Tag: Depth

Lightly Sedated

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They paved a path and told me to walk
I tried to speak up, they said it’s all talk
As I contradict 
The line they’re running with
Could you spare a minute doctor dear
I wanna make something clear
I am moved by the immutable force
Like a river by nature just follows the course
That sends it from spring to the sea
Well, so it is with me
As I feel the flow
You tell me not to let go
But I’m not holding on
The thing you look for is long gone
And the clambering rock on the cliff that I scale
Is not enough to make my courage fail
Because I’m brilliant red and Griffindor
You’re looking for less but I’ve got more
Than you ever could contain
Within the concept of rain
Must I say it to you again
As I slouch around the hall
I’m fuckin’ bored, will you pass me the ball
So I can shoot it in the net
Remind you that I don’t forget
The lines you litter with your feet
I never spoke about the monumental meet
I had with a guy so sweet
It’s cooking time and the heat
Is too much for me to stand
I look at him and he takes my hand
And holds it close to his face
A beauty that I can’t erase
As he’s speaking to my doubt
Don’t need to have to do without
But within is where I rule domain
And I know we’ll meet again
Somewhere in between
There is a crack in the dream
That’s how the light gets in
For a moment there it was with him

Key Under The Mat

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Is this an artist’s rendering
Of unimaginable pain
It all came down on me
Like thunderous rain
And I look afar
There was no sign
But I’m still so sure
Of what was once mine
That’s just barely there
But still it is
I was hers 
Before I was his
And all I do is hide it
There are days I can’t abide it
But I trudge through the snow
Is it wrong to let her know
How much I suffered without her
And I’m all faith but there are days a doubter
Like Thomas and the Saviour
It took years to raise her
Up from the phoenix and ash
I swore I’d be there if you’d ever come back
But it’s like using a cane 
To get around
It works but it’s not the exact sound
Of the step I used to know
And I can’t let go
Of all the people I love
The ones beside me
The ones above
The days that close in the evening
The team and Don’t Stop Believing
In all that you used to be
Is there somewhere it is you and me?

A Bite Into The Blue

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Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously 
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep

In A Beautiful Dress

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Something happened to set the scene 
And wake me up from the dream
And it was all I could do not to exclaim
That you need sky for the clouds to rain
As I discovered a newfound glory
Something exists outside the story
And it’s living itself as me
It’s like the storm has been set free
To wage its unholy war
To show you what peace is for
And it’s broken me down to a fragment 
I’m still looking for where the person went
As it vacates the premises
I let go of the notion of nemesis 
As everything turns to a quiet state
Do we have to learn to hate
When we’ve been set free
I let the chains fall off of me

50 Year Stand

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We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand 
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them 
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

Where To Start

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He writes songs about the chad
And the Irish way of feeling bad
About it
But you couldn’t doubt it
When it’s falling from his lips
And it is an eclipse
From the depths of blue rivers run
There’s no way of seeing the sun
Not when he’s got a song
And I’ve gotta say there’s nothing wrong 
With all I’ve grown up to be
It’s only now I’m starting to see
The landscape hidden from view
Thanks for sharing your vista
And I know I could’ve missed ya
But I just saw the sea
Rising up from the wintery
Snow that you’ve been freezing in
Abjectly shivering
But put your hands to the blaze
It’s a fire that’s learned to save

Central Park

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Is it too long left unspoken
I say, man, I’m only joking
But I’m serious as death can be
I loved you so I set you free
But I spend every moment wishing you were here 
I love you so much, my dear 
And I every time I fail to catch
I leave the door on the latch
Just in case you’ll walk in
And I make up stories of me and him
To keep me warm in the grey dark
And I just walked around Central Park
Wondering what was there to give
If there’s a life I can let live
But somehow moments in the stunning
And I’m just running, running
Away from this pain that caved inside
Is there a reason why I hide
From all I thought I knew
It all revolves around you

Pride

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Like a bottle of vitriol 
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains 
That call me to be 
Something new
And I don’t owe anything 
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols 
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m 
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always 
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I 
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember 
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow 
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling 
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell

