Trying To Explain Myself

What to do when the darkness eat me 
Do I just let the trauma unseat me
As I bridge the gap
All the people told me to map
With my eyes
And I live in disguise
As I agree with what they say
But it only ever gets in the way
Of what I mean
And it was just a dream
That I could occupy
A place where people go to die
It was like a graveyard of sin
And I just walked into it with him
So he would not be alone
I clicked like on my phone
And so it began
But I ran
From the grasp of the window keepers
And I was in the ward when the sleepers
Came to check on my eyes
And the tendencies of things to die
The light was blinding and I try to explain
That I love the rain
But it goes unheard
And the bird
Sits on the sill
I know I said I would but I never will
Give up the fight
I just want you to know I am alright
In my sunshine boots
And underneath the tree has roots
That go deep into the soil
And when the pot has come to the boil
You take it off
I know it coz I paid the cost

The Midnight That Shattered Me

She’s a mystery to me
And I long to let her go free
But every attempt I make
Is met with something she forsake
And I reach out across the sea
But I’m met with a knee
In the gut to wind
And let me know that I have sinned
As she announces her realm
And the ship at the helm
Is vacant and empty
It’s been this way since we were twenty
And I sought to find
Something I had left behind
In my teens
(Not just the man of my dreams)
But friendship too
And I felt the lack of you
In Dublin City Centre
Captain America’s but I could not enter
Because the gate was barred
And I felt times get hard
As I refused to cross the line
That I felt them define
And commerce was too coarse for me
But I obeyed willingly
The teachers, the guidance, the accounts and the way
But there were things I could not say
As I walked through my apartment
I heard a voice from your department
Saying; “why am I in so much pain”
That was just before the rain
Pelted on me
I ran from Jess and Hillary
As they left bottles on the floor
And became something that I abhor
They throw a party in the dorm
But they do not warn
Either I or Caroline
I walk in and it would have been fine
If I could’ve just locked my door
But I get dressed up and walk on the fifth floor
And have a chat with Colin too
Though he is different than what I’d want to
Embody as the excel
But he’s alright so I said “well”
It is an Irish greeting
You say when you are meeting
Someone you causally know
Then sanity let me go
In February of that year
I felt myself on the edge of a tear
As Snow Patrol belted a tune
But I could feel the split in the room
As I wrapped myself in a blanket
I did not forget to thank it
For its warm embrace
When everything seemed to deface
The old tome
And I just wished for home
But I could not go back
And everything I lack
Is muted in the undertone
I loved my Nokia phone
And I kept the messages I sent
Three hundred of them before I went
To America, to New York
And somehow there was a fork
In the road I chose to walk
I am not to be all talk
But something deeper than they see
I will walk out of history
And write the words that have called to me
Since the beginning of mystery
Decided it would dance with me
Now I am all beauty
And sparkling lights
And in my darkest nights
I could still find love
Just trust it’s there because above
Will never failed to sink
Into depths you do not think
Can ever be perforated
Depression is underrated

The Story Of I

I feel like I’ve been beaten
And brutalized
By the thunder
Under rainy skies
And I keep waiting
For the end of the story
Baby just save me
Please don’t implore me
To be more than I am
To make a new scene
All I ever seem to do
Is wake the dream
Up from where it rests
In a lonely stead
And it’s just rattling noise
This sound in my head
As I build a monument
To what we were
Now I must kneel
At the foot of you and her
And doff my cap
And curtsy neat
But you know
I’ll never walk these feet
To your door
Just to genuflect
And be surprised
At what comes next
I’ve made my proposal
Now let it be so
And if you don’t like it
You don’t have to go
To the place
I’ve been waiting for
I know you’re
Behind a closed door