Tag: Depth

Finding Adam

.Reading time 1 minute.
I find that the explosive anger hits me right where it hurts
But I have to admit that it was there first
And has a right to existm
There were years that I missed
Before I was born 
And things were torn 
Like the veil of the sky
When someone is about to die 
And I used to cower in fear
When it came near
Like a monster in someone's shoes
Til I found a man that sings the blues
And I would be willing to give up that terror 
Just so I could correct the error 
In this thinking 
That has him drinking
In the idea that "no one cares"
May I be the one who dares
As I reach out to hold his hand 
And hope that I understand 
Everything under the weight of his cloud
I walk like a widow in a funeral shroud
Mourning all those who've died
But he catches the tears I've cried
And I can see in his eyes
That he would have tried
If no one had been there to stop that train 
So I come round again 
To sit on the cart
And give him all of my heart
You are a special soul 
And I'll be with you as the waves roll
Come what may
It doesn't matter what people say
It only matters what you are
And you, my love, are my burning star

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Wrecking Ball

.Reading time 1 minute.
There was a demon I saw in her 
It let go and destroyed what we were 
And it’s belligerence knocked buildings and homes
Til I was in a room crying all alone 
And trying to find even keel 
Because of all this weight that I feel
And I try to tell souls but they don’t care
Or they don’t understand because they weren’t there
When it all went down 
As she screams into her cup
And I have had enough
Of that rejection
So I depart from natural selection
And find my own ground
It is a peaceful sound 
In my room all alone
And I lock the darkness out of my phone 
Because I gravitate 
Towards the light that equivocate
The messes I have made
And if you’re a tree do you love shade
Just because that’s what you cast
I didn’t think this thing would last
So very long 
And I know I look strong
But the wind knows the weakness in my knees
The foibles in what I believe 
To be true
Why do I still trust you?

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Such A Lover

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The canyon always called to me 
The vast open space a rhythm to be set free
And I see people fall in the miles of my imagination 
As they stand on the edge of the station 
Taking selfies in the light 
And Marge says they’re just not right
Because there is a death toll 
But somehow I found my soul 
Overlooking the vast red rock 
Spelling out all that I am not 
I couldn’t stop staring 
And there was all that preparing 
For what I’m facing into 
And I just thought of you
And how your soul looked the same
As the ocean I cannot name 
That pulses inside of me 
There was a part of me that was set free
The moment you chose to come close
And you look as white as a ghost
And thin and on edge 
But I would like to be there instead
Of the absence that you know
And you have her and you
Have me 
I didn’t mean to set you free
I just couldn’t stay by the shore
Hoping for something more
To be revealed 
And then it stealed 
Into what I am 
You were never part of the plan
But you’re a welcome adjunct 
And I feel like I’ve been on punkd!
To think I could find a soul 
That matches the way that my waves roll 
I never thought I would discover
The arms of such a lover

Blackpool

.Reading time 1 minute.
There is a black pool at the core of my being 
When it’s light it’s just a reflection you’re seeing 
Of the moon in the water 
And I have been a “good” daughter 
Always abiding by the rule
Getting grades to fly by in school 
But I have grown up and in 
And I found myself in him 
When he set me free from the stricture 
And it was a mighty picture 
When he showed me his own shade of blue
And I wanted to be one with you 
As you just were yourself 
And my mental health 
Is not up for debate
But I’ve learned there’s something beyond the hate
You can even hold for yourself 
There is a wealth 
In verdant green
And it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen

At The Bottom Of The Ocean

.Reading time 2 minutes.

***Trigger Warning – Mental Health Content***


There was that time I was at the bottom of the ocean
The weight of the sky held all my emotion 
And it was burden to me
Until the day I was set free
Like some kind of ennui to fly
But some part of me wanted to die 
It held me like a vicegrips 
I let go and something slips
Into the abyss 
Is it that I miss 
The point of modern existence
So much so that my reference is met with resistance
To what it is 
And I will never be his 
Not now, not anymore
Not since he closed that door 
The one I had opened to let him in 
But the grave is solemn as our sin
As we barely make it through
There were days I screamed at you
And my family bled me dry 
For the crime of wanting to try
To climb to the sky
And sometimes I wonder why 
They condemned me to an education 
In their version of the situation 
Where I am the betrayer of the light 
The one they crack my knuckles with at night 
In tune with the rhythm 
Of their own great schism 
The one that pulls
There is a pain that never dulls
Not sharp and quick 
But one you live with and it’s a bitch 
Much more so than the submerge
And I am on the verge
Of letting go 
And opening to the place I can’t know 
The deep and vast spaciousness pure
If only I could know for sure
What it was 
Like I did before I learned their laws 





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The Man With The Deep Brown Eyes
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






