Do you allow space to breathe for the other side Because they need air to survive And if you suck all of it out of the room Then you’re both falling into the doom Because they’re our brothers and sisters And they may be misled But they still fall asleep in their own bed With a million things running through their head In the guise of something to protect Because something reject What has always been And you might see it differently but the dream Will always stay the same Until you have given it a name And said its verse In a lyricism you cannot rehearse I know they have a point and I know I want change But also know that making strange Never helped me a day in my life I met the man and I became his wife Though he never knew And now you Must face the great wave Of being there when there are people to save And how can any of this do any good When there are people paying with their blood For the slaughtered masses As we learn in our history classes That we are so beyond this now Til it breaks out and somehow I know we have not transcended An agreement yet to be amended The injustice makes me quake But greater yet is the space that wake And hold the ground For the sheer absence of sound In the din If I praise Him Am I only a Christian Or do I live out the promised mission To its conclusion I think I see the root of the confusion Though I could be wrong Every syllable contains the song
I don’t know what to do I just know I want to do something for you And if they’re bombing the crossing, people shelter there And I don’t know if they care If they see their targets as human beings With lives, with loves, with pains worth freeing And you would think the great illness would have brought us together Instead of this winter weather That always rains in the Middle East Another father, another doctor, another deceased And if this is not genocide Then I don’t know how anyone can hide Behind the rule of law And the great thaw That seems to be underway I know what the people say It’s everybody’s business when something’s on the line But something corporate is hard to define As the wounded dance along and entwine Protesting that everything’s fine But it’s not Have you forgot That mystery must always break into the unknown And when the grass has grown Will people look back with mute silence Divesting their own part in the violence By mild complicity As the anger comes to your city In the guise of something new We’re all interconnected and that means you
I watch with breaking heart As my hands break apart And the students call for change Meanwhile the studies rearrange Themselves around a new constellation A new age, a new installation And I’m powerful in my surrender Something about me makes people remember A land before time And it is not mine It is something else in the sea Vague remnants of eternity That build itself into a fort I have nothing to report And do I go against the grain The great movement of monumental pain That seems to foreshadow a darkened age And if we don’t clear the page Of all the words that have been written upon Then we’ll regret it when its all gone And I make no enemy But something has to be said about the unfree Who walk with chains on their hands Strangers in their own lands And its accusations of anti this or anti that But it’s about something you can’t take back Once it’s done And I’m still young But do I sacrifice My own life For what I can never be I just wonder why they don’t see What they’re doing to a population And if your education Inoculates you to your humanity Then it isn’t worth the paper they hand you by any degree
The blackened sun shines from eyes that are undone And I remember from when I was young That adults paved the world of grey And made you do what they say And it’s unconsciousness, it’s conflagration A darkness in a miseducation When you are taught to think But not taught to be aware of the sink In which everything will drain And must we let the pain Continue without reserve I love the world but, my word Humans are a violent creation And I can’t just switch the station For flick the TikTok Because it hurts a lot To see the children die And the mothers and fathers cry As they are dehumanised Like there are only bullets behind their eyes And a two state solution Could be the answer to the revolution That is bubbling under the surface I hope that they don’t hurt us For saying what we see to be true And I must stand with you For if we quake in cowardice We fuel a fire that burns us twice
There is a space that holds the pain Like the sky holds the rain And it’s a grand expanse Like how the leaves dance In the wind Like how my heart sparkled when he grinned And it’s not just errant love Or the loss of peace or the birth of a dove With an olive branch Sometimes I feel like I live on a cattle ranch Where people are always reigning me in And the bank tells me I must “begin” I dunno, the fuck that means When once upon a time the dreams That were bricks and mortar bound Were found to be unsound And the country was austerified And I’m not sure but I think they lied When the whole thing was on the verge of collapse The whole territory identified on the maps That say where things are But they can’t categorise the star That burns in the midnight blue An old king hidden in the heart of you And they tell you to grow up and they tell you to cop on But I can’t get over what is never gone What just remains In spite of the stains As the tears streak down my cheek I’m in class and I get weak And I feel the faint coming on And I wait too long To steady the ship And some people may shoot from the hip I’ve always been straight down the line I always tell the doctors I’m fine When they doubt what I am I don’t think they have ever heard the can As it’s kicked down the road Doireann Fox asked me because I think it showed And I always wanted to tell her the height of admire Was held in my heart for hers on fire And it’s been so many years And I’ve kicked back with spirits and beers But they never seem to come near To the euphoria and the bliss Of the one thing nobody can miss
They all called me the literary pen But she said she wouldn’t live it again And I felt flattened, raw Til I was thirty five in the great thaw And it’s an age I haven’t reached as of yet But it’s also something I cannot forget And she was it all to me Twenty years since I saw myself future hence Living with her in the past tense And it cuts like a knife To know that he and his wife Are no longer around And every breath relays the sound Of the emptiness of a chair And the person that once sat there It’s purple and maroon And there was once life in that room And saying goodbye nearly killed my soul So I just roll With the tidal waves And the people nothing saves Except the angels who come to collect The edges of the dreams I have wrecked I lay on the floor Of the bathroom I abhor Near the ward in Roscommon Hospital But there’s nothing soothing about the cross of it all Because I know what’s coming And she half raised this young ‘un And the nightmare is that it’s true And I know there’s is no keeping you Not in the way things were before Then I realised something about you, mo stór My grandmother’s prayers are still protecting me Even when it seems life is rejecting me I have another fifty years to go to reach the age of depart And I thought my whole heart Went with you when you go Didn’t realise it meant that you stay with me though Because the thump thump in my chest Still holds the strings of those I love best And the glass shatters all over the tiles And I pick them up for miles and miles Because there is a coffin across the road And I can’t escape the road That we all must take Til I collapse and wake At the wake And the person I will not forsake Not for all the money or the tea in China Is that all it will take to remind ya That love lasts forever Not a memory of a lost endeavour That sank to the bottom of the ocean And all this emotion Comes in waves Like seasons come in days Slowly, bit by bit I come to know who I’m walking with
