Tag: pain

Empire

.Reading time 1 minute.
There is an empire nobody sees
And it has everyone on their knees
Struggling to make ends meet
As people try to die on their feet
Through the beauty blogs
Or the city that the pollution smogs
But never good enough is the refrain
And you can only ever paper over the pain 
As we try to keep everything in frame 
So we can keep up with a name
That we have identified as ours
And the powers 
That be pull tight on the rein
As someone else takes the blame 
For what is beyond the pale 
You can’t buy what is not up for sale 
And I watch the horrors encompass the whole
And you may not be able to steal their soul 
But you sure can make their body hurt
Make them long for death and what’s worse
Is you do it in the name of the free
But you sure as fuck do not do it for me 
As I balk and retreat 
And admit total defeat
In a war that can’t be won
Watch a mother sacrifice her son 
For some hidden clause 
The video skips when I hit pause 
On the show 
And I cannot let go 
Of everything I’ve come to be
And a man down on one knee
Is not my salvation 
Neither is my education 
So pulverised and perfect, true 
But I didn’t do it for you 
As I let the wind go slack 
The years you waste you can’t get back

The Old Dark Machine

.Reading time 1 minute.
The old dark machine pulls and it shakes
It shudders when the earth quakes 
Entertaining no form of rain 
Though the ground is wet in vain 
And no grass grows up to meet
The pavement that they call a street 
And somehow I see it in her eyes
The part of her that dies 
Every time the house is empty 
And I was just a girl of twenty 
When I realised
That everybody dies 
Slowly but not all the same 
Some are not even given a name 
As in their mother’s womb they lie
And she in grief because they try and try
For so long to bequeath a child 
Now all they’re left with is the wild 
Of the Burren sparse and grey
Though beauty in its own way
Will rise up through the crevice crack 
From a life they can’t get back 
As they grasp and struggle and refrain 
I didn’t know that I could forgive the pain 

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Letting Love, Letting Go

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Death stalks even the most fertile of land
I would go as far as to say you can only understand
Life if you’ve had a little loss
Not just make up and candy floss
To keep yourself looking young 
And your song is sung 
When you’re eight one 
And looking in the mirror
That girl you once were, do you hear her
“She was a good age”, that’s what they say
But I still blame God for taking you away
Just a little too soon
And I’m in the room
And I’m crying, screaming
And if I am only dreaming 
Then why does it hurt so much
Why does it feel that all the love
I’ve ever had has departed 
No second chances, only heavy hearted
Ways and means
And moonbeams
Sing to me of you
Something about white light and what it can do
To free a soul 
I know you were old 
And I was twenty nine 
And I should be fine
But I’m not
So I take the last shot
That has ever been fired
And I only fall asleep when I’m tired 
From all the crying and wailing against 
What God whispers to me is heaven sent
And she never had to experience covid or crisis 
Had angels around her when she shut her eyelids
And it’s selfish but the pain 
Is the only thing that remain 
In me for you 
Because all the blue
Of the sky has absorbed you in 
And maybe now you are with him 
Somewhere in the serene 
And seventeen 
Is come again 
When you lose someone, a really good friend
But you find yourself among the debris
And if anyone is looking for me
You should let them know 
That I always follow where you go 
And into the mystic, into the free
I’m still here but something has left me
Like a bomb shattered house that loses its frame 
Like a sage who goes by a different name 
Like the winter that bursts into spring
Like waking up to everything 

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The Ancient War

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There’s a dead in her eyes
That nothing can disguise 
But it always lit up when she looked at me
Didn’t think that I would ever be
The reason why the curtains close
As she follows me down the road
To nowhereland
And it’s all sand 
That just gathers at my feet
An hourglass when we meet
Somewhere in between
And if it’s all a dream 
Then why are we crying 
Over the people that are dying 
Left right and centre
And so I enter 
The hallowed halls
Of the people who can walk through walls 
And the longing calls
Me to let go of the line
That had me doing hard time
In a crater not of my making 
And all the people that I’m forsaking 
When I take that pill 
And it will kill
If I keep on keeping on 
So I have to get gone 
And on the road
Her carriage slowed
Just to take a look at me
And she never sees the free 
I’ve come to be 
Only ever the apparent chains 
The sunlight reflects upon when it rains
And who gains
When everything is lost
Don’t we all just pay the cost
For the brutal tide
That means we are alive
Because we can feel 
Everything that’s real 
And vital and true 
And just because the colour blue 
Is sad and lonely
Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me 
Anytime you want 
I change the font
To match my mood
Meanwhile you just sit and brood
Over a perceived slight 
But you are alright
Aren’t you, aren’t you
I daren’t ask lest it be true 
That the fields are green far past the slide
Of what it means to be alive
And they click go on the PowerPoint 
And I never want to leave the oint-
Ment powder red 
What goes on inside a person’s head
Is the least of what they are 
I look up and see that star 
Shining over my crucifixion 
My errant ways and my eviction 
From the stable then 
I just don’t want to go through that again 
Not for even the best of men 
So I take what they offer 
And the coffer
Is full 
But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool 
They use to mask 
Everything they cannot ask 
Me now the ship has sailed 
The chain linked fence and I impaled 
Over the least of crimes
My only solace in these rhymes
That never lead to the sea
What is it that you are asking of me 
Once more, arís
Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast
But she wasn’t invited 
And so the war ignited 
The gunpowder flame 
That only ever lands upon a name  

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Ripped From His Mother’s Arms

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I watch the Palestinian children die
And why do I get to cry
When their eyes are dry 
And a parent weeps over the corpse 
While soldiers laugh with no remorse 
And the commanders drop another bomb
Where has our humanity gone 
Do we not see ourselves in the other 
See our sister and brother 
In every battered storm front of war 
And I just look at her
And see the death that I know
The pain life has visited upon me slow
That must be experienced by the masses
Or as they’re designated - the lower classes
While I sit and sup my tea
Knowing full well that it could be me 
If I lived a hundred and eighty years ago 
When the British starved us slow 
To death 
And there is a memory that does not forget
It’s held like generational pain 
And I resonate with the acid rain 
That falls from white phosphorus plumes
Into lungs and living rooms
And burns into skin and sears 
People with images of those they hold dear 
Suffering and crucified
In every single one who’s died
Is the hidden heat 
Of the love that makes my heart beat 
And no claims of anti-semetic
Can make me subscribe to the rhetoric 
That justify the claims of war
When the dust settles what will all this be for 
And will we survive another spin of the wheel 
That makes us deny what we feel 
So we are capable of 
The worst of what I’ve listed above 