I feel a connection with him
And I felt the lights dim
When the electricity fluctuated 
And they’re obsessed with who he dated
In his late youth
The fake press can be a brute
As they report
Without making a fort
Of due diligence true
And I fell in love with you 
Coz I could see that look in your eyes
You know the one that never dies
And I know you were with her 
I just don’t know what for 
Because she is beautiful and serene
But her eyes only ever see the dream 
And you, too real, burn her candle
The flame between, too hot to handle
And it starts a decade long war
And the streets may be paved with tar
But they don’t take New York from me
The one you sang about in the days you were free
Of the burden that you wear 
Like flowers in her hair 
Pink and blushing and young and sweet
Then the two of us meet 
And you promise me eternity 
In a ring that spins infernally 
Like a dial on your heart
You don’t have to swear to take part
In the love that we share
I know because I was there 
And you care
More than I gave you credit due
Now I’m back writing odes to you
Like that dream of a YouTube scene 
Where you propose 
And it doesn’t matter what clothes 
I wear 
You always meet me there 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Her Due Is Worth
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Amazon.com: Romantic Quote Poster. We Were Together. I Forget the Rest Walt  Whitman Literary Print For School, Library, Office or Home : Handmade  Products
How do I pay her her due
Coz she was there when I needed you
In the young years of being misunderstood
She was like an atlas in this wood
Like a compass, like a dial
The queen of making someone smile
And hard times hit her and I tried to defend
But what can you say to your best friend
When you see the cascade at the mouth
Of the ocean you have come to doubt
In your seafaring ways
They were the worst of days
But they were also the best
Because we were like none of the rest
In our individual stance
And I just wanna dance
And know that she does too
I wish she knew how I felt about you 
Coz I feel sure she'd take action
And I speak your name like an infraction
Coz you're tied to another extreme
And wanting you would realise every dream 
I've ever had 
And I know I made you mad 
With my defiant stare
But I am there 
Or should I say here
The earth quakes when you are near
But she taught me of the eternal rock 
The one that's steady when you are not 
And I know we're just a ship that's sailed
But something within us has never failed
To meet the tide at it's best
I love her, and I forget the rest

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Everest
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






Her pain is a mountain
That I can’t scale 
Like many on Everest
I’m born to fail
But I keep coming back
To her heavenly light
Whispers in the morning
You’ll be alright
And we grow up
Dust ourselves off
But we’ve still got 
That persistent cough
That hints at something
Underneath
She lowers a blow
Knocks me off my feet
And I know 
She don’t mean it
But did I 
Dream it
That we once were something true
Until I disappointed you
By being myself 
In a garden of verdant wealth
All to blossom and free
Sorry but, babe, you’re gnawing at me

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
One Kiss Love
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






He’s not up for one kiss love
And I am ocean but there’s a dove
Come to bring news of nourishment 
It’s not many who need encouragement 
To sail that way across the sea
When they find dry land they’ll forget about me
But something in his smiles’s forever
Not changeable as the weather
And he may not be right for me
But right now is all I see
And he’s got emotions that shiver me timbers
He could spin the whole world on the tips of his fingers 
And I hope he remembers our moment so still
And the light catch his eyes, oh I always will
And hope and pray your life has been good
It’s like living in forests, surrounded I stood
But he gave me ways to breathe afresh
And find solemn ways out of this mess
As we crush a penny into a shape
It’s red that we find in our softest escape 

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Jesus Is Lord
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The burning pain encases my soul
And like the waves I roll and roll
Until I crash to the floor
And all I used to adore
In verdant green
Is part of what it means 
To walk in this skin
And part of me’s in love with him
As we age and pale
Giving up what’s not for sale 
To the highest bidder
It’s first come, first served and the weather
Is just one more seasonal spin
Do I let him in
Coz he’s knocking down my door
Hammering ever more and more 
As the years pass 
And I was outclassed
In the long grass
And today I went to Mass
And felt that age old relief
As I stepped back into belief 
As I stare at a man on a cross
Thinking all is not lost
Coz my Saviour died for me 
But He lived and that sets me free
That Truth exists 
And quells the sound in the mists 
That grapple and let me go
This cloud looks like it’s full of snow
Or thundered might
But Jesus loves me and I’m alright

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/5eSMcGv

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Grief Stricken Heroine
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			

The grief stricken heroine 
Of the story
I was told that God
Always walked before me
But where is He
In this landscape bare and thin
I wonder if I 
Should have ever let him in
Coz the doors are closed 
On the avenues 
And I’m full 
Of missing you’s 
But it doesn’t seem to matter
How many tears I cry
They can never make the ones
I love not die
And we’re all just wasting time
And trading places
Is there a dimension 
Where I can see their faces
And feel their soul
Not everyone 
Is bound to get old
And even when they do
There comes a time
When I’ve got to admit
That they are not mine
But one with the great
Vast Spirit untold
I’ve tried to stay strong
But I let my cards fold
And give in to cry
Alone in my room
If this is a dream
Can I wake up soon
Because the love is longing
And just a wave
And in the end
There’s no one I can save
But hold out my hands
Empty towards
And I’m not one who believes 
That prayers are just words
But emissaries 
To another state
Two thousand years 
Is a long time to wait
For your saviour to return
Is this place just a space to learn
And if I do will it make worthwhile
The ancient in the hidden smile
That comes across me unbidden
Into the land of the living
As I patch another shoe
Another hole, another you
And the loss is chasming 
A vast abyss
I wonder how people
Don’t feel they miss
What’s gone on and who have left
Is life just a Cosmic Yes
To discover
And if I’m okay
Does it mean I don’t love her
As I try to do justice to her trust in me
Has she partaken of Infinity
That calls all souls
Like gravity as the ball just rolls
Into the place it’s meant to be
Is forever my destiny
As I swirl onwards and henceforth
It’s like I feel no remorse
As I give in to the swing of time
And making messages in a bottle rhyme
Too much to be true
They are like little notes I’m leaving for you
To say I am here
And, my love, I’ve held you dear
As the tide marches on
One day we will all be gone
Or will we, is it true
Is there a space that is facing you
Where all is held
In little lines that you weld
Into perfect stone
And I have found my home
Under the tree, swinging the branches down
On the rope you made for us to go to town
With and I will never forget
And you’re still with me yet
As I concede to give up the fight
Let go of tears and be alright
And live in the fullness of colour they’re due
I might be getting up, not getting over you
No matter what they say
The ocean was not made to keep the waves at bay
But lap the shore
I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted anything more
Than to be the light
I look up to Heaven and hope that I’m right

