Am I wearing Malas to the Supreme Waking up Though I'm still in a dream And is it Grace All of the falling apart I can't deny That I've got heart And are my assumptions To the contrary unfounded Was it through open fields I bounded And I can feel it lift Here or there The tumbling structures That I wear And do we build God Or is he real And is realisation More than just what I feel
I hide in the darkness so no one will see
The depth of the light that lives on in me
The strength of the power to there reside
Is a secret I keep, is something I hide
For it is my power that scares me the most
The beauty of that holy ghost
The spirit of light to here divise
That all of us move and each one will rise
I guess I just got caught in a monumental fire
One that burns me up and never seems to tire
Of eroding me right down to my core
I look to you for help and you tell me I need more
And I guess that you were scared of what I had to offer
Cause it threatened all you had and you needed something softer
But sorry I am made of magnetic steel
And there is no tempering how I feel
Like an ocean, like the sea, like an iceberg standing lone
I always seem to be missing my quintessential home
And I just thought you had it cause when I fell into your arms
You quieted my thoughts and silenced my alarms
And I felt a strange sort of peace descend on my soul
Like I had found the one thing I depend on to be whole
And how you matched my heart with your delicately so
I would have given all I had if you didn’t have to go
And leave me to depart on some far flung trek
I would have walked out on a wire and risked my neck
But to hear you deny me like I never even existed
Took more strength than I owned to have resisted
Crying out for the other half of who I am
And praying that you would understand
But your gaze turned icy cold
And I could see my entitlement in the way I started to fold
And break like that and come apart at the seams
I had always believed in the reality of dreams
And that what was foretold would come to pass
And that one time only love could do nothing but last
But the chains encroached and wrapped around like vines
And I couldn’t speak when you declared you were not mine
But belonged to another and were bonded at the core
When you know it is impossible you only want it more
But I let the full weight of it break my wooden frame
As I conceded to myself I was in love with a name
That stood for a symbol that I was longing to be
What I loved about you is you accepted me
With no conditions and no rules, no, just as I am
So when I shattered the stone I thought you would understand
But it seems there’s only so much you can take
And I will never speak to you again for your own sake
So go live your own life full of happiness and wonder
And I’ll remember how you moved my earth with your rolling thunder
How you cascaded rain down the panes of my vision
And how you hit me in the heart ruthlessly and with precision
And how you struck me on the spot and made me to be
The living embodiment of my own destiny
Beautiful disasters don’t come in threes
It’s the kind of love that brings me down to my knees
And breaks apart my heart and soul
When we first met I felt so whole
And I wonder do they know what went on in between
When we both awoke inside the other’s dream
Before it turned to nightmares of the mind
Before the moment I left you behind
And all the twists and turns wander the roads
The weight is heavy and the stress it shows
Among the guilt of breaking her down
The water rises and I start to drown
Because I just cannot escape the truth
I love you and I never put it to use
Wonderment is the surprise
To be the deep inside your eyes
To be the bend at the edge of the river
To be the strength of a light giver
And somehow I just cannot escape
Superman with his red cape
As he goes flying into town
I listen for the empty sound
Of birds in trees at the end of days
I love you in so many ways
And it all comes to a close in the eclipse
You are the one I don’t have to miss
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There’s a void no ocean can quell
There’s an emptiness nothing can quiet
There’s a silence deep in the darkness
And I just want to try it
Because all of the nights of these days
Comes down to the end of the line
And when it comes to the edge of the road
I just am not fine
Because it all just is a facade
All just an elaborate ruse
All just a dance done out into space
Because I’ve something to prove
So don’t tell me to keep my voice down
Just because it isn’t PC
You must take the good along with the bad
You promised to have all of me
A beautiful disaster isn’t the word for you
But I can’t argue semantics because I am one too
And there are some songs that really fit our name
And playing you’s a joy cause you’re such a perfect game
But the nighttime intercedes in between our days
As you walk away from me in a myriad of ways
And you find your home in some other where
I’ve never been one to pretend I didn’t care
Because I do, I do and never will forget
The time we spent together, the time that we could yet
But if it is your will then I will let you go
It’s not like it is a choice but just so you will know
From now until forever you will be in my heart
We’re begun in an eternity that has no end or start
There are days that age you
More than time ever can
