I don’t know if you’re watching here
But I want you to know I love you, dear
And I feel you close as the skin
The arms, the legs, the body I’m walking in
And you touched my soul more than I can announce
I try the words but I can’t pronounce
The monumental you mean to me, love
Let me meet him again I ask God above
I could be overestimating my appeal
Like the man is gorgeous, he’s a steal
It’s just I’ve got this gut intuition
That I could be gunpowder to his ammunition
And is it all attraction or is it something more
I could see myself calling to his door
And answering him when I pick up the phone
Not have to spend every minute alone
But he clasps my words like it’s my hands
He’s spaciousness and he understands
Though he may have made a blunder or two
He’s got my number and I’m replying to you
I’m as see through as a pane of glass
And I can see through you, you don’t have to ask
What exactly is on your mind
I left the world I left behind
And grew up into walking shoes
To hold my own and pay my dues
In seasonal or in holiday stance
And I’ve got to say I’ve enjoyed the dance
As you tic tac toe in front of me
Mr. Awesome or so I see
As you lean in close to meet my word
And I wonder what it is you heard
Coz it echoes against these cavern walls
In holidays and free for all’s
You knock on my door with your suit and tie
Stand up for what can never die
And I take your arm as we walk to the dance
Is loving you a sort of chance
Or risk I’m taking out on the pier
Letting a man come near
Close enough to break my heart
By giving him a share or part
Of what I’ve held in from the sky
I’m not playing games, I don’t lie
But I hold back because the fear
Is great enough to kill me, dear
And my heart It pounds in my chest
As I forsake the rest
To say I will and I do
When I’m looking straight at you
In eyes held tight at the altar
The time is now though it gets shorter
To see the mist advance with age
Though I can’t run from a blank page
That bids me just to tell the truth
And it’s not so bad giving way to youth
That is passing like a sea of storm
You’re more to me than a bed that’s warm
You are an immortal being
Though these images that I’m seeing
May make you want to run a mile
Or, I dunno, maybe just smile
And laugh and say isn’t that the way
You look at me and I’m okay
I fight with my femininity
It evokes love
But I can’t tie myself
To any of the above
Only open my heart
For peace to be shared
Open my notebook
To say that I cared
And that I’m not
In this quiet, tight space
But dreaming of days
When I touch your face
Telling you all
You mean to me
Not closing the door
So you can be free
And I know that I have put out
More than I take back
And I have been hobbling
Over what I lack
But the sight of you
Is like a comet true
And I’m shaking just thinking
Of what I would do
If you were mine
To have and to keep
To wake up beside
A good nights sleep
And you’re kind and you’re awesome
I’ve been keeping you away
I look down at my feet
Coz I don’t know what to say
And you tell me I’m lovely
And beautiful
He left me empty
Now I am full
Of a joy that’s brimming
Full of trust
Can I come in, baby
It’s a must
And you look at me
As if I defy
The life I’m leading
As some kind of lie
But I just wanna be
Myself again
A woman in
A world full of men
Telling me how
I should contain
This heart of mine
That’s broken with pain
But shining with gold
As I repair
The parts of myself
That knows you are there
That knows there is kindness
And there is truth
More than monuments
I’ve built to our youth
And nobody knows
Or can describe
The feeling of loving
Breath when you’re alive
And I’m haunted by loss
And the threat of death
Keep living days
Full of regret
Coz I can’t control
The passing of seasons
Or people with pride
And a bowl full of reasons
And is it insincere
To proclaim my devotion
To the silence
In all the commotion
As I feel the movement
Of a pin drop
Signaling winter
Or the moment to stop
And take in an aside
Of all we’re meant to be
I didn’t know if you knew
So I’m letting you see
You’re running in my blood
You’re running in my veins
And it’s like the man said
That I am strange
Coz I just can’t be awful to make a point
I’m only messing, don’t knock yourself out of joint
In trying to be normal and to fit in
I come and go but it’s always him
I return back to in the midnight
Where there’s no need to ask if you’re alright
Coz you are and the stars shine from your sky
We’re together forever so there’s no goodbye
Waiting in the wings of a terrible dawn
When you wake up and realise that it’s all gone
Like the boy I loved when I was seventeen
But the wind escaped from a terrible dream
The one I roll in like the sea
When the current is demolishing me
Til all and sundry is broken and beaten
Like you have you’re cake but it will remain uneaten
And I never got to hold his hand
But the sight of him sure was grand
Til the brutal tide that won’t be surpassed
Came at me til I was harassed
Trying to get on with half an act
It’s like it was fucking awful and I can’t go back
To where I was before it began
And you become an also ran
Til I’m knocking my head against the wall
Coz I can find no silence in it all
But the peace it came and kissed my face
When I was an abject disgrace
When nothing could save me from defeat
I was run down and knocked off my feet
And I try to get back up and walk
It’s like telling the wind it has to talk