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Outliers
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			

Oh, the weather brought in Stephen
And I was weary with all of the leaving
Behind that I had done
Searching for the only one
And they say that awakening can land
You in a state where you’re under command
And out of the control you think you know
There’s nowhere it leads that I will not go
And I found myself in a psych clinic
I kept trying to explain why I shouldn’t be in it
But they brush past my honesty like it was lies
Pinned up a frame over my eyes
To tell me who they think I am
But I constantly fall outside the plan
And the time flowed past me like sand
Rough and brittle with the misunderstand
Til I met a common heart
And he made my pain look like art
With his smile and his self conscious laugh
I was doing yoga when I stretched my calf
And I wanted to explain just what was in my mind
Flexible around the river bend
And why do I stand for this shit
Oh, the ocean I flow with
Had me by decree
Down on one knee
Proposing a new direction
Standing outside natural selection 
Into a reverberate that would sound
The corridors I walked around
In monuments to my fear
But there was always someone near
And I was shaking with the times
Am I stepping on land mines
Or is everywhere I place my tread
Safely like they never said
And it’s hard to reconcile
That place with my secret smile
The one that knows no bounds
I used to listen for the sounds
That would set me free
I am okay, but hey, that’s just me!

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Staring From The Sidelines
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			









I stepped onto the bridge
The wood was creaky
And there’s something about that guy 
That was a little bit freaky
But I like him anyway
I catch what he say
Across the thread of an internet fine
And I know it’s love for the longest time
As he flicks his hair
Flicks his eyes
Buries crevices 
In my disguise
And there’s nothing more
Than to bang on your door
And tell you I’m out here waiting
I don’t even think of hating
You anymore
I simply adore
The sleep in your eye
And how you are with me when we both die 
Across the refractions of time
On the thinnest of line
We are bound as One
And an unearthly Sun
Shines from your face
And I love this place
Now you are near
I hold you dear
And it’s crystal clear
That through the cobwebs and moss
All is not loss
Just a slowly burning candle 
Did you think I was too much to handle?

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Sound Of One Heart Breaking
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			





Questioning these sacred concepts
The weight of the world that makes war
And I mourn you but I don’t know what for
Is it just the pain serves to remind
There’s a place you have not left behind
And I break down on the floor
Coz the sound of the door
Shutting cracks my skin
And I try not to let it in
But the light is coming from the inside out
And it replaces all my doubt
With the ferver of another land 
Would you understand
If I told you I just had to let it be
It’s like all of my soul’s been taken from me
When you breathed your last
Or when I discovered a thing of the past
No more what it is
And I call myself His
But it’s a running game
And it’s all the same
No way to stem the flow
Of what you cannot let go
I wipe the tears from my face
Just in case
Anyone sees me in that place
But you’re in my heart
And the mark
That was made
Is the same scar that scabbed over what’s saved
Did it come to me too early to appreciate 
Fourteen years old in another state
Where time and space don’t exist
But in the present I just subsist
On the bread of another longing 
And the people are thronging
Round the gates of hell
Begging to be let in, as well
And I cannot follow
The tree into the hollow 
Of what you came to show
I love you forever, I hope you know

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Singing In My Summer Clothes
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			









Singing in my summer clothes
Have one on me, one for the road
And it’s long but it leads back to You
The only path, the one that is true 
And I fight with the storm in my veins
Countenance curious pains 
That attempt to distract 
From the fact I want him back
But he’s sold to some other source 
And I have no remorse
About speaking my mind
I didn’t leave you behind 
Just on hold 
To be brave and to be bold
Enough to truly say
I didn’t want you to go away
But doubted my ability, okay
There’s nothing I can make stay 
Coz it’s all built on sand that’s shifting 
Tell me who I should be gifting
With a midnight purpose scene
I thought You and I was just a dream 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
No Deal
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






They talk about taking a cut
I don’t wish to intrude but
Isn’t that selling out on your dreams
The tailor rips all the seams 
On a mighty dress
And I confess
That I never really knew what this life thing was
I just keep holding on because 
It seems to be the only thing to do
Hold my breath and set the queue 
And everything will be alright
There is no way to fight the night
Only accept its lapping waves
And the superhero who saves 
Is your own deepest core
Pushing you til you know there’s more 
Than surface appearance
In the woods and there’s been a clearance
Into some sort of scene
Everything is hazy as a dream
As I take what they offer me 
But I would rather be free
Of the chains that bind
They run rings around my mind
But suffice to say
It doesn’t go away
It only suppress
It’s there to be addressed
And I hold my hand out to the dark
It dances me around in the park
With the grass under my feet
How was it that we never meet
In all the years we’ve been together
Just me, you and the weather
And it’s a lavender suite
I let it go and defeat
Is the sweetest thing I know
It just took Him time to show
The underneath that silences doubt
Now forever is what I’m all about
And death is the mask that God wears
You don’t realise it til the illusion tears
And you’re left with a landscape in your lap
Did the Universe take a nap
On overseeing the score 
Coz I’m not sure who I am anymore 
But You assure
That this road is pure
As midnight snow
The moon kissing the white below 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
My Melancholia
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






