The epic story of the oddessying hero If you want a race I’ll make it to zero Before you do if I find the words I’ve my feet on the ground but I’m away with the birds And I found myself locked in a room They tell me I’ll be out pretty soon But it’s like they’re caging the beast And it’s roaring for a feast Tearing me to pieces inside I drop the walls I used to hide And all of the people were magnificently pure And I’m integrity that just endure As they’re listing reasons I’m not well But I’m full of a secret I daren’t tell As I wonder why the guy is wearing shades As we meditate upon a page And it’s like a story that’s never been told I wonder will I weather it when I get old Or will these days leave a track On skin that can’t take it back And I’m always waiting for her to care But she just shakes me outta her hair And tells me it’s for the best So I set sail on my own quest And if I’m a hero why do I die On my own with a sigh Then pull myself up onto my knees To answer all the pleas I hear in my mind I wonder at the life I left behind And if anyone will set out on my track Coz, Lord knows, I’m not coming back And I’m weary but I’m also full of hope The kind of optimism that copes With every setback that waylays And I’ve learned to take a grain of salt on days As it meanders in a thousand ways Across plains and by open bays Into the avenues I know And this train never slows Only takes me by the hand and shows The light the window throws And if you’re indifferent to my plight You gotta know that I’m alright
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
So I guess his girlfriend hates me now Because I let him in and allow Him to take me to dance Give love at first sight a second chance And I won’t refuse him If he knocks on my door Prove to God Who loves him more And I know you’ve made him happy And I don’t envy the task But there is still so much I’ve got to ask You both coz I wanna be friends With the two of you Don’t doubt that I love you too Some kind of sister In the scene You were his twenty something dream And I can only catch a glimpse of him Through the photographs in which I swim That you took And I wrote a book About the way feelings clash Hot and cold fronts, smoke and ash But I don’t want a showdown with fragrant air I’m glad that you were there To catch his tears and resound his laughter And you’re cute but I know what you’re after As you fool a second glance In a sort of romance But you gotta know I gotta say That I’ve loved him In every way Picked up the crumbs he dropped on the path Be the beauty in the aftermath And I don’t want an enemy Or someone taking swipes at me I just want to kneel as I confess I envy you in that dress And all that I missed out in the fire You’re burning earth on the pyre And I’m sure a furnace or two Knows the depths and breadth of you And you look at each other But he is my soul brother And I gotta let him know Let the love show In the diagrams refract Is it okay if I come back And be the mirror to reflect Not something circumspect But deep blue truth That professed secrets of our youth And he used to be an emotional kid And I was straight laced, he took the lid Off of all I can’t contain I’m singing summertime in the rain As we share each other’s speech And he’s tall and got reach And I know in his secret heart He has held onto you I know what he wants to do And I can’t escape From the flash of a red cape As it floats in the mirror And I was so blind I didn’t see her As I made an overview of you I mapped the things that you could do And I give up the fight Coz I wanna be a good person and alright And I feel if you knew all there was to know There is no way you would ever go I keep hidden the best part of me But I’m opening up so you see All that’s left of what we were It’s not a matter of me or her
It’s a grievance, this hate that’s burning inside And my gratitude for being alive Is unsustained And it rained On the sunniest day Everyone asking if I was okay But I can’t have you Though it’s not as if I even wanted to And you’re far away I only came to say I think you’re awesome, okay And you fire back a retort I guess you were a little short In the olden days And there are so many ways I can’t have you At least not like you wanted me to And I sigh Is forever just a long goodbye As the darkness calls Leads us down miscellaneous halls To where it all began And I ran For my life You want a wife And I’m all open seas You’ll never get me on my knees Begging to hold The absence of which you scold Like a never say die I know I caught your eye It’s just your heart is free And I don’t want it to capture me And let all my toil Simply going off the boil Because this love is real And there are things that will heal If you want them to If you let me I will hold you In my steady gaze I don’t need no hero to try and save Me from what I already am I guess it’s less without a plan
Is she just a fake ass bitch Or am I the judge and just rolling with it Like a ball down the hill It’s good weather so take your fill Of all the summers that you missed I found the photo where we kissed For the very first time And no crime Could ever amount to the trouble you gave There is nothing left to save As I keep my best for another day And I still like you okay Even though faraway is green You still hold the keys to dream Out into another sphere You’re far away but very near And close in my heart Don’t start To berate me once more So, I’m not something you adore And the store Don’t hold the half Of the feeling of you waking my laugh Up from inside And I hide Away in folds and creases You look at me and the grim releases What had been held so true I’m just wishing for some time with you Some ages or some years Some eons and some tears To cry with a happy note You’re my favorite one to quote When everything is flowing with the breeze Living a life of unconquerable ease In the lush growth I am quiet so I left a note To tell you I am here And that I love you, dear
