Tag: love

Space To Breathe

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Do you allow space to breathe for the other side
Because they need air to survive
And if you suck all of it out of the room 
Then you’re both falling into the doom 
Because they’re our brothers and sisters 
And they may be misled 
But they still fall asleep in their own bed
With a million things running through their head 
In the guise of something to protect
Because something reject 
What has always been 
And you might see it differently but the dream 
Will always stay the same 
Until you have given it a name 
And said its verse 
In a lyricism you cannot rehearse 
I know they have a point and I know I want change 
But also know that making strange 
Never helped me a day in my life 
I met the man and I became his wife 
Though he never knew 
And now you 
Must face the great wave 
Of being there when there are people to save 
And how can any of this do any good
When there are people paying with their blood 
For the slaughtered masses
As we learn in our history classes
That we are so beyond this now 
Til it breaks out and somehow 
I know we have not transcended 
An agreement yet to be amended
The injustice makes me quake 
But greater yet is the space that wake 
And hold the ground 
For the sheer absence of sound 
In the din 
If I praise Him 
Am I only a Christian 
Or do I live out the promised mission 
To its conclusion 
I think I see the root of the confusion 
Though I could be wrong 
Every syllable contains the song

Interconnection

.Reading time 1 minute.
I don’t know what to do 
I just know I want to do something for you 
And if they’re bombing the crossing, people shelter there 
And I don’t know if they care 
If they see their targets as human beings 
With lives, with loves, with pains worth freeing 
And you would think the great illness would have brought us together 
Instead of this winter weather 
That always rains in the Middle East 
Another father, another doctor, another deceased 
And if this is not genocide 
Then I don’t know how anyone can hide 
Behind the rule of law 
And the great thaw 
That seems to be underway 
I know what the people say 
It’s everybody’s business when something’s on the line 
But something corporate is hard to define
As the wounded dance along and entwine
Protesting that everything’s fine 
But it’s not 
Have you forgot 
That mystery must always break into the unknown 
And when the grass has grown 
Will people look back with mute silence
Divesting their own part in the violence 
By mild complicity 
As the anger comes to your city 
In the guise of something new
We’re all interconnected and that means you

This Kiss

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is a space that holds the pain 
Like the sky holds the rain
And it’s a grand expanse 
Like how the leaves dance 
In the wind 
Like how my heart sparkled when he grinned 
And it’s not just errant love
Or the loss of peace or the birth of a dove
With an olive branch 
Sometimes I feel like I live on a cattle ranch 
Where people are always reigning me in 
And the bank tells me I must “begin” 
I dunno, the fuck that means 
When once upon a time the dreams
That were bricks and mortar bound 
Were found to be unsound 
And the country was austerified
And I’m not sure but I think they lied
When the whole thing was on the verge of collapse 
The whole territory identified on the maps 
That say where things are 
But they can’t categorise the star 
That burns in the midnight blue 
An old king hidden in the heart of you 
And they tell you to grow up and they tell you to cop on 
But I can’t get over what is never gone 
What just remains 
In spite of the stains 
As the tears streak down my cheek 
I’m in class and I get weak 
And I feel the faint coming on 
And I wait too long 
To steady the ship 
And some people may shoot from the hip 
I’ve always been straight down the line 
I always tell the doctors I’m fine 
When they doubt what I am 
I don’t think they have ever heard the can 
As it’s kicked down the road 
Doireann Fox asked me because I think it showed 
And I always wanted to tell her the height of admire 
Was held in my heart for hers on fire 
And it’s been so many years 
And I’ve kicked back with spirits and beers 
But they never seem to come near 
To the euphoria and the bliss
Of the one thing nobody can miss

Don’t Lose Your Humanity

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Don’t lose your humanity when you grow up 
Remember you were founded on love 
Like every good city
And there is self pity
And there is blame 
But know the name
That is given to you 
Is not all there is when they ask what is true 
And I put a flower in the shield of the riot policeman 
Because I know that only open hearts can
Remind a solider what he really is 
Not a function of what it means to merely exist 
As a job or as a duty 
There is beauty 
Within every man 
No matter what he can 
Entertain 
When he seeks salvation in vain 
In the trigger of the gun 
And the false notion that he is the only one 
Who feels this way 
But everything will eventually pass away 
But do you realise what is eternal in the now 
And if you do then what will you allow 
To happen on your watch 
Do you keep one eye on the clock 
As you hear it tick your life away
And you gather sand because you cannot stay
In an earthen grain 
And is it wrong that I see the pain 
In their mocking eyes 
As they disguise 
Their despair 
At having to go in there
And break what someone else built 
But now the milk is spilt 
And do we cry or do we clean it up 
Do we make it worse or do we love 
And hold the hand of the screaming baby 
Is that what it takes to save me? 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/ZZtcBY08W

The Strip I Found Myself Upon

.Reading time 3 minutes.
What can I do I’m just a speck of dust
Born on a spy Wednesday that I can’t trust 
And do I really betray the saviour 
Or is it just something I pray for 
As I sit in St. Mel’s Cathedral 
And wonder if there is really a thing so evil 
As what we’ve been taught exists 
But I was flung into the mists 
And there was no option but to face the darkness
I give who I was a parting kiss
As I step out of her skin 
And into the one I’m walking in 
And I’m scared of death and revolution 
Because once an idea became a final solution 
That rested on the destruction
And some babies are born by suction 
As mothers die just to give life 
And women sacrifice to be someone’s wife 
And men on the front 
Call those they hate some kind of cunt 
As they get their guns ready to fire 
Will humanity ever tire
Of pulling the trigger 
As we only get bigger 
On a planet that stays the same size 
And people must show they’re having the time of their lives
Or they do not exist 
And is it any wonder that I’m pissed
Or that we have a crisis of suicide 
When it means so little to be alive 
The price that hangs above our head
So vapid that some would rather be dead 
Than face into the storm I choose to weather
And wouldn’t we all rather be lying in the heather 
Soaking in the moor 
But the poor 
Echo in my mind
And ask me not to leave them behind 
And wealth is not a measure of riches 
So I just kick it with my bitches 
And find a way to keep what is precious in me 
Even if it means that I don’t let anyone see
The cog that turns my wheel 
Must I repeat, don’t be ruled by what you feel 
In the age of Iraq
And an atrocity you cannot take back 
Not as hard as you try 
There are those who send the wounded to die 
As a salve for what they need to do 
And I passed a homeless man who had not one but two 
Limbs amputated 
And I may be educated
But I can never know how that feels
And something in me just reels 
As the veteran sings 
And thanks me heartily for the things
I give to him 
Money and a smile but how could a country win 
When we are one humanity 
And consciousness knows only one way to be 
And that is to embrace the other 
For every man is my brother 
And holds my empty hands
As the hourglass is spilling sands 
Onto an eternal beach 
What does Earth School teach? 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/4z8XGxezd