A message to my tormentor, you know the one I try to protect I look up and the whole dream is wrecked Because I was perfect, I was pristine I was the ruler, I was the queen But then everything turned the dice on its head And I was screaming as I lay in bed Because I could feel my mind separate From the man I would love to date And it was as though someone had taken my knife And carved a chasm between husband and wife And I just lay there and silently toiled I was to the rescue but I was embroiled In all of what tried to tear us apart I was in UCD when the pain thought to start And nothing like Darragh or Marian too Could prevent the onset if what I couldn’t do To myself or to you So I ran for the hills Because this is the kind of thing that kills And the track was dusty and red And I begged you to tell someone instead And you did And I may have hid For years from your sight But I was watching that you were alright And I could feel the wrecking ball hit me where it hurt And I would be left sprawling in the dirt Then the boy with the beautiful smile Told me he’d like to hold me for a while And I was safe in his arms But then all the alarms Rang in St. Pat’s In the years I was afraid of baseball bats So I just do what they say Take the meds they prescribe so I can find a church to pray And there was a little chapel Beside the canteen and Eve ate the apple They had gifted to her But it doesn’t make me forget the Eden we were For a moment in time And I want him to know that he is sublime And no devil or rodent or snake or tail Can shake the foundation of what I let fail And it was Gareth Brooks And one for the books As I sipped a Coke And laughed along like I was in on the joke But secretly I choke And bless the place that gave me sanctuary And helped me get away from you and me The register said something about ambiguity And my insecurity Has me chasing Shauna around And asking her if she heard the sound She looks at me like I’m not well And also like I’m onto something she cannot tell So I back off but when she needs a friend I jump over the fence she thought to mend Like a wall between two neighbours who walk But both of us know that it is all talk And she holds my hands She is five years younger than me but she understands What it means to be bereft And she told me something about someone and their theft Of her innocent pure But I want her to know that the cure Lies in the heart in her chest It beats still fervently and knows her best Better than the wolf at the gate Or the people she has come to hate And I still fear the loss of the man Because I know it’s his life and I know that he can Do whatever he wants And it’s the kind of freedom that haunts Every word that I write And leaves me exiled to a silent night When I think he is already gone So I play that song Over and over and they sharpen the blade That would have you and I in the shade And I rage And let them take me to hell Because every ringing bell Just signals doomsday in my mind So don’t worry that I’ve left you behind I’m just trying to ruin the machine And break what would take the slate from the dream And I falter and kneel At the foot of what you feel Because to you its real And I would steal It all away if I could So that that look could not draw blood Because you are the quintessence of good And I meet you in the wood When all the noise dies down And you say something about a beautiful gown As I take it off Our hands touch and all is not lost
I feel like human again now there’s a chink in the chain And you know you’re from Ireland if you trust the rain To always fall There used to be a Berlin Wall To separate the East from West Like they separate me from the one who knows me best And they trap me in a cage So I let it rage on a page All the good they ever did Was just to confirm that I’m His Am I crazy Do I let it faze me Or just let it raise me From the dead And I lay in my bed In Dean Swift And Emmett said whisht Don’t worry your little head And he all but winked at me instead As I lay there and just stared But I dared To cross a line That was so fine As a pen with a nib Can I ad lib And find a quote That I could float Did you know that I wished You were not a star that I missed As I shoot past your gate And I may have learned to hate The gatekeepers at the door But you’re something I adore And the fallaway floor Let’s me out again I call it men But really it’s human kind And women want equality But it’s revenge that’s on my mind For the guy that took me down And now it’s an ocean that I drown In my wide open air Is there any proof that I was there When the final crack of the whip Split my lip And I bleed words into the abyss Why do I still miss Someone who did that to me And if you’re chained to the sky are you free Like Dylan says I’m not sure anyone is listening anyways
I get this feeling, it’s like an irritation And it has me running to his station To see what I can’t download But the road Turns and I can’t see What he ever meant for me When he changed his tune Turned his head with me in the room And I know I can’t be mad Should let him off with the feeling bad Because I feel the spiral That has somehow gone viral On YouTube And even the coolest dude Is susceptible to The weakness of being open to A failing of words And following the herds Like a basket case That some demon somewhere wants to erase I stepped into the stream And the nightmare of a dream Came to show its face Did I really need to embrace The lowest of form So that I could be warm When he’d look at me I can’t hide the gaze that just see Into mystery And he thinks he so complex and he is so proud Of all that he does not say out loud But its echoing from you Like a ripple as I dip my toe into The river we were Before you met the ocean of her When you plunged into its frigid storm Did you remember the moment we were born In some distant haze Not I look as your gaze Tries to rest on me on the sand But I could never be that land Not when it’s arid and dry And I never did mean to make you cry It’s just I’m plush and green And I take the one seat ahead of the scream That violates lines And you’ve said it before, like a thousand times How you love it when She whispers prayers like an amen And I’m sure you do Pull needles though The jumper you embroider And I hope you enjoy her But don’t blame me for the why The resolve you never had to die In a fiery fuse I look at you two and I just bruise In the place where the picture meets my skin And then I walk into a room and meet him And he’s just like you But a bit more dangerous and outspoken too If that could be real Possible that I could feel That way again In a hall of willing men Who open their palms To me like they are giving alms To the girl I was for what I’ve become I was beautiful when I was young
