Tag: loss

Collapse Of All

.Reading time 1 minute.
The war takes my breath away 
That people could still think in that way 
In terms of human animals and sorting knives by their edge
The sharpness of the thoughts in their head
As they strike their enemy down 
But what if their enemy lived in this town 
And they decided to blitz it 
Because they say that violence fits it 
And it deserves decimation 
I think of the train station 
Where I once met him 
And the idea is so grim 
That he would be the men in the verse 
Where they say women and children first 
And I have to leave him on the ship 
Or hands behind his back tied with a zip 
In a grave at Nasser with nothing to identify 
I watch as a mother cry 
And scream over the loss
If this is innocence then why do they pay the cost 
For a button you press 
And guns they fire, you know the rest 
I don’t need to elucidate 
Because I’ve touched the educate 
In Middle Eastern politics 
And the lump in my throat still sticks 
When I hear the students soar 
And demand that the people in charge do more 
To prevent what happens to a child 
Lost somewhere in a wild
Wild world 
Sometimes it’s a blessing to be born a girl

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The Literary Pen

.Reading time 3 minutes.
They all called me the literary pen 
But she said she wouldn’t live it again 
And I felt flattened, raw 
Til I was thirty five in the great thaw
And it’s an age I haven’t reached as of yet 
But it’s also something I cannot forget 
And she was it all to me 
Twenty years since I saw myself future hence
Living with her in the past tense 
And it cuts like a knife 
To know that he and his wife
Are no longer around 
And every breath relays the sound 
Of the emptiness of a chair 
And the person that once sat there 
It’s purple and maroon 
And there was once life in that room 
And saying goodbye nearly killed my soul 
So I just roll 
With the tidal waves 
And the people nothing saves 
Except the angels who come to collect 
The edges of the dreams I have wrecked
I lay on the floor 
Of the bathroom I abhor 
Near the ward in Roscommon Hospital 
But there’s nothing soothing about the cross of it all 
Because I know what’s coming 
And she half raised this young ‘un
And the nightmare is that it’s true
And I know there’s is no keeping you 
Not in the way things were before 
Then I realised something about you, mo stór
My grandmother’s prayers are still protecting me 
Even when it seems life is rejecting me 
I have another fifty years to go to reach the age of depart 
And I thought my whole heart 
Went with you when you go 
Didn’t realise it meant that you stay with me though 
Because the thump thump in my chest 
Still holds the strings of those I love best
And the glass shatters all over the tiles
And I pick them up for miles and miles 
Because there is a coffin across the road 
And I can’t escape the road 
That we all must take 
Til I collapse and wake 
At the wake 
And the person I will not forsake 
Not for all the money or the tea in China 
Is that all it will take to remind ya 
That love lasts forever 
Not a memory of a lost endeavour 
That sank to the bottom of the ocean 
And all this emotion 
Comes in waves 
Like seasons come in days
Slowly, bit by bit 
I come to know who I’m walking with

Asking You Jesus

.Reading time 4 minutes.
I disappear into the silence
And it is a form of violence
To let no one know 
That I am letting go 
Of my tenuous connection to reality 
For an inoculation from this insanity 
Everyone clicks like 
Meanwhile there is a spike 
In the suicides in the area and I just want to scream 
It’s the end of somebody’s dream 
And maybe all they needed was a hand to hold 
Or someone to have told 
Them that they’re worth it 
I wish they didn’t have to hurt, it 
Is so unfair 
Because I’ve been there 
It was in the mists, long ago 
But I know
I know 
And there’s just this pause
When you realise that all is lost 
And all the compassion in the world 
Couldn’t save the girl 
From her fate
I ate what was on my dinner plate
And they drove me away 
Storm after storm until I couldn’t say 
What was winter and what was just plain cold 
Life’s a bitch when you’re made of gold
And everyone craves your Midas touch 
I told the boy I love him so much 
But he just tells me to fuck off 
A few years before a common cough 
Could spark panic in the collective zone
I think I wrecked it on the phone 
When I tried to pour my heart’s blood
Onto a floor that was too good
To ever be a non stick pan 
I just wanted him to know what I am 
Meanwhile I’m sitting in the ward with Sarah 
And I care, ah 
Now she is shaking 
And all staff are just baking 
Their cakes in the oven 
So I stand up to their anti loving 
And go over and sit with her 
Put my arm around what we never were 
And tell her it’s okay
She tells me to go away 
But I stay 
And I feel it fall into the abyss 
And the dart shoots but it miss 
Her beautiful self 
I died so you could have someone else 
By your side when the times get rough 
Isn’t Jesus all about love
And psychosis may be a diagnosis 
But I ghosted that doctor who was too precocious 
For his own wealth 
And he can’t categorise my mental health 
In a trail of ink 
And the man threw the sink 
Out of its cage 
And I rage 
As we’re baking bread 
I would stay just to free you from your head
And you write in your diary 
But its a new earth and I’m firey 
But I won’t burn down 
Not while there’s still people in this town 
Got to get them out 
So I let God have my mouth 
To utter the Word 
I let it be and let it be heard

Picking Up Pieces

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I was just picking up pieces
Because everything I love deceases 
And I find solace in Tolle 
Like I used to in the holy
I would pray in the pews
That God would give me advance news 
Of anything I needed to be forewarned about 
Then twelve hit and the doubt
Set in 
Because I watched Him 
Get crucified 
How could Love Itself have died 
A death on the cross 
It’s titanic and all is lost 
And I’m walking up the drive wheeling the bin
Thinking about him  
And thought “what if none of it is true” 
I lost absolute faith in you 
And I would say my vows hoping it would return 
And it wasn’t coz I was afraid I would burn 
It was coz it meant that I would see 
The ones I love eternally 
Five months after my grandfather had died 
And the anger replaced the tears that I cried 
I wanted to rail against the world 
But I’m only a girl 
A screaming point of focus 
Shouting into the great locus 
Of all of creation 
And I gave myself to my education 
So that I might become learned 
But the axis still turned 
And turned and without fail 
I would stand out and shout into the hail 
But it did no good 
And his blood 
Still flows in me 
I just think of our history 
And how we were beaten and broken 
Like refugees and boats floating 
On the Mediterranean Sea 
Not knowing if they’ll ever be
Safe again 
I ran from my home
Til I became the One

The Floorboard Creaks

.Reading time 4 minutes.
I kept quiet 
As my head became a riot 
Because I had promised you 
Secrecy as you poured your truth into 
My listening ear 
But then you evince a glistening tear 
As I’m shattered and grey
Because my grandmother has gone away 
And I stand just washing the dishes 
Thinking of our hugs and kisses 
And the whole window pane 
Breaks upon me like rain 
And school was my escape in a way 
But it became the place where people say 
Bad things about me 
Look away from my eyes and doubt me 
And even Doireann doesn’t know what to do 
When I’m in Room One fighting with you 
I was trying to prove a point 
But it just knocked your nose out of joint 
And I realise I can’t win this war 
So I abandon what it is for 
And leave you to that shore 
Of not knowing me anymore 
And you say it was the biggest mistake 
You ever made but when you wake 
Do you realise what you did to me 
When I had lost all I thought I could be 
And lie in the gutter 
Going over the words I heard you utter 
Under your breath 
And my biggest regret 
Is that I ever gave you the time of day
Because I sensed you were not okay
And needed a friend to talk to 
Now I just lose the weight of you 
In the mist and in the crossfire 
And when the straits became dire 
A light shone from a higher 
Window
It was Him though
The only words I had for the Absolute 
Was the Jesus that had taken root
Like a tree in my soul 
And your eyes may roll 
At my steady devotion 
But I show no emotion 
And lock it down 
Because you are not allowed in this town 
Not now, not anymore 
They say INFJ’s slam the door 
But it was more than that 
It was just the realisation that if she’s coming back 
It’s going to be as a changed human 
Because I am not ok with what you’re doing 
To the people within your reach 
And it’s not a lesson I am here to teach 
It’s just that I have to go 
And by the time you know 
I will be in Timbuktu 
Living a life far away from you 
And it’s not that I don’t still care 
It’s just I won’t let you dare 
To cross that line one more time 
I’ve no mind to become the scene of a crime 
And pulverise 
Underneath the heaviness of lies
That you tell like a scéal 
About me, well you can keep that tale
And anyone who will entertain 
What I sought to put through in vain 
It just became the rain 
But I am unwritten so you can’t keep my name 
In your book of words 
I left the ground like one of the birds 
To take flight into air 
If I’m gone maybe you’ll know I was there

Deviations From The Norm

.Reading time 3 minutes.

There wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

Taylor Swift
There are deviations from the norm
And some people said it was just bad form 
As she excommunicated me from the religion I love
Because I fit around that hand like a glove
And she told me I was too perfect and pristine
And it became a nightmare before I woke from the dream 
And found out what God really mean 
But I still bear the scar
From the mark made by what you are 
And I know you’re deeper and true 
And it’s just that the losing of you 
Did more for me than having you could do 
And I became spacious as the sky is blue 
As open and wide and as far as the eye can see 
When I lost the will to live out my destiny 
And fought to find a spark in the dark of night 
And no one thought to ask if I was alright 
Because I was the villain 
In your own personal film 
About how you were the victim of fate
And people love someone to hate 
And they gathered around my ghost
And I watched her lose what she loved the most
In this melee
And now I’m free 
Of all that gathers at the hem 
And you would do it to me again 
If I gave you the chance
So I took away the music that used to make you dance
To the sound of us 
Do you hear the quiet of broken trust 
And I lean on the two of the old brigade 
I close my eyes and pour it into Ciara and Sinéad 
Because I know they have my back 
And just because I feel that I lack 
What I was before 
Doesn’t mean there isn’t something to adore 
In the statue I’ve become 
There’s wisdom in the age you lose when you are young 
And I wish you the best of all that there is 
Because the rest of what I am is His 
In the sudden sun that dawned upon the glen 
And I close my eyes and whisper Amen 
To every prayer I’ve ever uttered 
I open my eyes like windows I had shuttered

The Mourning

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The mourning seems to follow me round
I hear it quench and I savour the sound 
And my grandmother lay on the settee 
And there were moments she did not recognise me 
And Rocky was nearby because he knew
Something I could not put words into 
And the past comes to mind 
And I’m full of tears at what’s left behind 
And they say that that’s just life 
Because everybody’s wife 
Must someday leave this ground 
And the weight of hate abound 
As the countries bomb each other 
And someone cries for their brother
Who is caught in the crossfire
But the powers that be never seem to tire
Of inflicting wrath
And I can’t go back 
To how it was before 
Before I lost you, mo stór 
I was fourteen and the cracked glass
Never thought to ask 
Who it was breaking 
But I know I am not forsaking 
What we are 
I look up at every star 
And see you there
And the grief is sometimes more than I can bear
Then the light shone 
And it was like the pain was gone 
But how can I love you if I don’t remember
The loss that your departure engender 
And I sit beside you in the hospital bed
But I know you are not in your head
I can feel you floating somewhere above
Looking down and blessing me, love
Like you’ve done for my whole life 
I’m just glad no one lives twice 
Because I don’t think I could lose you again
And in this world of men 
There is a female blessing 
That comes through the fold that is distressing 
To my core 
I don’t know if I believe in God anymore 
But I believe that love endure 
And you taught me what it means to be pure

The Burden We Bear

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The tragedy of being Irish and free
Is now I have to watch them being ripped from me 
And we fought the British for so long 
Because they tried to stifle our song 
Only to realise 
That we were born under rainy skies 
And the famine and the genocide 
As my family dies 
And I stand at the grave
And think of all the people the fight could not save 
As we all hold the weight 
Of some kind of inflicted hate 
That still lives in our bones and blood
And they think they are good 
For daring to trying to quench the light 
Of the good fight 
For growing up on the grass so green 
Celtic and inbetween 
This world and the next 
And the Spanish were shipwrecked 
And now their bloodlines are descended 
We are a conglomeration that has amended
The phrase níos Gaelaí ná Gaeil iad féin 
And there’s something I love about the rain 
And touching down after Arizona 
My God, how I wish I could phone ya 
After our magnificent fight 
The one that set the devil alight 
And he tries to burn me in St. Pat’s 
As the people put out their welcome mats 
To tell me to come home 
And that it’s okay I’m alone 
But I just feel the shaking of the trees 
And the death that’s always on the breeze 
When you grow up under the sky 
Of the memory that cannot lie

Lying Awake At Night

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Lying awake at night and wondering if the needle is pulling through
And all I can think about is you
In some descent of mystery
Ireland lost in her own history  
I stare at the stars out the window
I’m still thinking of him though 
And I’m reminded of being seventeen 
Before the lightning struck the dream
Of knowing your face
Now you’re something I can’t replace
And the fear of losing you to death
Is the foundation of my regret 
And I know what you were thinking of 
I could read it in your eyes, my love 
And I cracked under the pressure 
I fell apart under the fissure
That just opened up between us two 
I look at the pain in the eyes of you 
As they crumple and grimace
Lines around eyes that cannot finish
The sentences they begin 
And I will always be with him 
Even if it takes me to the grave
The boy I thought I could save
And he’s shouting down the phone at me 
While I lie into the line of indignity 
And try to hold the two pieces together 
But some things just can’t change the weather
That blows on through 
And there may be few 
Things on this earth that can catch me by the lapel 
But the thought of you in hell 
Without me rips the heaven from my grasp 
And I know this thing will last 
For an eternity 
Because you’re not going anywhere without me 
And I can hear us cry 
As we scream there is no goodbye
That could ever be peaceful between us 
I marvel at the creator that must have dreamed us

The Futility And Helplessness

.Reading time 1 minute.
The futility and helplessness sets the kettle to boil 
And I wouldn’t be a daughter of this soil 
If the tragedy of conflict didn’t run in my veins 
And if I didn’t understand their pains
As they’re bombed into an oblivion 
How do I forgive them 
For what they don’t know they do 
When they are crucifying you 
For all they want to gain 
Because of the mechanics of their pain
As it spins round and round 
And delivers verdict without a sound 
Only the deafening quiet of thunder
Another neighbourhood going under
To the sound of crush
And the people rush
To see who they can save
As western civilisation cave
Under the weight of its own oppression
And every truth seems like a confession 
We make in the dark 
And we scroll past the things that leave a mark
And I watch young men in suits 
Brush past the truth
Like it is an inconvenient stare 
That they don’t want to admit is there 
When they don’t want it to be 
And if the Mediterranean Sea
Is the only place you can find solid ground
You know the silence has been lost in sound

The Bullet In My Body

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is a bullet in my body, some kind of shrapnel 
I got from the war I fought
With a boy who can’t be bought
Not with trinkets polished to gold
Not with promises of growing old 
Only the truth raises his eyes
And lets him see with no disguise
As he looks into me 
Letting part of it go free
As it struggles to get loose
What is the point that you prove
When you seek to impress
Me so you can see me undress 
In your mind 
And I ask what’s left behind 
In the water that we find 
Somewhere on the shore 
And I visit Loch Lomond and adore
The wilderness of mountains frame
When the English played their games
With the lives of their so called subjects
But I reject
Their colonial expanse
That would have killed the dance
Every human heart is party to 
And I see that freedom in you 
As you fight with me 
And you don’t know that your integrity
Is my favourite thing about ya
Did you think I doubt ya 
When you say that no means no 
And I love you but I let it go 
And trust that fate will bring us together
In this sea of highland weather 
The Celt in my bones
Won’t leave it alone 
And I just call you “one more time” 
Would it be a crime 
If I crossed your girlfriends line 
That has been drawn in the sand
And I cannot love someone else’s man 
Though I do
My soul will ever call to you 
Across the ocean between us
I think God might dream us 
When we conceive of a future we own
And do you lose if the game has been thrown? 