My Pain

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Rolling in the river like it’s a storm
It’s ice cold but it keeps me warm 
As I sigh at the advances of every guy
I’m solitary, lonely and I don’t know why
Coz everything seems like it’s out to get me
At least since the day that he met me
And I fired the summer with a new fuse
Lost love like I had the power to choose
And his breath comes in gasps as he’s staring at me
My love is true so I set him free
But he’s just in the wilderness I let him touch
Doesn’t know the depths of what I love so much
And the ocean is water but so is a tear
I count the time like trees do a year
It’s okay with me all of the time
But in secret silence I call you mine
As you stay away and I respect
What you haven’t come to terms with as of yet
The guilt, the hatred, the violent pain
You look up and it’s raining again
It’s all it can do til the cloud has passed
But the sky is still blue and it will always last

Leaving Louisiana

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Leaving Louisiana 
I watch the Mississippi River 
As we glide over it in a plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back that way again
And the heat in July must be hard to bear
They’re on their own and my God I care
About all they’ve come to be
Does the water run into the sea
Or does it just keep on going
I guess I have no real way of knowing

A Winter In Summertime

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There was a winter in summertime
As I laid claim to all that’s mine
The showers awash with rain
Holding myself together amongst the pain
As she clicked her lips to all my flaws
But when the sun burns all the ice thaws
In the mystery of a silent barricade
The house I live in, the home I’ve made
Was all but naught to the blowing wind
When you grow up, do you know you’ve sinned
Or do you just grow out of that sort of thing
Dreaming of a sky or a diamond ring
To annunciate what’s inside
The Eternal to abide

The Emotional Field

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Grief comes crashing on my soul
That I may never grow old
But be entrapped at this age
Like a candle wick burning sage
And all that might never come to pass
Is crystallized in the Everlast
That I just stumbled upon one morning
Found a time to cease the mourning
That seems to pour out from within
At least until I met him
And all the clouds were cleared from the sky
And I was not afraid to die
But humbled in the truest sense
To fall from Grace in the present tense
As I scratched at every amber
Held love close like a cliffhanger
Only to discover that the air
Is in each breath you take of prayer

Storm To Be Seen

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There’s a whole storm coming up to be seen
It’s what made a nightmare out of the dream
Of all of the goodbyes I scream in the night
Are the way I give up on all of my fight
To go washing down the avenue
Like the river I’ve made of you
And I don’t know what paints the scene
I can just feel an inner screen
Longing to wake itself up in me
Be liberated from our history
And it’s shouting out, love, be free
And I feel the weight of dignity
Smiling to an inner sun
I think that guy might be the one
In all that’s been left unsaid
And things I think of in my bed
Where we’ve made a life so true
With all the colours I see in you
And you in me
I wonder what we’ll get to be
If we can live our mystery
Like holding hands in a hidden space
Finding our own sort of place
That we can be together for forever
My love for you’s beyond the weather
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The full force of the machine hit me across the skull
And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool
As I try to find the deep reverb
To silence noise with a word

Wealth Is Mine

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The feeling of lostness of twenty one
When you’ve completed what is done
And people say that you’re still young
That life has barely just begun
But I feel weary in my bones
Splitting hairs and running home
And always, always alone
Except for the figures in my phone
Now I’m looking back ten years hence
When forever is in the present tense
And I’ve lifted weight off of my shoulders
Younger now that I am older 
And running lines
I’ve seen this play a thousand times
And if you say that you are fine
I believe it now wealth is mine
I believe it now summer is in the air
And you can feel the presence of all that isn’t there
In empty space
Is all that youth gone to waste
Or compost for the growing grass
Ground for something that will last