I haven't ever found something that could kill the love in me Though I let the men I love go free Coz I'm not the traditional woman that makes a home I'm likely to leave you alone To grow into the boots that are you're own I'm likely to let you win and realise the game was thrown Coz I'm more than what I appear to be And I think it's time I let people see My heart is full most of the time And I guess it's a damn crime I shut myself away behind doors Left the men that my soul adores And just coz there's more than one Doesn't mean that the sun Doesn't shine from the skin Of every man who steps into the shoes of Him I see Jesus in their eyes As though it's the Buddha in disguise Some kind of awakened consciousness Or sentience I cannot discuss With anyone, anywhere I just want them to know I am there Always and forever And the flowers you drop will always be there As I pick the buttercups in the field Feel your breath on the wind and I yield To the warmth in my heart And I didn't mean for the end to start But it's just the way with some of these things And most girls are after rings But I just appreciate Saturn in the sky And think of how we all die Somewhere in the mist Some people don't even know they exist So surface play they swim the shallow pools And they put us in separate schools To keep the passion at bay But my heart knows the song your music play Grooving to the tune of Paddy wearing an ear pierce And the way his eyes would turn fierce When he'd look at me So deep and dark and eternity And he'd utter a sharp word when his pride was wounded And it was like the ball had rebounded Back into my chest So I just dropped it like I do it best But I still think of you sometimes I wonder if that is the worst of my crimes And I saw you in the Spiral Tree I waited for you and you looked at me And I held the barrier so you could get in But I don't know if I would be woman enough for him I just know his soul spells the sky in me It's your light infinity
I’m letting the monstrous go, the one that tried to eat me But it could not defeat me Because I hold Jesus in my core And I know who loves me more As they batter me with clubs and stones As I beg them to just leave me alone And Barry smirks and grins But I don’t have so much time for him Because I feel the pulverise try to latch a grasp And the asp Bites but does not sting And no diamond ring Is forthcoming But I like who I’m becoming As the doctor looks at me with plaintive distress And if I had to guess I’d say that she fears death But then she deals with it every day, I must not forget And tries to stave it off every way she can But I accept that every man Must one day give way to the sea And let the spirit become what it’s always been to me As natural as breathing or being born Why do the people look so forlorn As they contemplate A realm they cannot estimate With the power of the mind I let go all that I’m leaving behind And I feel myself losing it But I think that I’m choosing it As I walk towards the sun I realise that I’m the One
I don’t know what it is but something needs o be done Because there are people dying young From a disease that no one can see They say it’s mental illness but I don’t think we Are defunct in any sort of way We are just sensitive to the play Of light and form on the screen of life And people tick boxes like a job and wife And a car and a two point five Like those things mean you are alive Is it any wonder that there are those who want to die Who hide the way they cry From everyone so no one can see And that once was the girl I call me But something woke me up And now I want to share that love With anyone who has faded to grey And finds the flatness worse than anything words could say And is it adult to falter on the brink Of the things we dare not think To be confused and afraid to even breathe In case someone doesn’t get what they need From what we hold out in our hands And in the past people wanted lands Now they colonise our minds And taunt us with what’s been left behind But the eternal moment of Now Has become enough for me somehow And I try to explain to a priest The meaning of the deceased But he doesn’t get it So I say; “forget it” And let the river pull me away From everything they say To the winter in me It kind of feels like being set free To feel the wind in my hair And know that I am there In the subterfuge and release I wonder do they notice the crease In my dress but I let it be seen And look up from the dream As I fall into reality I feel the Universe forgiving me
I burn CDs to know the truth And each song reminds me of you As your image fragments and splits into two A mirror reflecting what is already gone Twenty years old and sining your song As you let me see your heart And I turn the pain into art That I can turn over again and again Like an embroidered cushion of all the men I’ve loved in the past From Paddy to the one that will last Past the bounds of death And he says that he forgets What we were And only has eyes for her And I should let him go But I don’t think he know What he means to me And if the dream would let me be I would let him see That it’s he and I eternity In the wilderness and the scrub You know it that it’s true love When unconditionality breaks the kernel of The ego you thought was All that there was to you Now I know that I’m more than I could ever do In this world of form And the image of you makes my cheeks warm And my heart do a jig But you’re working on an oil rig And every fire I think to set Only endangers what was met In the honesty I let slip through When I told you that I love you
The line I shouldn’t cross Tries to tell me who’s boss With it’s threats and warnings And just because it’s storming Doesn’t mean that’s not how it’s meant to be Is the weather messing with me And I hear the call of Frances deep Behind every promise that I keep Somewhere int he wood Of the lines of feeling good As I surfed that wave And all the people I was going to save With my wilderness heart And the love that God had set apart For you and I But does the water die When it slips through your fingers And are the bringers Of the other side Really merchants of doom All I can say is I know when you’re in the room Coz I feel you before I see you But there are days I wouldn’t want to be you As I feel the current pushing forth Past the boundaries of no remorse And you found a safe haven with her And I don’t want to risk it on what we were So I can’t be your friend Coz I’m only ever waiting for it to end So we can take up where we left off And in that kind of love someone must pay the cost Of losing what they thought to hold So I put the letters in bold I love you but I’m letting you go I’ll hold on forever though, just so you know
It’s a nightmare we’re all dreaming And somewhere the children are screaming And it aches in my heart and it pulls at my soul Something crushes the begging bowl And flattens the land The hills and valleys that used to understand All the movement and all the sighs I watch a brother break as his sibling dies And his wails of pain seem all to familiar to me Because I know the crushing weight of the sea As it pummels the shore What is left to adore In this broken world And if I am just a girl How do I effect change But I watch the stars rearrange Every season in the sky As I ask God why He could allow such things And if the spirit has wings Does it fly away from here When it’s separated from the ones we hold dear In a man made disaster And there is no plaster Than can fix bullet holes And we’re all just supposed to play our roles In this great big cosmic machine And I thank God that it is just a dream As I rouse to wake The people that die for humanity’s sake I feel something break And go free in me Are we doomed to repeat history Or can we be the change we want to see If there’s a man in the mirror it starts with me
