The secret store Are all the stories I kept before I found a blank page To hold all my rage And people are multifaceted I don’t think she acted it When she told me to go fcuk myself That day in her presence And the mark still leaves a crescent Shaped bite on my arm I never thought she would harm Me in that way But that’s the price you pay For loving the games you play And leaving it all on the field The way the fortress might yield If I could bridge the gap But I never could read the map That led to the heart of her And I could write mountains about what we were But am I just looking to the past For a mast I can use to set sail And does my courage fail When she stares at me down the barrel of the gun Like she’s got a single shot and I am the one The bullet is for And a closed door Hurts more than the blood in my veins Pouring out of me like the rains Upon the ground I know He didn’t get it so I said it slow But nothing caught on And he tells me he is gone But I see his shadow at the door When he thinks the light won’t catch him anymore
The boat rocked when the wave shook me to my core And I kindly showed her to the door When she took out the dagger and it caught the light And I could see in the night That she never wished me well And it rained holy hell On my town I contemplated what it would be like to drown In a nearby lake Would she come to my wake Like the whole community does when someone dies Then someone’s loved one cries And I couldn’t do that to them But I wouldn’t like to be back there again Because it was as pitch as the blackest dark And it left a mark The scar is what I cherish now Because the truth got to me somehow And I don’t understand the Lord but he saved my life And he doesn’t want me to just be a wife And surrender and go down Like everyone does everywhere around It’s like you hit thirty And everything you thought was dirty Suddenly looks so damn appealing And there were comics that I was stealing The day I followed a trail And I swore my soul was not for sale But I danced on the edge of a cliff Balancing on a what if And it mattered to me less than naught But what if I get caught So I commit myself to an institution Maybe they can straighten out my convolution And I’ve always had a strong constitution But it doesn’t hold up under this pressure There’s nothing like a doctor to stress ya Especially when they’ve got all the power But I am not one to cower So I just run to the sea But they’re still watching me As I find a corner of the room That doesn’t sink with the sound of doom That echoed around that place And I couldn’t show my face To anyone at all I just remember the length of the hall When you’re walking it alone And they’ve taken my phone So I follow Sinéad and pace the route But they jot down that I follow suit And it’s all just a case study to them And they assure me it will happen again If I forsake the pills And the bending of my wills But I’m about done with this I’m still thinking about Jack’s kiss
It’s impossible to stay angry at you When you flick that gaze at me And I swore that it would be us For eternity But the dials switched and changed The atoms rearranged And it seemed like our history Would stay in the past Like me getting all those A’s in class And they called me names Like all I am is brains And Deirdre, she cut me down Made me wanna run clear outta that town And she would pick away at me Til I had enough and infinity Isn’t far enough to be away from her Even though I mourn what we were And I know her depths go unknown And some of them were shown To me too And there were parts that were true But the lies they perforate And before I know it it’s that date Again And men Seem like my only salvation As I make x and y balance the equation And I thought I had struck gold In the ground or at the end of the rainbow You turned out to be the same as her though It was all shits and giggles But the next thing the girl wriggles And you’re gone And I say so long To all that I thought you were Enjoy the business you have with her I’m sure it’s mighty fine But just don’t try to waste my time Saying you’re my friend When I only ever saw the end Of what you were trying to sell And I wish you both well But I’m not gonna gallop that pony And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney
How about goodbye And you made me feel like I wanna die So I close the door Pretend I don’t love you anymore But I do It’s always you Amid the curtains pulled And the pain, it dulled As the years passed But I wanted it to last So I would have something to hold onto But your love stuck like glue In my heart And though we are miles apart And time and space None of it is gone to waste Because I would do it a thousand times over Just to find your four leafed clover Growing in the grass And I loved to learn in class But nobody taught me a lesson like you I’m just not sure I wanted to Let you go And I know That everyone dies And the child cries When her grandfather passes And it’s the wisdom of the masses To mourn and then move on But there is a hole where he is gone And nothing can repair it I dare it To swallow me whole But my soul Just grows more vast And life asked Me to be free So I let go and eternity Came to kiss my lips In the middle of an eclipse Where all was night But in the darkness shone a light And nothing can drench it Nothing can quench it No pulling thread Can unmake where I made my bed
Will you ever know how much you mean to me Did you know you were a dream set free Into the open expanse I watch the leaves dance In the wind And have we sinned By leaving the door open You were barely coping When I swung in the gate And your hate Is rocket fuel Do you live the dual Race to the bottom But I haven’t forgotten The way you just move with the breeze And on my hands and knees I pray to the God you were Before I found out you were with her
