The darkest shame is that I followed the clues That I thought would lead me to you And there were blue chalked streets and bears They say the fabric of my sanity tears When I believe in secret tomes And become one who roams The avenues of misty eyed tears As the date nears And I cannot bear the truth So I pulverise my own youth By putting myself in their hands Now after slipping sands Have run the hourglass down I still feel like I want to drown Some where in all this emotion It’s as though the road is an ocean I cannot climb into And it becomes a sprint to The door And I couldn’t have loved them more But somehow I feel the wilderness in my bones And I refuse to answer my two phones When they call out to me And I could’ve missed our history In the avenue I let bleed Because I know you need Who I used to be But its just that they have destroyed me In their attempts to keep the dark away I just lay in the bay And it was not San Francisco Or some kind of cool fuckin’ disco It was like being drawn on a string So he could live on everything He ever thought he was And I take the hit because I want him to be sky high And not afraid to die A death on the floor I just want to prove I love him more
I delved into the dark of night And somehow I came out alright Like that bright blue rose I wandered the streets and I chose Life over death But I cannot forget The things I saw And I blame everything on the great thaw And I took a comic worth 50 cent Out of a box and away I went But I felt bad and I repaid The charity for my shade And you can say it was poor mental health But I still felt the cards were dealt Harshly and I take a couple hundred euro And leave it in an envelope to secure ya In my attempt at redemption I actually never told the priest at the intervention But it was because I had forgotten And because I sensed I was not well gotten By that particular son of Christ So I said what I could splice And took my shit and ran And the only place that can Fail to make a demon of me Is the place where the hellish ghouls were set free And they came to devour what they could I swore that they wanted blood And the psychiatrist said it was just my mind And that sanity was only something I could find In pills and therapy But the silence gets the best of me When I sit across from a nurse Asking me how it might have hurt And all I can think is that his eyes are oceans And they convey seafaring waves of emotion And if he was a colour it would be green Like the t-shirt he wears and all we could have been If only he had been single And I had been coherent enough to mingle But I take the easy route As my lover plays the flute Somewhere far away and I see That it’s only cloaking the mystery To realise That even the beautiful dies When faced with its own fragility I let them wound the hurt in me
There is a look you scarce can hide Not even when you’re by her side And I can see the way she don’t reach Into the lessons you long to teach And she may be fine by the beach But she’s not the one to help you sleep By her side And you are alive But you’re in a lot of pain I can feel it in the rain That pours from your eyes And if the hero dies Is the story over And I don’t even know her But I know enough to say She is not me, okay And you will never find your truth In the prism of your youth Thinking you’ve won the war Not realising what it’s for And you swore you had one over on me But I just set you free And I know I may not see you again Not in this form so I look at other men And they are wonderous and pure But I am still fuckin’ sure That you’re the one I long to be with And I’m not gonna call her a bitch Just because some theft’s going on And I may be gone But I still feel you wish For my lips to meet your kiss Like they did on the first day Our palm to palm and then away Into the pub where no alcohol is served And I observed That when I swerved Away from you You still pondered what to do And if you could reach over to me But thank you for letting me be free I was too young for sex Or committing to what you wanted to do next And I returned several years later And was enamoured til I realised you date her All the while I poured my soul Into your begging bowl And you see yourself as pathetic and weak Because you did not speak Up when you felt the cue But I’ve always seen the king in you And he rules the realm of my heart It only gets stronger since we’ve been apart
I want to break out and show them all the truth The wisdom of my misspent youth That always tries to contain The pulverising rain That echoes in the din What is within When what is without Becomes the whole mouth That you use to speak on Someday this will all be gone And we will be just ash and dust And broken trust That avalanche that you try so hard to avoid You chase down people, you chase down boys As they make me do what they say But I walk away From all they offer And the coffer Is empty Oh, things I should have known when I was twenty
Jack and me someday in the stars Belting out music as we’re chasing cars And I followed him down an avenue I just wonder what he’s going ta do As he flashes that smile at me And I know it will be a while til I see What he’s got going on under the hood He seems kinda bad but I know he is good As he offers his hands to me at will Then moved my own with dexterous skill Until the both are intertwined And I hardly know what’s his or what’s mine And the autumn fades the colours of leaves And he’s all mysterious or would you believe As he waits at the step of the door that I love I think I’ve been gifted from God above With the beauty of this connection Are we a constellation in the northern direction To take note of what we leave behind And I wonder if I am out of mind To go on hearing your voice in my soul What are the waves to do but roll
The irrepressible nature of our friendship It keeps on coming back It’s not about all the towers we’ve built Or the modicum we lack Coz I see the stars in shapes and places See it reverberate on faces As everything comes shining down I’m just up the road now you live in town And we’re far away Though we used to play Together at the edge of fields Now summertime’s the way it yields To the storm on the western front It’s not just the season or the time of the month It’s in clouds that gather a while And I risk the thunder to see you smile An eon away And I’m glad you stay Though it terrified me to contemplate The idea of you in that state It’s in all my nightmares And it’s me that it scares When I wake up in the morning I look outside and the sky is storming Would you ever believe In me carrying less than it all on my sleeve And you sigh And say your own kind of goodbye And I try To make you see the sun That shines at the heart of everyone You disagree And most of all what you say to me Has me running like silver thread Pooled like a mothball in my head Oh, the mountain of you Do you think it could be in sight of us two Where we see the horizon Smiling now that we’ve got our eyes on It’s effervescent glow There is little that I show But one thing that is there for sure I’ve never found anything so pure As you and I Please don’t die Til our time, love I hug you coz you were sent from above Like a steady angel to my side You breathe in and I abide In the place I’ve almost been The realm of the unseen The place no hand can touch Is where I love you, oh, so much
