Tag: poem

Always And Forever

.Reading time 1 minute.
Always and forever in bubblegum pop
I will always be something that you are not
And strive to reach
But something they cannot teach
Is that you are what you are
And everyone burns like a star
Til its collapse into a black hole
The light returns to its soul 
Somewhere in the deep
In a universe where you cannot speak
Of the secrets they utter
And the shutter
Flies shut on the window
As I see her with him, though
And drop out of the sky
Because some people want to die
When they see their lover
With another
But all I feel is gratitude
That she holds the heart of that dude
And keeps him warm
Because every storm
Crashes upon my shore
And everything means something more
Than it’s first inception
And your deflection
Does nothing to dim
The weight of worlds I am to him
I see it in his eyes
And that never dies
Once it is born
So forlorn
Though so replete 
The lady washed the man’s feet
With her hair
I know because I was there

What Wants To Come Through

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I sit and wait for what wants to come through
But it only ever speaks of you
And what we are
Some far distant star
Shines on us both
And the coach
We took to the sea
Set the both of us free
You can trust me
I will be here
Always, for you, dear
Though you may not see me in the leaves
You don’t need to believe 
Just trust and open to what is
And I know that she is his
But I welcome her care and her devotion
I can feel it in his emotion
As he speaks to me 
And eternity
Is on his breath
But, still, he does not forget
Because almost never crossed the line
And we are us for all of time 
In every winter that the trees shake
I will be there and when you wake
You will see my subtle stance
I’ll love you always in this dance

Eternal Clothes

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Marriage and prose
And less travelled roads
Did I find mine
With a stranger who just took a moment of my time
And let me be
He let me go free
When I felt the fear encapsulate
Because he might want to date
Me
And eternity
Is all I know
But I have to let you know
I don’t do boys and girls
I do you are my world 
And you have become
Everything I thought when I was young
As we just talk 
And we just walk
You lift my bag
And I drag
My feet behind me
But do not mind me
I’m just shy
And I’m gonna love you til the day I die
It’s not your choice
But I raise my voice 
To let you know 
That this love won’t let me go
And find another
You’re like a lover 
I never had
And the feeling bad
Does not eclipse
The anticipation of your lips 
On mine
There was a time
I thought we were naught
Til I saw the line you bought 
With the skyline in the air
So I let you know I care
In stuttering vowels
And the wolf of death, he prowls
On the edge of conversation
And education
Can’t save us here
But she just might, my dear
And I do not begrudge 
The way you choose to express your love
And find it reflected 
In the heart you have selected 
To be yours 
And the water pures 
As it pours through the filter
And time will wilt her 
But it will not change 
The way the atoms rearragnge
To form a sphere 
I will always be with you, dear

The Empath

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The empath walks and she believes
In everything she finds upon her sleeves
To be hers
But all the wars
That people fight
In their own candlelight
Are open season
And she finds the reason
To live
And forgive
The girl that broke her heart
And left her in the darkest dark 
In the age of fourteen
There were nights I couldn’t dream 
At all
And every wall
I ever faced
Was somehow out of place
In this vast open space
Like stars in the darkness of the case
We are all held within
And the notion of sin
Is archaic and grey
And I don’t believe in it anyway
As I make my First Confession
I sit in the pews wondering what expression
Of grief I should portray
Because I cannot find the way
To see evil inside of myself
Everything is ancient and on the shelf
And I take it down and dust off
The trust that all is not lost
As dawn breaks and I realise
That I am more open skies 
Than I ever was land
I see you there and I take your hand
And lift you up
And if I ever thought I knew love
It was this moment here
You are my eternal, dear

The Machinations

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The machinations work 
And they hurt
As I make myself small
To appeal to you all
And it’s not because I hold a grudge
That I trudge through all this sludge
Into the mists of time
And my rhyme 
Gets relegated 
Into something somebody stated
One time in the hall
I hold myself back and the freefall
Is more than I can bear
And I tear 
In the fabric rush
And everything I seem to touch
Turns to ash
And I can’t get it back 
Anymore than I ever could
And the wood 
Is the only place I can find peace
From the threat of the decease
As it throws patterns on the wall
And it’s not part of me at all
Anymore
Because that closed door
Opened into a new sky
And I realised I could never die

Looking Back And Looking In

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I felt the shards glisten inside of me 
And it was winter witheringly
As I watched the tide recede
With everything that I believe
In and as heretofore
Why is it that the ones we adore
Are the ones who punish us
In lines we cross and broken trust
They try to reign me in
But it’s like a corset and I cannot win
Then I happened upon him
After our meeting on the sly
Far past the place where we both die
By a strike on our homes
And we are both alone
In the darkness and the grass
Moonlight that doesn’t seem to pass
Into the sun
And he is the one
That I know
But he doesn’t like me so
I let it go
And shut him out of my sky
But we both know it is a lie 
Because he is all of my stars
I see them through my prison bars
And the walls may be bricks and mortar
And if I had a quarter
For every time you said you’d be there
I could have found someone who’d really care
But anyway
Leave that with the hay
They raked in the summer weather
And the heather
May induce sleep
But you’re a promise I want to keep 
Deep within my heart and soul
So let the waves roll
And crash upon grains of sand
You will forever hold my hand
In my heart of hearts
It’s in the end the beginning starts