The Literary Pen

.Reading time 3 minutes.
They all called me the literary pen 
But she said she wouldn’t live it again 
And I felt flattened, raw 
Til I was thirty five in the great thaw
And it’s an age I haven’t reached as of yet 
But it’s also something I cannot forget 
And she was it all to me 
Twenty years since I saw myself future hence
Living with her in the past tense 
And it cuts like a knife 
To know that he and his wife
Are no longer around 
And every breath relays the sound 
Of the emptiness of a chair 
And the person that once sat there 
It’s purple and maroon 
And there was once life in that room 
And saying goodbye nearly killed my soul 
So I just roll 
With the tidal waves 
And the people nothing saves 
Except the angels who come to collect 
The edges of the dreams I have wrecked
I lay on the floor 
Of the bathroom I abhor 
Near the ward in Roscommon Hospital 
But there’s nothing soothing about the cross of it all 
Because I know what’s coming 
And she half raised this young ‘un
And the nightmare is that it’s true
And I know there’s is no keeping you 
Not in the way things were before 
Then I realised something about you, mo stór
My grandmother’s prayers are still protecting me 
Even when it seems life is rejecting me 
I have another fifty years to go to reach the age of depart 
And I thought my whole heart 
Went with you when you go 
Didn’t realise it meant that you stay with me though 
Because the thump thump in my chest 
Still holds the strings of those I love best
And the glass shatters all over the tiles
And I pick them up for miles and miles 
Because there is a coffin across the road 
And I can’t escape the road 
That we all must take 
Til I collapse and wake 
At the wake 
And the person I will not forsake 
Not for all the money or the tea in China 
Is that all it will take to remind ya 
That love lasts forever 
Not a memory of a lost endeavour 
That sank to the bottom of the ocean 
And all this emotion 
Comes in waves 
Like seasons come in days
Slowly, bit by bit 
I come to know who I’m walking with

A Message To My Tormentor

.Reading time 6 minutes.
A message to my tormentor, you know the one I try to protect 
I look up and the whole dream is wrecked 
Because I was perfect, I was pristine 
I was the ruler, I was the queen 
But then everything turned the dice on its head 
And I was screaming as I lay in bed 
Because I could feel my mind separate 
From the man I would love to date
And it was as though someone had taken my knife
And carved a chasm between husband and wife
And I just lay there and silently toiled
I was to the rescue but I was embroiled 
In all of what tried to tear us apart 
I was in UCD when the pain thought to start 
And nothing like Darragh or Marian too 
Could prevent the onset if what I couldn’t do 
To myself or to you 
So I ran for the hills 
Because this is the kind of thing that kills
And the track was dusty and red 
And I begged you to tell someone instead
And you did 
And I may have hid 
For years from your sight 
But I was watching that you were alright 
And I could feel the wrecking ball hit me where it hurt
And I would be left sprawling in the dirt
Then the boy with the beautiful smile 
Told me he’d like to hold me for a while 
And I was safe in his arms
But then all the alarms 
Rang in St. Pat’s 
In the years I was afraid of baseball bats
So I just do what they say
Take the meds they prescribe so I can find a church to pray
And there was a little chapel 
Beside the canteen and Eve ate the apple 
They had gifted to her 
But it doesn’t make me forget the Eden we were 
For a moment in time 
And I want him to know that he is sublime 
And no devil or rodent or snake or tail 
Can shake the foundation of what I let fail 
And it was Gareth Brooks 
And one for the books 
As I sipped a Coke 
And laughed along like I was in on the joke 
But secretly I choke 
And bless the place that gave me sanctuary 
And helped me get away from you and me 
The register said something about ambiguity 
And my insecurity 
Has me chasing Shauna around 
And asking her if she heard the sound 
She looks at me like I’m not well 
And also like I’m onto something she cannot tell 
So I back off but when she needs a friend 
I jump over the fence she thought to mend 
Like a wall between two neighbours who walk
But both of us know that it is all talk 
And she holds my hands
She is five years younger than me but she understands
What it means to be bereft 
And she told me something about someone and their theft 
Of her innocent pure 
But I want her to know that the cure
Lies in the heart in her chest 
It beats still fervently and knows her best
Better than the wolf at the gate
Or the people she has come to hate
And I still fear the loss of the man 
Because I know it’s his life and I know that he can 
Do whatever he wants
And it’s the kind of freedom that haunts
Every word that I write 
And leaves me exiled to a silent night 
When I think he is already gone 
So I play that song 
Over and over and they sharpen the blade
That would have you and I in the shade 
And I rage 
And let them take me to hell 
Because every ringing bell 
Just signals doomsday in my mind 
So don’t worry that I’ve left you behind 
I’m just trying to ruin the machine 
And break what would take the slate from the dream 
And I falter and kneel
At the foot of what you feel 
Because to you its real 
And I would steal 
It all away if I could 
So that that look could not draw blood 
Because you are the quintessence of good 
And I meet you in the wood 
When all the noise dies down
And you say something about a beautiful gown 
As I take it off 
Our hands touch and all is not lost

Human Again

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I feel like human again now there’s a chink in the chain 
And you know you’re from Ireland if you trust the rain 
To always fall
There used to be a Berlin Wall
To separate the East from West
Like they separate me from the one who knows me best
And they trap me in a cage 
So I let it rage on a page
All the good they ever did
Was just to confirm that I’m His
Am I crazy
Do I let it faze me 
Or just let it raise me 
From the dead
And I lay in my bed
In Dean Swift 
And Emmett said whisht
Don’t worry your little head 
And he all but winked at me instead 
As I lay there and just stared 
But I dared 
To cross a line 
That was so fine
As a pen with a nib
Can I ad lib 
And find a quote 
That I could float 
Did you know that I wished 
You were not a star that I missed
As I shoot past your gate 
And I may have learned to hate
The gatekeepers at the door
But you’re something I adore 
And the fallaway floor
Let’s me out again 
I call it men
But really it’s human kind 
And women want equality
But it’s revenge that’s on my mind 
For the guy that took me down 
And now it’s an ocean that I drown 
In my wide open air 
Is there any proof that I was there 
When the final crack of the whip 
Split my lip 
And I bleed words into the abyss
Why do I still miss
Someone who did that to me 
And if you’re chained to the sky are you free
Like Dylan says 
I’m not sure anyone is listening anyways

A Covenant Of Love

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I haven’t forgotten the holy of my youth 
And time can be a brute 
As it crushes you in the centre of the wheel
And life doesn’t care how you feel 
It will keep punching above its weight
Until you forgo the hate 
And my grandmother told me a little tale
About two baby birds in a nest who without fail 
Would always find a way to make space for each other 
Meanwhile I hate my brother 
For what he did to me 
But forgiveness lets all that go free 
No coming for Amy or railing against the world 
Just trusting what it means to be Catholic Irish 
Some part of me flourish 
Under that sun
And I know the one 
Thing about humans is that they’re flawed
And when all the ice has thawed 
The sins will be revealed
Childhoods that people steal 
And yet the good only ever shone on me 
From an altar that set me free 
To trust in something and believe 
In what Fr. P would have up his sleeve 
As he tended to his flock 
And reminded me what I’m not 
When I thought I was 
Just a little child, small because 
I’m too young to have an opinion 
But you don’t treat me like a minion 
But an equal foot I stand 
And I will forever hold that man 
In the highest esteem 
For all he did to pierce the dream 
And let the white light shine through 
I thank him in all of you

With You, Love

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I feel like I’m breaking on spindle edges 
Like I’m a crane fly and what they said is 
True maybe 
I might be crazy 
Under some flicker of light 
But I’m alright 
I’m just tilted, isn’t that it 
And they used to think a free woman was a witch 
As mass hysteria ensues 
In Salem and the blues 
Eat up modern civilisation 
Is there anything I can do in this education 
In the ways of life 
I always thought I would be a wife 
But I found a bigger dream 
And it sounds a lot like a scream 
Echoing in St. Pat’s 
And I was afraid of bats 
And what they might symbolise
But I still saw beauty in your eyes 
And they way they would rest on me 
When you think I’m not watching I can see 
Out the corner of my eyes and through my energy field 
I feel him push forward and I yield 
So that he might feel safe
But I must warn you that I escape 
The clutches of anything might contain 
The essence of some kind of suppressed pain 
And I want to help you get free
But I will not let you hold me 
Just to crush what I am 
And there may be a plan 
But it doesn’t know about my soul 
And the waves may roll 
But it’s all in the now 
A cavernous expanse of the vow 
I made when I let you in 
And if I let you win 
Does it mean I get to keep you here 
I must tell you I hold you, dear 
In my heart as it beats, you warrior of light
I hope you are alright 
Coz I had to cut ties and run 
And you’re beautiful, son 
And you may be older than me 
But I’m ancient beyond our history 
I glimpse into a past life 
And I’ve got to tell you it isn’t nice 
But it’s what’s real 
I thought I should tell you how I feel 
If that’s okay
I sip my straw at you that way 
And the dial connects 
And now the dream is wrecked 
But the truth holds up 
I think I might have fallen in love
With you, love