I keep holding out For the Divine Death The one that time Cannot forget You can all it enlightenment You can call it liberation But I woke up From my own education Only to go on Picking up stones Going from place to place And calling it home And I’ve always been a rambler Out for adventure But I’m struggling With my own self censure Coz there are lines With which you do not agree And I can only point it out I can’t make you see And you’re drinking Bottled water from the tap And I keep wondering What are you at But it’s a mystery to me All these flicking pages And I’ve been wandering For ages and ages Trying to catch your trail As it winds through the undergrowth I’m tired walking The less travelled road Searching for something I cannot find Missing what I’ve left behind
It’s one to remember This night we’re losing our clothes I know that you weren’t The path I chose But I still feel So entwined And I’ve a tendency To call you mine As you break out in laughter It’s a sudden joy I think I’ve fallen In love with a boy As he innocently regales Me with tales Of him at the pit I didn’t know back then But this is It And I’ve found my shore The holy one that I adore And years pass Like we’re flicking a canvas Like you’re wearing shoes And holding up like Atlas And I know you’ve a woman And I respect her claim But I still love The sound of your name Against mine And we’re just wasting time Getting lost in love And the Holy Spirit is a dove To come down on me Do you think we could be Or is it just something I have to let go It’s not kosher, I know And you’ve got so many flaws And my winter never thaws To break out into spring But I would give you everything If you don’t think to ask I’ll let you in, at last
A full grown woman in my thirties It’s something I never wanted to be It smacks of decay and ingenuity And they want me to confirm their lies But growing up means your spirit dies If you conform to identity And let them make a role of me And she shouts me down So I start to drown In all they don’t want me to know They scream to just let him go But how do they not see He and I are one eternally Somewhere in a field afar We are joined underneath a star And we may never be a heteronormative pair He’s restrictive and I don’t care About the might he threatens to unleash I could always sense the beast That hid beneath the calm facade And this is not about making you feel bad It’s about trying to express the truth of my soul But they just smack me til my eyes roll And I pull myself out of that shit They’re not the cycle I’m spinning with
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
We could all be under earth pretty soon Am I the only one who hears the noise in the room When it’s silent as hell And there’s all these people wishing me well But I can’t help but feel that it all pull asunder The rattling windows to the sound of thunder As it all caves in And who would win When the triumph is naught It’s like some disease that we’ve caught That makes us capable to kill And at will The degenerate Comes to pull apart the state Of affairs and of the mind I swore I would leave no one behind
I just wanna die with you It would be perfect poetry Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry As forces try to pull us apart But they can’t kill what is all heart And tomorrow is a day no one can promise But you looked in my eyes and you were honest As you spilled truth like rain And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again As it brushes my skin I was never at home til I met him And suddenly the sky Turns and I must watch my lover die On the battlefield But the victory goes to the one who yield But for all the weight of my storm I could only ever keep you warm For a certain length of time And now all I’ve left of you Is something made of us two Growing under my skin I could never replace him With someone new I just wanted you To know the truth The prisoner and her youth
There’s a war in the chat bots And it’s all about taking shots And not seeing each other’s points of view I adopt the one that you Profess that you own But now I’m grown I’ve been born and raised And its something that I’ve praised I don’t need no sea to open I don’t need to get by on coping I need to release my hands and see That in the realm of grey mystery There is a fleck of colour In the absence something fuller Makes itself known And though the game may have been thrown Something still resides in my soul It’s more than an ad at the Super Bowl
I’ve learned not to fight with the feminists They never seem to get the point It seems more about our differences Than the ways that we are joined And the women wanted to join the march But their shirts weren’t made of starch So they couldn’t play I watched them turn the floats away Because if you stand in the way Of Roe V. Wade You can guess the dragon that will be slayed And I know it goes against the grain But I cannot triumph the rain When it falls upon bitter hands Who claim that they own the lands When they only till the field And the feminine must yield To the greater flow of life That doesn’t mean I’d be a wife Or subservient to a man But I just never can Let myself believe That I grieve Over sufferings that mean nothing at all And when you talk to the wall It does not talk back So I walk away with all I lack And leave that shit behind They don’t control this mind
