Tag: heart

Monumental Shift

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I watch with breaking heart 
As my hands break apart 
And the students call for change
Meanwhile the studies rearrange
Themselves around a new constellation 
A new age, a new installation
And I’m powerful in my surrender
Something about me makes people remember
A land before time 
And it is not mine 
It is something else in the sea 
Vague remnants of eternity
That build itself into a fort 
I have nothing to report 
And do I go against the grain 
The great movement of monumental pain 
That seems to foreshadow a darkened age
And if we don’t clear the page 
Of all the words that have been written upon 
Then we’ll regret it when its all gone 
And I make no enemy 
But something has to be said about the unfree 
Who walk with chains on their hands 
Strangers in their own lands 
And its accusations of anti this or anti that 
But it’s about something you can’t take back 
Once it’s done 
And I’m still young 
But do I sacrifice 
My own life 
For what I can never be
I just wonder why they don’t see 
What they’re doing to a population 
And if your education 
Inoculates you to your humanity 
Then it isn’t worth the paper they hand you by any degree

Don’t Lose Your Humanity

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Don’t lose your humanity when you grow up 
Remember you were founded on love 
Like every good city
And there is self pity
And there is blame 
But know the name
That is given to you 
Is not all there is when they ask what is true 
And I put a flower in the shield of the riot policeman 
Because I know that only open hearts can
Remind a solider what he really is 
Not a function of what it means to merely exist 
As a job or as a duty 
There is beauty 
Within every man 
No matter what he can 
Entertain 
When he seeks salvation in vain 
In the trigger of the gun 
And the false notion that he is the only one 
Who feels this way 
But everything will eventually pass away 
But do you realise what is eternal in the now 
And if you do then what will you allow 
To happen on your watch 
Do you keep one eye on the clock 
As you hear it tick your life away
And you gather sand because you cannot stay
In an earthen grain 
And is it wrong that I see the pain 
In their mocking eyes 
As they disguise 
Their despair 
At having to go in there
And break what someone else built 
But now the milk is spilt 
And do we cry or do we clean it up 
Do we make it worse or do we love 
And hold the hand of the screaming baby 
Is that what it takes to save me? 

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The Strip I Found Myself Upon

.Reading time 3 minutes.
What can I do I’m just a speck of dust
Born on a spy Wednesday that I can’t trust 
And do I really betray the saviour 
Or is it just something I pray for 
As I sit in St. Mel’s Cathedral 
And wonder if there is really a thing so evil 
As what we’ve been taught exists 
But I was flung into the mists 
And there was no option but to face the darkness
I give who I was a parting kiss
As I step out of her skin 
And into the one I’m walking in 
And I’m scared of death and revolution 
Because once an idea became a final solution 
That rested on the destruction
And some babies are born by suction 
As mothers die just to give life 
And women sacrifice to be someone’s wife 
And men on the front 
Call those they hate some kind of cunt 
As they get their guns ready to fire 
Will humanity ever tire
Of pulling the trigger 
As we only get bigger 
On a planet that stays the same size 
And people must show they’re having the time of their lives
Or they do not exist 
And is it any wonder that I’m pissed
Or that we have a crisis of suicide 
When it means so little to be alive 
The price that hangs above our head
So vapid that some would rather be dead 
Than face into the storm I choose to weather
And wouldn’t we all rather be lying in the heather 
Soaking in the moor 
But the poor 
Echo in my mind
And ask me not to leave them behind 
And wealth is not a measure of riches 
So I just kick it with my bitches 
And find a way to keep what is precious in me 
Even if it means that I don’t let anyone see
The cog that turns my wheel 
Must I repeat, don’t be ruled by what you feel 
In the age of Iraq
And an atrocity you cannot take back 
Not as hard as you try 
There are those who send the wounded to die 
As a salve for what they need to do 
And I passed a homeless man who had not one but two 
Limbs amputated 
And I may be educated
But I can never know how that feels
And something in me just reels 
As the veteran sings 
And thanks me heartily for the things
I give to him 
Money and a smile but how could a country win 
When we are one humanity 
And consciousness knows only one way to be 
And that is to embrace the other 
For every man is my brother 
And holds my empty hands
As the hourglass is spilling sands 
Onto an eternal beach 
What does Earth School teach? 

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Deviations From The Norm

.Reading time 3 minutes.

There wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

Taylor Swift
There are deviations from the norm
And some people said it was just bad form 
As she excommunicated me from the religion I love
Because I fit around that hand like a glove
And she told me I was too perfect and pristine
And it became a nightmare before I woke from the dream 
And found out what God really mean 
But I still bear the scar
From the mark made by what you are 
And I know you’re deeper and true 
And it’s just that the losing of you 
Did more for me than having you could do 
And I became spacious as the sky is blue 
As open and wide and as far as the eye can see 
When I lost the will to live out my destiny 
And fought to find a spark in the dark of night 
And no one thought to ask if I was alright 
Because I was the villain 
In your own personal film 
About how you were the victim of fate
And people love someone to hate 
And they gathered around my ghost
And I watched her lose what she loved the most
In this melee
And now I’m free 
Of all that gathers at the hem 
And you would do it to me again 
If I gave you the chance
So I took away the music that used to make you dance
To the sound of us 
Do you hear the quiet of broken trust 
And I lean on the two of the old brigade 
I close my eyes and pour it into Ciara and Sinéad 
Because I know they have my back 
And just because I feel that I lack 
What I was before 
Doesn’t mean there isn’t something to adore 
In the statue I’ve become 
There’s wisdom in the age you lose when you are young 
And I wish you the best of all that there is 
Because the rest of what I am is His 
In the sudden sun that dawned upon the glen 
And I close my eyes and whisper Amen 
To every prayer I’ve ever uttered 
I open my eyes like windows I had shuttered

The Sneaking Suspicion

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I get this feeling, it’s like an irritation 
And it has me running to his station 
To see what I can’t download 
But the road 
Turns and I can’t see 
What he ever meant for me 
When he changed his tune
Turned his head with me in the room 
And I know I can’t be mad
Should let him off with the feeling bad 
Because I feel the spiral 
That has somehow gone viral 
On YouTube
And even the coolest dude
Is susceptible to 
The weakness of being open to 
A failing of words 
And following the herds 
Like a basket case 
That some demon somewhere wants to erase
I stepped into the stream 
And the nightmare of a dream 
Came to show its face
Did I really need to embrace
The lowest of form 
So that I could be warm 
When he’d look at me 
I can’t hide the gaze that just see
Into mystery 
And he thinks he so complex and he is so proud
Of all that he does not say out loud 
But its echoing from you 
Like a ripple as I dip my toe into 
The river we were 
Before you met the ocean of her 
When you plunged into its frigid storm 
Did you remember the moment we were born 
In some distant haze 
Not I look as your gaze 
Tries to rest on me on the sand 
But I could never be that land 
Not when it’s arid and dry
And I never did mean to make you cry
It’s just I’m plush and green 
And I take the one seat ahead of the scream 
That violates lines 
And you’ve said it before, like a thousand times 
How you love it when 
She whispers prayers like an amen 
And I’m sure you do 
Pull needles though 
The jumper you embroider 
And I hope you enjoy her 
But don’t blame me for the why 
The resolve you never had to die 
In a fiery fuse 
I look at you two and I just bruise 
In the place where the picture meets my skin 
And then I walk into a room and meet him 
And he’s just like you 
But a bit more dangerous and outspoken too
If that could be real 
Possible that I could feel 
That way again 
In a hall of willing men 
Who open their palms 
To me like they are giving alms
To the girl I was for what I’ve become 
I was beautiful when I was young

