Are you a narcissist, I think I'd love you anyway And I've had my truck with one before you came my way And she goddamned broke my heart with her remarks And I lived for two months in the complete dark With no hope of light But I said that it's alright Because she is out of my life Now I just want to be his wife And I see the familiar pattern Like I am coming at him When I just say how I feel And I wonder if this is real Because I'm just sitting by his side With no way to hide Anything that is inside And I hear in the years that have moved on His memory of me is almost gone And that he has got a girl At least he tells me that in his world I am shy of the ceiling And there's no way he can be dealing With my kind of shit But I just keep talking it Though I fail to say the words I mean You are my fucking dream You are my love and my heart And I just want to take part In your life Does lightning strike twice? Or does love just make the ground A place that can hold the sound Of the thunder as it rolls Something entwines our two souls
The fawn is always yawning out her insides I swear you could set your clock by the way that she abides By the steady midnight tock Of the stories that she keeps on lock And I’ve decided to just drop out of her sphere Because chains, bells and whistles when she is near And she never listens and she never hears She is the iceberg as my ship steers Unto it’s own direction And it’s as if love is just a selection That we make I know you call the boys and girls fake When they do not measure up To the talisman of our love And I keep it held in my heart But you wouldn’t know if you tear it apart Just to find out what is there It’s like asking a brain to care After a person is dead What is it that you said You don’t have time That might have been a good line If it had been true But, man, I just don’t believe you Not when you’re rocking back and forth On the chair on our porch When we’re both eighty two No Bambi can take me away from you
I know you’ve got a wife And I believe that it’s for life When you make a promise to someone And I know that the sun Has gone down on what we were I used to be angry at her For taking you away from me Bitter coz you didn’t stay with me And I was flying high And you just wanted to die I could feel it in my bones When we left our homes You know the one in LA And no matter what you say We can’t put it back together And you just live in the rainy English weather While I soak up the sun And now that it’s done I can finally breathe Because what we both need Was not the claustrophobia and smother I was your girl, not your mother And they all write about us But there just was this trust Between us I though I had dreamed us Up But then my cup Overflows and spills all over the floor And the one that I adore Is many miles away And not just physically and so I pray To the God I claim to know How do I let you go? When you mean it all to me Is there a past tense to infinity? And does it mean now that the rose is in my garden That I shouldn’t be so hard on him For what he could not be I couldn’t hold on so I let you go free I always thought you’d come back to me But forever is now part of our history
Is to be mother just to gain an experience Nothing to do with the child But a biological urging that has run wild And we’re watching little ones bleed to death On a screen but we forget As we bring new babies to this earth That they are capable of feeling hurt And I am reminded of a promise I made Before the sun put me in the shade That I would never fall to the fallow field That only knows how to yield To a power greater than it Fertile ground that only ever sit In the seed to germinate So he asks the girl on a date And it may be for the masses, it isn’t for me But I love them so much and they do not see As the mattress bows and the bodies writhe But they’re ashamed and so they hide Their lovemaking under the covers Because they should never be lovers According to modern society You must do it in the dark or someone will see And you’ll go to hell (or something like that) But I took the baseball bat And smashed that particular window Because I don’t believe it’s a sin, though There is shame and there is expense When you do it outside the present tense And I may be tantric and I may be yogi But I don’t walk with someone that doesn’t know me In the depths, not surface tension And the only way to make an extension Is to know just who you are But when I saw that boy I saw the star Burning in his heart and soul I was just eighteen years old And he six months my junior But still 1990 so acceptable sooner Than I would have liked And my courage spiked As we sat next to each other As though the apple had fallen into the hands of a lover And we both took a bite But it is alright Fifteen and a half years later Though there is a crater Left by that meteor strike I just thought you should know I like You in that way Though what is it that you say You don’t got time Well, here I have plenty, take some of mine
