The Suspense Novel

I feel the fear pulse inside
Oh, the terror of being alive
And I try to talk with my anxiety
It seems it’s getting the best of me
As I shiver and shake
Then the earth quake
Bringing monuments to the ground
With a tremulous sound
But the peace knows how to ache
Until I love it for its own sake
And the reason why seems to elude me
It’s like it has to prove me
Wrong or right
But I can’t sleep at night
For thinking of him
And the heart has to win
No matter how it seems to be
Could it mean the world to me
Swimming in oceans in between
And if this is just a dream
Then why does it hurt so much
And maybe I’m out of luck
To be adverse with an advanced decider
I never thought you would hide her
Away from seeing eyes
To be the moment love despise
In a sudden realization
I flip the switch and change the station
To get my mind off of you
But it only makes me want to
Clasp your hand in mine
And I’ve been alone all this time
Coz I can’t bear to think of another fella
I’ve never been the type to call you yella
But why did you not tell me how you feel
Why did you try to cut a deal
And hold it tight with skin and bone
But you look like I could make a home
With you where we were
And I don’t know what for
But I feel the need to profess
Everything I wouldn’t confess
Way back when
Could you ask me that question again?

The Calm Amid The Storm

There’s a blizzard brewing
There’s a storm atremble
And things are beyond
What they used to resemble
As the new earth is birthed
Into consciousness
Don’t go saying
It doesn’t exist
Just close your eyes
And feel the breeze
Forgiving you
Get up off your knees
And stand firm
Stand strong, stand true
As the winds are howling
All around you
Make your stance
On a solid foundation
It’s a peaceful sort of
Education
As you trust the silence
To ever be
Whispering words
Of eternity
In the midnight, in the dawn
At the close of day
I just have this feeling
That it’s all okay
That we’re being taken care of
No matter what it seems
Don’t trust in the
Thin fabric of dreams
But on the rock
Where you plant your foot
Let the rain wash away
What you’re afraid of

The Wisdom of Non-Attachment

Do I have to let it all go
Everything, everyone
To radiate the light
Of the Son
And I've always loved Jesus
He is my defender
He's been there since
Before I can remember
And he picked me up 
When the going got tough
Was the dry land
When the seas got rough
And I've changed so deeply
And in so many ways
But I'm still the same
Or so He says
And love is not antithetical 
To devotion
When it is ardent and true
And not all commotion
And he has placed a man
At the forefront of my gaze
That I can share life with
For the rest of my days
And do I refuse
Do I turn him down
This ocean is not
A place I want to drown

Echoes

I’ve never really understood the term fun
I’ve always been searching for the mythical one
But that’s just a delusion of consciousness
Rather than what prompts me to a state of undress
And I know you bleed red at the edge of your eyes
As I’m pierced by the lance of your previous lies
As you bullet your rocket ship on its course
I can’t sacrifice to ease your remorse
When you left me on the landing and you didn’t care
But took away what once held me there
In vines and twines that could never be rope
But you gave me cause to begin to hope
As I watched the deflections you moved with your stare
Until you saw me catch you and laid it all bare
In an intimacy for which I was not prepared
I’m sorry if I came off a little scared
But the truth is I loved you beyond reproach
And I can’t take it back though they still coach
Me to say things the absence of which
Brings to the fore a doubt that will itch
As their minds run amok amid the scene
Of the decimation that I have been
Points them to decry me to swear off
The cause of what shattered my loss
But I cannot sigh enough tears to mean
That I don’t see the royalty of the king and queen
That we once were and ever are
You are my compass and I your North Star
In the echoes of a landscape we have left behind
Yes you broke me down but I don’t mind
For just one glimpse of your visage
Is worth saying goodbye to all I ever had

Love, X

Don’t call me a crazy female just cause I sing the blues
I’m entitled to my feeling as you are to your truth
And all your words and actions just do not negate
The fact that I love you interspersed with the hate
And though I may be wild and inconvenient to host
You don’t have to treat me as if I am a ghost
As you look straight through as though you never saw me there
I know you have a heart so don’t pretend you do not care
And relegate my cause to the long lost ceaseless pile
Just cause I stood in your shoes but declined to walk a mile
I am not the stereotype of an ex who just won’t let go
That is a little sexist though I won’t claim to know 
Why you always had a disdain for the other half
So you tried to make them smile, you tried to make them laugh
You tried to make them fall so they could not right themselves
And when you were done you left them on the shelf
To waste and wear away until they were nothing at all
Though I had to say I enjoyed my free fall
Down into the darkness, the emptiness of the void
I won’t pretend you’re the cause of what makes me annoyed
That you did not reach out when I was hanging on that cliff
And I just keep on going and back and saying what if
But all explainations fail and considerations die
When I look into the pupil in the centre of your eye
And find myself adrift like so many years ago
When you met me as a girl, the girl you say you do not know
And yes it hit the mark, did it hurt to deny
That we collided interscope, say the truth now, do not lie
That we once in a lifetimed upon the green grass
As you stood and stared at me and what I thought to ask
Such a preposterous question and so handsomely obvious
That you were the decider and where I placed my trust
But years have gone by and I have not seen your face
You never were the hero that rode out to lay waste
You just sat inside and cried about love long gone
You didn’t care about the someone that you kept on
You didn’t care about the promises you made to me that day
About how you looked me in the face and did not go away
And how I waited on your figure to statue all my dreams
But that was just the prelude to my long lasting private screams
That I howled in the night time on my bedroom floor
In a city far away behind a closed door
And I clutched at my insides cause I felt them coming out
And tried my best to keep silent cause I did not want to shout
About the enemies who had closed in on my life
And decided in that cage that I didn’t get another light
And subtle was the meaning and subtle was the voice
It was many years before I saw there was a choice
That there was another way, a way out of the pain
And just because you’re under clouds doesn’t mean you feel the rain
So here I stand before you and I repeat what’s ever true
That though my body will die I am not leaving you
And I will descend to the very depths
If that’s what it takes to pull you up those steps
To walk you to the door though you in the end refuse
And I’m left to perish slowly from the burning of a fuse
And there the gates of heaven lie meaningless without
Someone to hold my hand, the one it’s all about
So what do you expect, me to just go away
Again in all the cyanide where the demonds hold sway
But I stand here defiant and here I will roar
That I love you in the vacancy of a foreign shore
And I may never realise the place whereon I stand
But it was a miracle that I got to touch your hand
And hold you so close for a moment and for all
I think I was mistaken, there was never a wall
I just hit my own pride and held back what I knew
And now the time has come to pay you your due
In coins or in gold, I know you hold them in contempt
And I’ll always be the one that you resent
But here I pledge my life for yours and forever
I will seal it in blood to ensure my endeavour
And I will stand guard at the edges to soften the blow
Of the searing scars you don’t want to show
To hold and to comfort and to see you see your might
I knew that in that moment and I know now you’re alright
Whatever you say and the play you do cascade
I can see that you tremble, that you shake, that you’re afraid
And know I will not hurt you and my alliegence is true
All is nothing to me honey and there is only you
So to hell with all the anger and the sorcery
I am here to tell you now that it’s possible to be free
And just to breathe in air when you think that you are done
And when you’ve lost it all you see that you have won
And ever could forgive the place where you fell
It wasn’t only you, it was me aswell