She’s probably right about me and him It’s a game I play but cannot win As I hope for somewhere under a star He is wondering what we are But it never shows or comes to fruition Just carting around some ammunition As if we could strike At all we really don’t like But love, my love, is patient and kind It’s present moment, not left behind And I wonder if the waves are ocean enough For you to wash your hands of love That we built, stone by stone Whether together or all alone And you stand by the fortress that you made I say the hero never saved What we were or could be And I’m thinking of she Running her hands down your neck And doing some things you do not expect Just to drive you wild And I’m by the corner, meek and mild And only tepid beside the heat Of the furnace of heartbeats Side by side Would you even care if I wasn’t alive But I abide and sit in the still Let the thunder roll like forests at will In a strong breeze I always knew that you would leave But coming back Seems like something my memories lack As you try to explain But you can’t put back the pouring rain Once it’s down from the sky And I didn’t think to make truth a lie Only find In the halls of my busy mind A story to write I’ll tell our tale, if that’s alright
I love it, I do But it’s just not the facebook you And you say we’re friends But it’s frayed at both the ends And it’s undefined How could I have ever called you mine When your hand is intertwined With another heart, that’s just fine But it won’t go building bridges over the river we were And I think I love her For loving you and holding you tight For kissing the face of a bit of alright And I may be bitter but at night It’s you I hear calling my name And the days may have changed, we’re still the same As the eaves run with all the rain Would you do it over again? Coz I don’t think I’d be up for the war At the end of the day what is it for? When you live in the ridges you build for yourself And go about creating some kind of hell It’s not just for yourself, it’s for others as well And the storm clouds come in over the horizon And there’s nothing steady to keep your eyes on As the shifting sands of weather wear Everything without a care And would you know me if we met on the street I’m holding candelabras, can you feel the heat Of something I somehow contain And when we fight we do it in vain Coz love holds us all in its arms Even when we’re in school ringing alarms Being on the bell for a month or two Would you set it early if it was you? Or would you go by the clock The passing of time, well, it’s a lot As we leave our steady souls by the door Do you ever wish for more?
The male aspect of consciousness Is forever inviting And the spin is all that I’m fighting As it is embodied in opposite contrast And I thought the Grand Canyon was vast But I can see it all when his eyes open up Find I have to take a second look And he blushes and he smiles And I escape all of my trials As he offers me his hand To pull me up, you will be grand And I dust myself down and brush myself off Remember the forever we held aloft And he is tough but he is soft Says that I don’t have to pay the cost Only let it go I had a thing for you, you know You and your hair And the fact that you were so there For me, for them, for all the rest I’m talking about love if you haven’t guessed And how it just grows like the grass And I know there were things you never asked In the silence still between us both Like the gusts of wind wrap the coast Is the feel of you near to me There were days I was set free To run afresh into open fields The power of the earth that wields Our love like it was candlelight I think you are a bit of alright And if you are to chance the storm Then I would like to keep you warm In the days we rest side by side Knowing what it is to be alive With somebody there for you There’s a journey somewhere for us two To take with two hands pulled in close I guess it was you that my love chose To shine afresh in the garden Of peace we know when we discard them Only for to know again Do you think that you could be my friend? And we could run like the wolves Be the thread that longing pulls To undo that unseemly knot I hope you know exactly what I mean when I say to you That I love everything through and through And all the midnight can’t take away The sunshine in the light of day And weather rolls and thunder rumbles But my castle never crumbles Only stands to be a fort And there is nothing to report But meaningful and the dawn I left with a sigh but I’m not gone Only holding onto the deep And the promise that you keep To be the steady, lonesome star Oh, the wonder of what you are!
I found beauty in the trauma And the flora and fauna Were hidden from me In the dark forest of history And she enclosed me with a snare It was almost as if I wasn’t there When she sent the splinter into my side Did she really not want me to be alive Because she did her best to trump the card Did she realise she made things so very hard And I was just a teen But I wanted to exit the dream By any ways and means And I’m sewing a dress but the seams Keep busting and they won’t fit And there are no boys I want to hit On anymore The dark expanse was the door Into a greater purveyance And the conveyance Was suffering and pain Til I opened my arms to the rain And instead of getting wet A sun broke that I cannot forget In my darkest night I became the light Of the only and ever one If you feel you are coming undone Then you are on the right track And somehow I cannot go back To what I was I know this because I have tried And I hide My new found skin With everyone except with him He just touched me paper thin And I realised destiny was a sin I long to make with his touch And I love him so very much Though he may never know I thought he should so I let the bird go And fly across the sea To where he lay in grey mystery Just pondering a solace But it was a volatile Explosion in the moment of us And though it hurt I still trust In the infinity that we are If you burn then let that star Combust in its own atmosphere That’s how you know that God is near
She keeps the gate between here and the other world And I know I seem just like a girl Having an existential crisis But all of my vices Are my greatest strengths Why did I bother to tell her where it went Like some kind of suicide That happened while I was still alive I saw the scene And realised it was a dream That we were walking through And I opened the door right in front of you As I pointed out the way the flaws Are how the ice thaws Out in an age of snow And glaciers that move so slow I will not let go But I must meet this part of me I thought I needed help but really I just needed to be free To explore and name The source of my secret shame As it plays out on a page The book of me and the rage I kept inside But the part of me that I hide Is the best thing I own And I know it wasn’t shown On my face that day in the clinic But I’m not in the game just so I can win it I am here for all of you And I want you to know I’ve walked through the trenches too And made my way out So if you live in self doubt Let the mirage escape Like wind from a balloon in the shape Of a dog or tree I wouldn’t tell you if it hadn’t happened to me
If I don’t write it now I never will Why does our skill In that department go unrewarded Like an email that remains unforwarded And we conform to all kinds of stereotype When we step out of bounds it really isn’t nice As we’re met with the lashings of society Come on now, it can’t be just me Because to be female means meek and compliant Not subject to feelings that are violent And rude and loud and unfettered In an avenue that cannot be bettered And there is so little discourse so I take to the web To find out what I’m missing instead But all this passion in the astral plane May be in vain If I cannot make real All the beauty that I feel In our encounter as we roll the dice And I am so much more than nice When it comes to red and blue Cold meets warm and me and you In the winter of my life I found something beyond the strife And I may never be a wife But I’m letting go the night As the only place to share I step forward and I dare To break the silent vow That we all follow somehow In case we would betray Ourselves and what we’ve put away For safe keeping But I amn’t sleeping When I cover the sin The simple joy of me and him