The Midnight That Shattered Me

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She’s a mystery to me
And I long to let her go free
But every attempt I make 
Is met with something she forsake 
And I reach out across the sea
But I’m met with a knee
In the gut to wind
And let me know that I have sinned
As she announces her realm
And the ship at the helm
Is vacant and empty
It’s been this way since we were twenty
And I sought to find
Something I had left behind
In my teens
(Not just the man of my dreams)
But friendship too
And I felt the lack of you
In Dublin City Centre
Captain America’s but I could not enter
Because the gate was barred
And I felt times get hard
As I refused to cross the line
That I felt them define
And commerce was too coarse for me
But I obeyed willingly
The teachers, the guidance, the accounts and the way
But there were things I could not say
As I walked through my apartment 
I heard a voice from your department 
Saying; “why am I in so much pain”
That was just before the rain
Pelted on me 
I ran from Jess and Hillary
As they left bottles on the floor
And became something that I abhor
They throw a party in the dorm
But they do not warn
Either I or Caroline
I walk in and it would have been fine
If I could’ve just locked my door
But I get dressed up and walk on the fifth floor
And have a chat with Colin too
Though he is different than what I’d want to
Embody as the excel 
But he’s alright so I said “well”
It is an Irish greeting
You say when you are meeting
Someone you causally know
Then sanity let me go
In February of that year
I felt myself on the edge of a tear
As Snow Patrol belted a tune
But I could feel the split in the room
As I wrapped myself in a blanket 
I did not forget to thank it 
For its warm embrace
When everything seemed to deface 
The old tome
And I just wished for home
But I could not go back 
And everything I lack 
Is muted in the undertone
I loved my Nokia phone
And I kept the messages I sent
Three hundred of them before I went
To America, to New York
And somehow there was a fork 
In the road I chose to walk
I am not to be all talk 
But something deeper than they see
I will walk out of history
And write the words that have called to me
Since the beginning of mystery
Decided it would dance with me
Now I am all beauty 
And sparkling lights 
And in my darkest nights
I could still find love
Just trust it’s there because above
Will never failed to sink
Into depths you do not think 
Can ever be perforated
Depression is underrated

The Garden

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There are laws and there are lines
Watch me cross them a thousand times
And she says to be wary
And I always respect the fairy
At the bottom of the garden 
I watch positions harden
On the news 
As people pay their dues
By hunkering down on what they don’t know
I felt it bite so I let go
Of that particular stranger thing
And I don’t know if a Sí has a wing
But I know I do not trespass 
On their particular piece of grass
And there are thousands of other creatures
Different in all their features
Who walk amongst us, who are
Not foreign like a burning star
But intimately connected 
To the god who was resurrected
From the cross
I feel the pain but all is not lost
On me
I am set free
By the daggers in my side
And just because I’m not alive
In the same way I was before
Does not mean that I am not something more
Than I grew to be
There is a mystery
That has always haunted my vision
And the derision
Did nothing to dim
The connection I had with Him
In the form of prayer
Coz I just know He is there 
And listens to me
And everything I’ve come to be
In the growing time 
I thought it was a curse to be forced to rhyme
Each word with another
And every brother
I ever found
Had a preoccupation with the lack of sound
In the sky
To be born you have to die
And I woke up on the floor
And I don’t know what for
All I know is that Truth
Reached into my youth
And asked me to become
The bridge on which the coat is slung
As I dive right in
And I met him
When he was a brigand wild
But I could see his inner child
Longing to be let loose
So I sigh at the proof
He seeks to find
That he should not be left behind
And I smile
I’m gonna love you for a while

Sunshine Blood

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There is sunshine blood flowing in my veins
And it doesn’t care about the rains
That seem to fall upon the fields
It only increases the crop it yields 
And I have been dying just to speak
But I’m scared that they might think I’m weak
As they try to control
And make me play a role
That fits the adequate defender
So I let go and surrender 
To the pull of the Divine
That is neither yours nor mine
But only ours to ever be
It was the truth that is set free
When the grass beneath my toes
Said softly; only love knows
Exactly what is going on 
And the people have it wrong
When they try to encapsulate
The lovers in another state
And the lady in special care
Looked up like there was nobody there
And asked me what I thought I was
I lied because
I was scared I was like her
And that we only ever were
Two mentally ill people there 
As the nurses try to care 
What they put into my drink
I watch the faces as I sink
Into my chair
And the plate of food is already there
To liberate and to free
But it is not for me

The Higher Dimensions

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The higher dimensions call to me
And they ask to be set free
From all the chains Earth entails
Because their starship never fails
To broach the boundary of sky
I wait and watch while people die
In Palestine
But it’s justified so “it’s fine”
Are the people in Gaza even human
Because what are the forces even doing
To innocent men, women and child
I look and see that the land is wild
With sunset in the air
And a sea that beats the coast with care
And you may say it’s anti-Semitic 
To go against the rhetoric
That is spilling from the screen 
Because war is always a scream 
And there’s nothing we can do about it
So why should I even doubt it 
Like when they invaded Iraq
All the world that I held back
From speaking aloud and true
Coz they might do something to you
But they destabilise
And become dictators in their eyes
And I know the soldiers are just boys
Firing guns like they’re toys 
Never knowing what they do
To the people who are facing you
But somewhere in my blood
I can see a realm that’s good
That goes beyond the tears
And it’s been with me for years 
Somehow my Irish skin
Shouts out to say “I am with Him”
And the Jesus that I know
Was Palestinian also so 
I must speak before the quiet 
Becomes an unholy riot 
And sets fire to the world 
I’ve never been just a girl

Beautification

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Beautification
Don’t change the TV station
Just stay with me for a while
I am a program that will make you smile
His eyes are lashes and he looks away
What is it you have to say? 
I fall in love with you over and over
We’re chalk and cheese like the white cliffs of Dover
And I grew up to hate the British for what they did
But when the moment came to me I hid
And the little girl talks about the lid
Of a bottle 
It is full throttle 
On the car I drive
And no one is ever unalive
They just change in shape and form
And just because the body’s not warm 
Doesn’t mean someone has died
It’s just they’re somewhere you haven’t tried
To be in communion with yet
And I swore I would never forget
But I don’t need to hold it like a grudge
Because that space in me doesn’t budge
It just issues forth
And there is no remorse
Because you’ve done nothing wrong
People just misinterpret your song
As you’re singing it into the wind
The people teach the lesson of sin
Because they don’t know the pure
That’s the one thing I know for sure

The Hills

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Living in the hills I’ve known my own share of pain
And the west coast is full of rain 
Because it faces the Atlantic 
And don’t be so dramatic
When you say that the wiles of Connemara
Has shades of Scarlet O’ Hara
With her red hair and wild ways 
I have to say I cannot leave what he says 
When he talks about a soulmate
And it more than a person that you date 
It is someone to whom your heart is bound
I fell for him without a sound
And he tried so hard
Did he know that he had the card
That would trump a royal flush 
And the seats were so plush 
As we sat in the comfort of each other 
He had the safety of a brother 
But the love of a fire brimming flame
And I didn’t remember his name 
Because he went by something else
And I was a little worried about his mental health 
But he’s always been my choice
And ever since I found my voice
I’ve been searching for ways to say
I always want to be with you, okay?