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Can I Not Speak My Truth?

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Can I not speak my truth
As I try to put words to my youth
And the boy that blazed the sky
Across the part of me that would not die
Not matter how they tried
To bury me with the tears they’ve cried
Over ancient wounds 
But he walks into rooms
And just changes the air
Not someone else is there
And I can’t knock 
Even though there are things that it is not
Could I just be your friend
And wait for things to end
With her
So we can reconnect with what we were
And my sister warns me to stay away
And my mother lets me know I would have to pay
A price I can’t afford
If I risk my room and board 
In the home I built for us 
Because paper wrinkled with broken trust
Can’t be merged back into fine
Without someone having to do hard time 
As I walk in the night
It’s five o’ clock and, alright
It’s to early to call 
So I bang my head off a wall
And hope that it will soothe the drum 
That whispers to me what we will become 
If I just let it flow
Why is it that being told to let go 
Makes me feel like someone’s stabbing my guts 
And the model in me struts 
Down the aisle 
But the lioness only smile 
As she bares her teeth 
We both stood on the street
Near the monument to 1916
And sometimes I wonder if it was only ever a dream 
To think you loved me then 
Because I have watched boys become men 
And what they lose in the shutting down 
And women craving a white gown 
To give them worthiness points
In a society that anoints
Babies into a secular sphere
And you know the end is near
When you begin 
But, for once, I hope you win 
When you try to wash away
The part of me that won’t let you stay
Near the shore that I created
And I never wanted to be educated
And forget the truth I am
I love you like Ros wants Sam
And your smile breaks the scene 
I wish you the best of this broken dream 

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The Line I Shouldn’t Cross

.Reading time 1 minute.
The line I shouldn’t cross
Tries to tell me who’s boss
With it’s threats and warnings 
And just because it’s storming 
Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be
Is the weather messing with me 
And I hear the call of Frances deep
Behind every promise that I keep
Somewhere int he wood 
Of the lines of feeling good
As I surfed that wave
And all the people I was going to save
With my wilderness heart
And the love that God had set apart 
For you and I
But does the water die
When it slips through your fingers 
And are the bringers 
Of the other side
Really merchants of doom 
All I can say is I know when you’re in the room
Coz I feel you before I see you
But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you
As I feel the current pushing forth
Past the boundaries of no remorse
And you found a safe haven with her
And I don’t want to risk it on what we were
So I can’t be your friend
Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end
So we can take up where we left off
And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost 
Of losing what they thought to hold
So I put the letters in bold
I love you but I’m letting you go
I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know

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The Unassailable Goneness

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The unassailable goneness when you lose someone you love
And there’s no point looking for them in the sky above
Just an empty black hole, a colossal void
I withdraw into myself and people think that I’m annoyed
When I lash out at everyone (coz they don’t really care)
Then abandon the one boy who thought to dare
To breach my trenches, to traverse no man’s land
I look at him with suspicion but he offers me his hand
And it’s so delectably soft, so inconceivably frail
That I know in that moment that my defences fail
To keep out the love that is pouring through my heart
You know I tried my best, I didn’t mean for it to start
But it did and it does
And now I say that I’m in love
With a mortal form of the eternal being
I keep wiping my eyes, through the crying I am seeing 
As he turns from my gaze into his own reverie
And I contemplate the moment that God let us be
Held for a second like a ball in mid air
For once everything and the next not even there
As life pulls us apart in the guise of what we’re freeing
Now I don’t even know the landscape you are seeing
Through those precious eyes and lashes to frame
Though time and space expand I still feel the same
As I ever did, now then and before
In this world of passing things I found something I adore
Something that endures as my riverbed soul
Can’t separate the distance that it would take to roll
And crash a wave upon a shore like I know it will be
I wonder who’ll die first, will it be you or me
Because we are not vampires, we don’t get a thousand years
And I’ve been building up the pressure but the dam bursts with tears
And you’re with another woman but that is not the reason
It’s the simple fact that all things have a season
As our leaves bloom and grow then turn rusty red 
I thought of you like a hero now I think of you in bed
And all the dials turn on the sun of our day
Please don’t make it hurt when you go away

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Each Grain Of Sand

.Reading time 1 minute.
It’s a nightmare we’re all dreaming
And somewhere the children are screaming
And it aches in my heart and it pulls at my soul
Something crushes the begging bowl
And flattens the land
The hills and valleys that used to understand 
All the movement and all the sighs
I watch a brother break as his sibling dies
And his wails of pain seem all to familiar to me
Because I know the crushing weight of the sea
As it pummels the shore 
What is left to adore
In this broken world
And if I am just a girl
How do I effect change
But I watch the stars rearrange
Every season in the sky
As I ask God why
He could allow such things
And if the spirit has wings
Does it fly away from here
When it’s separated from the ones we hold dear
In a man made disaster
And there is no plaster
Than can fix bullet holes 
And we’re all just supposed to play our roles
In this great big cosmic machine
And I thank God that it is just a dream
As I rouse to wake
The people that die for humanity’s sake 
I feel something break
And go free in me
Are we doomed to repeat history
Or can we be the change we want to see
If there’s a man in the mirror it starts with me

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Broken Arrows

.Reading time 1 minute.
She uses broken arrows to fire at me 
Then says that she sets me free 
But her archery is not second place
And she knows how to deface 
A wall with her spray paint eyes 
And bulletproof disguise
And we’ll never be what we were 
Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her 
And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back)
Still though your love don’t mean jack 
Not now, not anymore
And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór
But our two by two is now shattered glass 
Because you thought he just wanted ass 
And so you sought to protect
Me from being a reject
But in seeing me in the lowest terms
I set fire to the hay and it burns 
Up all the crackling grass
And she said that this too shall pass
But she’s not the one who has to live through the story 
I know she’ll just ignore me 
If I try to press my case
So I fall silent in the land gone to waste
And spill it all out onto a page
All my bubbling pain and held back rage 
When she’s in the room 
I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom 

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Hollow

.Reading time 1 minute.
I scream but it doesn’t bring her back 
And sometimes all you can think about is what you lack 
And I saw her at fifteen washing the dishes
And I know that in spite of all of our hugs and kisses
I will have to say goodbye to her
And does that mean what we were 
Will cease to exist 
And I have to let the mourn
Become something new that’s born
Because they say to move on 
But there’s a space where you’re gone
And nothing will ever be the same again 
I could fall into the men 
I crave and creep towards 
But at the end of the day its only words 
When what you love will surely die 
No matter how you try and try
And insidious is the despair 
When you realise that they’re not there 
Anymore
And the open door 
Where it was always closed coz we were sitting at the fire
And I tire 
Of the baseless platitudes 
I just remember the charisma you exude
And how now we stand at a cold grave
For nothing can save
Anyone of us from our fate 
Should I have went on that first date