I know that he and I Will always be one here, we will never die Like all bodies are destined to But I found heaven in you And it’s something that cannot be taken away Not even when comes the day That the great forgive must let us go As we travel into mists we do not know But I was bought and sold The moment I saw solid gold Shine from his eyes And I know though he tries He cannot separate Me from the place where we equate Everything we ever were To the trust he found in her And in us It’s not just lust It is a spiralling spark That shines even brighter in the dark So much so that I wish for my old days When I was lost in so many ways And the balance I’ve found And the solid ground Only distances the despair I loved because you were there
The canyon always called to me The vast open space a rhythm to be set free And I see people fall in the miles of my imagination As they stand on the edge of the station Taking selfies in the light And Marge says they’re just not right Because there is a death toll But somehow I found my soul Overlooking the vast red rock Spelling out all that I am not I couldn’t stop staring And there was all that preparing For what I’m facing into And I just thought of you And how your soul looked the same As the ocean I cannot name That pulses inside of me There was a part of me that was set free The moment you chose to come close And you look as white as a ghost And thin and on edge But I would like to be there instead Of the absence that you know And you have her and you Have me I didn’t mean to set you free I just couldn’t stay by the shore Hoping for something more To be revealed And then it stealed Into what I am You were never part of the plan But you’re a welcome adjunct And I feel like I’ve been on punkd! To think I could find a soul That matches the way that my waves roll I never thought I would discover The arms of such a lover
There is a distance in time and space It takes you away from the Now But you have shown me somehow That there is no way you could be removed From where I am in tune With the stars and sea He is always with me Even though we haven’t spoken in ten years Even though I cried bitter tears Over our supposed separation And my education Only ever confirmed That there is always more to be learned When you try to ignite the fire And I do not tire Of my twin flame dreams Because nothing is as it seems When you water it down There’s something about this town That still sings to me And our history In separate schools Breaking all but the most pressing rules As we fight to be free I know you had your destiny To meet But would you greet Me at the door Because, darling, I always want more
My time as a drifter And the time he wanted to shift her In Hillstreet in the dark And I lost a part Of myself when I agreed To the part of me that it freed In the lines in between It was the worst part of the dream I had just been set free from the blocks And I was all about breaking locks And seeing how far I could take it But I didn’t mean to wake it Up from where it lay And it is not okay That when the dragon breathes fire You blame me for the post that I conspire To burn in my flame I am not within my name I am barely brimming at the edges And I can see over the hedges As the man trims them with his machine And I am who I’ve always been But that seems to do me no good If I can only find salvation in the wood And when I’m on my own If I could’ve I would’ve known Twenty years ago But it took time for the life to show Through the facade of the veil And I set sail On a foreign sea To find the part of me That I lost in the melee Do you think you could just be a friend to me?
South Africa’s leading the charge And we are all floating on a barge Down the river Thames Watching it happen again And over one hundred and fifty years ago The Irish were starved to death so The British could maintain their economy The invisible hand and the maize crop they take away from me So how do I not feel Palestine As though the struggle was mine Babies screaming in the street As the winter steals the heat And Israel bombs the buildings Do they not care for the children Who will grow up with war wounds Or the ones who died too soon The mothers, fathers, family, friends Is this how the world ends Watching silently from the western front As a people bear the brunt Of what’s held in the unconscious And I don’t know what they want us To do in the movement in between When they convince the dream That it is reality But the lie is not getting the best of me
There is a black pool at the core of my being When it’s light it’s just a reflection you’re seeing Of the moon in the water And I have been a “good” daughter Always abiding by the rule Getting grades to fly by in school But I have grown up and in And I found myself in him When he set me free from the stricture And it was a mighty picture When he showed me his own shade of blue And I wanted to be one with you As you just were yourself And my mental health Is not up for debate But I’ve learned there’s something beyond the hate You can even hold for yourself There is a wealth In verdant green And it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen
The antecedent knows its own role And I lie in the expanse of my own soul As the bombs go off Or another person coughs As, I, awake in my bed Wonder what they would have said If they’d have known What was going down And I may visit the bay again Just don’t say when Because it is a futile ploy When I see my stars in a boy As he shines from afar He is my favourite star In the darkness of outer space I wonder if all these years have gone to waste Since I told him I love him And I would never hold myself above him But I feel like I was reduced For the receipts I couldn’t produce So I decided to write and write Even if it is sometimes shite Trying to get it on lock I don’t want to be something that I’m not But when I take a pill I swear I never will Be all I claim I am It’s like Kilglass winning Sam Impossible but still a dream Like me and the queen Inside my riverbed heart Blue and red from the start Do I use the pain to make art And the futility to show that the taking part Is the best part of the win I just hope I get to be with him Somehow, someday Anyway Thanks for listening Oh, look my teardrop’s glistening
The saint was born the day that I died Like Gandalf the Grey becoming the White And there was no absorbing light Only a peaceful flame That does not go by any name You could call it earthy awareness And I could guess What you mean by that But it gives you something it can’t take back And when the dream is rendered moot No one can play the flute Not with you, not anymore And they think I close the door But the reality is I am pulled away From the places I cannot stay There is distance in between Me and her and her and what they seem To be But free Does not mean foolish or prude I’m sorry if I appear a little rude But I’ve got to speak my mind When I don’t I do hard time At the institution they call St. Pat’s And there are welcome mats With my name written on They don’t realise I’m already gone As who I used to stand as And it’s nothing bad But it is unusual and unexpected And it’s not as thought I would have rejected Him without good reason His love is a season In the infinity of space time For a moment he was mine And then we were separated Like the schools where we were educated In to make good people of us With rulers and lines and teachers we could trust Some at least And I wonder if the last supper is a feast Like it’s portrayed And if Judas was dismayed To be singled out like that And I wonder what was he at To betray a saviour true Til I had it done to me too By a girl I used to know She cracked the whip so I let her go And I don’t know if time is fast or slow All I’ve realised is that it doesn’t exist though