I feel the grey encroach upon my consciousness And who do I address the letter That I could do better And I need help to reach out of this prison cell Of all the people that wish me well And I’m just sitting in a café, what the hell I have to escape But I am right here, right now And that’s gotta be enough somehow But I strain against the edge of my chains And I know that the rains Will fall soon And the bells of doom Will echo ever near but ever far And every star Is born to turn into a black hole And what will happen to my soul When it quakes against the edge of the limit I have to give up the desire to “win it” Because it is no good to me now And I hate the conflict that I allow To penetrate the mist Of the zone in which I exist And is it just screaming into the abyss Throwing my prayers outwards in case there’s something that I miss In the soothing of an age I rip the page Out of the typewriter And search for something to ignite her
There is pain and there is peace And there is a moment where both cease To mean anything at all And I’m staring at a wall Just tap tapping my pen And I feel it all again And it is as though the universe rehearse The plaid shirt poetry in my verse As it speaks to me through life And I always thought I’d be a wife But that doesn’t seem to be my thing I would prefer truth over a ring And I can’t condense this immaculate soul Into something that is just a role For there is love and there is joy But can I tie myself to a boy Forevermore And forsake the soul I adore Or is there a way he can open the expanse So that both our spirits will dance Together in unison But he just chooses to get his gun And shoot at cacti in the desert I question his poor self worth But he doesn’t seem to be inclined to rise And settles like sand at the bottom of my eyes And the glass is half empty, never full I bathe his wounds with cotton wool So it will not inflict too much pain But how can a man stand this much rain And I know the fields are green so There is much that will grow And an abundance of fertility And for all his virility I can’t put my finger on what isn’t gone I just know I can’t ignore our song As I pull back from the book and gram Some metaverse serving someone’s plan In the ether It’s not me either It’s a seed to sow I hold on, just so you know And though you beg me to let go It’s just not in my make up So why don’t you just wake up And see the sky above your head it will keep you from the dread That forms moats around your castles And I know you want a girl with tassels But I don’t think that’s what I am I said to him as I hold his hand And in confusion iridescent blue Meets my own in a new hue
I try to block the truth from reaching me And all the universe is teaching me Has to turn into a baseball bat Instead of the original welcome mat He offered me love in the extreme And though it was a part of the dream It had something real to it too And I realised I was in love with you But I turned away Because what is it that people say We are too different to make it work And you are bathed in the hurt You’ve spent your whole life accumulate And you’ve let it make you hate People you don’t understand But you’re beautiful and I love you, man And I know the dial will turn to spin on me So I let you go free And I feel your resignation and resolution But you know that is no solution So I have to intervene Did you hear me scream When my brain came apart in two That was life splitting me from you And we both fragmented into an entangled particle And people start to call me “some article” But I don’t mind Because I have not left you behind You’re still in my soul Like the bed of truth and rock and roll And it doesn’t matter, come what may I’ll sing this song to you and you’ll wake and say I love you Laura And as I read your aura It will speak volumes of colour And all that made you duller Will lift and release And we will make that beast Retract into its cave Go back into the dark so grave Like the boy I could not save He became the man I crave
I don’t know what we were But I know I don’t wanna fight with her But I feel her get my back up When I offer her love And she slaps my hand Like the hourglass isn’t pouring sand And all of us into the ocean Why are you afraid to show emotion Is it just me Or is it the dragon that was set free Two decades ago And somewhere amidst the snow The annals of us are preserved I try to keep my cool but I am unnerved By the sheer lack of the sea In the meadows that lap against me And I can’t make it better and I can’t mend What she never broke but doesn’t intend To rectify There is a part of us that can never die And a part that does day by day I wonder why she is that way And the reason seems clear But she doesn’t know how I hold her dear And is it my lot to be unknown And only have my true colours shown When a stranger just walks into my days And tells me I’m free in so many ways And he thinks I hate him, I can hear him sigh But the mists move the mountains and I cry Out with the fear of it But he’s alcohol and I take a sip And find myself head of heels Like I’m lost on instagram reels Just trying to find my source I am not a child of divorce But I know the fracture when the world splits Or the chasm that opens when death hits You hard in the gut And someone you love things you’re in a rut But I would never leave the flowerbed Above the grave that marks your head So I’ll just let you know That I was not born to let go
It’s the little things Like wedding rings And fire that ignite And I hear that you like What you see And when the person is me I blush and then sigh And I don’t say goodbye To you again Coz I’ve made my peace with the notion of men How you can’t show affection Without them wanting to add you to their collection Of dolls sitting on the wall But that isn’t me at all Except when I’m walking by the rows And the feeling shows As I smirk And I didn’t think that this would work But it does And the story starts because I let you in the door When I’m walking on the ground floor Of the building grey But the door unlocks when you say Hello to me I didn’t think that I would be Clutching at straws at thirty three
Did you not notice you already buried me I say to her as she sets me free Of her bullet strung chain That she shakes around herself in vain Because I’m like the white horse that’s gotten away And there’s nothing she can say That will hold me there now And somehow I know this will be the last time her oppression Tries to elicit a confession From my lips And I always liked eclipse But the thread is always there to fray And its like what you say I already know That’s why I’m letting you go
She uses broken arrows to fire at me Then says that she sets me free But her archery is not second place And she knows how to deface A wall with her spray paint eyes And bulletproof disguise And we’ll never be what we were Because you cracked the crisp leaf beside her And stabbed me in the front (only enemies stab you in the back) Still though your love don’t mean jack Not now, not anymore And I’ll always have affection for you, mo stór But our two by two is now shattered glass Because you thought he just wanted ass And so you sought to protect Me from being a reject But in seeing me in the lowest terms I set fire to the hay and it burns Up all the crackling grass And she said that this too shall pass But she’s not the one who has to live through the story I know she’ll just ignore me If I try to press my case So I fall silent in the land gone to waste And spill it all out onto a page All my bubbling pain and held back rage When she’s in the room I don’t know, you echo the bells of doom