Eternal Life

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Death is really nothing but the passing of the torch
I spend years in contemplation on my front porch
All to find a map that maybe would decide
The route I am to take for the reason that’s inside
And it may be tomorrow or in forty years
Will the lake live on now that I’ve cried some tears 
In saltwater brine ever to explore
I get older as I age but I just love it more
As I fit into my skin each moment as it passes 
Like I used to listen to the teachers talk in classes
With rapt attention in case I might miss
Something of my destiny condensed into a list
And everything has rolled by, I find myself thirty two
It’s older that I’m getting though I’m younger than you
And everything will cease one day come it’s time
It’s not as if I can call forever mine
Except to note that in the Now
Everything is present somehow
An abundance of peace and adequate zen
Hands held together to utter Amen
That all may be as it always is
The Birth of the Eternal into what exists

Metaphysical

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This Feeling Within

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I’ve always lived with this panic I can barely contain
You can say what you want or give it a name
Call it anxiety or ocd
All I know is something’s following me 
And it’s there in the midnight, it’s there in the dawn
Sometimes it stays quiet so I think that it’s gone
But it always returns
And, my Lord, it burns
Like a furnace or a glowing ember
More so in a dark December 
You can called it depression or psychosis
Just a modern type of neurosis 
And they hit me up with pills and drugs
But it don’t match one of your hugs
For bringing the stillness and quiet in me
One moment with you and I’m set free
And I know I can’t always be craving
Like a street that walks with the absence of paving
Or when the song of a bird signals the sky
I’m lost in this moment and I don’t know why
Til one day amongst the trees
I saw something I could barely believe
It was akin to heavenly light
And it says you will be alright
So I start skipping with the joy
Then see it reflected in a boy
As he is just passing by
For a moment, love, and I don’t know why
Coz Hayley throws all her castles down
And some people dream of a beautiful gown
But all I want’s this moment now
After all my trekking I find myself somehow
Back in the same place that I started
With more of depth the wise imparted
And grieving over loss has left
The coast that used to know me best
To set sail for another land
Where everything is understand
And unmapped and unplanned
The safety of the surest sand
As it gathers between my toes
I walked this beach for years, God knows
And externalized reality
It is the taste of the salty sea
That reminds me where you are
I would have wished upon a star
If I’d have known that you exist
In my honesty, I persist
To see it all come right round
And silence is the truest sound
As it enunciates the field
The grass grows slow to know to yield
As the fabric bends in certain places
And is 99% open spaces
Where you can go running free
It’s all awake atomically 
It’s all vibrating in motion
A symbol for pure devotion
To the God that gave me life
Not just a man and his wife
But something surging in the air
I can feel its presence there 
Only to exacerbate 
The thing I feel that I hate
The storm that holds me by the toe
Then dips me in the rivers flow
Til I’m shouting let me go
But it knows better than I know
And asks more of me than I can refrain
From doing over once again
In certainty and acquiescence 
Shining forth from the essence
Of its incandescent light
It whispers; love, you’ll be alright

Secret Smiles

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Corey’s eyes are like a jungle

He smiles, it’s like the radio

Taylor Swift 
Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes
And I’m full of existential whys
But you are the answer without reason
My safe space in open season
And I could cacophony the sound
But I always want you around
In the depths of my consciousness 
In the moments we exist 
Whether on the astral plane
Or in the summer as the clouds rain
And I throw back my head laughing with you
And it’s not just coz you want me to
There is a sense that together
Could be the place beyond the weather
And in these shoes that I’m walking
Is the memory of the two of us talking
Silent and sincere or open hearted
It’s like I asked and the oceans parted
And if we never come to be
Could you still realise what you mean to me
In oft tried second glances
Or just the air we breathe taking chances 
Could you smile and let the light shine
For me just one more time
As you look absolute
The one place I’ve found truth 
In the wisdom of our youth
Do you think it’s a just pursuit
Or are we just running away
Filled with things we cannot say
In silence spaces and in highs
You and I are not goodbyes