Manifesting Andy, I try to look the other way And pretend I cannot say What is the fire inside of me Is there another way for me to be And it caused me physical pain When I first heard your name It was when I was carted off to the mental So much more than words in central Dublin and they said I needed to be there As ambivalent as a girl without a care When she was interrupted And have we fucked it Up In the name of love And it all comes around to the scene The way that it could wake my dreams The loins that long The moment you belong When you’re with someone And you can see your son And daughter running around And they’re not even born and you hear the sound Of their peeling bells of laughter Just like their father As you sit by his side How do I hide I have the whole future planned out And I’m afraid my doubt Will kill what we are We may have all been forged within a star But we are black hole bound I know oblivion when I hear the sound Of your mystery ring Would you give me one if I gave you everything And you just sigh and look away So I leave it for another day
It wouldn’t be Dublin if I wasn’t late And somewhere under the covers is a man I’d like to date And I think of him as I sit in this sojourn Do I always have to mourn It’s been ten years since we talked A decade since I walked My boots down the road And everything slowed Down, how do I get away I cover my ears so I don’t hear what you say Because you tell me that it’s over, over the hill And I know that you would kill Just to feel alive But somewhere in the dive You found the water you wanted You tell me and I can’t say that I amn’t daunted By the weight of your magnitudinous pain And I just stand out in the rain So I can feel it on my skin But I never felt him Move with the beat Touched his face when we’re feet to feet And somewhere in a daydream, diamond true I think that I found you For a reason And for a season That lasted three hours long I was the ocean in which you drown
The grief crumples me like a deck of cards And no one knows how hard It got in the midst of the night And I contemplated the death of the light Coz everywhere I looked it was black And the dealer stack Everything against me My best friend resents me And that person that wants to take me down Looks like she runs this town As she commands the sea And turns the whole tide upon me And as it rushes and consumes Something pulls me from those rooms Into a place I’ve never been But somehow had already seen Maybe in a dream or through a past life And every man looks for a wife When he reaches a certain age I just reach for the page Because the immortal hue Has stopped shining from you It’s like you buried it somewhere When you say that I just don’t care And it’s impossible to get through to you So I say goodbye too As you hang up the phone Could you just leave me alone?
There is a distance in time and space It takes you away from the Now But you have shown me somehow That there is no way you could be removed From where I am in tune With the stars and sea He is always with me Even though we haven’t spoken in ten years Even though I cried bitter tears Over our supposed separation And my education Only ever confirmed That there is always more to be learned When you try to ignite the fire And I do not tire Of my twin flame dreams Because nothing is as it seems When you water it down There’s something about this town That still sings to me And our history In separate schools Breaking all but the most pressing rules As we fight to be free I know you had your destiny To meet But would you greet Me at the door Because, darling, I always want more
I went on a search but I never found it Now all I can do is ground it As it pours light in through my crown I thought that I would drown In the darkness but it was light It lifts me up and I am alright As I, unsteady on my feet, As a foal I’ve yet to meet Struggle to regain the ground I’ve lost to the realm of sound As it pelts my windows I never let it in though Until that man came with his soul Held out like a begging bowl And it just undo Everything I was assuming of you And somehow we’re in! But does it pertain to Him Coz that will be evidence of it’s constancy And in my revelry I missed the quiet comfort of your hoodie And I’m just wondering would we If we got the chance You ask me to dance And I say yes I take the hand you hold out, I guess And we move to the beat And the heat That your body is throwing Has me knowing That this is something you’ve desired Ever since I set it all on fire No need to worry, dear The glass is crystal clear