In The City

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There was Darragh in the city
And I felt him with me 
And I hope he's happy and free
And I wonder does he ever think of me 
And if he does what does he surmise 
Does he think that all we had were lies
Or faint veins of lines 
That mapped the land so undefined 
I wish I could set the record straight
But I just wait and wait and wait 
And long to be your Jess
I saw you converse and I confess
That I watched him with his guitar 
And I wished I could take it to serenade what you are 
And is it embarrassing to know 
That the girl that loved you has not let it go 
And you may have a wife and children too
And I wonder if I could still talk to you 
In our silent communication 
It was the greater part of my education 
In my years in the Quinn School Of Business
I'm not sure the ocean that I bear witness 
To will ever come my way again 
But I know you were the best of men
And you taught me that sly 
Would never trespass in your eye 
Because you let me really look 
And I read you like I would read a book 
Enraptured and all caught in the pages 
I found my soul amongst the sages 
But I found my beating heart in your gaze 
I think of you every time that song plays

Losing A Friend

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Did I lose a friend when I let you go 
On the edge of UCD and I just want you to know 
Who you are and what you mean to be 
What you were and what you are to me 
And you would drop your gaze and look away
I don't know why I couldn't make the time stay
Coz I wasn't sure I was girlfriend material 
I'm half wild and ethereal 
And I live to drop in and out 
Of my own self doubt 
And you were honest and true
And all heart and I loved you
But I didn't let you see 
In case you would get attached to me 
And I would have to split 
But I was enchanted and that's what you're dealing with 
As I'm leading you back to the club 
Because I don't want anything to happen to you, my love 
And I get Colin to go out and meet you there 
I want you to know I care 
But you stopped talking to me 
At the airport like you just looked straight through me 
As we'd wheel a case or carry a bag 
And the days drag 
Without you in my life 
I know you probably have a wife 
By now 
But the part of me that I allow 
You access to 
Has not been retracted, you
Still hold that same spot 
Somewhere between the dream of what I could be and what I am not 
Because you were fire red and real 
And I would steal 
You away in a minute 
But just don't think tradition is in it 
If you still want to call on me 
Just click hello and there I'll be

Letting The Monstrous Go

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I’m letting the monstrous go, the one that tried to eat me 
But it could not defeat me 
Because I hold Jesus in my core
And I know who loves me more
As they batter me with clubs and stones
As I beg them to just leave me alone 
And Barry smirks and grins 
But I don’t have so much time for him 
Because I feel the pulverise try to latch a grasp 
And the asp 
Bites but does not sting 
And no diamond ring 
Is forthcoming 
But I like who I’m becoming 
As the doctor looks at me with plaintive distress
And if I had to guess
I’d say that she fears death 
But then she deals with it every day, I must not forget
And tries to stave it off every way she can 
But I accept that every man 
Must one day give way to the sea 
And let the spirit become what it’s always been to me 
As natural as breathing or being born 
Why do the people look so forlorn 
As they contemplate 
A realm they cannot estimate 
With the power of the mind 
I let go all that I’m leaving behind
And I feel myself losing it 
But I think that I’m choosing it 
As I walk towards the sun 
I realise that I’m the One

The Flawed

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All I feel when I look in the mirror
Is the flawed sinner 
And I see all the little points 
That someone somewhere should anoint
With a holy oil 
And the daily toil 
Doesn’t seem to leave a mark 
But my spark 
Seems to be dampened down 
By the grey that rules this town 
And I saw it at seventeen 
That if I didn’t wake this dream 
I would be ground like the grain in the wheel
And there are people who know how to feel 
But I could never abide 
In anything but raw and alive 
And fire in my bones and skin 
I’m everything when I’m with Him 
And when I’m not
It’s as though I forgot 
What I am and see
And that everything is God’s plan beyond history
Or the chasm that pulls my skin 
Until I am one with Him 
And there is no distinction or prose
To separate me from the roads 
That lead to the one place we are 
And all of us are born from a star 
Just dust that has been given breath
That we all seem to forget 
Ever passes through our lungs
And we are not gradated on rungs 
Of a ladder to the sky
There’s something within that does not die
Not now and not ever
And it has been a hopeful endeavour 
To live at peace with what is 
Sealed with a holy kiss

When We Are Lovers

.Reading time 2 minutes.
In the infinite moment of us
You walked away and the broken trust
Still slits like shards of glass
On the ground of the class
That only ever gave me a pass
In it’s hall of induction 
And some babies are born with the power of suction 
But it’s not something I think that I will do 
And it might not be me but it could be you
So go make your life 
With the girl that I call your wife
I won’t interfere
Just know it’s because I hold you dear
And I could never fulfill 
Your last testament and will 
Of a perfect fold 
My streets are paved with gold 
But I only walk them when I want exercise 
Like I only look at you when I want to see your eyes
And the disguise fall 
Oh, all this endless talking to the wall 
And you may never leave her
But I think you believe her 
When she says that I am troubled too 
But I’m just bubbled like you
Brewing like a pot on the hob
And seceded like a man on the job 
As he hammers the nail into place
I look away when I see your face
In every man I meet 
I just can’t take the heat
Though I would like to try
And I know you wanted to die 
But I couldn’t fold the paper
And I don’t hate her
I am grateful to her 
For being there for you 
When I was sailing a sea that is so blue
Telling you about the rainforest 
I did give you a promise
That I would return 
But I didn’t realise the letter burn 
In the fire with the stamp still on
I love you that’s why I’m gone

The Bullet In My Body

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There is a bullet in my body, some kind of shrapnel 
I got from the war I fought
With a boy who can’t be bought
Not with trinkets polished to gold
Not with promises of growing old 
Only the truth raises his eyes
And lets him see with no disguise
As he looks into me 
Letting part of it go free
As it struggles to get loose
What is the point that you prove
When you seek to impress
Me so you can see me undress 
In your mind 
And I ask what’s left behind 
In the water that we find 
Somewhere on the shore 
And I visit Loch Lomond and adore
The wilderness of mountains frame
When the English played their games
With the lives of their so called subjects
But I reject
Their colonial expanse
That would have killed the dance
Every human heart is party to 
And I see that freedom in you 
As you fight with me 
And you don’t know that your integrity
Is my favourite thing about ya
Did you think I doubt ya 
When you say that no means no 
And I love you but I let it go 
And trust that fate will bring us together
In this sea of highland weather 
The Celt in my bones
Won’t leave it alone 
And I just call you “one more time” 
Would it be a crime 
If I crossed your girlfriends line 
That has been drawn in the sand
And I cannot love someone else’s man 
Though I do
My soul will ever call to you 
Across the ocean between us
I think God might dream us 
When we conceive of a future we own
And do you lose if the game has been thrown? 

