Kissing sweet men 
Makes me roll in the clouds
And the bedsheets speak your name 
As I place the blame 
On you for all you could not be 
But maybe the problem was me
As I took aim
When you said it’s just not the same 
And I cry out; why
And you say; we’re both gonna die
Someday
And it’s okay
I dry my eyes 
And we kiss in the middle of goodbyes 
That I can’t bear to countenance 
Do you think we could have one last dance
As you hold my hand in the street
And I think that the day we meet
Might be just passé
Who the hell is she anyway?
You sigh
And I can’t meet your eye 
In the winter wilderness snow
I just don’t know how to let you go
Into the arms of wife and child
And it’s so wild
That we came from nothing
To be the stars
And I realise why I was chasing cars
Coz your number plate spelled L-A-Z 
And suddenly 
You’re talking to me
Like a bolt outta the blue
I didn’t know I would lose my heart to you
Almost ten years later 
Why did you date her 
Right in front of my face
And, damn, all the time that we waste
Trying to put the jigsaw piece into place
And it’s nobody’s fault and everybody’s business
When you spilt the beans
I was watching when you posted Dreams

Who is a writer
The one who picks up the pen
And gets inspired by men 
There was a guy called Daz
And I walked through a sea of lads
Just to meet his eye
In a place where love can never die
And they call me goofy and they call me a fool
And Americans call college school
But I met him in the hall
I ran the length of the wall
Just to whisper through the crevice
Do you wanna be an absolute menace 
With me
And free
Our blood pulses in our veins 
As we talk each others names
Casually, in conversation 
And the elation
Is not one sided we
Have made our own version history
Somewhere in the great unfold
You were my field of gold
When I laboured in the dark
And I have memories of Nutgrove park
Right by the church
Loving the way it hurt
Coz it meant that you got in
But you are the colour of him
When he breaks the sun across the sky
Something of us will never die
As red as a shepherd’s morning
I took it as a grave warning
To be on my guard
And when it got hard
I hid my loving part
From the work of art
That is your eye
When it’s locked into my lie
As it’s beating true
The heart in me was made for you




Photo Credit: Jason Blackett on Unsplash.com

Chasing poems
Are you on your own
And could this reach out to you
I let me heart go out to the place where you
Stood still in the window 
And I pile on the sarcasm but still though
If everything’s in the present moment
Then you are mine and I own it
Like a race car I drive
When I pray that you’re still alive
Coz I’ve stopped staring at a screen
To tell me I could find my dream
In a man many miles away
I should’ve told you I want you to say
With me forevermore
And I only showed you the door
We all must walk through some day
Bodies are born to go away
But love stays true and real
I look at you like it’s no big deal

He has a heart vacancy
And there’s a light that goes on 
When a car leaves the place 
I loved for so long
And she’s not what she seems 
As she wields the magic
But somewhere in her eyes
There is something tragic
And I feel it ache my bones
When we are all alone
And I just wanna touch
The place she hurts and heal
What the boy who broke the wave to steal
The water from the gods
Found a woman who was the Lord
Of her own domain
We’re both standing in the rain
But it is good and free
And she means the world to me
With her jet black hair
And stare
As we young and twenty two
The city between me and you
Now all that has faded
As the look, it ages 
More than the picture crumbles
He finds her vest and fumbles
With the ties that bind
And he is on my mind
Most mornings in the afternoon
The presence light up the room
As cacophony becomes just another sound
He’s just a buddy I want around 
In the melee 
I think love could be more than setting you free 

They are monsters in the making
And I wonder if they’re faking 
The lines they draw in the sand
Because someone somewhere takes a hand 
And promises someone love
But the same palm becomes a boxing glove
As it curls into a fist
And I missed the memo to the place where I exist
As something other than old defeat
I washed my hair at his feet
And he just sighed his heart
And I could hear him fall apart
In my peace
And I know what he wants to cease
But the trouble can’t sustain 
Itself in this rain
And if I had to I would do it again
Just to catch the tear from his eye
My love, there’s a Love that will never die 
And I move out of the place obscure
I know it’s pure
And precious and bold
But you have a heart of gold 
Hidden beneath the fray
My dear, are you okay
Under that weight
I want you to know that the hate
Isn’t all it seems to be
Trust in Him and trust in me

There’s no point reasoning with them 
Because they cannot see sense
And the world is living in the present tense
Of rules and order
What is in a border
When you can’t cross it
And you can’t imagine the loss, it
Steals away the very heart
Of living, the breathing’s the taking part 
As I beg to stem the flow of tears
A heart breaking as we count the years
Like speckled eggs
I drain the cup and the dregs
Sit in my throat
Beware of who you choose to quote 