The streets are awash with my well worn fame
But just coz you know my name 
Doesn’t mean you know what I am
And I have a plan
To be the best thing since sliced pan 
But I get interrupted 
And things must be adjusted 
To fit my frame 
I used to love the game
There was that time my vision narrowed
Watching films and the haunting harrowed
As everyone just moved on
The place where I stood was long gone
And images rose up like a screen
Popping bubbles in the dream
And I lay in bed
Trying to quench the firestorm in my head
At eighteen
In Roebuck Hall stifling a scream
Into my pillow
Now she’s released Willow
Into the world
And I’ve grown up a girl
Into a fortress strong
Resilient that could never be wrong
And I spilt ink all over the page
Used my pen to rage and rage
Instead of caging the beast
I let the paper become the feast
And devour the pain inside
I don’t think I need to hide
Coz I know there’s a whole plethora
Of people who wish they didn’t know that 
That which I’m talking about
And the words that came out of my mouth
Were confused and afraid 
Like the sun had just put me in the shade
But it’s all in the past
Though the strength will last
Some kind of quantum leap
In consciousness that doesn’t sleep
Even when my eyes close
Are there reasons for everything, only God knows

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Take My Hand (True Love)
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			

Stray I follow
And her words are hollow
Like the rings round her eyes
Everything lives and dies 
And she can't shake the spectre
That hides in the window 
So she finds love 
But it isn't in him though
And the monsters don't drag
Her out of the bed
In the morning
Do I wreck your head
Or can you contain what I say
I like you, is that okay
But I don't agree with all you do 
Or how you justify it to you too
And I'm down with all of the vibes
You emulate 
And you call my bluff on fate
But something weaves 
Its way in and out of thread
I choose myself instead
Of the same damn old fight
Burning in the firelight
And it's something serene
Do I really crack the dream 
Open like an egg on the pan
Does anyone know who I am 
Coz I think he did 
But then I hid
And he bought the lie
But I had to try
To tell the truth
But I'm just selling my youth
And auctioning it to the highest bidder 
And the thoughts in my own head make me shiver
With the terror of movement going
And now the wind is snowing 
In the middle of spring 
Did I really give up everything 
Just to get to New York
The road bends just beyond the fork 
And I can't choose
Based on what I've left to lose
I must be pulled though
And it's the sight of you
That's driving me on
True Love isn't gone

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Lightly Sedated
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			





They paved a path and told me to walk
I tried to speak up, they said it’s all talk
As I contradict 
The line they’re running with
Could you spare a minute doctor dear
I wanna make something clear
I am moved by the immutable force
Like a river by nature just follows the course
That sends it from spring to the sea
Well, so it is with me
As I feel the flow
You tell me not to let go
But I’m not holding on
The thing you look for is long gone
And the clambering rock on the cliff that I scale
Is not enough to make my courage fail
Because I’m brilliant red and Griffindor
You’re looking for less but I’ve got more
Than you ever could contain
Within the concept of rain
Must I say it to you again
As I slouch around the hall
I’m fuckin’ bored, will you pass me the ball
So I can shoot it in the net
Remind you that I don’t forget
The lines you litter with your feet
I never spoke about the monumental meet
I had with a guy so sweet
It’s cooking time and the heat
Is too much for me to stand
I look at him and he takes my hand
And holds it close to his face
A beauty that I can’t erase
As he’s speaking to my doubt
Don’t need to have to do without
But within is where I rule domain
And I know we’ll meet again
Somewhere in between
There is a crack in the dream
That’s how the light gets in
For a moment there it was with him

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Key Under The Mat
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





Is this an artist’s rendering
Of unimaginable pain
It all came down on me
Like thunderous rain
And I look afar
There was no sign
But I’m still so sure
Of what was once mine
That’s just barely there
But still it is
I was hers 
Before I was his
And all I do is hide it
There are days I can’t abide it
But I trudge through the snow
Is it wrong to let her know
How much I suffered without her
And I’m all faith but there are days a doubter
Like Thomas and the Saviour
It took years to raise her
Up from the phoenix and ash
I swore I’d be there if you’d ever come back
But it’s like using a cane 
To get around
It works but it’s not the exact sound
Of the step I used to know
And I can’t let go
Of all the people I love
The ones beside me
The ones above
The days that close in the evening
The team and Don’t Stop Believing
In all that you used to be
Is there somewhere it is you and me? 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
A Bite Into The Blue
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Taking a bite into the blue
And it comes up the colour of you
As I dive into the ocean
And it’s all rhythmic motion
In the life I cannot live
Is it time to forgive
The darkness of my past
Who knew that this would last
So very long
Correct me if I’m wrong
But you loved that I love that song
As you curl up by my side
Say that I make you feel alive
And now it’s all gone away
What was it you didn’t say
Coz I’m dying to know
And I won’t leave it be so
Just tell me what you need to admit
I looked at you and I sit
Beside you surreptitiously 
Vulnerably confess to me
Like a secret you can’t bear to keep
I’ll visit you in the safety of sleep