The Floorboard Creaks

.Reading time 4 minutes.
I kept quiet 
As my head became a riot 
Because I had promised you 
Secrecy as you poured your truth into 
My listening ear 
But then you evince a glistening tear 
As I’m shattered and grey
Because my grandmother has gone away 
And I stand just washing the dishes 
Thinking of our hugs and kisses 
And the whole window pane 
Breaks upon me like rain 
And school was my escape in a way 
But it became the place where people say 
Bad things about me 
Look away from my eyes and doubt me 
And even Doireann doesn’t know what to do 
When I’m in Room One fighting with you 
I was trying to prove a point 
But it just knocked your nose out of joint 
And I realise I can’t win this war 
So I abandon what it is for 
And leave you to that shore 
Of not knowing me anymore 
And you say it was the biggest mistake 
You ever made but when you wake 
Do you realise what you did to me 
When I had lost all I thought I could be 
And lie in the gutter 
Going over the words I heard you utter 
Under your breath 
And my biggest regret 
Is that I ever gave you the time of day
Because I sensed you were not okay
And needed a friend to talk to 
Now I just lose the weight of you 
In the mist and in the crossfire 
And when the straits became dire 
A light shone from a higher 
Window
It was Him though
The only words I had for the Absolute 
Was the Jesus that had taken root
Like a tree in my soul 
And your eyes may roll 
At my steady devotion 
But I show no emotion 
And lock it down 
Because you are not allowed in this town 
Not now, not anymore 
They say INFJ’s slam the door 
But it was more than that 
It was just the realisation that if she’s coming back 
It’s going to be as a changed human 
Because I am not ok with what you’re doing 
To the people within your reach 
And it’s not a lesson I am here to teach 
It’s just that I have to go 
And by the time you know 
I will be in Timbuktu 
Living a life far away from you 
And it’s not that I don’t still care 
It’s just I won’t let you dare 
To cross that line one more time 
I’ve no mind to become the scene of a crime 
And pulverise 
Underneath the heaviness of lies
That you tell like a scéal 
About me, well you can keep that tale
And anyone who will entertain 
What I sought to put through in vain 
It just became the rain 
But I am unwritten so you can’t keep my name 
In your book of words 
I left the ground like one of the birds 
To take flight into air 
If I’m gone maybe you’ll know I was there

Deviations From The Norm

.Reading time 3 minutes.

There wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

Taylor Swift
There are deviations from the norm
And some people said it was just bad form 
As she excommunicated me from the religion I love
Because I fit around that hand like a glove
And she told me I was too perfect and pristine
And it became a nightmare before I woke from the dream 
And found out what God really mean 
But I still bear the scar
From the mark made by what you are 
And I know you’re deeper and true 
And it’s just that the losing of you 
Did more for me than having you could do 
And I became spacious as the sky is blue 
As open and wide and as far as the eye can see 
When I lost the will to live out my destiny 
And fought to find a spark in the dark of night 
And no one thought to ask if I was alright 
Because I was the villain 
In your own personal film 
About how you were the victim of fate
And people love someone to hate 
And they gathered around my ghost
And I watched her lose what she loved the most
In this melee
And now I’m free 
Of all that gathers at the hem 
And you would do it to me again 
If I gave you the chance
So I took away the music that used to make you dance
To the sound of us 
Do you hear the quiet of broken trust 
And I lean on the two of the old brigade 
I close my eyes and pour it into Ciara and Sinéad 
Because I know they have my back 
And just because I feel that I lack 
What I was before 
Doesn’t mean there isn’t something to adore 
In the statue I’ve become 
There’s wisdom in the age you lose when you are young 
And I wish you the best of all that there is 
Because the rest of what I am is His 
In the sudden sun that dawned upon the glen 
And I close my eyes and whisper Amen 
To every prayer I’ve ever uttered 
I open my eyes like windows I had shuttered

The Burden We Bear

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The tragedy of being Irish and free
Is now I have to watch them being ripped from me 
And we fought the British for so long 
Because they tried to stifle our song 
Only to realise 
That we were born under rainy skies 
And the famine and the genocide 
As my family dies 
And I stand at the grave
And think of all the people the fight could not save 
As we all hold the weight 
Of some kind of inflicted hate 
That still lives in our bones and blood
And they think they are good 
For daring to trying to quench the light 
Of the good fight 
For growing up on the grass so green 
Celtic and inbetween 
This world and the next 
And the Spanish were shipwrecked 
And now their bloodlines are descended 
We are a conglomeration that has amended
The phrase níos Gaelaí ná Gaeil iad féin 
And there’s something I love about the rain 
And touching down after Arizona 
My God, how I wish I could phone ya 
After our magnificent fight 
The one that set the devil alight 
And he tries to burn me in St. Pat’s 
As the people put out their welcome mats 
To tell me to come home 
And that it’s okay I’m alone 
But I just feel the shaking of the trees 
And the death that’s always on the breeze 
When you grow up under the sky 
Of the memory that cannot lie

The Concrete Jungle

.Reading time 4 minutes.
There is a boy somewhere far away
And I know that no matter what he may say
He can’t escape me 
Or erase me 
From his grasp
And the asp 
Bit me on the neck 
Of the dream I thought to wreck 
And I wonder when we both might die 
Me by accident and you because you want to try
To see what’s beyond the pale 
And I know what is not up for sale
But I have no cash to buy
Just the lashes I use to lie
About who I am 
I look away and that’s part of the plan 
Because I cannot let you see
That you have found your home in me 
Because I know that someday we’ll be separated 
Whether by force or because we’ve been education 
To believe in the divide
And I abide
Somewhere between God and Mass
Between being a good girl and getting an A in class
And it’s something growing up in an Ireland in transition 
Where people still use ammunition 
To fire at you 
While tolerance is preached to you in the pew
And it’s not okay to be gay
Then it is (or at least that’s what they say)
And I think of Stephen Gately 
And the people who cannot find a home lately 
As the rows erupt
And people on the news say that we’re fucked
But I see another scene 
And it resides in all that we’ve been 
In all these centuries 
And the millennia before they told us who we could be 
If we just believed 
But the dragon falls and I’m relieved 
Of the burden I bear 
And I watch the fabric tear 
On all that I thought I knew
This land always meant more to me than you 
And I know you’re somewhere in the city
And I tried it for a while but it’s a pity
But I missed the hills of Kilglass 
And the soul that pours through the grass 
In the fields so green 
The college was a concrete jungle of all I’d never been 
And I found some kind of refuge in Darragh
But my heart is like a sparrow
That sits on a lonely branch and sings
For the boys that gives air to its wings 
And the girls fight over what handbag is on brand 
And I just stare and watch the sand 
Slipping out of our hands 
And wonder why they don’t understand 
That they’re gripping something that is made of leather 
And won’t make them feel any better 
And I know I’ve got to get out of there
Then I find Tessa and Jennie and I know that they care
As we find some kind of peace in Nutgrove Avenue 
And I drove my own car down the roads of you 
As I stay up til five
Exuberant in the knowledge that you’re alive
Somewhere over there on the west coast 
And I don’t mean to boast 
But I think my man is the best 
Because he’s deeper than all the rest
And I cannot contemplate 
A series of x’s and y’s that do not equate
To you and I forever 
So I sail this endeavour 
To it’s logical conclusion 
My confession and your confusion