There is the fear that death could separate us And that I have to rush to you To profess my love Til above Reaches in its hand And takes away my only man The only one I’ve ever sought To give myself to beyond the taught And you are serene and beautiful But your skin’s as thin as cotton wool And the people are all saying I’m crazy But it doesn’t faze me I just take a step back And their affection feels like an attack On summer wine As they take my time And make it theirs Hands up if anyone cares I know they will say they’ve got the best of intentions It’s just that they never mention You, anymore And I wonder if that closed door Has slammed shut If only I could get out of this aperture of slut As they all seek to cling Coz, God knows, they’d hold onto anything And I open out my palm As the bell rings an alarm In the hall of calling like it is And is it a surprise that I’m still his In spite of the battleship That is equipped Somewhere along the shore To hammer at my door Like a man knocking on my breath But it hasn’t opened to him yet
There is crippling instability at my core I try to balance what I adore On the scales But a part of me rails And tries to decide That I no longer want to be alive If it means that I’m not with her Always wondering what we were And she hates me now but I feel her breath Whispering “do not forget” All that we are And she says I am her star No black hole But the measure of her soul And she calls to me Across the sea Of forever in between Am I crazy or is this a dream I just cannot wake from All I love will someday be gone And ripped to shreds This is what I think of when I lay in bed
The fluctuation hit me like a ton of bricks And now I am in bits As she sails to another sea Never knowing the weather she visited on me And it’s like a plume You can tell it’s been in the room Because there is a fume That wafts And you could say she’s daft But it’s more than that She’s caught in a wave she can’t take back As she bullets into the sky And I wonder if I would’ve died If I’d met her on the road Because she never slowed In her speech And she is out of reach As I extend The part of me that would mend A sensory organ But I can’t get a word in As it rocks us back and forth And the worst part of a divorce Is you never see that person again Not in the same way, not women and men I wish her well Because I know the hell She is living in I also know that I cannot win When that’s in control God bless her and ease her soul As it beats against the cage it’s kept in I wonder does she know Him In her darkest day All the same I wouldn’t want to get in her way When she’s on the wrong side of the beach I think it’s the lesson she came to teach
He’s trying to get power any way he can Coz he lost it all when she lost her man To the facade of budding away Isn’t that what they all say About midnights come the dawn And he will swear he did nothing wrong But I watched her on her hands and knees Trying to find something in which to believe And she was ashen framed And you like the structure of he who must not be named In the sea She rolled with me But the forest burned down Now I just watch you leave the town Over and over Searching for your four leafed clover
The false circuitry Has the current running in circles around me And you could say it’s electricity But it’s just as likely to abandon me Like everyone did When everyone ran and hid And they committed me to St. Pat’s And I committed to never coming back Because how do you return from a sojourn In the realm of the forlorn Where people tear out their hair And the worst thing you can do is care And feel everything “That girl has a broken wing” And there’s a demon stalking these halls I can feel him through the walls Of my cage Rocking back and forth for an age It’s a wonder I don’t fall away And just fall for what they say When they tell me I am unwell And that there’s no such thing as hell But once I mention that word I watch the nurse quake in her boots at what she heard And I must be quiet and say nothing at all Because somehow I am answering the call And I sit in the office just discussing my state I don’t mention I wanna taken Stephen on a date Coz he is so damn cute Couldn’t be more like the proof That heaven is real As he tries to steal Me away from the long arm of the law And I wonder if I should let on I’m in the midst of the Great Thaw
The darkness of the night is very near And it was an education in fear When they taught me about the man in black And that I must be wary of an attack I still remember the moment it made an impact Cut to the future and I jacked When I saw that same abyss again And instead of a god, it was men And I ran and ran Because only the truth can Catch up to me And the scenery is no match for me As I turn a blind eye On what it is to die In the midnight of the day And they tell me it’s okay I ask the doctor if the devil is real Because hell is sure what I feel When I’m looking in the mirror And I barely hear her When she say that she don’t know She says she’ll help me though And she’s from India so I trust in where this is gonna go
The wrench I try not to feel Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal With the wave that races to the shore And it crushes everything I adore And all are sandcastles, all are water I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter Who may never see you again And you were the best of men Though something whispers to me that you are here Closer than close and ever near And I look for it in their eyes But all I ever see is the disguise That hides you from me They equate eternity With what they can know With their mind, so I pull away Because I know you cannot stay Not here, not with me You are free And I unlock the chains That keep you incumbent to the rain And all the aching that I feel Is the only thing that is real As I run to St. Pat’s And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats Til I can’t feel the grief They must replace the belief With a shallow kind of pain The kind that has people squint with strain And say, sure isn’t that the way But I return to the bay As it opens out onto the Pacific And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific And lays all my shreds bare Til there’s nothing left to tear And my dress may be ruined But I think God knows what He’s doing When he says to me I will take away the temporary So you can know the permanent How could hell be heaven sent?