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
So I guess his girlfriend hates me now Because I let him in and allow Him to take me to dance Give love at first sight a second chance And I won’t refuse him If he knocks on my door Prove to God Who loves him more And I know you’ve made him happy And I don’t envy the task But there is still so much I’ve got to ask You both coz I wanna be friends With the two of you Don’t doubt that I love you too Some kind of sister In the scene You were his twenty something dream And I can only catch a glimpse of him Through the photographs in which I swim That you took And I wrote a book About the way feelings clash Hot and cold fronts, smoke and ash But I don’t want a showdown with fragrant air I’m glad that you were there To catch his tears and resound his laughter And you’re cute but I know what you’re after As you fool a second glance In a sort of romance But you gotta know I gotta say That I’ve loved him In every way Picked up the crumbs he dropped on the path Be the beauty in the aftermath And I don’t want an enemy Or someone taking swipes at me I just want to kneel as I confess I envy you in that dress And all that I missed out in the fire You’re burning earth on the pyre And I’m sure a furnace or two Knows the depths and breadth of you And you look at each other But he is my soul brother And I gotta let him know Let the love show In the diagrams refract Is it okay if I come back And be the mirror to reflect Not something circumspect But deep blue truth That professed secrets of our youth And he used to be an emotional kid And I was straight laced, he took the lid Off of all I can’t contain I’m singing summertime in the rain As we share each other’s speech And he’s tall and got reach And I know in his secret heart He has held onto you I know what he wants to do And I can’t escape From the flash of a red cape As it floats in the mirror And I was so blind I didn’t see her As I made an overview of you I mapped the things that you could do And I give up the fight Coz I wanna be a good person and alright And I feel if you knew all there was to know There is no way you would ever go I keep hidden the best part of me But I’m opening up so you see All that’s left of what we were It’s not a matter of me or her
Is she just a fake ass bitch Or am I the judge and just rolling with it Like a ball down the hill It’s good weather so take your fill Of all the summers that you missed I found the photo where we kissed For the very first time And no crime Could ever amount to the trouble you gave There is nothing left to save As I keep my best for another day And I still like you okay Even though faraway is green You still hold the keys to dream Out into another sphere You’re far away but very near And close in my heart Don’t start To berate me once more So, I’m not something you adore And the store Don’t hold the half Of the feeling of you waking my laugh Up from inside And I hide Away in folds and creases You look at me and the grim releases What had been held so true I’m just wishing for some time with you Some ages or some years Some eons and some tears To cry with a happy note You’re my favorite one to quote When everything is flowing with the breeze Living a life of unconquerable ease In the lush growth I am quiet so I left a note To tell you I am here And that I love you, dear
I keep holding out For the Divine Death The one that time Cannot forget You can all it enlightenment You can call it liberation But I woke up From my own education Only to go on Picking up stones Going from place to place And calling it home And I’ve always been a rambler Out for adventure But I’m struggling With my own self censure Coz there are lines With which you do not agree And I can only point it out I can’t make you see And you’re drinking Bottled water from the tap And I keep wondering What are you at But it’s a mystery to me All these flicking pages And I’ve been wandering For ages and ages Trying to catch your trail As it winds through the undergrowth I’m tired walking The less travelled road Searching for something I cannot find Missing what I’ve left behind
It’s one to remember This night we’re losing our clothes I know that you weren’t The path I chose But I still feel So entwined And I’ve a tendency To call you mine As you break out in laughter It’s a sudden joy I think I’ve fallen In love with a boy As he innocently regales Me with tales Of him at the pit I didn’t know back then But this is It And I’ve found my shore The holy one that I adore And years pass Like we’re flicking a canvas Like you’re wearing shoes And holding up like Atlas And I know you’ve a woman And I respect her claim But I still love The sound of your name Against mine And we’re just wasting time Getting lost in love And the Holy Spirit is a dove To come down on me Do you think we could be Or is it just something I have to let go It’s not kosher, I know And you’ve got so many flaws And my winter never thaws To break out into spring But I would give you everything If you don’t think to ask I’ll let you in, at last
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
We could all be under earth pretty soon Am I the only one who hears the noise in the room When it’s silent as hell And there’s all these people wishing me well But I can’t help but feel that it all pull asunder The rattling windows to the sound of thunder As it all caves in And who would win When the triumph is naught It’s like some disease that we’ve caught That makes us capable to kill And at will The degenerate Comes to pull apart the state Of affairs and of the mind I swore I would leave no one behind