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The Line I Shouldn’t Cross

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The line I shouldn’t cross
Tries to tell me who’s boss
With it’s threats and warnings 
And just because it’s storming 
Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be
Is the weather messing with me 
And I hear the call of Frances deep
Behind every promise that I keep
Somewhere int he wood 
Of the lines of feeling good
As I surfed that wave
And all the people I was going to save
With my wilderness heart
And the love that God had set apart 
For you and I
But does the water die
When it slips through your fingers 
And are the bringers 
Of the other side
Really merchants of doom 
All I can say is I know when you’re in the room
Coz I feel you before I see you
But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you
As I feel the current pushing forth
Past the boundaries of no remorse
And you found a safe haven with her
And I don’t want to risk it on what we were
So I can’t be your friend
Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end
So we can take up where we left off
And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost 
Of losing what they thought to hold
So I put the letters in bold
I love you but I’m letting you go
I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know

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Is There A Girl Code?

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Is there a girl code
Because I let him into my abode
And now he won’t get the fuck out 
Even when I told him what I’m about
And that I didn’t know about you 
When I let him do what he wanted to do
As I felt the pulling thunder
In the sheets I was lying under
And I turned to meet his face
Now all I see is the disgrace
Of knowing that he was with you
The whole four years I wanted to 
Let him be
And our history 
Is tainted and blue 
And I guess it’s nothing new 
To say that men will connive 
Every minute they’re alive
But I’m bitter now
And jaded and somehow 
Only see the dark side of the grain 
As the sky pours with rain 
Down unto the glen
And amen
Is the end to every prayer
Was he ever even there 
When he whispered those words to me
Like a future planning history 
As we interlock our fingers
Now I just jump at phone ringers
Coz I don’t know what the news will be 
And tragedy
Always seem to come down the line
And you said that he was fine
But I wonder do you know him at all
Because I spent an age staring at his wall
To divinate 
And I wouldn’t want a man of mine in that state
So I offer him an olive branch or two
But he snaps back that he’s with you
So I let it fall into the flood
And hope that the result will be good
But it’s a burden
And I wonder if you heard him
When he cried on his own 
The boy I love on the golden throne 

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Conflicting Feelings

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Am I the Jolene of the story
As he implored me 
To just let him be 
And I feel a rankling in my dignity
Why would he take this story down 
As if it would destroy his town
And I have no beef with his girl 
But I had to tell him that the world 
Revolves around his sun of stars 
And I was chasing cars 
Around my head in my room 
When I was fifteen and kissed the doom 
As it met you there 
And I know you care
But I rip the page from the typewriter
Because my friend said I would have to fight her
To get to you
And it’s not something I’ve a mind to do 
I just wanted you to know
That I have not let go 

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The Forest Child

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The forest child in me 
Is longing for the rivers to let her go free
As I take refuge on the beach
That someone thought to teach 
Me was there
And I’m so grateful and I care 
About what will happen to this next generation 
Will it be beyond an education 
As I meditate
And something puts me in another state
Where I can fly
And I am not afraid to die
Into incandescent blue
Just because you 
Clutch onto fear 
Doesn’t meant that love is not near 
Ready to abide
And something in me hide
Away this secret deathless realm 
From the people who would submerge the helm
Like the girl with the degree
In deciding what to do with me 
When I confess 
That everything in that red dress
Always felt the same 
And she knows my name 
But she doesn’t get my soul 
If I told her each wave roll
Would she understand 
And I decide to forgive my man

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The Unassailable Goneness

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The unassailable goneness when you lose someone you love
And there’s no point looking for them in the sky above
Just an empty black hole, a colossal void
I withdraw into myself and people think that I’m annoyed
When I lash out at everyone (coz they don’t really care)
Then abandon the one boy who thought to dare
To breach my trenches, to traverse no man’s land
I look at him with suspicion but he offers me his hand
And it’s so delectably soft, so inconceivably frail
That I know in that moment that my defences fail
To keep out the love that is pouring through my heart
You know I tried my best, I didn’t mean for it to start
But it did and it does
And now I say that I’m in love
With a mortal form of the eternal being
I keep wiping my eyes, through the crying I am seeing 
As he turns from my gaze into his own reverie
And I contemplate the moment that God let us be
Held for a second like a ball in mid air
For once everything and the next not even there
As life pulls us apart in the guise of what we’re freeing
Now I don’t even know the landscape you are seeing
Through those precious eyes and lashes to frame
Though time and space expand I still feel the same
As I ever did, now then and before
In this world of passing things I found something I adore
Something that endures as my riverbed soul
Can’t separate the distance that it would take to roll
And crash a wave upon a shore like I know it will be
I wonder who’ll die first, will it be you or me
Because we are not vampires, we don’t get a thousand years
And I’ve been building up the pressure but the dam bursts with tears
And you’re with another woman but that is not the reason
It’s the simple fact that all things have a season
As our leaves bloom and grow then turn rusty red 
I thought of you like a hero now I think of you in bed
And all the dials turn on the sun of our day
Please don’t make it hurt when you go away

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Pillow

.Reading time 1 minute.
I feel the grey encroach upon my consciousness
And who do I address the letter 
That I could do better
And I need help to reach out of this prison cell 
Of all the people that wish me well 
And I’m just sitting in a café, what the hell 
I have to escape 
But I am right here, right now
And that’s gotta be enough somehow 
But I strain against the edge of my chains 
And I know that the rains
Will fall soon 
And the bells of doom 
Will echo ever near but ever far 
And every star 
Is born to turn into a black hole
And what will happen to my soul 
When it quakes against the edge of the limit 
I have to give up the desire to “win it” 
Because it is no good to me now 
And I hate the conflict that I allow 
To penetrate the mist 
Of the zone in which I exist 
And is it just screaming into the abyss
Throwing my prayers outwards in case there’s something that I miss 
In the soothing of an age 
I rip the page
Out of the typewriter
And search for something to ignite her 

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Third Eye Blues

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I got lost in the third eye blues 
And everything called me to pay my dues
But I didn’t have any money
Though I’m wealthy as fuck, honey
I slot the puzzle piece into the jar 
As I wonder what you are 
And the nomad in me looks for change
But it’s not the kind that rattles when you’re outta range 
It’s the kind that breaks like the sun 
Across the sky and over everyone 
And I play the perfect princess 
I know to whom I must address 
That painful moniker 
And you’ve all already met her 
Somewhere in my early teens 
When I was still staring across moonbeams 
Into the stars
I shook against the prison bars
And she had the key 
I didn’t realise that she was locking me
In there 
Or if I did I didn’t care
Because she used to make me laugh 
But when she shattered the glass she didn’t do it by half 
And I let it go, forgiveness now 
I’m good at that but some remains somehow
Like a grain of sand in the oyster shell 
I grit my teeth as I wish her well 
And I’ve lots of secrets I will never tell 
Well not to her, not now, though she rings the bell 
That signals me to come 
But, hun
I’m not Pavlov’s dog 
And in the fire there’s a log
Burning more than well enough to keep me warm 
And though you brought the storm 
I don’t hate you 
And fair play to the men who date you 
They have more steel than me 
But nothing is more real than eternity 
And it’s something that will not break
So though you shake 
Everything in sight 
I still give a shite

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I Look At My Hands

.Reading time 1 minute.
I rail against making shitty art
Because I’ve got to do it with heart 
But sometimes I’ve just got to pour the cracks and creases
With a love that never ceases 
As I flex my knuckles to breaking point 
And somewhere a baby anoint 
Into a chasm of a different making 
Am I labouring under what I’m forsaking 
The church and motherhood
Do I give both up for good 
Because I’m nearly thirty four 
And I’ve been told to make shakes or the floor 
Will drop out from under my feet
In the instance of a heartbeat
And is it just to reclaim the child within 
That I want one with him 
Though I’d never say 
Not face to face anyway 
In my hidden stance I defy 
All the parts of him that try to die
Against my will 
Does he even know what he would kill 
If he thought to take the drink and spill 
It out over the ground 
I don’t make a sound 
As the earth quakes 
But something in me breaks 
As though he’s taking a hammer to it 
And nothing, not even his wit
Can put it back together 
Are we all summer weather 
Friends
And when it all ends 
Will anything remain 
If I play this track again 