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A Familiar Shape

.Reading time 1 minute.
I saw her from a distance
She cut a familiar shape
And I know she just wants to escape
But the prison is more than these four walls
And the laughter is caged in the halls
And I wish I could talk to Stephen again
He really was the best of men 
And there was something he said that rings true 
That there are some people who die even if you
Really want to help
It’s like when you hear the dog let out a yelp
When it’s been kicked
Then you hear someone call her a bitch
And it just reminds me of your name 
And how people say; “it’s such a shame” 
And how they didn’t when she was alive
They just said “she’s troubled” and the subside
Caught her on the wrong side of the shore
But I throw her an oar 
From over here 
And though she may be gone, my dear
She is also still in the same place
I just remember the beauty of her face
And the staunch of her soul 
Even the greatest waves must roll
And know you’re not alone 
Nor are you far from home 
When you are in your own heart
There’s something the demons can’t tear apart

The Old Dark Machine

.Reading time 1 minute.
The old dark machine pulls and it shakes
It shudders when the earth quakes 
Entertaining no form of rain 
Though the ground is wet in vain 
And no grass grows up to meet
The pavement that they call a street 
And somehow I see it in her eyes
The part of her that dies 
Every time the house is empty 
And I was just a girl of twenty 
When I realised
That everybody dies 
Slowly but not all the same 
Some are not even given a name 
As in their mother’s womb they lie
And she in grief because they try and try
For so long to bequeath a child 
Now all they’re left with is the wild 
Of the Burren sparse and grey
Though beauty in its own way
Will rise up through the crevice crack 
From a life they can’t get back 
As they grasp and struggle and refrain 
I didn’t know that I could forgive the pain 

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The Wake

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It’s an Irish tradition 
But it feels like ammunition 
Firing into my soul 
Oh, what it takes to be whole
When a person is ripped from this earth
And people just say, I’m sorry that it hurt 
As I look at the body in the coffin 
And it wasn’t for a lack of lovin’
That it’s in there 
All the people who care
Are seated in a square
Around the walls
A four cornered room and we walk down the halls
Lined up in black 
And the slack 
That is cut like a new shirt 
Won’t still the breath that we skirt
“She looks the same”
Or “He looks peaceful” and his name
Is met by an inflection of the head
The horror of when someone is dead 
And there’s nothing you can do to get them back
I remember when they carried him out and lack
The ability to hold the memory in equanimity
Coz it’s the last time I’ll ever see
Him in that way
What do they say?
This too shall pass
But I don’t want it to if the love don’t last
Though the memory is like a baseball bat
And people wonder what am I at
Haunting the halls
I say it wouldn’t be this way if the walls
Would just fall down
But I drown 
In the ocean I open up
In the name of love 
And tears they pour like a saltwater sea
Down my cheeks and cut a valley through me
Like a glacier that moved the ground
To make Kilglass lake and the sound 
Of the drumlin belt echoing calls
Across the marsh and the footballs
That just hang in the sky
Why did my grandfather have to die? 

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Letting Love, Letting Go

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Death stalks even the most fertile of land
I would go as far as to say you can only understand
Life if you’ve had a little loss
Not just make up and candy floss
To keep yourself looking young 
And your song is sung 
When you’re eight one 
And looking in the mirror
That girl you once were, do you hear her
“She was a good age”, that’s what they say
But I still blame God for taking you away
Just a little too soon
And I’m in the room
And I’m crying, screaming
And if I am only dreaming 
Then why does it hurt so much
Why does it feel that all the love
I’ve ever had has departed 
No second chances, only heavy hearted
Ways and means
And moonbeams
Sing to me of you
Something about white light and what it can do
To free a soul 
I know you were old 
And I was twenty nine 
And I should be fine
But I’m not
So I take the last shot
That has ever been fired
And I only fall asleep when I’m tired 
From all the crying and wailing against 
What God whispers to me is heaven sent
And she never had to experience covid or crisis 
Had angels around her when she shut her eyelids
And it’s selfish but the pain 
Is the only thing that remain 
In me for you 
Because all the blue
Of the sky has absorbed you in 
And maybe now you are with him 
Somewhere in the serene 
And seventeen 
Is come again 
When you lose someone, a really good friend
But you find yourself among the debris
And if anyone is looking for me
You should let them know 
That I always follow where you go 
And into the mystic, into the free
I’m still here but something has left me
Like a bomb shattered house that loses its frame 
Like a sage who goes by a different name 
Like the winter that bursts into spring
Like waking up to everything 

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The Ancient War

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There’s a dead in her eyes
That nothing can disguise 
But it always lit up when she looked at me
Didn’t think that I would ever be
The reason why the curtains close
As she follows me down the road
To nowhereland
And it’s all sand 
That just gathers at my feet
An hourglass when we meet
Somewhere in between
And if it’s all a dream 
Then why are we crying 
Over the people that are dying 
Left right and centre
And so I enter 
The hallowed halls
Of the people who can walk through walls 
And the longing calls
Me to let go of the line
That had me doing hard time
In a crater not of my making 
And all the people that I’m forsaking 
When I take that pill 
And it will kill
If I keep on keeping on 
So I have to get gone 
And on the road
Her carriage slowed
Just to take a look at me
And she never sees the free 
I’ve come to be 
Only ever the apparent chains 
The sunlight reflects upon when it rains
And who gains
When everything is lost
Don’t we all just pay the cost
For the brutal tide
That means we are alive
Because we can feel 
Everything that’s real 
And vital and true 
And just because the colour blue 
Is sad and lonely
Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me 
Anytime you want 
I change the font
To match my mood
Meanwhile you just sit and brood
Over a perceived slight 
But you are alright
Aren’t you, aren’t you
I daren’t ask lest it be true 
That the fields are green far past the slide
Of what it means to be alive
And they click go on the PowerPoint 
And I never want to leave the oint-
Ment powder red 
What goes on inside a person’s head
Is the least of what they are 
I look up and see that star 
Shining over my crucifixion 
My errant ways and my eviction 
From the stable then 
I just don’t want to go through that again 
Not for even the best of men 
So I take what they offer 
And the coffer
Is full 
But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool 
They use to mask 
Everything they cannot ask 
Me now the ship has sailed 
The chain linked fence and I impaled 
Over the least of crimes
My only solace in these rhymes
That never lead to the sea
What is it that you are asking of me 
Once more, arís
Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast
But she wasn’t invited 
And so the war ignited 
The gunpowder flame 
That only ever lands upon a name  

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Ancient Troubles

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There’s a man that sings about a drugs binge he’s been on 
Like how he’s been helluva gone 
And I can’t help but empathise 
Because there’s a kind of high that never dies
Even when you kill it with starvation
Or waiting for a boy at a train station 
That only comes once in a blue moon
He rocks the atmosphere when he’s in the room 
And I just let it be
Because I am free
Of all he tries to contain 
If he was a cloud he would rain 
All over my parade
If I am the sun then he is the shade
Of the tree my grandfather made for me
He placed a swing on a branch and us three 
Share something that will never pass
I don’t care if you think it won’t last
My heart is as solid as serene 
As anything is beyond the dream 
And everyone is someone’s child 
And every woman somewhere is wild 
In her heart and soul 
Even if she pays the toll
As she passes through the joint 
As if she’ll gain an extra point 
For due diligence and deference
I gave Deirdre a second chance
But I may as well have talked to the wind
Coz she is fixated on how she has sinned
And aims to take me with her 
And I get a little bitter
In the years that pass
Under the realm of the crass
And the key to my soul won’t speak to me 
I wonder if I’m just letting her be free
Or if I’m resigned to the fate
Of looking for some guy to date
So that I might be whole
Coz I left her with my soul 
And she is the keeper of that part
In the greater region of my heart
As it beats red and true
Pumping oxygen for all of you 

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What Was I Thinking?

