Gleaming Diamond

Do I really want you to come a little closer
You’re just like a ghost
With the flavors of nothing
And what I love the most
I see you shy away and I avoid
Being one of the girls
You’re not one of the boys
But you dance
Like Heaven has given you another chance
To be all you are
The wonderful bridge
Constellatory star
That just shines
Like gleaming diamonds in gold mines
I pick one up
But it just reflects the look of you, love
And we’re one again
Outside the realm of women and men
Just to be what is
He holds my hand and I am his
To recalculate
All that has me in a lowly state
Where do I walk
And is all my effulgence just mere talk
Do I live up to
The brigand that I saw in you
As you caught my hand
I catch my breath as you reprimand
Me for my trauma of being too much
I back away but I also clutch
You to me
Can you love the whole sea
When it’s not yours or mine
I felt crushed watching About Time
And I could feel a lion roar
Deep within me
Death the moment life begins me
As I sit up off the floor
What was that and what’s more
Who am I
How am I not to die
When this body walks I seem to move
But it’s just patterning on the groove
Of the effervescent
I hate to be described as pleasant
Coz it’s so lukewarm
And I am nothing if not a storm
Brewing over the hill
Do you know the moment if you’re not still?

Two Dogs Snarling

We became like two dogs snarling
In the days I called you darling
And you spit your words out at me
I let you go free
Like we’re aching from our history
You and the mystery
As ages pass us by
And we love but we don’t know why
And we fight and we try
But we can’t forgive the lie
And you smile but it’s faint and half hearted
And I just remember when we started
And how it is so different now
I still see you through the wind somehow

Life In Eden

What if we’re living in Paradise
The green fields of our life
And he is tormented by the loss of Eden
And I was ardent in my believing
Til I met the moment in a night
And something did ignite
Burned like a fuse towards dynamite
Spinning ever closer to its own execution
I could tell the truth but it’d be a dilution
Of what I mean to say
I’d rather just point the way
And have you follow where I go
But my steps shake as I move slow
Across the ground of the room
There is so much more than doom
In the space that we share
There is true love and care
I feel I must speak up to say
It’s more than a myth and okay
I get that you have your own perspective
But my view is true and objective
Like a glass with no lens
You only see through it when you don’t defend
Yourself from what you mean to be
You just open up for free
And find it echo in your bones
Away from the beat of earphones
And all the noise that fills the day
It’s not a game or a power play
But something that must be known
I pull the curtains back and it’s shown

Idealism

Idealism has me loving him
Through the wings of a new song
And I’ve only felt
Sparsely that I belong
In and out between the fear
Catching hold of what I hold dear
In the hopes that it won’t leave
And it’s little that I don’t believe
Coz it all pulses in my throat
And are we post rote
Learning now
I sit upon the bough
Of a leaning tree
To watch the sunset fade in front of me
And think it’s much like a life
That doesn’t get to happen twice
Unless you’re into that sort of thing
A reincarnation into the skin that swim
In the great ocean
And I’ve always been emotion
Trying to calm down
But I walk on solid ground
As my heart beats in my chest
Trust in God and leave the rest

Sweetness

I just wanted to know if you left me a message
It’s nothing insincere
But I’ve been tripping the wire
Of in love with you, dear
And I know it’s a fallacy
And I know there’s nothing wrong
It’s just you gave me that rush
Like you thought I was strong
And I’m smiling to myself
As I’m sitting on the couch
Threw normal out the window
Of sanity to vouch
For me in the days
When the water is less clear
I had a dream of you
When your words made you seem near
But anyway and anyhow
I’ve got to let it go
I just wanted to uncover
These reams and reams of snow
So you’d know that in the winter
The sun burns just as true
You said that you liked me
Well, hey man, back at you!

Momentarily

I know it’s unfair to exclaim
That you save me from all the pain
That I brought to bear on myself
Now I’m searching for the answer in someone else
And you never had anything to do
With what I faced without you
Coz I made that choice all on my own
And I’ve never felt alone
Coz I’ve always had support
And a steady kind of rapport
With everyone I seem to meet
I’m fire so the heat
Is to be expected
Don’t take my manners for being disrespected
I’m only playing a xylophone on you
And I want you to sing along to
The refrain we effortlessly make
I do it for the both of our sake

The Non Spectacular Nature Of Now

The non spectacular nature of Now 
Is something that makes me weak somehow
As I stare at the trees
They remind me to get up off my knees
And stand in the shine that is the sun
Like God is calling and I am the one
Who must walk the path of being still
And many things change, this never will
As the ochre of sunsets burn in your eyes
And there is a love that never dies
I found it on the green of the room
Across from the front hall and I attune
To the sound of Heaven’s bells
As they call out to me amid ne’er do wells
And I’m walking down paces on the avenues
I’m all red as they play the blues
In summertime or winter cold
I’m frozen at the age of not getting old

Walk As You

Everyone is in various states of disarray 
They check at the till to see what they’ve to pay
And they click on their phone so they’ll be liked
I’ll always be worried that I’ll ignite
Coz I’m so clearly made of flame
One day they’ll all know my name
And not for the wrong reasons
The time is changing, passing seasons
The leaves fall off the trees
You discard what they believe
Coz it doesn’t fit the shoe
You’ve come to walk as you

Down Into The Midnight

I feel myself sinking down into the midnight 
The absence of perfume, the absence of light
The dawn of knowing what you cannot say
The reluctant acceptance of what cannot stay
And I know in the storm there is a break of day
And when you trust in God it’ll all be okay
But sometimes the ocean is just too deep
And I try to catch a few moments of sleep
Before I awaken with a start
Like everything good it comes from the heart

That Particles Are Things

You’re burning up the atmosphere
Like the ozone layer is clear
And fuck that bullshit, I spin the dial
And listen to you sincere
Coz the guy beside me loves me
And I love him too
But the worst of the weather
Means it is not you
And closing my eyes is all I can do
So that I won’t know
The places where I should not go
Though they call to me
An elephant graveyard or Eternity
Could you please give me a clue
You laugh and say the answer too!