I watch it fly into the sky And, you know, everyone cry But not everyone wakes while they live It happens when you forgive That girl who took a lightning strike And aimed it at me but, like, I turn it into some kind of illumination And now every tv station Plays my tune Like I’m the only one in the room And I meet someone I would like To meet in the dead in the night Sneaking out into the grass I didn’t think our love would last But it’s been fifteen years And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears As they fall on us And I trust Him to do just what he craves But he’s the Superman who saves Me from the boring grey He is like a sun ray That sets all the colours a throb And I give him what he wants to rob From me And dignity Won’t keep this secret quiet It’s always been a riot In that avenue And his blue Offsets my red Til we’re white light in bed Making one with the serene This is beyond the dream And they say twin flames reside In the place where duality hides Its face from something so pure He’s what I bank on and I know for sure That we’ll always be eternal prose And he might be the one who chose Me, but on my side I’m just glad he’s alive In this incarnation And my education Taught me to always say no But with him I’m like, let’s go And get on with the show You claim to make But I’ll be no oven to bake Some buns for the eating I gotta be the one you’re keeping For forever in a sigh Our love will never die
They talk about sexuality like they know what they do When oneness is split in two It seeks to return to what it was And because There was once no you and I There was only spirit that does not die And in my androgyny I found someone who complemented me And there is a longing to unite With the person with which I fight I scream down the phone Don’t leave me alone You retort “I don’t like your sort” I lose hope And the ability to cope So I manipulate At least that’s what you call it when we’re in that state And it’s all ashes and thunder But, still, I have your number And I can’t help but call Though I’m facing a brick wall Like Spider-Man when he loses his ability And slides down the rock face (it looks kind of silly) So I just pull away and out I watch your mask of self doubt Turn to horror and a “no!” I pretend not to care though When I push, you pull And my cotton wool Pajamas are missing something essential An arm around them so reverential And I don’t think I’ll ever bear child But you still drive me wild In the ether we share And I swear It’s mountainous prose As we travel the roads Looking very like two well worn skins And it’s always she and him Til we merge into unity We kiss and our love is set free
There where I was I stood defenceless Out in the open plain And she brought the rain dance again and again And it’s not the men It’s the love I bear For those who live to tear The fabric of what we are For the sake of a star That will never rise In our constellation I’m suddenly at Longford train station Waiting for someone to arrive And I realise you are alive As you were And you’re not with her You’re standing alone Looking at your phone And I’m sitting in my car Just staring at the place where you are But I look away Because I cannot say What I will buy If I could only try With the money I have And the feeling bad Was a season Without reason I abridge At least God let you live For all these years And stemmed my tears In the flow I didn’t realise you loved me, you know
Living in the hills I’ve known my own share of pain And the west coast is full of rain Because it faces the Atlantic And don’t be so dramatic When you say that the wiles of Connemara Has shades of Scarlet O’ Hara With her red hair and wild ways I have to say I cannot leave what he says When he talks about a soulmate And it more than a person that you date It is someone to whom your heart is bound I fell for him without a sound And he tried so hard Did he know that he had the card That would trump a royal flush And the seats were so plush As we sat in the comfort of each other He had the safety of a brother But the love of a fire brimming flame And I didn’t remember his name Because he went by something else And I was a little worried about his mental health But he’s always been my choice And ever since I found my voice I’ve been searching for ways to say I always want to be with you, okay?
