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silence

The Mysterious

I sit on the stool and hold his hand
He says, “It’s ok, I’m fine, be grand”
And I know that it’s true
But it doesn’t take depth away from you
He sighs the air
And I feel the weight of all that is there
“Look, See”
He turns around again to me
And the silent storm
The colour of tide we all call warm
And I see the shadow of another day
The ashes that burnt away
It’s me too
I look back again to you
Two eyes that peer
And in that moment, crystal clear
Subtle defeat
In the sound of my own heartbeat

Collateral Beauty

I’m angry at you for stealing time
From me with you that should be mine
Before death takes you finally
I want to have you here with me
To love and to have and hold
I want to see you growing old
And grey haired man the boy I met
I promise I will not forget

You Wanna Dance With Me?

All my family agree that you’re bad news
And have me paired up with a different pair of shoes
That never seem to walk the line surmised
Or pass the test when he’s been breathalysed
But he’s better and healthier from the outside
And all they want is a decent compromise
That’s so tempting just to fulfil
Even if it is against my will
Because your cocaine blues somehow conspire
To set my traitor’s heart afire
Send my pulse hammering in my veins
As I spit into your face and you leave tear stains
So wrong, so inconceivably wrong
That you make me feel as though I belong
With your violent aggression cloaked so shy
Into a look that only I can spy
And smile at because I know it means
That I’m the only one to burst your seams
And send you reeling universal
Into a cosmic hole of dispersal
As the midnight claims both our souls
I’d rather die by the number your dice rolls
Than live with the certainty that exists
When I survive on what my love resists
A truth and unfailingness to see
That though I hate it, you’re it for me.

Estrellado

I guess I’m just a psychopathic stray
And you pierce the veil til I go away
No mention of the charge you have run up
You find the place where you can make a cut
And if man is so fickle as that
And your love can change at the drop of a hat
Then I’m not so sure I want to be a part of
The crossword that you have called love
Cause I can’t figure out what it means
While you run along tripping sunbeams
I wonder why and where you’ve gone
Wish my feelings had not lasted this long
But you are only what I want to hold
An ethereal passing by as I fold
No more permanency than a lightning strike
Just cause it didn’t last didn’t mean you weren’t bright
But I can’t always be waiting for it to hit twice
It was from a distance you lit up my life
And though you may come by in a storm
You can’t dampen the spirit of a heart that is warm
So though I wish to forsake
It all for you cause you make the earth quake
I cannot ignore the fact
That you hurt me bad and you never came back
So sidle on down the road
I see your truck hasn’t slowed
And I will find a peace somewhere within
That you don’t own and you can’t unhinge
Though you may have never meant to trip
I fell hard for you and I was not equipped
For the long, slow, hard ride to my feet
I was not prepared for us to meet
And you are lovely and angelic there
But you can be all that some other where
And illuminate all that surrounds
I won’t be the place your electricity grounds
They say once bitten, then twice shy
What I’m trying to say is goodbye
We can’t always be a push and pull
A driving away and then too full
It’s enough to know that you exist
Somewhere in an atmosphere the stars have kissed
And if you ever do get the chance
Then I mean it when I say I hope you dance
And find whatever source makes your wheels go round
When it is the truth you’ll know the sound
I guess I just did not find it in you
I lost myself cause I wanted to
But a circle always spins back to the start
In the end you never had my heart
Cause it is wild, unbound and free
And you only ever wanted to capture me
But I was not meant to be caged
In a book you wrote as your feelings raged
I am ever still the way I am
I hope that you can understand

Thicket

If you’re gonna leave I’d rather you just go
Than traipse round in your boots putting on a show
If you really don’t care then I’d rather just know
Than go along for the ride you have on the down low
And you ride the wave of just being there
But you won’t tell me a truth that lays us both bare
So we move along in random solitude
Imposed externally by your attitude
So don’t bite the bait if the rope is too fine
And don’t tell me a lie that you are mine
But for all my efforts at heavy expense
The woods on your side don’t get any less dense