Lying Awake At Night

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Lying awake at night and wondering if the needle is pulling through
And all I can think about is you
In some descent of mystery
Ireland lost in her own history  
I stare at the stars out the window
I’m still thinking of him though 
And I’m reminded of being seventeen 
Before the lightning struck the dream
Of knowing your face
Now you’re something I can’t replace
And the fear of losing you to death
Is the foundation of my regret 
And I know what you were thinking of 
I could read it in your eyes, my love 
And I cracked under the pressure 
I fell apart under the fissure
That just opened up between us two 
I look at the pain in the eyes of you 
As they crumple and grimace
Lines around eyes that cannot finish
The sentences they begin 
And I will always be with him 
Even if it takes me to the grave
The boy I thought I could save
And he’s shouting down the phone at me 
While I lie into the line of indignity 
And try to hold the two pieces together 
But some things just can’t change the weather
That blows on through 
And there may be few 
Things on this earth that can catch me by the lapel 
But the thought of you in hell 
Without me rips the heaven from my grasp 
And I know this thing will last 
For an eternity 
Because you’re not going anywhere without me 
And I can hear us cry 
As we scream there is no goodbye
That could ever be peaceful between us 
I marvel at the creator that must have dreamed us

The Diamonds In The Fabric

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Am I condemned to the perpetual misunderstand
There’s something about her phrase that seems so underhand 
And yet in demand
I crave then I crawl 
I hold back, then I call
Because I can’t keep the typewriter from doing its shit 
And I’m just a leaf that she’s folding her paper with 
And it’s not like I’m mad with her or hateful 
And I know I should be so damn grateful 
I get to know her at all
But it’s just that wall
She takes it down, then fires it up 
And I wonder if we have fallen out of love
Into a deep blue sky
And all my asking why
Meets the same response
A thousand different ways in handwritten fonts
But the answer doesn’t change
I make the stars rearrange 
Then get bullied and bruised
Feel malfeased and inappropriately used
By the powers that be
And the status they think they give to me 
And all of my aching since 2005
And wondering if she even knows I’m alive
Anymore
I go knock on her door 
And I hear the rap echo 
What did I wreck though 
With my brilliant sun
And the knowing that I am the one 
The fire, the phoenix, the passionate Aries 
Away with the birds and down with the fairies 
I listen for any pouring of water 
That may come from the halls of the daughter
I used to be
But now I see
I have outgrown that frame
Like I have burst through my name
Into something new
And it was always you
I would go to
At the first sign of sea
Now it’s just the ocean witnessing me 
As you avert your gaze
And the cities you raze
And don’t even notice 
Who said that we have to make up quotas 
Just to get elected 
But Jesus resurrected
Spells a new storm
And if you think you’re hot, you’re not even warm 
In the midnight blues
And all of you that can’t pay its dues 
In form 
The day I was born 
Something spoke to me 
And it said; this is the way it’s going to be
So I cried 
And at fourteen I died
Like I had in a previous life
One where I broke down and agreed to be a wife
But enough of that now, I’m bullet and silver 
And I’ve enough in my quill to write syllable of her 
Though she may see
The descent of grey mystery 
On the plurality 
Of the expanse we are 
How did that star 
Ever come to be 
The landscape that we both seem to see

In The City

.Reading time 1 minute.

There was Darragh in the city
And I felt him with me 
And I hope he's happy and free
And I wonder does he ever think of me 
And if he does what does he surmise 
Does he think that all we had were lies
Or faint veins of lines 
That mapped the land so undefined 
I wish I could set the record straight
But I just wait and wait and wait 
And long to be your Jess
I saw you converse and I confess
That I watched him with his guitar 
And I wished I could take it to serenade what you are 
And is it embarrassing to know 
That the girl that loved you has not let it go 
And you may have a wife and children too
And I wonder if I could still talk to you 
In our silent communication 
It was the greater part of my education 
In my years in the Quinn School Of Business
I'm not sure the ocean that I bear witness 
To will ever come my way again 
But I know you were the best of men
And you taught me that sly 
Would never trespass in your eye 
Because you let me really look 
And I read you like I would read a book 
Enraptured and all caught in the pages 
I found my soul amongst the sages 
But I found my beating heart in your gaze 
I think of you every time that song plays

You Proof

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I haven't ever found something that could kill the love in me  
Though I let the men I love go free
Coz I'm not the traditional woman that makes a home 
I'm likely to leave you alone 
To grow into the boots that are you're own 
I'm likely to let you win and realise the game was thrown 
Coz I'm more than what I appear to be 
And I think it's time I let people see 
My heart is full most of the time
And I guess it's a damn crime 
I shut myself away behind doors 
Left the men that my soul adores 
And just coz there's more than one 
Doesn't mean that the sun 
Doesn't shine from the skin 
Of every man who steps into the shoes of Him 
I see Jesus in their eyes 
As though it's the Buddha in disguise 
Some kind of awakened consciousness
Or sentience I cannot discuss 
With anyone, anywhere 
I just want them to know I am there 
Always and forever 
And the flowers you drop will always be there 
As I pick the buttercups in the field 
Feel your breath on the wind and I yield 
To the warmth in my heart 
And I didn't mean for the end to start 
But it's just the way with some of these things
And most girls are after rings 
But I just appreciate Saturn in the sky
And think of how we all die 
Somewhere in the mist 
Some people don't even know they exist 
So surface play they swim the shallow pools 
And they put us in separate schools 
To keep the passion at bay 
But my heart knows the song your music play
Grooving to the tune of Paddy wearing an ear pierce
And the way his eyes would turn fierce
When he'd look at me 
So deep and dark and eternity 
And he'd utter a sharp word when his pride was wounded 
And it was like the ball had rebounded 
Back into my chest 
So I just dropped it like I do it best
But I still think of you sometimes 
I wonder if that is the worst of my crimes 
And I saw you in the Spiral Tree
I waited for you and you looked at me 
And I held the barrier so you could get in 
But I don't know if I would be woman enough for him 
I just know his soul spells the sky in me 
It's your light infinity

Losing A Friend

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Did I lose a friend when I let you go 
On the edge of UCD and I just want you to know 
Who you are and what you mean to be 
What you were and what you are to me 
And you would drop your gaze and look away
I don't know why I couldn't make the time stay
Coz I wasn't sure I was girlfriend material 
I'm half wild and ethereal 
And I live to drop in and out 
Of my own self doubt 
And you were honest and true
And all heart and I loved you
But I didn't let you see 
In case you would get attached to me 
And I would have to split 
But I was enchanted and that's what you're dealing with 
As I'm leading you back to the club 
Because I don't want anything to happen to you, my love 
And I get Colin to go out and meet you there 
I want you to know I care 
But you stopped talking to me 
At the airport like you just looked straight through me 
As we'd wheel a case or carry a bag 
And the days drag 
Without you in my life 
I know you probably have a wife 
By now 
But the part of me that I allow 
You access to 
Has not been retracted, you
Still hold that same spot 
Somewhere between the dream of what I could be and what I am not 
Because you were fire red and real 
And I would steal 
You away in a minute 
But just don't think tradition is in it 
If you still want to call on me 
Just click hello and there I'll be