I see the face of the innocent child
Burned into my heart so wild
And they both take sides
Take love and take lives 
From our hands 
And the sands 
Bear no trace of the sea
But if it was up to me
I’d reach over and grasp a hand
Though there’s no way I can understand 
What you’re going through
But you’re not alone, you
Have to hear my voice
Retribution is not a choice
That anyone should have to make
But the glass breaks as the ground shake 
Can the turmoil be stemmed 
Like the flow of blood from wounds again

Am I non binary or am I just free
Coz when they say woman are they talking to me?
Coz I’ve always been at home as a girl
But the 12,000 petalled lotus exists to unfurl 
And I’m no longer limited to this body
The road you take may be a little bit shoddy
But it’s been well tested, tried and true
And it’s the part leading to the heart of you
And I’m all worn down like cogs in pieces
Time’s the only thing that never ceases
Until you find a home within yourself
They tell me that it’s bad for my mental health
Coz I’m not moving all a flurry 
I look around and, well, what’s the hurry
And they had me tied up and locked down
Til I’m in a room and I want to drown
With the noise of all that is a sin
I hold back the worst coz it is a din
And find the peace that passes all understanding
You come to realise what they are demanding 
When they speak to you in their treble tones
Can you drop the bass when you’re all alone
Or is it something that needs a plot
Don’t be the person that time forgot
Walk in your way unto the sky
And never, in this life, be afraid to die
Just hold out hope and have faith
In all that will not make you wait

Something within me cries for your soul
You’re the story that’s never been told
And the mountains that stretch from the valleys and hills
Overcome the strength of both of our wills
As we strive to get somewhere
But darling I still care
About how you are
I wish you every star
That could ever shine in the Heavens
Are we just a pair of elevens
With my hand in your pocket
The jeans you wear, my heart a locket
That you wear around your neck
I gave up and we were wrecked
From the chasm to the abyss
And it’s years that I’ve thought to miss
Your easy smile, your breezy way
And I’m not lost for what to say
Coz in your company I’m complete
And we play a game with our feet
And how you wanted me scared me deep
I’m not sure if you’re what I can keep
Coz I dream of something safe and secure
You look at me and the love is pure
And I’m saddened by the wasteland that stretches between
Was together just a dream
Or something that sets fire to timber
You’re something éile and I am a cinder 
Of the fire I used to be
You kinda wash the shore of me
With your tidal wave 
And intent to save
You’re every hero in every story
All I want is that you adore me
And fill in the answer to every blank
If we are together who am I to thank
The fates, the seasons, the air, the sky
There were days I was afraid you would die
Before I ever got to see you again
I’m okay if you’re just a friend
But what do you want, do you want more
And you always play the perfect score
In rhythm, in time, in tune with the beat
And did I already mention the game with our feet
It makes me laugh, it makes me smile
It makes me sit with you for a while
As all of our dreams are walking on stilts
And for once we give up on the guilt
That seems to follow us both around
It’s real quiet, doesn’t make a sound
Til it’s storming a scene in its refrain
And it’s as though I’ve got used to the pain
That knocks on my door in winter time
Is it okay if I think of you as mine
Coz once you were and somewhere still are
And I think of you in my car
As we listen to music that makes the bedrock
I always love the parts of you that I’m not
As we burn like a celestial sphere
I can feel the heat when you are near
But we can be friends if that’s what you need
You’re the cocaine that makes my heart bleed
Out the stories that I’ve been telling
And I can hear your side so could you stop yelling
As the noise gets loud
And my integrity proud
Enough to say we won’t speak anymore
But still I sit behind a closed door
Waiting for someone to maybe knock
And I sure loved you a lot
But I’ve got to get writing this story I own
Of how a girl feels once she’s thrown
Everything into a future that will never be
And I’m tired of trying to get you to see
Coz it’s like the ocean doesn’t know the sky
Even though rain is like tears that it cry
Into a saltwater expanse
The stars twinkle diamonds into a dance
And your soul shines forth from your eyes 
Hell is the moment we yell our goodbyes
Down either end of a cold telephone
And I know that you’re not alone
As I give you all of me
You’re telling me it’s setting free
The chains that seem to contain
The world that revolves to the clockwork of pain
And I know I shouldn’t intrude
It’s just that you are a really cool dude
And I can’t help but see from afar
That you still live with the full of your heart
And your girl’s really lucky to have you for a guy
I realise you love her so I don’t try
To win you over anymore
Though you may be on the floor
Looking for something to hold onto
But, baby, don’t you know that’s you
And everything’s forever in the distant past
But only one thing really lasts
And it’s held deep within
Beyond the molten core
Don’t go saying, my love,
You don’t love me no more
In the ashes and in the ruins there rise
A phoenix from the dust in your eyes
So stand up tall, brave and true
Don’t let the fire get the best of you
Just seek and find, rest and be 
And know, deep down, you’ve always got me