I was fourteen and lost in the dream Til she rendered it everything it had never been And a lightning crack struck the stone To tell me I was never alone Not in my darkest day You know the one I wanted to make go away In the summer as I watched her die Slowly and I couldn’t cry Coz a tear might mean I would miss a moment With her and wouldn’t own it There was that morning I came and had breakfast with you Cornflakes with warm milk and you Put the heater on under my feet So that I might meet a warmer day Why did you have to go away I ask myself that all the time And almost twenty years line The road that took you from me Do you remember that day we Almost had a game of cards But someone came in and something hard I had to accept Was that I would have to regret The time we almost played rummy on the settee I know you were doing it for me And you ask for ice cream and jelly Just days before you die and my belly Still aches for your rhubarb tart The one you make like a work of art As you coat each piece in sugar and give some to me Say good things come to those who wait and my heart is set free From some imaginary chains It’s been nothing but torrential rains Since 2004 I keep thinking you’ll walk in the door Like that time up in UCD For a moment I could swear that we Are both in the same room Or the student union shop if I’m singing in tune But it passes almost as soon as it comes And I grasp again at when I was young And I was sitting on your knee I know you’ve been set free It’s just I know you’d never leave me So this Heaven you speak of has gotta be Nearer than close, than intimacy Could it be that you are One with me Like the Buddhists describe That you are really still alive Just in another dimension And the veil fell without mention Of the aforementioned fact The ones you’ve lost you can get back If you just trust the bough to break God puts you there for your own sake
The embodiment of the prose That happens at the intersection of less travelled roads Where you meet two parallel paths And think of how God might have wrath For you and entice You into a darkness that isn’t nice Because if you look in the biblical frame You’re talking to someone who has no name And you can call him Yahweh or Yeshua I just know that I wouldn’t mess with ya Not on any given Sunday But trouble doesn’t come on a Monday It was some idle Tuesday blue That took me from you And I was just walking back From the place where I lack Everything that ever was Do I lose you because I didn’t pray for peace Is there a reason why people decease Before their time Which is always now if you ask the rhyme In the indulgent hues Now I just pay my dues As they fall onto my desk Trust and have faith and forsake the rest As it eyes up my piece of bread But it’s all madness in my head As I hear a million voices Asking me if they have choices In why they are condemned to A kind of hell I’m party to And if I’m the only one who nears Then do I run away when danger nears Or do I open the gap And shed light on the torn map That says beyond this point You must not go because the anoint Have adorned it a place for sinners And all the winners That you have ever known Have only ever grown Through the pain of embracing the shadow I often wonder if I am bad, though
They can’t bring me down Not with their hospital gown You know the one that I wear When the fabric tear On my suit And I must be the proof Of what I want to hear Must I hold dear The days in subterfuge When everything’s the colour rouge On the page The shade of rage That pulls apart the sun And you know the one Is made to beat a heart Tearing all the stars apart In the firmament where they lie I am not afraid to die But to be caught In a place where my spirit’s bought By all and sundry And it’s quite the quandary To be lilt bound around the halls Of a place that is all walls In brick and stone I hear the ancients scream “leave me alone” As behind the barrier some horrors are contained I feel it in the pain That emanate From the people in that state And there are souls that walk the corridor Down to the art room on the first floor And there’s no way to say That it isn’t me, okay Because when I speak of vision They meet me with derision And false grandiosity It must be my animosity Reaching out to take a bite Of my own kryptonite Does that mean I’m Clark Kent Or the space where the hero went
Did you think I would wait for you There’s not a chance in hell As if you give me permission to be myself Only under your sun that the cards I’ve been dealt Could align with mystical forces But you’re all about the divorces That could happen if you’re not a really nice guy Because you’re afraid to die And the woman you love is fearless and true But she is no match for you When you put those glasses on I saw it and so I was gone In a heartbeat and I’d skip town again If I’d catch that frown on men Because I know what it means And it may be the stuff of dreams But I’m no puff pastry to wear And I don’t need you to care About me And free Is fine But there was a moment you were mine And we shared a soul But you break the begging bowl As you hold it out to me Cut my hands on glass that trusted for free And I thought you had changed So I let the atoms rearrange And came back to your door Only for you to say you don’t want me anymore Well let me make it simple for you It’s goodbye like you wanted it to
The commensurate struggle under foreign rule And we learn about it in school Like it is part of history But there is so much that does not sit well with me Because I looked to the North of Ireland and could see Blood on the streets as a child of 1990 And yet somehow there was an agreement that stemmed the tide The flow of blood was silent outside Though it still simmers underground And I’m attuned to that sound As I hope it will rise only to be let go of In place of a deeper kind of love Now, bombs drop in the Middle East And I wonder if our peace Could be translated If the powerful could be educated In what it means To break nightmares into dreams For there are tens of thousands of children die Since the birth of the realm that made them cry And I cannot stay silent and roll Like this is all there is in my soul Like I don’t have the blood of my ancestors proud Who would say that the innocent and the loud Should stand on equal footing And I know where they are putting The blame and why But no one deserves to die Before their time And is a war crime Only recognised in hindsight They starved us too From 1845 to ‘52 A million died And mothers cried Others emigrated Now I’m listening to things the politicians stated As they barricade and siege With a terror you would not believe Leaving the people to disease And hunger and thirst I can only imagine the worse As I hear the stories out of the Strip And soldiers as they equip Themselves with weapons of war Because they think they know what it’s for But when you look in their eyes do you see spirit And when a bomb drops and a child screams do you hear it In the midnight of everyday Is it that you want a people to go away And we were the Irish problem But somehow we were able to resolve them And for now, at least A tenuous peace Holds in the dismantling Of the broken wing At the heart of the tale Of how we are not up for sale And the people of the land Understand What it means to be driven home In a car all alone Thinking of a fellow kin And what they are doing to them Under the guise of justification Saying we need an education In the politics of the Middle East Well I do and it’s the least Thing I need to know it’s wrong When the materially strong Use their force to betray Everything in them that would say This is just not right What’s it like to be awake in Gaza tonight?