I walked on the eggshells of not knowing where to look Should I do this one by the book Or throw the rules out of the window I know she has her eyes on him though As I spy her through my eyeglass And we both agree that Darragh is class And maybe I shouldn’t mention his name But he’ll only see this when I’m way high and fame Has taken me to the door Of all the people I love but mo stór Let me tell you you were epic And I hope I didn’t wreck it And that somewhere in your heart You still have me on start And hit go every now and then I look up and worship as you say Amen To the starshot in my eyes I almost dropped the disguise When she asked me which guy I liked And my courage almost spiked But then I just deflect I think she knows though, I suspect And it was over ten years ago Time passes (most people don’t know) But something’s eternal, something’s ever there Like the way I know you care As we walk the dark path into the grounds Of the apartment complex and all the sounds Fall to the silence of our footsteps I cried that night into my own regret And it was one of the first few days I started writing again In the end something begin And I went chasing after Haley’s comet But someone else is already on it So I just wrote this note to say I still think of you, okay Even if it’s though the moonbeams And the dresses that are ripped at the seams Because they took their cutting scissors to them Still, I wish I could play you again
There are childhood haunts They rise up and grip And I am myself when I let the mask slip Like Keyz and I playing Freespace And all the years that went to waste Just soaking in the sun When I met the man I love I run And I don’t know why that is Because I’ve always been his And if I could only explain to her What we were I think she could understand It wasn’t like I had anything planned I just know what soul speaks And I count the years, months and weeks Since we’ve last talked Since you walked And the demons sat on the edge of my consciousness The doctor said I was “in distress” But he doesn’t know jack And I want my freedom back The freedom to feel, to wreak havoc or hell Without people telling me I’m unwell As they submerge what’s only tide And try to kill what is alive In me But I’ll always be This girl of colour and plunging dark It’s from the night where rises the spark And it visits me again and again One day it’s a bird, next it’s men And then I realise I won’t settle Thorny as a rose and stinging like a nettle But somehow singing like a kettle When you put me on boil Or is that just what it is to be a Coyle
I could tell that he wanted to die And I just wanted to tell him not to cry But how can I be of use How can I be the proof That life is worth living And there's nothing that needs forgiving You are innocent, pure And I trust in that place in you, for sure But you don't believe me and I watch you turn away And I am lost for words to say Just know that I will be here, here And I will make it crystal clear That I am not going anywhere So don't you dare Depart these lands Because someone understands Even if she blushes when you smile Even if she'd watch you for a long while Even if she'd make pain into art And wait before she gives you her heart Even though it's yours for the taking And I'm not faking I'm just shy and a little afraid And you're so bright I seek the shade So I can look out from there And make sure you know I care I count every step you take To me and with each one I hope you wake To the notion that love is true And that it will always be in me for you
I find that the explosive anger hits me right where it hurts But I have to admit that it was there first And has a right to existm There were years that I missed Before I was born And things were torn Like the veil of the sky When someone is about to die And I used to cower in fear When it came near Like a monster in someone's shoes Til I found a man that sings the blues And I would be willing to give up that terror Just so I could correct the error In this thinking That has him drinking In the idea that "no one cares" May I be the one who dares As I reach out to hold his hand And hope that I understand Everything under the weight of his cloud I walk like a widow in a funeral shroud Mourning all those who've died But he catches the tears I've cried And I can see in his eyes That he would have tried If no one had been there to stop that train So I come round again To sit on the cart And give him all of my heart You are a special soul And I'll be with you as the waves roll Come what may It doesn't matter what people say It only matters what you are And you, my love, are my burning star
I like an iced drink on the rocks Like I used to like Seapoint and the playing slots Because my grandmother created a memory with me As we bet on 5p To reveal the mystery And she had lost my grandfather to history But she did not stay long Is it wrong To see the poetic madness in following the one you love To the grave or to above If that’s how you see it And something tells me I’ve got to just be it And he’s miles away from me But I don’t want him to see He’s always been the one my soul chooses And everything is just weight that he loses As he untethers his pain And something brings us together again I’m making this masterpiece so that you Might know who I’m talking to When I follow the fuse To the one I always choose
You go be a realistic adult Just leave me as I am I don’t need your adequate prose Or my life to plan Just let the shards fall softly Like snow from the sky The wages of sin is death So excuse me while I don’t reply To all your locked boxes Checked like they would Did you really find your refuge In an abandoned wood Coz it’s been so long since twenty one And longer since twenty two And now I find I’m covetous Of all that belongs to you In the winter that breaks the snow And the places I would not go For love nor money I’m an author now, honey And your smash and grab won’t win Oh, what I did to him To prove our love was real Was I really out to steal Or just to interrupt With that hat that I adjust Like so on my head And now the man is wed But inner dimensionally And guess what it’s to me And my hands shake as I write the letter Said I know I love you better And the ink is splotched and tear stained You can tell the places the clouds rained Down from my eye As blue as an azure sky In the coast that we frequent Don’t know where the trouble went
Death stalks even the most fertile of land I would go as far as to say you can only understand Life if you’ve had a little loss Not just make up and candy floss To keep yourself looking young And your song is sung When you’re eight one And looking in the mirror That girl you once were, do you hear her “She was a good age”, that’s what they say But I still blame God for taking you away Just a little too soon And I’m in the room And I’m crying, screaming And if I am only dreaming Then why does it hurt so much Why does it feel that all the love I’ve ever had has departed No second chances, only heavy hearted Ways and means And moonbeams Sing to me of you Something about white light and what it can do To free a soul I know you were old And I was twenty nine And I should be fine But I’m not So I take the last shot That has ever been fired And I only fall asleep when I’m tired From all the crying and wailing against What God whispers to me is heaven sent And she never had to experience covid or crisis Had angels around her when she shut her eyelids And it’s selfish but the pain Is the only thing that remain In me for you Because all the blue Of the sky has absorbed you in And maybe now you are with him Somewhere in the serene And seventeen Is come again When you lose someone, a really good friend But you find yourself among the debris And if anyone is looking for me You should let them know That I always follow where you go And into the mystic, into the free I’m still here but something has left me Like a bomb shattered house that loses its frame Like a sage who goes by a different name Like the winter that bursts into spring Like waking up to everything