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Losing The Love Of My Life

.Reading time 2 minutes.
What is the call of New York
And why is there a fork 
In the road and on the table 
And I am not able 
To leave it all behind 
Even if I must go out of my mind
Or be labelled as such 
Because I love you so much 
And I couldn’t be there when you died
Because the man asked me how I am and I cried
So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again 
And it may be the will of men
To contain what they don’t understand 
But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, 
I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí”
And even though my broken knee
Falls to the floor
I know there’s more
Than just screaming into the air
“She’s not there, she’s not there”
And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall
And they console me but I fall 
Into their lap and rebel against the constraint
Of being okay with the colour she paint
Because everyone has their own way
But I must do what she say
If I’m not to be medicated
And I may be educated 
But it has been the work of my life
To make sure I don’t become a wife
And go down with the ship 
Or the forests that they equip 
With cutting trees
And the birds and the bees 
Buzz around my head
But I would give it all up just to lay in bed
And mourn 
And look forlorn 
Because all that shattered glass
Never got me an A in class
It only ever drew blood
Now I’m standing in the wood
Trying to catch the soul that escape 
And the red cape 
Couldn’t stop the passage of time 
And my only crime 
Was trying to pause the air
Now I look at your chair and you’re not there

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The Words And What They Do Not Mean

.Reading time 1 minute.
She can’t stop running interference
And though I held her dear once
I can’t keep up this spin
Why don’t you keep that aspect of yourself for him
Like you’ve been trained to do 
But I never will be you
In all this mountainous thunder
And taking a number
To be what you are
Has every star
Been categorised
And every sunset a way the day dies
I don’t know about your aching pain
As it tries to force me to stand in the rain 
Because you got wet
From a time you cannot forget
All the lights shine
But forever will never be mine
As long as I pick up after you 
I feel cold at the sound of your laughter too
Because it rings of disdain 
And your aching stain 
On the carpet or sheet 
There must have been a reason we meet
By universal design 
But know that I cannot call mine
What only pulverises 
And she surmises 
That I’m cutting, direct 
The words she hurls haven’t changed me yet
But I just feel this sigh
Coming on like a longing goodbye
As I wonder why
She never understood jack
And now she cannot take it back 

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Beautiful Disaster

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I found beauty in the trauma
And the flora and fauna 
Were hidden from me 
In the dark forest of history
And she enclosed me with a snare
It was almost as if I wasn’t there 
When she sent the splinter into my side
Did she really not want me to be alive
Because she did her best to trump the card
Did she realise she made things so very hard
And I was just a teen 
But I wanted to exit the dream 
By any ways and means 
And I’m sewing a dress but the seams
Keep busting and they won’t fit 
And there are no boys I want to hit
On anymore
The dark expanse was the door 
Into a greater purveyance
And the conveyance
Was suffering and pain 
Til I opened my arms to the rain 
And instead of getting wet
A sun broke that I cannot forget 
In my darkest night
I became the light 
Of the only and ever one
If you feel you are coming undone 
Then you are on the right track
And somehow I cannot go back 
To what I was
I know this because
I have tried
And I hide
My new found skin
With everyone except with him 
He just touched me paper thin 
And I realised destiny was a sin 
I long to make with his touch 
And I love him so very much 
Though he may never know
I thought he should so I let the bird go
And fly across the sea
To where he lay in grey mystery 
Just pondering a solace
But it was a volatile
Explosion in the moment of us
And though it hurt I still trust 
In the infinity that we are 
If you burn then let that star
Combust in its own atmosphere 
That’s how you know that God is near

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Wrecking Ball

.Reading time 1 minute.
There was a demon I saw in her 
It let go and destroyed what we were 
And it’s belligerence knocked buildings and homes
Til I was in a room crying all alone 
And trying to find even keel 
Because of all this weight that I feel
And I try to tell souls but they don’t care
Or they don’t understand because they weren’t there
When it all went down 
As she screams into her cup
And I have had enough
Of that rejection
So I depart from natural selection
And find my own ground
It is a peaceful sound 
In my room all alone
And I lock the darkness out of my phone 
Because I gravitate 
Towards the light that equivocate
The messes I have made
And if you’re a tree do you love shade
Just because that’s what you cast
I didn’t think this thing would last
So very long 
And I know I look strong
But the wind knows the weakness in my knees
The foibles in what I believe 
To be true
Why do I still trust you?

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They Can’t Bring Me Down

.Reading time 1 minute.
They can’t bring me down
Not with their hospital gown 
You know the one that I wear
When the fabric tear
On my suit
And I must be the proof 
Of what I want to hear
Must I hold dear 
The days in subterfuge
When everything’s the colour rouge
On the page
The shade of rage 
That pulls apart the sun 
And you know the one 
Is made to beat a heart 
Tearing all the stars apart
In the firmament where they lie 
I am not afraid to die
But to be caught
In a place where my spirit’s bought
By all and sundry 
And it’s quite the quandary
To be lilt bound around the halls
Of a place that is all walls
In brick and stone
I hear the ancients scream “leave me alone”
As behind the barrier some horrors are contained
I feel it in the pain
That emanate 
From the people in that state 
And there are souls that walk the corridor
Down to the art room on the first floor 
And there’s no way to say
That it isn’t me, okay
Because when I speak of vision 
They meet me with derision 
And false grandiosity 
It must be my animosity 
Reaching out to take a bite
Of my own kryptonite 
Does that mean I’m Clark Kent
Or the space where the hero went