Because in a moment
You see
All that you are
And are not
And you come to realise
In the revolution of a star
That the light you threw
Has gone out
And shines no longer
And then the darkness
The deep unenviable darkness
Seems all there ever is
And oblivion can never really be known
But there is an order to this universe
Amid all the chaos
That cannot be seen with human eyes
But can be felt with the heart
And points nowhere, neither up nor down
But back to the true source
Of everything
Where light and dark are merely concepts
In the power of who you are
An emotion that rises from the bowl of my heart
Blue round the edges, midnight from the start
It grows up like waves and encircles me whole
Submerged by its weight in an ocean of coal
In a river titanic that’s growing in size
Bearing down quick and destroying my lies
More hell than heaven, harbinger of doom
The death of us all coming in soon
Fading in a moment, all the people I love
The strength of this sunk like a dove
Close my eyes, my pupils turn in
To meet dark with dark and see what it brings
I can’t bear anymore to watch people leave
My heart shredded up as it hangs on my sleeve
No words of kindness, no enveloping hugs
Stems a current that burgeons out plugs
Any attempts that I make fall flat on their face
As I hold back air like I’m losing a race
Futility complete as I reflect my own eyes
To feel it all fall the point of my life
I’m not of this place, could not be my home
When I was born to love those that are gone
True to the feeling that beats in my soul
Feel it on my lips as it swallows me whole
Drop into sunshine, drop away from the tears
Know I’ve been alive for millions of years
Those not around are a dew drop away
Feel them touch my skin when I just let it lay
Closer in absence than they ever have been
A taste of a world that I’ve never seen
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The love of my life, did I ever think it could be
In the moment we met did I know he’s for me
Cacophonies and dreams all spiralled in one
With an inky black core, in the dark he’s begun
He smiles. Eyes with the sun, mouth with the wind
So he’s lit up and free in the second he grinned
Like the foot of a mountain with snow on the top
Gods hand in the clouds or his curly brown mop
Reverence and awe shine in my hands
As I hold up to him my bare open palms
I’m nothing in this, grassy fields by his side
The air ripples through and my breathing gets light
To do justice to him and honour him whole
Fills up my mind and takes root in my soul
I start for a second and trip over my toe
Because I’m shocked by the feeling he’s where I’m to go
The spirit in him is all I can feel
So light and so pure, nothing I can steal
I’m held for a second in this dazzling white light
And when we move closer respect burns me bright
I nod my head here as his words tumble out
I smile at his face when his eyes fill with doubt
He listens when I talk even though I’m a fool
And the way that he smirks makes me feel like I’m cool
He understands everyone, each knock at his door
Doesn’t turn away beggars or start to ignore
Compassion beats fast in the heart in his chest
As he buys us all crisps, one for me and the rest
He makes his own day from the things that he does
Wakes up devotion in the people he loves
A man like this, to meet on my walk
Close my eyes for a second and God starts to talk
To bring him to me and let me touch his hand
Is far more horizons than I ever had planned
Whisper invisible alights on my cheek
It says go to him, give him all you seek
In dark days of silence, wrap blankets and tea
When he gets lost follow him to the sea
I’m burning inside to be a hug for his arms
A sink soft armchair to be there if he’s harmed
What can I do? I’m lost in this maze
But a home for his head leaves me unfazed
Dewdrops and silence fall in our tears
Stillness and warmth in the drop away years
Embracing and full in the care of above
All of this world born in His love
You are always home to me wherever we both go
And though we do not speak in words I know that you know
As sure as the stars blaze forth in galaxies afar
The dark interweaves our souls entwined to always what we are
And I know you have moved on and our lives are separate streams
But I meet you daily and nightly in my dreams
And everywhere’s an everglade with leaves all bursting forth
You taught me how to be myself and showed me what I’m worth
But I think in sidelines, somedays, I taught you too
Cause when you were on your own I was always there with you
In the brushing of the wind or the language that we speak
You are the destiny I didn’t know how to seek
But you found me and all in the open of the air
And in that moment looking through I saw you standing there
As you moved the earth with the weight of time and age
You are more than just a fantasy or wording on a page
And everyday’s an ocean and you’re not really gone
Cause you are inside my heart and have been for so long
So don’t cry bitter tears when you think of the past of us
We’ve always had a bond and that’s where I place my trust
There’s a warm hot breeze blowing in from the window
And I feel so old and so grown
As if I even know
What either of those things are
And the wind carries on it
The weight of age and time
From another era
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The Poetry Book 