Tag: lessons

Betting On Myself

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There were years when Paddy Power 
Looked like a tower 
That reigned over me 
Because I would just have to agree 
With what he would say
And pretend that it’s okay 
To just take the meds
And occupy one of his beds 
In a locked ward 
Paid for, my room and board 
And I told him I was fine 
But he must have thought I was lying 
Or just crazy, delusional 
And I just want to prove it all 
To the mouth that ate my dinner 
And told me that every sinner 
Is a measure of what they cannot contain 
And he drew beaches full of rain 
Filled with all manner of ghouls 
And some of the rooms smelled like old primary schools 
You know the ones with the plastic floors
And the heavy doors 
And the scent of freedom lost 
Because you must pay the cost 
Of the society you entertain 
And I railed against them in vain 
Because they have the upper hand 
And while I lie on the sand 
I must concede the grains 
Are as innumerable as the tear stains
Of the tired and weary
And every declaration is something that sears me 
Like a demon to touch my skin 
But the biggest tormentor was him 
In his grey suit 
And words that pollute 
The sky I have come to know 
With clouds so heavy they must be full of snow 
But I just let it go 
And become something they don’t know 
In their clipboard and pen constellation 
I don’t know what they mean by incarceration
Because my soul is free 
And even though they trap me 
There is that beyond the garden 
If I’m the president can I pardon 
All the souls who can’t lift their eyes
And for everyone who dies 
I will be a beacon of light 
So that you know the sight
Of the sun in the glen 
The prayer does not end in amen
But continues to bequeath 
It’s messages to those on the street 
That they are not worthless and empty 
And I was four and twenty 
In the young adult programme 
The people say I hi but I do not know them 
I am focussed on a different terrain 
A landscape beyond the name 
They give to what afflicts me 
But freedom is my pen and it sticks me 
To the ground I know 
Beneath these words is an eternal letting go

Mistaken Identity

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Bulletproof like nothing breaks through your armour
I know you didn’t mean to harm her
But you look away like no eyes ever meet yours
And dismiss the tape that replays her words
As she left back the shreds of her dignity
And you tore open her vulnerability
Cause I guess she was just an easy target
So defenceless you didn’t even have to arm it
Now all that’s left is a desert wasteland
And backalley laughs at what’s underhand
Cause the summit of her spirit is what you can never reach
So you have to degrade the things that she speaks
And she won’t play the victim, just let you go
It may only be in hindsight that you know
Just what her trust placed at your feet
But you treated her like an oasis in the heat
A stillness you used as refuge
A desperation you didn’t think you could lose
Though once the wind calls for what it sent
You took what you wanted and retract what you meant
As explainations fail and blank faces ensue
You let her know what someone else will do
To leave the black hole, the vacuum that crushes
And now fear stalks her days leonine in the rushes
Just a smattering of what she used to call herself
Left over from days that her body knelt 
And maybe it took Posidean to know the ocean
But you won’t do it twice or that’s what hoping
So night dawns the chasm of resident evil
Just ask yourself what you’re believing
That would have you trespass where you don’t belong
But you will never kill her song
As lily white resting on the breeze
Takes her to where you could never lead