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
In A Beautiful Dress
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






Something happened to set the scene 
And wake me up from the dream
And it was all I could do not to exclaim
That you need sky for the clouds to rain
As I discovered a newfound glory
Something exists outside the story
And it’s living itself as me
It’s like the storm has been set free
To wage its unholy war
To show you what peace is for
And it’s broken me down to a fragment 
I’m still looking for where the person went
As it vacates the premises
I let go of the notion of nemesis 
As everything turns to a quiet state
Do we have to learn to hate
When we’ve been set free
I let the chains fall off of me

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
50 Year Stand
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






We could have a fifty year stand
And I could live with holding your hand 
But I could never be bound to profess
That I’m anything more than this minidress
And what I’m meaning to confess
Is that I reach for you in my distress
But I don’t see forever in your eyes
Because, you know, everybody dies
And I lost him at seventeen
When I wasn’t even in the dream
Just walking back from lunch
Ignoring that petty hunch
That had you sidelines and sideways
I don’t care what anybody says
Anymore coz they’re all liars
And I’ve set one too many fires
Under who I’m meant to be
I’ve grown up but still don’t see
And the diagrams all refract
The way you can’t get people back
Once you’ve lost your hold on them 
If I could would I live it again?
Just to feel the same old pain
If you walk on grass do you curse the rain
That made it green and fresh
It’s been years but I don’t forget

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Where To Start
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





He writes songs about the chad
And the Irish way of feeling bad
About it
But you couldn’t doubt it
When it’s falling from his lips
And it is an eclipse
From the depths of blue rivers run
There’s no way of seeing the sun
Not when he’s got a song
And I’ve gotta say there’s nothing wrong 
With all I’ve grown up to be
It’s only now I’m starting to see
The landscape hidden from view
Thanks for sharing your vista
And I know I could’ve missed ya
But I just saw the sea
Rising up from the wintery
Snow that you’ve been freezing in
Abjectly shivering
But put your hands to the blaze
It’s a fire that’s learned to save

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Central Park
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Is it too long left unspoken
I say, man, I’m only joking
But I’m serious as death can be
I loved you so I set you free
But I spend every moment wishing you were here 
I love you so much, my dear 
And I every time I fail to catch
I leave the door on the latch
Just in case you’ll walk in
And I make up stories of me and him
To keep me warm in the grey dark
And I just walked around Central Park
Wondering what was there to give
If there’s a life I can let live
But somehow moments in the stunning
And I’m just running, running
Away from this pain that caved inside
Is there a reason why I hide
From all I thought I knew
It all revolves around you

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Pride
		

		
.Reading time 2 minutes.

		

			






Like a bottle of vitriol 
I keep on call
Like I’m talking to crowds
And then to the wall
Coz I’ve got this pulse
That hammers my veins
And I keep hearing quotes
And magnificent refrains 
That call me to be 
Something new
And I don’t owe anything 
To the memory of you
Coz I fight with the dream
The fabric I’d crafted
I remember the moment
That you felt I laughed at
All you could not be
And you always said
You were jealous of me
And I kept it like a secret
Honor bound
Til you changed your tune
And the sound
Turned to clashing symbols 
I’m covering my ears
Waiting for the air to clear
And tell me that I’m 
Safe again
And I found dew drops
In the eyes of men
To patch up
What you tore of me
But I love them honest
So I set them free
To keep what I’d taken
In circumstance
But they always 
Ask me to dance
And I can’t say no
But where would you go
If you knew the truth
The black mark that became my youth
All because I 
Splintered the prose
And you simply
Took another road
That lead you down
An avenue
Don’t say that you miss me
Coz I don’t miss you
And I’m not gonna lie
And say it’s okay
I still remember 
The pain of that day
And the weeks and months
And years to follow 
When what had been full
Suddenly seemed hollow
And I can’t say that you
Carved out a mark
Coz there are no forms
In the magnificent dark
Only the feeling 
That all is well
Is it time
To show and tell

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
My Pain
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Rolling in the river like it’s a storm
It’s ice cold but it keeps me warm 
As I sigh at the advances of every guy
I’m solitary, lonely and I don’t know why
Coz everything seems like it’s out to get me
At least since the day that he met me
And I fired the summer with a new fuse
Lost love like I had the power to choose
And his breath comes in gasps as he’s staring at me
My love is true so I set him free
But he’s just in the wilderness I let him touch
Doesn’t know the depths of what I love so much
And the ocean is water but so is a tear
I count the time like trees do a year
It’s okay with me all of the time
But in secret silence I call you mine
As you stay away and I respect
What you haven’t come to terms with as of yet
The guilt, the hatred, the violent pain
You look up and it’s raining again
It’s all it can do til the cloud has passed
But the sky is still blue and it will always last

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Leaving Louisiana
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			

Leaving Louisiana 
I watch the Mississippi River 
As we glide over it in a plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back that way again
And the heat in July must be hard to bear
They’re on their own and my God I care
About all they’ve come to be
Does the water run into the sea
Or does it just keep on going
I guess I have no real way of knowing

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
A Winter In Summertime
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