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The Litany Of Truth

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I try to block the truth from reaching me 
And all the universe is teaching me 
Has to turn into a baseball bat
Instead of the original welcome mat
He offered me love in the extreme
And though it was a part of the dream 
It had something real to it too 
And I realised I was in love with you 
But I turned away
Because what is it that people say
We are too different to make it work 
And you are bathed in the hurt
You’ve spent your whole life accumulate
And you’ve let it make you hate 
People you don’t understand 
But you’re beautiful and I love you, man 
And I know the dial will turn to spin on me 
So I let you go free
And I feel your resignation and resolution
But you know that is no solution 
So I have to intervene 
Did you hear me scream 
When my brain came apart in two 
That was life splitting me from you
And we both fragmented into an entangled particle 
And people start to call me “some article” 
But I don’t mind 
Because I have not left you behind 
You’re still in my soul 
Like the bed of truth and rock and roll 
And it doesn’t matter, come what may
I’ll sing this song to you and you’ll wake and say
I love you Laura 
And as I read your aura 
It will speak volumes of colour
And all that made you duller 
Will lift and release
And we will make that beast 
Retract into its cave
Go back into the dark so grave 
Like the boy I could not save
He became the man I crave

Commonplace Understandings

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I don’t know what we were
But I know I don’t wanna fight with her
But I feel her get my back up 
When I offer her love
And she slaps my hand 
Like the hourglass isn’t pouring sand
And all of us into the ocean 
Why are you afraid to show emotion
Is it just me 
Or is it the dragon that was set free 
Two decades ago 
And somewhere amidst the snow 
The annals of us are preserved 
I try to keep my cool but I am unnerved 
By the sheer lack of the sea 
In the meadows that lap against me 
And I can’t make it better and I can’t mend 
What she never broke but doesn’t intend
To rectify 
There is a part of us that can never die
And a part that does day by day
I wonder why she is that way
And the reason seems clear
But she doesn’t know how I hold her dear
And is it my lot to be unknown 
And only have my true colours shown 
When a stranger just walks into my days
And tells me I’m free in so many ways
And he thinks I hate him, I can hear him sigh 
But the mists move the mountains and I cry 
Out with the fear of it
But he’s alcohol and I take a sip 
And find myself head of heels 
Like I’m lost on instagram reels 
Just trying to find my source
I am not a child of divorce
But I know the fracture when the world splits 
Or the chasm that opens when death hits
You hard in the gut 
And someone you love things you’re in a rut
But I would never leave the flowerbed
Above the grave that marks your head 
So I’ll just let you know 
That I was not born to let go 

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The Poet Of The Pyrenees

.Reading time 1 minute.
I miss David more than I can explain
I look outside and it’s rain
And it was always sun when he was around
Like he gave meaning and life to sound 
And he burst colour into the scene 
As though I was alive within the dream 
And now all is dull and grey
And what is it that people say
Life is what you make it 
And love is deep so don’t forsake it 
But I don’t know how to utter your name
Without making you take the blame 
For all that we could never be
I saw you down on one knee
Proposing to me
But you laugh in my face and the indignity 
Of the moment have me cracking open 
The shell that was the kernel of hoping 
For more than just words on the page
And the silent rage
Pounds against the walls of my castle 
And I wonder is romance worth the hassle 
If it means I must go up against 
Your past and your present tense 
And maybe you’ll never know what it meant 
When you accepted the letter I sent 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/4oMjURS9w

It’s The Little Things

.Reading time 1 minute.
It’s the little things
Like wedding rings
And fire that ignite
And I hear that you like
What you see
And when the person is me
I blush and then sigh
And I don’t say goodbye
To you again
Coz I’ve made my peace with the notion of men
How you can’t show affection
Without them wanting to add you to their collection
Of dolls sitting on the wall
But that isn’t me at all
Except when I’m walking by the rows
And the feeling shows 
As I smirk 
And I didn’t think that this would work
But it does 
And the story starts because
I let you in the door
When I’m walking on the ground floor
Of the building grey
But the door unlocks when you say
Hello to me
I didn’t think that I would be
Clutching at straws at thirty three

Broken Arrows

.Reading time 1 minute.
She uses broken arrows to fire at me 
Then says that she sets me free 
But her archery is not second place
And she knows how to deface 
A wall with her spray paint eyes 
And bulletproof disguise
And we’ll never be what we were 
Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her 
And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back)
Still though your love don’t mean jack 
Not now, not anymore
And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór
But our two by two is now shattered glass 
Because you thought he just wanted ass 
And so you sought to protect
Me from being a reject
But in seeing me in the lowest terms
I set fire to the hay and it burns 
Up all the crackling grass
And she said that this too shall pass
But she’s not the one who has to live through the story 
I know she’ll just ignore me 
If I try to press my case
So I fall silent in the land gone to waste
And spill it all out onto a page
All my bubbling pain and held back rage 
When she’s in the room 
I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom 

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Echo Your Name

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I walked on the eggshells of not knowing where to look 
Should I do this one by the book 
Or throw the rules out of the window 
I know she has her eyes on him though 
As I spy her through my eyeglass
And we both agree that Darragh is class 
And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name 
But he’ll only see this when I’m way high and fame 
Has taken me to the door 
Of all the people I love but mo stór 
Let me tell you you were epic 
And I hope I didn’t wreck it
And that somewhere in your heart
You still have me on start 
And hit go every now and then 
I look up and worship as you say Amen 
To the starshot in my eyes
I almost dropped the disguise
When she asked me which guy I liked 
And my courage almost spiked 
But then I just deflect 
I think she knows though, I suspect
And it was over ten years ago 
Time passes (most people don’t know)
But something’s eternal, something’s ever there
Like the way I know you care 
As we walk the dark path into the grounds
Of the apartment complex and all the sounds
Fall to the silence of our footsteps
I cried that night into my own regret
And it was one of the first few days I started writing again 
In the end something begin 
And I went chasing after Haley’s comet
But someone else is already on it 
So I just wrote this note to say
I still think of you, okay 
Even if it’s though the moonbeams 
And the dresses that are ripped at the seams 
Because they took their cutting scissors to them
Still, I wish I could play you again 

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Childhood Haunts

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There are childhood haunts 
They rise up and grip 
And I am myself when I let the mask slip 
Like Keyz and I playing Freespace
And all the years that went to waste 
Just soaking in the sun 
When I met the man I love I run 
And I don’t know why that is 
Because I’ve always been his 
And if I could only explain to her
What we were 
I think she could understand 
It wasn’t like I had anything planned
I just know what soul speaks 
And I count the years, months and weeks 
Since we’ve last talked
Since you walked 
And the demons sat on the edge of my consciousness 
The doctor said I was “in distress”
But he doesn’t know jack 
And I want my freedom back 
The freedom to feel, to wreak havoc or hell
Without people telling me I’m unwell 
As they submerge what’s only tide
And try to kill what is alive
In me
But I’ll always be 
This girl of colour and plunging dark 
It’s from the night where rises the spark 
And it visits me again and again 
One day it’s a bird, next it’s men 
And then 
I realise I won’t settle 
Thorny as a rose and stinging like a nettle 
But somehow singing like a kettle 
When you put me on boil 
Or is that just what it is to be a Coyle 

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Metaphysical

.Reading time less than 1 minute.