I can not deny it hurt And made me question my self worth As he throws barbs across the line For the way that he does time And wants me to know the feel Of the way his pain is real And that cutting a deal Is out of the question now But still he pulls me in somehow Into a sort of heavenly light I think you’re awesome, alright And he knows it too But I can’t ignore that she’s with you Every night to keep you warm Imagine you next to her form As you both share a bed One where you’re colossally wed While I’m tinkering away in the shed Making something for your eyes That pierce through an ample disguise That has shrouded us in mystery Oh, what a fabrication is history When it comes to what is here And you are always near To the soul that beats my heart I didn’t mean for forever to start But now it has and be damned I’m in love with the same old man
I’m emo cool Well I was in school Though I was in the closet Coz it wasn’t the norm was it Til I met that guy And, man, I could fly With the joy of knowing such a soul It will stay with me as I grow old And the body will wither and die But it can never take the blue of his eye That catches the light from mine In ‘00’s parlance, he was fine Though he doesn’t know it And, man, I throw it Like a wine or match And my roof of thatch Is burning up a storm And we could keep each other warm Not in a sex kind of way But in the profundity that’s in what he say And I count lucky stars That prison bars Buckled and fell And I wish him well With the girl that he knows But with me it’s anything goes And this love will last a life Metaphorical man and wife Even if we never get to be The ocean is just the sea By another name and form I met you and I was born
You said hello
Then okay bye
And there's something about your soul
That makes me want to cry
Coz you're perfect, you're sincere
But you falter the web when I come near
And you're soft to the touch
And you're easy, then strong
And you look at me like I
Could do no wrong
But I snuck a peak
Into the deepest part of you
And I let you in
Coz you wanted me to
And all of the fabrications can't make this a lie
That we both wake up when the life tries to die
On us in this subterfuge
Do you take refuge
In her sudden storm
Does she do more than keep the bed warm
And I ain't jealous, I'm just missing out
And you kind of hit the nail on the head of my doubt
When you said "tell your folks"
This couldn't be one of your jokes
That you just play on me
You're withering and it takes time to see
That the cavalcade is just there to test
And I am not bigger and brighter than the rest
I'm just the puzzle piece to your thaw
And you run the scene like you're an outlaw
As we both find solace in what can't be contained
A sky full of clouds and then it rained
Cause of death, dying What do you expect, trying And I try to reason With him but it’s just a season In the garden he grows It’s all flowers and God knows I try not to be the sky Reflecting blues in his eyes As they stare up at the sun But I think he might be the One As he moves in a sashay And he can have me any way He likes to entertain And his love is not in vain As he holds a paper heart Out and it makes my own start Beating a rhythm I cannot contain Would the sky take back the rain It had cried in tears If it meant it could erase the years That have gone in between The midnight of someone else’s dream In a come what may What is it that the people say That there is a wilderness beyond the hedge And you are more than the pond you dredge To bring up gold And that story’s never told If you’re looking for a quick line In the bathroom for the thousandth time
I stepped onto the bridge The wood was creaky And there’s something about that guy That was a little bit freaky But I like him anyway I catch what he say Across the thread of an internet fine And I know it’s love for the longest time As he flicks his hair Flicks his eyes Buries crevices In my disguise And there’s nothing more Than to bang on your door And tell you I’m out here waiting I don’t even think of hating You anymore I simply adore The sleep in your eye And how you are with me when we both die Across the refractions of time On the thinnest of line We are bound as One And an unearthly Sun Shines from your face And I love this place Now you are near I hold you dear And it’s crystal clear That through the cobwebs and moss All is not loss Just a slowly burning candle Did you think I was too much to handle?
Psychosis walks in my door Tells me that it wanted more Than just to be locked in a cage So I find some paper and let it rage ”It was never supposed to be like that” “I said I love you but I take it back Coz you just rained holy hell And all these people say I’m not well” “Well, what do you expect me to do” “I expect you to care, why don’t you” All these conversations with a man in my mind Is it telepathy or being left behind By my sanity I utter a profanity That evinces how I feel I told the nurse it wasn’t real So she handed me a pill Set up a hill That I have to climb to get out of here But don’t you see, my dear I am actually good And the wood Is only a forest of trees For one who believes And I’m letting on more than I know If you love me let me go As I fall onto a mattress of home I never walk alone Coz the King is always here And He makes the scene crystal clear
I know you have a litany of crimes
I don't need to hear about all the times
You failed to live up to
What you think life has asked of you
I know the unconditional foundation
At the base of you
And I trust so do you
As we meet palm to palm
In this unearthly calm
It doesn't matter what we are
To each other from the star
We spin around
On what we call solid ground
You can be a friend or mate
Or take it to another state
The cord that ties binds us by the soul
And I shouldn't say you make me whole
But, darling, it really feels like that
And you wouldn't take me back
And that's fair enough
But it doesn't end my love
It just puts a reservation
On the end of your appelation
As we find ways to grow and meld
There's a fusion no iron can weld
As we grow out of the old iteration
Meet you at the inner bus station!