I just wanna die with you It would be perfect poetry Romeo and Juliet and their symmetry As forces try to pull us apart But they can’t kill what is all heart And tomorrow is a day no one can promise But you looked in my eyes and you were honest As you spilled truth like rain And I just wanna stand in the waterfall again As it brushes my skin I was never at home til I met him And suddenly the sky Turns and I must watch my lover die On the battlefield But the victory goes to the one who yield But for all the weight of my storm I could only ever keep you warm For a certain length of time And now all I’ve left of you Is something made of us two Growing under my skin I could never replace him With someone new I just wanted you To know the truth The prisoner and her youth
There is the fear that death could separate us And that I have to rush to you To profess my love Til above Reaches in its hand And takes away my only man The only one I’ve ever sought To give myself to beyond the taught And you are serene and beautiful But your skin’s as thin as cotton wool And the people are all saying I’m crazy But it doesn’t faze me I just take a step back And their affection feels like an attack On summer wine As they take my time And make it theirs Hands up if anyone cares I know they will say they’ve got the best of intentions It’s just that they never mention You, anymore And I wonder if that closed door Has slammed shut If only I could get out of this aperture of slut As they all seek to cling Coz, God knows, they’d hold onto anything And I open out my palm As the bell rings an alarm In the hall of calling like it is And is it a surprise that I’m still his In spite of the battleship That is equipped Somewhere along the shore To hammer at my door Like a man knocking on my breath But it hasn’t opened to him yet
There is crippling instability at my core I try to balance what I adore On the scales But a part of me rails And tries to decide That I no longer want to be alive If it means that I’m not with her Always wondering what we were And she hates me now but I feel her breath Whispering “do not forget” All that we are And she says I am her star No black hole But the measure of her soul And she calls to me Across the sea Of forever in between Am I crazy or is this a dream I just cannot wake from All I love will someday be gone And ripped to shreds This is what I think of when I lay in bed
The wrench I try not to feel Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal With the wave that races to the shore And it crushes everything I adore And all are sandcastles, all are water I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter Who may never see you again And you were the best of men Though something whispers to me that you are here Closer than close and ever near And I look for it in their eyes But all I ever see is the disguise That hides you from me They equate eternity With what they can know With their mind, so I pull away Because I know you cannot stay Not here, not with me You are free And I unlock the chains That keep you incumbent to the rain And all the aching that I feel Is the only thing that is real As I run to St. Pat’s And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats Til I can’t feel the grief They must replace the belief With a shallow kind of pain The kind that has people squint with strain And say, sure isn’t that the way But I return to the bay As it opens out onto the Pacific And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific And lays all my shreds bare Til there’s nothing left to tear And my dress may be ruined But I think God knows what He’s doing When he says to me I will take away the temporary So you can know the permanent How could hell be heaven sent?
My heart is touched By the ones I love so much And I can’t bear the loss Bearing the heavy weight of cost Of all this time And everything that’s mine Will one day belong to the sky We do not know the hour we die Or the day or the year All I know is that a tear Slides down my face When something goes to waste Because it was not said And it pounds in my head As I’m lying in bed Hoping to stay warm And all form Is permeable to The water that just wears through Our steady soul And the waves roll Over the Burren floor It was once at the bottom of the ocean and what’s more It’s solidity Is only apparent when it’s taken from me To go sliding away I close my eyes to the day And embrace the night Have people ask; “are you alright?” And yes I am, but no I’m not Like asking a candle is it hot As it slowly melts This is made to be felt As it sits in my chest And holds the people I love the best In the Kilglass sun What if everything is the One
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
The darkest shame is that I followed the clues That I thought would lead me to you And there were blue chalked streets and bears They say the fabric of my sanity tears When I believe in secret tomes And become one who roams The avenues of misty eyed tears As the date nears And I cannot bear the truth So I pulverise my own youth By putting myself in their hands Now after slipping sands Have run the hourglass down I still feel like I want to drown Some where in all this emotion It’s as though the road is an ocean I cannot climb into And it becomes a sprint to The door And I couldn’t have loved them more But somehow I feel the wilderness in my bones And I refuse to answer my two phones When they call out to me And I could’ve missed our history In the avenue I let bleed Because I know you need Who I used to be But its just that they have destroyed me In their attempts to keep the dark away I just lay in the bay And it was not San Francisco Or some kind of cool fuckin’ disco It was like being drawn on a string So he could live on everything He ever thought he was And I take the hit because I want him to be sky high And not afraid to die A death on the floor I just want to prove I love him more