Thank you to whoever bought Metaphysical! If you are on here drop me a comment and let me know what you thought of it – good or bad.

It means so much to me that you guys read my work and enjoy it. That there are actually physical copies going into the hands of people around the world, whether they be my friends and family, or strangers I’ve met through the internet really fills me with appreciation.

So, thank you again ❤️❤️❤️

Oh, and didn’t miss the 11.11 💫

Surrender

.Reading time 1 minute.
I like an iced drink on the rocks
Like I used to like Seapoint and the playing slots
Because my grandmother created a memory with me 
As we bet on 5p 
To reveal the mystery 
And she had lost my grandfather to history 
But she did not stay long 
Is it wrong 
To see the poetic madness in following the one you love
To the grave or to above
If that’s how you see it 
And something tells me I’ve got to just be it
And he’s miles away from me 
But I don’t want him to see
He’s always been the one my soul chooses
And everything is just weight that he loses 
As he untethers his pain 
And something brings us together again 
I’m making this masterpiece so that you 
Might know who I’m talking to 
When I follow the fuse
To the one I always choose 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/4e013Sxtt

The Fawn

.Reading time 1 minute.
The fawn is always yawning out her insides
I swear you could set your clock by the way that she abides
By the steady midnight tock 
Of the stories that she keeps on lock 
And I’ve decided to just drop out of her sphere
Because chains, bells and whistles when she is near
And she never listens and she never hears
She is the iceberg as my ship steers
Unto it’s own direction 
And it’s as if love is just a selection 
That we make 
I know you call the boys and girls fake
When they do not measure up 
To the talisman of our love
And I keep it held in my heart
But you wouldn’t know if you tear it apart
Just to find out what is there
It’s like asking a brain to care
After a person is dead
What is it that you said 
You don’t have time 
That might have been a good line 
If it had been true
But, man, I just don’t believe you
Not when you’re rocking back and forth 
On the chair on our porch
When we’re both eighty two 
No Bambi can take me away from you

Image Credit: https://pin.it/1LUTpAaF1

The Old Dark Machine

.Reading time 1 minute.
The old dark machine pulls and it shakes
It shudders when the earth quakes 
Entertaining no form of rain 
Though the ground is wet in vain 
And no grass grows up to meet
The pavement that they call a street 
And somehow I see it in her eyes
The part of her that dies 
Every time the house is empty 
And I was just a girl of twenty 
When I realised
That everybody dies 
Slowly but not all the same 
Some are not even given a name 
As in their mother’s womb they lie
And she in grief because they try and try
For so long to bequeath a child 
Now all they’re left with is the wild 
Of the Burren sparse and grey
Though beauty in its own way
Will rise up through the crevice crack 
From a life they can’t get back 
As they grasp and struggle and refrain 
I didn’t know that I could forgive the pain 

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/6mfiwqdkb

Love And Its Consequence

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Is to be mother just to gain an experience 
Nothing to do with the child 
But a biological urging that has run wild 
And we’re watching little ones bleed to death
On a screen but we forget 
As we bring new babies to this earth
That they are capable of feeling hurt
And I am reminded of a promise I made
Before the sun put me in the shade
That I would never fall to the fallow field
That only knows how to yield 
To a power greater than it
Fertile ground that only ever sit 
In the seed to germinate 
So he asks the girl on a date
And it may be for the masses, it isn’t for me
But I love them so much and they do not see 
As the mattress bows and the bodies writhe 
But they’re ashamed and so they hide 
Their lovemaking under the covers
Because they should never be lovers
According to modern society 
You must do it in the dark or someone will see 
And you’ll go to hell (or something like that)
But I took the baseball bat
And smashed that particular window
Because I don’t believe it’s a sin, though
There is shame and there is expense 
When you do it outside the present tense 
And I may be tantric and I may be yogi 
But I don’t walk with someone that doesn’t know me 
In the depths, not surface tension 
And the only way to make an extension 
Is to know just who you are
But when I saw that boy I saw the star
Burning in his heart and soul 
I was just eighteen years old 
And he six months my junior 
But still 1990 so acceptable sooner 
Than I would have liked
And my courage spiked
As we sat next to each other 
As though the apple had fallen into the hands of a lover 
And we both took a bite 
But it is alright 
Fifteen and a half years later
Though there is a crater
Left by that meteor strike 
I just thought you should know I like 
You in that way
Though what is it that you say 
You don’t got time 
Well, here I have plenty, take some of mine

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The Ancient War

.Reading time 3 minutes.
There’s a dead in her eyes
That nothing can disguise 
But it always lit up when she looked at me
Didn’t think that I would ever be
The reason why the curtains close
As she follows me down the road
To nowhereland
And it’s all sand 
That just gathers at my feet
An hourglass when we meet
Somewhere in between
And if it’s all a dream 
Then why are we crying 
Over the people that are dying 
Left right and centre
And so I enter 
The hallowed halls
Of the people who can walk through walls 
And the longing calls
Me to let go of the line
That had me doing hard time
In a crater not of my making 
And all the people that I’m forsaking 
When I take that pill 
And it will kill
If I keep on keeping on 
So I have to get gone 
And on the road
Her carriage slowed
Just to take a look at me
And she never sees the free 
I’ve come to be 
Only ever the apparent chains 
The sunlight reflects upon when it rains
And who gains
When everything is lost
Don’t we all just pay the cost
For the brutal tide
That means we are alive
Because we can feel 
Everything that’s real 
And vital and true 
And just because the colour blue 
Is sad and lonely
Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me 
Anytime you want 
I change the font
To match my mood
Meanwhile you just sit and brood
Over a perceived slight 
But you are alright
Aren’t you, aren’t you
I daren’t ask lest it be true 
That the fields are green far past the slide
Of what it means to be alive
And they click go on the PowerPoint 
And I never want to leave the oint-
Ment powder red 
What goes on inside a person’s head
Is the least of what they are 
I look up and see that star 
Shining over my crucifixion 
My errant ways and my eviction 
From the stable then 
I just don’t want to go through that again 
Not for even the best of men 
So I take what they offer 
And the coffer
Is full 
But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool 
They use to mask 
Everything they cannot ask 
Me now the ship has sailed 
The chain linked fence and I impaled 
Over the least of crimes
My only solace in these rhymes
That never lead to the sea
What is it that you are asking of me 
Once more, arís
Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast
But she wasn’t invited 
And so the war ignited 
The gunpowder flame 
That only ever lands upon a name  