When it can only whisper nothings on the breeze
Do you know the feeling when your heart starts to seize
And you’ve got nothing but ragged breath
Saying to yourself there’s no regret
But just one that I ever let you go
And another that I never let him know
The true depths of feeling that pumps a course
My circuitry and the remorse
Here lies my truth, at least, so far
I walk away but I leave the door ajar
So you can come in if you need
Don’t think that I can’t see you bleed
Over there from afar
I’d love to pick you up in my car
So we could just go for a drive
Revel in the being alive
And you smile so truly I almost cave
Fall in love with who I try to save
As we walk the streets of Liverpool
And you’re helluva cool
And I could never understand
Why you decide to drop my hand
And let it all go to waste
Do I get to see your face
Again, not upon a screen
But as real as you could ever dream
Do I get to touch your skin
And let you know what I am to him
Coz we’re all flyers in the wind
And is there anyone who hasn’t sinned
In some great way or minor
You speak the truth and underline her
So that I know where to place my pen
Forever begins all over again
To the sound of Picturehouse
You command the screen, I click the mouse
But do you think that we could be
Together in a way that’s free
And I can’t deny the hold he has
But is it just karma and all that jazz
Is my soulmate someone, you
My twin flame to fly back to
Somewhere I thought I was
But there’s no reason for a just cause
Like the moment headlong too
When I just fell into you
And you laughing caught me there
I can tell by the way you hold my stare
That we are something for the age
Not writing on a white blank page
But laughter in the growing old
Making memories the future’s told
To all that we were back then
You were the best, can we do it again?
Alvarez looks like you, you know
And I’m thinking ‘bout you when I walk in the snow
As I wonder where in the world you might be
Looking out at the scene I think you see
Coz you’re diamonds, you’re shining, you’re just like a star
Oh, what can I ever say that you are
Coz you looked at me like you think that I’m fly
And will I meet you again while the sun’s still in the sky
While we’re both still young or at least not old
And my story of you will not be untold
Coz you’re golden, you’re fire, you’re burning red
And you seem to knock walls I’ve built in my head
Monuments to an age old crime
And I’m not convicted though I’ve done my time
Trodding through a heavy fold
You’re bought but baby you’re never sold
You’re the best of me
No defense, just like I’m free
As I stop you on the street
It’s freezing but do you feel the heat
As you’re stuck for something to say
And I look in your eyes, is that okay
And I see you pause
But I’m not breaking any laws
As I say I saw your pics
The moment, do you remember it
When you looked a questing answer
In the face as I dance her
Into your arms and out again
But do you swear we’ll always be friends
As I hit you up to just say hi
Here’s hoping that there’s no goodbye
I’m exhausted fighting the tide
Oh what does it mean to be alive
Is it treading water or surfing the waves
Is it falling down or being brave
Coz I cannot seem to find a story
When you look at it really that doesn’t adore me
As I question every facet of a different hue
It’s who I am not what I didn’t do
Living on the brink of a well worn facade
Diving deep beyond feeling bad
And finding the Heaven life has in store
You think this is it then it’s a bit more
And I don’t draw diagrams for fun
I’m all architecture and you’re the one
As we build and we break
But we own each and every breath that we take
And every step that we walk
We must be integrity not mere talk
But the sun on the land
Or the good looking lad in a band
That caught my eye
Oh, I feel I could fly
But doubt my wings
It’s all hyperventilate and wondrous things
As he meets my stare
Holds himself like he’s really there
And I cannot ignore
The unconditional that I implore
Not to leave me
And you wouldn’t believe me
If I told you the truth
The monumental and my youth
Do I really want you to come a little closer
You’re just like a ghost
With the flavors of nothing
And what I love the most
I see you shy away and I avoid
Being one of the girls
You’re not one of the boys
But you dance
Like Heaven has given you another chance
To be all you are
The wonderful bridge
Constellatory star
That just shines
Like gleaming diamonds in gold mines
I pick one up
But it just reflects the look of you, love
And we’re one again
Outside the realm of women and men
Just to be what is
He holds my hand and I am his
To recalculate
All that has me in a lowly state
Where do I walk
And is all my effulgence just mere talk
Do I live up to
The brigand that I saw in you
As you caught my hand
I catch my breath as you reprimand
Me for my trauma of being too much
I back away but I also clutch
You to me
Can you love the whole sea
When it’s not yours or mine
I felt crushed watching About Time
And I could feel a lion roar
Deep within me
Death the moment life begins me
As I sit up off the floor
What was that and what’s more
Who am I
How am I not to die
When this body walks I seem to move
But it’s just patterning on the groove
Of the effervescent
I hate to be described as pleasant
Coz it’s so lukewarm
And I am nothing if not a storm
Brewing over the hill
Do you know the moment if you’re not still?