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The Clasp

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I broke the clasp 
Because she didn’t ask 
Me to be who I am 
She had another plan
So I pulled the plug
Now I am on their favourite drug
As I struggle to find 
The part of me I left behind 
When I left her for dust
Amid the tyre tracks and broken trust
And it was hell 
In the days she didn’t wish me well 
The tide, it turned
And something burned 
Inside me 
But some how the light it find me 
And now I’m looking back 
On the attack 
And it seems different somehow
Because I allow
Her to walk all over me 
But, eventually, I let her go free
To find her own direction 
Though I didn’t expect the insurrection 
To arise
And everybody dies 
But sometimes something rise
To meet the pain
And I would do it again 
If I had to 
But I wanted you
To realise
That there are blue skies 
In your darkest foe
I didn’t hate you, I just let you go 
To find your own path
And you may believe in God’s wrath
But I could never find 
That space inside the mind
I had to believe in truth 
And live the passion of my youth
Do I equivocate 
And stand in my place 
Like a good child 
Did you not love me wild 
And free as a bird 
What is it that you heard 
When I spoke to you 
I hope life has been kind to you 
But if it hasn’t 
Know that there’s a space that maddens 
Even those with an even keel 
You are not what you feel

The Crash And The Bang

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There was a crash and a bang
And then the phone rang
To say that he had died
And I screamed out and cried
And the memory of it sings
Like a bullet in my back and things
Were never the same after that 
Because I can’t get his light back
As it leaves his shape
I watch the soul escape
The body I thought I knew
And what if I never see you
Ever again
You were the best of men
And you would get that look that would lock
Into my gaze and I would take stock 
Of the moment that we held 
Like out on the mountain that morning as dawn broke its shell
Or the time I took a video recorder
And filmed you looking into the border
That bridges the place between you and I
I was eleven when the sigh
Escaped your lips
And my own eclipse
Began with a swathe of rage
I decided not to use a page
To document my anguished sobs
Because that would be to rob
Some of my pain from me 
And what would be left of our history
The one with Ireland on the wall
You had cut it out or you walking down the hall
In the middle of the night when all was quiet
Just a door gently shutting on the riot
That cascaded my dreams
A grandfather that isn’t all he seems
Because he is a whole life away
And I’m just starting mine, what do you say
That everything will be okay
And you love Granny and that day
You held a candle as you depart
And it nearly breaks my heart
Watching her watching you go
Why did God make us for this so
To love and to say goodbye 
I don’t mean to always cry 
When I think of twenty two years ago
It’s just I promised that the low
Would bring me a high 
And I feel you in the sky
As I gaze into a scene 
And ask God to wake the dream
Up if He possibly could 
So I walk alone in the wood
At the back of our land
Until something takes my hand 
And leads me to a monument 
That points to the place the person went 
And how could hell be heaven sent 
I swear and I eff and blind 
But it doesn’t bring me respite from the mind
That tears me into treachery 
Look your love is not lost in me
It’s just fading into eternity
One you will come to know
My surrender will not let you go

The Weight Of Pain

.Reading time 1 minute.
The weight of pain tries to find me again
And it would search anywhere it could 
Find me in that wood
Because the great and the good
Have no concern
For the way the people burn
Under the might of empire
And the fire 
Is not something I can put out
Under this self doubt 
As I avoid
Catching the eyes of the boys
As they try to catch mine
But I will not do hard time 
Trying to be someone’s version of love
When I’ve been always been obsessed with above
And I can feel the tendrils curl 
Around the frame of the girl
So I abandon her to the ether 
I will not be woman either 
I am not somewhere in between
I am awake to the dream 
Where we live in duality 
And our reality
Is conditioned by the thoughts we entertain
And the rain
Only falls on fields that are green 
Eyes only open once you’ve seen

The Wonder And The Dance

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There is wonder in the dance
And you think about a second chance
To do everything over
But would you take it if you didn’t know her
And had to live the death again 
The taking away of women and men 
And I know I may be traumatised
By a past life where people died
Beyond my control 
And there is a shake, rattle and roll 
That soothes my soul 
Like an old car on the way to the Mega Bowl 
To celebrate a birthday or two
Eleven years old and walking with you
Into our teens 
And all the screams 
Fall silent sometimes 
There was horror in this childhood of mine
As I lay in my bed and dreamed
Then woke up paralysed and screamed
And ran out of the doors 
Into the light and love implores
Me to just take it easy
But I’ve never been so breeze
As I was at twenty two
Just after discovering you
And the lightness held 
In the depths that weld 
Themselves to my heart 
I know it’s about the taking part 
But somehow I’ve always wanted to win
The prize, the guys, the loyalty of him 
But it doesn’t work that way
And all I can really say
Is that the writing has called me since I was yay high 
And I know the people die
In foreign lands 
At the hands 
Of those who claim to be just
And broken dust 
Falls like paper burnt to cinders 
Ashen and my fingers limber 
Yearn to call them out 
Like darkness in my own self doubt
Is the world on a turning point to see
That good can be bad when it isn’t me 
And I would never do you wrong
But when people belong
To a tribe and dwell
They can inflict all kinds of hell
On those who have no way to defend 
The hearts that break only to mend
Themselves in solid steel
Can you blame the way they feel 
When they suffer in the rubble
And the ground shakes to signal trouble 
In the outer sphere 
If your compassion doesn’t extend to fear
Then is it real 
And can I heal 
And be the wholeness to embrace
The people that the pain deface
And I watch his eyes
As a child cries 
Before his lens 
Is it too late to make amends 
And ask for a ceasefire to be held 
I know the North of Ireland well
And somehow it has been a fragile peace
Not watching another youth decease
In the wreckage of flame 
Everyone has a name 
That they go by
To their loved ones and the lie
Is that there is no way to be 
When you’re running from history

All The Doors I Close

.Reading time 2 minutes.
All the doors I close 
And the people I lose behind them, God knows 
And the first time I committed that crime
Was when a girl was way outta line
She stepped on my toes 
And got in my way, God knows
And the harder I fought my corner 
The more visceral the way she would forlorn ya
So I let the rope go slack
When she said “I don’t know want you back”
And instead of pleading my case
I set the dial to erase
And burned up the photo and memory
Of everything we used to be
All the laughter and the wit
For the sake of the pain and how she hit
It hard with sudden force 
And justifications and no remorse 
And I, so mild and meek
Would be the highlight of her week
Until I crossed her temper 
And the onslaught, I remember 
How she turned friends to foes
Whispers of things only she knows
Til that girl blanks me in the hall
And another puts up a wall
Where there used to be open hands 
And I’m a stranger in these lands
Because I’ve only ever known friends
But we will not make amends 
In this calamitous affair
You wonder do I care
And I do, more than you know
That’s why I’m letting you go
Because your pincers snap
And my map
Had not known this terrain
As I fight the worst of you in vain
And sometimes still
The picture of us never will
Live up to Reality
I’m better off without you and me