Meeting Joe Black was the end of my life The birth of the Son and the last of the wife That had ever been in my veins I dried my eyes on sleeves that are tear stained And he looked so soft and serene Til he tore through my dream With a knife and an attitude Coz he was a really cool dude And he had a point to prove He could never lose To a girl Coz the world Only ever appreciates A woman for who she dates And she’s chosen you And now you don’t know what to do So you just set a fire And I tire Of this leadránach So I leave you for the shock Of your life I won’t say it twice As I give you every chance To ask me to the dance And when you don’t Well I won’t Stick around To be the sound You love to hear But only when no one else is near And you can hide Behind the facade you hate inside Because all you ever do Is hop scotch between the lines that you want to Really cross But all is not lost Maybe someday your light Will meet it’s own Jean White
Is it wrong I don’t want to “have kids” And I reject the idea of being his Because I don’t want to be owned Always revelling in the unknown And my sister thinks it’s the only way But I have learned that what she say Is only an expression of how she sees And it’s not up to me to believe In something I don’t want Forty two and the haunt Eating up my heart and soul And is it Jackie and Wilson to be whole Because when you hit thirty everyone expects You to just have sex And make three out of two Or more if possible to issue from you And when you’re a teen they warn you that Your life will be ruined if you create something you can’t take back And I watch all these children dying In foreign countries and they’re crying And I just want to reach out and touch And tell them I love them so much And I am doing everything I can To resist the man Who says that war is the way to peace And all these people that decease Are just casualties and collateral damage How can he stand the carnage And I know it’s not up to me to blame And no one really is their name They are the depths and so much more But I must tell you, mo stór That you are paving the path to hell And I can’t just stay out of it and wish you well Or be obstinate refuse Boycott the brands I will not use I must let a new dream birth And create a new dawn all over the earth What is the feminine reveal Is that she can only ever steal That which is not real
How do people get like that, is it believing that the age you are Is anything more than revolutions around a star And I may be thirty three But I’ve never been more free As they put handcuffs on me And tell me to preserve my dignity If I want to shine But I’m self effulgent and love is mine Though you wouldn’t know it from my visage Don’t feel bad It isn’t all your fault I kicked you out of the vault After letting the key slip into your hand And now I demand That you break like a wave upon my shore If you want me to love you more But it’s just like listening to the scene She wakes her own dream Up from where it lay And I don’t get a say About the perforate you opened And something is hoping In what you never were to me I take a moment and I just be
I search my memory for some remnants of pain But when I find them it is in vain Because they don’t reflect the sky like they used to And though I’m superhuman I still bruise too And you can see the blue through my translucent skin Is it wrong if I say it was because of him Because he silences my voice, puts a hand over my mouth Til I don’t have a choice but to dwell in self doubt Is this the gaslit anthem or just some season that falls In the autumn down the halls Of the ceremony we once were Now I watch you bow to her And I won’t stand in competition So you say to her the bitch is gone I can hear it in your tone When you talk to me on the phone Through clenched teeth As I try to share the beach That got me through a sparser climate But you are an intelligent primate And you can make your own decision now If you break the heart that I allow To fall into your hands Is it my fault that slipping sands Can’t be stayed by frantic movement And when you find the Divine you cannot improve it
I thought God could only ever be found In the complete absence of sound In the silence that descends On my room as the riverbends From lavender to primrose and flame And I wake up from my name And it all seems so perfect, true Til I met you And it all cascaded down You wanted to run my town So you could have a girl in the wings And, my, you love the way she sings But you don’t understand her And you demand her To be as you would please Up on her tiptoes or down on her knees But neither one will ever be me So I let you go free Though I love you with all of my heart I won’t make pain just to make art Or love Or fit like a glove Into a biological cog I dream of a fire burning a log While we lie on the rug before it And you know I would adore it A blanket made just for two But it never was me and you We spit fire into each other’s veins And in the aftermath cleaned up the bloodstains On the carpet where we fought It was in darkness that the ring was wrought And cascaded into eternity You asked me to burn with thee But I let go that crime And am absorbed into the sublime And even if they don’t get me here It doesn’t mean I’ll run to you dear If you make a fool of me When I just wanted life school and mystery To encompass all we were I dropped the glass when I saw her And it broke and shattered on the floor You don’t even hide that you adore Another pair of eyes And my trust in you dies Slowly but surely in the awe That you could begin the Great Thaw
Did you make a mistake telling me to go to hell And now all you want to shout is that you wish me well After all the evidence to the contrary Now you hold vigils and pray to Mother Mary But you don’t find any answers there At least not the ones that make you care And I spilled truth like ink All over the kitchen sink And you balked at its black, viscous flavour And I looked at you as though you were my saviour But you only saw the war And you crucified me for What you sought to keep Now it haunts you in your sleep And you can’t get my voice out of your mind It whispers to you as to what you’ve left behind And your bed is warm But you look so forlorn At the shape that sleeps beside you in the sheets And you wonder if two people ever meet On a level playing field And I feel you hate me so I yield To the tide of going away It isn’t indifference that made me sway And let the ribbon float into the air It’s because I loved the man that was there
There is a witching hour And she lives like she has all the power To throw weight around And her sound Is a fearsome blame When she throws everything at my name Like it will stick And she says he’s just being a dick But I don’t believe it I saw his heart on his sleeve, it Will never escape my memory Even though their war got the best of me As they pummelled my frame Hit me like every blow was the same I will never betray Him by lying about what he say The truth spills And time kills Everything it touches Nothing there is but something fucks it Up And love Is no exception Except there is Jesus and his Resurrection That reminds me there is truth And there is not just youth But maturity I woke up to the best of me