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Ancient Troubles

.Reading time 2 minutes.
There’s a man that sings about a drugs binge he’s been on 
Like how he’s been helluva gone 
And I can’t help but empathise 
Because there’s a kind of high that never dies
Even when you kill it with starvation
Or waiting for a boy at a train station 
That only comes once in a blue moon
He rocks the atmosphere when he’s in the room 
And I just let it be
Because I am free
Of all he tries to contain 
If he was a cloud he would rain 
All over my parade
If I am the sun then he is the shade
Of the tree my grandfather made for me
He placed a swing on a branch and us three 
Share something that will never pass
I don’t care if you think it won’t last
My heart is as solid as serene 
As anything is beyond the dream 
And everyone is someone’s child 
And every woman somewhere is wild 
In her heart and soul 
Even if she pays the toll
As she passes through the joint 
As if she’ll gain an extra point 
For due diligence and deference
I gave Deirdre a second chance
But I may as well have talked to the wind
Coz she is fixated on how she has sinned
And aims to take me with her 
And I get a little bitter
In the years that pass
Under the realm of the crass
And the key to my soul won’t speak to me 
I wonder if I’m just letting her be free
Or if I’m resigned to the fate
Of looking for some guy to date
So that I might be whole
Coz I left her with my soul 
And she is the keeper of that part
In the greater region of my heart
As it beats red and true
Pumping oxygen for all of you 

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Simple As That

.Reading time 1 minute.
Meeting Joe Black was the end of my life
The birth of the Son and the last of the wife
That had ever been in my veins
I dried my eyes on sleeves that are tear stained 
And he looked so soft and serene 
Til he tore through my dream 
With a knife and an attitude 
Coz he was a really cool dude 
And he had a point to prove
He could never lose 
To a girl 
Coz the world 
Only ever appreciates 
A woman for who she dates 
And she’s chosen you
And now you don’t know what to do 
So you just set a fire
And I tire
Of this leadránach 
So I leave you for the shock
Of your life 
I won’t say it twice
As I give you every chance
To ask me to the dance
And when you don’t 
Well I won’t 
Stick around
To be the sound
You love to hear
But only when no one else is near 
And you can hide
Behind the facade you hate inside 
Because all you ever do 
Is hop scotch between the lines that you want to 
Really cross
But all is not lost 
Maybe someday your light
Will meet it’s own Jean White

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Intriguing Blues

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I want him so bad that it literally hurts
And as time’s going on it’s only getting worse
As he comes and goes, close then far
Says he’s born from the farthest star
And I hold out
Coz I’ve got that doubt
Is he the man I want to marry
Does he see me as an equal or just someone to carry
His child somewhere in the future 
And I had a wound but he was the suture 
That tied it up and kept it in 
Healed my soul with that irreverent grin 
And his eyes dart to and fro
I wonder where his mind would go 
If he could read mine
I know I shine
And I’m a gem in the dark 
It’s just you sorta hit the mark 
Right on the head
And I know you want me in your bed
As you tell me lies
Think I buy the disguise
You’re selling with the full of your heart
Is it just because you want a part 
Of me for your own 
To impress upon me what could be known 
With your help 
And is there anyone else 
In this whole scene 
That could wake me, then take me from the dream 
And you’re shy in a certain way
Not in the usual bashful sway
But in a kind of sensitivity 
When you tell the truth and then look at me 
As though I would judge and turn you out 
But instead I want to kiss your mouth 
Coz this is more than intimacy 
When I trust in what you’re saying to me
And it didn’t break 
It’s just I wake 
From a slumber that was self induced
Startled by what you produced
In your ardent soul 
Do you think we could make our parts whole
If we just dropped the pretence
I think that my defence
Is the thing that separates
Me from men I’d love to date
And that barrier 
Between what we were 
Fell right on through 
And even though I seem distant from you 
Nothing’s changed
I love guys that are sort of strange

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Mo Stór

.Reading time 1 minute.
We watch it unfold before our eyes
Another day, another Palestinian dies 
And their culture is erased like it has no meaning
And the people are not dreaming
Because it’s no nightmare
But a reality that would scare 
The most stoic into submission
I don’t need anyone’s permission
To say what I feel to be true
The end of the genocide starts with you
And I, as we raise a voice to lift the blockade
So that the only shade
The children know is that of a tree
Palestine is forever free
No matter the walls and doors
Checkpoints and bombed out floors
But a spirit nothing can kill
If I know anything it’s that Love never will
Ever be defeated
And my courage has not retreated 
Far enough that I will not say
I can see another way
For the tide to beat the shore 
You are not alone, mo stór

The Band Of Our Lives

.Reading time 4 minutes.
One avenue
I remember you had a sly eye
And I toyed with the idea
Of you being my guy
And you were sweet
And gave me strength
I don’t remember 
Where the self consciousness went
As you look at me
I can see the stars
Cave
Like all my prison bars
And I wonder where you be
And how you are
Remember the night
I picked you up in my car
And you looked so jazzed
And I felt so fly
I’m in love
And I don’t know why
And you stared in my eyes
When I dropped you off
I hope we’re still friends
And all is not lost
And I wonder if I could 
Kick back with you
I dunno if you
Still want me to
That I could be your Jess
Is this too cringey
You bought me a drink
Was I too stingy 
With my affection
As we open our hearts
There was no ending
So the magic starts
And the years roll by
Like a filofax
And you told me
To relax 
As I worried 
A frayed line of thread
Leave me thinking 
Of you instead
And I wonder what 
You would say if you
Knew all
That I’ve been through
Would it mar the image
You seem to have of me
You always seem to
Just give it to me free
As we laugh
The bursting joy
Saw you turn 
Man from a boy
And I always clicked
So you would know that I
Hold you close
Somewhere that can never die
And I wonder if you
Have a woman now
And if there’s still
Space for me somehow
Coz I want you to know
It’s more than a crush
And I know it’s been a decade
But we don’t have to rush
Just find our way
What do you say
Could we vibe
Like back in the day
And if I look to you
Would you look away
Coz I really 
Want you to stay
And make a fortress
That can’t be stormed
Keep a place
So the bed is warmed
As I hold your arm
And we kiss
I should be glad
You gave me something to miss
In your forest pure
And your deep brown eyes
You kind of know my heart
And it’s no surprise
That you had it all
Planned out in your mind
And I didn’t mean
To leave you behind
It’s just days were dark
And I scared myself
With the storms in
A teacup I spilt as I knelt
And you were so casual
And so on fire
You took my hand
And lifted me higher
And I haven’t forgotten
The good you do
I just don’t know
What to say to you
Coz I love you with
The full of my heart
And I want to close
The gap that keeps us apart
And I’d call your name
Across the expanse
If I thought that you
Would be down to dance
And kiss like you
Are still in the club
You have all I am
In your arms, love
And I’d love 
To be your equal
If I’ve written a history
Would you be the sequel 
To a place 
Where all is calm
Is our distance 
Just a false alarm
That can be quieted
By your soothing breath
You’ve gotta know
It’s not over yet
And I hold you
In a place so dear
No matter the clouds
The sky is clear

The Castle

.Reading time 1 minute.
I can’t make you here now 
I can only allow 
Life to make its way to me 
And set you free
From the shackles you chain
Around yourself like acid rain 
That just burns its way through
And if there’s anything we can do 
It’s to hold the might 
Of the fuel for our fancy in the candlelight
As everyone tries to blow it out 
And my mouth 
Reaches to you
So I could breathe my love into 
The lungs that you use 
To abuse
The air that turns into words
Because they all go unheard
By the great weight of swim 
I don’t know why I liked him 
I just did and it gripped hold of my soul 
My sister says I should just roll
In the sea for a century 
And turn into what she’s made of me
All sticks and stones
And brittle bones
She loves to break 
And I should forsake 
My soul for proprietary
But my heart just won’t let me 
It bashes me up against the wall
Then throws me over a waterfall
Til I’m all worn out and in confusion 
My brain is heavy with all the bruising 
It has taken 
And then I waken 
And look up into his eyes
And know a love that never dies
Again 
I thought I had given up on men