That Leaden Feeling

.Reading time 1 minute.
To find that she doesn’t slake the lust
Lost in cobwebs of broken trust
And you look at me with a sigh
Coz you just want me to die
In the bed I’ve made for myself
And blame the tragedy on poor mental health 
So you are free to do as you wish
And never is our first kiss
To quell the storm
Do you keep a body warm
When you’re lost in pain
In agony and the rain
Clatters against the window 
But no Cathy to let her in though
As I quote a novel from centuries ago
Healthcliff was kinda mean though
Though the eternal rocks beneath
Resemble the pavement that make up the street
And concrete boots as I walk to you
Would you wear another’s shoe 
Just so you could find a mile
Leads you to break a smile 
As you see a new dawn
In a place where the person’s gone

Memories Of A Subterfuge

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I still remember the laughter of Doireann Fox
Or the way Macken undid all the locks 
The way the hills just cascade
With the joy of the girl they’ve saved
And I got full high on the scene 
But I was kicking it with a wonder dream
As everything is fluorescent light
The vibrant colours to ignite
What I saw in a storm
And when the air is heavy you get warm
But it’s too close in stifling heat
The crack of lightning at my feet
The year Deirdre broke my heart
Took everything, tore it apart
And left me reeling for an age
So I took refuge on the page
As I transcribed a degree of hell
Like Taylor Swift and All Too Well
In monuments to that time
I collapsed and all was fine
So I woke up to the day
The light within that cannot stay
Coz it can’t go anywhere
The sheet of me that it tear
Until I grow to realise
What is behind each pair of eyes
And Ciara is a steady hand
She looks at me and I am grand
Coz she so deeply understand
The winter that I had not planned
Or Sinéad in rocks and stone
With her I am not alone
As she regaled what was said
It’s all just torment in my head
The firing cinders, the blistering heat
The feeling that I cannot meet
Even one more day of time
Then I blinked out of what was mine
And into a sunshine that will brew
It all reflects the heart of you
Into ever deepening soul 
The school of cool as the waves roll

Unspeakable Mystery

.Reading time 1 minute.
If there’s a loving God why did he create hell
Is it excommunication or just not knowing you well
Coz I see you on the verge of every tip I love to talk
Fascinated in my mind by the way that you walk
As if those two shoulders hold some kind of weight
I can see them start to buckle under heavy fate
So I reach out and grab a hand
We lock eyes; you’ll be grand
And I would die and sacrifice a thousand times
Just to pen you poetry that fit with your rhymes
And the darkness cascades
But you’re the one that it saves
For me 
I love you so much more, I’m free
With the steady beam of headlight gaze
Did you deepen the hue or did I just colour the page
The shade of blue you are to me
Some unspeakable mystery
That blurs all the lines between good and okay
It’s not in what he does or does not say
It’s the vulnerability and the honest truth
The softness I felt in my youth
To hold your hand 
And sit beside your slipping sand
Til the hourglass crack
Now I want you back
For eternity
I scrawl in my diary
A name that I’ll keep
Wake, brother bear, it’s no time for sleep

Volcanic

.Reading time 2 minutes.
You can blame me for a century
It’s never gonna make less of me
And you’ve always been something I’ve looked up to
And you’re still hella blue
Like an ocean so deep or a canyon so proud
You don’t need to speak to make something loud
And you’ve got an intricate soul to weave
When you used to say something I would just believe
But now you’re so quiet and absent a stare
It’s hard to know if you’re even there 
Or if I’m just holding out hope
And I know there were days you tried to cope
And sometimes you didn’t manage but you kept your head up
And we don’t need the fireworks to call it love 
Coz you’ve always got a heat that simply burns
Like the earth on an axis around the sun it turns
And I’m left ajar like a door that you’ve opened
And I may have said a thing or two about my elopement
With a boy I don’t really know
But he’s been everywhere I seem to go
And he’s not your superior but he may be your equal
And this midnight might just be a sequel
To a story that begun an eon ago
I just thought that you should know
So I slipped paper planes out between the crack
Of light to say I want him back
And I never really let go of what held me tight
I will be the forest we both ignite
With our cacophonous flame that makes a furnace roar
I watch my spirit fly as you soar
And the rivers pay testament to
The source that was me and you

Glasses And The Lens

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The control and the weariness 
As I trek down the path they mark
But I think they’re stumbling in the dark
Trying to cut a swathe 
I was a person the darkness saved 
From being a rote learned bitch
It saw me open and made the switch
Now I’m the nothingness expanse
The emptiness when it starts to dance 
And there is no way to compare
What was to what isn’t there 
And Mooji says we’re cool
And I graduated from school
With the best I could 
I swore I would leave that wood 
Behind with my peace of mind 
As Tru spoke to me and I took it to heart
There was a life which depart
And I met another pair of eyes
That looked at me with no disguise 
And he is the Heaven and Earth to me
It’s fifteen years and I let him see
That a gravity in his bones 
Walked me right out of my alones 
And she was by my side
I dunno why I thought to hide 
What was real and raw
From the viciousness of an outlaw
Who abides not in time
It’s all I can do to make it rhyme
Zippered in a tent so tight
And I wonder if we’re alright
In the place it hurts
I don’t want to make it worse
But I think you need to hear it from me
I take off my glasses and now I see

The First Kiss

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The love pulses in my veins
And I can’t get enough of refrains
Even as it causes me pain
I do it again and again and again
I love too much to be let go
I love you and I hope you know
Coz it burns like a holy fire
It hurts but it takes me higher
Could this be the Spirit nothing can contain
Like clouds fail to hold the rain
When they are too full and heavy
And I was born ready
Ready for this
Could forever be my first kiss

Love The Sun

.Reading time 1 minute.
The diary of me
Is something you’ll never see
Cos you scribbled on the page
And hit me with your rage
Fed me slowly piece by piece
To the war I cannot make cease
And she strides in with her tide
Tells me I’m alive
And what she would do to make it more so
But I just want her to let it go
Coz it’s brutality 
Though she never see
Exactly what she does to me 
In the name of love
Or at least the kind she’s thinking of 
Obedient to a fault
And I got locked inside the vault
With only T for company
And they expect me to abandon at a flaw
The heat that made the ice thaw
In the winter of my life
I love the sun, I hope that’s alright

The Illusion Of Separation

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Is love pain?
It’s a desire to be together again
And the separate
Kind of makes my hands shake 
As we’re torn asunder
And all that you have of someone is their number 
And years drag you apart
I am all heart
With a thin veneer
To protect me when danger comes near
And the cracks on my shell
Sure as hell wish me well
And I grow older 
And bolder 
With confidence
And the first defense 
Is the war you make
The splinters in each breath you take 
As you draw some inspiration
From the oxygen of your own creation
To live anew
I guess what I’m saying is I miss you

Why Do I Feel This Pain?