We became like two dogs snarling
In the days I called you darling
And you spit your words out at me
I let you go free
Like we’re aching from our history
You and the mystery
As ages pass us by
And we love but we don’t know why
And we fight and we try
But we can’t forgive the lie
And you smile but it’s faint and half hearted
And I just remember when we started
And how it is so different now
I still see you through the wind somehow
I feel the fear pulse inside
Oh, the terror of being alive
And I try to talk with my anxiety
It seems it’s getting the best of me
As I shiver and shake
Then the earth quake
Bringing monuments to the ground
With a tremulous sound
But the peace knows how to ache
Until I love it for its own sake
And the reason why seems to elude me
It’s like it has to prove me
Wrong or right
But I can’t sleep at night
For thinking of him
And the heart has to win
No matter how it seems to be
Could it mean the world to me
Swimming in oceans in between
And if this is just a dream
Then why does it hurt so much
And maybe I’m out of luck
To be adverse with an advanced decider
I never thought you would hide her
Away from seeing eyes
To be the moment love despise
In a sudden realization
I flip the switch and change the station
To get my mind off of you
But it only makes me want to
Clasp your hand in mine
And I’ve been alone all this time
Coz I can’t bear to think of another fella
I’ve never been the type to call you yella
But why did you not tell me how you feel
Why did you try to cut a deal
And hold it tight with skin and bone
But you look like I could make a home
With you where we were
And I don’t know what for
But I feel the need to profess
Everything I wouldn’t confess
Way back when
Could you ask me that question again?
What if we’re living in Paradise
The green fields of our life
And he is tormented by the loss of Eden
And I was ardent in my believing
Til I met the moment in a night
And something did ignite
Burned like a fuse towards dynamite
Spinning ever closer to its own execution
I could tell the truth but it’d be a dilution
Of what I mean to say
I’d rather just point the way
And have you follow where I go
But my steps shake as I move slow
Across the ground of the room
There is so much more than doom
In the space that we share
There is true love and care
I feel I must speak up to say
It’s more than a myth and okay
I get that you have your own perspective
But my view is true and objective
Like a glass with no lens
You only see through it when you don’t defend
Yourself from what you mean to be
You just open up for free
And find it echo in your bones
Away from the beat of earphones
And all the noise that fills the day
It’s not a game or a power play
But something that must be known
I pull the curtains back and it’s shown
Depression cannot stifle this
Pain won’t call it quits
It stands and it walks
It lays down or sits
But this moving beast
I call my own
Is a kaleidoscope
Of light that’s thrown
Brash across the windowpane
And all the suffering is in vain
Because it cannot put out the light
Not even in the darkest night
Not even in the furthest blue
I still see colour in you
And you may note the degree
But it wasn’t earned by me
It fell like papers from my hand
An ocean in a grain of sand
That is roaring with the sea
You look up and it’s just me
But more and further do I be
Let’s rewrite future history
Idealism has me loving him
Through the wings of a new song
And I’ve only felt
Sparsely that I belong
In and out between the fear
Catching hold of what I hold dear
In the hopes that it won’t leave
And it’s little that I don’t believe
Coz it all pulses in my throat
And are we post rote
Learning now
I sit upon the bough
Of a leaning tree
To watch the sunset fade in front of me
And think it’s much like a life
That doesn’t get to happen twice
Unless you’re into that sort of thing
A reincarnation into the skin that swim
In the great ocean
And I’ve always been emotion
Trying to calm down
But I walk on solid ground
As my heart beats in my chest
Trust in God and leave the rest
Are you threatened by the female
Do you reverberate
Am I meant to give up
On myself in that state
Or is there a way
To be and grow
I gave you a chance
To have me, you know
But you turned away
From the dance
I split the boil
With a lance
Til all the pus
Came spewing out
The knife was quick
As my wit, no doubt
I just wanted to know if you left me a message
It’s nothing insincere
But I’ve been tripping the wire
Of in love with you, dear
And I know it’s a fallacy
And I know there’s nothing wrong
It’s just you gave me that rush
Like you thought I was strong
And I’m smiling to myself
As I’m sitting on the couch
Threw normal out the window
Of sanity to vouch
For me in the days
When the water is less clear
I had a dream of you
When your words made you seem near
But anyway and anyhow
I’ve got to let it go
I just wanted to uncover
These reams and reams of snow
So you’d know that in the winter
The sun burns just as true
You said that you liked me
Well, hey man, back at you!
Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep
The non spectacular nature of Now
Is something that makes me weak somehow
As I stare at the trees
They remind me to get up off my knees
And stand in the shine that is the sun
Like God is calling and I am the one
Who must walk the path of being still
And many things change, this never will
As the ochre of sunsets burn in your eyes
And there is a love that never dies
I found it on the green of the room
Across from the front hall and I attune
To the sound of Heaven’s bells
As they call out to me amid ne’er do wells
And I’m walking down paces on the avenues
I’m all red as they play the blues
In summertime or winter cold
I’m frozen at the age of not getting old
Enough of your reign over this land
I was honest and faithful, you were underhand
And you always find ways to point out my flaws
Say what’s underneath when the ice thaws
And you gave me pause
A moment to think about a hidden clause
In all you perambulate
Find a way to get out of that state
And into another
You were never close to being a brother
To me
And I see
All the design done deleteriously
Is falling into my palm
You were the storm before the Great Calm
We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget
There’s something superb on my window pane
And all of my fighting I have done in vain
Coz he’s waiting for me when I get home
And there’s nothing I ever have to do alone
And he’s sweet and innocent
Pausing and true
I let him fall into open arms and you
Are always there when I get back
There’s nothing in me that you lack
As you fail to find refuge in foreign seas
And get diagnosed with the dreamer’s disease
But it’s not make believe that he was there
And I found a diamond in true care
The burning furore that sits in my chest
The need to always be the best
And speak out what no one’s talking to
Is it wrong to put the spotlight on you
To shine away what’s been kept hidden
It’s beautiful, it is unbidden
And it’s longing just to find a home
You’re beautiful as you are, alone
Is it just a private grievance
Always holding myself back
Because I see the wings of angels
Ready to attack
For all I’m lost and holding
Forever to the degree
It’s infinitesimal
But it means the world to me
To see you reengage
With the world that you know
I’d be waiting for you
I said it to you slow
So the mountains bate their breath
And everything in between
Is like a summer in the winter
Or waking from the dream
He writes songs about the chad
And the Irish way of feeling bad
About it
But you couldn’t doubt it
When it’s falling from his lips
And it is an eclipse
From the depths of blue rivers run
There’s no way of seeing the sun
Not when he’s got a song
And I’ve gotta say there’s nothing wrong
With all I’ve grown up to be
It’s only now I’m starting to see
The landscape hidden from view
Thanks for sharing your vista
And I know I could’ve missed ya
But I just saw the sea
Rising up from the wintery
Snow that you’ve been freezing in
Abjectly shivering
But put your hands to the blaze
It’s a fire that’s learned to save
Is it too long left unspoken
I say, man, I’m only joking
But I’m serious as death can be
I loved you so I set you free
But I spend every moment wishing you were here
I love you so much, my dear
And I every time I fail to catch
I leave the door on the latch
Just in case you’ll walk in
And I make up stories of me and him
To keep me warm in the grey dark
And I just walked around Central Park
Wondering what was there to give
If there’s a life I can let live
But somehow moments in the stunning
And I’m just running, running
Away from this pain that caved inside
Is there a reason why I hide
From all I thought I knew
It all revolves around you
Is marriage the line I cannot traverse
And I can only watch them rehearse
And get ready for the big day
Pretend I don’t care anyway
When all I love is walking down the aisle
And seeing you turn and spill a smile
Into my eyes eternally
But you’re looking at her, not me
And I shouldn’t be jealous
Or covet what’s hers
It’s just you were mine
Amongst the firs
As we make Heaven
Come down to Earth
And I wash away
The pain that you hurt
With, to you and many
Now I see her in your gaze
And there isn’t any
Anything I can do to change
The way the molecules rearrange
To the sound of sulfur on your breath
Tinged with my greatest regret
Is this goodbye
Now I’m letting go
Of the pain that had me
Wedded to you, you know
And every tale
I keep in a locket
Is a symbol of
How they forgot it
Coz the season changes
And time renews
And what’s bad in the morning
Becomes old news
I click my heels together
When I hear your name
It’s been an ocean
And I won’t be the same
But loving you slightly
Will always be
Taking a dram
Of straight destiny
Like a bottle of vitriol
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains
That call me to be
Something new
And I don’t owe anything
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell
Before my youth is washed out to sea
I’ve got to stand up and proudly be me
And the ages tick like a clock
Only reflecting all that I am not
Coz the seasons keep changing on a wheel
And I keep saying no deal
Coz I know all that I’ll come to be
And it’s only on the surface that you cannot see
What’s brewing eternally
I feel myself sinking down into the midnight
The absence of perfume, the absence of light
The dawn of knowing what you cannot say
The reluctant acceptance of what cannot stay
And I know in the storm there is a break of day
And when you trust in God it’ll all be okay
But sometimes the ocean is just too deep
And I try to catch a few moments of sleep
Before I awaken with a start
Like everything good it comes from the heart
They’re selling an American Dream
But I’m walking on a moonbeam
As it guides my way home
And tells me I’m not alone
As I open out into the vast expanse
Perceive the space as the molecules dance
To make up the shape of me
The frame of what is memory
Held together by a subtle flaw
I wonder is ice real as it starts to thaw
You’re burning up the atmosphere
Like the ozone layer is clear
And fuck that bullshit, I spin the dial
And listen to you sincere
Coz the guy beside me loves me
And I love him too
But the worst of the weather
Means it is not you
And closing my eyes is all I can do
So that I won’t know
The places where I should not go
Though they call to me
An elephant graveyard or Eternity
Could you please give me a clue
You laugh and say the answer too!
I’ve got the fear of missing out on stuff
And most of that is love
Coz they’ve all got stars in their eyes
And I’m full of existential why’s
As Peter dances with me in the club
I may have kept the ticket stub
As he laughs when I say hi
And I begin to think he’s superfly
But it could never work coz it’s not the dream
And I’m holding out for what could’ve been
Don’t you think you’d know at first sight
And your smile is kryptonite
And there’s nothing more to say
Did I adore the way
Your reflection keeps the style
And I’m down for a long while
And I don’t understand why you’re still on my mind
When I thought that had left nothing in kind
And is it wrong to profess my dues
When I’m walking my own shoes
And have the rhythm of soul
And a heart of fire that’s burning with coal
Do you think we could be something still?
Even if you forget I never will
Do you really want to know what lies in Ghost City
It’s all victimhood and self pity
As the doors all swing shut
And I’m obsessed with the land my heart abuts
Because it’s never right now, it’s always tomorrow
And I make a living out of sorrow
As I trek to nowhereland
Do you know life’s made of sand
And the hourglass holds your hand
As it quietly evaporates
You can journey through many states
But the most valuable just might be
The ones that require integrity
To get through intact
Is it a sin I don’t want you back
And forgiveness flows through my veins
But I’ve spent years in imaginary chains
Thinking of what you did to me
Constructing some kind of history
That makes sense of the haunting tone
When I’m in my room all alone
But it’s always been with me
As I grapple with intensity
And let people believe the lie
That death is when people cry
Leaving a paper trail of tears behind me
I’m overwrought so never mind me
As I build a new monument to all that’s fallen
I’m in the Deep South and they are drawling
As they curb all anticipation
Can I watch your tv station
Just for a little while
I made you see, you made me smile
And all I can think of is torment
The indigenous people and where they went
Forced across rock and stone
Broken in their skin and bone
But with their Spirit true
I can still have faith in You
As all comes crashing like a wave
Is it sin to abdicate to save
And hold a hand
Is the shore more than sand
And if a rock is hewn to bits
Do you have space to sit with it
Or does its impermanent tone
Remind you what it’s like to be alone
Moving weight like old stone
I’d hold back but I’ve already shown
All of my stars to you
I’ll love you if you want me to
So mad I’m taking all these pills
As I fight the doctor in a display of wills
But he always seems to win the day
And make the point I’m not okay
And sometimes I agree
As I picture a man down on one knee
That might pick me up
But I’m heavier than the weight of love
Can carry when it all boils down
I spilt the beans, you went to town
Aghast at all the mess is made
You’re throwing the game, I’m throwing shade
And we’re just resting in the silence deep
I don’t want to be less than the promise you keep
As the wings of love glide
I’m coming out of where I hide
To know the sunshine as my true nature
And where you landed left a crater
In the ground of me
Mother Earth or destiny
Shaken to my core
I try not to love you anymore
But it just pulls me back
Don’t see me as just a hack
That has to get her stories down
I hum as I drive out of town
Past a scene I know so well
If I shared a secret would you never tell?