There is a look you scarce can hide Not even when you’re by her side And I can see the way she don’t reach Into the lessons you long to teach And she may be fine by the beach But she’s not the one to help you sleep By her side And you are alive But you’re in a lot of pain I can feel it in the rain That pours from your eyes And if the hero dies Is the story over And I don’t even know her But I know enough to say She is not me, okay And you will never find your truth In the prism of your youth Thinking you’ve won the war Not realising what it’s for And you swore you had one over on me But I just set you free And I know I may not see you again Not in this form so I look at other men And they are wonderous and pure But I am still fuckin’ sure That you’re the one I long to be with And I’m not gonna call her a bitch Just because some theft’s going on And I may be gone But I still feel you wish For my lips to meet your kiss Like they did on the first day Our palm to palm and then away Into the pub where no alcohol is served And I observed That when I swerved Away from you You still pondered what to do And if you could reach over to me But thank you for letting me be free I was too young for sex Or committing to what you wanted to do next And I returned several years later And was enamoured til I realised you date her All the while I poured my soul Into your begging bowl And you see yourself as pathetic and weak Because you did not speak Up when you felt the cue But I’ve always seen the king in you And he rules the realm of my heart It only gets stronger since we’ve been apart
Jack and me someday in the stars Belting out music as we’re chasing cars And I followed him down an avenue I just wonder what he’s going ta do As he flashes that smile at me And I know it will be a while til I see What he’s got going on under the hood He seems kinda bad but I know he is good As he offers his hands to me at will Then moved my own with dexterous skill Until the both are intertwined And I hardly know what’s his or what’s mine And the autumn fades the colours of leaves And he’s all mysterious or would you believe As he waits at the step of the door that I love I think I’ve been gifted from God above With the beauty of this connection Are we a constellation in the northern direction To take note of what we leave behind And I wonder if I am out of mind To go on hearing your voice in my soul What are the waves to do but roll
The closeted feminist But now can I resist All the chains they put on me Say I must believe if I wanna be free Coz I don’t take sides And love just abides And lush is the grass of verdant green And what is carried out in the name of the queen As she sits on her throne I’m just myself when I’m on my own With no moniker And I don’t wanna be her Of stand alone pride I trust in the rush of being alive Do you see what I paint At the sight of blood I get faint And I waver every time I see Proof of what I don’t feel is me Can you just let go I’m not what you say I am, you know And how we’ve been trained But your conditioning is in vain As I collect All the things you say are wrecked Do you get what I mean Is this life but a dream Coz you can’t rely On everything that is destined to die And I Stand up just to let go Pull the needle through on the bed I sew Til it’s all but done I don’t think I am the only one To feel the heady weight of foolish glee You can stay on time, but it wouldn’t be me
I know that he and I Will always be one here, we will never die Like all bodies are destined to But I found heaven in you And it’s something that cannot be taken away Not even when comes the day That the great forgive must let us go As we travel into mists we do not know But I was bought and sold The moment I saw solid gold Shine from his eyes And I know though he tries He cannot separate Me from the place where we equate Everything we ever were To the trust he found in her And in us It’s not just lust It is a spiralling spark That shines even brighter in the dark So much so that I wish for my old days When I was lost in so many ways And the balance I’ve found And the solid ground Only distances the despair I loved because you were there
There is a distance in time and space It takes you away from the Now But you have shown me somehow That there is no way you could be removed From where I am in tune With the stars and sea He is always with me Even though we haven’t spoken in ten years Even though I cried bitter tears Over our supposed separation And my education Only ever confirmed That there is always more to be learned When you try to ignite the fire And I do not tire Of my twin flame dreams Because nothing is as it seems When you water it down There’s something about this town That still sings to me And our history In separate schools Breaking all but the most pressing rules As we fight to be free I know you had your destiny To meet But would you greet Me at the door Because, darling, I always want more
My time as a drifter And the time he wanted to shift her In Hillstreet in the dark And I lost a part Of myself when I agreed To the part of me that it freed In the lines in between It was the worst part of the dream I had just been set free from the blocks And I was all about breaking locks And seeing how far I could take it But I didn’t mean to wake it Up from where it lay And it is not okay That when the dragon breathes fire You blame me for the post that I conspire To burn in my flame I am not within my name I am barely brimming at the edges And I can see over the hedges As the man trims them with his machine And I am who I’ve always been But that seems to do me no good If I can only find salvation in the wood And when I’m on my own If I could’ve I would’ve known Twenty years ago But it took time for the life to show Through the facade of the veil And I set sail On a foreign sea To find the part of me That I lost in the melee Do you think you could just be a friend to me?