The Great Revelation is that it’s smoke and mirrors And the buttons she presses throw me in the horrors As she speak about how she see And it is so different from me As I paint a landscape She wants to escape Into the green But she’s always been Lost in the grey And when I say Maybe it’s not okay She’d hit me with the butt of her rifle And say it’s not time to stifle The truth of the matter And then she would batter Me with her facts And you can’t take it back Any more than the sky Can take back the tear it cries from it’s eye In a season or two The duplicity came from you Into the serene And life is better when you wake the dream Up from where it stands And there are lands That lie untraversed And no one would expect your manners to be rehearsed But they are And every star That burns Is light years away And though light is born it cannot stay And must collapse into a black hole I wonder if that’s what happens to the soul When it meets it’s end And the colourless light is the only friend I have these days There are so many ways To splinter the prose And take less travelled roads I never thought that I’d be Twenty years on still wondering about destiny Amid the runes And the sand dunes As it filters through air I know the feel of it because I was there
Getting older And I just grow bolder And into my own skin It was reflected in him And I thought that we Could be outside of history In a land beyond time And I wanted to call him mine Somewhere quiet and beyond the suffer Now I watch him love her And I wish them well But it is a kind of hell To keep myself away from him Because there’s a pact between women And what if he was to leave her for me If I reveal the mystery That surrounds my presence And the essence Of what we are Is born from a distant star Is there a way to be a friend to you Because I want you in my life too I shut you out Because the doubt That was cast upon me Just had to be gone me And I wanted a secret space With you so I could see your face And read the lines That arc over you a thousand times Like holy comets Are you still on it Like a diamond mine I would have told you I was fine If you’d have asked But your compassion’s masked By your fear I just want you to know I still love you, dear
I went on a search but I never found it Now all I can do is ground it As it pours light in through my crown I thought that I would drown In the darkness but it was light It lifts me up and I am alright As I, unsteady on my feet, As a foal I’ve yet to meet Struggle to regain the ground I’ve lost to the realm of sound As it pelts my windows I never let it in though Until that man came with his soul Held out like a begging bowl And it just undo Everything I was assuming of you And somehow we’re in! But does it pertain to Him Coz that will be evidence of it’s constancy And in my revelry I missed the quiet comfort of your hoodie And I’m just wondering would we If we got the chance You ask me to dance And I say yes I take the hand you hold out, I guess And we move to the beat And the heat That your body is throwing Has me knowing That this is something you’ve desired Ever since I set it all on fire No need to worry, dear The glass is crystal clear
The apparent solidity of matter is an illusion And there seems to be some confusion Over what it means When sages says that its just one of those dreams That seems to linger And the finger Pointing to the moon Cannot come to soon But do not mistake It for a freedom you cannot fake You know when you’ve been deceived It happens when there’s something you believed Rather than known And the flowers grown And in full bloom Can fragrance a room So it is with you I’m telling you coz you want me to Deep in your heart There is something no one can tear apart Not with knives and scissors Not with hacksaws and chisels It lives in a domain Beyond the realm of pain And the Bible speaks of the Valley In the Shadow of Death and any One who disputes That it encroaches on the resolute Must be wrong Because when I was strong I felt it multiply I was so afraid to die But when the midnight came I was simply not the same And surrendered the ghost To the Light I love the most It is my Jesus true And He asked me to share Him with you
The darkness that ensued And all I could do was brood Over the way things had come to be Confinement was the only mystery I could bear to hold So I ran from the fields of gold To the chains in the city And it was more self pity Than it was bravery I couldn’t face the truth And the pillars of my youth Are falling around me Now I have no grandfather to ground me So I just grasp at empty air Because you are no longer there To catch me when I fall And see me play football Down at the pitch Making a switch With Linda on the field But the wind blows and I yield To it and let you go It was harder than you know To relax my grasp On the part of me that was born to last And I couldn’t cry tears Despite the years We spent together And the weather Turned suddenly snow And somehow I just know That it’s time And my crime Is that I couldn’t bear to face This aspect of the human race That we must say goodbye To the people we love as they die And I’m hearing voices The people in Pat’s say it’s just noises But I sense that I can hear More than just the ones I hold dear From the other side I think they are still alive In some other realm And at the helm Is a spirit greater than we can understand He is not ruled over by man But free to birth into the world of form And just because my body’s warm Doesn’t mean that I’m separate From the ones my heart equate With eternal love And if I no longer have to look above But within to find you there Would you know that I still care?