The Fugitive

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I run from him and my destiny
Because I can’t think a man would ever want to be with me 
But it seems he does 
And it is twenty shades of love
In every hue
And in everything a man or woman could do 
Together, with each other, that can’t be done alone
I see him on my phone 
And ask him to please be more clear
He said, “clean your glasses, dear”
And I spitfire in the sky
Scream out, what if you die
And leave me with child 
What will happen to my wild
If I’m forced to birth
Something that will hurt
Like a bitch
He says; “you’re a witch
In the positive sense” 
I tell him he’s dense
In a John Snow kind of way
But he doesn’t get the things I say
And my pop culture reference 
But in his own defence
He stays silent as the grave
And does nothing to save
Himself from my onslaught
And if there is anything my life has taught
Me it is to appreciate
What’s there because when you equate
Permanence to the temporal 
You set yourself up for a fall
And will he ever know
That my love for him will never go
But I can’t be the female he sees
I was never afflicted with that disease
In living life on my knees
And giving more than I have
Lost in guilt and feeling bad 
And he is more feminine than I 
But we both look into that which will die
And come out smelling of infinity 
If you could set me up, could it be with he?

The Bitterness

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The bitterness eats me up 
And they’ve told me it’s just unwanted love
That festers and burns
As the axis turns 
For other seasons 
And there are reasons
Why people will turn your life upside down
I walked Bláthnaid home to her side of town
When she’d had one too many
And there wasn’t any
Way I would let her go that way alone
It was before the age of iPhone
When we would text for 13 cent 
And each one counted because every one meant
Someone had thought of you
And thought to spend time and money to
Talk it through
And there was Smirnoff Ice and blue WKD
I liked the taste but the vibe wasn’t for me
But those girls were ancient, those girls wee old
Those girls were a story that’s never been told 
Sitting in my soul 
As we talk our way into Blazers
And make unsteady use of razors 
For the first time 
It was sublime 
But there were those who used the blades
To do a tad more than shave
And it was just the status quo
You’d hear the whispers and you’d know 
What others went through
There was a friend I loved who did it too
And she was like the thread that tied
A smile to the boat on the ship that lied 
And failed to float
So I quote 
Ralph Waldo Emerson for the win
And other inspiration 
Would just come to pass
But these years have taken more class
Than I knew how to own 
It’s like the game was thrown
The moment my saviour walked in the door
And what’s more 
It was a perfect prose
The best thing about the less travelled road
Is that it’s not really a choice
It is about using your voice
Then your feet just walk
Otherwise you are all talk
In the tea
I’d have a sup of that with you if you’re free

Firefights In The Snow

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Firefights in the snow 
And I just thought you should know
That I will never be anything like you
I know it’s not coz you wanted me to
That you crushed the flower that you build 
Draw juice from it until it wilt
And you can say that it’s bloom has faded
Like you say I am bitter and jaded
At thirty three
Watching all the life just leave me 
Like a slow boat to China
You shouldn’t let it define ya
And they had me in hell
For a secret I’ll never tell
I hid out in the activity room
Anything to get away from their bells of doom
And I felt like it was rape
To trap me somewhere I cannot escape
Without my consent
And I don’t know where it went 
But my fire failed me 
Aries in my blood almost derailed me 
As Kathy tries to talk me down
But that ship has sailed three times around
The sea you’re facing 
And it’s defacing 
The walls I know
To paint on them but I had to show 
Something to the prisoners of war
It’s not only them that this is for 
But for legions of youth growing up 
You could call it redemptive love

The Doors That Slam Shut

.Reading time 1 minute.
The doors that slam shut mean you can’t go back
And it came to me like a heart attack
Always going for the folds
Like adjacent fields of golds 
Barley blowing in the wind
And does it mean I have sinned
If I go my own way
It doesn’t matter what they say
I’m going to be the self I am
Small s until you’re taking home Sam
For Kilglass Ladies’ Senior team
Running with those girls was a dream
And we had clashes and we had fights
But we’d die for each other on those nights
When we were playing under floodlights
Out in Kiltoom
And the dressing room
Was somewhere you always wanted to be
Because when they were with me
We could sail any ship to sea
They walked me to eternity
Because out on the run and side by side
You know there’s no better place to be alive
Than with your friends
I toast to the dream that never ends

Taking Aim

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Taking aim at modern psychiatry
Because it just seems to get the best of me
As they say I’m not well
I can only tell
Them the truth 
That in my youth
The darkness came to kiss
The reason I exist
And for a season or two
I wondered if I would follow you 
Down into the abyss 
And I make a fist 
But I strike air
Because the enemy was never there 
Only a foe in sheep’s clothing
The nurse had a way of knowing 
I was just making shapes
And so the girl escapes
From Stella ward again 
It is full of older women 
And I cannot bear to sit in the common room 
And reminisce about the edge of doom
While the TV plays a tune
And the ladies said I brought some calm 
And some kindness to their alarm 
As I moved soft and serene 
Between the edges of the dream 
And it was a nightmare for some
But I do not succumb
And I talk to Francis in Special Care
He says there is a reason he is there 
And I don’t need to worry
And the hurry 
I’m in can quiet
Does he not see the riot
In the minds of his charges
A whitelighter at the marches 
As they step in line for freedom 
But do you let them know you can see them
When you let them down easy
I was so breezy
But do I let it go at thirty three
Or do I stand up for the best of me 
In the subterfuge
I was the refuge
For a sea of souls 
In the realm that grows old 
Slowly by degree
You can put your faith in me