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The Pulling Pain

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I try not to feel it
Will time heal it 
If I just let it burn 
But the world just turn
And they grasp my arms
Tell me they’re keeping me safe from harm 
And I feel the burning within 
It all came from him
As I can barely hold on 
To what is long gone 
And who I am craves for his flesh
The terror to think he might regret
Ever knowing me 
I cry on the phone, the tears are flowing from me 
As he grits his teeth and his tongue clicks 
And one of his best friends says he can be a dick 
And I just think of that Taylor Swift song
What if I was wrong 
And you never loved anything 
And the ring 
I thought I would wear
Is just part of the dress that would tear
As she wears it down the aisle
And I watch you smile 
Right into the face of your demise
But there’s death in your eyes
And it’s something I cannot avoid
It’s not like just loving one of the boys
It brings me to the brink of surrender
And a day that you “barely remember”
And I wonder if the gaslit anthem plays
Or if there’s any truth in what he says 
When he says that I am beyond the pale
Is it just that I am not up for sale 
That gets under his skin 
And he was flush with the cash but I wanted him 
Not the dollars he owes 
To the person whose garden he sows
With seeds aplenty 
But I look at him and his face is empty
Devoid of all emotion 
And the commotion 
Gets too loud 
So I let the borrowed fools crowd
Around me and operate 
On the person who just wants a date 
Sometime in April, coz it’s just the right air 
It would be great if you could meet me there 
If she lets you slip away
Out of her grasp and the break of day
Sounds a new dawn 
If you look to me you will see what was never gone 
Only unobserved
I gave you my word 

Image Credit: https://pin.it/1nGHh2lLZ

Manifesting Andy

.Reading time 1 minute.
Manifesting Andy, I try to look the other way
And pretend I cannot say 
What is the fire inside of me 
Is there another way for me to be 
And it caused me physical pain
When I first heard your name 
It was when I was carted off to the mental 
So much more than words in central 
Dublin and they said I needed to be there
As ambivalent as a girl without a care
When she was interrupted 
And have we fucked it 
Up
In the name of love
And it all comes around to the scene 
The way that it could wake my dreams 
The loins that long
The moment you belong 
When you’re with someone 
And you can see your son
And daughter running around 
And they’re not even born and you hear the sound
Of their peeling bells of laughter 
Just like their father 
As you sit by his side
How do I hide
I have the whole future planned out
And I’m afraid my doubt 
Will kill what we are
We may have all been forged within a star 
But we are black hole bound 
I know oblivion when I hear the sound 
Of your mystery ring 
Would you give me one if I gave you everything
And you just sigh and look away
So I leave it for another day

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Handing Out Tokens

.Reading time 2 minutes.
He makes me feel brand new
And I’m not thinking of him when I’m talking to you
And I don’t know who I wrote this about
But no longer mired in self doubt
I listen to the angels that speak their tome
Into my brain when I’m all alone
And I told the psychiatrist that I hear voices
It’s not like he gave me many choices
It’s psychosis or on the brink 
Of letting the whole thing sink 
And so I drink the potion he’s dying to sell
And all the people they call unwell
And I know it’s nicer than crazy
And it doesn’t faze me 
It just feels clinical and watered down 
And when you want to drown 
Telling people that the sea
Is rising up to meet me 
In the great valley I am 
And someone mentions a care plan 
That I refuse to read
They take my blood and I bleed
Out into several jars
And I wonder if the stars 
Had this in mind
When they told me I would not be left behind
By the might of weighted thunder
Some people say I’m just a number 
And don’t know what to do 
But do you want to rock it with us, do you
And I lose the rag
And the man tries to brag
But it falls flat
As I wonder what the hell is he at
I realise only too late
He was trying to impress me into a date
Or a roll in the sheets
Was it predestined that we meet
Or was it organised
And something within never dies
No matter what they put you through
Telling you it’s for the good too 
As they lie to your face
But they lie to themselves too and it’s a waste
As the Barbie dream house claims one more doll 
Was I wrong to answer the call? 

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Back To My Old Place

.Reading time 1 minute.
It wouldn’t be Dublin if I wasn’t late 
And somewhere under the covers is a man I’d like to date 
And I think of him as I sit in this sojourn 
Do I always have to mourn
It’s been ten years since we talked
A decade since I walked 
My boots down the road
And everything slowed
Down, how do I get away
I cover my ears so I don’t hear what you say
Because you tell me that it’s over, over the hill 
And I know that you would kill
Just to feel alive
But somewhere in the dive
You found the water you wanted
You tell me and I can’t say that I amn’t daunted
By the weight of your magnitudinous pain 
And I just stand out in the rain 
So I can feel it on my skin 
But I never felt him 
Move with the beat
Touched his face when we’re feet to feet
And somewhere in a daydream, diamond true 
I think that I found you 
For a reason 
And for a season 
That lasted three hours long
I was the ocean in which you drown

The Silent Whisper Of Grace

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I thought God could only ever be found
In the complete absence of sound 
In the silence that descends 
On my room as the riverbends
From lavender to primrose and flame 
And I wake up from my name 
And it all seems so perfect, true
Til I met you
And it all cascaded down
You wanted to run my town 
So you could have a girl in the wings
And, my, you love the way she sings 
But you don’t understand her
And you demand her
To be as you would please
Up on her tiptoes or down on her knees
But neither one will ever be me
So I let you go free
Though I love you with all of my heart
I won’t make pain just to make art
Or love
Or fit like a glove
Into a biological cog
I dream of a fire burning a log
While we lie on the rug before it
And you know I would adore it
A blanket made just for two 
But it never was me and you
We spit fire into each other’s veins
And in the aftermath cleaned up the bloodstains
On the carpet where we fought
It was in darkness that the ring was wrought 
And cascaded into eternity
You asked me to burn with thee 
But I let go that crime 
And am absorbed into the sublime 
And even if they don’t get me here 
It doesn’t mean I’ll run to you dear 
If you make a fool of me 
When I just wanted life school and mystery 
To encompass all we were
I dropped the glass when I saw her
And it broke and shattered on the floor
You don’t even hide that you adore
Another pair of eyes
And my trust in you dies 
Slowly but surely in the awe 
That you could begin the Great Thaw

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Lives And Weather

.Reading time 1 minute.
The life I’ve always wanted receded into the distance
And when I reached for it I only felt resistance 
As I confessed my secret heart
He took his wound and tore me apart 
And with tears in his eyes
He ripped into my disguise
Til I stand with paper hands
And look at the sands
Slipping through the cracks
I know we can’t go back
From this
I though you might kiss
Me when you found out the truth
Like I know you wanted to in our youth
And I put you off
And you splutter and cough
And tell me you have no time
For what I found in the diamond mine
And soldered to a band of gold for you
In a past life I was the one to
Go down on one knee
Reversed genders, same eternity
And I propose a solution to the problem
Because together, all of the troubles, we’d solve them
And you’ve found another partner
And it would hearten her
If she knew how you talked behind her back
And the girls that you attack
In her name
I don’t mean to lay the blame
But is it just gonna be the same
As it was two hundred years ago
With your blonde hair and the way you kissed me slow

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The Sadness That Winds Me

.Reading time 1 minute.
The grief crumples me like a deck of cards
And no one knows how hard
It got in the midst of the night
And I contemplated the death of the light
Coz everywhere I looked it was black
And the dealer stack
Everything against me 
My best friend resents me
And that person that wants to take me down
Looks like she runs this town
As she commands the sea
And turns the whole tide upon me
And as it rushes and consumes 
Something pulls me from those rooms
Into a place I’ve never been
But somehow had already seen
Maybe in a dream or through a past life
And every man looks for a wife
When he reaches a certain age
I just reach for the page
Because the immortal hue
Has stopped shining from you
It’s like you buried it somewhere
When you say that I just don’t care
And it’s impossible to get through to you
So I say goodbye too
As you hang up the phone
Could you just leave me alone?