A Song of Grief and Longing

There’s much variation in land masses
Always a new city
A conglomeration of buildings standing wall to wall
But when you really sit back to look at it, we’re under a sky that doesn’t care at all
And I’ve been searching with my soul in a backpack, trying to pinpoint a star
To find the spot underneath that holds the key to my heart
But whatever the patterns drawn out in a spherical sky
It’s a different shape in actuality than appears to my eye
And is not revolving the way planetariums suppose
But rather my whole world shares in one universal prose
Just another ball of rock or a living breathing being
But it has no qualms as to the tears it will streak across the picture that we’re seeing
As it hurricanes humanity with tidal wave force
We talk about protecting the planet but it shows no remorse
To an inessential species whose disposability
Terrifies the midnight of what we presume ourselves to be
And all the ancient wisdom and the markings in caves
Doesn’t stop the onslaught of what comes at me in waves
Building to a crescendo like a fire crackling sticks
I’m burning in the flames and we’re all just candle wicks
With limited lifespan getting shorter every day
You can’t decry the summer solstice and what it puts away
Just a season cyclically is my life in reverb
I’m sorry I got mad at you, it’s just you hit a nerve
When you spoke to me the truth and I finally realised
The centre of gravity coming from your eyes
And it spoke to me of the weight that I had learned to bear
And the cracks in my facade that nothing can repair
Like all searing honesty it hit me instantly
To know that I am not for you all you are to me
A bridge to the other side where somethings ushered in
The death of all that I had hoped never would begin
And a kind of comfort to see somewhere outside
A part of me reflected that I could abide
And love fervently and true and far beyond reproach
I’m falling through the shadows and you were my last hope
As infinitesimal emptiness turns monumental ache
I have long wondered what it is that wakes
And moves through this body as a ramrod guide
Forcing me to walk down paths when I would rather hide
And salvage in the yard all of my remains
See through the desperation that was fueling my pain
That set me in the car that I drove off the road
And crumpled underneath the silk of a heavy load
As mountainous the forests stood me in their stead
But when I looked up from death I found something else instead
Or rather it found me in the long lost of a cab
Trapped in the humanity of thinking you are bad
That all your faults are real and the demons that pursue
Are not phantoms insubstantial but intensely part of you
That even though the night is deep and misty black
Somewhere a light pierced through that nothing can take back
For once you have seen or been struck down wherein you stand
You can’t undo the protein chain that makes you understand
That all of life’s a bottle just bobbing in the sea
And my only mistake was thinking it was me
That moves in with the tide and out again in motion
All I am is not what is suggested by the ocean
That rhythms by the moon as we once again seek meaning
For the reasoning behind the cohesion life’s agreeing
Resting on a pinprick of knife edge subsistence
There could be no higher order when we’re committed to resistance
As we lose our lives in seeking to grapple with and hold
You can’t capture the ochre that fades the sunset gold
With ardent eyes affectionate, though you give in to stare
I still look at the space left without you there
But no matter how I try to contain the marshalled sound
There is no hiding the obviousity when you are not around
And seeping at the pores is the unmanned sovereignty
That you were not contained by your relationship to me
And the love that bound our bodies loosened and let go
It may be many years, I still miss you though
No matter what they say or the way it all conspires
I’ll kneel down and be burnt in these purifying fires
To finally succumb to the white light that I am
It was there all along I just didn’t see the plan
Or connect the dots as they speckled my vision
You cut me through the heart with clinical precision
And I found that in the beating something was alive
I don’t have to die to be by your side