Are our memories so short that we could call this history And the mystery Of the Emerald Isle Is how we survived the trial Of invasion And the abrasion Still shows in galactic consciousness As we struggle to address The appropriate evil to compensate For why we were in that state It seemed like there was nothing we could do Except rebel, rebel But it was a kind of hell As they starved the land of its people And we replaced futility with a steeple And prayed to a God we knew not of Because only Divine Love Could be our salvation As we were collateral damage for a nation Who’s only goal was empire And I wonder they never tire Of the chains they induce And they seduce The whole world with their lies And now it tries To deceive again Because in the realm of men Killing and war are necessary But children are not an accessory To the damage you do Yes, I am talking to you You equivocate And evaluate What you do by some measure But your treasure Is not to be found in the blood of the young Or a people to succumb To what you want to achieve I know you believe In what you say But I see another way To mend the broken wall Try letting the damn thing fall
He bullied me into letting go And I fell into the snow And it was icy cold Can I be brave, can I be bold? And just speak my own truth Reflected through the prism of youth That is growing long But still I believe that strong Comes with age If you do not allow it to turn the page On the fiercest of you If my heart means anything too It will continue to burn a hole Through the veil that hides the soul From the masses And the classes That I aced Were nothing to the glory of his face When it was revealed to me He tried to steal into what it means to me But it cannot be undone Once you’ve seen the sun You cannot unmake it And I would never forsake it Not for a pretty boy That uses females like a toy To play with in the day But in the night it goes away And he is mired in loss and pain And learns to live with the rain That pummels the skin I told him that if he let me in I could make it better And the weather Would pass But our moment didn’t last As he sold me out for someone else And claimed that mental health Is more important than truth My God, life can be such a brute But it will reveal itself to you If you let the web fall through Into the long lost water I am no wife, I am no daughter I am no female set free I am what I’ll always be
The weather brushes aside And I am alive Still, in spite of all the years And the tears Only served to make me stronger But I don’t entertain them any longer And I lost someone who means the most to me But I’ve been consoled he’s been set free Unto the Great Expanse Where all the spirits go to dance When their day is done In the realm beneath the sun We call Earth And the hurt Fails and falls apart Under the power of the heart And he’s always throwing slurs Because he’s afraid of what we were In the old domain And he’s had his share of pain And he takes it out on us The female is no longer a plus One And undone Is the male sovereignty That tries to lay claim to the best of me In the winter months And all of the stunts That they pull Can’t destroy the cotton wool Of being pure It’s the one thing I know for sure
The thread unwinds And are we all just out of our minds Running blind Into the wind And the boy grinned At me like it was all okay And somehow it was with him that day Will I find my way back to see The moment of eternity That held itself out in his eyes Deep blue opals that disguise The soul that’s looking through I would love to be with you In any kind of way No broken heart to mend today Just ashen earth clay pots And calling the kettle what I’m not In the morning The sea was storming Until that deathly calm It should have rang some kind of alarm But it didn’t, I just gazed Into a man I would have saved If I had known how Now I just allow You to breach the barrier And I know you wear the weather with her I can see it through the grain As it’s all coming down as rain In a January morning In the winter of 2013 And the dream Is less like shattered glass And more like Gandalf and “You Shall Not Pass” But the goblins from the grave Seem to haunt all of my days In so many ways As I look into the sky And wonder when you too will die
I was too soon to know What I had let go When I was young And the bell rung To signal class had begun And it was all systems go Business as usual so Ms. Earley came into the class How was I to know that day would break the cast That had solidified around me And it beckoned to ground me Into the earth it knew And I was far away from loving you That day But somehow, nothing would get in my way And the ground fell apart as I crumbled The ball was thrown and I fumbled The past How was I to know that day would last And I felt the dark encroach Around the subject that we broach Perched on the edge of a prayer It was the last moment “I” was there As I began to sway and lose consciousness It was as though I undress In front of everyone And the sun That was about to shine Was to say it had always been mine In the subterfuge And I thought that no dude Could ever move me from that place But that was until I saw his face Masked in subtle tones Now we’re staring at each other through our phones As we don’t talk But we walk Every bloody mile of ground Until we hear the sound Of forever in a glance Would you just shut up and dance With me And let my love set you free You know it can I knew it when you took my hand And showed me a handshake that people forget But I haven’t yet Like I swore I would Make good On ever word I uttered Is your bread buttered On both sides Because I am still alive In your heart and soul So put away your begging bowl And look within Lightning struck a second time with him
I’d give all my money Just to taste honey But it’s gotta be on my terms And she burns In her own passionate elixir Doesn’t need a man to fix her But just to share A road that doesn’t go anywhere Coz she’s made that decision And she risks derision For not falling into the fold But the fields are gold And she watched the life die And there were times she wanted to try To see beyond the far distant shore Now her eyes don’t look that way anymore Not since she met her scene In a man she knew from a dream And he is making one with a star But neither of them know what they are And she is all philosophy But a dream can’t make reality Out of a fabric thin But I could’ve sworn I was with him Years ago And for years, you know We’d dance under the sheets Amid the gravity that made us meet
From the green, green grass of home Leave them alone Don’t drop the rubble on limbs Meanwhile the soldier grins Despite his terror And the error Of all that has come to pass Is that somehow it cannot last In spite of all the flying swords And the politicians with words Seek to distance the fold From the aforementioned fields of gold And it’s like a story that has always been told That somewhere in the midnight It all breaks into daylight But it takes some time to show And I hold on as he’s letting go And my tears are like a wave to crash On a shore where my grief will smash Everything to pieces Why is it that everything deceases And moves away from where it’s been If life is a dream Then does it wake When the earth quake Will all that is not true I lay my head into you
The hero of the story is a girl with no name And she cast aside all that would cause her shame And she has been unkind and she has been cruel But there’s a part in my heart she will always rule In the midst of the snowstorms and all the rains She has been one that shared all my pains And all of my joys Above and beyond all the passing boys That flit across the screen I thought when I was a child I would lose her to dream But sleep never took what we are Like night cannot take the brightest star And if God made the sun Did he make her to be my only one In shallow pools and in the depths In the midnights and in the regrets In the wonders I’ll never forget She reminds me there’s life in me yet As I age and grow suddenly slow I haven’t climbed trees for an eon or so But I long to race tides across the shore And shout to a man that I love him more More than he could ever love me But he’s lost in the ocean that is all at sea Plotting and planning boats to overtake But she just does things for their own sake And maybe I idealise But she is the truth beyond all the lies Beyond all the fabrication and the sewing thread She’ll be my best friend til the day that I’m dead