There is a black pool at the core of my being When it’s light it’s just a reflection you’re seeing Of the moon in the water And I have been a “good” daughter Always abiding by the rule Getting grades to fly by in school But I have grown up and in And I found myself in him When he set me free from the stricture And it was a mighty picture When he showed me his own shade of blue And I wanted to be one with you As you just were yourself And my mental health Is not up for debate But I’ve learned there’s something beyond the hate You can even hold for yourself There is a wealth In verdant green And it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen
The antecedent knows its own role And I lie in the expanse of my own soul As the bombs go off Or another person coughs As, I, awake in my bed Wonder what they would have said If they’d have known What was going down And I may visit the bay again Just don’t say when Because it is a futile ploy When I see my stars in a boy As he shines from afar He is my favourite star In the darkness of outer space I wonder if all these years have gone to waste Since I told him I love him And I would never hold myself above him But I feel like I was reduced For the receipts I couldn’t produce So I decided to write and write Even if it is sometimes shite Trying to get it on lock I don’t want to be something that I’m not But when I take a pill I swear I never will Be all I claim I am It’s like Kilglass winning Sam Impossible but still a dream Like me and the queen Inside my riverbed heart Blue and red from the start Do I use the pain to make art And the futility to show that the taking part Is the best part of the win I just hope I get to be with him Somehow, someday Anyway Thanks for listening Oh, look my teardrop’s glistening
The embodiment of the prose That happens at the intersection of less travelled roads Where you meet two parallel paths And think of how God might have wrath For you and entice You into a darkness that isn’t nice Because if you look in the biblical frame You’re talking to someone who has no name And you can call him Yahweh or Yeshua I just know that I wouldn’t mess with ya Not on any given Sunday But trouble doesn’t come on a Monday It was some idle Tuesday blue That took me from you And I was just walking back From the place where I lack Everything that ever was Do I lose you because I didn’t pray for peace Is there a reason why people decease Before their time Which is always now if you ask the rhyme In the indulgent hues Now I just pay my dues As they fall onto my desk Trust and have faith and forsake the rest As it eyes up my piece of bread But it’s all madness in my head As I hear a million voices Asking me if they have choices In why they are condemned to A kind of hell I’m party to And if I’m the only one who nears Then do I run away when danger nears Or do I open the gap And shed light on the torn map That says beyond this point You must not go because the anoint Have adorned it a place for sinners And all the winners That you have ever known Have only ever grown Through the pain of embracing the shadow I often wonder if I am bad, though
I went on a search but I never found it Now all I can do is ground it As it pours light in through my crown I thought that I would drown In the darkness but it was light It lifts me up and I am alright As I, unsteady on my feet, As a foal I’ve yet to meet Struggle to regain the ground I’ve lost to the realm of sound As it pelts my windows I never let it in though Until that man came with his soul Held out like a begging bowl And it just undo Everything I was assuming of you And somehow we’re in! But does it pertain to Him Coz that will be evidence of it’s constancy And in my revelry I missed the quiet comfort of your hoodie And I’m just wondering would we If we got the chance You ask me to dance And I say yes I take the hand you hold out, I guess And we move to the beat And the heat That your body is throwing Has me knowing That this is something you’ve desired Ever since I set it all on fire No need to worry, dear The glass is crystal clear
The thread unwinds And are we all just out of our minds Running blind Into the wind And the boy grinned At me like it was all okay And somehow it was with him that day Will I find my way back to see The moment of eternity That held itself out in his eyes Deep blue opals that disguise The soul that’s looking through I would love to be with you In any kind of way No broken heart to mend today Just ashen earth clay pots And calling the kettle what I’m not In the morning The sea was storming Until that deathly calm It should have rang some kind of alarm But it didn’t, I just gazed Into a man I would have saved If I had known how Now I just allow You to breach the barrier And I know you wear the weather with her I can see it through the grain As it’s all coming down as rain In a January morning In the winter of 2013 And the dream Is less like shattered glass And more like Gandalf and “You Shall Not Pass” But the goblins from the grave Seem to haunt all of my days In so many ways As I look into the sky And wonder when you too will die
I was too soon to know What I had let go When I was young And the bell rung To signal class had begun And it was all systems go Business as usual so Ms. Earley came into the class How was I to know that day would break the cast That had solidified around me And it beckoned to ground me Into the earth it knew And I was far away from loving you That day But somehow, nothing would get in my way And the ground fell apart as I crumbled The ball was thrown and I fumbled The past How was I to know that day would last And I felt the dark encroach Around the subject that we broach Perched on the edge of a prayer It was the last moment “I” was there As I began to sway and lose consciousness It was as though I undress In front of everyone And the sun That was about to shine Was to say it had always been mine In the subterfuge And I thought that no dude Could ever move me from that place But that was until I saw his face Masked in subtle tones Now we’re staring at each other through our phones As we don’t talk But we walk Every bloody mile of ground Until we hear the sound Of forever in a glance Would you just shut up and dance With me And let my love set you free You know it can I knew it when you took my hand And showed me a handshake that people forget But I haven’t yet Like I swore I would Make good On ever word I uttered Is your bread buttered On both sides Because I am still alive In your heart and soul So put away your begging bowl And look within Lightning struck a second time with him
I’d give all my money Just to taste honey But it’s gotta be on my terms And she burns In her own passionate elixir Doesn’t need a man to fix her But just to share A road that doesn’t go anywhere Coz she’s made that decision And she risks derision For not falling into the fold But the fields are gold And she watched the life die And there were times she wanted to try To see beyond the far distant shore Now her eyes don’t look that way anymore Not since she met her scene In a man she knew from a dream And he is making one with a star But neither of them know what they are And she is all philosophy But a dream can’t make reality Out of a fabric thin But I could’ve sworn I was with him Years ago And for years, you know We’d dance under the sheets Amid the gravity that made us meet