The Flood That Washed The Bones Away

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It’s either a famine or a feast
So say the ones who have deceased
And left us with their words
And I may be away with the birds
But I still have something left to impart
Because that holy dart
Struck me straight into the heart
And said stand up and speak 
The one who says to the weak 
Or the cripple to walk
I’ve been silent but now I talk 
And my voice is resonant 
With a power that’s heaven sent
As the Christ makes Himself known 
In the garden that has grown 
In the absence of stares
And somebody cares
About who you are 
And every star
That ever was must burn
So why did my sky take a turn 
To spin around the sun
I think I know the only One
That will ever come to reside
In the heart where love abide
As I give the King his reign
Please don’t ask me to do that again
But if you do I will consent 
And acquiesce to your request 
To be the tower in the shade
It’s something I cannot evade
As I spill secrets to my GP
And she looks back at me 
With frightened eyes
My disguise
Has grown thin
Since I revealed myself to him 
And I can no longer lie by omission
Or sell myself for a commission
But bullet reverberate around my soul 
Leaving me riddled with holes
Like the pillars of the GPO
Who are the British in this, do you know?

The Winter I Endured

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The winter I endured
Was far from pure
The snow was tinged with scattered blood
And it was anything but good 
As the forest turned to trees with eyes
Out to get me in my disguise
And they may say agenda
But I would always defend ya
From the forces that come to pass
I sat in the young adults group before I hit twenty four
They’d get you to talk behind a closed door
Like it was some kind of club
While you’re dosed up on some drug 
And I remember a boy who slurred his speech
Is this the lesson that they teach
To all of us
That the broken trust
Will lead us to the promised land
But their broken promises are all sand 
As they try to dampen your spirit
I’ll say it loud so that everyone will hear it
And Teresa in the bed across
Was shocked half to death by a girl boss
And told it would heal her depression
But here is my confession 
That, though I shook and though I wake
I did it all for her sake 
Shouted to the dragon in her bed
Said, follow me instead
Coz I can carry the weight
And she cannot stand the hate
And I sat by Shauna’s side
If this was the only reason I’d abide
In that place for a thousand years 
I grabbed a bucket to catch their tears
And I would face all of their fears
With them so they wouldn’t be alone
Now friends are clicking on a phone
And I watch them search
For a place to land that doesn’t hurt 
And they say social media is hell
And I’ve certainly lived to tell 
The scéal 
And the tale 
Is long and well worn 
But I am certainly not forlorn
When they put me on the “done”
I’d rather take a hash brownie or scone 
Because what they prescribed
Only ever made me feel less alive
It’d be enough to drive a man to drink
Or a woman to overthink 
The things she does by instinct 
But God cleared up the flood
And I taste and see that the Lord is good
And he will redeem
The shackles that just fell from the queen 
And the Son of Man was crucified 
Just so that the Pharisees could abide
In their positions of power 
But everyone who claims to tower
Over another will be brought low
You’re looking down so I thought I should let you know

The Oppressive Class

.Reading time 1 minute.
The oppressive class
Think that their power will always last
And they’re always doing it for a reason 
Til their punishment is open season 
And the subordinates get even
With people they don’t want to be believing 
And you could say that kindness kills
And good intentions and foreign wills
Mask the wound as the blood spills 
Out onto my shirt
It may have hurt
When they struck me down
But I’m not giving up on this down 
And it is for my own health
They say they must steal my wealth 
From me 
But there is something that will always be free
In the green, green grass of home 
There is something that you have never known 
As you paint a beach of waifs 
But I am not trying to escape 
The cup that’s been handed to me
I’m just trying to reflect the free
In the prism that casts it’s hues
And he people who pay their dues 
In the mindfulness class
It is not part of the past
But of the Now
And I know you will realise somehow 
What I’ve been trying to express
In my state of undress 
As I spell it out in monotones
What I couldn’t hide from iPhones
As they responded to my touch
And scared away what I loved so much 
Into the fold of open season
Have you ever loved someone without reason?

Irish Blood

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Irish blood
And I found solace in the wood
In the years they locked me up 
Because of a lack of love
And I said I was willing to die
And they thought I was going to try
But what they don’t understand 
Is that this land
Means more to me 
Than I could ever express in a word set free
It’s not enough to liberate 
Myself from this body into another state
I must come back to form 
Because everyone that’s warm
Is fighting a battle to find
Something of themselves they’ve left behind
In the ether and ashes 
And all the clashes 
Between foreign forces
And the eminent divorces
That we all go through
Are nothing to the Divine that you
Discover when you look within
And there are some who deride Him 
When there making sarcasm count 
But there is no amount 
Of time or space
That could ever lay waste
To the ground in between 
And the sages say that it is a dream 
To speak that maya is real 
It is a story that the devil steal 
To weave a web around your head 
Til you’re sweating as you’re lying in bed
And I was in Room Sixteen 
In Dean Swift and the moonbeam 
Scattered light across my floor
I was scared to open the door
Coz I could hear screams from Special Care
And I couldn’t meet the people’s stare 
As they sought to meet me in the dire
But I had set the whole thing on fire
And I was watching as it burned down
Knowing I could never return to this town 
On the outskirts of sane
They would call my name
And I would respond
But something in me abscond 
And had left behind what I thought I knew
I died for him and I died for you
Because my Saviour didn’t wait for the thread to pass through 
The eye of the needle in the tapestry
Do you mind if I weave my own story of me
And I fight with the doctor to own
My narrative because I have sown 
The fabric in my coat of many shades
I may have the ace of spades
But they still hold the crown 
Like the king of keeping us down 
In the reverb of what we shouldn’t see
Would I be right if I said you were talking to me?