.Reading time 1 minute.
I let them take me to hell
All the time they wished me well 
And put me through the crucify 
And if I didn’t want to die 
In the beginning, I did by the end 
The kind of torture when you don’t have a friend
Who will save you from the wolves
So I let it go as the pain pulls 
Me into it’s own frame of mind
It was easier than being left behind 
By the man I love
They say his glove
Don’t fit my hand 
But it’s just that they don’t understand 
The mechanics of the thing 
And an angel with a broken wing
Will always look to sky
To find a reason why 
The emotion is not to be found 
In any degree of sight or sound
And she pushes the door back open 
When I was just hoping 
To be on my own 
Now the birds have flown 
On that particular piece of ground 
And all the injustices abound 
In the leaves that fall 
I look at her as I walk down the hall 
To the death squadron firing guns 
They say Mother Earth loves all her sons
But some wield a battle axe 
Some take it to the max
And some just fall short of that 
I’d say it’s okay but it’d be old hat 

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The Armour Reflects The Light

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Against my better judgement I take these pills
I’m losing my mind like I’m losing skills
And I’m scared that they will wear my brain away
Like I am a knot and it’s started to fray
But it’s gotta be better than wandering the night
They say that I’m insane and I give up, alright
Allow them to ring in a decree
And proclaim what they think they know of me
And everyone agrees, they’ve got it all on check
And what I was seeing was strange and I wreck
The picture every time I seem to see
People trying to frame you and me
And Alan was cool like they had on the system
I walked away, you could say that I missed him
And everyone in their cracked portrait there
We’re just examples of how people care
And they say that if you go and show
You’re enlightened well then you know
You’ll be locked up by the brigade at sea
And I think that may have been what happened to me
And I fight and war with what they pronounce
Only another one to denounce
Like sleeves of silk and cotton up your arm
The meditation room the only charm
As there was music and CD’s
To ameliorate my supposed disease
And I made friends and I struck a light
In the room for squares I was held that night
And the awning gap just spells the chasm
What more can I say but that she has him
For now, for forever, but not with me
I gulp another one down with dignity

Love And Rage

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I’ve somehow always known this feeling
And it left me reeling 
When you told me that I was crazy
And it didn’t faze me 
But I decided to get a second opinion 
So I fled to the city
Let them assess every little bit of me 
And admit me to Stella Ward
It was as though someone crucified the bird 
That had been singing within me 
And they try to begin me 
With a meal of chicken and gruel 
And I walked into a room, the floor smelt like school
I dunno if it was the plastic floor 
Or the way they paint the exit door 
But it just reminded me of being three
And terrified of what they had in store for me 
And as the years advanced
I learned that I don’t have to dance
If I don’t want to 
But I was always compelled by you 
To act as the role provides
It’s as though I’m not even alive
But just a cartoon cutout or a silhouette
And somehow I have managed not to forget
Just who I am 
All these years under the plan 
That aims to rob us of humanity
And it did its best to take it from me
With pills and booze
With the winning and the knowing how to lose
Somehow in the middle of the sea
I realised it wasn’t for me 
And that there is another way to live
That I could forgive
All that had been done 
In my name by everyone 
And I just watch on a screen 
How the children scream 
And cry over a parent murdered from the sky
Unprepared and forced to die
To depart the form 
Now babies clutch bodies no longer warm 
And the saltwater flows from their eyes
While we just say, my, how time flies
As we get old and grey 
And pray
That we’ll have a safe departure
In Gaza they mourn the martyr 
Under a mountain of rubble 
We have known the same trouble 
On our island 
It’s on file and 
Making someone rich somewhere 
As they wonder do we care 
About the force of might 
And like every candlelight 
The dark departs 
When it sees what is burning in your heart 
I see a kind of constant flame 
Just whisper it when they call your name 
And as you step to the stage
Let love be your kind of rage 

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Manifesting Andy

.Reading time 1 minute.
Manifesting Andy, I try to look the other way
And pretend I cannot say 
What is the fire inside of me 
Is there another way for me to be 
And it caused me physical pain
When I first heard your name 
It was when I was carted off to the mental 
So much more than words in central 
Dublin and they said I needed to be there
As ambivalent as a girl without a care
When she was interrupted 
And have we fucked it 
Up
In the name of love
And it all comes around to the scene 
The way that it could wake my dreams 
The loins that long
The moment you belong 
When you’re with someone 
And you can see your son
And daughter running around 
And they’re not even born and you hear the sound
Of their peeling bells of laughter 
Just like their father 
As you sit by his side
How do I hide
I have the whole future planned out
And I’m afraid my doubt 
Will kill what we are
We may have all been forged within a star 
But we are black hole bound 
I know oblivion when I hear the sound 
Of your mystery ring 
Would you give me one if I gave you everything
And you just sigh and look away
So I leave it for another day

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Back To My Old Place

.Reading time 1 minute.
It wouldn’t be Dublin if I wasn’t late 
And somewhere under the covers is a man I’d like to date 
And I think of him as I sit in this sojourn 
Do I always have to mourn
It’s been ten years since we talked
A decade since I walked 
My boots down the road
And everything slowed
Down, how do I get away
I cover my ears so I don’t hear what you say
Because you tell me that it’s over, over the hill 
And I know that you would kill
Just to feel alive
But somewhere in the dive
You found the water you wanted
You tell me and I can’t say that I amn’t daunted
By the weight of your magnitudinous pain 
And I just stand out in the rain 
So I can feel it on my skin 
But I never felt him 
Move with the beat
Touched his face when we’re feet to feet
And somewhere in a daydream, diamond true 
I think that I found you 
For a reason 
And for a season 
That lasted three hours long
I was the ocean in which you drown

Ripped From His Mother’s Arms

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I watch the Palestinian children die
And why do I get to cry
When their eyes are dry 
And a parent weeps over the corpse 
While soldiers laugh with no remorse 
And the commanders drop another bomb
Where has our humanity gone 
Do we not see ourselves in the other 
See our sister and brother 
In every battered storm front of war 
And I just look at her
And see the death that I know
The pain life has visited upon me slow
That must be experienced by the masses
Or as they’re designated - the lower classes
While I sit and sup my tea
Knowing full well that it could be me 
If I lived a hundred and eighty years ago 
When the British starved us slow 
To death 
And there is a memory that does not forget
It’s held like generational pain 
And I resonate with the acid rain 
That falls from white phosphorus plumes
Into lungs and living rooms
And burns into skin and sears 
People with images of those they hold dear 
Suffering and crucified
In every single one who’s died
Is the hidden heat 
Of the love that makes my heart beat 
And no claims of anti-semetic
Can make me subscribe to the rhetoric 
That justify the claims of war
When the dust settles what will all this be for 
And will we survive another spin of the wheel 
That makes us deny what we feel 
So we are capable of 
The worst of what I’ve listed above 