Paper Trails

Leaving a paper trail of tears behind me
I’m overwrought so never mind me
As I build a new monument to all that’s fallen
I’m in the Deep South and they are drawling
As they curb all anticipation
Can I watch your tv station
Just for a little while
I made you see, you made me smile
And all I can think of is torment
The indigenous people and where they went
Forced across rock and stone
Broken in their skin and bone
But with their Spirit true
I can still have faith in You
As all comes crashing like a wave
Is it sin to abdicate to save
And hold a hand
Is the shore more than sand
And if a rock is hewn to bits
Do you have space to sit with it
Or does its impermanent tone
Remind you what it’s like to be alone
Moving weight like old stone
I’d hold back but I’ve already shown
All of my stars to you
I’ll love you if you want me to

Sister Soul

Ijust wanna protect her
And I’m so mad that he’d reject her
And ruin her starlit shine
It’s kind of like the light that used to be mine
And now she sings of a defeat, years ago
I close my eyes because I should not know
But I do
I still feel you
In the cobwebs of my mind
Kind of like a secret I’ve left behind
And we tangled up our avenues
I sing of heaven without you
And innocence lost
She paid the price but at what cost

A New Realm

There’s an angel on the cross
He’s been resurrected and all is not lost
As he comes for me
To lift me with his wings so free
Up and out of this situation
Away from town and my education
Into a new sphere, a new realm
One where God is at the helm
Of the ship we all steer
What’s left to say when the Holy Ghost is near















Brotherhood Romance

Nothing fits it’s shape any more
When you’re knocking on a closed door
Only to see it opens from the inside
All this time you’ve been alive
And never really known it
Like your true colours, never really shown it
Til the dye is running through
I got messed up in a dream of you
One without an adequate ending
And I quit the scene instead of unfriending
You where you stood out there
Didn’t want you to think I didn’t care
But I’ve got to run
Coz I love the sun
And how it turns my skin brown
I never lived for the town
But for the acres, fields of grass
Lying in the Everlast
Til the cows come home
I realise I’m not alone

Fleeting

That fast feeling of fading when you’re twenty two
And everything is growing up around you
The flowers to rise, then wither and die
The sheets of sleet that just make you cry
As you’re facing outward into the rain
Must we go through this all over again
As the avenues merge into one route
And you take a shot at the kissing booth
But it’s all just so fleeting in transition
Like you’ve woken up out of a worn condition
And into the sky that always serene
To anchor in what you’ve always been

Of Words And Trees

Afraid of my own words
It’s like a tree being afraid of the birds
Never mind, it’s true
I can’t hide any of this from you
As I take pencil to page
To rattle the walls of every cage
To let the dark out
The demons can’t hurt you if you shout
And call the sky into being
It is the waves that I am freeing
To know their ocean nature
Like the moon so in tune with every crater
I smile at the good of it all
Cause I found solid ground in the freefall

Losing The Love Of My Life

Losing the love of my life
I always wanted to be his wife
And I’m unscripted, I’m undue
And I’m running from anything but you
Coz you’ve got lashes, you’ve got hair
You’ve got Presence amid the being there
And I smile and I laugh
And you catch another raft
As it shoots out into the world
You’ve got a life, you’ve got a girl
And I would never want to interfere
It’s just I love you always, dear
In the moments come unbidden
Amid all that remains hidden
In butterflies and in cymbal clash
The rain comes to pour on me and lash
Out down from the heavens
I’m kicking stones hooked up to sevens
As a day each week that passes
Could be enough to outclass us
And I know you’ve got your sonnet ring
It’s just you don’t know everything
Not half as much as you profess to contain
Must I hear you again explain
All I am in neat little quotes
Must I be student to take notes
And hear once more what you say
It’s all in the going away
But what if I choose to remain
A dash of paint to upskill the rain
As it colours the window grey
But we live in Ireland so come what may
In brutal asides and centerfolds
The path we walk is made of gold
And must we unknow the way
To mean what the people say
In amounts that fall due
And I’m so taken with the fire of you
As you tip your hat to another trope
And I’m just driving by the coast
With the sound of sea in my ears
I brush away the errant tears
That make lanes from my eyes
To mirror that of rainy skies
In all that I profess is true
It’s pure in love and it’s with you

Digits and Prose

He’s got my number 
And I’ve got his address
And we both have something
To confess
As we laugh and we smile
And walk down the road
The rain is pummeling
But it hasn’t showed
As his beauty consume
And I’m seeing stars
Do you think this is what it means
To be chasing cars
Coz he’s steady as a rock
And we’ll never be what we’re not
In the notes he takes
I see the page and I hit the brakes
Coz I can’t take this ride with you
You saw inside and I don’t mean to
Be flakey but I’ve got to run
Because I still love someone