Unfathomably Deep

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There was that time
I tried to drink you out
But my foundations were not shaken
And I couldn’t even doubt
That you were the one for me
Now I don’t know how you are
But I feel you cosmically
A white hot burning star
Somewhere in the avenues 
Or in the everglades 
I don’t mean to be funny
But where’d you get your shades
Coz you’re looking mighty fine
With your cool as hell stare
And I can’t apologize 
For what just wasn’t there
Only promise you that I
Love with the full of my soul
And when the waves cascade
It’s then I hear them roll
Calling out your name
Like an old riverbend 
Was I wrong or right
For ever having clicked send
And I just can’t bring myself 
To take back the day
When the moment faced my soul
And I said okay
Give in to all the longing
All the heated prose
If you’re looking for some words
Do you know just who you chose
Someone who could compose
Sonnets of your name
And if you’re wondering if I’ve changed 
Well I’m still the same
Still am party to
A little bit of wine
And everytime I’m asked
I’ll say that I am fine
Coz I don’t want to torch
This wooden fence I’ve grown
From the rubble of the woods
That once were seeds I’d sown 
Now they’re all a garden gate
And the forest that you see
Is uncharted and unknown
A pure mystery
So please do not go rambling
If you do not mean to stay
I’m made for forever
I’m just built that way
And can never give in 
To the stride of the day
Don’t worry ‘bout the love
It’s just the modern way
And I’m ancient and I’m grieving
And I’m all over the place
But I am strong and I’m willful
You don’t have to second guess my face
In the brooks and in the rivers
That are running wild
And there are some parts of me
That are still a child
Innocent and foolhardy
And so like a stone
Except for quiet company
I live my life alone
Far away from the auspices
Of who you’d think to ask
When I take a sip
I drink it from a flask
And keep up with all the weather
As it’s changing every hour 
I’m always sitting waiting
For that one thousand petalled flower
In the deep of time and weight
Slowly to succumb
I look at all the rocks
Amid the diamonds I’ve become
And wonder what a season
Would take in these parts
I never knew it till I answered
With the full of my heart

The Regressive Movement

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Are we on the brink
Of a regressive movement 
Where the skies go black
And we lose it
All to a dream
Of forever
Can we keep rowing
A hopeful endeavor 
Down the river to the sea
And I’m just checking
Does He mean me?
When He says girl
Go do my will
I gotta shape up until
Destiny takes me by the hand
Says, love, it’s gonna be grand
But all I can see are these castles made of sand
And people crying out for a superman 
Are we really going back
To a dark age
I spill my heart in 
Ink upon the page
Say show me a way
United not divide
Where everyone has their say
And we value what’s alive
And for all the forecasts
The doommongering prophecy 
I am still absorbed 
By this light inside of me
That never dims, it only grows
With the heat of love it glows
Into a warm embrace
And He’s in every face
Like He lifted up His arm
And the sea was calm
So do I need to be frightened 
Over the enlightened 
Am I just Peter holding on to You In case he sinks
Is that my relationship to You
It could be methinks
But how do I just trust 
In the words that You say
That you are with me Now
Always and everyday



Photo by Anastasia Taioglou on Unsplash.com

Days With Darragh

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There were days with Darragh
When my point of view was decidedly narrow
He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend
It has been years though and it doesn’t end
As I still reflect on his heartbeat
When we danced with both our feet
And shine with all our might
I can’t ignore your candlelight
And your fire that just burn
It’s more than degrees we earn 
As we spend time into each other’s company
And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me
But he just smiles and looks in my eyes
I let go camouflage I keep to disguise
The darkness in the heart of my soul
But he just surfs the waves that I roll
And then laughs when he sees my car
Buys me a drink at the bar
And makes me smile, makes me laugh
And he does it all without me needing to ask
And I wonder does his fire sign match mine
As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme
And he’s red as a burning flame
I’m surprised he even remembers my name
But his is etched upon my skin
I loved him so I let him in
Let him see the hesitate
And he just pulls me out of that state
And never ever makes me wait
But breaks apart into something new
I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?


Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash.com

The Dark

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"Don't touch it"
Everyone seems to say
But I love the dark 
It is deep and endlessly long
It is peaceful and pure
In its nothingness

Combustion

.Reading time 6 minutes.