He’s like the dark side I can’t admit
And I can’t outrun you so I may as well quit
And go back home where I belong
Coz some of the things you say are so wrong
And if you’re a mountain then I am the ocean
And this is no polyjuice potion
But only becoming what I’m meant to be
Walking the shoes that finally fit me
And growing up and growing in
To the life that longs to begin
And the ages that write the scroll
Like a diagram I’m trying to unroll
But I saw the cosmos in the sphere
And it whistled a note so clear
Told me to hold you dear
You gotta know my love’s sincere

It’s dark and unknowable and kind of like death
It’s not the kind of fourteen you’re gonna forget
And I walked my own boots into the school
In the years I kept each and every rule
And the dragging, it pulls me into the sea
I was locked in a box thinking I was free
And everywhere I’d go I’d just see her face
Like some ghost to haunt what was out of place
And all of the depth that I couldn’t plumb
But no matter the trouble I’m not one to succumb
And it found me there on a carpet so green
Like a bed of roses grew from where I’d been
As I woke staring at the ceiling
And it was as though I’d transcended the feeling
That shielded me from the light of day
Now the curtains have parted and it’s all gone away
And I just want to shine like what’s never been seen
Looking through walls like what could have been
And I guess that the storm was what woke the dream 
Up on the floor of an NC1 scene

Idealism has me loving him
Through the wings of a new song
And I’ve only felt
Sparsely that I belong
In and out between the fear
Catching hold of what I hold dear
In the hopes that it won’t leave
And it’s little that I don’t believe
Coz it all pulses in my throat
And are we post rote
Learning now
I sit upon the bough
Of a leaning tree
To watch the sunset fade in front of me
And think it’s much like a life
That doesn’t get to happen twice
Unless you’re into that sort of thing
A reincarnation into the skin that swim
In the great ocean
And I’ve always been emotion
Trying to calm down
But I walk on solid ground
As my heart beats in my chest
Trust in God and leave the rest

I know you don’t 
Mean to cause any harm
But d’you know what she’d be
With you on her arm
And I can see the wasteland
Desert too
All because she 
Is alienated from you
And the word never matches 
The thread never files
We’ve neither of us
Seen you in a while
And I don’t know what words 
Have been put into your mouth
But what’s coming through
Is something I can’t doubt
And we’re able to lift
We’re able to marry
We’re long past the age 
It would take it to carry
And I know that embed 
Takes root in a dream
And I don’t want to be
Just what it may seem
And I’m scared that I
Will lose her by the coast
She’s picking up sand
And looks like a ghost
And I can’t say that I
Am anything new
I fumble the rumble
And don’t know what to do
Coz I want to stand up
To all that’s real and fresh
It’s just that I 
Haven’t seen your equal yet
And you’ve got trouble
But it’s also pizazz
I wouldn’t change you
Just leave it as
It already is
As I stifle a sigh
This is just love
And a long goodbye
Out in the ocean
As dry as a cork
Do you eat with your hands 
Or use a fork 
Cause we’re so civilized 
In the way that we hurt
But our roots are in soil
And they’re digging up dirt
Like a lone
Call into the wind
I look up and 
The vane, it spinned

My irrepressible spirit
I make noise so that you might hear it
But it is in silence that it’s clear
The sounds that are so near
To nothing they barely exist
And there are people I can’t resist
As they move and sashay
Why do you think he looked at me that way
Am I just a free lover out to get my kicks
Or is there something deeper to it
As I share a moment held aloft
And I find ways to dust myself off
When I fail inevitably 
But I’m not one for the revelry
My heart is all in my soul
And it’s only my body getting old
As I turn the thirties around
Do you think I could find solid ground
To be the earth beneath my feet
Am I a delta where the waters meet
And do you know exactly what you are
I don’t so I rely on a star
To shine like I think I do
I don’t know what I see in you
But it is unavoidably cool
I just wanted to say that you rule! 
And she would have loved that the light that you shine
I hope I can show her the moments you were mine 
Even if only for a very short time
Now she is part of the light sublime
And I talk to her in a candle flame
And though it’s not the same
I can feel her near to me
And her irrepressibility
She woulda loved to see me with you
I always knew she wanted me to
Find someone that feels just right
I wonder if she hears me at night
Talking about the ones I love
Now that she is above 
And that she knows what it is to fly
I sometimes reminded of the sky
When I think of how freedom sounds
And I know they are always around
And I think I have found
Solid ground so that another round
Of cycles won’t pull me in
And I was just in love with him
Now it’s wearing off as I see
Everything as divinity
Everything clothed by the Creator’s hand
It whispers that it’ll all be grand 

