There was a crash and a bang And then the phone rang To say that he had died And I screamed out and cried And the memory of it sings Like a bullet in my back and things Were never the same after that Because I can’t get his light back As it leaves his shape I watch the soul escape The body I thought I knew And what if I never see you Ever again You were the best of men And you would get that look that would lock Into my gaze and I would take stock Of the moment that we held Like out on the mountain that morning as dawn broke its shell Or the time I took a video recorder And filmed you looking into the border That bridges the place between you and I I was eleven when the sigh Escaped your lips And my own eclipse Began with a swathe of rage I decided not to use a page To document my anguished sobs Because that would be to rob Some of my pain from me And what would be left of our history The one with Ireland on the wall You had cut it out or you walking down the hall In the middle of the night when all was quiet Just a door gently shutting on the riot That cascaded my dreams A grandfather that isn’t all he seems Because he is a whole life away And I’m just starting mine, what do you say That everything will be okay And you love Granny and that day You held a candle as you depart And it nearly breaks my heart Watching her watching you go Why did God make us for this so To love and to say goodbye I don’t mean to always cry When I think of twenty two years ago It’s just I promised that the low Would bring me a high And I feel you in the sky As I gaze into a scene And ask God to wake the dream Up if He possibly could So I walk alone in the wood At the back of our land Until something takes my hand And leads me to a monument That points to the place the person went And how could hell be heaven sent I swear and I eff and blind But it doesn’t bring me respite from the mind That tears me into treachery Look your love is not lost in me It’s just fading into eternity One you will come to know My surrender will not let you go
There were times I thought; Things like that only happen in America But now an Irish flag is flying On hills I don’t agree with Declaring the ruination of all that used to be And how it was empty and vapid Relentless in its desire to control all of us I look at the clock again It’s half past six But time is moving and never sticks To the floor like the day I heard And you could shoot every single bird I wouldn’t notice Coz you’re gone The only place that I belong Standing by your side Now I hear your name and I run and hide Because it brings up convulsions I cannot repair One minute you’re standing there The next air That I breathe in And even thoughts of him Can’t take away the ashes of my loneliness Written in biro like an address As I scribble my name I love you so I won’t be the same But are the hackles drawn on my wilderness That I would ever confess A taut string like grief And my belief Is to hide it from everyone Shine like I’m the fucking sun Collapsing in on itself A black hole to eat the life that is its wealth And welcome any stragglers into its dusky fold I’m getting old You can measure it by how you perceive the years They move so fast there’s no time for tears Coz the ebbing will flow And what came down must let go Of its hold on this misty night Is it okay if I am alright?
The Poetry Book 