Photo Credit: Yannick Pulver on Unsplash.com

Narrow Arms

I’ve got narrow arms
I’ve always been thin
And I’m so short
Beside him
But he makes me feel
Ten stories high
And I’ll love him
Til the day I die
Or longer and further
If I may
But I want him
To know, okay
Letting go
Of the years I hid
Always holding out
For the highest bid
But something in
The way he smiled
Had me walking
All these miles
Back to the place
I started
The moment when
Faith imparted
Us with just
A moment to spare
And I can tell
When you’re not there
And when you are
Like a cosmic star
Does she realise
Just how far
This love will go
It’s forever
I hope you know
It threads the needle
So very fine
And is a step
Out of time
Into what
You can only call
The root
Of it all
Grown in ground
Like steady soil
So, let go
Of all your toil
And rest back into
The arms of Heaven
As secure as
The number eleven

Careful Anonymity

Careful anonymity is the name of the game
As I breathe through it like it’s all the same
And I protect what I see
But it draws upon eternity
To here and there and let the surge
As I feel the moment when I merge
With all that is or could be
You look at me, do you see I’m free
And yet held back by errant chains
That fall from the sky like rains
Everywhere to conspire
Lift up what must take you higher
Then soar into your own soul
Deeper than the waves that roll
Back where it is completely still
Beyond the realm of hate and will
But thundered prose knows the beat
And it walks itself with my two feet
To suddenly surprise the day
I’m fine, you know, is that okay?

Pictures Of You

I just remember his eyes
I don’t know whether they’re green or blue
Except for that picture of you
That I saw on a screen miles away
Now you’re where I was that day
Somewhere in a big, big city
But lonely and that’s a pity
Coz we could be something, don’t you agree
But you only talk to a picture of me
And I ain’t making war
Coz, God knows, what for
And I don’t hate what you had to do
That you have someone walking with you
And it’ll never be what we were
But maybe it’s better and you stir
To match the moment of her
And she looks like she catches your glance
I bet she never asks you to dance
Coz you move like you’re in a trance
And I would take another chance
Out on the wind
Is it to have sinned
To want what isn’t yours to crave
A desire I try hard to save
From getting to the heart of me
And we’re apart but you see
I’ve got you buttoned on my shirt
It was never meant to hurt
But I can hear it in your voice
Do we have another choice?
The full force of the machine hit me across the skull
And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool
As I try to find the deep reverb
To silence noise with a word

Innocent Men

Looking into the eyes
Of innocent men
Could you spell that
For me again
It reframes
My female pain
As not something
I’d wanna go through again
And I know it’s justified
It’s just that I might’ve lied
When I said it’s all your fault
And I locked you in a vault
But then I see once more
The light of consciousness I adore
Shining forth from the heart of you
And it’s all that I can do
To open heart and surrender
Forget something I tried to remember
For so long and with so much strive
I’m just glad you’re alive
And we can call this mission one
My God, you shine just like the sun

Steady Easy

Life doesn't go steady easy
It plots and twists and turns 
The fire is really nothing 
Until there's something that it burns

Fire To My Soul

You set fire to my soul
In the thunder as the waves roll
And I cannot forgive
The way things as it is
But something keeps a hold of my dress
The hem of it and I confess
That my marauding spirit has grown tired
As though the universe has conspired
To leave me at the door of you
And I will prove it to be true
That my heart beats a flame
And I don’t have to be tame
Or sit within the confines of
What I’ve been told to think of love
That you could star in my sky
I let it go and I don’t know why

Love’s Everywhere

I need to write in Morse code
Coz to tell our story would be an ode
And we’ve got leaves of times gone by
And you always promised me sky high
As I take your hand and we lift and soar
Into a future I can’t see anymore
Coz you’re ancient, you’re beautiful, you are all the trees
And an Angel of Mercy picked me up off my knees
So I could stand as the wind goes round
It spirals but I’m solid ground
And I dunno about ages, I dunno about time
But somewhere you will always be mine
In a storybook or on a page
I seem to write like a sage
In professions of what’s true
The slipping sands of me and you
Coz we are born to fade away
A moment of sun before the day
Closes into night like a cyclical thing
And every bird knows how to sing
The silence like it’s true and real
I thought you should know how I feel
So I put it in a letter, left it at your door
But I won’t bother you anymore
And you know where I am if you feel to reply
I’m always in the same space to fly
On the beauty that I own
Love’s everywhere, I’m not alone