Letting The Monstrous Go

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I’m letting the monstrous go, the one that tried to eat me 
But it could not defeat me 
Because I hold Jesus in my core
And I know who loves me more
As they batter me with clubs and stones
As I beg them to just leave me alone 
And Barry smirks and grins 
But I don’t have so much time for him 
Because I feel the pulverise try to latch a grasp 
And the asp 
Bites but does not sting 
And no diamond ring 
Is forthcoming 
But I like who I’m becoming 
As the doctor looks at me with plaintive distress
And if I had to guess
I’d say that she fears death 
But then she deals with it every day, I must not forget
And tries to stave it off every way she can 
But I accept that every man 
Must one day give way to the sea 
And let the spirit become what it’s always been to me 
As natural as breathing or being born 
Why do the people look so forlorn 
As they contemplate 
A realm they cannot estimate 
With the power of the mind 
I let go all that I’m leaving behind
And I feel myself losing it 
But I think that I’m choosing it 
As I walk towards the sun 
I realise that I’m the One

The Flawed

.Reading time 1 minute.
All I feel when I look in the mirror
Is the flawed sinner 
And I see all the little points 
That someone somewhere should anoint
With a holy oil 
And the daily toil 
Doesn’t seem to leave a mark 
But my spark 
Seems to be dampened down 
By the grey that rules this town 
And I saw it at seventeen 
That if I didn’t wake this dream 
I would be ground like the grain in the wheel
And there are people who know how to feel 
But I could never abide 
In anything but raw and alive 
And fire in my bones and skin 
I’m everything when I’m with Him 
And when I’m not
It’s as though I forgot 
What I am and see
And that everything is God’s plan beyond history
Or the chasm that pulls my skin 
Until I am one with Him 
And there is no distinction or prose
To separate me from the roads 
That lead to the one place we are 
And all of us are born from a star 
Just dust that has been given breath
That we all seem to forget 
Ever passes through our lungs
And we are not gradated on rungs 
Of a ladder to the sky
There’s something within that does not die
Not now and not ever
And it has been a hopeful endeavour 
To live at peace with what is 
Sealed with a holy kiss

The Angel That Kissed Me

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I don’t know what it is but something needs o be done
Because there are people dying young
From a disease that no one can see
They say it’s mental illness but I don’t think we 
Are defunct in any sort of way
We are just sensitive to the play
Of light and form on the screen of life
And people tick boxes like a job and wife
And a car and a two point five
Like those things mean you are alive
Is it any wonder that there are those who want to die
Who hide the way they cry 
From everyone so no one can see
And that once was the girl I call me 
But something woke me up
And now I want to share that love 
With anyone who has faded to grey 
And finds the flatness worse than anything words could say 
And is it adult to falter on the brink 
Of the things we dare not think 
To be confused and afraid to even breathe
In case someone doesn’t get what they need 
From what we hold out in our hands 
And in the past people wanted lands
Now they colonise our minds 
And taunt us with what’s been left behind 
But the eternal moment of Now
Has become enough for me somehow
And I try to explain to a priest
The meaning of the deceased 
But he doesn’t get it 
So I say; “forget it”
And let the river pull me away
From everything they say 
To the winter in me 
It kind of feels like being set free
To feel the wind in my hair 
And know that I am there 
In the subterfuge and release 
I wonder do they notice the crease
In my dress but I let it be seen 
And look up from the dream 
As I fall into reality 
I feel the Universe forgiving me

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When We Are Lovers

.Reading time 2 minutes.
In the infinite moment of us
You walked away and the broken trust
Still slits like shards of glass
On the ground of the class
That only ever gave me a pass
In it’s hall of induction 
And some babies are born with the power of suction 
But it’s not something I think that I will do 
And it might not be me but it could be you
So go make your life 
With the girl that I call your wife
I won’t interfere
Just know it’s because I hold you dear
And I could never fulfill 
Your last testament and will 
Of a perfect fold 
My streets are paved with gold 
But I only walk them when I want exercise 
Like I only look at you when I want to see your eyes
And the disguise fall 
Oh, all this endless talking to the wall 
And you may never leave her
But I think you believe her 
When she says that I am troubled too 
But I’m just bubbled like you
Brewing like a pot on the hob
And seceded like a man on the job 
As he hammers the nail into place
I look away when I see your face
In every man I meet 
I just can’t take the heat
Though I would like to try
And I know you wanted to die 
But I couldn’t fold the paper
And I don’t hate her
I am grateful to her 
For being there for you 
When I was sailing a sea that is so blue
Telling you about the rainforest 
I did give you a promise
That I would return 
But I didn’t realise the letter burn 
In the fire with the stamp still on
I love you that’s why I’m gone

The Futility And Helplessness

.Reading time 1 minute.
The futility and helplessness sets the kettle to boil 
And I wouldn’t be a daughter of this soil 
If the tragedy of conflict didn’t run in my veins 
And if I didn’t understand their pains
As they’re bombed into an oblivion 
How do I forgive them 
For what they don’t know they do 
When they are crucifying you 
For all they want to gain 
Because of the mechanics of their pain
As it spins round and round 
And delivers verdict without a sound 
Only the deafening quiet of thunder
Another neighbourhood going under
To the sound of crush
And the people rush
To see who they can save
As western civilisation cave
Under the weight of its own oppression
And every truth seems like a confession 
We make in the dark 
And we scroll past the things that leave a mark
And I watch young men in suits 
Brush past the truth
Like it is an inconvenient stare 
That they don’t want to admit is there 
When they don’t want it to be 
And if the Mediterranean Sea
Is the only place you can find solid ground
You know the silence has been lost in sound

Burning CDS

.Reading time 1 minute.
I burn CDs to know the truth
And each song reminds me of you
As your image fragments and splits into two 
A mirror reflecting what is already gone 
Twenty years old and sining your song
As you let me see your heart
And I turn the pain into art
That I can turn over again and again
Like an embroidered cushion of all the men
I’ve loved in the past
From Paddy to the one that will last 
Past the bounds of death 
And he says that he forgets
What we were 
And only has eyes for her
And I should let him go 
But I don’t think he know
What he means to me 
And if the dream would let me be
I would let him see
That it’s he and I eternity 
In the wilderness and the scrub
You know it that it’s true love
When unconditionality breaks the kernel of 
The ego you thought was 
All that there was to you
Now I know that I’m more than I could ever do
In this world of form 
And the image of you makes my cheeks warm 
And my heart do a jig
But you’re working on an oil rig
And every fire I think to set 
Only endangers what was met 
In the honesty I let slip through 
When I told you that I love you

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The Bullet In My Body

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is a bullet in my body, some kind of shrapnel 
I got from the war I fought
With a boy who can’t be bought
Not with trinkets polished to gold
Not with promises of growing old 
Only the truth raises his eyes
And lets him see with no disguise
As he looks into me 
Letting part of it go free
As it struggles to get loose
What is the point that you prove
When you seek to impress
Me so you can see me undress 
In your mind 
And I ask what’s left behind 
In the water that we find 
Somewhere on the shore 
And I visit Loch Lomond and adore
The wilderness of mountains frame
When the English played their games
With the lives of their so called subjects
But I reject
Their colonial expanse
That would have killed the dance
Every human heart is party to 
And I see that freedom in you 
As you fight with me 
And you don’t know that your integrity
Is my favourite thing about ya
Did you think I doubt ya 
When you say that no means no 
And I love you but I let it go 
And trust that fate will bring us together
In this sea of highland weather 
The Celt in my bones
Won’t leave it alone 
And I just call you “one more time” 
Would it be a crime 
If I crossed your girlfriends line 
That has been drawn in the sand
And I cannot love someone else’s man 
Though I do
My soul will ever call to you 
Across the ocean between us
I think God might dream us 
When we conceive of a future we own
And do you lose if the game has been thrown? 