She has to have noise Like I have to have boys Because when it gets too silent it blocks out the light And she realises she is not alright So she scrolls on her phone Even though she is all alone And somewhere in the forest of tears She finds the reason for all these years Spent in resistance to the cause Spent in fury at a life on pause And I can only dance And hope that she gets a second chance To be all she thinks she is But one thing’s for sure is that I am His And she worries the thread Frays it as she lies in bed For the trouble of what amounts To the lies that she surmounts In order to maintain a coherent frame And I cannot even mention his name Or it sets off a torrent of words To make sure the truth goes unheard And that holy bird Learns to live on a silent wing Because I gave him everything And I’m not taking it back Though they attack Me from every front and place For daring to love his face When the pretence drop And I am not The words she uses to condense Everything into the present tense It’s humiliating As if he’s just some guy I’m dating On the sly And the reason why Is more than she’s ever known She thinks she quenched it but the seeds that are sown Only flourish in the darkest earth And everything she uses to hurt Me with For being a “bitch” In modern parlance Is nothing, darlin’ I just brush it off And whisper to him “all is not lost”
The life I’ve always wanted receded into the distance And when I reached for it I only felt resistance As I confessed my secret heart He took his wound and tore me apart And with tears in his eyes He ripped into my disguise Til I stand with paper hands And look at the sands Slipping through the cracks I know we can’t go back From this I though you might kiss Me when you found out the truth Like I know you wanted to in our youth And I put you off And you splutter and cough And tell me you have no time For what I found in the diamond mine And soldered to a band of gold for you In a past life I was the one to Go down on one knee Reversed genders, same eternity And I propose a solution to the problem Because together, all of the troubles, we’d solve them And you’ve found another partner And it would hearten her If she knew how you talked behind her back And the girls that you attack In her name I don’t mean to lay the blame But is it just gonna be the same As it was two hundred years ago With your blonde hair and the way you kissed me slow
The grief crumples me like a deck of cards And no one knows how hard It got in the midst of the night And I contemplated the death of the light Coz everywhere I looked it was black And the dealer stack Everything against me My best friend resents me And that person that wants to take me down Looks like she runs this town As she commands the sea And turns the whole tide upon me And as it rushes and consumes Something pulls me from those rooms Into a place I’ve never been But somehow had already seen Maybe in a dream or through a past life And every man looks for a wife When he reaches a certain age I just reach for the page Because the immortal hue Has stopped shining from you It’s like you buried it somewhere When you say that I just don’t care And it’s impossible to get through to you So I say goodbye too As you hang up the phone Could you just leave me alone?
In the land where death is real People lie and people steal People cheat and people thieve But it’s all coz they believe In a sudden end and in separation It is reinforced by years of education Not only in the school But by social rule Where they must obey Everything their elders say Only to grow up to be A repetition endlessly Instead of creative and new And everything they swore they would do When they were five years old No one has to be told To be pilot, to be king To be bird upon the wing But you have to be sold On being bad, on being “bold” And every child knows The phrase that everything goes The way it should be I love eternity As it presents myself Amidst “mental health” Challenges, they say I’m crazy But you know it doesn’t phase me When I’m twenty eight and in Dean Swift But the captivity was a gift As they try to sit me down And say that I will drown In all that is unwell It’s a byword for hell But I just don’t buy Everything they try To sell It’s a secret I never tell But I’m soaring high Something can never die And I will go to the lowest low If it means that someone else’s dreams Will wake before they shake By the bones and skin It’s not foolhardy to trust in Him He who moves the sky into spacious understanding He who shows the way without ever demanding That you should follow suit Oh, the world that we pollute With our constant pain That falls as acid rain Or bombs upon the children Instead of heartfulness to fill them With hope and with pride And gratitude that they’re alive I’m sorry to say That going the wrong way Means you must repent And all things are heaven sent Until you realise That every time someone cries It’s an echo of the sound That means God is around To show you where the deep Is something you can keep I didn’t know that I Was blessed until my Whole world was shaken But just like in a dream I waken And suddenly realise That nobody dies Not in the way we think But you don’t know water until you drink From that holy font It is everything I want And everything I never knew to ask I just dropped the mask And all was revealed I guess you could say that I was healed
How about goodbye And you made me feel like I wanna die So I close the door Pretend I don’t love you anymore But I do It’s always you Amid the curtains pulled And the pain, it dulled As the years passed But I wanted it to last So I would have something to hold onto But your love stuck like glue In my heart And though we are miles apart And time and space None of it is gone to waste Because I would do it a thousand times over Just to find your four leafed clover Growing in the grass And I loved to learn in class But nobody taught me a lesson like you I’m just not sure I wanted to Let you go And I know That everyone dies And the child cries When her grandfather passes And it’s the wisdom of the masses To mourn and then move on But there is a hole where he is gone And nothing can repair it I dare it To swallow me whole But my soul Just grows more vast And life asked Me to be free So I let go and eternity Came to kiss my lips In the middle of an eclipse Where all was night But in the darkness shone a light And nothing can drench it Nothing can quench it No pulling thread Can unmake where I made my bed