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In The Land Where Death Is Real

.Reading time 3 minutes.
In the land where death is real
People lie and people steal 
People cheat and people thieve 
But it’s all coz they believe
In a sudden end and in separation
It is reinforced by years of education
Not only in the school
But by social rule 
Where they must obey
Everything their elders say
Only to grow up to be
A repetition endlessly
Instead of creative and new
And everything they swore they would do
When they were five years old 
No one has to be told
To be pilot, to be king
To be bird upon the wing
But you have to be sold 
On being bad, on being “bold” 
And every child knows
The phrase that everything goes 
The way it should be 
I love eternity
As it presents myself 
Amidst “mental health” 
Challenges, they say I’m crazy
But you know it doesn’t phase me 
When I’m twenty eight and in Dean Swift
But the captivity was a gift 
As they try to sit me down 
And say that I will drown 
In all that is unwell
It’s a byword for hell
But I just don’t buy
Everything they try
To sell 
It’s a secret I never tell
But I’m soaring high
Something can never die
And I will go to the lowest low
If it means that someone else’s dreams
Will wake before they shake 
By the bones and skin
It’s not foolhardy to trust in Him 
He who moves the sky into spacious understanding 
He who shows the way without ever demanding 
That you should follow suit 
Oh, the world that we pollute 
With our constant pain
That falls as acid rain 
Or bombs upon the children 
Instead of heartfulness to fill them 
With hope and with pride
And gratitude that they’re alive
I’m sorry to say
That going the wrong way
Means you must repent 
And all things are heaven sent 
Until you realise 
That every time someone cries 
It’s an echo of the sound 
That means God is around 
To show you where the deep 
Is something you can keep 
I didn’t know that I 
Was blessed until my
Whole world was shaken 
But just like in a dream I waken 
And suddenly realise 
That nobody dies
Not in the way we think 
But you don’t know water until you drink 
From that holy font
It is everything I want
And everything I never knew to ask 
I just dropped the mask 
And all was revealed
I guess you could say that I was healed

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Indeed, By The Sink

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I dreamed about you last night
You were as fragile as a butterfly
And it was like in real life
I just had to watch you die 
And yet you do not leave me here
You kiss me like you always did, dear 
On my forehead or on my cheek 
And when I used to feel weak 
I would run to your side
I would hide 
And then let you find me 
And you didn’t mind me 
Being a little bit strange
And all the peace rearrange
To atoms that say that you are gone 
But your song
Will have life as long as I am breathing 
You were always something I was needing 
As I would lie into you
And at fifteen I watched you
Washing the dishes at the sink 
And all I could do was think 
Of what would happen the day you died 
If I would break like waves of tears I cried 
And I insulated myself 
Under the veil of mental health
Because I can’t shatter again
And there are legions of men 
Who would take my hand 
And make me “understand”
What true love means
But it’s insubstantial as the stuff of dreams 
And you are wholly really
And even though you’ve left I still feel 
You in my veins and blood
Like when I was lying in the wood
And I felt the soul of the trees
Kiss me when I’m on my knees
And I know that your prayers save me 
Even when I cave, we 
Will always be a two by two 
And it’s not up to someone forgetting you 
It’s something that you always are
You are not on some far distant star
You are in my heart
And in this instant we are not apart 

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Emotionality

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I get slated for being emotional and sincere
There was that time I told you I hold you dear
And you attacked and ripped my hands
Away from your paper thin heart and the sands
Flow out of your hourglass
As you try to make a thing last
That never will 
Because time will kill
The bodies that you preserve
And the girl that you serve
Must one day kiss you for the last time
And my only crime 
Was knowing there will come a day
When one or the other of us will go away
And I can’t speak forever when I see the horizon
And I don’t know what you have your eyes on
As you stare into space
Meanwhile I just stare at your face
Looking at the grass
And time will pass
But something stays the same 
There is a love that will not lay the blame 
Not even when your dripping venom
Tries to make an enemy 
Of me
Then return to eternity
Where it can fester its wound 
I saw it all and the doom 
Ate me up from the middle 
And the best part of me may be hidden
But you can find it if you look 
You don’t have to do anything by the book 
You swear by
And I hear you cry 
In my dreams
How does a man come apart at the seams 
When you just tell him the truth
That you idolise our youth
And that time will also be the proof
Of what cannot be destroyed
We are not just girls and boys
We are immortal souls
Water though the wave rolls
And breaks onto the land 
I wonder if I take your hand 
Would you be a friend 
Coz true love will never end 

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The Tears That Flow

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The tears that flow
It’s been nearly twenty years since you let go
And people tell me to move on
But how do I ignore the space where you’re gone
A beacon of love and trust
And I know they just aren’t fussed
Coz to lose a grandmother is par for the course
Something common, like weddings and divorce
But no one told me what it would be like to have you ripped
From the fortress I had equipped 
With everything I had
So nothing bad 
Could happen 
And you were just napping
In the kitchen when Rocky lay down by the settee 
And I had had fourteen years when you showered love on me 
And I know I am closer to the grave
Than the point that could save 
You from the monsters that eat your soul 
But somehow I know that Jesus made you whole 
And the cancer spreads
I’m crying in bed
But there’s nothing I can do 
I can’t heal you
At least not yet 
But there’s something I will never forget
Like when you told me good things come to those who wait
And I trudge through the hate
Coz I know your advice is true
And there was wisdom that had its home in you
And you made rhubarb tart for us all
I take a place by the wall
But you wink at me 
And save the biggest piece and for free
You offer me the whole damn world
I’ll always be your girl 

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The Ocean That Sees

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Her heart shatters like glass
Like images of our past
When I am eighteen years old
Listening to the stories they’ve told
And it’s “Brothers and Sisters” on the screen 
As I try to hold onto all I had been 
All this time 
But it breaks apart everything that’s mine
And I found I couldn’t speak 
I thought it was coz I was weak 
And depressed and schizophrenic 
They told me the car just needs a mechanic 
And she gets out a wrench 
And that year I wasn’t on the bench
I was the captain of the team 
When we won on the field of dreams 
And I wrote out the speech I would make to the girls 
Before we would live like we were each other’s world 
And my sister told me not to over think it 
But we won the cup and now we drink it 
Every single time the water flows
There is something that never goes
And I’m sure they think I don’t care
Because I walked out of there
But it was just because I saw
The way that the law
Could be bent in our favour 
And I am nobody’s saviour 
But I will let the light flow through me
Like I did in the years when time was free
And we wore yellow and blue 
I don’t know if you know that you 
Mean so much to me 
Spanish for beautiful and infinity 

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