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The Line I Shouldn’t Cross

.Reading time 1 minute.
The line I shouldn’t cross
Tries to tell me who’s boss
With it’s threats and warnings 
And just because it’s storming 
Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be
Is the weather messing with me 
And I hear the call of Frances deep
Behind every promise that I keep
Somewhere int he wood 
Of the lines of feeling good
As I surfed that wave
And all the people I was going to save
With my wilderness heart
And the love that God had set apart 
For you and I
But does the water die
When it slips through your fingers 
And are the bringers 
Of the other side
Really merchants of doom 
All I can say is I know when you’re in the room
Coz I feel you before I see you
But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you
As I feel the current pushing forth
Past the boundaries of no remorse
And you found a safe haven with her
And I don’t want to risk it on what we were
So I can’t be your friend
Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end
So we can take up where we left off
And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost 
Of losing what they thought to hold
So I put the letters in bold
I love you but I’m letting you go
I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know

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Is There A Girl Code?

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Is there a girl code
Because I let him into my abode
And now he won’t get the fuck out 
Even when I told him what I’m about
And that I didn’t know about you 
When I let him do what he wanted to do
As I felt the pulling thunder
In the sheets I was lying under
And I turned to meet his face
Now all I see is the disgrace
Of knowing that he was with you
The whole four years I wanted to 
Let him be
And our history 
Is tainted and blue 
And I guess it’s nothing new 
To say that men will connive 
Every minute they’re alive
But I’m bitter now
And jaded and somehow 
Only see the dark side of the grain 
As the sky pours with rain 
Down unto the glen
And amen
Is the end to every prayer
Was he ever even there 
When he whispered those words to me
Like a future planning history 
As we interlock our fingers
Now I just jump at phone ringers
Coz I don’t know what the news will be 
And tragedy
Always seem to come down the line
And you said that he was fine
But I wonder do you know him at all
Because I spent an age staring at his wall
To divinate 
And I wouldn’t want a man of mine in that state
So I offer him an olive branch or two
But he snaps back that he’s with you
So I let it fall into the flood
And hope that the result will be good
But it’s a burden
And I wonder if you heard him
When he cried on his own 
The boy I love on the golden throne 

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Conflicting Feelings

.Reading time 1 minute.
Am I the Jolene of the story
As he implored me 
To just let him be 
And I feel a rankling in my dignity
Why would he take this story down 
As if it would destroy his town
And I have no beef with his girl 
But I had to tell him that the world 
Revolves around his sun of stars 
And I was chasing cars 
Around my head in my room 
When I was fifteen and kissed the doom 
As it met you there 
And I know you care
But I rip the page from the typewriter
Because my friend said I would have to fight her
To get to you
And it’s not something I’ve a mind to do 
I just wanted you to know
That I have not let go 

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The Unassailable Goneness

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The unassailable goneness when you lose someone you love
And there’s no point looking for them in the sky above
Just an empty black hole, a colossal void
I withdraw into myself and people think that I’m annoyed
When I lash out at everyone (coz they don’t really care)
Then abandon the one boy who thought to dare
To breach my trenches, to traverse no man’s land
I look at him with suspicion but he offers me his hand
And it’s so delectably soft, so inconceivably frail
That I know in that moment that my defences fail
To keep out the love that is pouring through my heart
You know I tried my best, I didn’t mean for it to start
But it did and it does
And now I say that I’m in love
With a mortal form of the eternal being
I keep wiping my eyes, through the crying I am seeing 
As he turns from my gaze into his own reverie
And I contemplate the moment that God let us be
Held for a second like a ball in mid air
For once everything and the next not even there
As life pulls us apart in the guise of what we’re freeing
Now I don’t even know the landscape you are seeing
Through those precious eyes and lashes to frame
Though time and space expand I still feel the same
As I ever did, now then and before
In this world of passing things I found something I adore
Something that endures as my riverbed soul
Can’t separate the distance that it would take to roll
And crash a wave upon a shore like I know it will be
I wonder who’ll die first, will it be you or me
Because we are not vampires, we don’t get a thousand years
And I’ve been building up the pressure but the dam bursts with tears
And you’re with another woman but that is not the reason
It’s the simple fact that all things have a season
As our leaves bloom and grow then turn rusty red 
I thought of you like a hero now I think of you in bed
And all the dials turn on the sun of our day
Please don’t make it hurt when you go away

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Pillow

.Reading time 1 minute.
I feel the grey encroach upon my consciousness
And who do I address the letter 
That I could do better
And I need help to reach out of this prison cell 
Of all the people that wish me well 
And I’m just sitting in a café, what the hell 
I have to escape 
But I am right here, right now
And that’s gotta be enough somehow 
But I strain against the edge of my chains 
And I know that the rains
Will fall soon 
And the bells of doom 
Will echo ever near but ever far 
And every star 
Is born to turn into a black hole
And what will happen to my soul 
When it quakes against the edge of the limit 
I have to give up the desire to “win it” 
Because it is no good to me now 
And I hate the conflict that I allow 
To penetrate the mist 
Of the zone in which I exist 
And is it just screaming into the abyss
Throwing my prayers outwards in case there’s something that I miss 
In the soothing of an age 
I rip the page
Out of the typewriter
And search for something to ignite her 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/5CFk1YaYp

Third Eye Blues

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I got lost in the third eye blues 
And everything called me to pay my dues
But I didn’t have any money
Though I’m wealthy as fuck, honey
I slot the puzzle piece into the jar 
As I wonder what you are 
And the nomad in me looks for change
But it’s not the kind that rattles when you’re outta range 
It’s the kind that breaks like the sun 
Across the sky and over everyone 
And I play the perfect princess 
I know to whom I must address 
That painful moniker 
And you’ve all already met her 
Somewhere in my early teens 
When I was still staring across moonbeams 
Into the stars
I shook against the prison bars
And she had the key 
I didn’t realise that she was locking me
In there 
Or if I did I didn’t care
Because she used to make me laugh 
But when she shattered the glass she didn’t do it by half 
And I let it go, forgiveness now 
I’m good at that but some remains somehow
Like a grain of sand in the oyster shell 
I grit my teeth as I wish her well 
And I’ve lots of secrets I will never tell 
Well not to her, not now, though she rings the bell 
That signals me to come 
But, hun
I’m not Pavlov’s dog 
And in the fire there’s a log
Burning more than well enough to keep me warm 
And though you brought the storm 
I don’t hate you 
And fair play to the men who date you 
They have more steel than me 
But nothing is more real than eternity 
And it’s something that will not break
So though you shake 
Everything in sight 
I still give a shite

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I Look At My Hands

.Reading time 1 minute.
I rail against making shitty art
Because I’ve got to do it with heart 
But sometimes I’ve just got to pour the cracks and creases
With a love that never ceases 
As I flex my knuckles to breaking point 
And somewhere a baby anoint 
Into a chasm of a different making 
Am I labouring under what I’m forsaking 
The church and motherhood
Do I give both up for good 
Because I’m nearly thirty four 
And I’ve been told to make shakes or the floor 
Will drop out from under my feet
In the instance of a heartbeat
And is it just to reclaim the child within 
That I want one with him 
Though I’d never say 
Not face to face anyway 
In my hidden stance I defy 
All the parts of him that try to die
Against my will 
Does he even know what he would kill 
If he thought to take the drink and spill 
It out over the ground 
I don’t make a sound 
As the earth quakes 
But something in me breaks 
As though he’s taking a hammer to it 
And nothing, not even his wit
Can put it back together 
Are we all summer weather 
Friends
And when it all ends 
Will anything remain 
If I play this track again 

