They did the best they knew how
And every single moment’s the Now
Or did you notice, it’s just a dream
This world of concepts and it’s always been
As the wind blows though
Do you feel the breath of God on you
And what is a name
The depths of the reverent do not change
No matter what you choose to call it
And I’m afraid I have to admit
I’ve been attached to my own religion
But too much thought makes anything a prison
And I see the light breaking through
It’s shining on a scene so new
And you could call it space or another dimension
It’s what exists when you do not mention
What you think it could be
I opened my eyes and so I see
But the function of vision is beyond comprehension 
So much more than human invention
As we perceive
Then make fortresses to what we believe
Do you think we could just let go
Of the castles of sand we build in the snow
And the rains come without delay
You can protest as they wash it away
But it won’t do you any good
Better seek out refuge from the flood
But it’s just a new dawn
And what’s in the river isn’t really gone
Only reborn and delivered anew
Have faith and trust in the peace in You

***Trigger Warning***
Mental Health

Don’t worry, I’m still prescribed to the hilt
And the flower has started to wilt 
So there’s no danger that the season destroy
When a girl wants a boy
And fifty years just burn down
And I’m stuck in the same old town 
I’ve always been 
You burst the bubble like a dream
And I can’t get out 
So to hell with doubt
As she cloys up a candle
And tells me that I’m hard to handle
When she dobbed me in 
Like I should be punished for her sin
And she cries into my face
So much for the human race
If this is what we’re dealing with
And she’s high class and full of it
To make the midnight breed a dawn
But I’ll be happier when it’s all gone 
And not long now, I wait
For love to obliterate 
All that I’ve come to know
Your holding on lets me go
And there’s a place your chains don’t reach
It’s as though you came to teach
Me your blank sound
I’m out if you’re around

Éanna’s sorry for the things that he said
But it’s not as though they chased me to bed
As I took that fateful step one night in my room
Everything disappeared and was replaced by doom
And it wasn’t his words that made the lightning crack 
Though it was long ago he can’t take them back
It was something that someone said about weird
And it was as though everything was exactly as I feared
And I walked on 
Though the world is already gone
In flagrant tones
Who do I blame for the videophones
Dictating our lives
The past rushes onwards but doesn’t survive
Now it’s years later
And an apology as you tip the waiter
Éanna’s sorry, he said it to me that time
When we were all lifted up in the moment sublime
Éanna’s sorry, I fear
I’ve got to give up on this, dear
The grievance I hold
The story I’ve told
And forgiveness and letting go
Of the hurt that resides in my heart so
Éanna’s sorry and I
Let it go and try
To be here
This moment’s all you ever have, dear
He’s sorry and I see my whole life
Bundled up in the story I told of strife
And the hard shell 
Of all too well
Is letting me go
Éanna’s sorry, I know
Was it bluster and show
As he called me out and threw a line
There’s nothing that’s not replaced by time
As I try and fail to think of something to say
I nod and just let it be okay
That the break of day might come after this night
That there is a place that I am alright
Éanna’s sorry, just see
He’s looking to me
For forgiveness and exude
His old attitude
Do I hold it against him for the rest of time
Do I turn away or just say I’m fine
Éanna’s sorry and real
Is the way that I feel
To know that the age
Is a drawing on page
In another form
Do I accept the end of the storm?
Or stay with the pain
The standing out in the pouring rain
The years in the hollow
The people I follow
He’s sorry and it’s as though if I 
Forget that I ever break down and cry
Alone, in my room
With nobody knocking or coming soon
Éanna’s sorry and life
Has let go of strife
And hugged me close
With the power of what I love the most
In gentle tones
You’re not alone
And people care
Nonchalant is just something they wear
Until the time the heart will show
I’m all about love so I let you know
That we’re cool, we’re alright
I guess this marks the end of the fight