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Losing The Love Of My Life

.Reading time 2 minutes.
What is the call of New York
And why is there a fork 
In the road and on the table 
And I am not able 
To leave it all behind 
Even if I must go out of my mind
Or be labelled as such 
Because I love you so much 
And I couldn’t be there when you died
Because the man asked me how I am and I cried
So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again 
And it may be the will of men
To contain what they don’t understand 
But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, 
I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí”
And even though my broken knee
Falls to the floor
I know there’s more
Than just screaming into the air
“She’s not there, she’s not there”
And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall
And they console me but I fall 
Into their lap and rebel against the constraint
Of being okay with the colour she paint
Because everyone has their own way
But I must do what she say
If I’m not to be medicated
And I may be educated 
But it has been the work of my life
To make sure I don’t become a wife
And go down with the ship 
Or the forests that they equip 
With cutting trees
And the birds and the bees 
Buzz around my head
But I would give it all up just to lay in bed
And mourn 
And look forlorn 
Because all that shattered glass
Never got me an A in class
It only ever drew blood
Now I’m standing in the wood
Trying to catch the soul that escape 
And the red cape 
Couldn’t stop the passage of time 
And my only crime 
Was trying to pause the air
Now I look at your chair and you’re not there

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The Tears That Flow

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The tears that flow
It’s been nearly twenty years since you let go
And people tell me to move on
But how do I ignore the space where you’re gone
A beacon of love and trust
And I know they just aren’t fussed
Coz to lose a grandmother is par for the course
Something common, like weddings and divorce
But no one told me what it would be like to have you ripped
From the fortress I had equipped 
With everything I had
So nothing bad 
Could happen 
And you were just napping
In the kitchen when Rocky lay down by the settee 
And I had had fourteen years when you showered love on me 
And I know I am closer to the grave
Than the point that could save 
You from the monsters that eat your soul 
But somehow I know that Jesus made you whole 
And the cancer spreads
I’m crying in bed
But there’s nothing I can do 
I can’t heal you
At least not yet 
But there’s something I will never forget
Like when you told me good things come to those who wait
And I trudge through the hate
Coz I know your advice is true
And there was wisdom that had its home in you
And you made rhubarb tart for us all
I take a place by the wall
But you wink at me 
And save the biggest piece and for free
You offer me the whole damn world
I’ll always be your girl 

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The Secret Store

.Reading time 1 minute.
The secret store 
Are all the stories I kept before
I found a blank page
To hold all my rage
And people are multifaceted 
I don’t think she acted it 
When she told me to go fcuk myself 
That day in her presence
And the mark still leaves a crescent 
Shaped bite on my arm 
I never thought she would harm 
Me in that way
But that’s the price you pay
For loving the games you play
And leaving it all on the field 
The way the fortress might yield 
If I could bridge the gap 
But I never could read the map
That led to the heart of her
And I could write mountains about what we were
But am I just looking to the past 
For a mast
I can use to set sail 
And does my courage fail 
When she stares at me down the barrel of the gun 
Like she’s got a single shot and I am the one
The bullet is for 
And a closed door
Hurts more than the blood in my veins 
Pouring out of me like the rains 
Upon the ground I know 
He didn’t get it so I said it slow
But nothing caught on 
And he tells me he is gone 
But I see his shadow at the door
When he thinks the light won’t catch him anymore 

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Like A Drowning Man Needs Air

.Reading time 3 minutes.

***Trigger Warning – Mental Health***



The boat rocked when the wave shook me to my core
And I kindly showed her to the door 
When she took out the dagger and it caught the light
And I could see in the night
That she never wished me well
And it rained holy hell
On my town 
I contemplated what it would be like to drown 
In a nearby lake 
Would she come to my wake 
Like the whole community does when someone dies
Then someone’s loved one cries
And I couldn’t do that to them 
But I wouldn’t like to be back there again 
Because it was as pitch as the blackest dark 
And it left a mark 
The scar is what I cherish now 
Because the truth got to me somehow
And I don’t understand the Lord but he saved my life
And he doesn’t want me to just be a wife
And surrender and go down 
Like everyone does everywhere around
It’s like you hit thirty
And everything you thought was dirty
Suddenly looks so damn appealing 
And there were comics that I was stealing 
The day I followed a trail 
And I swore my soul was not for sale 
But I danced on the edge of a cliff
Balancing on a what if 
And it mattered to me less than naught
But what if I get caught
So I commit myself to an institution 
Maybe they can straighten out my convolution
And I’ve always had a strong constitution 
But it doesn’t hold up under this pressure
There’s nothing like a doctor to stress ya
Especially when they’ve got all the power
But I am not one to cower
So I just run to the sea
But they’re still watching me 
As I find a corner of the room 
That doesn’t sink with the sound of doom 
That echoed around that place
And I couldn’t show my face
To anyone at all 
I just remember the length of the hall
When you’re walking it alone
And they’ve taken my phone 
So I follow Sinéad and pace the route 
But they jot down that I follow suit 
And it’s all just a case study to them
And they assure me it will happen again 
If I forsake the pills
And the bending of my wills
But I’m about done with this
I’m still thinking about Jack’s kiss

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The Mute And The Foal

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It’s impossible to stay angry at you
When you flick that gaze at me 
And I swore that it would be us
For eternity
But the dials switched and changed
The atoms rearranged 
And it seemed like our history
Would stay in the past
Like me getting all those A’s in class
And they called me names
Like all I am is brains
And Deirdre, she cut me down 
Made me wanna run clear outta that town 
And she would pick away at me 
Til I had enough and infinity 
Isn’t far enough to be away from her
Even though I mourn what we were
And I know her depths go unknown
And some of them were shown 
To me too
And there were parts that were true
But the lies they perforate 
And before I know it it’s that date
Again
And men
Seem like my only salvation 
As I make x and y balance the equation 
And I thought I had struck gold
In the ground or at the end of the rainbow
You turned out to be the same as her though 
It was all shits and giggles 
But the next thing the girl wriggles
And you’re gone 
And I say so long
To all that I thought you were
Enjoy the business you have with her
I’m sure it’s mighty fine
But just don’t try to waste my time
Saying you’re my friend
When I only ever saw the end
Of what you were trying to sell
And I wish you both well
But I’m not gonna gallop that pony
And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney

Death And Poetry

.Reading time 1 minute.
Death comes to take everything I love
And I lose the glove 
I wore when I was younger and blue
And it was all I could do to hold onto you
But I had to let you go your own way
Because there’s nothing that I can say
To stem the tide 
Of that which cannot abide
In the tome of fate
I never gave in to hate
But I couldn’t hold the love you carry
And the boy I want to marry
I ran him off
Because I couldn’t pay the cost
That it would require
And now the whole world is on fire
With the hate that burns
As the aching turns 
It on its axis and spin
And once I was with him 
But things change and so did he 
So I let go and now I’m free

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Akk & S

.Reading time 1 minute.
I just wanna die with you
It would be perfect poetry
Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry
As forces try to pull us apart
But they can’t kill what is all heart
And tomorrow is a day no one can promise
But you looked in my eyes and you were honest
As you spilled truth like rain
And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again
As it brushes my skin
I was never at home til I met him
And suddenly the sky
Turns and I must watch my lover die 
On the battlefield 
But the victory goes to the one who yield
But for all the weight of my storm
I could only ever keep you warm 
For a certain length of time 
And now all I’ve left of you
Is something made of us two
Growing under my skin 
I could never replace him 
With someone new
I just wanted you 
To know the truth 
The prisoner and her youth

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The Birth Of Fear And Suspicion