Unfathomably Deep

There was that time
I tried to drink you out
But my foundations were not shaken
And I couldn’t even doubt
That you were the one for me
Now I don’t know how you are
But I feel you cosmically
A white hot burning star
Somewhere in the avenues
Or in the everglades
I don’t mean to be funny
But where’d you get your shades
Coz you’re looking mighty fine
With your cool as hell stare
And I can’t apologize
For what just wasn’t there
Only promise you that I
Love with the full of my soul
And when the waves cascade
It’s then I hear them roll
Calling out your name
Like an old riverbend
Was I wrong or right
For ever having clicked send
And I just can’t bring myself
To take back the day
When the moment faced my soul
And I said okay
Give in to all the longing
All the heated prose
If you’re looking for some words
Do you know just who you chose
Someone who could compose
Sonnets of your name
And if you’re wondering if I’ve changed
Well I’m still the same
Still am party to
A little bit of wine
And everytime I’m asked
I’ll say that I am fine
Coz I don’t want to torch
This wooden fence I’ve grown
From the rubble of the woods
That once were seeds I’d sown
Now they’re all a garden gate
And the forest that you see
Is uncharted and unknown
A pure mystery
So please do not go rambling
If you do not mean to stay
I’m made for forever
I’m just built that way
And can never give in
To the stride of the day
Don’t worry ‘bout the love
It’s just the modern way
And I’m ancient and I’m grieving
And I’m all over the place
But I am strong and I’m willful
You don’t have to second guess my face
In the brooks and in the rivers
That are running wild
And there are some parts of me
That are still a child
Innocent and foolhardy
And so like a stone
Except for quiet company
I live my life alone
Far away from the auspices
Of who you’d think to ask
When I take a sip
I drink it from a flask
And keep up with all the weather
As it’s changing every hour
I’m always sitting waiting
For that one thousand petalled flower
In the deep of time and weight
Slowly to succumb
I look at all the rocks
Amid the diamonds I’ve become
And wonder what a season
Would take in these parts
I never knew it till I answered
With the full of my heart

Judgement

I blame the doctors for their prejudicial minds
And it’s my own pride I seem to find
As I stigmatize the fear of being unwell
With all the secrets I do not tell
As the brave stand up to say
There are days I’m not okay
And I find that I admire
The way he stokes my roaring fire
With his honesty and his sincere
And I’m always gonna hold him dear
Like a soul brother out there somewhere
But touch the cracks I do not dare
Coz they are all sealed with gold
And stories that have never been told
As I see the sunrise
It’s like the dawn of morning in your eyes
As you open a new day
I love you babe, I hope that’s okay

The Last Train

Loving you is like waiting on the last train
It’s like standing out in the pouring rain
I’m jealous of the drops of water that fall on your head
I’m jealous of the blankets that cover you in bed
And I’m always so well defined
And you’re always away but I don’t mind
And though the paper is written in ink
Of all of the things I shouldn’t think
But just sway to the breeze
And you stay only to leave
But I don’t mind welcoming you back
It’s not like you take something I lack
And everything is in boxes that they stack
And if you look I’ll pick up the slack
And rush to the shore
As you say you don’t want me anymore
And I just remember the festival
And the way I let it go to hell
Fighting to be my own dear self
I can’t share this with anyone else
And then I met you, you just turned to me
It’s like the waters parted and I could see
Like you held eternity
In a single glance, what are we?
And you smiled, just so, down into my eyes
It’s like you saw right through the disguise
And now it’s like I walk on one foot
And you said no like the sharpest cut
As I hold out strong in the weather
And I’m just dreaming of you in the heather
And how far you are away
The bridge is broken so we cannot stay
Like Sora and Kairi or the Marching Bands
The waves come to kiss the lands
But keep us at the distance we know
I hope you are well and that your clock runs slow
So that you have many years in reserve
And it’s always the greatest that you serve
While I watch and just observe
The moment you see that I’ve got nerve!


Photo by Balazs Busznyak on Unsplash.com

Sanity’s Glass

I love whiskey
In a Baileys glass
Do you like to drink?
Do you have to ask?
Because it makes me feel
More like myself
Every now and then
It’s good for my mental health
And I don’t get locked
But I do like to dance
Around in my pj’s
Like a second chance
Like there’s nobody watching
Coz nobody is
Unless you count the Lord
But I’m already his
And I smile at the sunshine
In the dark of night
Coz there’s something within me
That’s a lot like the light
They describe in tomes
And I shake it off
The rhythm of the alones
That sometimes subsides
But other times I believe
That heart is just something
I keep on my sleeve
And if nothing is everything
Why do you grieve
I walk the path
But where does it lead
Coz the road has been trodden
By many a soul
But can you still love
When the story’s been told?

The Spark In Stephen’s Eyes

No one could deny 
The spark in Stephen’s eyes
As he talks to me he folds
Time into days of old
And he laughs, suddenly and unexpected
I hope he didn’t feel rejected
When I bowed out, when I skipped town
He has to know I love him around
And I just couldn’t fine the words to say
When I was in that place I had to stay
That his effervescence shone like stars
And you could trawl the neatest bars
Looking for a smile like that
I have to say I took off my hat
To your ardently and devoted
I open hearted and emoted
And you didn’t faze or fade away
You just let me know what it is to stay
In the light of your heavenly sun
And you may not be the one
But you’re the one who shared some time with me
I wrote this down so you might see

Isn’t That The Way

I hate the pain
Isn’t that what they say
But I couldn’t have had it
Any other way
And you kick your shoes
Up in the dirt
I never knew love
Could make you hurt
But I hold you fast
And pray that this moment last
But it was never enough
To quench my thirst
I’m a fire burning embers
As we argue across the genders
That seem to have accumulated between us
I dunno, do you think God dreamed us
Up into a sort of creation
It’s more than winter by the station
It is summer kissing booths
Reliving the passion of our youth
But I’m all but done with photo albums
I feel the pound of beating drums
Calling me back to your door
And I fainted on the floor
Yes, right out of my standing
To the dreams that they are handing
Out like they’re truth
And you just take aim and shoot
Your bullet at my heart
Your aim is good, I feel the dart
Strike me sharp and true
Am I marked with the brand of you
Or am I forever effervescent
Meeting you in essence
I let the fire go
But I still burn with it, you know