It’s not my fault that I couldn’t measure up to sky
I can only read the reasons as they play out in your eye
And your forest looks so lonely but it’s where I want to be
The moment that you choose the one to want, it’s me
And the seasaw was so scary as it monument the place
I could only feel the air as I’m running through open space
That’s what it is to be three and terrified
It was years til the reason came to be described
And I’m done with all my fighting, all my warring to be first
And I’ve tried a million times and still it’s not rehearsed
Just something new that springs from within every time
And I can’t find an answer so I learned to make it rhyme
And they leave it by the shore coz they know that I’ll be there
And I’ve always loved the colour of my deep dark brown hair
As it frames a face that I didn’t pick
And a mind so sharp it could leave a nick
And the awesome’s only sometimes as I’m balling rope and twine
I don’t know if when they ask they know that I’ll be fine 
Coz I don’t have a clue why there’s pain beneath my chest
And you were always the one I thought knew me best
But it’s been years since we’ve talked and longer since the confide
I just have to be happy that we still abide
And stay stellar in the vision of each other’s hearts to hold
This story’s long and winding but it never has been told
As you star into the camera with that look of errant pain
And I fall down on knees and beg you once again
To heal the bridge between us so we can converse 
Not sit like we’ve been hit and the storm’s just getting worse
And I wonder if you read this what would you say and do
Would you see the colossal that I’ve made of you
Like a bird to soar unbidden and unbound
Is my soul inside when you are around
And I’ve got to come to terms with the fact that you’ve been gone
And I can only hide my true feelings for so long
And you must come to see what’s always been in plain sight
Me sailing a ship and you in full flight
And I can only ask you sometimes what you mean to me
Coz you’re quick with your wit and it has a grip that’s free
As the awning, as the chasm, as the deep black hole
Makes manifest a life that dips as the waves roll
And if you ever need somebody, a friend to call your name
You can give me a buzz because I’m still the same
And the only thing that’s changed is scenery I describe
In the years that I meander still full and alive
And I always thought that childhood was the land of colour
The adults seemed to inhabit somewhere rather duller 
But now I’m thirty one on the brink of another age
And it’s all that I can do to rifle through a page
And find what I’ve been needing in a wrinkle or a tome
Instead of standing on the strand and clicking home
To never find the answer just the longing that sears
And the moment of honesty, precise as the time nears
To spill all my secrets like ink upon the floor
I let you go in love but I just want you more 
And the monuments you build to another time
Only spell out the reason how you must be mine
Though we are nothing more than a trickle through the wall
I can feel the flood behind it pushing through it all
To come out with sudden strength and let the secrets go
The dawn of a new earth as I let the river flow 

I grew up with dark Catholicism
It cast a shadow wherever it looked 
Like you’re on trial and your place is booked 
In a sea of unforgiveness
And he who must not be named 
But if it’s all the same 
I shirk the cloak from my shoulder 
And the boulder 
I’ve been rolling up this hill
Is let go of and time to kill
Is now 
The Great Release, somehow 
And the devil hatches plots 
While the authorities play slots 
And cast lots
For his clothes 
But everybody knows 
Jesus will triumph and Jesus is King
But where were You when I lost everything 
“I carried you, child”
And I used to be wild
Now I’m merely mild 
And meek and humble 
But do you hear destiny rumble 
With the full force of design 
I opened my eyes 
And the Prince was mine

Shuffling papers on a desk 
You look at me and the dream is wrecked 
Coz it can’t touch my essence, my soul
But the waves of mind continue to roll
And I told Dr. Power, by hook or by crook
I’m not taking those meds, I don’t give a fuck
But he won that particular battle of wills
He’s got all the backup and psychiatric skills
And a threat in the undertone to air 
You’ve got ninety days to get outta there
Or you’ll be displaced 
Into a quieter room of distaste 
And I fear ECT
Though I’m told that “treatment” isn’t for me
I see Teresa’s blank eyes after the procedure 
And I wonder what lies do they feed her 
To gain her consent
Though I’m told that’s not the way it all went
As seizures are a mystic’s disease
One I partake of, I fell to my knees 
Some years hence
I told him but he’s still a little dense 
Epilepsy,
We’ll scan your brain so we can see
If that’s why you’re weird (we mean, unwell)
I tell them they can go to hell
If they’re not in it already
And I am rock steady
As I stand on the step of room sixteen
What does it mean if I break forth a scene 
And Shauna’s eyes and her wrists 
Til I realise why a place like this exists
To house the mentally ill 
But it’s emotional pain that’s more likely to kill
And I see it etched on arms 
Hear the bells of false alarms 
Continue to ring
And they think I’m down and everything 
As I get so thin coz I cannot eat
But it’s not for the want of a maker to meet 
It’s coz I can’t keep it down
I feel like retching when I hear the sound
Of the end of the Earth
Like a needle to dial, this ain’t gonna hurt
So I give in
Let them win
My friends, my foes
And my family, God knows
Isn’t ready for this
When I picked a pair of lips to kiss
And marry a soul
It’s only luck if you get old