.Reading time 1 minute.
The darkness of the night is very near
And it was an education in fear
When they taught me about the man in black
And that I must be wary of an attack
I still remember the moment it made an impact
Cut to the future and I jacked
When I saw that same abyss again 
And instead of a god, it was men
And I ran and ran 
Because only the truth can
Catch up to me
And the scenery is no match for me
As I turn a blind eye
On what it is to die 
In the midnight of the day
And they tell me it’s okay
I ask the doctor if the devil is real
Because hell is sure what I feel 
When I’m looking in the mirror
And I barely hear her
When she say that she don’t know
She says she’ll help me though
And she’s from India so 
I trust in where this is gonna go 

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The Pacific Emotion

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The wrench I try not to feel
Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal
With the wave that races to the shore
And it crushes everything I adore
And all are sandcastles, all are water 
I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter 
Who may never see you again 
And you were the best of men 
Though something whispers to me that you are here
Closer than close and ever near
And I look for it in their eyes
But all I ever see is the disguise 
That hides you from me
They equate eternity
With what they can know 
With their mind, so 
I pull away
Because I know you cannot stay
Not here, not with me
You are free
And I unlock the chains 
That keep you incumbent to the rain 
And all the aching that I feel 
Is the only thing that is real
As I run to St. Pat’s 
And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats
Til I can’t feel the grief
They must replace the belief 
With a shallow kind of pain
The kind that has people squint with strain 
And say, sure isn’t that the way
But I return to the bay
As it opens out onto the Pacific 
And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific
And lays all my shreds bare
Til there’s nothing left to tear
And my dress may be ruined 
But I think God knows what He’s doing 
When he says to me 
I will take away the temporary 
So you can know the permanent 
How could hell be heaven sent? 

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I Don’t Know Where To Start

.Reading time 1 minute.
She’s buried under the weight of timber
And she calls me a sinner
For what she cannot see
That it has devastated me 
And he looks at me that way
And there’s so much I want to say
But I can’t and now it’s never
That’s the hard part of forever
It doesn’t let go
And so 
I let the waves rise up 
To overflow the cup 
Of water I’ve been drinking 
They say that it’s overthinking 
But somehow it feels more real 
And it’s just that she cannot deal
With her own grief she fires at dart at me
And I don’t have the heart to let it be
I storm up a flame and turn away
Go deaf to everything she say
Coz it’s all a repetition 
Of something she learned in some edition 
Of something she read 
And I never said 
What I meant 
But when I sent 
That letter true
I thought it would deliver to you
But it must have missed the mark 
Now I’m just swinging swords in the dark 
And hoping to connect 
With a dream I seem to have wrecked
With my steady brutality
Oh, the weight of what’s been placed on me
Is a blessing true
And all of this because I lost you

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Melting Brokenness

.Reading time 1 minute.
My heart is touched
By the ones I love so much
And I can’t bear the loss
Bearing the heavy weight of cost
Of all this time 
And everything that’s mine 
Will one day belong to the sky
We do not know the hour we die
Or the day or the year
All I know is that a tear
Slides down my face
When something goes to waste
Because it was not said
And it pounds in my head
As I’m lying in bed
Hoping to stay warm
And all form 
Is permeable to 
The water that just wears through 
Our steady soul 
And the waves roll
Over the Burren floor
It was once at the bottom of the ocean and what’s more
It’s solidity 
Is only apparent when it’s taken from me 
To go sliding away 
I close my eyes to the day 
And embrace the night
Have people ask; “are you alright?”
And yes I am, but no I’m not 
Like asking a candle is it hot
As it slowly melts 
This is made to be felt 
As it sits in my chest
And holds the people I love the best 
In the Kilglass sun
What if everything is the One

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The Sadness That Embraces

.Reading time 1 minute.
The inner child weeps
And she never sleeps
For all the people she loves
Will one day be above
Or at least that’s what they say
I don’t know if it is that way
But I’ve always felt the wrench
Felt the knot in my gut clench
As it tries to clasp
What it knows can never last
Not in a hundred million suns
Not in finding the sacred one
Because the heat must die
To find the reason that you try
To reach the sky
And I
Just find tears
Amidst all the years
And cling to the frame
The door that bears my name
But it can’t weather the storm 
Of the heart that beats me warm 
In the summer free
I feel death stalking me 
And in the winter fine
I feel that it is time
To let the leaves go
Let the winds blow
Let the waters flow
And find that there is no separation, you know

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The Words And What They Do Not Mean

.Reading time 1 minute.
She can’t stop running interference
And though I held her dear once
I can’t keep up this spin
Why don’t you keep that aspect of yourself for him
Like you’ve been trained to do 
But I never will be you
In all this mountainous thunder
And taking a number
To be what you are
Has every star
Been categorised
And every sunset a way the day dies
I don’t know about your aching pain
As it tries to force me to stand in the rain 
Because you got wet
From a time you cannot forget
All the lights shine
But forever will never be mine
As long as I pick up after you 
I feel cold at the sound of your laughter too
Because it rings of disdain 
And your aching stain 
On the carpet or sheet 
There must have been a reason we meet
By universal design 
But know that I cannot call mine
What only pulverises 
And she surmises 
That I’m cutting, direct 
The words she hurls haven’t changed me yet
But I just feel this sigh
Coming on like a longing goodbye
As I wonder why
She never understood jack
And now she cannot take it back 

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The Veins Of Truth

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The veins of truth pour the blood through me
It’s back to my heart and it sets me free
And my skin may be purple, blue
But it’s not because of you 
I just wanted you to know
That it was long before we met I wanted to let go
And it was in response to 
A girl, I change the font to blue
To represent those days 
Because she cut in me in so many ways
By lines, by degrees 
Then with a sword when I was on my knees
And my grandmother had just passed
And I’m sitting in class
When she has just let me know 
That she can’t “relate” to the snow
That’s falling from my sky
And suddenly I want to die 
And the breaths I draw in are sucked not in the flow
And nobody seems to know 
It’s like steel in my blood to enter the school
And I used to keep every single rule
But it never did a thing to keep me from the deep end of the pool
And I’m just standing saying a prayer
Because we’re Catholic and the teacher is there
Til, suddenly, dizzy, I lose consciousness
And the person I used to address
As myself
Has been lost in the wealth 
Of light pouring from the sky
And though no one says hi
To me anymore
I don’t care coz the open door
Has just let me in 
And I didn’t need to win
The war she fought with tooth and nail 
The success was in the fail 
And I just let her go
To torment someone else slow 
I wonder will she change 
But I will always be the kind of strange
That sees the city in each pair of eyes
And I hope she never cries
But her docking port will not be here
She can call on the God that is ever near 
And see if he can rescue 
Her soul from what threatens you
I know I’m by the shore 
Waiting for the man I adore 
To finally swim to land
He does and I take his hand
Like it is precious ore
I am not who I was before 
But I can be all that I am 
If that’s okay with you, man

Run To The States

.Reading time 1 minute.
Run to the states
And they’re asking who it is she dates
And I’m so focused on 
People being gone 
That I can’t see them when they are here
And, Lord knows, I hold them dear
But I just cannot contort into shapes
The air in my lungs escapes
As I try to be the solid stance
Then a beautiful boy asks me to dance
And I say no because he wants a kiss
And I know I would miss
If I ever thought to try
I just wonder what will happen when we all die
And western society is obsessed with youth
It always seemed a little uncouth
At a three day wake
You’d swear the dead would make the ground quake 
And join in the festivity
All joking aside they are still with me
I feel my grandmother’s breath against my cheek 
And when I feel weak 
I know her prayers save my life
I don’t think she knew the strife
I walked through when she was alive
But I let the veil fall and our love survive
The transition out of form 
And she may not have been warm 
When she lay so still 
But her spirit never will 
Grow cold as the grave
She is the power that save
Me from my own mistakes 
I let her help and the fever breaks 

