Rewriting The Rulebook

She’s rewriting the rule book
Like I did with a school look
As I ran up and down the halls
Some are chasing dreams, I’m chasing walls
To keep me safe and closeted in
But it takes a breath for the night to begin
And once it does you can’t go back
Obsessed with how they have all you lack
And she shines
But I’ve written that story a thousand times
As I begged to be let in
Then got caught in the full glare of a grin
That suddenly shone on me
Asked for my hand and my integrity
And I fell victim to
An obsession with the form of you
When the midnight calls my name
And I nonchalant all the same
Your absolutely sincere
Does intimacy mean more than near
Coz this close is comfortable
Like we’re both being vulnerable
And almost to touch
I gotta say I love you so much
Behind the folds of a page
This moment will never age

Matter and Form

I move with the sea
In tides I roll
Everybody compresses
Their immortal soul
Down into matter
Down into form
Down into just
Keeping the bed warm
And I don’t have the answer
Don’t know the explain
Why the wind comes in sheets
And the air blows in rain
But I know this much
Though I don’t as much say
That life comes in waves
To keep things at bay

Image Credit: Elentori on DeviantArt

Man in Black

Depression takes everything you have, it’s a lot like death
And when it hits you you do not forget
Are forever changed, forever moved
And, dare I may say it, greatly improved
So can I be a spokesperson for the darkness within
It’s not all bad though I didn’t tell him
And I am sunlit because I know
night
Even more so than that, I know something is right
Cause they are both just opposing sides of a coin
Lesser and greater eventually join
Into one river that leads to the sea
I am so proud of who I’ve come to be
I feel mountainous when speaking to you
When you try to help me to talk it through
I just smile at your innocentness
To think you could undo the cause of my distress
Like you could unmake the blue of the sky
Like you could raise eyes and make them un-die
But what is seen can never be taken back
So for now, I’ll be the man in black
Til all of the colours bleed into the sink
I will be the absence that makes you think
And skip a beat when you see my peace
Fearless in the face of what will decease
Because this world is just building on snow
I am of another and that’s where I go
So don’t pity the rook that sits in the tree
Wild things have wings and know how to be free
Accepting their fate on the breeze as it comes
It called for me and I have succumbed
Don’t worry your mind into the grey
I was born to be this way
No, there’s nothing wrong as far as I can see
So thank you but I’ll pass on what you offer me
And you may never understand
But there’s a design consciousness has planned
I have grown to compassionately embrace
The canvas collection fear will deface
But love will multiply whatever you give her
You can’t blame the rocks for shaping the river

The Dark

"Don't touch it"
Everyone seems to say
But I love the dark 
It is deep and endlessly long
It is peaceful and pure
In its nothingness

Blood Strings

You ripped my heart away from my body
That’s how I knew you were thinking of me
And I’ll take the pain and the bleeding wounds
If it means you’ll come back soon
But you are miles of forests ever away
And your absence can’t keep the darkness at bay
Like the desperation of he when he thinks she has died
Are the oceans of loneliness I have cried
And you stand up tall with your shoulders wide
But there are some things you cannot hide
And maybe I saw a fragment in your eye
Of the person I could be without your goodbye
So stay, I’ll beg you on my knees
I’ll do it on a stage if you want them to see
My desperation and my anguish floor bound
I dread the silence when you’re not around
And I know we fought and we could not make
A mountain from the rubble of our mistake
And I just want to touch your skin
In a way that reaches what is within
Cause I felt it, don’t tell me you didn’t too
It breaks my heart when you say it’s not for you
But you’re my butterfly and I want your colour
To be free to fly, as you wish, my brother

Waterfall Drop

I don’t want to be a refugee
Of the war that has changed me
And the silence in between the sounds
I am the mortar the pestle grounds
And I have faded away

Once upon a time I held the world
But that was back when I was a girl
And ran so free through the fields
Now I feel the way my body yields
To the passing of time and circumstance
I never asked to be part of this dance
But here am I