.Reading time 1 minute.
Why do I feel this pain
It’s like all of summer is making it rain
Do I lean into for all that I’m worth
Why does everything like this hurt
Coz I’m dismissed
Do I exist
And if I do is it in the mist
Or the spring of time
Is the answer only to rhyme
The moment down
Coz a white gown
Is less is more
And I forsake all I adore 
And let go all that’s set in store
And the quiet hold
Everything is solid gold 
In the meaning truth
I try to find my lost youth
In the pillars of sin
I loved him so I let him in
Then knocked him out
Pushed him away with all my self doubt
Now I’m tormented true
Because I can never have you
Coz you’re with her 
And even if you weren’t, we’re not what we were
Sitting on a bus
Holding the memory like broken trust
As I search to find 
The number 10 I left behind 
I head into the city
Waiting for the trauma to hit me
As I run for fear
It’s been so long since you were near
And my heart felt peace
They look at curtains when they cease
To pull the scene 
Were you and I just a dream

Everest

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Her pain is a mountain
That I can’t scale 
Like many on Everest
I’m born to fail
But I keep coming back
To her heavenly light
Whispers in the morning
You’ll be alright
And we grow up
Dust ourselves off
But we’ve still got 
That persistent cough
That hints at something
Underneath
She lowers a blow
Knocks me off my feet
And I know 
She don’t mean it
But did I 
Dream it
That we once were something true
Until I disappointed you
By being myself 
In a garden of verdant wealth
All to blossom and free
Sorry but, babe, you’re gnawing at me

Jesus Is Lord

.Reading time 1 minute.
The burning pain encases my soul
And like the waves I roll and roll
Until I crash to the floor
And all I used to adore
In verdant green
Is part of what it means 
To walk in this skin
And part of me’s in love with him
As we age and pale
Giving up what’s not for sale 
To the highest bidder
It’s first come, first served and the weather
Is just one more seasonal spin
Do I let him in
Coz he’s knocking down my door
Hammering ever more and more 
As the years pass 
And I was outclassed
In the long grass
And today I went to Mass
And felt that age old relief
As I stepped back into belief 
As I stare at a man on a cross
Thinking all is not lost
Coz my Saviour died for me 
But He lived and that sets me free
That Truth exists 
And quells the sound in the mists 
That grapple and let me go
This cloud looks like it’s full of snow
Or thundered might
But Jesus loves me and I’m alright

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/5eSMcGv

Real Person Then

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Making my peace with 2014
I snatched a thread in the bed of the dream
And everything cascaded in
And it was all the colour of him
And I couldn’t stand to hear Hozier play
It was all just a symbol of what’s taken away
When you tell the truth
And the pillars of youth
Fell in upon me 
Like I was so gone, we
Had to find a replacement to measure up
To the toxic flame of our burnt love

The Flame and the Letting Go

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Suffering means I love you more
And I’m always banging on your front door
To see will you let me in
And you just remind me of him
His casual ways, his beautiful dance
His chest, the rest and his hands
As they fold themselves into mine
It is the cessation of time
As in the moment held forever
Is the faith of a new endeavor 
As it opens out to sky
I love you and I don’t know why
Only the beauty to burst through
The diagrams I see in you
And in all that’s sad and lonely
I’m wondering why you don’t phone me
When we left it on so bad a note
And there are pages that I quote
Which makes up the dream of us
The magnitude, the waves, the trust
In all that we can’t imbue
I’m waiting for what you might do
With your love, the sea, the stars
The way you melt those prison bars
Down into metal ore
I know you better than I did before
But you are untouchable, unattainable 
The clouds are grey, the day raining and dull
And you’re just some other where 
I keep looking, you’re not there
And you may have another chick
And I the page that you flip
But anyway, bitterness won’t get me far
Not when you’re written on my heart
And I feel this seething for all we were
And the fact that I’m not her
And I know it’s selfish and self absorbed 
I should just take you at your word
When you say you’re happy there
That you’ve found love and true care
But I’m gnawing at the edges and all the seams
I still see you in my dreams
Sometimes you’re mine, more you’re not
I’d write them down but I forgot
Exactly what they had to say 
Some kind of I’m not going away
But everything does 
All that is is a remnant of what was
And I fight the tide
But the waves crash and abide
In the place they’ve always been
There is the dimension of the seen
Then other ones
Diagonals and come undones 
Would you marry me?
So that the bird could be set free
But I’m letting go
Of all I thought that I know
To find a new shore
Worship all I adore
As it comes in close
Would you haunt me like a Holy Ghost?

Magnificently Kissing On The Street

.Reading time 1 minute.
https://pin.it/7xZLH3S
Magnificently kissing on the street
It’s not the first time that we meet
As our stars cross paths
And we do nothing by half’s 
And I’m staring at the guy on the screen
He reminds me of a dream 
That I once had
And I don’t feel bad
Scamming on his beard
Is it a bit weird
I see you in him
And I cannot win
Coz you’re with another girl
The diamond in the rough, a pearl
In the oyster that you shell
And I’m not well
I commit myself to a cell
A hospital, a ne’er do well
And they put me on a pill
It takes all the strength of my will
Not to cave
Under the pressure it takes to save
Me from my own dear self
And they are no help 
Throwing eyes at me
I disguise what’s free
In me behind a locked door
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As Dennis howls into the wind
And an old lady tells me how they’ve sinned
Before they put a needle in her
I cry to think what we were
And everything is green outside
I don’t wanna have to hide
Who I am from them
But, God knows, I can’t do it again