My Studies

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I wanted to be ready when the time came
So I studied hard and made my name 
On the college scene 
As someone who knows how to dream 
And I did business studies then politics
International relations to call it quits
And I only did so so
But I’m not here to excel in what you want me to know
I want to know the frame of mind
That means we can leave 80% behind 
When we talk about the global north
And we dream of sipping tea on our front porch
Without realising the claim to land 
Is something the poor can’t understand 
Coz farmers in India barely survive
And many don’t want to be alive
At the subsistence rate
Save the kids from the parents fate
Is what they state 
When asked in a questionnaire 
And I know it isn’t fair
But isn’t that just life, they say
But what if it doesn’t have to be that way
I see another path
One where God’s wrath
Is not the standard bearer 
And no carer 
Goes unpaid 
Just so that girl “slayed”
In an instagram post
But you look like you’ve seen a ghost
But maybe it’s just the starving frame
Of a child in Africa - always the same 
Isn’t it
And your quick wit
Won’t absolve you from 
The privilege you’re holding wrong 
So I must write to make it okay
And who will listen to what I have to say
If I say it on my own 
But the colours that the prism has thrown 
Has shown 
Me that there is another might
Than the dark of night 
And that a dawn to break 
Is the place where the people wake 
And see that their brother is their friend
And their neighbour must make amends 
With who he’s come to be
And every child is born free
To a woman in our history 
Or a non binary folk 
Must we make the weak carry the yoke 
And pull the weight up the hill
Does a country have the right to kill 
Its own citizens or its enemies in fields
In martial arts the one who yields 
Is the one who the wind blows with 
And the flow is not something that can stick 
To the pan when you’re flipping eggs
Don’t say that we’ve made our beds

The Falling And The Flying

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The falling and the flying
And somehow it felt like dying
As I raged against the machine
And swore that I was the queen
Of my own domain
As the rain
Fell upon my head
And I wished myself dead
A thousand times 
But the war crime
Awoke me to be 
Something that I have to see
If I am to realise
That which never dies
In it’s own embodiment 
That hell is heaven sent 
If everything is God created
And some things are simply stated 
In their complexity
There are rivers that run into the sea
And they get the best of me
As an ocean swallows all you’ll be
And the holy light 
Was more than all white 
It was the trancendental
Amid the realms so evidential 
In it’s plurality
The God of One 
Revealed Itself to me
And I was twenty three
When I shared the summer with the free
And it bit back 
For all that it lack 
In the midnight ramblings and stuttered speech
I know he hit me because he was weak 
And scared and suffering 
And, I, the bird with the broken wing
Refused to fly
And something die
In all that war
I don’t know what any of it was for
Because he just tries to say
I want you at a distance, okay
And I belligerent refuse
To be some point you want to prove
Throw the papers in your face
And say that thing is a disgrace
And leave me alone
I block the phone
From ever calling to my door
I shut you out and what’s more
I bar the gate
And time won’t wait 
For a sin like that 
Something was said that can’t be taken back
So I leave 
Like Tristan with a heart upon her sleeve
In her walking boots
And the man may have roots
Or a motorbike 
But what are you like 
When you swim the sea
Just to say sorry to me 
Like Michael and the man 
I’d forgive you but I don’t know if I can
Let it go
I thought I’d write it down so you’d know

The Wonder And The Dance

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There is wonder in the dance
And you think about a second chance
To do everything over
But would you take it if you didn’t know her
And had to live the death again 
The taking away of women and men 
And I know I may be traumatised
By a past life where people died
Beyond my control 
And there is a shake, rattle and roll 
That soothes my soul 
Like an old car on the way to the Mega Bowl 
To celebrate a birthday or two
Eleven years old and walking with you
Into our teens 
And all the screams 
Fall silent sometimes 
There was horror in this childhood of mine
As I lay in my bed and dreamed
Then woke up paralysed and screamed
And ran out of the doors 
Into the light and love implores
Me to just take it easy
But I’ve never been so breeze
As I was at twenty two
Just after discovering you
And the lightness held 
In the depths that weld 
Themselves to my heart 
I know it’s about the taking part 
But somehow I’ve always wanted to win
The prize, the guys, the loyalty of him 
But it doesn’t work that way
And all I can really say
Is that the writing has called me since I was yay high 
And I know the people die
In foreign lands 
At the hands 
Of those who claim to be just
And broken dust 
Falls like paper burnt to cinders 
Ashen and my fingers limber 
Yearn to call them out 
Like darkness in my own self doubt
Is the world on a turning point to see
That good can be bad when it isn’t me 
And I would never do you wrong
But when people belong
To a tribe and dwell
They can inflict all kinds of hell
On those who have no way to defend 
The hearts that break only to mend
Themselves in solid steel
Can you blame the way they feel 
When they suffer in the rubble
And the ground shakes to signal trouble 
In the outer sphere 
If your compassion doesn’t extend to fear
Then is it real 
And can I heal 
And be the wholeness to embrace
The people that the pain deface
And I watch his eyes
As a child cries 
Before his lens 
Is it too late to make amends 
And ask for a ceasefire to be held 
I know the North of Ireland well
And somehow it has been a fragile peace
Not watching another youth decease
In the wreckage of flame 
Everyone has a name 
That they go by
To their loved ones and the lie
Is that there is no way to be 
When you’re running from history

The Midnight Repose

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There is a midnight repose
Somewhere in the path I chose
And it is the end of many roads
But somehow the water just flows
And lets me know, lets me see
That somehow it is not just me 
In this fragile boat on water
That in depth for God’s daughter
There is a Son
And he lets me know he is the one 
Who has come to save my soul 
So though the boat may rock and roll
The fear cannot overturn me
Nor the fire burn me 
In the winter time 
Or the subterfuge that is mine
As I lie in wait
And let go of all the hate
That has fuelled my indecision
Oh, the memory of the derision
Of being fourteen years old
Of being weak and being told 
While the war planes bomb Iraq
Into an oblivion they cannot take back
Now the drone hover over Gaza
While it is snowing at the plaza
And people skate and people drink
But do you ever stop to think
What if it was you
Who had nothing to do 
But watch the tearing force of stains
And phosphorous in the rains