They’re trying to explain the music
But could you say that you choose it
When you hear a flair drum kick
And the words that they just play with
As it’s birthed into existence
Cutting through the layers of resistance
And a moment you’re quiet then you’re all rock
Living through what they say you’re not
As the teenage in you grows strong
And everything is just so wrong
Why the hell don’t I belong
But I’m alive when I hear that song
And they can call me what they like
I’m okay but I’m not alright
Coz this rhythm’s the beat
The waters and the sands meet

Time’s getting short
Years are getting long
And there’s nowhere I 
Really belong
And I’ve got this pounding
In my head
That’s saying
You can do better, kid
As I see the things
I shoulda done
By now coz I know
I am the one
Who can make a difference
With the dream I hold
And the streets are paved
In solid gold
While those with nothing
Just go poor
Hungry with 
All they’re for
And we can remake the show
There are places where nobody go
But there are hands 
That are willing to hold
Those whose story 
Has never been told
And utter a new sentence 
Into the sky
There’s a reason
Why I’m willing to die
For all that I believe
It’s as though the way is already made
And I’m just wasting time
In the years I’ve saved
Holding back the river
That wants to rush forth
And I be myself
With no remorse
It doesn’t matter if
They don’t understand
It’ll unfold 
And it’ll all be grand

When Deirdre splintered the ash
She took the money and ran with the cash
As the Sun struck the stone
And I was never alone
In the great swathe
I was saved 
From a fate worse than death
But my greatest regret
Is that I can’t mend the sea
And I must live with what she’s taken from me
And I fight and I struggle to get away
From what was born that day
The sinking feeling, the weight of dread
Let’s not be friends, that’s what she said
Because I can’t relate to you
Everyone else is what I’m sticking to
And I was only too pleased to give her what she wants 
But something within me still haunts 
My waking hours 
And the powers 
Of all that be
Are continuously putting pressure on me
To turn that carbon into gem
The diamond and me are talking again 
About how the weight solidifies 
And changes shape before your eyes 
Into an enlightened stance 
As the wind watches the leaves dance 
On the screen of life
Somebody’s wife
Is calling over the hill
I never knew Death til the Holy Will
Took me under its sacred wing
Says I must give up everything
To be true
Foremost in that is my grudge against you 
And what I hold 
Can never be transmuted into gold
If it don’t give way
Can I find equanimity in what you say


Photo Credit

I was a teen
And the dream
Seemed to flick out of existence 
And resistance 
Arose 
Who am I to be the one He chose
He gives me a road
And asks me to walk
I said; here now, let’s talk
But it’s a silent stare
And I care
So NYC burns a hole in my pocket
Then I find a man to put in a locket
But I can’t bear to stay
Or tolerate the going away
I scream out to God
Who am I 
And the sky 
Reply
With a magnitude reverberate
And the moon is in on this state
As it pulses like the sea
That is the road underneath me 
The oblivion and the fabric
Pulls away to reveal the tragic
Is a mere play of light
And I am alright
And don’t need to mourn
Or wear a look so forlorn 
Coz we must depart
The body that made our heart start
It’s untimely bliss 
And the First Kiss
Was more than lips 
It was an eclipse 
And Eck gives voice to the state
The time is Now so don’t wait
As the sand pours through
But Here will always hold you
No matter how the hourglass slip
You were born to make this trip
Not a slow trudge to the grave 
Living like you’re routine’s slave 
I set out from the shore
And I wonder what loves me more
The Universe or the sky
Or the space into which I die 
And move as open air
And the person that seemed to be there
Was just an appearance of consciousness 
A manner of being, a state of dress
That I must one day set aside
But something abide
In all notions of truth
Surrendering the things of youth
To sweet dissolution
And the confusion
Gives way to peace
Every moment is release
Into what you ever are
A black hole was once a star