The Role Of Men

.Reading time 1 minute.
He got a dial on the rotary blade
And he claimed he knew how to save
But he sent me to some kind of hell
Then forbade me to ever tell
The story of how our love was made
He put the darkness into the shade
Of the sun that just shines on me
Or from within the holy sea
In the forests he was found
And I can't bear to hear the sound
Of what forever whispered that night
He asked me if I was alright
So I proceeded to spill the secret soul
Then he panicked and the whole
Was exiled to the far reaches of the kingdom
So far away he won't even sing them 
As a lullaby to his pain
The clouds were too apt to rain
Upon the land 
That used to be sand
To hold my feet
As they walked to the place where we meet
In between the intersection
Of my silence and his rejection
Of all that could ever be
What is the meaning of the word free

Great Big Ocean

.Reading time 1 minute.
I thought the great big ocean would find me
But it’s always been just the tide
Counting the beats of my step 
To the heart that keeps me alive
And the summers in the city
Where I counted my blessing
He asked me if I was serious
I said shur I’m only messing
And the wild within me got unlocked
Like a fabled Pandora’s box
All the crucible to fly
Is to live to know how to die
Coz we’re born with these bodies 
We don’t know how to use
Then we get attached
To something we lose
And every breath is a tear
With a fragrance of flower
But people are reckless 
When they have power
And moan and shine and wither and break
Then tell you they do it for your sake
But it could never tally up
Not when you call it love
And I had a bite of the unconditional 
Now I move and walk and it’s not volitional 
Coz she spilt the beans on me
Now every secret’s flying free
And a demolishment has been rendered
In the space my hope engendered 
It cascaded tears
Now I measure the war in years
That I’ve been through
And I blame you
For all the absent meanders 
I don’t have all the answers
But can I learn to be a little less jaded
The pain’s the same but the scars have faded
And I only give leave for a moment to be
The epitome of running free

Diesel Is Desire

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Diesel is desire
And if there’s a spark it’ll catch fire
And explode
I didn’t know the less travelled road
Was a trail to blaze
Oh, all the cities I raze
To the ground
Just to hear the sound
Of tomorrow’s bells
Will we all burn in hell
As we make hell on earth
Poison the soil we call dirt
Then throw it at each other
Coz we can’t grow from it, brother

My Jesus

.Reading time 1 minute.
My Jesus opened the door
He let me see that there’s something more
Beyond the chasm of calls
The teaching of words, the world’s enthralled 
And I was on my knees begging to sky
Watching someone I love slowly die
Why don’t you do something, where are you
But you took her and put me through
Some kind of hell
What is it the story that you tell
That the Almighty is all that exists
Then why did you put me on your list
And it’s a sudden awning pain 
Like the cold when you’ve been out in rain
And I’m on the floor
With my head resting against the door
And a sudden spark ignites
Wherefrom did all these lights
Appear
And I hear her say, my dear
Like she always did when she was alive
And her flowers didn’t survive 
But something she planted did, God knows
It’s been living in me and it shows
So I wash my face, dry my tears
And I’ve been holding it in for years and years
And it’s finally singing a song
My Lord, you did nothing wrong 
And it’s more than a future reunite
It’s a love that holds you in the night
When you’re punching the air
Cursing all that isn’t there
But something new is born
The moment that the fabric’s torn

The Part Of Me

.Reading time 1 minute.
It was shallow water
And I waded in deep
I stayed up all night
When everyone was asleep
Just to write love letters to the stars
And you know my prison bars
Were something I could see around
Did she make a sound
When she crossed the floor
And I used to adore
The ground she walked on
Til I became something she talked on
And I swore I would keep something secret
It’s not like bread, you cannot eat it
Only muse on what you have become 
And it was dark and I was young
But she showed me the light
As I exploded into kryptonite
Shattered glass on the floor
But I wanted more
Than just some addendum you throw a bone
Maybe I’m better off all alone
Or with the ones I can stand
I hate to say it but it was underhand
The way you tore me down 
I played the thief, you played the clown
And you know I felt sorry for you
Despite what you put me through
As I diary entries that I can’t speak
You hit me hard and I was weak
And the fire seemed to catch
I left the room, you left the latch
Open like I’m coming through
But we lost what I had with you

Writing My Storm

.Reading time 1 minute.
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Pexels.com
Writing my storm
Well, at least I'm warm
Coz the thunder rumbles 
And the lightning cracks ground 
And I can feel the heat surround 
As the cold front meets it match
An opposite in a roof of thatch
As it sets fire to what it knows
And it's, you know, anything goes
And I've destroyed everything I once had
I speak my mind and I feel bad 
But at least I'm living 
Is it time for more forgiving 
Of the grudge match I keep with her
Coz I'm mad at what we were 
As she'd take a little pick
And chip away at me, so to speak 
Carving out a Michelangelo
From all the places I will not go 
Til suddenly the dial it spins 
And she's cast from my withins
In a door slamming shut on time
I can't acquit you for this crime
Coz if I did you'd do it again
And I don't know if I can call you friend
As you take what you used to know
And sacrifice it on the go
On an altar you worship days 
And I'm confused in so many ways
Coz I thought we were cool but I resolve
Not to be a problem to solve
But the answer I've always craved
I guess it's Heaven and the unsaved

50 Year Stand

.Reading time 1 minute.
We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand 
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them 
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

Central Park

.Reading time 1 minute.
Is it too long left unspoken
I say, man, I’m only joking
But I’m serious as death can be
I loved you so I set you free
But I spend every moment wishing you were here 
I love you so much, my dear 
And I every time I fail to catch
I leave the door on the latch
Just in case you’ll walk in
And I make up stories of me and him
To keep me warm in the grey dark
And I just walked around Central Park
Wondering what was there to give
If there’s a life I can let live
But somehow moments in the stunning
And I’m just running, running
Away from this pain that caved inside
Is there a reason why I hide
From all I thought I knew
It all revolves around you

Intensity

.Reading time 1 minute.
I’m burning up like the flow of the river 
As all of life calls me to forgive her
Coz I can’t split in two just to spite my face
Or deny the regard of constant disgrace
And I was only a teen
But I saw through the cracks in the dream
Untoward a vast expanse
Where music makes the people dance
And I feel as though I’m on fire
Like I’ve been lit by something higher
But it always seems to come back to ground
Like I’m rooted in the sound
Of you saying goodbye
Then realizing what it means to die
As I sweated it out in the class
Then fell victim to what could not last
And I stirred on the floor as I heard her call
It was like I’d lost the wall
Separating me from creation
A moment stunned and then elation
You can call it enlightenment or waking up
Or just realizing all is love
Then I see you with your eyes downcast
And I try to forget the past
But the memory of the crush is ever fresh
And I’m still not there yet
At the part they say release
But I may just be at peace