Now they say not too far away
Is a place where my head can lay
But they spend their days to kill and maim
Before they shift their weight and then the blame
And I wonder am I human at all
If this is how they follow the call
It is chasming inside me

And all I ask is you remember me
As the way I used to be
Not the shadow that haunts the grounds
Of a past life where freedom abounds
It is all taken by time

And all my fever is just fighting the tide
But hot blood doesn’t mean you’re alive
As I have learned to my chagrin
But I have something, I want to let you in
You can count me with the dead

And all your motives just fall away
When you realise it cannot stay
Persuasion does not alter the ground
Because I have heard a sweeter sound
And move toward the light

So goodbye to all at the hearth
To tell the truth I prefer the dark
Than your tales of truth and lies
I am no longer bound by those ties
Something has cut the chain

And never, never will I return
I just want to see the whole world burn
In the fire that consumes it all
I forsake it and I let it fall
Therein lies my peace

Inspired by “After All” by Dar Williams

Love, X

Don’t call me a crazy female just cause I sing the blues
I’m entitled to my feeling as you are to your truth
And all your words and actions just do not negate
The fact that I love you interspersed with the hate
And though I may be wild and inconvenient to host
You don’t have to treat me as if I am a ghost
As you look straight through as though you never saw me there
I know you have a heart so don’t pretend you do not care
And relegate my cause to the long lost ceaseless pile
Just cause I stood in your shoes but declined to walk a mile
I am not the stereotype of an ex who just won’t let go
That is a little sexist though I won’t claim to know 
Why you always had a disdain for the other half
So you tried to make them smile, you tried to make them laugh
You tried to make them fall so they could not right themselves
And when you were done you left them on the shelf
To waste and wear away until they were nothing at all
Though I had to say I enjoyed my free fall
Down into the darkness, the emptiness of the void
I won’t pretend you’re the cause of what makes me annoyed
That you did not reach out when I was hanging on that cliff
And I just keep on going and back and saying what if
But all explainations fail and considerations die
When I look into the pupil in the centre of your eye
And find myself adrift like so many years ago
When you met me as a girl, the girl you say you do not know
And yes it hit the mark, did it hurt to deny
That we collided interscope, say the truth now, do not lie
That we once in a lifetimed upon the green grass
As you stood and stared at me and what I thought to ask
Such a preposterous question and so handsomely obvious
That you were the decider and where I placed my trust
But years have gone by and I have not seen your face
You never were the hero that rode out to lay waste
You just sat inside and cried about love long gone
You didn’t care about the someone that you kept on
You didn’t care about the promises you made to me that day
About how you looked me in the face and did not go away
And how I waited on your figure to statue all my dreams
But that was just the prelude to my long lasting private screams
That I howled in the night time on my bedroom floor
In a city far away behind a closed door
And I clutched at my insides cause I felt them coming out
And tried my best to keep silent cause I did not want to shout
About the enemies who had closed in on my life
And decided in that cage that I didn’t get another light
And subtle was the meaning and subtle was the voice
It was many years before I saw there was a choice
That there was another way, a way out of the pain
And just because you’re under clouds doesn’t mean you feel the rain
So here I stand before you and I repeat what’s ever true
That though my body will die I am not leaving you
And I will descend to the very depths
If that’s what it takes to pull you up those steps
To walk you to the door though you in the end refuse
And I’m left to perish slowly from the burning of a fuse
And there the gates of heaven lie meaningless without
Someone to hold my hand, the one it’s all about
So what do you expect, me to just go away
Again in all the cyanide where the demonds hold sway
But I stand here defiant and here I will roar
That I love you in the vacancy of a foreign shore
And I may never realise the place whereon I stand
But it was a miracle that I got to touch your hand
And hold you so close for a moment and for all
I think I was mistaken, there was never a wall
I just hit my own pride and held back what I knew
And now the time has come to pay you your due
In coins or in gold, I know you hold them in contempt
And I’ll always be the one that you resent
But here I pledge my life for yours and forever
I will seal it in blood to ensure my endeavour
And I will stand guard at the edges to soften the blow
Of the searing scars you don’t want to show
To hold and to comfort and to see you see your might
I knew that in that moment and I know now you’re alright
Whatever you say and the play you do cascade
I can see that you tremble, that you shake, that you’re afraid
And know I will not hurt you and my alliegence is true
All is nothing to me honey and there is only you
So to hell with all the anger and the sorcery
I am here to tell you now that it’s possible to be free
And just to breathe in air when you think that you are done
And when you’ve lost it all you see that you have won
And ever could forgive the place where you fell
It wasn’t only you, it was me aswell