She’s buried under the weight of timber And she calls me a sinner For what she cannot see That it has devastated me And he looks at me that way And there’s so much I want to say But I can’t and now it’s never That’s the hard part of forever It doesn’t let go And so I let the waves rise up To overflow the cup Of water I’ve been drinking They say that it’s overthinking But somehow it feels more real And it’s just that she cannot deal With her own grief she fires at dart at me And I don’t have the heart to let it be I storm up a flame and turn away Go deaf to everything she say Coz it’s all a repetition Of something she learned in some edition Of something she read And I never said What I meant But when I sent That letter true I thought it would deliver to you But it must have missed the mark Now I’m just swinging swords in the dark And hoping to connect With a dream I seem to have wrecked With my steady brutality Oh, the weight of what’s been placed on me Is a blessing true And all of this because I lost you
My heart is touched By the ones I love so much And I can’t bear the loss Bearing the heavy weight of cost Of all this time And everything that’s mine Will one day belong to the sky We do not know the hour we die Or the day or the year All I know is that a tear Slides down my face When something goes to waste Because it was not said And it pounds in my head As I’m lying in bed Hoping to stay warm And all form Is permeable to The water that just wears through Our steady soul And the waves roll Over the Burren floor It was once at the bottom of the ocean and what’s more It’s solidity Is only apparent when it’s taken from me To go sliding away I close my eyes to the day And embrace the night Have people ask; “are you alright?” And yes I am, but no I’m not Like asking a candle is it hot As it slowly melts This is made to be felt As it sits in my chest And holds the people I love the best In the Kilglass sun What if everything is the One
The inner child weeps And she never sleeps For all the people she loves Will one day be above Or at least that’s what they say I don’t know if it is that way But I’ve always felt the wrench Felt the knot in my gut clench As it tries to clasp What it knows can never last Not in a hundred million suns Not in finding the sacred one Because the heat must die To find the reason that you try To reach the sky And I Just find tears Amidst all the years And cling to the frame The door that bears my name But it can’t weather the storm Of the heart that beats me warm In the summer free I feel death stalking me And in the winter fine I feel that it is time To let the leaves go Let the winds blow Let the waters flow And find that there is no separation, you know
There are tiny tremors that rock the boat But all it seems to do is float As it engages on the rocky sea As people wonder what the fuck is up with me And I can’t explain That I just come down with the rain And the pain Is sweet as the music Andrew plays As he sings away my days Into a crescendo of perfect purpose And the rigmarole seems like a circus Everybody loves But those gloves Don’t fit me anymore So I just shut the door On them And some part of me says Amen
She can’t stop running interference And though I held her dear once I can’t keep up this spin Why don’t you keep that aspect of yourself for him Like you’ve been trained to do But I never will be you In all this mountainous thunder And taking a number To be what you are Has every star Been categorised And every sunset a way the day dies I don’t know about your aching pain As it tries to force me to stand in the rain Because you got wet From a time you cannot forget All the lights shine But forever will never be mine As long as I pick up after you I feel cold at the sound of your laughter too Because it rings of disdain And your aching stain On the carpet or sheet There must have been a reason we meet By universal design But know that I cannot call mine What only pulverises And she surmises That I’m cutting, direct The words she hurls haven’t changed me yet But I just feel this sigh Coming on like a longing goodbye As I wonder why She never understood jack And now she cannot take it back
There’s darker than that in the shadows And the girl rebelled on All Hallow’s Eve and there were claps of thunder I saw them taking my number So I ran and ran Now no one can Reach me And no matter what they teach me I cannot unsee the truth That perforated the wisdom of my youth They try to placate Say; find a perfect date Find a man you can settle down with Though it might be hard coz you’re such a bitch But I don’t care anyway I just sway With the leaves in the trees As everyone believes that down on your knees Is the way to free But it just isn’t me And the man is beautiful, the man is real But he just closes down how I feel And say’s to me on the phone Goodbye, Laura, now I’m alone As the bombs go off And I pay the cost For the rattling rain That hammers my doorstep again And again and again I can’t reasonably blame the weather on men But then I do I just blame you For casting me out For casting aspersions and self doubt On who I am And if I’ve any choice as to who I can Love, it will never be you Even if your baby blue Is enticing My soul is advicing Me to depart I do it all with solemn heart
When people implore me with their eyes But I don’t care who dies Because I have seen beyond the form And what happens when the body warm Soon turns cold and depart The spirit leaves by the heart And returns to join it’s immortal core They struggle to say I love you more In their attempts at suppression Some kind of drive at oppression Til I’m twenty nine and in confession As the priest says this will be your last aggression But I just can’t muster up the energy to say I’m saving it for another day Because everything is now And somehow In the forest of storm I found that which was never born And so can never leave this earth The something beyond the hurt And though they try to scratch and claw They are no match for the Great Thaw That is unfolding humanly On the planet and undoing me Well the “me” I thought I was It does not abide by laws But sits in it’s own sweet soul And tells the waves to roll and roll They will still meet the beach If this is what it is to teach Then call my words silent prose This is the less travelled road