I’m getting the message to where it needs to be Because people drown in a foot of sea Water as it comes up to their throats They don’t know they can stand up and hope floats And seeks eternity in the bones Of the body the soul has made home We tiptoe around the fact It doesn’t help that I want him back In spite of all his flaws And the way the icicle thaws As it hangs like a stalactite From the room I ignite With my Lára flame You know everything is in a name And I am not to be crossed But look, baby, all is not lost Not if you count the shipwreck safe But there’s a coast we can escape To if you just open your eyes But you keep them closed and something dies In the subterfuge And it’s all rouge Everywhere And people who just do not care About what has come to pass And the part of love that last Far past the point of surrender I do everything I can to make you remember But you are lost in your nonchalant As I pick an adequate font To write out your epitaph You know you made me laugh So hard that day But was I laughing at what goes away When the midnight is done And there is a sun That does not need light Or fusion to combust into all that’s right And I know you hobble and I know that spiders’ webs Weave their tendrils above your head I’m just here to be a reminder That if you look you will find her Right where she always was Under the stone of your in-laws
There was a crash and a bang And then the phone rang To say that he had died And I screamed out and cried And the memory of it sings Like a bullet in my back and things Were never the same after that Because I can’t get his light back As it leaves his shape I watch the soul escape The body I thought I knew And what if I never see you Ever again You were the best of men And you would get that look that would lock Into my gaze and I would take stock Of the moment that we held Like out on the mountain that morning as dawn broke its shell Or the time I took a video recorder And filmed you looking into the border That bridges the place between you and I I was eleven when the sigh Escaped your lips And my own eclipse Began with a swathe of rage I decided not to use a page To document my anguished sobs Because that would be to rob Some of my pain from me And what would be left of our history The one with Ireland on the wall You had cut it out or you walking down the hall In the middle of the night when all was quiet Just a door gently shutting on the riot That cascaded my dreams A grandfather that isn’t all he seems Because he is a whole life away And I’m just starting mine, what do you say That everything will be okay And you love Granny and that day You held a candle as you depart And it nearly breaks my heart Watching her watching you go Why did God make us for this so To love and to say goodbye I don’t mean to always cry When I think of twenty two years ago It’s just I promised that the low Would bring me a high And I feel you in the sky As I gaze into a scene And ask God to wake the dream Up if He possibly could So I walk alone in the wood At the back of our land Until something takes my hand And leads me to a monument That points to the place the person went And how could hell be heaven sent I swear and I eff and blind But it doesn’t bring me respite from the mind That tears me into treachery Look your love is not lost in me It’s just fading into eternity One you will come to know My surrender will not let you go
I watch it fly into the sky And, you know, everyone cry But not everyone wakes while they live It happens when you forgive That girl who took a lightning strike And aimed it at me but, like, I turn it into some kind of illumination And now every tv station Plays my tune Like I’m the only one in the room And I meet someone I would like To meet in the dead in the night Sneaking out into the grass I didn’t think our love would last But it’s been fifteen years And we’ve weathered rain clouds emptied of tears As they fall on us And I trust Him to do just what he craves But he’s the Superman who saves Me from the boring grey He is like a sun ray That sets all the colours a throb And I give him what he wants to rob From me And dignity Won’t keep this secret quiet It’s always been a riot In that avenue And his blue Offsets my red Til we’re white light in bed Making one with the serene This is beyond the dream And they say twin flames reside In the place where duality hides Its face from something so pure He’s what I bank on and I know for sure That we’ll always be eternal prose And he might be the one who chose Me, but on my side I’m just glad he’s alive In this incarnation And my education Taught me to always say no But with him I’m like, let’s go And get on with the show You claim to make But I’ll be no oven to bake Some buns for the eating I gotta be the one you’re keeping For forever in a sigh Our love will never die
I was a teen when the war in Iraq broke out And there was nothing I could do to stem the doubt That no one should be invading a land That they simply do not understand And dictators come in many shapes and sizes Some of them would be surprises Because what’s viewed as a just war Only depends on what you’re looking for And the bullets will be forever silent If we abdicate the violent And you could say I’m a pacifist And we simply should not exist Because we put stability in danger When we say that the manger Should not starve a baby boy And a gun is not a toy And I’ve never been burdened by strife I just rebel when he wants a wife To make a house and home But I love being on my own Free to admire Now I’m watching buildings on fire And children screaming for their parents Wondering where the hell they went Not knowing, and maybe by grace They get to see their faces Again And you can blame men But it is the ego It shoots what it doesn’t see though And I am no liberator The queen of whatever and see you later But I can’t be superfluous about this It is not stuck in a kiss It is in a scene that I could change If I just rearrange The way I see things play Because it will never be okay To raid a village and plunder and thieve And feed the enemy things they might believe So that you can further your agenda And you have some friends that will defend ya But the foundations are rocky and unstable And what was born isn’t able To reign in the suspense Compassion’s in the present tense And it is the only way To redeem the wolves that bay To the moon we all see Let’s let the past be history
Living in the hills I’ve known my own share of pain And the west coast is full of rain Because it faces the Atlantic And don’t be so dramatic When you say that the wiles of Connemara Has shades of Scarlet O’ Hara With her red hair and wild ways I have to say I cannot leave what he says When he talks about a soulmate And it more than a person that you date It is someone to whom your heart is bound I fell for him without a sound And he tried so hard Did he know that he had the card That would trump a royal flush And the seats were so plush As we sat in the comfort of each other He had the safety of a brother But the love of a fire brimming flame And I didn’t remember his name Because he went by something else And I was a little worried about his mental health But he’s always been my choice And ever since I found my voice I’ve been searching for ways to say I always want to be with you, okay?