I was watching the clock
Til it hit four 
Then I would walk back to Roebuck hall
And Rob would come to call
On his lady
Til she turned a little bit shady
And I could see his solemn heart
Turn to ice 
And start to beckon the snow
But something of love did not let go
Then fast forward a year or so
And his friend and I go toe to toe 
He ignores me and I wonder 
Why the sound of my thunder 
Does not reach his ears
Is it the tears
That echo through my years
Coz the secret that I keep
Is that I shattered in my sleep
Somewhere in February of 2009
I saw death and the crime 
Followed me round 
Til the sound 
Of calamity was all I could hear
I all but screamed when what I hold dear
Threatened to disappear
So I burst out of the door 
And ran and ran 
Til I found a space that can
Be the room to contain 
That mountain of forest pain
That seems to empty the sky of its rain
And I was at Snow Patrol with Caroline 
As the etching started to rhyme
Itself against the inside of my soul
My last memory of being whole 
In Gary’s company
I degenerated and my dignity
Was all I could hold onto
That and the memory of you
But suddenly it’s him and I
He’s blazing and my 
Soul seems to be warmed 
Should I tell him how the seasons stormed 
But he just smiles 
And though I’ve been going for miles and miles 
The tiredness fades
Does he know what he saves 
When he grabs me in my dress
And I no longer have to guess 
Where his feelings lie
Is it wrong to lean and I 
Am swept up in his soul so warm
It’s almost as if I am born
Back into who I used to be
I hid it then but I hope you see
What you did for me 
I wander into the zone 
And I’m studying all alone 
When I notice the gang of lads 
Across the room and the best I’ve never had
Is somewhere in the fold 
And the light shone like gold 
So I sat by the other Rob
And looked up to your guy like it was my job
Just to confirm the state 
That was on my dinner plate
What did I stumble into
Am I meaningful in the heart of you
And what does he advise
That all of my love is lies 
Or that it is an artful disguise
I can tell you none of the above 
It is a shelter and a white dove
Meets your eyes and I see
You’ve all been discussing me
Mortified I rise
And mutter something about french fries 
And an empty stomach calling
I could be cool, I could be balling
But I’m just outta here 
What’s the verdict on me, dear
I stride through the halls of Quinn
But why don’t I just open up to him? 
Now it’s ten years later and the dice 
Seems to utter that it’s right
To spill the beans 
You were cool and my dreams 
Always seemed to hinge on you
I picked myself up coz you needed me to
And chased you down just to say
You and I will be okay
And if you’d like 
We could be part of each other’s life 
I don’t know if you
Will ever hear these words but I wanted to 
Utter them just to say
I’m not the bulletproof, I’m just here to stay
And you’re more dreamboat than you know 
Something of this will not let go
So whether in the snow 
That hemmed us in
Or in the games we’ll never win
The strength of soul 
Is still young when we get old 
As you are in I
My love, my love will never die

If there’s a loving God why did he create hell
Is it excommunication or just not knowing you well
Coz I see you on the verge of every tip I love to talk
Fascinated in my mind by the way that you walk
As if those two shoulders hold some kind of weight
I can see them start to buckle under heavy fate
So I reach out and grab a hand
We lock eyes; you’ll be grand
And I would die and sacrifice a thousand times
Just to pen you poetry that fit with your rhymes
And the darkness cascades
But you’re the one that it saves
For me 
I love you so much more, I’m free
With the steady beam of headlight gaze
Did you deepen the hue or did I just colour the page
The shade of blue you are to me
Some unspeakable mystery
That blurs all the lines between good and okay
It’s not in what he does or does not say
It’s the vulnerability and the honest truth
The softness I felt in my youth
To hold your hand 
And sit beside your slipping sand
Til the hourglass crack
Now I want you back
For eternity
I scrawl in my diary
A name that I’ll keep
Wake, brother bear, it’s no time for sleep