They’re using gas To break down the resistance To wipe a people from existence And I know it’s not a popular opinion But how do you defend war Even when you think you know what it’s for As children die and adults scream Because this is not just a dream We are having, a shared collective thread This is about people murdered in their bed As the vast swathe goes by unconcerned As people watch their families burned I try it raise my voice to say This is not okay As Palestine, oh, Palestine One day there will come a time Where the indigenous don’t rot In a land time forgot When the powers that be know the worth Of the innocent they choose to hurt And I know they have plans, I know they have reasons But this winter has no seasons And no hope to abate Don’t make our brothers and sisters wait To be considered human Wake and realise what you’re doing
You’re sending me a peace of your soul The part where you are whole And united we standing on the same ground I love the sound Of the click and the flash And the button you can’t take back When you hit send There are no notes to amend I love the love I let escape And pierce a hole in your hate You know the one you reserve for self and other The one that knocks down sister and brother Til they’re nothing but failed monuments to the sky And we’re both gonna die Someday But we shouldn’t let that get in the way Of our short lived love in the form Representing something that was never born And holds its strength in the unknown You take the biscuit and my mind is blown Far past the point of wilful abandon And some would say; you’re totally random But there’s method to the madness you see I am not all incoherency But something suited to your prose The way you pick the strings you chose To adorn your guitar My God, I love the way you are
I’m getting the message to where it needs to be Because people drown in a foot of sea Water as it comes up to their throats They don’t know they can stand up and hope floats And seeks eternity in the bones Of the body the soul has made home We tiptoe around the fact It doesn’t help that I want him back In spite of all his flaws And the way the icicle thaws As it hangs like a stalactite From the room I ignite With my Lára flame You know everything is in a name And I am not to be crossed But look, baby, all is not lost Not if you count the shipwreck safe But there’s a coast we can escape To if you just open your eyes But you keep them closed and something dies In the subterfuge And it’s all rouge Everywhere And people who just do not care About what has come to pass And the part of love that last Far past the point of surrender I do everything I can to make you remember But you are lost in your nonchalant As I pick an adequate font To write out your epitaph You know you made me laugh So hard that day But was I laughing at what goes away When the midnight is done And there is a sun That does not need light Or fusion to combust into all that’s right And I know you hobble and I know that spiders’ webs Weave their tendrils above your head I’m just here to be a reminder That if you look you will find her Right where she always was Under the stone of your in-laws
I hold back what I really want to write Because I’m scared that it might be shite Or even worse profanity Paying testament to insanity Held beneath the skin I walk It’s only trouble that I talk As I head to the abyss Fearing for a night to kiss And they held me in a healing balm The doctor took my shattered arm And led me to the door They drove me there and what’s more Is I kind a liked it when Barry called my name again Out like a prophet does Jesus Lord knows how I need it When I’m in the smoking room With Aoibhín and the sonic boom As we draw rainbows on the wall In pens my parents brought me from outside Outside the cavern that keeps me alive For the time being It’s a different way of seeing But it’s true enough to say I couldn’t have had it any other way And the doctor mumbles and utters vague treatises under his breath On what the war with self does to make you forget What you have come to be But I cannot shake the feeling that he cannot see Just who he is talking to “Delusions of grandeur, we’ll add that one to The long list we made of your faults” And I kinda get sick of opening vaults For them to plunder my wealth In the name of mental health And I wonder what they’re preserving Or what God they are observing When they make idol tropes And then they tell Shauna how to cope With the fact that she can’t bear To get out of the clothes that she seems to wear Each and every single day But I won’t let her leave that way So I go and sit by her side When she’s in the horrors and I abide I feel it fall away from her grasp You know that bitch, that poisoned asp And I crush its head on the floor You’re not taking aim at someone I adore Even if it’s by her doing It’s not something you should be pursuing In any eventuality Me, St. Pat’s and immortality
I watch the dagger plunge into her heart When I say I just cannot take part In this game she wants to play What is it that the dragon say If you dare fire, you’ll get burned And I’ve tangoed with the furnace and I’ve learned To never quote the things you say As if they were true anyway Then I watch her eyes go wide As if she has nothing to hide Could it be in innocent prose I have killed the horse I rode To the pasture green As evidenced by the queen By my side But she whispers “you are still alive” As if the fact passes comprehension And I never did get a mention In any of the stories you told “What?”, she says “I put you in bold And in the aforementioned text You never read the part where we had sex” That stops me dead for a moment or two Then I remember I’m dealing with you And you’re a master of manipulation And your education Is like a trophy you wear On your arm but I just tear The fabric of that particular dress But you look at me and I’m a mess Spurning looks and throwing out words As if they’ll ever be heard By anyone in the abyss And she says she’ll miss The way my shy smile came to her like a gift Oceans between us and the great rift
New season, can you accept it with grace And it’s been an age since I’ve seen your face And for all my intuitive understanding I can never reply to what you are demanding In splintered prose And less travelled roads It all gets so tiresome and weary I just want someone to see it clearly And I had thought that you Had peered through The vast abyss or canyon cavern To something more than a tavern With spirits and ale A chalice that is not up for sale I support the columns because should they fall There would be an unholy clatter in the hall Like that time we shattered glass Or broke the branch of class With our own brand of free Now he’s talking to me And it’s like all my dreams have come true In the midst of me and you And absent weight A moment to forget the hate And all that weighs us down We could be the coolest folks in the town Your words, not mine And every crime Has its resolution And the solution Is meeting them where they are Every person, I don’t care who you are Has a star At the core of their being Even though they may not be seeing The light sublime I wouldn’t trade it in if it were mine