Stepping Out Of LIne

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Am I stepping out of line
To say that a war crime
Is not something I can bear to see
The silence that gets the best of me 
As I struggle with some imaginary chains
But sometimes you just have to let the rains
Fall upon the lands so green 
And this ground has no queen
Who would rule and lord over all the grass
As least not the kind of noble that would last
On any kind of throne
God is the source of the place I call home 
And It issues from every space I step 
It is the space of no regret 
But somehow I lose fifteen years 
In silence and in tears 
As they struggle to contain 
The part of me that is all rain
And I fear to write
About all of this shite
I feel the tendrils encapsulate 
And tell me what I should and should not state
They call it OCD 
Then go and change their tune on me 
It’s psychosis, there’s creaks on the stairs 
And there are reams of unanswered prayers
Just sitting in the envelopes marked send 
When will this torture end
As I try to be somebody but my twin flame
Comes back and calls my name 
As I lie awake in bed
Why can’t I get him out of my head
And is it trivial to say that his love
Fits me like my grandmother’s glove 
The ones she used to wear to mass
When I was a child in class
Reading about the Second World War
Now the urging is what it is for
As I strive to be the voice that speaks 
But there is nothing for weeks and weeks 
As the flood builds up behind the damn
Do they know who I am 
When they destroy 
Every bit of girl and boy
In the strip 
There’s a poisoned chalice and I take a sip

The Machinations Of War

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I tried to scream but they stifled the cry
Now I must watch the people die
And it’s game over in the extreme
As people wake up from the dream 
And wonder what it is they have been doing
The empty hands they are pursing 
In the hope that it will bring them gold 
But they forget to look inside their soul 
To find what’s there to share
The loaves and the fish and people care
About each other
A bomb drops and another mother 
Hears her child’s stifled scream 
For the last time as the seam 
Is burst on the dress we sew 
And there may be people in the know 
But they can’t see what we are 
I look over at him in my car
As we drive to the sunset in my sky
But I watched the fading from view lie
In wait for every summer sun
You wake up and you are the one
Who will be the endeavoured in the replete
The woman may have washed Jesus’ feet
With her hair
But were you there 
When he let her be
And for free
Forgave what held her down
Like the men about the town
Who used her for what she could 
Only sell in that type of wood 
And the trees holds whispers still 
Feel the weight of heavy will 
Signal summer in the breeze
The weight is heavy but my knees 
Can finally lift their stone
And if I must I will leave home

The Starship On The Edge Of Space

.Reading time 2 minutes.
She came so close to me 
It was like intimacy
But then she pulled the starship out 
And I don’t know then what I am about
As I share a secret too
We’re walking and I watch you
Spill the beans on me 
As I look back infinitely 
On who I thought I was 
Now I see see that all the loss
Was just a replicate
Of me in another life or state
And I had found him in the mirror
But it clears and I don’t see her
In the picture so I run
You’re all up for the fun
But I can’t trade a sunny day
For the ability to read the sacred way
Of the storms that come to bear
Can you really not see the fabric tear
As time accelerates
And we rapidly lose our estates
To the landlords they install
I leave so I answer the call
And the land knows what I am 
Generational trauma on the sand
And the wind blows through my hair 
As if it knows that I am there 
To take back all that they did to us
But I”m looking through windows like broken trust
At the situation in the Gaza Strip 
And the warlords they equip 
With weapons to rain down hell
On children who won’t live to tell
The story of the loss they bear
I see their still questing stare
Looking for someone to bear the brunt
Of what’s become a PR stunt
And a lesson in optics there 
I wish I could make them care
About the lives that they ruin
I don’t think they know what they’re doing 
When they press the button, go
It’s Christmas and there is no snow
In the land where Christ was born
It’s rubble that drifts toward the war torn

The War And The Genius

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In the war there was a genius who 
Could do 
The math of what it needed to contain
And she decided that the rain
Only needed elevation to fall
Like you need love to break down a wall
And it’s not enough just to go over 
Because the checkpoint will stop the lover
From meeting the other side
And I hide 
In the fear of being slain
But the cost became too much to regain 
In the avenue of what you love the most
And, hell, you look like you’ve seen a ghost
In the darkness of your dream 
Who would want to be queen
And her pencil breaks as she does the sum
Of what it would take not to succumb
To the solid march of time 
What does it mean to make a thing rhyme 
And have I driven off the men
Who would have held my hand again
As I lose all that I thought I was 
It has depth because
It has broken the surface
And it may be only cursive 
But I feel it in the flow
And there are things that the people don’t know
About the way the light refracts 
The helm of the ship that won’t come back 
Even when you blow the whistle 
I asked for flowers and I got a thistle

Enchantment

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The look of men as they cross my path
And something in their stillness dulls the wrath
Of the God inside my heart 
One’s a musician, another makes art
Another studied with me in school
And we broke every rule
That night in Tripod when we 
Kissed the edge of destiny
And made two into the one we are 
He reminds me of a burning star
In its effervescent red 
And I know he took other girls to bed
But it doesn’t dim the look in my eye
Because I know that I would die
Just to see him smile
And I haven’t seen him in a while
But we are connected on a level beneath
The roads that move under our feet
Do you remember the night I chased you down
As you tried to escape to your side of town 
And we talked about having a cup of tea
As you looked over at me 
Wondering what I might mean
But you are more than the dream 
Supping oxygen in the tent
I wonder where those years went
And you threw your arm around my neck 
In the days reality seems to wreck 
With it’s assurance of get to be 
But you were everything to me
And somehow you still are 
I wonder if your heart
Is still the same hue as it always was
I needed you to know because
It’s not every day you meet upon the trail
A love that simply will not fail 
So when you look up into the sky
Know that there’s a love that will never die
And it burns for you here 
In this heart beyond the fear 
Of what they might say
You showed your cards and I play
My own onto the table so you see
That you meant the whole world to me