She’s rewriting the rule book
Like I did with a school look
As I ran up and down the halls
Some are chasing dreams, I’m chasing walls
To keep me safe and closeted in
But it takes a breath for the night to begin
And once it does you can’t go back
Obsessed with how they have all you lack
And she shines
But I’ve written that story a thousand times
As I begged to be let in
Then got caught in the full glare of a grin
That suddenly shone on me
Asked for my hand and my integrity
And I fell victim to
An obsession with the form of you
When the midnight calls my name
And I nonchalant all the same
Your absolutely sincere
Does intimacy mean more than near
Coz this close is comfortable
Like we’re both being vulnerable
And almost to touch
I gotta say I love you so much
Behind the folds of a page
This moment will never age
We’re up here at 39000 feet
Where the cold is warm as the elements meet
And make a force of nature new
If you don’t know I’m talking about you
As somewhere we swim inside the depth
And the best thing about Now is what is unmet
By the forest in kind of trees and of beers
And I lost myself in the years and years
Trying to find what can’t be described
All the while knowing I’m still alive
Coz I feel this heart beat through my skin
But there’s a part of me that’s deeper within
Than any skin and bone can mend
And death is simply not the end
Just a continuum of undefended peace
Or a moment of great release
As all of the sidewalks lead into one
Trust in God and in the Son
When I was twenty six I didn’t know what hit me
All I know is that Jesus is with me
And each step he walks points me the way
I just need to trust in what he say
Her love is tragedy
Like she could pageant me
And I can see the loss
The way she dots her t’s
And if I love her
It’s my disease
But she picks me up
Off from my knees
When I’ve been crying
For a season
Like this pain
Comes without any reason
And the doubt
Holds me together
She patches me up
Despite the weather
The guy in the line was really sweet
And I wonder about fate and how we meet
Under the sky of a new sun
And anybody could be the one
With your jet black hair and stolen eyes
The way you say there are no lies
And I’ve always been one of the guys
But love takes my hand to my own surprise
As I revel in misery and the grief
Of losing all that I invest belief
In now the times are dual
But Advaita is beyond the rule
Of anything that dare contain
Can you learn to love the pain
Giving myself permission to open up
I’ve got to be vulnerable if I wanna love
And I’m risking the pain coz damn sure it’s there
But I’ve gotta trust if I wanna care
And the wind blows no matter which way I turn
A fire sign has just gotta burn
Til the ashes turn phoenix new
Til I see myself reflected in you
And I know I’ve got problems, I know I’ve got vices
But I am the queen of no compromises
As I utter the truth as it sits on my breath
I say to the sky; don’t let me forget
Coz I wanna grow up, I don’t wanna away
But there’s room in this house for peace to stay
And open the cages that rattle their bars
Twenty odd years and I’m still chasing cars
Down every avenue
Still trying to prove something to you
All now that are watching my every move
But who would you be if you walked in my shoes
Like Atticus Finch and fine thread
Do up your laces and keep up your head
As everything born to beat you down
Slowly vacates your side of town
To leave you free as a bird in the air
I just want you to know that I am there
For you in every melee
Whether or not you’re talking to me
In the sunshine, the storm, the rain or the snow
There is no place a shepherd won’t go
To retrieve that lost sheep he owns
Give up the struggle and just come home
Is it too much to wish
Is it too much to hope for
That I could bang
On a closed door
Coz I know you’re in there
And I chase you down
You’re staying in your place
Just outside of town
And I want you
For my very own
Tell me for real
That you’re not on loan
From the days of tomorrow
I’m not one to borrow
But if you’re there
I’ll wipe away sorrow
From the cheeks of your face
That you’ve cried in the past
My love isn’t temporary
It’s made to last
And my heart is calling
Out to your hand
We can dance
It will be grand
As you get up
Off of the floor
In all of the years
I just love you more
All those things I didn’t do
And the worst of all of those things was you
As you passed across my screen
Looking as ephemeral as a dream
In the moment true
Could I have meant it all to you?