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The Pain And The Peace

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There is pain and there is peace
And there is a moment where both cease
To mean anything at all
And I’m staring at a wall
Just tap tapping my pen 
And I feel it all again 
And it is as though the universe rehearse
The plaid shirt poetry in my verse 
As it speaks to me through life
And I always thought I’d be a wife
But that doesn’t seem to be my thing 
I would prefer truth over a ring 
And I can’t condense this immaculate soul 
Into something that is just a role
For there is love and there is joy
But can I tie myself to a boy
Forevermore
And forsake the soul I adore
Or is there a way he can open the expanse
So that both our spirits will dance
Together in unison 
But he just chooses to get his gun
And shoot at cacti in the desert 
I question his poor self worth 
But he doesn’t seem to be inclined to rise
And settles like sand at the bottom of my eyes
And the glass is half empty, never full 
I bathe his wounds with cotton wool 
So it will not inflict too much pain 
But how can a man stand this much rain 
And I know the fields are green so 
There is much that will grow 
And an abundance of fertility 
And for all his virility 
I can’t put my finger on what isn’t gone 
I just know I can’t ignore our song 
As I pull back from the book and gram 
Some metaverse serving someone’s plan 
In the ether 
It’s not me either 
It’s a seed to sow 
I hold on, just so you know 
And though you beg me to let go 
It’s just not in my make up 
So why don’t you just wake up 
And see the sky above your head 
it will keep you from the dread 
That forms moats around your castles 
And I know you want a girl with tassels 
But I don’t think that’s what I am 
I said to him as I hold his hand 
And in confusion iridescent blue 
Meets my own in a new hue 

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The Litany Of Truth

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I try to block the truth from reaching me 
And all the universe is teaching me 
Has to turn into a baseball bat
Instead of the original welcome mat
He offered me love in the extreme
And though it was a part of the dream 
It had something real to it too 
And I realised I was in love with you 
But I turned away
Because what is it that people say
We are too different to make it work 
And you are bathed in the hurt
You’ve spent your whole life accumulate
And you’ve let it make you hate 
People you don’t understand 
But you’re beautiful and I love you, man 
And I know the dial will turn to spin on me 
So I let you go free
And I feel your resignation and resolution
But you know that is no solution 
So I have to intervene 
Did you hear me scream 
When my brain came apart in two 
That was life splitting me from you
And we both fragmented into an entangled particle 
And people start to call me “some article” 
But I don’t mind 
Because I have not left you behind 
You’re still in my soul 
Like the bed of truth and rock and roll 
And it doesn’t matter, come what may
I’ll sing this song to you and you’ll wake and say
I love you Laura 
And as I read your aura 
It will speak volumes of colour
And all that made you duller 
Will lift and release
And we will make that beast 
Retract into its cave
Go back into the dark so grave 
Like the boy I could not save
He became the man I crave

Commonplace Understandings

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I don’t know what we were
But I know I don’t wanna fight with her
But I feel her get my back up 
When I offer her love
And she slaps my hand 
Like the hourglass isn’t pouring sand
And all of us into the ocean 
Why are you afraid to show emotion
Is it just me 
Or is it the dragon that was set free 
Two decades ago 
And somewhere amidst the snow 
The annals of us are preserved 
I try to keep my cool but I am unnerved 
By the sheer lack of the sea 
In the meadows that lap against me 
And I can’t make it better and I can’t mend 
What she never broke but doesn’t intend
To rectify 
There is a part of us that can never die
And a part that does day by day
I wonder why she is that way
And the reason seems clear
But she doesn’t know how I hold her dear
And is it my lot to be unknown 
And only have my true colours shown 
When a stranger just walks into my days
And tells me I’m free in so many ways
And he thinks I hate him, I can hear him sigh 
But the mists move the mountains and I cry 
Out with the fear of it
But he’s alcohol and I take a sip 
And find myself head of heels 
Like I’m lost on instagram reels 
Just trying to find my source
I am not a child of divorce
But I know the fracture when the world splits 
Or the chasm that opens when death hits
You hard in the gut 
And someone you love things you’re in a rut
But I would never leave the flowerbed
Above the grave that marks your head 
So I’ll just let you know 
That I was not born to let go 

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The Poet Of The Pyrenees

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I miss David more than I can explain
I look outside and it’s rain
And it was always sun when he was around
Like he gave meaning and life to sound 
And he burst colour into the scene 
As though I was alive within the dream 
And now all is dull and grey
And what is it that people say
Life is what you make it 
And love is deep so don’t forsake it 
But I don’t know how to utter your name
Without making you take the blame 
For all that we could never be
I saw you down on one knee
Proposing to me
But you laugh in my face and the indignity 
Of the moment have me cracking open 
The shell that was the kernel of hoping 
For more than just words on the page
And the silent rage
Pounds against the walls of my castle 
And I wonder is romance worth the hassle 
If it means I must go up against 
Your past and your present tense 
And maybe you’ll never know what it meant 
When you accepted the letter I sent 

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It’s The Little Things

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It’s the little things
Like wedding rings
And fire that ignite
And I hear that you like
What you see
And when the person is me
I blush and then sigh
And I don’t say goodbye
To you again
Coz I’ve made my peace with the notion of men
How you can’t show affection
Without them wanting to add you to their collection
Of dolls sitting on the wall
But that isn’t me at all
Except when I’m walking by the rows
And the feeling shows 
As I smirk 
And I didn’t think that this would work
But it does 
And the story starts because
I let you in the door
When I’m walking on the ground floor
Of the building grey
But the door unlocks when you say
Hello to me
I didn’t think that I would be
Clutching at straws at thirty three

Broken Arrows

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She uses broken arrows to fire at me 
Then says that she sets me free 
But her archery is not second place
And she knows how to deface 
A wall with her spray paint eyes 
And bulletproof disguise
And we’ll never be what we were 
Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her 
And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back)
Still though your love don’t mean jack 
Not now, not anymore
And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór
But our two by two is now shattered glass 
Because you thought he just wanted ass 
And so you sought to protect
Me from being a reject
But in seeing me in the lowest terms
I set fire to the hay and it burns 
Up all the crackling grass
And she said that this too shall pass
But she’s not the one who has to live through the story 
I know she’ll just ignore me 
If I try to press my case
So I fall silent in the land gone to waste
And spill it all out onto a page
All my bubbling pain and held back rage 
When she’s in the room 
I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom 

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Echo Your Name

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I walked on the eggshells of not knowing where to look 
Should I do this one by the book 
Or throw the rules out of the window 
I know she has her eyes on him though 
As I spy her through my eyeglass
And we both agree that Darragh is class 
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name 
But he’ll only see this when I’m way high and fame 
Has taken me to the door 
Of all the people I love but mo stór 
Let me tell you you were epic 
And I hope I didn’t wreck it
And that somewhere in your heart
You still have me on start 
And hit go every now and then 
I look up and worship as you say Amen 
To the starshot in my eyes
I almost dropped the disguise
When she asked me which guy I liked 
And my courage almost spiked 
But then I just deflect 
I think she knows though, I suspect
And it was over ten years ago 
Time passes (most people don’t know)
But something’s eternal, something’s ever there
Like the way I know you care 
As we walk the dark path into the grounds
Of the apartment complex and all the sounds
Fall to the silence of our footsteps
I cried that night into my own regret
And it was one of the first few days I started writing again 
In the end something begin 
And I went chasing after Haley’s comet
But someone else is already on it 
So I just wrote this note to say
I still think of you, okay 
Even if it’s though the moonbeams 
And the dresses that are ripped at the seams 
Because they took their cutting scissors to them
Still, I wish I could play you again 