There was a winter in summertime
As I laid claim to all that’s mine
The showers awash with rain
Holding myself together amongst the pain
As she clicked her lips to all my flaws
But when the sun burns all the ice thaws
In the mystery of a silent barricade
The house I live in, the home I’ve made
Was all but naught to the blowing wind
When you grow up, do you know you’ve sinned
Or do you just grow out of that sort of thing
Dreaming of a sky or a diamond ring
To annunciate what’s inside
The Eternal to abide


					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Emotional Field
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






Grief comes crashing on my soul
That I may never grow old
But be entrapped at this age
Like a candle wick burning sage
And all that might never come to pass
Is crystallized in the Everlast
That I just stumbled upon one morning
Found a time to cease the mourning
That seems to pour out from within
At least until I met him
And all the clouds were cleared from the sky
And I was not afraid to die
But humbled in the truest sense
To fall from Grace in the present tense
As I scratched at every amber
Held love close like a cliffhanger
Only to discover that the air
Is in each breath you take of prayer 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Storm To Be Seen
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






There’s a whole storm coming up to be seen
It’s what made a nightmare out of the dream
Of all of the goodbyes I scream in the night
Are the way I give up on all of my fight
To go washing down the avenue
Like the river I’ve made of you
And I don’t know what paints the scene
I can just feel an inner screen
Longing to wake itself up in me
Be liberated from our history
And it’s shouting out, love, be free
And I feel the weight of dignity
Smiling to an inner sun
I think that guy might be the one
In all that’s been left unsaid
And things I think of in my bed
Where we’ve made a life so true
With all the colours I see in you
And you in me
I wonder what we’ll get to be
If we can live our mystery
Like holding hands in a hidden space
Finding our own sort of place
That we can be together for forever
My love for you’s beyond the weather

					

	




					
						


		

		

					

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			

The full force of the machine hit me across the skull
And I’ve skin as thin as cotton wool
As I try to find the deep reverb
To silence noise with a word

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Wealth Is Mine
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			





The feeling of lostness of twenty one
When you’ve completed what is done
And people say that you’re still young
That life has barely just begun
But I feel weary in my bones
Splitting hairs and running home
And always, always alone
Except for the figures in my phone
Now I’m looking back ten years hence
When forever is in the present tense
And I’ve lifted weight off of my shoulders
Younger now that I am older 
And running lines
I’ve seen this play a thousand times
And if you say that you are fine
I believe it now wealth is mine
I believe it now summer is in the air
And you can feel the presence of all that isn’t there
In empty space
Is all that youth gone to waste
Or compost for the growing grass
Ground for something that will last

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Eternal Life
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Death is really nothing but the passing of the torch
I spend years in contemplation on my front porch
All to find a map that maybe would decide
The route I am to take for the reason that’s inside
And it may be tomorrow or in forty years
Will the lake live on now that I’ve cried some tears 
In saltwater brine ever to explore
I get older as I age but I just love it more
As I fit into my skin each moment as it passes 
Like I used to listen to the teachers talk in classes
With rapt attention in case I might miss
Something of my destiny condensed into a list
And everything has rolled by, I find myself thirty two
It’s older that I’m getting though I’m younger than you
And everything will cease one day come it’s time
It’s not as if I can call forever mine
Except to note that in the Now
Everything is present somehow
An abundance of peace and adequate zen
Hands held together to utter Amen
That all may be as it always is
The Birth of the Eternal into what exists 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Metaphysical
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			






					

	




					
						


		

		

			
This Feeling Within
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			

I’ve always lived with this panic I can barely contain
You can say what you want or give it a name
Call it anxiety or ocd
All I know is something’s following me 
And it’s there in the midnight, it’s there in the dawn
Sometimes it stays quiet so I think that it’s gone
But it always returns
And, my Lord, it burns
Like a furnace or a glowing ember
More so in a dark December 
You can called it depression or psychosis
Just a modern type of neurosis 
And they hit me up with pills and drugs
But it don’t match one of your hugs
For bringing the stillness and quiet in me
One moment with you and I’m set free
And I know I can’t always be craving
Like a street that walks with the absence of paving
Or when the song of a bird signals the sky
I’m lost in this moment and I don’t know why
Til one day amongst the trees
I saw something I could barely believe
It was akin to heavenly light
And it says you will be alright
So I start skipping with the joy
Then see it reflected in a boy
As he is just passing by
For a moment, love, and I don’t know why
Coz Hayley throws all her castles down
And some people dream of a beautiful gown
But all I want’s this moment now
After all my trekking I find myself somehow
Back in the same place that I started
With more of depth the wise imparted
And grieving over loss has left
The coast that used to know me best
To set sail for another land
Where everything is understand
And unmapped and unplanned
The safety of the surest sand
As it gathers between my toes
I walked this beach for years, God knows
And externalized reality
It is the taste of the salty sea
That reminds me where you are
I would have wished upon a star
If I’d have known that you exist
In my honesty, I persist
To see it all come right round
And silence is the truest sound
As it enunciates the field
The grass grows slow to know to yield
As the fabric bends in certain places
And is 99% open spaces
Where you can go running free
It’s all awake atomically 
It’s all vibrating in motion
A symbol for pure devotion
To the God that gave me life
Not just a man and his wife
But something surging in the air
I can feel its presence there 
Only to exacerbate 
The thing I feel that I hate
The storm that holds me by the toe
Then dips me in the rivers flow
Til I’m shouting let me go
But it knows better than I know
And asks more of me than I can refrain
From doing over once again
In certainty and acquiescence 
Shining forth from the essence
Of its incandescent light
It whispers; love, you’ll be alright