The look of men as they cross my path And something in their stillness dulls the wrath Of the God inside my heart One’s a musician, another makes art Another studied with me in school And we broke every rule That night in Tripod when we Kissed the edge of destiny And made two into the one we are He reminds me of a burning star In its effervescent red And I know he took other girls to bed But it doesn’t dim the look in my eye Because I know that I would die Just to see him smile And I haven’t seen him in a while But we are connected on a level beneath The roads that move under our feet Do you remember the night I chased you down As you tried to escape to your side of town And we talked about having a cup of tea As you looked over at me Wondering what I might mean But you are more than the dream Supping oxygen in the tent I wonder where those years went And you threw your arm around my neck In the days reality seems to wreck With it’s assurance of get to be But you were everything to me And somehow you still are I wonder if your heart Is still the same hue as it always was I needed you to know because It’s not every day you meet upon the trail A love that simply will not fail So when you look up into the sky Know that there’s a love that will never die And it burns for you here In this heart beyond the fear Of what they might say You showed your cards and I play My own onto the table so you see That you meant the whole world to me
The extrication of spirit from form One minute you’re fine and the body’s warm Next thing you notice you’re eighty two And people are saying goodbye to you And I must hold my head up high And watch you die Slowly, then all at once Letting go of the pulse That beats your heart so fine The one that was in love with mine For the season we spent in the sun I look up and we’re still one
I don’t wanna be your whore Like she did in the time before And she’d buy anything you sell Plies you with whiskey so you might tell Her you love her so But there are places you won’t go Even for a trinket she’d offer All you want is to suffer Wholeheartedly And rather smartly You hold your hand out to me We dance and it is free And I wonder what it feels like to know she’s only there Because you’re willing to pay your share Of the coin But you can’t solder what you want to join Together in sweet surrender I know you remember Coz how could you forget And it’s there for you yet If you want to taste the apple that grows on the tree You know you shouldn’t but you ask me What it feels like to be Still young and free And I say it’s like sleeping outside your door Waiting for the one you adore To realise he loves you more Than his story on the second floor
Darragh Connolly is the pebble in my shoe Coz I never admitted the truth to you That you’re so fine you inspire the weather And I’m running through fields of heather That sing me to sleep with the sound of your name I met you and I won’t be the same And you saw me sweetly and you held me long And your arms are so strong As you point me out and then you laugh Could you do me a favour I dare to ask Would you just kiss me and set the scene Coz I’ve painted us like we’re the dream And I’m waiting for you to make the first move But you hold it back like there’s a point to prove And I smile and you burst open the sun It shines the ten years that we’ve been young In the growing, in the aging, in the getting old You’re the Corey of my story that’s never been told And I’d love to hold you again But I can never seem to hang onto men And I wonder would you If I decided I wanted you to Dance in the moonlight on the soft grass You’re name is the question my heart likes to ask When I’ve a moment silent in the dusk You’ve always had a way with my trust And faith that I put into your soul I watched you through screens getting old And the years may be kind to us both But I still see us driving the coast Down to the avenues I love the most If you give me a letter I’d like to post Then I’d send it to you in the morning No more absent wonderforlorning In the years we’ve spent away Everything rests on what you have to say As you keep silence like it is the cue I must take in secret from you Would you answer me down on one knee If I said you’re the one I’d like to see Every morning when I wake up It’s so little we could scarce call it love But there’s something in the moment that holds true I think I’ll always be enchanted by you
I’m waiting in Longford town To see if you’re free to be around And I know it’s a futile endeavor Rachel says that it will never Happen to me, at least not with you Or at least not now and that’s all well to do But sometimes I feel you scorching my soul Heave with the ocean as the waves roll And the thunderclouds clap All of my ideas off the map As I write the essence of you In plurals and mosaics split in two And I wonder what are we What is the difference between me and she And she looks pretty fine And if I was a guy I could call her mine But you, oh, effortless you Are just like the window that I see through And delineate Draw it up, then call it fate As I awaken inside To all the love that just abide And bursts through I want you to know I’m thinking of you