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Childhood Haunts

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There are childhood haunts 
They rise up and grip 
And I am myself when I let the mask slip 
Like Keyz and I playing Freespace
And all the years that went to waste 
Just soaking in the sun 
When I met the man I love I run 
And I don’t know why that is 
Because I’ve always been his 
And if I could only explain to her
What we were 
I think she could understand 
It wasn’t like I had anything planned
I just know what soul speaks 
And I count the years, months and weeks 
Since we’ve last talked
Since you walked 
And the demons sat on the edge of my consciousness 
The doctor said I was “in distress”
But he doesn’t know jack 
And I want my freedom back 
The freedom to feel, to wreak havoc or hell
Without people telling me I’m unwell 
As they submerge what’s only tide
And try to kill what is alive
In me
But I’ll always be 
This girl of colour and plunging dark 
It’s from the night where rises the spark 
And it visits me again and again 
One day it’s a bird, next it’s men 
And then 
I realise I won’t settle 
Thorny as a rose and stinging like a nettle 
But somehow singing like a kettle 
When you put me on boil 
Or is that just what it is to be a Coyle 

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Hollow

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I scream but it doesn’t bring her back 
And sometimes all you can think about is what you lack 
And I saw her at fifteen washing the dishes
And I know that in spite of all of our hugs and kisses
I will have to say goodbye to her
And does that mean what we were 
Will cease to exist 
And I have to let the mourn
Become something new that’s born
Because they say to move on 
But there’s a space where you’re gone
And nothing will ever be the same again 
I could fall into the men 
I crave and creep towards 
But at the end of the day its only words 
When what you love will surely die 
No matter how you try and try
And insidious is the despair 
When you realise that they’re not there 
Anymore
And the open door 
Where it was always closed coz we were sitting at the fire
And I tire 
Of the baseless platitudes 
I just remember the charisma you exude
And how now we stand at a cold grave
For nothing can save
Anyone of us from our fate 
Should I have went on that first date

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Dynamics

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I get mad and I tell him to eff off
Coz you gotta know when enough is enough
Then I see his eyes spill tears
And I realise he’s been crying for years and years 
Just trying to get to me
So he’s says he forgets me
Just to hear me squirm 
When will I ever learn
That the male gender is not what we’ve been told
Maybe not just a safe haven in the growing old
But some kind of precious we don’t get to touch
Should I tell him again how I love him so much

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Deliberations And Hesitation

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Are you a narcissist, I think I'd love you anyway
And I've had my truck with one before you came my way
And she goddamned broke my heart with her remarks 
And I lived for two months in the complete dark 
With no hope of light
But I said that it's alright
Because she is out of my life
Now I just want to be his wife 
And I see the familiar pattern 
Like I am coming at him 
When I just say how I feel
And I wonder if this is real 
Because I'm just sitting by his side
With no way to hide 
Anything that is inside
And I hear in the years that have moved on 
His memory of me is almost gone
And that he has got a girl
At least he tells me that in his world 
I am shy of the ceiling 
And there's no way he can be dealing 
With my kind of shit
But I just keep talking it
Though I fail to say the words I mean
You are my fucking dream 
You are my love and my heart 
And I just want to take part
In your life 
Does lightning strike twice? 
Or does love just make the ground
A place that can hold the sound
Of the thunder as it rolls
Something entwines our two souls 

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Shyness And Circumstance

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I could tell that he wanted to die 
And I just wanted to tell him not to cry
But how can I be of use
How can I be the proof
That life is worth living
And there's nothing that needs forgiving
You are innocent, pure 
And I trust in that place in you, for sure 
But you don't believe me and I watch you turn away
And I am lost for words to say
Just know that I will be here, here
And I will make it crystal clear
That I am not going anywhere 
So don't you dare
Depart these lands 
Because someone understands
Even if she blushes when you smile 
Even if she'd watch you for a long while
Even if she'd make pain into art
And wait before she gives you her heart
Even though it's yours for the taking 
And I'm not faking 
I'm just shy and a little afraid
And you're so bright I seek the shade
So I can look out from there 
And make sure you know I care 
I count every step you take 
To me and with each one I hope you wake
To the notion that love is true
And that it will always be in me for you

Metaphysical

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Thank you to whoever bought Metaphysical! If you are on here drop me a comment and let me know what you thought of it – good or bad.

It means so much to me that you guys read my work and enjoy it. That there are actually physical copies going into the hands of people around the world, whether they be my friends and family, or strangers I’ve met through the internet really fills me with appreciation.

So, thank you again ❤️❤️❤️

Oh, and didn’t miss the 11.11 💫

Surrender

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I like an iced drink on the rocks
Like I used to like Seapoint and the playing slots
Because my grandmother created a memory with me 
As we bet on 5p 
To reveal the mystery 
And she had lost my grandfather to history 
But she did not stay long 
Is it wrong 
To see the poetic madness in following the one you love
To the grave or to above
If that’s how you see it 
And something tells me I’ve got to just be it
And he’s miles away from me 
But I don’t want him to see
He’s always been the one my soul chooses
And everything is just weight that he loses 
As he untethers his pain 
And something brings us together again 
I’m making this masterpiece so that you 
Might know who I’m talking to 
When I follow the fuse
To the one I always choose 

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The Fawn

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The fawn is always yawning out her insides
I swear you could set your clock by the way that she abides
By the steady midnight tock 
Of the stories that she keeps on lock 
And I’ve decided to just drop out of her sphere
Because chains, bells and whistles when she is near
And she never listens and she never hears
She is the iceberg as my ship steers
Unto it’s own direction 
And it’s as if love is just a selection 
That we make 
I know you call the boys and girls fake
When they do not measure up 
To the talisman of our love
And I keep it held in my heart
But you wouldn’t know if you tear it apart
Just to find out what is there
It’s like asking a brain to care
After a person is dead
What is it that you said 
You don’t have time 
That might have been a good line 
If it had been true
But, man, I just don’t believe you
Not when you’re rocking back and forth 
On the chair on our porch
When we’re both eighty two 
No Bambi can take me away from you

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The Place That We Meet

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Why do I get to sit by my fire
While the people in the Middle East tire
Of being ignored by the Western world
And I’m just a girl 
What difference can I make 
I am not one to shake 
Out the tree 
Of indignity 
And revolutionise 
The way the hope dies
And the children, the children, the children bleed
And I know that all they need
Is some warm food in their bellies
No waiting til after dinner to give them jellies
And there’s a protest dying 
Somewhere a mother is crying 
Over her son 
And I wish I could be the one 
To soothe the pain 
But the rain 
Doesn’t fall when you need it to 
We are told there’s nothing we can do 
As the educated eejits make bombs of war
I don’t know what it’s for 
If not to destroy 
How can you teach a boy
That he shouldn’t push that button red
But the temptation overcomes instead
Because to expand your land 
Is the fuel to the demand 
Of a heart never satisfied 
I don’t know but I think that the truth died

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The Old Dark Machine

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The old dark machine pulls and it shakes
It shudders when the earth quakes 
Entertaining no form of rain 
Though the ground is wet in vain 
And no grass grows up to meet
The pavement that they call a street 
And somehow I see it in her eyes
The part of her that dies 
Every time the house is empty 
And I was just a girl of twenty 
When I realised
That everybody dies 
Slowly but not all the same 
Some are not even given a name 
As in their mother’s womb they lie
And she in grief because they try and try
For so long to bequeath a child 
Now all they’re left with is the wild 
Of the Burren sparse and grey
Though beauty in its own way
Will rise up through the crevice crack 
From a life they can’t get back 
As they grasp and struggle and refrain 
I didn’t know that I could forgive the pain 

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