He rushes into the wilderness of my soul
I’m bound to him as I’m getting old
Thinking his red could burn a patch 
Of straw in my roof of thatch
And I just want him to know
I haven’t stopped thinking about him, so
Here goes nothing into the void
You are more than one of the boys
As you entertain
With a love you throw out in vain
But I catch it in my warm hands
And I don’t know about those plans
But I’d still be with you
As the wife you want to
Hold and get with child
Can you love me and leave me wild
Coz I spill the beans
On the collective love of both our dreams 
As we pass like ships in the night
Equipped with a fire to ignite

Photo by Khara Woods on Unsplash.com

https://spotify.link/lTfW3js0fDb

I know you fled from the wolves
And I love the way destiny pulls 
Til it leaves me in a female body
With no man to pick the shoddy
Drunken frame from the ground
You were the music before I heard the sound
But somehow it reached me from afar
I drive around in my car
Wondering where I lost my home
And you are somewhere all alone
With your wife and kid
I saw their reflections so I hid
In the long grass to stare
Because the one I love is there 

The gaslight anthem 
He burns me down 
Acting just like 
He owns this town 
To invalidate 
And put me in an altered state
Where no one believes
Anything that she conceives
Of
And love
Goes by the wayside
But I abide
In the constant pose
Of being the one the Lord chose
To do works by his hand 
And I am grand 
Just spinning notes
Based on the heroes that she quotes 
As forbearers of the light
I think humanity might be alright
In spite
Of the evidence to the contrary
And the tooth fairy
Can’t buy me back
Because I lack
That particular function
And at the junction
I take a hard right
Zen it up, alright 

Were we supposed to find this
Among all the blood, sweat and tears
The things we’ve fought through
After all these years 
And you’re somewhere unknown to me
But somehow I still see
With my heart instead of eyes this time
You’re the reason I thought to rhyme 
Among all the confusion
They say it’s my delusion 
But you’re there like a holy drop of water
And I can’t forget the truth that has caught her
In the soul
As the waves roll 
To the beat of who you are
And I wish upon the star
That we all lie under
The perfect thunder
To shake the ground 
You had me at hello and love abound 
And without a sound 
I take your hand 
Though it wrinkles and the sand
Slips through the hourglass
What is it that last
In you and I
This love will never die

It’s as if her disgust 
Could curdle milk
As my voice
Soft as silk 
Tries to explain
Why it is always 
Acid rain
In these parts
And in my heart of hearts 
I know I won’t be free
Til she has released 
Her control of me
Like broken fingers
And mud slingers
Trying to explain the dawn
She’s obsessed with a world 
Where I am gone 
And I feel every minutiae
Of time spent wrong
How my song
Became mangled and bruised 
I’m just a girl that destiny used
To do its works
But, my God, it hurts 
Like a bitch
And you say I’m the witch? 

He caused me inescapable pain
It was like the Heavens opened and let out the rain
And I’m thrashing in this field of grass
Trying to find something that will last
And he just laughs
And sashays
I’m over his games 
And his power plays
As he tries to pin me down
To a point
But I’ve got heart
So go roll your joint
To make up for whatever you can never reach
And I’m not here to whine and beseech
But stand up to you
In your confident glare
I know how it was 
Because I was there
And I felt every moment
And read all the signs
But I wouldn’t do it again
Not for diamond mines
Outside of the forest 
Where we used to live
You ask for my love
But I’ve got to forgive
You for your weary rap at my door
I couldn’t have cared less any more
As you tell me your secrets
And share your light
But it’s long past gone
And it’s not alright 
And you’re choosy but honest
As you sing the blues
I’m level headed and laid back 
And walk my own shoes
But I take them off
Before I enter the temple
Bow my head, so reverential 
And you take off your cap
And hold it in your hands
I’ll not acquiesce to your demands
But bloom within a summer song
Though it’s been winter all along
And the years of young are wearing thin
Pining over what could have been
But what is is all that exists
And I see the sky clear 
Through the mists
The one and all 
The few, the many
If you’re looking for hatred
There isn’t any
Only a garden
Behind a wall
I thought that I knew
But I didn’t at all