Tag: heaven

Indeed, By The Sink

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I dreamed about you last night
You were as fragile as a butterfly
And it was like in real life
I just had to watch you die 
And yet you do not leave me here
You kiss me like you always did, dear 
On my forehead or on my cheek 
And when I used to feel weak 
I would run to your side
I would hide 
And then let you find me 
And you didn’t mind me 
Being a little bit strange
And all the peace rearrange
To atoms that say that you are gone 
But your song
Will have life as long as I am breathing 
You were always something I was needing 
As I would lie into you
And at fifteen I watched you
Washing the dishes at the sink 
And all I could do was think 
Of what would happen the day you died 
If I would break like waves of tears I cried 
And I insulated myself 
Under the veil of mental health
Because I can’t shatter again
And there are legions of men 
Who would take my hand 
And make me “understand”
What true love means
But it’s insubstantial as the stuff of dreams 
And you are wholly really
And even though you’ve left I still feel 
You in my veins and blood
Like when I was lying in the wood
And I felt the soul of the trees
Kiss me when I’m on my knees
And I know that your prayers save me 
Even when I cave, we 
Will always be a two by two 
And it’s not up to someone forgetting you 
It’s something that you always are
You are not on some far distant star
You are in my heart
And in this instant we are not apart 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/3WQrgd9O5

Grief In Waves

.Reading time 1 minute.
I miss you and it’s been twenty years
And it’s been quite a few since I cried tears
But I remember standing with you
In the morning dew
Looking out on the fields
With nothing to do
Or seeing you gaze
At my eyeline
As I video recorded
The light that you shine
Now you’re just a photograph
Paper thin
Is there anything more
Than the memory of him
To stand on stilts 
So tall
They say time washes away
Like a waterfall
But I would never want to forget
And I remember you yet
Me, so small and hardy
You the simple net
That would catch me when I trip
I love you still and that is it
Nothing more, nothing less
And I know I don’t need to stress
About the small things
And spirit has wings
To take it to the sky
It’s just I wish you didn’t have to die
I wish I could still hold your hand
Have you say that all is grand
And that you love me so deep
I love you Granda and that’s a promise I’ll keep

My Secret Escape

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I had feelings for you back in the day
But then I just used you to explain Darragh away
And he’s the secret that I’ve been keeping
The magnificent dragon quietly sleeping
In the recesses of my soul
Is there a together in the growing old
Where we can both warm our hands by the hearth
Find our own way in the dark
As he speaks to me
Weaving a thread on the tapestry
To paint the picture of us
And we’ve always had trust
Why did you hide your face
So I couldn’t keep you in place
Where you were
Let you run off with an adjacent her
In the winter of my life
Moored in strife
As the cavalry came
To take all but my name from me
Then suddenly starshot in the oblivion
I saw a remnant of what I’d been living in
A moment of truth
And I can’t claim the auspices of youth
Anymore
Is that you at my door?
Well, for God’s sake come in!
You’ll catch your death if you’re waiting for him

If I Could Then I Would

.Reading time 3 minutes.
It was just a random Tuesday
I walked back to school
There was nothing happening
All was cool
All was fine
And that was the last time
I was free of the knowledge that
You were gone
I haven’t thought about it in so long
I came in the gate
The sun was shining
I wasn’t late
And I walked round the corner
Met Natalie
She looked with crying eyes at me
Expecting me to know
I panicked as I realized truth
Was hitting me again in youth
Who? Who? 
And she let the name go
I was reeling with the blow
And we passed each other by
I stared at the sky
All I could think was
Where’s my school bag
I have to get my stuff
Why is it so important
What I’m not thinking of
And we gathered in the Oratory
Like a smashed piece of glass
And one of the girls hugged me 
She sat beside me in class
And all I could think of 
Is you love
And I try not to feel
The sensation
I lean on the others 
For consolation
And I caught my maths teachers eye
As my sister fell into my arms to cry
And he looked away
There was nothing to say
Coz how do you deal with it
Death, the punch
One minute you’re fine
Just coming back from lunch
Next minute the Chaplain
Has us all in a bunch
And I didn’t cry
The tears wouldn’t come
And you were just
So young, so young
And I shut off my feelings 
For the next fifteen years
Coz I haven’t lost you
If I don’t cry the tears
And hold it all together
But the sky is rainfall
And loss is the weather
And I try to recall
So I won’t forget
Every memory of you
That’s fresh in my mind yet
And what would you say
To us all
I have the faith 
That you’re not gone at all
But watching over us
And blessing the ground
That we walk
You hear every sound
And catch every weep
I take tablets to help me to sleep
As I fall asunder
Is it any wonder
But something in me just holds you fast
You’re in our hearts so you haven’t really passed
And I’m finally opening the doors to talk
About the confidence in your walk
And the way you just breeze on through
I hope that you know I still miss you
And that I still feel your light on days
I find you in quieter ways
As you whisper your love in the moment I break
I let it go for God’s sake

Up, Over and Under

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Bold and beautiful, striding and brave
Danger and dark may come but are just your slave
Hair in your eyes
Framed eyes soft and wise
And words that just dropped
Watched as your heart stopped
Lost for words with your full flare on me
There was no response as I could see
I was afraid and an ocean swirled
But warm, it enveloped and curled
This half light with you, stay
A shadow world resting in grey
I don’t understand and I’m terrified
Unknown to my eyes, this is why I hide
Apparently this yellow road is our path
Breath on my cheek, God whispers so to my heart
So, I’ll put one foot forward to meet your toes
Feel the wind blow, breathe it as it goes

Titanic

.Reading time 2 minutes.

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An emotion that rises from the bowl of my heart
Blue round the edges, midnight from the start
It grows up like waves and encircles me whole
Submerged by its weight in an ocean of coal
In a river titanic that’s growing in size
Bearing down quick and destroying my lies
More hell than heaven, harbinger of doom
The death of us all coming in soon
Fading in a moment, all the people I love
The strength of this sunk like a dove
Close my eyes, my pupils turn in
To meet dark with dark and see what it brings
I can’t bear anymore to watch people leave
My heart shredded up as it hangs on my sleeve
No words of kindness, no enveloping hugs
Stems a current that burgeons out plugs
Any attempts that I make fall flat on their face
As I hold back air like I’m losing a race
Futility complete as I reflect my own eyes
To feel it all fall the point of my life

I’m not of this place, could not be my home
When I was born to love those that are gone
True to the feeling that beats in my soul
Feel it on my lips as it swallows me whole
Drop into sunshine, drop away from the tears
Know I’ve been alive for millions of years
Those not around are a dew drop away
Feel them touch my skin when I just let it lay
Closer in absence than they ever have been
A taste of a world that I’ve never seen

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The Dark and the Light

.Reading time 1 minute.

The darkness rolls in past the windows and doors
It doesn’t care about walls, it doesn’t care about floors
It just spills itself on out of my heart
And its been this way from the very start
As it pierces reveries that were born at my core
But it somehow always leaves me wanting more
Like the light in my soul that will never go out
As it told me deeply what I’m all about
And I never will know or comprehend
That heaven sent gift that will never end
As promises made to be broken and bruised
Just show up as dreams that were never used
And have me down in gratitude and down in prayer
For a power and God I never knew was there