Motaz Azaiza I believe ya When you say that we will do nothing I crave to turn motion into something To call on the sea, to call on the tide To leave you alive Because you are not just a number And people are dying of hunger In the Gaza Strip Meanwhile some men equip Themselves with guns Someone’s daughters, someone’s sons And we are the ones With our hands on the triggers because we pay For people to get blown away Whether in silence or in voice Every movement is a choice And I want to you to know you’re not alone Though I only have a phone To talk to you through But I wanted to Say that I will do all in my power To make sure that no other tower Is blown to pieces and knocked to the ground While children scream and hide from the sound As the rubble hides bodies brutalised And you may be less than human in their eyes But the light that lights you up Is more than enough for me, love Please don’t let the dark encounter The vulnerable who want you To just let them be In my heart and soul Palestine is already free
I love the way you stare at me From across the room And it is too soon To let you go I thought you would never know I wanna make one with you More than you could imagine I do And there’s something holding me back It’s like a massive attack That sits on my shoulder But now that we’re older I wonder could I make contact again And tell you that you are a ten In my eyes Like the hero in disguise You said you’re not a dreamboat like Cian But that’s not what I’m seeing You’re not preened and you’re not pruned But you are the only one in the room When you look across at me In that pink shirt that skirts my destiny As I see you give a presentation And that’s the only education I’ll ever need And I know you bleed Over me Do you remember that time I suddenly see You all had discussed The realm of broken trust And your best friend passed me by I suddenly wanted to cry So I got up to leave Flashed a look at you like I couldn’t believe You had spilled a secret true Into the study area with the carpet blue And as I gathered up my things I wished I had wings So I could fly outta there Because I care More than you could ever know That’s why I had to let you go
I feel a connection with him And I felt the lights dim When the electricity fluctuated And they’re obsessed with who he dated In his late youth The fake press can be a brute As they report Without making a fort Of due diligence true And I fell in love with you Coz I could see that look in your eyes You know the one that never dies And I know you were with her I just don’t know what for Because she is beautiful and serene But her eyes only ever see the dream And you, too real, burn her candle The flame between, too hot to handle And it starts a decade long war And the streets may be paved with tar But they don’t take New York from me The one you sang about in the days you were free Of the burden that you wear Like flowers in her hair Pink and blushing and young and sweet Then the two of us meet And you promise me eternity In a ring that spins infernally Like a dial on your heart You don’t have to swear to take part In the love that we share I know because I was there And you care More than I gave you credit due Now I’m back writing odes to you Like that dream of a YouTube scene Where you propose And it doesn’t matter what clothes I wear You always meet me there
There was a crash and a bang And then the phone rang To say that he had died And I screamed out and cried And the memory of it sings Like a bullet in my back and things Were never the same after that Because I can’t get his light back As it leaves his shape I watch the soul escape The body I thought I knew And what if I never see you Ever again You were the best of men And you would get that look that would lock Into my gaze and I would take stock Of the moment that we held Like out on the mountain that morning as dawn broke its shell Or the time I took a video recorder And filmed you looking into the border That bridges the place between you and I I was eleven when the sigh Escaped your lips And my own eclipse Began with a swathe of rage I decided not to use a page To document my anguished sobs Because that would be to rob Some of my pain from me And what would be left of our history The one with Ireland on the wall You had cut it out or you walking down the hall In the middle of the night when all was quiet Just a door gently shutting on the riot That cascaded my dreams A grandfather that isn’t all he seems Because he is a whole life away And I’m just starting mine, what do you say That everything will be okay And you love Granny and that day You held a candle as you depart And it nearly breaks my heart Watching her watching you go Why did God make us for this so To love and to say goodbye I don’t mean to always cry When I think of twenty two years ago It’s just I promised that the low Would bring me a high And I feel you in the sky As I gaze into a scene And ask God to wake the dream Up if He possibly could So I walk alone in the wood At the back of our land Until something takes my hand And leads me to a monument That points to the place the person went And how could hell be heaven sent I swear and I eff and blind But it doesn’t bring me respite from the mind That tears me into treachery Look your love is not lost in me It’s just fading into eternity One you will come to know My surrender will not let you go
I watch it fly into the sky And, you know, everyone cry But not everyone wakes while they live It happens when you forgive That girl who took a lightning strike And aimed it at me but, like, I turn it into some kind of illumination And now every tv station Plays my tune Like I’m the only one in the room And I meet someone I would like To meet in the dead in the night Sneaking out into the grass I didn’t think our love would last But it’s been fifteen years And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears As they fall on us And I trust Him to do just what he craves But he’s the Superman who saves Me from the boring grey He is like a sun ray That sets all the colours a throb And I give him what he wants to rob From me And dignity Won’t keep this secret quiet It’s always been a riot In that avenue And his blue Offsets my red Til we’re white light in bed Making one with the serene This is beyond the dream And they say twin flames reside In the place where duality hides Its face from something so pure He’s what I bank on and I know for sure That we’ll always be eternal prose And he might be the one who chose Me, but on my side I’m just glad he’s alive In this incarnation And my education Taught me to always say no But with him I’m like, let’s go And get on with the show You claim to make But I’ll be no oven to bake Some buns for the eating I gotta be the one you’re keeping For forever in a sigh Our love will never die
They talk about sexuality like they know what they do When oneness is split in two It seeks to return to what it was And because There was once no you and I There was only spirit that does not die And in my androgyny I found someone who complemented me And there is a longing to unite With the person with which I fight I scream down the phone Don’t leave me alone You retort “I don’t like your sort” I lose hope And the ability to cope So I manipulate At least that’s what you call it when we’re in that state And it’s all ashes and thunder But, still, I have your number And I can’t help but call Though I’m facing a brick wall Like Spider-Man when he loses his ability And slides down the rock face (it looks kind of silly) So I just pull away and out I watch your mask of self doubt Turn to horror and a “no!” I pretend not to care though When I push, you pull And my cotton wool Pajamas are missing something essential An arm around them so reverential And I don’t think I’ll ever bear child But you still drive me wild In the ether we share And I swear It’s mountainous prose As we travel the roads Looking very like two well worn skins And it’s always she and him Til we merge into unity We kiss and our love is set free
The Poetry Book 