The porcupine is out tonight She hits me with her firing light And everything is just fair game She shells me and I don’t feel the same Because everything is just a mood And all she ever does is brood To bake what she can never cook And do everything by the book The book she names The book she recites She looks at me And dynamites Everything that ever was She says that she does it coz She loves me but I think that’s a hoot I watch as the flames take root In desire and in fear I push away when she comes near Coz forests come and forests go But the green will stay the same so I trust in my own hands of clay When I just walk surreptitiously say Nothing at all to you It’s been an ocean, these shades of blue
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
He wants to mean something to me But he was just a dream that never got to be And now he self flagellates That he never took the girl on dates And he makes do with what he has But most of the time he just feels bad That he settled for Someone he could never adore Only ever be useful to And she’d skull the devil to get to you Because you’ve got that verdant green And arches her back the way it had never been Before And the shore May be a more sunny shade of grey But you and I were never that way So I take the bull by the horns But something warns Me to just let it go He’s not what you think, you know And he rained bloody blue hell On the summer of wishing me well And I don’t know if he can tell But when I fell I fell hard And let the bard Inside of me run loose But she has run out of juice And gets by on mere gasoline I wonder does she ever scream When you make her high I wonder does she feel you When you wanna die Like I do I’m miles away and the needle pulls through On another thread I don’t want to be witness to someone else’s bed But I feel it all And I forestall The grief For mere belief In who I am to be You won’t make a whore out of me
The control is like a vicegrips, it sneaks round my neck And I wonder which part of me she will wreck With the next seize I let go and I believe That everything is okay Innocently go about my day And then it comes Like a wave of a hundred drums Banging their beat Like people with the floor and feet And she snatches up what she can grasp But this thing can never last Coz it just burns the fuse When I am something she would use To ameliorate herself And gain some kind of wealth In someone else’s eyes But it’s a disguise And the lies Are so obvious now But when I believed them, not somehow
Somehow there is a starship far away And it is hidden in every day In the midst of meals and courses In the midst of screaming fights, divorces And I call that love, it’s a futile road To ever carry that heavy load They call life And every wife Knows the weight Of hiding in her husbands hate As he trudges through the snow Pretending he is in the know And I’m taking apart an institution Because it is in my constitution And I always wanted to be a newly wed So I could share somebody’s bed But that dream has faded And I’m jaded At thirty three Like I swore I’d never be I’d follow every dream to its resolution But now it seems the only solution Is to let it go And rest and know That every cloud has its silver lining And I’m one who is undefining What it means to be woman and grown I plunge into the unknown And come out smelling of roses I didn’t realise that I chose this Over a life of steady familiarity Rooted in the ground like a deep tree So steady in its being But there’s something else I’m seeing In the mists of time It’s you and I and we are fine Just as we are Behind every black hole is a hidden star
There seems to be a prohibition on being who I am They tell me not to speak against the plan Or analyse But everyone dies Why does nobody see And if they do why do they blame me For letting the truth fly And I don’t want to cry But I will If it means I don’t have to kill The beauty inside me For a man who will ride me Sometimes in the dark And leave a mark Like loneliness on the step It is something I can never accept So I throw the papers back in his face As he tells me I’m a living disgrace Because I don’t amount to The stepford wife he’s been pushing through And someday you will bear child But I am ever wild And I have no intention to tame that flame Just to wear someone else’s name And say that I am his I used to ace the quiz But he says I know nothing at all So I make him talk to the wall That is in front of his face Because I do not want to waste Any of my receptivity On who he wishes me to be And I guess it’s handed down Like a shower and a dressing gown The perfect man does not exist It’s all steam and rising mist To dim your eyes And the disguise Was brilliant true But it took like 0.1 seconds to see through And now you bow her branches down But the leaves never touch the ground
The identification falls away Like sticks and stones that never got a say In who I’ve become And I used to be young But I always felt old It doesn’t matter how many times I’m told That my whole life’s ahead of me But I’d rather kiss the dread in me As it lays down its head I always wake up when I am in bed And the monsters reach out to catch my arms They ring the bell when people do themselves harm In Dean Swift It’s like an alarm and I am pissed That for some reason it never tolls for me And they don’t see I’ve been set free As I sit in their cage And there’s so much rage So I just put it on a page To catalogue a new brand of product I heard hate travels by viaduct Is the whole thing fucked As my parents say to sit down and shut up Quiet is a kind of love So I let them stick needles and thorns Into my skin coz I look forlorn And there’s blood but it’s not of my doing I’m not up for the pursuing Anymore So I just sit on the floor Of the music room But the guitar’s out of tune And there is no capo I know I could make a map though Out of all these fragments of signs They beat me to a pulp ten thousand times As he makes me apply to the office I don’t know who will profit Coz I’ll never run the numbers Not for him, not for any of their hungers And he sends me an email to apply for the accounting exam I say no but it’s like Mayo and Sam It doesn’t get heard or come to fruition I’m all about that early edition