I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men
The kind you love then never see again
Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls
But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold
As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes
Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise
They break wide open into your hands
And look at you as though no one understands
As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange
But you’re at the mercy of what will change
As the sands shift the ground under your feet
It was only that one time that we got to meet
And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt
They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt
The perfect pain to stand on your stage
Realising I’m a scene on the previous page
And I’m left in the wings just to look on
At what never was mine and now is long gone
To think I could hold your soul in my palm
The silence belying a deadly calm
Like standing in the eye of a hurricane
Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again
But though you protest to innocent degrees
About what you meant, I do not believe
Though you may try to conquer the sea
Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me
As oceans swell and fall back with the tide
I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride
And if it may happen the moment perchance
I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance
And emotionally abuse what you have found
I have to admit I love when you’re around
Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare
You cannot hide what I know is there
And hidden beneath each surface I touch
Is someone within and I love you so much
Though they may call it codependency
They never saw horizons like you and me
And clipped are their wings as they settle for less
Than the subtle perfection in my distress
So don’t regret what you cannot achieve
I am forever bound to the darkness you weave
And what is real will stand monumental
You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle
And let your voice drop so soft and low
I only hate what I don’t want to go
Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire
I never want to be the one to put out your fire
Ephemerality and the lack of constraint
Are all a part of the picture you paint
And I guess I just wished I could be the one
To unlock the chains so you’d come undone
And relish the life that makes you what you are
But I am only light fusion bound within a star
An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete
I was born to be gracious in defeat
And find the source of the unquenchable longing
The home to fulfil my sense of belonging
The ache that never seems to go out
But you soothe it so easily with your mouth
And the words that spill from your lips
Dash on the rocks as my mask slips
Into trust and vulnerability
As you perceive strength in my fragility
And though there is substance in all you portray
They just write you off as consuming your prey
But I could never object to being such quarry
Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry
Though you steal from me all I ever had
The reality of you could never be bad
Never knew what it meant til I got you alone
You are the crack in my heart of stone
A weakness no one can repair
The mark you left will always be there
And they say don’t suffer just as evidence
But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense
My feelings into a digestible form
I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm
A reminder of what is eternally true
In the cynicism we’ve grown through
And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being
Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing
To be revolved in perceptual bliss
I only grieve the things that I miss
And even loss can be profound
When you listen to the open sound
And realise in space and time
You can’t always make matter of what is divine
And claimed by death must always be
The starcrossed lovers of destiny

The Monumental Fire

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I guess I just got caught in a monumental fire
One that burns me up and never seems to tire
Of eroding me right down to my core
I look to you for help and you tell me I need more
And I guess that you were scared of what I had to offer
Cause it threatened all you had and you needed something softer
But sorry I am made of magnetic steel
And there is no tempering how I feel
Like an ocean, like the sea, like an iceberg standing lone
I always seem to be missing my quintessential home
And I just thought you had it cause when I fell into your arms
You quieted my thoughts and silenced my alarms
And I felt a strange sort of peace descend on my soul
Like I had found the one thing I depend on to be whole
And how you matched my heart with your delicately so
I would have given all I had if you didn’t have to go
And leave me to depart on some far flung trek
I would have walked out on a wire and risked my neck
But to hear you deny me like I never even existed
Took more strength than I owned to have resisted
Crying out for the other half of who I am
And praying that you would understand
But your gaze turned icy cold
And I could see my entitlement in the way I started to fold
And break like that and come apart at the seams
I had always believed in the reality of dreams
And that what was foretold would come to pass
And that one time only love could do nothing but last
But the chains encroached and wrapped around like vines
And I couldn’t speak when you declared you were not mine
But belonged to another and were bonded at the core
When you know it is impossible you only want it more
But I let the full weight of it break my wooden frame
As I conceded to myself I was in love with a name
That stood for a symbol that I was longing to be
What I loved about you is you accepted me
With no conditions and no rules, no, just as I am
So when I shattered the stone I thought you would understand
But it seems there’s only so much you can take
And I will never speak to you again for your own sake
So go live your own life full of happiness and wonder
And I’ll remember how you moved my earth with your rolling thunder
How you cascaded rain down the panes of my vision
And how you hit me in the heart ruthlessly and with precision
And how you struck me on the spot and made me to be
The living embodiment of my own destiny