Finding the balance between this and that And I don’t have to hate you just to get you back And I am loved and I’m secure I’m wading in water but the current is pure And it’s nothing but noontime in the sky Poised between to live and to die And I know it’s all rolling, this plunging in And it’s over before it really ever begin It’s just that I’m drawn to take a stance Hold out my hand to you to dance And you don’t have to take it but I sense that you will Like drinking in water til you have your fill The sunset, the morning, the consuming night I know in the end we’ll all be alright
Imma bounce Like a cat about to pounce Or the people you denounce Coz I just can’t stay still in chains I look up to the sky and it rains Open air and fresh water blues You know the breeze smells of you Like fresh grass or school in the nineties era Kind of scary and I feared ya When you looked deeply into me What is it that you see Coz your eyes are golden And no one would believe me even if I’d told em But you stay still and silent as the grave I never knew my own power to save With my mere presence alone Now you’re just on the other end of a phone And I followed every line you dropped Til the moment when it just stopped And I couldn’t contain the rush Is it now we get to touch Coz we seem separated by a million miles But I could never pay for one of your smiles It radiates like a frequency to burn I swear you make the world turn
Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes And I’m full of existential whys But you are the answer without reason My safe space in open season And I could cacophony the sound But I always want you around In the depths of my consciousness In the moments we exist Whether on the astral plane Or in the summer as the clouds rain And I throw back my head laughing with you And it’s not just coz you want me to There is a sense that together Could be the place beyond the weather And in these shoes that I’m walking Is the memory of the two of us talking Silent and sincere or open hearted It’s like I asked and the oceans parted And if we never come to be Could you still realise what you mean to me In oft tried second glances Or just the air we breathe taking chances Could you smile and let the light shine For me just one more time As you look absolute The one place I’ve found truth In the wisdom of our youth Do you think it’s a just pursuit Or are we just running away Filled with things we cannot say In silence spaces and in highs You and I are not goodbyes
How can I be devoted to someone
Looking through a windowpane
It is ardent, it is true
But is it all in vain
Because he doesn't believe
A single word I'm saying
So all my tears come down
Falling like the rain
And he has a girl
So how do I compete
When I'm a mess of hair
Falling at his feet
It's just that he makes me
Feel so damn complete
And I cannot deny
The cuteness when we meet
And is it all a movie scene
Do I play the damsel in distress
And is he the hero
To save me and the rest
And could you call this anything
But a fair request
I was dancing in the storm
In my favourite dress
And where do we go from here
Is it a nothing that we are
Am I Victoria
And not the fallen star
I just know that he has
Every piece of my heart
Held within a frame
Where they once were apart
And is this all nonsense
I'm scribbling on a page
I was close to crying
And he was full of rage
But, oh, the image of you
It could stand for an age
When you're talking to me
I am not afraid
And I cannot find the answer
Nor can I write it out
It seemed you played a song
That is what I'm about
And I cannot not hear
When you veritably shout
And all the words are
Just spilling from my mouth
And does it matter what they all think
Does it matter what they say
Because I really don't think
This feeling's going away
And I wished I had asked you
Years ago to stay
And not degenerate
Into a child's play
So who am I to you now
Am I anything at all
Because I've been calling for you
For eons down the hall
And each and everytime
I meet with a brick wall
Just before I go
Freefalling through it all
And we have friends in common
Is it just a Facebook scene
Am I Katy Perry
And you the teenage dream
And are all the cobwebs
Not what they may seem
You stun me like a laser
Coming through on a moonbeam
And if it all is worthless
And left in the past
Is there any room
For me still to ask
Can we be on friendly terms
In the sun to bask
Because I know within
That this is built to last
And if I'm really crazy
You know I was locked up
Is there space to verbalise
Just what I'm thinking of
Is it against your wishes
That I might call this love
And bless it with the rain
That falls from above
The Poetry Book 