Love and Stars

Love is the power that fuels all my doing
And you are the beautiful that I am pursuing
Cause there really is no end to what is eternal real
And there are hearts that you just cannot steal
As you thread the vine once more with rope that is so sweet
And I stay by your side because I just can’t stand the heat
Of moving once inch away from your skin
You are the power that I am within
And we will never be anything but what we are
We are born from the ocean and our soul sits in a star

Inspiration

You’re an endless inspiration and I’m a hopeless muse
You are the bulletproof that blows apart the fuse
And there is a design that machinates the whole
There is a forever that sits inside my soul
As we in matching colours go our separate ways
And the night comes every evening at the end of days
And apocalypse the moment as fire rains on me
Because I understand that we are history

Tapestry

A beautiful design weaves its way around my soul
And there are nights inside when I decry the whole
In favour of the incomplete that rocks me back to sleep
And I’ve learned that there are promises that I just cannot keep
So I try to look to you as if you know the way
But you are full of the unspoken that you do not say
As I wait in lines of undefined for something to be real
It is a mystery of darkness the tapestry I feel

Everlasting

The night comes falling in around me
And I just feel like I am free
As the stars shine bright cascadingly
I wonder who it is I’ll be

For the design is perfect pure
It’s the one thing that I know for sure
And in all of what will endure
You are the perfect ailment cure

Cause loving you is just release
You are the wrinkle that I crease
You’re the one thing that does not cease
In all of what will just decease

All of Me

There’s a void no ocean can quell
There’s an emptiness nothing can quiet
There’s a silence deep in the darkness
And I just want to try it
Because all of the nights of these days
Comes down to the end of the line
And when it comes to the edge of the road
I just am not fine
Because it all just is a facade
All just an elaborate ruse
All just a dance done out into space
Because I’ve something to prove
So don’t tell me to keep my voice down
Just because it isn’t PC
You must take the good along with the bad
You promised to have all of me

Soul Brother

You make me believe you don’t mean anything you say
And your words are just rumours of you going away
And the candlelight is held just close to your face
But your is a memory I cannot erase
So I walk and I walk but I can’t find the line
Everyone around me says to just give it time
That I will find peace and move on from you
But they don’t know what they say, they don’t but I do
And you are an ever present ghost in my mind
The one thing that my soul could never leave behind
And winter closes in back on us both
But your love around me is a warm coat
As we sit back again into each other
If I am soul sister then you are soul brother

Skylight

I can’t take it when the weather changes
And the landscape rearranges
And the daylight that you thought you knew
Has been replaced by nighttime blue
When you have come to love the warm days
And the good times of relaxing laze
A change comes expected and forecast
But still sudden and meant to last
You miss the old but get on and make do
Spend all my time wishing and hoping for you

Facing the Dark

If I want to write you, I’ll have to write death
Because that is where you hide
It is where our lines intertwine
On the edge of permanence
On the edge of the unknowable
We never were simply lovers
Or starcrossed friends across the sky
We met at the close of day
And as the night draws in
I feel you near
As you sit somewhere
Under the same inevitability
With a beaming light to guide you
And thousands more to illuminate your world
Yes if I want to write you
I have to face the dark within myself
It is not bad
Only absolute