Stuttered Ignition

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Love breaks bones and makes you appreciate pain
Finding someone worth suffering for through the rain
And you grow forests from the seeds in your hands
But there is one thing you do not understand
That I loved you more than you could ever love me
And I left to spare your dignity
I was the one to walk away you see
So you could have all you’re meant to be
And it hurt but I’m an anchor and I would drag you down
Turn that magnificent smile into a frown
Hold you in place so you cannot move
Because you’re what I’m afraid to lose
So, I let you leave though you told me you were going
You were like a sea creature I sent to the ocean
Made you take steps though you double doubted
The implications of words that I shouted
I could see it in your face, the indecision, and I had to be cold
Turn my face away from what I want to hold
Though you are beating my heart
And every move you make tears me apart
Why am I so alone?
How did you get into my home
This way, like it was a common feat
Like you had never tasted defeat
Didn’t even think it, didn’t hesitate
You just read the patterns I had made on my plate
Horrified and thrilled, I thought maybe
You were the one who could get the best of me
See through the war I made with myself
Tell me it didn’t matter, there is no one else
But you were human and unsure and you don’t hold the blame
I set fire to everything that touched my name
And you, only you, did not burn
That’s the lesson that I learned

…………….I love you

Echoes

.Reading time 2 minutes.

I’ve never really understood the term fun
I’ve always been searching for the mythical one
But that’s just a delusion of consciousness
Rather than what prompts me to a state of undress
And I know you bleed red at the edge of your eyes
As I’m pierced by the lance of your previous lies
As you bullet your rocket ship on its course
I can’t sacrifice to ease your remorse
When you left me on the landing and you didn’t care
But took away what once held me there
In vines and twines that could never be rope
But you gave me cause to begin to hope
As I watched the deflections you moved with your stare
Until you saw me catch you and laid it all bare
In an intimacy for which I was not prepared
I’m sorry if I came off a little scared
But the truth is I loved you beyond reproach
And I can’t take it back though they still coach
Me to say things the absence of which
Brings to the fore a doubt that will itch
As their minds run amok amid the scene
Of the decimation that I have been
Points them to decry me to swear off
The cause of what shattered my loss
But I cannot sigh enough tears to mean
That I don’t see the royalty of the king and queen
That we once were and ever are
You are my compass and I your North Star
In the echoes of a landscape we have left behind
Yes you broke me down but I don’t mind
For just one glimpse of your visage
Is worth saying goodbye to all I ever had

Imperfection

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

It’s killing me but I’m not scared of death
If you’re wondering why I haven’t done anything yet
As you dare me to move from across the room
With your eyes fixed in a stare of impending doom
And I plead with you for rationality
Can’t you understand reality
And it feels like we are playing with spikes
Stick them into each other with all our might
And double or nothing all our pain
Cause we can’t get over what made it rain

Love, X

.Reading time 7 minutes.

Don’t call me a crazy female just cause I sing the blues
I’m entitled to my feeling as you are to your truth
And all your words and actions just do not negate
The fact that I love you interspersed with the hate
And though I may be wild and inconvenient to host
You don’t have to treat me as if I am a ghost
As you look straight through as though you never saw me there
I know you have a heart so don’t pretend you do not care
And relegate my cause to the long lost ceaseless pile
Just cause I stood in your shoes but declined to walk a mile
I am not the stereotype of an ex who just won’t let go
That is a little sexist though I won’t claim to know 
Why you always had a disdain for the other half
So you tried to make them smile, you tried to make them laugh
You tried to make them fall so they could not right themselves
And when you were done you left them on the shelf
To waste and wear away until they were nothing at all
Though I had to say I enjoyed my free fall
Down into the darkness, the emptiness of the void
I won’t pretend you’re the cause of what makes me annoyed
That you did not reach out when I was hanging on that cliff
And I just keep on going and back and saying what if
But all explainations fail and considerations die
When I look into the pupil in the centre of your eye
And find myself adrift like so many years ago
When you met me as a girl, the girl you say you do not know
And yes it hit the mark, did it hurt to deny
That we collided interscope, say the truth now, do not lie
That we once in a lifetimed upon the green grass
As you stood and stared at me and what I thought to ask
Such a preposterous question and so handsomely obvious
That you were the decider and where I placed my trust
But years have gone by and I have not seen your face
You never were the hero that rode out to lay waste
You just sat inside and cried about love long gone
You didn’t care about the someone that you kept on
You didn’t care about the promises you made to me that day
About how you looked me in the face and did not go away
And how I waited on your figure to statue all my dreams
But that was just the prelude to my long lasting private screams
That I howled in the night time on my bedroom floor
In a city far away behind a closed door
And I clutched at my insides cause I felt them coming out
And tried my best to keep silent cause I did not want to shout
About the enemies who had closed in on my life
And decided in that cage that I didn’t get another light
And subtle was the meaning and subtle was the voice
It was many years before I saw there was a choice
That there was another way, a way out of the pain
And just because you’re under clouds doesn’t mean you feel the rain
So here I stand before you and I repeat what’s ever true
That though my body will die I am not leaving you
And I will descend to the very depths
If that’s what it takes to pull you up those steps
To walk you to the door though you in the end refuse
And I’m left to perish slowly from the burning of a fuse
And there the gates of heaven lie meaningless without
Someone to hold my hand, the one it’s all about
So what do you expect, me to just go away
Again in all the cyanide where the demonds hold sway
But I stand here defiant and here I will roar
That I love you in the vacancy of a foreign shore
And I may never realise the place whereon I stand
But it was a miracle that I got to touch your hand
And hold you so close for a moment and for all
I think I was mistaken, there was never a wall
I just hit my own pride and held back what I knew
And now the time has come to pay you your due
In coins or in gold, I know you hold them in contempt
And I’ll always be the one that you resent
But here I pledge my life for yours and forever
I will seal it in blood to ensure my endeavour
And I will stand guard at the edges to soften the blow
Of the searing scars you don’t want to show
To hold and to comfort and to see you see your might
I knew that in that moment and I know now you’re alright
Whatever you say and the play you do cascade
I can see that you tremble, that you shake, that you’re afraid
And know I will not hurt you and my alliegence is true
All is nothing to me honey and there is only you
So to hell with all the anger and the sorcery
I am here to tell you now that it’s possible to be free
And just to breathe in air when you think that you are done
And when you’ve lost it all you see that you have won
And ever could forgive the place where you fell
It wasn’t only you, it was me aswell

Lashings

.Reading time 5 minutes.