Photo by Freddy Kearney on Unsplash.com

Present Moment Movements

I’ve no interest in travel
But I’d move Heaven and Earth for you
I’d span the oceans near and wide
Just so we could be close to
The great divide that keeps us apart
The diamond in your soul
And you may have grown, but I woulda known
If your waves suddenly started to roll
If the tide had started to beat
A steady rap on my door
I gaze into distances far and away
Always hoping for a little bit more
And you were young and beautiful
Now you’re craggy and grey
You used to love me
Now you drag me each day
As I try to build fortresses
To what was
There’s an army storming gates
At the lakes of because
And who are you when you look in the mirror
Do you dine with a shirt and tie
And could you state or equivocate
What’s become just a really big lie
And dawn comes each morning
To shelter the night
In the ages we part just to ignite
The paper I’ve been setting up
How could you look at me and not call it love

Darkness Tremble

Trusting in the Christ
Was the best decision of my life
And I’m no girl to be a wife
Just one to bring the light
And I’ve always trusted in you
From the living room to the pew
Singing songs in tribute to
The glory and the faith I have in you
And darkness eventually came to call
I’m young and lying against a wall
Crying tears in a free for all
But you brought the love to stop the fall
And lift me up, now I’m on my feet
And I know there’s nothing I could meet
That would bring me defeat
Now that your mercy speak
For me amongst the chasm so bleak
How am I standing if I’m weak
And there’s nothing left to seek
Now that I’ve found that holy heat
That burns in the heart of me
A consciousness that’s been set free
As I proclaim eternity
In every blade of grass that I see
Called upon to be the voice
To speak silence in the noise
And draw all souls into you
Just tell me what to do

Days With Darragh

There were days with Darragh
When my point of view was decidedly narrow
He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend
It has been years though and it doesn’t end
As I still reflect on his heartbeat
When we danced with both our feet
And shine with all our might
I can’t ignore your candlelight
And your fire that just burn
It’s more than degrees we earn
As we spend time into each other’s company
And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me
But he just smiles and looks in my eyes
I let go camouflage I keep to disguise
The darkness in the heart of my soul
But he just surfs the waves that I roll
And then laughs when he sees my car
Buys me a drink at the bar
And makes me smile, makes me laugh
And he does it all without me needing to ask
And I wonder does his fire sign match mine
As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme
And he’s red as a burning flame
I’m surprised he even remembers my name
But his is etched upon my skin
I loved him so I let him in
Let him see the hesitate
And he just pulls me out of that state
And never ever makes me wait
But breaks apart into something new
I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?


Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash.com

Staring At The Stars

Does eternity gaze at you 
When you’re staring at the stars
And do you think you could see their lights
Through your prison bars
Coz we’re all in the gutter
But some of us are looking up
Is it just a mirage
To say that I’m in love
Coz the guy don’t even know me
Or so it would seem
And he’s looking for a girlfriend
Not for a sky high queen
And I can’t figure out what it may mean
My friend says it’s an expression of what I dare to dream
And he’s taken by another so I’ve got to let it go
I say I’m not cold, though I’m standing in the snow
And he was like a stranger that day on the phone
I’d never felt so embarrassed or left all alone
As I told him that I loved him, that I held him dear
And he made the situation all too crystal clear
And I’m just clutching at straws
Because the ice never thaws
I’m just frosting up the glass
And he was just lounging on the grass
As I waited and I wondered
And slightly ran away
Out of fear of what I felt
And of what I might say
Because it’s too good to be true
This couldn’t be real
That I get all I want
And spare cards to deal
And it’s so obvious
He’s what I’m looking for
As I stand outside
Just staring at his door
And there’s light and there’s warmth
But it’s all inside
I’m shivering and I’m shaking
From the window where I hide
Do I finally let this go
Or knock and be seen
I wouldn’t mind the weather
Coz it is just a dream
And there are passers by
Telling me, go home
I didn’t dare to mention
That it’s inside an iPhone
And I dig my hands down deeper
Into the pockets of my coat
I’m taking this too far
And what is worse I know it
So I take one last look
As I head for the trees
To live a life of freedom
Instead of living on my knees
But as I go I hear a shout
That he can’t do without
I turn and I glare
And he’s just standing there
In a dressing gown and slippers
Looking oh so calm
But I can’t run back
To another false alarm
And anyway he’s got company
And I won’t lead astray
Go back to what you made
It’ll be the break of day
And we’re miles apart
In the feet that we span
And I’ll always love you
Though I don’t know if you can
Love me just to leave me
So let me go this time
I would if I could, he says
But you’d still be mine
And I glower and I pout
Though it does me no good
He frowns in return
As I turn back for the wood
Because I can’t do this
Anymore, my love
I don’t have a reason
So look to God above
And you’ll find your answers
It’s everything they say
Maybe I am strong
To leave this and away
But he pulls me with force
The mere magnet strength
And I look for my courage
Coz I don’t know where it went
As I’m grappling with stones
Trying to get a hold
And all of this flipping the switch
Is getting old
And anyway, who is she
And how can I say
That I can’t find adequate
Means to stay away
And she’s silent and staring
Just looking at me
Trying to fight
With his gravity
In the den of the house
That used to be mine
But he threw me out
When I took the time
To really study
And explore
The nature of
A solid floor
So I relent, give in
And feel myself swayed
It’s not for loneliness
That this is okayed
And they both turn around
Leave the door open
A little glance back
But I amn’t coping
And freezing I rise
Up to my feet
As I step on the mat
It’s neighbors they greet
And I see the old furniture
I used to know
Step into the light
And let the pain go
Give up on the solitary
Lone expanse
Though it’s been years
Since we thought to dance
And I see there’s a room
At the end of the hall
With a door open
He says it’s yours and all
And I finally know
Come to realise
That they’re living in what
I built for their lives
And all this time
We’re waiting to see
The masterpiece
Foretold by me
In the din, in the quiet
In the subside
I lay down to rest
And close my eyes
To finally know
A slumber that’s real
He didn’t leave me
He just let me feel
All of his peace
So that I could deal
With the moment as
It’s resting long
And my God
I belong!
And she doesn’t hate me
Coz it is cool
I think I may have
Dreamt this in school
So I rub my eyes
Shake myself out
Get rid of the fear
Lose all the doubt
Find the heart
That heats my soul
All is Love
That’s the story I’m told