Does all of humanity live within the sphere Of a death close enough that it’s ever near And we may get a hundred years or so Or we might not, you just never know And I walk within the fear Just so it becomes clear That the immortal in the form Is that which was never born And is out of reach Of the end that they teach Is the conclusion of life on earth And it might hurt To fall but get back up I am holding you, love And there’s nowhere a cloud can’t go It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t share what I know Coz I was fourteen and I writhe The cumulation of being alive Came crashing down And I felt I would drown In the ocean of it all When suddenly the brick wall Just fell to the floor And I adore What got back up You could call it love The living breathing apparition Of what happens when fission Pulls itself back together And heals the wound The room Faded from view But you Never did And it’s worth a couple quid Just to say That I am okay Come what may In the fray Of the life we know I held on then It let go
The mountain sure seemed high til I climbed it They’d tell you why but I wouldn’t mind it And I just kick out from the shore I couldn’t tell you which I loved more The going away or the coming back Do you really know something til you’ve felt it’s lack And I was wandering in a cavalcade When I just happened upon your shade And it let me in I was warm when I was with him As we both pause at the same time And he questions my rhyme I say it’s funny and he laughs I let him in because he asks So genially and off the cuff Five minutes in and I know love Has me by the lapel But I think it’s too soon to tell Him what I have on sheets Under cover and the streets Reminded me of the time I was tripping I hold the frame but the picture’s slipping And the more I try to steady the ship The more I can sense an eclipse Coming on Now the reference is gone And I’m trying to even keel But the way I feel Just tells me to be honest But I wouldn’t count on it And Benjamin is a sure shade of blue I let it go and I trusted you
I’m burning down the house I made in my mind Leave that old cave behind The one I used to spit and moan And mainly just feel all alone Coz they inoculate shame And call you by your first name When they want you to back down Or go ahead and drown In the ocean that submerge Don’t you know it’s just a word They used to categorise You so that you’re something in their eyes And maybe they steal But they can’t take what is real No matter how hard they try And I know that we all die But I can’t stay under this roof Where’s your evidence, where’s your proof That I was ever anything other Than a cloud that would smother You with a hot heat Thick and heavy as defeat
Am I gonna die if I feel this feeling Coz I hear a voice screaming in my head And one day I’m scared I’m gonna wake up dead Travelling through a vortex through open space Why do I keep seeing his face And that window in my apartment on floor five How the hell am I still alive When all around me has withered And the demons veritably slithered Down the garden path on the way to Eden When Eve steps on their heads is it just that she doesn’t see them And where is Adam in all of this Is he just lost in his first kiss With the bride of his dreams Is nothing as it may seem Coz is God the overlord Or is he simply the spoken Word That turns Spirit into flesh Made the sexes and all the rest All the animals and all the birds All the potential in the unheard And in the night do you hear the call It was a freefall That year I committed myself to you It’s 2012 and I’m walking through The doors of my mind back to you then In all of this did I lose a friend Somewhere in the aftermath And I’m not scared of wrath By some deity Telling me that it hates me In the world of the hologram If there is a plan It must be Love Coz without It what is the above But a sanctity we fear I’m running with wolves and near To the free wind To love versus to have sinned Coz you’re about as bad as they get But I can bring myself to regret Our cataclysm Is it time to heal the Great Schism
I’m emo cool Well I was in school Though I was in the closet Coz it wasn’t the norm was it Til I met that guy And, man, I could fly With the joy of knowing such a soul It will stay with me as I grow old And the body will wither and die But it can never take the blue of his eye That catches the light from mine In ‘00’s parlance, he was fine Though he doesn’t know it And, man, I throw it Like a wine or match And my roof of thatch Is burning up a storm And we could keep each other warm Not in a sex kind of way But in the profundity that’s in what he say And I count lucky stars That prison bars Buckled and fell And I wish him well With the girl that he knows But with me it’s anything goes And this love will last a life Metaphorical man and wife Even if we never get to be The ocean is just the sea By another name and form I met you and I was born
He clicked unlock and the case sprang open To hell with all of my hoping As I try to run the dial But I would die just to see you smile And you stutter the flame And I see your name In my email inbox And I try to explain all I am not Are you interested, coz you’re older than me But you’re equally free And almost as cool Which guy were you in school Somewhere in a foreign land With heritage I’m sorry I ghosted Your Facebook page But I couldn’t hang on anymore But I rest my head against the door Coz I can hear your music play In between what you say And I watch the light dance in your eyes You laugh like there’s no disguise That could ever hide this from me I just hope that you see Everything that we are He makes a joke, I see a star
The Poetry Book 