He thinks he owns wherever he sets his flag And he wants me so bad But I can see that he just wants to conquer ground And lay claim to my sound And there are many ways for the male To set their sail High up into the sky But I would rather die Than be anybody’s business So I will not be your mistress Not any kind of bargaining chip As you equip Your long guns and your cannons rare To fire on what you feel is not fair And you train your pistol or your rifle On the girl who would dare trifle With your reign You will not see me again As I take my leave For the sake of what you would believe About me Do you doubt me You will see My home is in eternity Not in a dishevelled pair of eyes Who barely manage to uphold their disguise By burying themselves in a girl Like she would be your world If you managed to make her comply But like I said I cannot lie Empty as the grave I left It’s not me who’s bereft As the sun without light Solar power in moonlight
Run to the states And they’re asking who it is she dates And I’m so focused on People being gone That I can’t see them when they are here And, Lord knows, I hold them dear But I just cannot contort into shapes The air in my lungs escapes As I try to be the solid stance Then a beautiful boy asks me to dance And I say no because he wants a kiss And I know I would miss If I ever thought to try I just wonder what will happen when we all die And western society is obsessed with youth It always seemed a little uncouth At a three day wake You’d swear the dead would make the ground quake And join in the festivity All joking aside they are still with me I feel my grandmother’s breath against my cheek And when I feel weak I know her prayers save my life I don’t think she knew the strife I walked through when she was alive But I let the veil fall and our love survive The transition out of form And she may not have been warm When she lay so still But her spirit never will Grow cold as the grave She is the power that save Me from my own mistakes I let her help and the fever breaks
Life is a tremulous thing And a bird with only one wing Flies in a circle if she flies at all I just remember running into the hall And screaming bloody blue murder As I woke up from a sleep I had been held in the bed By a weight I could not keep And they all held like snooker balls Atoms of air until they all fall And weigh on me like turf But I am released and I surf The wave out of the room Imagine arms catching me with the sound of doom And my parents come to me in a flash And I’m crying, trembling and I can’t put the genie back In the bottle now that he’s been set free Every time the phone rings my heart beats against the tree I use to hold myself together Because the weather Was unpredictable and strange And no matter how stable it would always change As I lose a grandmother to the going away And I must not cry because she could not stay But my ears are pulsing with the noise And the din rattles bones like they are play toys As I always expect the next mute surrender I gave in to always remember The torture of losing love to the emptiness Now the darkness starts to dress Me in its own clothes and cloak Everything around me in the bespoke Am I just reading the dial When people look at me I fake a smile So they don’t look to hard And see the facade behind the business card I hand out to everyone who wants to get in touch And you’d never know I love you so much When I just stare into your soul Every wave is beautiful but they all roll Into the one And every man is somebody’s son And deserves respect and compassion Even when he sings about an assassin That lives in his heart She aimed true though and took the part He had been protecting out of the dark And I bet he was the better mark In the end I’d like to think she knows I’m a friend But all bullets find their way home I guess that’s why she’s complete and I am alone With my own front facing tremor I don’t think I’d want to be on the good ship Endeavour Even if I was to stake a claim And somehow make a name For myself in the western based media But its not all what they feed to ya As babies cry for mother they’ll never see I just don’t want that to ever be me
Me and Power had a war of wills And he flexed his skills In my direction But my selection Is to reside where I’ve always been And sit in the seat of a goddess or queen Somewhere in the avenue of soul I wander the grounds and I just roll With the wave they want to crash I’ve had better nights on the lash As he forces a pill into my hand Like he could inopportune the ocean with sand And he draws waifs on the beach And comes to teach Me about the dragons that breathe fire On the weak and never tire To seek out souls to ravage and dement He doesn’t realise I never went Away but to come again And I am not afraid of men Or of beasts that gnaw What’s trembling me is the great thaw As it steals aspects of my glacier I am the North Pole and I need ya To stem the flow of climate change But I feel the days get strange As I see the ferocious that eats her And I know it wants to delete her And she senses it too She’s not mad, she’s just looking into The abyss and it’s looking back I look at the jenga I stack And I know this house is gonna fall And I’m not up for playing hard ball With someone who thinks he knows Why the woman is on the road I just flash him a glance I think he knows there’s no second chance
I delved into the dark of night And somehow I came out alright Like that bright blue rose I wandered the streets and I chose Life over death But I cannot forget The things I saw And I blame everything on the great thaw And I took a comic worth 50 cent Out of a box and away I went But I felt bad and I repaid The charity for my shade And you can say it was poor mental health But I still felt the cards were dealt Harshly and I take a couple hundred euro And leave it in an envelope to secure ya In my attempt at redemption I actually never told the priest at the intervention But it was because I had forgotten And because I sensed I was not well gotten By that particular son of Christ So I said what I could splice And took my shit and ran And the only place that can Fail to make a demon of me Is the place where the hellish ghouls were set free And they came to devour what they could I swore that they wanted blood And the psychiatrist said it was just my mind And that sanity was only something I could find In pills and therapy But the silence gets the best of me When I sit across from a nurse Asking me how it might have hurt And all I can think is that his eyes are oceans And they convey seafaring waves of emotion And if he was a colour it would be green Like the t-shirt he wears and all we could have been If only he had been single And I had been coherent enough to mingle But I take the easy route As my lover plays the flute Somewhere far away and I see That it’s only cloaking the mystery To realise That even the beautiful dies When faced with its own fragility I let them wound the hurt in me