Photo by Taneli Lahtinen on Unsplash.com

Candyfloss Dreams

Craving that sugar rush
And you were my favorite crush
And you smile and I see stars
Running and I’m chasing cars
Down the street like a dog and its tail
You know that you’re bound to fail
When you set yourself up like that
And I know I want you back
But you use a poké attack
And I’m left standing on my own
After I left my colours shown
Wondering why with so little a endeavor
At civility, I could never
Understand just why and when
And I’m always hoping to see you again
But I just don’t get men
Coz you shout then you wish I was there
I ask for your love and you say you don’t care
And you’re harsh and unpleasant and drive me away
Did you mean to sabotage my stay?
Or were you just anticipating the leave
I watch you silent and I believe
That there’s more to you
But I just don’t know what to do
As I let your hand go to your side
And I’m okay but I think you have cried
Will you remember this for me
I loved you so I set you free

The Forest and the Memory

Am I just gonna have to let you go
Coz there doesn’t seem to be any way to know
That you are here and you are there
And you know I’ll always care
As the forest closes in on the memory of us
And I dunno where to place my trust
As the ages all fold one into the other
You’re my soulmate, yeah you’re my brother
And I really hope that you’re well
But there doesn’t seem to be any way to tell
Except just to live in the light
And pray to God that you’re alright

The Social Anxiety

The feeling of panic when I’m talking to people
I’m much more at home under a steeple
Praying to God for all that could be
But I’m so far from normal and I think they can see
And is it just ego to say I’m afraid
That I spend the whole day in the shade
Just to avoid what I’m speaking of
I refract diamonds and call it love
And do I just make small what’s colossal inside
Run away from eyes and hide
Until someone finds me behind the curtain
I’m sorry for weakness and all the hurting
I’m sorry for being unusually proud
Defiant and brave as I say it out loud
That it’s okay and I see you too
I want everyone to know it so that they see through
The veneer of strong that I put off
We are one people and all is not lost
And everyone’s got something that they keep secret
But I’m gonna tell it instead of keep it
Like a story that’s been too long in the dark
A tree whose leaves are as bright as its bark
Even in the winter snow
I love a lot so I let it all go


Photo by Bernardo Artus on Unsplash.com

Abidance

I feel like I’m out of the loop
Now that I’m no longer sitting on the stoop
Like a lonesome bird
And what are the words that you think you have heard
Coz it all spiraled out of my control
When I tried to capture your soul
And you rebelled with a defiant stance
How dare I ask you to dance
But there was just this music, you mustn’t hear it
It’s beautiful and it crystal clears it
As the vision is foggy in the car
I still have no sense of what you are
Coz you defy definition in your design
And you are good looking, if you don’t mind
And I just want to write a tome to your earth
The reality that could never hurt
As you assuage
And I get really mad
But it’s no good
You still leave like I thought you would
But what I don’t understand
Is how any of this could’ve been preplanned
Or destiny
I watch you like you’re there for me
Though you move to the side
I stay on my own and abide

Syllables

She writes music that catches in your soul
As if all the waves have to do is roll
And midnight comes before each dawn
So don’t lament what’s gone
Because it will come around again anew
You can’t miss what is destined for you
And I hope that’s true coz he’s all I see
What if he was never meant for me
I wonder and I pause and I flip through the prose
What if he is the one that fate chose
To hold my hand and be the One
I see him like he’s the Son
Of God in garden grass
And I wonder if all I had to do was ask
Would you maybe wanna be my guy
I know I’m quiet and I didn’t try
But do you think you could take a look
And read me like your favorite book
And it’s fine if you don’t know my name
I’m gonna love you all the same
And wish you the wealth of wisdom and heart
I never thought we’d be so long apart