Have They No Mercy

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I don’t know where to start
But I know I am all heart
As I wear it on my sleeve
Quite literally, like you wouldn’t believe 
And it may be silver and gold
But there are a thousand stories never told
Like him leaving me in the ashes
Of the realm where the fire clashes
With the ice of cold that reign 
And they’re at it again
And there’s nothing that I can do
Except to write the stories of you
As you click another scene 
And it is like some kind of bad dream 
We are all living in 
And there is all manner of sin
That goes unreported 
How I wish this mission was aborted 
In its infancy
Not like the flesh and blood of illiteracy
That I read between the lines on his face
And it is a fucking disgrace
To think this could go on
And I have been silent for so long
But something calls my voice to speak 
And it’s not just because I’m weak 
That I dare to try
To cross the line of why
As the children cry
And I watch them all die
Through the pixels on a screen 
Do you hear the people scream 
When you go to sleep at night
And, no, it is not alright 
To just let it go
For the sake of spirituality and what you know 
Is right to be 
There is action that I can see
Moving the rope so taut 
Into a line where what’s sold is bought
By those who need it most
I type these keys like a ghost 
Who must haunt the halls of power 
Because they do not make me cower 
In fear and shaking skin
I just think of my love for Him 
And how He faced down the dark
And his hands bear the mark 
Of long ago in Palestine 
Now we’re living the modern day war crime
That sears the skin of children free
And if it was up to me 
I would break every gun 
But they say that everyone
Must tow the same line 
And it’s happening another time 
To crack the glass sphere 
Of the globe that, I swear, 
Has better in it to show 
But if you looked at the thing you wouldn’t know

The War Torn Grief

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The door slammed shut on another season
And there was loss without reason
As I pray for foreign press
And the wounds that they address
With just a camera and a connection
They get by with just our rejection
As we deny their pain
Shower them with acid rain
Or get lost in apathy
But those things will come back to me
If I don’t meet them where they are
And every foreign star
Was once a child of light
Now they’re bathed in the dark of night
As though floating in outer space
Is this the best the human race
Has to offer itself 
And they say that wealth
Can inoculate a person from greed
Because they have everything they need
But that’s not how it works, is it 
It’s the ones with the worst to deal with 
Who seem to have the most to give
And the aggressors won’t let anyone live
But stand in the shadows and execute
The plans they hold to keep silence mute 
And deaf and dumb to all their crimes
We’ve seen it before a thousand times
But I watch as they document 
Someone telling a child where their mother went 
In the midst of bombs 
And it only takes so long 
For a seed to grow
But it takes a lifetime to knock it, you know
And somehow in the summer sun
We will realise that we are all one
And what we do to another will reverberate 
As we keep each other in the state 
Of destruction and war torn grief
When will there be relief?

The Extricate

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The extrication of spirit from form
One minute you’re fine and the body’s warm
Next thing you notice you’re eighty two
And people are saying goodbye to you
And I must hold my head up high
And watch you die
Slowly, then all at once
Letting go of the pulse
That beats your heart so fine
The one that was in love with mine
For the season we spent in the sun
I look up and we’re still one

The Darkness Of Her Dream

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The noise is deafening but something prevails
And every ship she sets sails 
On the ocean of no return 
But she fears the burn
Of incandescence 
And my luminescence 
Is painful to a point
I smile, it knocks her nose out of joint
In her perfect picture contain
She can’t stand the rain
That falls on the valley
And no alley 
Is safe with her around
But the sound
Of brutality wipes clean
The darkness of her dream

Disturbed

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I want to be disturbed
By the little things in life
I don’t want to bury 
Myself in being a wife
To the stasis I marry
And in the lines they quote
Is a boat
I can find
On the sea of turbulence
But the ocean is deep
And so a dream
Only stirs to wake
And at the epicentre of the earthquake
You’ll find the crack in the lining
Tell me who you are defining
When you procure the rod 
That solidifies your hot bod
And I find my lullaby in the presence
Of something beyond the essence 
Of what you’ve come to know
I don’t need them to let me go
To be free
I guess the liberation is up to me

The Knot In The Stomach

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
That knot in the stomach, the one that you fray 
And, you know, since you asked, I’m not doing okay
Coz something comes and separates
The good from the bad and calls it fate
And I’m left writhing in my own admission
Do I need the permission
To wake and then find
All that we left behind 
In the summer of almost prose
And that road
Seems to disappear into the undergrowth
And I quote 
The people who used to inspire
Me when I was seventeen and on fire

New Sturdy Blue Notebook!

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So, I’ve set up a Tik Tok where I’ll be sharing random stuff!! Here’s something I made today 😊

The Lost And Found

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The lost and found 
That I don’t want around
He siphons the air
Out from my lungs like there
Is no reason to breathe
Takes away what I so generously need 
And it’s all in the sky
Does his daughter know what it is to die
When it’s sucked from her
The pure genius of what she and I were
An eon ago
When love didn’t tread the path of going slow
Amid the forest and rain
And I would go back and rewrite it again
Just to see the stars 
Instead of malfeasance and prison bars
As they gaily exclaim
You are the place we lay all the blame
And she shudders and wilts
Folds like a man in a suit wearing stilts 
To the local bar
How did she know I was all heart
In the middle of seasons
And they all have their reasons
But they never amount
To what was proclaimed on the Mount
A sermon or two
Blinded by the Light of seeing You
In manifest form
His body is hot because he is warm 
And smiles like the sun
When was it I knew that you were the one
As you shattered shards
Like a deck of playing cards
On the table we kiss
You look at me and I wonder if you miss
My stellar heart
The one that is a work of art
Amid the chains and treason
Something to believe in
Has it lasted long
Are you weathered because you are strong
Or does the weakness show
In the part that will not let me go
As the sun rises
I wonder if it knows what the prize is

Keep That Dog From His Door

.Reading time 1 minute.
Please keep that dog from his door
It visited me, now it is no more
As it crushed the carbon and coal
Into the diamond of my soul
Reborn into something new
Now I pray for each one of you
Who may have to face the dark
But in the night don’t forget the spark
That issues from your core
It clicks like a lighter til a furnace roar
Drowns out the blaze
I pray for the people the sun will save 
In the midst of ruin
I think God knows what He’s doing
But that doesn’t stop the doubt from rising
I see the ones who are barely surviving
And those who have crossed 
But everything is not lost
Even when you think it’s done
The human heart is precious, each and every one

The Fields We Know

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The dying of the light
Everything is gonna be alright 
Because the night
Only comes so that the dawn
Shows you what was never gone
And we are in a cyclical spin 
But I am always in love with Him
As, steadfast, He spans the dream
And I only know how to be a queen 
Unselfish unto the sky
And not afraid to die 
For what I Am 
Standing for what you cannot plan 
To come to be and sustain
The fields do not refuse rain