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The Age Of Existence

.Reading time 1 minute.
I can feel a wave and I’m getting ready to surf it
The bog is flat before you turf it
And build it into little towers
Stacking sods with all our powers
Until our backs ache
And we take a break
To soak in cool 7up
By the pores, it’s enough 
And those were the days of sunburn
And racing my sisters to take a turn
At who could be the best
Then copping out coz we need a rest
And is this the end to the quest
Stand up on Sundays at the behest
Of the Lord that commands
In the acres of desert sands
To find just what we are
Led by the light of the star
That shine over the stable 
Get up and sing, if you’re able
Or the sadness will just consume
One day you’re the only one in the room
And holding the light in tilting frame
Barely able to say your name
With lips that quiver with the weight
And hearts that have surrendered the hate
And age takes it all, even the body
Time wearing out like the car getting shoddy
And someday you must face the succumb
Only tell tales of when you were young
But in reality you can’t relive
Only hold your hands out to forgive
All that you couldn’t get by with
I rely on my soul, the departure of wit
Knows me all too well
I’ll choose Heaven over some kind of hell

Someday In The Stars

.Reading time 1 minute.
Jack and me someday in the stars
Belting out music as we’re chasing cars
And I followed him down an avenue
I just wonder what he’s going ta do
As he flashes that smile at me
And I know it will be a while til I see
What he’s got going on under the hood
He seems kinda bad but I know he is good
As he offers his hands to me at will
Then moved my own with dexterous skill
Until the both are intertwined
And I hardly know what’s his or what’s mine
And the autumn fades the colours of leaves
And he’s all mysterious or would you believe 
As he waits at the step of the door that I love
I think I’ve been gifted from God above
With the beauty of this connection
Are we a constellation in the northern direction 
To take note of what we leave behind
And I wonder if I am out of mind
To go on hearing your voice in my soul
What are the waves to do but roll

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Young And Foolish

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It’s as though as I’ve been infantilised 
So that I can become human in their eyes
And it’s not like me at all
It doesn’t fit the brick wall
That was erected 
In the space her love deflected
Like it was a poison drink 
And I feel myself begin to sink 
In the grand abyss
And my old self is something that I miss
When young and seventeen 
I could manage the dream 
Just fine
Til calamity became mine
As his darkness spread a sea
Over the blanket that had become of me
Like clouds keeping the earth warm 
Eventually the break into a storm 
That fosters the people in their solemn grin 
And they say that sex is sin 
But they all do it anyway 
So I push that characterisation away
Because if we go by generations past
The pain will everlast 
Into the future
And no suture 
Can heal the gauzy wound 
I watched the winds of doom 
Close in around that sea 
And they call it sacred warfare and indignity 
Seems to be the order of the day 
But I do not look away 
From the images that perforate 
The screen that masks the dark of hate 
That propels people into motion 
And suddenly I am floating 
Above it all 
And the call 
Pummels my door
So I answer it, and what’s more
I let it take me somewhere new
I’m giving it up for them and I’m giving it up for you

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Beautiful Disaster

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I found beauty in the trauma
And the flora and fauna 
Were hidden from me 
In the dark forest of history
And she enclosed me with a snare
It was almost as if I wasn’t there 
When she sent the splinter into my side
Did she really not want me to be alive
Because she did her best to trump the card
Did she realise she made things so very hard
And I was just a teen 
But I wanted to exit the dream 
By any ways and means 
And I’m sewing a dress but the seams
Keep busting and they won’t fit 
And there are no boys I want to hit
On anymore
The dark expanse was the door 
Into a greater purveyance
And the conveyance
Was suffering and pain 
Til I opened my arms to the rain 
And instead of getting wet
A sun broke that I cannot forget 
In my darkest night
I became the light 
Of the only and ever one
If you feel you are coming undone 
Then you are on the right track
And somehow I cannot go back 
To what I was
I know this because
I have tried
And I hide
My new found skin
With everyone except with him 
He just touched me paper thin 
And I realised destiny was a sin 
I long to make with his touch 
And I love him so very much 
Though he may never know
I thought he should so I let the bird go
And fly across the sea
To where he lay in grey mystery 
Just pondering a solace
But it was a volatile
Explosion in the moment of us
And though it hurt I still trust 
In the infinity that we are 
If you burn then let that star
Combust in its own atmosphere 
That’s how you know that God is near

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The Feast That Keeps Alive

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There is a feast that keeps alive
And there were times I didn’t want to survive 
The aching pull of forever
As it dragged me to another endeavour
Far across the sea
And New York just wasn’t me 
When I found myself on its streets 
But there is no one that it meets
On a level playing field 
So I follow the wind and I yield 
On Flatbush avenue 
I’d never felt so black and blue
Walking towards the Brooklyn Bridge
Like it was Hacksaw Ridge 
And the forest had enclosed 
Me and the path I chose
It was dark and serene 
And something screamed to wake the dream 
Into the boundlessness of true life
I will never be a wife
Over the love of you 
But I will be your One if you want me to
He just sighs and looks away
And there is nothing left to say
On the phone to keep him there
And I hear him swear 
Silently under his breath
His monotone sings of resentment and regret 
And it blisters my skin like a poison chalice 
It’s almost like I can sense the malice 
That brews underneath
And someone calls me the Messiah on the street 
And I wonder if I emanate that charm 
Or if I should ring the alarm 
That keeps me safe from harm
They call it medication 
I call it the train station 
That docks opposite ports
And there is a divorce 
Somewhere in our history 
But it doesn’t envelop the mystery
That you always are
I look up and you’re my North Star

Exasperation

.Reading time 3 minutes.

I was fourteen and lost in the dream 
Til she rendered it everything it had never been
And a lightning crack struck the stone 
To tell me I was never alone
Not in my darkest day
You know the one I wanted to make go away
In the summer as I watched her die
Slowly and I couldn’t cry
Coz a tear might mean I would miss a moment 
With her and wouldn’t own it 
There was that morning I came and had breakfast with you 
Cornflakes with warm milk and you
Put the heater on under my feet 
So that I might meet a warmer day
Why did you have to go away
I ask myself that all the time 
And almost twenty years line
The road that took you from me 
Do you remember that day we 
Almost had a game of cards 
But someone came in and something hard
I had to accept
Was that I would have to regret 
The time we almost played rummy on the settee 
I know you were doing it for me 
And you ask for ice cream and jelly
Just days before you die and my belly
Still aches for your rhubarb tart 
The one you make like a work of art 
As you coat each piece in sugar and give some to me
Say good things come to those who wait and my heart is set free
From some imaginary chains 
It’s been nothing but torrential rains 
Since 2004
I keep thinking you’ll walk in the door 
Like that time up in UCD 
For a moment I could swear that we
Are both in the same room 
Or the student union shop if I’m singing in tune
But it passes almost as soon as it comes 
And I grasp again at when I was young 
And I was sitting on your knee 
I know you’ve been set free
It’s just I know you’d never leave me 
So this Heaven you speak of has gotta be
Nearer than close, than intimacy 
Could it be that you are One with me
Like the Buddhists describe
That you are really still alive 
Just in another dimension 
And the veil fell without mention 
Of the aforementioned fact 
The ones you’ve lost you can get back 
If you just trust the bough to break 
God puts you there for your own sake

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