The Achilles Heel Is that I know how you feel And I spilt those words Not because I’m away with the birds But because I wanted you to know You’re not alone when you move slow Like a glacier cutting through rock And I pretended to be something I’m not And there’s only so long I can keep it up Like the sound of you and her making love It echoes in my mind I try to leave it behind But it’s imprinted like a dice That rolled on me for being too nice To you when you would have devoured All of the women that you empowered With your subtle soul And a boy becomes man when he gets old But I don’t think I like Being the wrong side of your spite And when you bite Your teeth sink in That is why I am not with him
I knocked the wall down with the force of my kick And there are people who say he’s a dick But I rebel against that categorisation And do my own investigation And after years of sifting through pages I’ve realised that my heart rages To be let out of its cage And make love to the man I found in a past age And I was eighteen and six months older And he was a man just rolling a boulder Up a hill, he could never reach the top I was pretending to be something that I am not And somehow he saw the queen In between the subterfuge and the dream I left the door wide open when I walked out So that my intentions would not be in doubt You can follow me anywhere I go I’ll let out in, you know He held me close and I fell slow Into his arms And none of his charms Are wasted But what I tasted Were his innocent eyes Somewhere in between the disguise And now everybody knows That he’s the one my soul chose
There is a look you scarce can hide Not even when you’re by her side And I can see the way she don’t reach Into the lessons you long to teach And she may be fine by the beach But she’s not the one to help you sleep By her side And you are alive But you’re in a lot of pain I can feel it in the rain That pours from your eyes And if the hero dies Is the story over And I don’t even know her But I know enough to say She is not me, okay And you will never find your truth In the prism of your youth Thinking you’ve won the war Not realising what it’s for And you swore you had one over on me But I just set you free And I know I may not see you again Not in this form so I look at other men And they are wonderous and pure But I am still fuckin’ sure That you’re the one I long to be with And I’m not gonna call her a bitch Just because some theft’s going on And I may be gone But I still feel you wish For my lips to meet your kiss Like they did on the first day Our palm to palm and then away Into the pub where no alcohol is served And I observed That when I swerved Away from you You still pondered what to do And if you could reach over to me But thank you for letting me be free I was too young for sex Or committing to what you wanted to do next And I returned several years later And was enamoured til I realised you date her All the while I poured my soul Into your begging bowl And you see yourself as pathetic and weak Because you did not speak Up when you felt the cue But I’ve always seen the king in you And he rules the realm of my heart It only gets stronger since we’ve been apart
We sang to “Don’t Stop Believing” I was eighteen and we’d just won Our souls in the starring of the sun And those girls were my life I had no notion of being a wife But you walked right in the door And suddenly I’m not my own anymore As you just look through the facade and you Can see I’m red in the places where you’re blue Now fast forward fifteen years And you have had your fair share of tears With a woman you swear is the one But I can see you, son And your anger bubbles water Over that goddess daughter And she looks past what you are I can see the star In you grow dim And her disappointment when she looks at him That she don’t recognise That emotion in his eyes And I would love to emote And play him back my favourite quote That I stole from his page Like a note in school that’s all the rage As we pass it to one another And I know you’ve got a lover But it doesn’t dim the want And it haunt As I know he’s foreign property I just don’t want her to fight with me Not even over you Interrupt your wedding to exclaim that you Are the one for me And set you free From the chains you chose But it was from the dead He rose And shone the light And though I see your kryptonite I can’t use it against you There is no defense you Can use to hide from me So I retreat and abide in the sea Between two opposite pairs of land Does she ever take your hand And mean what I did I heard it in your voice as you hid From me on the phone So I will leave it alone And commit myself to a mental institution Because that is the only solution That will keep me from profess That a white dress Was never needed to be wed And it doesn’t matter who you have in bed You’ll always be the flame that burns But it’s not from books that he learns
The Angel burst through my skin And in that moment I was One with Him The impervious, the crystalline And some people do hard time Trying to live up to A purpose they are longing to Embody And shoddy I wander the streets Til something in me meets The end of the road So I lay down the load And ask to be taken to the sky It is not the same as to die I whisper to Stephen That there are things I can’t help believing And I tell him that I write He flexes his eyebrows and I wonder if the sight Will ever leave my mind That he did not leave me behind In that moment true Like she had done too In the moments that we held And she weld Her steel to the iron It masks the way I’m lying About all I am And the plan Scares me to death And I spill the regret That I’ve been holding in my soul To someone who would roll The waves upon my shore He shone on me like an open door And in the midst of that smile I was okay for a while