The epic story of the oddessying hero If you want a race I’ll make it to zero Before you do if I find the words I’ve my feet on the ground but I’m away with the birds And I found myself locked in a room They tell me I’ll be out pretty soon But it’s like they’re caging the beast And it’s roaring for a feast Tearing me to pieces inside I drop the walls I used to hide And all of the people were magnificently pure And I’m integrity that just endure As they’re listing reasons I’m not well But I’m full of a secret I daren’t tell As I wonder why the guy is wearing shades As we meditate upon a page And it’s like a story that’s never been told I wonder will I weather it when I get old Or will these days leave a track On skin that can’t take it back And I’m always waiting for her to care But she just shakes me outta her hair And tells me it’s for the best So I set sail on my own quest And if I’m a hero why do I die On my own with a sigh Then pull myself up onto my knees To answer all the pleas I hear in my mind I wonder at the life I left behind And if anyone will set out on my track Coz, Lord knows, I’m not coming back And I’m weary but I’m also full of hope The kind of optimism that copes With every setback that waylays And I’ve learned to take a grain of salt on days As it meanders in a thousand ways Across plains and by open bays Into the avenues I know And this train never slows Only takes me by the hand and shows The light the window throws And if you’re indifferent to my plight You gotta know that I’m alright
I’m not going making an enemy out of you Not even if the whole world wants me to And you’ve got the force of the women’s cause And I’m on a stereo hitting pause Because I can’t cope with what I see That you had her as well as me And I know it’s lame and it’s a whole joke And I can’t get by on what I wrote But I see you sometimes in the air And feel the space where you’re not there And everything’s like an answered prayer And you’re the angel by which I’d swear But the mountains roll down to the sea And I am nothing if not free Of everything you got to be I don’t know if you were looking for eternity But it was forever on the grass Just the kind that doesn’t last And you were the rain that lashed And all the diagrams that smashed But somehow you made a different choice And I decided to hide my voice In the realms of empty pages I’ve written odes to the ages Up against an empty wall And I was running down the hall Just to catch the trail of you Til I realized you don’t want me to So I just stop and stand still Feel the force of all that will Strive to keep heaven away But it’s one shore I can’t hold at bay And the march of time just goes on Will there be a day when we’re both gone Or does something just endure I call it the wave of pure Consciousness that just abides There are oceans that survive The still and empty way you move And if love is just a point we prove Then there’s nothing left to lose I don’t have a choice but it’s you I choose
Is she just a fake ass bitch Or am I the judge and just rolling with it Like a ball down the hill It’s good weather so take your fill Of all the summers that you missed I found the photo where we kissed For the very first time And no crime Could ever amount to the trouble you gave There is nothing left to save As I keep my best for another day And I still like you okay Even though faraway is green You still hold the keys to dream Out into another sphere You’re far away but very near And close in my heart Don’t start To berate me once more So, I’m not something you adore And the store Don’t hold the half Of the feeling of you waking my laugh Up from inside And I hide Away in folds and creases You look at me and the grim releases What had been held so true I’m just wishing for some time with you Some ages or some years Some eons and some tears To cry with a happy note You’re my favorite one to quote When everything is flowing with the breeze Living a life of unconquerable ease In the lush growth I am quiet so I left a note To tell you I am here And that I love you, dear
I keep holding out For the Divine Death The one that time Cannot forget You can all it enlightenment You can call it liberation But I woke up From my own education Only to go on Picking up stones Going from place to place And calling it home And I’ve always been a rambler Out for adventure But I’m struggling With my own self censure Coz there are lines With which you do not agree And I can only point it out I can’t make you see And you’re drinking Bottled water from the tap And I keep wondering What are you at But it’s a mystery to me All these flicking pages And I’ve been wandering For ages and ages Trying to catch your trail As it winds through the undergrowth I’m tired walking The less travelled road Searching for something I cannot find Missing what I’ve left behind
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
We could all be under earth pretty soon Am I the only one who hears the noise in the room When it’s silent as hell And there’s all these people wishing me well But I can’t help but feel that it all pull asunder The rattling windows to the sound of thunder As it all caves in And who would win When the triumph is naught It’s like some disease that we’ve caught That makes us capable to kill And at will The degenerate Comes to pull apart the state Of affairs and of the mind I swore I would leave no one behind
The wrench I try not to feel Coz it means I’m mentally ill if I cannot deal With the wave that races to the shore And it crushes everything I adore And all are sandcastles, all are water I’m just a lost, lonely granddaughter Who may never see you again And you were the best of men Though something whispers to me that you are here Closer than close and ever near And I look for it in their eyes But all I ever see is the disguise That hides you from me They equate eternity With what they can know With their mind, so I pull away Because I know you cannot stay Not here, not with me You are free And I unlock the chains That keep you incumbent to the rain And all the aching that I feel Is the only thing that is real As I run to St. Pat’s And they dutifully hit me with baseball bats Til I can’t feel the grief They must replace the belief With a shallow kind of pain The kind that has people squint with strain And say, sure isn’t that the way But I return to the bay As it opens out onto the Pacific And I have to say it’s fuckin’ terrific And lays all my shreds bare Til there’s nothing left to tear And my dress may be ruined But I think God knows what He’s doing When he says to me I will take away the temporary So you can know the permanent How could hell be heaven sent?
There are tiny tremors that rock the boat But all it seems to do is float As it engages on the rocky sea As people wonder what the fuck is up with me And I can’t explain That I just come down with the rain And the pain Is sweet as the music Andrew plays As he sings away my days Into a crescendo of perfect purpose And the rigmarole seems like a circus Everybody loves But those gloves Don’t fit me anymore So I just shut the door On them And some part of me says Amen
There’s darker than that in the shadows And the girl rebelled on All Hallow’s Eve and there were claps of thunder I saw them taking my number So I ran and ran Now no one can Reach me And no matter what they teach me I cannot unsee the truth That perforated the wisdom of my youth They try to placate Say; find a perfect date Find a man you can settle down with Though it might be hard coz you’re such a bitch But I don’t care anyway I just sway With the leaves in the trees As everyone believes that down on your knees Is the way to free But it just isn’t me And the man is beautiful, the man is real But he just closes down how I feel And say’s to me on the phone Goodbye, Laura, now I’m alone As the bombs go off And I pay the cost For the rattling rain That hammers my doorstep again And again and again I can’t reasonably blame the weather on men But then I do I just blame you For casting me out For casting aspersions and self doubt On who I am And if I’ve any choice as to who I can Love, it will never be you Even if your baby blue Is enticing My soul is advicing Me to depart I do it all with solemn heart
The Poetry Book 