Pinprick

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She makes a pinprick to draw blood
Just to see if she could
To see if I’m still real
If I’m alive, if I feel
And it’ll heal
But I remember the shark in her eyes
When she met me that day in the car
So far away from where you are
Looking at your ship go out
Before I was submerged in my own self doubt
As it washes to shore
And I couldn’t have loved you more
But it wasn’t enough
Coz when times got tough
All the pencils failed me and broke
And I could feel my breath start to choke
On the words I spit out at you
Coz you don’t love me too
Or so they say or so she says
Coz she’s familiar with your ways
In real life
I’m just the wife
Who is too close to see
In her eyes that all he wants is me
Submerged in the subterranean wildflower bloom
And I’d know if he was in the room
Coz electricity flows from his pulse
I describe it and she revulse 
At the thought he could shock me awake
I gave it up for your sake

The Cracking Seam

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I don’t wanna be your whore
Like she did in the time before
And she’d buy anything you sell
Plies you with whiskey so you might tell
Her you love her so
But there are places you won’t go
Even for a trinket she’d offer
All you want is to suffer
Wholeheartedly
And rather smartly
You hold your hand out to me
We dance and it is free
And I wonder what it feels like to know she’s only there
Because you’re willing to pay your share
Of the coin
But you can’t solder what you want to join
Together in sweet surrender
I know you remember
Coz how could you forget
And it’s there for you yet
If you want to taste the apple that grows on the tree
You know you shouldn’t but you ask me
What it feels like to be
Still young and free
And I say it’s like sleeping outside your door
Waiting for the one you adore
To realise he loves you more
Than his story on the second floor

Not In A Month Of Sundays

.Reading time 1 minute.
He offers me the chain
And I must exchange the key in vain
And tie myself to him
Bow my head and let him win
Always coz he’s a man
And he only ever can
Reign when he has a subject
To command
And underhand 
He slides the lock
But I am not
What I appear to be
And you won’t cage the beast
That rages in me
Though she’s very blue
When she’s estranged from you
And your wilderness gaze
There’s nothing in your eyes that faze
Me when you’re true
But you lie so much it’s like it isn’t you
And you postulate
And educate
I nod my head
And I can see the bed
Light dollar signs in your eyes
But the poor guy tries
And tries to gain 
What he already has and the rain
Sings its own symphony
Do you think you can change me?

Landscape

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
She tells me I’m delusional 
To still love the thread that pull
Me from where I stood
And they say it’s in your blood
But the wood
I frequent whispers things to me
And it let me be 
Amid the chains a-binding
And there are avenues I’m finding 
Back to where we were
And you may still be with her
I just wouldn’t know 
But the knot is letting go
Into a landscape open and free
And you are standing there with me 


Photo Credit: Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash.com

Autumn Leaves

.Reading time 1 minute.
There was a girl who liked MCR
And I once wished I was her
In the blueprint match the architecture 
And I was cool but that’s just conjecture 
Of a different suppose 
And there are less travelled roads
So I took them to beat them to the punch
And I’m on my own just eating lunch
When Ruth and Christine
Find me and I wake the dream
Up from where it stood 
Robert Frost and an autumn wood
I find myself looking at leaves 
Colours and you wouldn’t believe 
What I did to keep the hue
From turning a deeper shade of blue 
But then Ken made his appearance 
I look around the clearance 
Around us as they all fall asleep 
Would you be something I could keep 
But he’s sighing into the wind 
And one of us must’ve sinned 
Coz we’ve been stalked
And the man just talked and talked 
Like silence knows no bounds
But my love is in the sounds 
Woven through the tapestry
Of all that we could be
In the midnight sky he makes
Does he hear the breath my love takes 
As I’m drinking him in
Will I ever see you again?


Photo Credit: Autumn Mott Rodeheaver on Unsplash.com

The Red Haired Devil

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There’s something in me
That doesn’t want to see the light of day
I’m surrounded 
And they ask if I’m okay
And they offer pills
And they offer potions
Coz I can’t handle 
These emotions 
And I slap their hands away
But I know what they’re gonna say
“You’re just not well
And we know you’re going through hell
So take these, please”
And I crave a just release 
So I take their ardent pleas
Like Barry on his knees
Professing to that woman
And I felt like stunning
Them all with a declaration 
Of a lion school education
But they wouldn’t get it anyway 
So I draw on the wall, okay
And they didn’t paint it over til 
A year later and I will
See it out of the corner of my eye
And someone I love die
So I spiral out of control
Let the keening take my soul 
As I scream and rail
Against the part of me that’s not for sale
So I bite the bullet they hand to me
Shoot me like it’s done for free
And I’m paralysed by indecision
And I was always good at revision
So I study the lines
And I try not to touch ‘em a thousand times 
But I’m always met with the same reflection
In the window of my confession
In front of a nurse I love
He laughs and I look above
At the Heavenly Light
He emanated and, alright
It’s not the done thing
But I don’t want a ring
Just a way out
He smiles what I’m all about


Photo Credit: Omid Armin on Unsplash.com

Intimacy

.Reading time 1 minute.
Is it futile to spill my words on paper
In the hope I’ll get famous
And you’ll see them later
And reconnect with me 
It’s been an age since I set you free
But you still mean so much and history
Lives in my soul
Somewhere you will not grow old
But I can’t be held by a line
But is it me who’s drawn it all this time
And I’d wink at you and smile
Do you wanna come with me for a while
Just a season or two
We’re making love 
Not making new 
Bodies to fill this earth
And be consumed by the hurt
That seems to issue from the core
But I just love you more 
With all the time that’s passed
Did you doubt this would last?

Is That Okay?

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
I don’t know if we are what we were
But I know I would die for her
Or live for the heaven’s breath
In the season of no regret
As we give each other space
Or relive what’s gone without a trace
In our summer skin
Do I slip in a word of him
Though I’m sure she already knows
That when it comes to love, anything goes 
And it sure sings a pretty song
In all the ways we went wrong
While trying to go right
I still love you, alright?