She brushed past me like I meant nothing at all To her and I stare at the wall Something has erected between us Have we wrecked it or did we dream it And she is ethereal and she is true But dare I spill my heart to you Because I can see all your flaws And the places where the sun thaws All your ice into fluid water And no daughter Is exactly like what has come before I open the door And you’re still behind it I know I’m aloof but I wouldn’t mind it It’s just a detachment I cultivate So no one can read my state And who I am Just dropped outside the plan When I was fourteen years old And wouldn’t do what I was told I collapsed on the floor And an open door Let me out of the dark And yet I still bear the mark Of those two months in depression It is my ardent confession That it was for love of loss That I took up my cross And walked with it to Calvary I know he didn’t mean to startle me When he just saw my truth And I may have been a youth But I am also ancient, old Must I wait until the story is told To reveal the core Beyond all the “I love you more” I just want him to know exactly who I am And Kilglass may never win Sam But I give my heart and soul to the team In the years I’d build a dream Til a voice on the sideline Puts me on for a minute of time And the embarrassment colours my skin Like talking on the phone to him When he pulls the rug I shared out from under me And if he’s setting me free I’m gonna fly away Not wait around for what he’s gonna say About my season If women are love and men are reason Give me compassion any day And let the rest just fade away
The entertain Holds all the rain And I can never discover What is undercover As they hold each and every secret But would they know how to keep it If I split each and every end of hair I answer their questions like a prayer I turn my face away When they say All is just ash and timber In the crematorium where I am limber And they move with the masses The last time I was in classes I towed the line Til the voice said; it is time And I departed to the foreign shore And I know he loved me more Than I can countenance And our first dance Will be by our death bed I keep my closets in the shed And I would have hidden them away Til I caught him say I love you true But he’s got a woman and I don’t want to Break into her scene If this place is really a dream Then would I like to forestall the waking I draw in each breath that I’m taking Until my mouth is dry And people threaten to die All the time I collapsed and the light sublime Encased me like a drug But I don’t know if I should Reveal All I feel The Eternal that made me kneel
We were the kings and queens of Longford town When we wandered around And we would slip away to the mall Or the shopping centre, shall We make this dice roll I never found my soul In any of the boys I met Til I found you in a state of regret Mired by your own burning timber But the flames warm my hands and the cinders Throw light upon my darkened frame What did you say your name Was Because It was a beautiful echo Is it something that we wreck though When we fight and storm Ten years later and what once was warm Now burns my skin So I close the door on him Is it something that I regret? No, but I still cannot forget The sound of his breath As he drew in a gasp As I twirl the asp Between my thumbs I really thought you were the one But you ruled yourself out Of that qualification and my mouth Can’t seem to hold in the truth That I loved you in our youth So I just cut the line And if you want to call me that’s just fine But you won’t reach me on that number And if we were younger We could chalk it up to our age Now my blackboard is this page As I write you over and over And I don’t even know her So I keep my financial distance And your resistance Is not needed, my friend The beginning of this was the end
The desire to be alone And I throw away my fuckin phone I let the number go dead So if you call you’ll get a dial tone instead Not that you do Not that I expect that of you I shut off the facebook and the gram I hope you understand I close all avenues of communication So that your elation Cannot perforate My darkened state As I lean into who I am And the plan Is just to grow my wings My heart sings It’s own refrain And the pain Is like the feathers bursting from my skin Oh, the power that is within And I know my friends May need me to make amends In a future state But I cannot ignore this date As it announces itself inside me And I feel I have to hide me From all seeing eyes But to be myself is just a disguise That no one seems to recognise And the lies Are just that the true Is something which issues from you Unselfconsciously Oh, what he did to me!
I read a book about the riverbed And the man working out in the shed Turned out to be A grandfather that had been missing me Since his passing And it’s classing Things as one or the other That separates you from your brother In arms or truth And misspent youth Is no secret to keep The days I’ve been dying in my sleep Trying to fly And I know that you die Every day I think of you Because separation between us two Is not something I can stare Down and just not care It’s been over twenty two years And it’s still as fresh today I asked God to never take away The wound so raw But the great thaw Is stilling the pain And the blood just falls on me like rain As I give up the grain That stains the wood I lean upon The tree of me that is long gone And it crumbled in the storm They say they were trying to keep me warm But it was their ice that burned my core And I don’t want to be part of it anymore So I escape to America I can’t say why the esoterica Always calls to me And points me to the door to the free That opens from within And in my heart I find him
I can feel the fervent hope start to diminish As I watch the age of us finish And a new one begin It’s not about who win As the demons drag me under And the thunder Knows no bounds When it comes to overwhelming sounds I’m stuck in St. Pat’s With the pain turned up to max And all the doctors just attack Me with their pills It’s like a display of wills As they try to force me to obey And fall into their particular sway And say “it’s just psychosis” But I have always been precocious And spit back at them “I swear if you say that again I will bring the full weight of the world Down to earth to be hurled At your statin skin” Then I just look away from him Because he never hears me And the day just nears me When it will be revealed And all the life congealed Like a scab on my finger I’m a poet, some kind of singer Who has a melody in her mind And just because I left it behind Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still ring true I blackmail the best of you Into submission And my commission Is a death most profound I did it coz I hear the sound Of echoes infinite I woke up in the dead of night
The Poetry Book 