If I’d just stepped forward to
All that I thought of to meet you
And you’re fire and ashes
I’m the Phoenix that rises
Meeting you the best of surprises
On that July morning
Now there’s weather and it’s all storming
Into the notion of what we could be
But I won’t cross She
As she holds your hand
And stares into a pair of eyes so grand
They’re subterfuge
And it would just be rude
To interrupt
What you’ve become, so abrupt
So I let you leave
Let you believe
That I don’t care
About all that isn’t there
In the moment true
I clasp the thought I had of you
So tight
And I’m alright
But the bliss is fading
And the idealism is jading
As my thirties continue apace
And I stop staring at your face
Through a window in time
I’m kicking myself coz you could be mine
Ijust wanna protect her
And I’m so mad that he’d reject her
And ruin her starlit shine
It’s kind of like the light that used to be mine
And now she sings of a defeat, years ago
I close my eyes because I should not know
But I do
I still feel you
In the cobwebs of my mind
Kind of like a secret I’ve left behind
And we tangled up our avenues
I sing of heaven without you
And innocence lost
She paid the price but at what cost
The war in her heart spills over into mine
When I say I love you for the thousandth time
And you’re nothing more than fantasy
Dreams I make out of the fate you see
And you’re roving wild waters
And your chivalry escorts her
At least in my mind
As I look on from being left behind
It’s a sorry state
But I won’t give in to hate
As the wound it festers
And the court is filled with jesters
That make the music of the time
But that sound could never be mine
As I pull away from modern notions
Focusing on my emotions
Til they’re all I can see
But that’s not all there is of me
And dignity
Walks me to the door
As you say your love’s no more
And I agree
I look out but it’s wintery
As I pull my jacket close
You look like you’ve seen a ghost
“You’re not gonna venture into that”
But I gave you a home, I won’t take it back
And he pulls my hand
Close to his soul that’s made of sand
As it pours on through
Was I wrong to trust in you
And he sighs
“I’ll take leave of our goodbyes”
And points me toward the flame
That is burning in the middle of his name
You can stay here
I say, okay, my dear
I withdraw my accusation
Since I’ve lived my realisation
And see that the fault is not with you
It’s with the pain you put me through
As I resist and you agree
That everything troubled comes over the sea
In washes and waves at the Cliffs of Moher
And you swore you did not know her
Til I saw your hands interlocked
On a screen in between where the birds had flocked
To get their share
Of bread and water, now I’m in your stare
As you love her more than you loved me
Why did I not let myself just see
As I hid on paper
And you promised them that you hate her
Well, that her is me
And I’m not gonna try to make you see
Infinity
Unless you already do
And I felt the ocean move
When you touched my hand
And met eyes that understand
To leave you free
I’m glad you picked her over me
The source of her love is effulgent flame
And it kills me that others don’t feel the same
As they hear her plaintive cry
And leave her in the rubble to die
But I grab her hand, pull her out of there
Wash the wounds, show her some care
Tell her about the mystery
That lies within both you and me
And she starts to revive
Feeling the tremble of being alive
As she takes each breath
Scared she can’t put her feet to the floor yet
In case it shakes
She looks at me through all her mistakes
And trusts and lets go and comes to be
All that she Is eternally
There was a lightning storm in Texas
The day I got my flight
And I listened to the pilot
When he said everything’s alright
But there’s a silence in the air
A stunning in the fold
The atmosphere is deep
And I’m getting a little old
As we wait out the time
We have left on this earth
I think we’ll be okay
At least, for what it’s worth
The Poetry Book 