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Secret Smiles
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			

Corey’s eyes are like a jungle
He smiles, it’s like the radio
Taylor Swift 





Darling, you’ve got stars in your eyes
And I’m full of existential whys
But you are the answer without reason
My safe space in open season
And I could cacophony the sound
But I always want you around
In the depths of my consciousness 
In the moments we exist 
Whether on the astral plane
Or in the summer as the clouds rain
And I throw back my head laughing with you
And it’s not just coz you want me to
There is a sense that together
Could be the place beyond the weather
And in these shoes that I’m walking
Is the memory of the two of us talking
Silent and sincere or open hearted
It’s like I asked and the oceans parted
And if we never come to be
Could you still realise what you mean to me
In oft tried second glances
Or just the air we breathe taking chances 
Could you smile and let the light shine
For me just one more time
As you look absolute
The one place I’ve found truth 
In the wisdom of our youth
Do you think it’s a just pursuit
Or are we just running away
Filled with things we cannot say
In silence spaces and in highs
You and I are not goodbyes 

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Unfathomably Deep
		

		
.Reading time 3 minutes.

		

			

There was that time
I tried to drink you out
But my foundations were not shaken
And I couldn’t even doubt
That you were the one for me
Now I don’t know how you are
But I feel you cosmically
A white hot burning star
Somewhere in the avenues 
Or in the everglades 
I don’t mean to be funny
But where’d you get your shades
Coz you’re looking mighty fine
With your cool as hell stare
And I can’t apologize 
For what just wasn’t there
Only promise you that I
Love with the full of my soul
And when the waves cascade
It’s then I hear them roll
Calling out your name
Like an old riverbend 
Was I wrong or right
For ever having clicked send
And I just can’t bring myself 
To take back the day
When the moment faced my soul
And I said okay
Give in to all the longing
All the heated prose
If you’re looking for some words
Do you know just who you chose
Someone who could compose
Sonnets of your name
And if you’re wondering if I’ve changed 
Well I’m still the same
Still am party to
A little bit of wine
And everytime I’m asked
I’ll say that I am fine
Coz I don’t want to torch
This wooden fence I’ve grown
From the rubble of the woods
That once were seeds I’d sown 
Now they’re all a garden gate
And the forest that you see
Is uncharted and unknown
A pure mystery
So please do not go rambling
If you do not mean to stay
I’m made for forever
I’m just built that way
And can never give in 
To the stride of the day
Don’t worry ‘bout the love
It’s just the modern way
And I’m ancient and I’m grieving
And I’m all over the place
But I am strong and I’m willful
You don’t have to second guess my face
In the brooks and in the rivers
That are running wild
And there are some parts of me
That are still a child
Innocent and foolhardy
And so like a stone
Except for quiet company
I live my life alone
Far away from the auspices
Of who you’d think to ask
When I take a sip
I drink it from a flask
And keep up with all the weather
As it’s changing every hour 
I’m always sitting waiting
For that one thousand petalled flower
In the deep of time and weight
Slowly to succumb
I look at all the rocks
Amid the diamonds I’ve become
And wonder what a season
Would take in these parts
I never knew it till I answered
With the full of my heart

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Regressive Movement
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






Are we on the brink
Of a regressive movement 
Where the skies go black
And we lose it
All to a dream
Of forever
Can we keep rowing
A hopeful endeavor 
Down the river to the sea
And I’m just checking
Does He mean me?
When He says girl
Go do my will
I gotta shape up until
Destiny takes me by the hand
Says, love, it’s gonna be grand
But all I can see are these castles made of sand
And people crying out for a superman 
Are we really going back
To a dark age
I spill my heart in 
Ink upon the page
Say show me a way
United not divide
Where everyone has their say
And we value what’s alive
And for all the forecasts
The doommongering prophecy 
I am still absorbed 
By this light inside of me
That never dims, it only grows
With the heat of love it glows
Into a warm embrace
And He’s in every face
Like He lifted up His arm
And the sea was calm
So do I need to be frightened 
Over the enlightened 
Am I just Peter holding on to You In case he sinks
Is that my relationship to You
It could be methinks
But how do I just trust 
In the words that You say
That you are with me Now
Always and everyday



Photo by Anastasia Taioglou on Unsplash.com

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Days With Darragh
		

		
.Reading time 1 minute.

		

			






There were days with Darragh
When my point of view was decidedly narrow
He saw me like a girl, I saw him like a friend
It has been years though and it doesn’t end
As I still reflect on his heartbeat
When we danced with both our feet
And shine with all our might
I can’t ignore your candlelight
And your fire that just burn
It’s more than degrees we earn 
As we spend time into each other’s company
And I’m always thinking, what does he want of me
But he just smiles and looks in my eyes
I let go camouflage I keep to disguise
The darkness in the heart of my soul
But he just surfs the waves that I roll
And then laughs when he sees my car
Buys me a drink at the bar
And makes me smile, makes me laugh
And he does it all without me needing to ask
And I wonder does his fire sign match mine
As we dance to the rhythm of the rhyme
And he’s red as a burning flame
I’m surprised he even remembers my name
But his is etched upon my skin
I loved him so I let him in
Let him see the hesitate
And he just pulls me out of that state
And never ever makes me wait
But breaks apart into something new
I don’t know if you know who you are, do you?


Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash.com

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Dark
		

		
.Reading time less than 1 minute.

		

			
"Don't touch it"
Everyone seems to say
But I love the dark 
It is deep and endlessly long
It is peaceful and pure
In its nothingness

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
Combustion
		

		
.Reading time 6 minutes.

		

			
I have a propensity to fall for dark eyed men

The kind you love then never see again

Don’t know what it is about their twisted souls

But there’s a depth I can’t plumb and I am sold

As you watch the light dawn in someone’s else’s eyes

Their sensitivity cracks and to your surprise

They break wide open into your hands

And look at you as though no one understands

As if you’ve been admitted to their confidence strange

But you’re at the mercy of what will change

As the sands shift the ground under your feet

It was only that one time that we got to meet

And though they throw reputations like yours to the dirt

They can’t make me regret the way that it hurt

The perfect pain to stand on your stage

Realising I’m a scene on the previous page

And I’m left in the wings just to look on

At what never was mine and now is long gone

To think I could hold your soul in my palm

The silence belying a deadly calm

Like standing in the eye of a hurricane

Two seconds later it’s ripped apart again

But though you protest to innocent degrees

About what you meant, I do not believe

Though you may try to conquer the sea

Doesn’t mean you can escape what you are to me

As oceans swell and fall back with the tide

I signed up for it all so I’m down for the ride

And if it may happen the moment perchance

I’ll just be the post script you tried to romance

And emotionally abuse what you have found

I have to admit I love when you’re around

Because for all the lies you conceal with a stare

You cannot hide what I know is there

And hidden beneath each surface I touch

Is someone within and I love you so much

Though they may call it codependency

They never saw horizons like you and me

And clipped are their wings as they settle for less

Than the subtle perfection in my distress

So don’t regret what you cannot achieve

I am forever bound to the darkness you weave

And what is real will stand monumental

You’re not a bad guy just cause you are gentle

And let your voice drop so soft and low

I only hate what I don’t want to go

Cause you can’t abstain from all you desire

I never want to be the one to put out your fire

Ephemerality and the lack of constraint

Are all a part of the picture you paint

And I guess I just wished I could be the one

To unlock the chains so you’d come undone

And relish the life that makes you what you are

But I am only light fusion bound within a star

An effortless firefly in the cosmos complete

I was born to be gracious in defeat

And find the source of the unquenchable longing

The home to fulfil my sense of belonging

The ache that never seems to go out

But you soothe it so easily with your mouth

And the words that spill from your lips

Dash on the rocks as my mask slips

Into trust and vulnerability

As you perceive strength in my fragility

And though there is substance in all you portray

They just write you off as consuming your prey

But I could never object to being such quarry

Or bend the knee to say that I am sorry

Though you steal from me all I ever had

The reality of you could never be bad

Never knew what it meant til I got you alone

You are the crack in my heart of stone

A weakness no one can repair

The mark you left will always be there

And they say don’t suffer just as evidence

But I’ve always lived this way because I can’t condense

My feelings into a digestible form

I may be an ice princess but my blood is warm

A reminder of what is eternally true

In the cynicism we’ve grown through

And that somewhere, somehow a celestial being

Once gave me the gift of what he was seeing

To be revolved in perceptual bliss

I only grieve the things that I miss

And even loss can be profound

When you listen to the open sound

And realise in space and time

You can’t always make matter of what is divine

And claimed by death must always be

The starcrossed lovers of destiny

					

	




					
						


		

		

			
The Monumental Fire
		

		
.Reading time 4 minutes.

		

			
I guess I just got caught in a monumental fire

One that burns me up and never seems to tire

Of eroding me right down to my core

I look to you for help and you tell me I need more

And I guess that you were scared of what I had to offer

Cause it threatened all you had and you needed something softer

But sorry I am made of magnetic steel

And there is no tempering how I feel

Like an ocean, like the sea, like an iceberg standing lone

I always seem to be missing my quintessential home

And I just thought you had it cause when I fell into your arms

You quieted my thoughts and silenced my alarms

And I felt a strange sort of peace descend on my soul

Like I had found the one thing I depend on to be whole

And how you matched my heart with your delicately so

I would have given all I had if you didn’t have to go

And leave me to depart on some far flung trek

I would have walked out on a wire and risked my neck

But to hear you deny me like I never even existed

Took more strength than I owned to have resisted

Crying out for the other half of who I am

And praying that you would understand

But your gaze turned icy cold

And I could see my entitlement in the way I started to fold

And break like that and come apart at the seams

I had always believed in the reality of dreams

And that what was foretold would come to pass

And that one time only love could do nothing but last

But the chains encroached and wrapped around like vines

And I couldn’t speak when you declared you were not mine

But belonged to another and were bonded at the core

When you know it is impossible you only want it more

But I let the full weight of it break my wooden frame

As I conceded to myself I was in love with a name

That stood for a symbol that I was longing to be

What I loved about you is you accepted me

With no conditions and no rules, no, just as I am

So when I shattered the stone I thought you would understand

But it seems there’s only so much you can take

And I will never speak to you again for your own sake

So go live your own life full of happiness and wonder

And I’ll remember how you moved my earth with your rolling thunder

How you cascaded rain down the panes of my vision

And how you hit me in the heart ruthlessly and with precision

And how you struck me on the spot and made me to be

The living embodiment of my own destiny