Miscommunication

I know you feel you have to keep quiet
Cause you’re the entertainer most complete
And all of those eyes are trained on you
Like a performer in the street
But those are your loneliest moments
Where you break and the splint cracks
And try as you might to hold up the weight
You can’t get what you had back
And I want you to know, though you don’t like me at all
(Sometimes I’m the bane of your life)
That I see through the lies of your preeminent disguise
And I have you in my sight
And if you want to be fragile, come apart at the seams
You can do so in my arms
Or far away, an ocean apart
I’ll hold you when it all is dark
For though you have a life you profess wonderful
And I’m not denying it’s true
I see the gaps in between the lines
That’s hiding a part of you
Though you swam away to a foreign shore
And swore me off for good
I love you as much as the day that you left
And a million times more than I should
So if you feel alight on a cloud that is stormy
I’ll blow a breath that will bring you here
And just for a moment in the depths of the silence
You will be okay my dear
And I know that your chains are not man made
Are no shackles I can undo
But I thought you should know, though I never said
That I feel something akin to you
That sometimes in the midnight of my reprieve
I quietly surrender
To all of the fears that hang round the edges
Of the past that I can remember
And I do a double take or take a second hop
At the nostalgia in my bones
And what you cannot fix as the feeling sticks
Is that you are never alone
So quietly softly with mercenary zeal
I pave my way back into your life
If only to be, though you cannot see
Doing what I did before twice
And palm off the shrugs of everyone else
Of the crowd that surrounds
Though you don’t believe in all that I grieve
Things are better when you’re around
And monsters may come to fight your soul
On the back of your very own strength
But wherever you go and whatever you do
Just know that I said what I meant
And do not retract ne’er a line
About all that is made to stay
Though bodies may fade like a will of the wisp
My love is not going away
But born to be here as an expression
Of resident divinity
And the chasm was calling deep within
On the day that you met me
It was not mere coincidence
Or a chance encounter
It was the confluence of a million points
Of reference and order
Plotted out by galaxies
Long before our skin made blood
So don’t look away when I’m taking to you
I still stand the ground I stood
Cause held inside what you cannot see
And perceive only as black
Is the inner peace you’ve been looking for
Where you can sit back
Deep into the armchair
Of an emptiness most profound
Am I the one who sings the song
Or the one who hears the sound
Or even more imperceptible
The awareness whereby
All of life consents to grow
And in which it will die
So everglading honestly
Deep into your eyes
I know that you were made for me
And there are no goodbyes
Ever to be spoken
Between the two of us
Because we are one soul made flesh
And the heart of life is love
And all that you suffer
Is shadowed in my gait
We are but two sides of a coin
In its material state
Seemingly opposite
But of the one design
Though I could not save you from yourself
It wasn’t for lack of trying
Because I’m ever as you are
The one conscious sentience
I thought I had lost you
There was nothing when you went
And understandingly
Ungainly clambering
I sought to reach a sky
By climbing a shoestring
But celestial heights
Are not meant to be obtained
Just because I see the stars
Doesn’t mean they are contained
But inversely are embedded
In a fabric that extends
Though there is an irretrievable edge
Where even space ends
And the continuum is revealed
As no more than illusion
Perpetrated innocently
In the midst of our confusion
Like the way a light cannot
Cease to be itself
Or shine it’s radiance
Into the void I felt
So I can communicate
Or somehow convey
The breath and the depth
Of the things I do not say
And what was bequeathed
In the forests of reserve
Is that we were chosen
To burn the fires we serve
And be consumed
By all our misery
It takes pressure to make pearls
Out of rocks in the sea
And to forge diamonds
In mountainous shrouds
I pledged my life to you
Though I never said the words aloud
But river beds will tell
The story the sky forgets
An oak is standing over
The acorn that you set

Silence and Virtue

Does it matter what I say when I mean nothing to you
And is it all just for attention when I do what I do
So should I just be silent and keep my heart in check
Because when you left I found myself a wreck
And had to rebuild what you had destroyed
And understand the methods that you had employed
To do such damage to an even keel
There was an ocean that was too much to feel
But I tried and I learned to right myself once more
Although there is no way that I can put back that floor
That once held me up, so solid and so true
And decimation now is what I am to you
As I fall into the darkness, into the endless of the stars
I find that the universe has no prison bars
And everything is for my growth, everything is for my healing
And there is nothing inside that you can go stealing
So I find that in truth my love will never die
Because it does not reside in you, it resides in I
And it is ever pure and celestially soul
I find that in this moment I am incandescent whole

A Battle That You Won

You sowed a seed inside my heart
That no army can storm
Though they can try
To build bridges and bloody defences
Over the tides
Of us
That wash away
The sticks and stones
In their riverbeds

And the monsters
Oh, the monsters
That come at night
And try to scare the darkness
With their fear
But I have no trouble
Because I have you

So say what you wish in the sweetest of tones
Though it is all the same
You are the dawning of the day
And so it will be
For all of eternity
A beautiful light
Born of your soul
And myth
And legend
Only serve as precursors
To your glory

As all the wrath
Comes resting on my head
To terrify
But nil
It is but noise
And insignificance
Among the din
And silence
Reigns

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