Awesome

Cheers to you Stephen O’ Brien
You made the days feel like they were flying
When I was stuck in a peculiar hell
And you were the one that I’d tell
Now I’m raising a glass to your sincere
Your beautiful and held dear
With your rugged ways and your intone
We’re just talking on a video phone
And I catch myself then laugh out loud
You are something to be proud
Of now the days are short
You’re something yourself I retort
As we’re held in this glance for a moment or two
There’s just something about you
I wonder if space and time
Would ever repaint your days as mine
And I know you could call this therapy
But you’ve got to know what you mean to me
As I throw asunder all the folds
And creases to be brave and bold
You can’t believe this is all I am
There’s more to me and I know you can
See beyond the apparent face
To the depths of profound Grace
To the love that’s held between us both
I’d wear you like an overcoat
As you just laugh and crease your eyes
And I’ve got no time for goodbyes
Just the moment that’s held in a stare
I love you coz you were there
And made me feel like I was home
Instead of in a room all alone
I gotta know, you gotta see
What would the days be like if we
We’re to make this something else
I know I’m getting ahead of myself
But you’re magnificent and perfectly prose
And I’d walk down any of your roads
If it meant that I could catch your eye
You’re alright, man, it’s worth a try

Questions For God

I trudged through the snow
I am miserable or don’t you know
No reply
Why on earth does everyone die
My feet crunch the ground
I savor the essence of unreciprocated sound
I mumble aloud
And relish the silence away from the crowd
And grumble two tone
Why do you always leave me alone?
It’s always like this
Together for a moment and then you just miss
All the ways you felt complete
The gravel groans beneath my feet
As I haul the bin up the hill
If only love was an effort of will
I could turn this around
But emptiness is the only sound
And I cherish the day
He looked in my eye and then looked away
It’s in a video reel
And for years anger is all that I feel
How dare you take him away
There’s no point reaffirming that he cannot stay
But the eyes are all empty as I look for a reason
A kind of vacancy that is all out of season
Perhaps my misery
Will prove how much he meant to me
But the anguish just twists
And I merely coexist
With the essence of death
Counting each in and out of my breath
Or heartbeat
It’s iambic pentameter against my feet
Anyway
I don’t believe in what they say
They’re all crying
And then proclaim Heaven is for the dying

Flashback, it’s been twenty years
So I question my thoughts and dry my tears
To the age of youth
And the darkness of day the sun didn’t suit
But I found him there, among the ashes and the rubble
He looked at me and burst my little bubble
And I give thanks to what once I hate
The God of Love to make me irate
By stealing all I could call my own
I’m lying in bed and praying for home
But it never comes
Oh, the trauma of being young
I’m undone
And somehow I feel this song has been sung
By someone
Years before I begun
It’s getting old
Like the body I hold
And the days are all long
Then suddenly short
And all of the principles that I exhort
Prove to be vain
And I stand outside in the pouring rain
To catch the air
Do you believe in the power of prayer
To let go into
Can I be
Something more
Than destiny
Because this body I wear
Is all athletic and long brown hair
Do you resonate
With what is only a temporary state
We’re all on the move
From the moment of spark to the point that I prove
What have you got to lose
Only the worldview you live to excuse
What don’t you settle here
Under a tree as it breathes you clear

I snap out of it
Is to give in the same as to quit
And I’m going with it
A sort of defiance I never admit
But the beer bottle’s empty and I’m reaching for wine
I am the queen of a helluva time
But really it’s empty coz I cannot decide
Which stop is my own if this life is a ride
I breathe in the air
And think of the way he suddenly stare
A moment out of time
Like immortal just stepped out of line
And my gumption and war
I don’t know what this is for
As I twirl his name
On my fingernails like it’s just the same
As yesterday
He pierced the veil then went away
And I love him so
But goodbyes around every corner, you know
And I wish and hope
He’s found someone real, something cool, something dope
But anyway
Returning to that which I cannot say
It hit me like light
And set a fire to ignite
And I’m all the trees
The wood of could you ever believes
And I see his face
A recognition no time could erase
To be angry at God
Give him back to me again, oh Lord
But it doesn’t work that way
Apparently and what I say
Falls on deaf ears
And is it just temper to coax the tears
Until I can’t stop them and they pour as rain
I’m awake in the night all over again
To be left behind
Is to spend some time trapped in your mind

But He woke me up
And He called that love
Though I can’t express
What I’m thinking of
Caught in a decider
So perfectly fate
And the present moment
Means you don’t wait
But I’m always counting time
On the watch, on the clock that isn’t mine
Do you think it could be
That we all live eternally
In some dimension
In a realm of time that by extension
Means we don’t have to suffer
And I’m always thinking of her
And what I’ve lost
I sob til the tears exhaust
My futile will
It’s everything that must fill
The pail of water to the brim
I remember when it was the two of them
Under the sun
By the gate
They wouldn’t approve
Of me in this state
But how am I
To know the reason that they die
If I don’t weep
It’s kind of like some bargain I keep
But it’s letting me go
The pain and the suffering you know
And pay testament to
The Heavenly I found in you
And remember quiet
That I don’t have to try to defy it
Only surrender
Maybe love is what I engender