It’s a peculiar kind of humiliation the way I’ve grown to feel
When you place your trust in someone and the way they cut the deal
And you can’t really blame them when they pull the rug away
Cause you never in your heart of hearts expected them to stay
And all your family converged on where the wound congeals
But though they profess their understanding, they can’t fathom how it feels
And should I lash out in anger and be certified insane
Or find another way that I can express my pain
As I writhe and I lose my wits end over you
They try to make me act the way I’m supposed to
As they hang my arms like puppeteers into a normal life
And I let them move my body under the vacant expression in your eyes
The complete renunciation of what you’d previously adored
Now I’m just the soundtrack someone else has scored
As the chains grow round me, like vines, I’m too weak to fight
And all that fueled me before, now I have no appetite
Cause it has lost its meaning without the love that you imbue
And what’s the point in dancing if I’m not doing it for you
Though you have got your lines that say I’m better off
In bitterness and agony I hold your memory aloft
And cave in on myself to the cracking of my ribs
Tell me I’ll find somebody who’ll be happy I am his
But I am not a man’s woman to marry and to own
I only fell for you because I was alone
In your presence and I found I didn’t have to be
An amelioration of myself or lose my liberty
And I guess I got confused and mistook what just confounded
One in an eternity the lightning bolt you grounded
But just because you had earthed me back into the source
Didn’t mean you really cared for what had taken me by force
As striking in your eyes when the connection hit
It was not in your stature a place you chose to sit
So you have me blinded, inconsequentially
And you must be reminded to extract yourself gingerly
Lest you push me over an edge I fell from long ago
You don’t have call in those who will try to soften the blow
And take me from that place as I am struggling to grasp
The meaning of a death I did not think would last
Now they tie me to a chair and chemically calm
My shaking and their supplements are suppressing the alarm
That is ringing in my head and trying to break through
The foggy overtures that are obscuring you
And my eyes they cannot see and all my speech is slurred
To think the time you spent with me was inhabited by her
And I know I should be happy but I find myself contained
Inside the strictures of a world that hasn’t changed
And all your magic prose and your incandescent stories
Are only symptomatic of how I revelled in your glories
And the ancient smorgasbord of different shades of black
Are not efforts of your urging but what is never coming back
And its institutional to be begging at their feet
But you are starving and they beat you til you give in to eat
Though it may be poison and lead to your demise
I guess I lost it all and my independence dies
As I lay down on the bed and concede to be operated on
Though they cannot fix what is already gone
Their sutures leave a scar and I will forever bear the mark
Of what it is to be consumed by the wolves out in the dark
But though they may undo me til I’m a shade of my old self
They cannot command the soul beyond their timing belt
And the pictures that they make of the architecture of my being
Are only surface breaking waves to signal what I’m freeing
And I know you want me complicit in my own subjugation
But I’m not what you can train into a pleasant conversation 
There is an ocean beneath that you have not explored
I’m not what you hypothesise standing on the shore

A Golden Cage

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Do you expect me to thank you for my golden cage
It’s like a book asking a pencil if it could turn the page
And all of these bars make the heart inside me rage
Don’t think that I am playing or that this is just a stage
Cause I was born to be free and to speak the truth
To hold the burning of a fire that was born in my youth
And every day’s an episode of how to handle myself
But you could not give me money to compare to this wealth
Cause I am unbound and hurricane through all their just ideals
There is no limit to my madness or to the heart that feels
And however you may try there is no way to contain
The depth of this emotion or the searing of the pain
Cause it is meant to be lived through and to be understood
Not hidden in the darkness or swept under the rug
In the fountain of denial or the rivers of the mist
I will not be quiet or give in to just subsist

Tire Tracks

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Should I be afraid of all the tire tracks torn through the dirt
And should I try to hide all the pain and all the hurt
Cause all the scars make me into something I am not
And though I tried to get away I found that I got caught
In all the brambles and the briars as they entwined my arms
The harder I struggled the more that I got harmed
But the nightmares soon came to a finality close
And I found that peace was the path I chose
As all the beautiful and meek finally came to rest
Into a heart that was tormented, that once was distressed
All the calmness ensued and the softness of a chair
As I sank down deep into what once wasn’t there
So to anyone who worries, to anyone who crowds the deep
There is a homecoming and a stillness that will keep

The Soul

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The universe is trying to get through to you
So don’t wipe away the innocence and give pain its due
Cause there is a reason for everything under the sun
And there really is no telling where anything is begun
Cause it is all cause and effect, an experimental design
And the fabric of the cosmos is neither yours nor mine
So live your life in truth, in alignment with the whole
Cause there is nothing else that satisfies the soul

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Heavy Roads

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Beautiful disasters don’t come in threes
It’s the kind of love that brings me down to my knees
And breaks apart my heart and soul
When we first met I felt so whole
And I wonder do they know what went on in between
When we both awoke inside the other’s dream
Before it turned to nightmares of the mind
Before the moment I left you behind
And all the twists and turns wander the roads
The weight is heavy and the stress it shows
Among the guilt of breaking her down
The water rises and I start to drown
Because I just cannot escape the truth
I love you and I never put it to use

At His Feet

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I don’t want help, I just want to express
The feelings inside, my perennial distress
And I don’t want sad looks from any of you
Not doing this for pity, that’s not what I would do
It’s just that I’m proud of the strongest of me
That came from the darkness of what I came to be
And the night closed in on me with a march from the source
It was rough and unkind, the epitome of course
And I found silvered light or maybe you could say gold
And a kind of immortal that will never grow old
And it lit up my life and shone so very bright
That I knew in that moment that I would be alright
And I just want to share the vestiges of pain
And that there is sunlight under the rain
And that there is earth under pavements complete
That there is a God and I fall at his feet