Read Receipts

Your smile sparkles diamonds
Against the windowpane
And I wonder has all my
Searching been in vain
As I catch each apple 
That falls from the tree
Pondering the ways 
Of gravity
It's Newton's Laws
But bending space time
Like the equations
Of Einstein
And I move like the ocean 
And you just soar
Like a meteor shower
To adore
As you come in waves
To lap the shore
I hope you know
That I wanted more
But settle for less
Or just what I have
The moment is now
And all the feeling bad
Has left with a glance
At your heavenly face
You're not a dream
I have to chase
But follow round
To its conclusion
And you were there
In my confusion 
As I sense a space
In between the lines
And you are like forests
But ten thousand times
You're like the beauty
I don't get to touch 
I hope you know
I love you so much 

Separate Spheres

There are a hundred love stories
Waiting to be told
And the ways are ancient 
And the waves be bold
Cause the fire ignite
In ancient hue
And I am 
Still dreaming of you 
Though it has been eons
And millions of years
As we spell them out
In separate spheres

Adversity

The suffering can either harden you 
Or make you warm 
That is my take
On the storm 
Of breeze as it's blowing through
What is at the heart of you? 
Do leaves rustle through the grass
When you don't get what you ask 
But offer up to the sky 
That you don't know the reason why 
And find the answer in the pause
There is no effect to cause

A Helpful Observer

Will you marry me?
Is the love you give free?
Oh, the two of you!
What in the world am I going to do? 
She shines like a diamond, new and serene
He looks like he's been plucked out of somebody's dream 
And they both  run around with their heads in the sky
The Heavens only know the reason why

She's always been there for me, she's a friend
He's bequeathed with a beauty I can't comprehend
And she is a star of her own making 
I breathe every breath to match the one she's taking 
He owns every pavement he's sure to walk
She worries what I say is all talk
And we both are two branches that meet in the middle
The answer is found in the midst of the riddle 

But there from the cheap seats the two of us dance
It seems like fate gives us every chance
To be the pair from on high 
See you later is not goodbye
But he is mercurial and hard to predict
She's a free spirit and will not commit
Unless it's been divinely ordained 
But one look at her face and you'll see it is pained

By all of her half hearted sashay away 
He'll be the one to save the day
If I could only catch a glimpse of his eyes and his lashes
I'd know the truth before the plate smashes 
How can I measure the clock 
With all that I've been and all that I'm not
Is success all you're after? 
I never had you but for the laughter

And he's so irritating, he infuriates!
But would you go on a sequence of dates
With him if he asked you to 
Does he have your approval too? 
And she smiles and nods and then rolls her eyes
And he is the stormy in all my skies
Could I be there hero in his
There's no way of knowing exactly what this is

But I wait at the break of every wave 
To see if I could be the one who he gave
His heart and his hand unto
I know I'm a dreamer but I want to 
Let you know in serious regard 
I cherish you throughout the time in the yard
And run into your arms whenever they open
Though it's been a decade or more I am hoping 

That you'll forget the passage of time 
And give in to accept the love that is mine
And is it all just something I dreamed in my mind
Will you forgive me for what I left behind
He stares at me with eyes of depth
And I know I'll never forget
The feel of their stare on me 
Could I love our liberty? 

If it means you're miles away
With someone else to star your day 
Or maybe not or maybe true 
I've stopped running after you
But still I feel the emptiness inside 
And I know I cannot hide
It for very much longer
Do you wish that I was stronger? 

Or weaker if resolve is will? 
I don't think I have the skill
To keep it from you anymore
I'm on the other side of the door
In anticipation of the knock 
To enunciate what I am not 
And what I am I'll never know
I just want to say I love you so 

Along Came Stephen

It was years
Since I stopped believing
I opened the door
And along came Stephen 
He reminded me 
With his casual eyes
That even a stranger
Can see through disguise
And all of the advances 
I couldn't stop making 
Were held in suspense
With the breath I was taking 
And it was ancient
Yes it was old
But this was a story
That's never been told
That's always been waiting
In the wings
I know it's a bird
Because, my Lord, it sings
And reverberates
Without any doubt
Can I trust the words
That pour from my mouth
And herald a new dawn 
One that's bursting forth
And the river is free
Though it runs its course
And brings it back 
To rain in the sky 
I wonder do you
Know it's a lie
When I look away 
From your brief glance
It was heaven
It was happenstance
It was a moment
And it was soul 
He blinked his eyes
And the waves roll 

Lenses

Do I set diagrams spiraling out into the wind
And is to be alive to say I have sinned
Coz there's all of this perfect I won't get to be 
I'm just clearing my eyes so I can really see
And what does the lens do to the light
It focuses it on the retina, right? 
Then the brain turns the picture the right way round
Like the way it interprets sound
And do you ever wonder about the mystery we are
How the atoms inside us are the same as a star
And we have galaxies within our soul 
It's only the body that's getting old

Stairwell

All my life I've been standing on the stairs
No putting on graces, I'm not putting on airs
I'm not trying to be better than I've become
I'm just opening up and letting the One
Move through me like a river to sea
I don't know where I'm going or what I'll be
All I know is I feel the pull
And the longing start to dull
As it unfolds unto a new expanse
I watch the whole world start to dance
To the music of a perfect refrain
It's being lifted out of the pain
It is being called at the edge of the circle
On the rock we call Earth as it begins to hurtle
Through the density of time-space
And you can see through the dreams that you chase
As you find yourself back in the same old place
Believe and relive the burden you face