Tag: confusion

The Concrete Jungle

.Reading time 4 minutes.
There is a boy somewhere far away
And I know that no matter what he may say
He can’t escape me 
Or erase me 
From his grasp
And the asp 
Bit me on the neck 
Of the dream I thought to wreck 
And I wonder when we both might die 
Me by accident and you because you want to try
To see what’s beyond the pale 
And I know what is not up for sale
But I have no cash to buy
Just the lashes I use to lie
About who I am 
I look away and that’s part of the plan 
Because I cannot let you see
That you have found your home in me 
Because I know that someday we’ll be separated 
Whether by force or because we’ve been education 
To believe in the divide
And I abide
Somewhere between God and Mass
Between being a good girl and getting an A in class
And it’s something growing up in an Ireland in transition 
Where people still use ammunition 
To fire at you 
While tolerance is preached to you in the pew
And it’s not okay to be gay
Then it is (or at least that’s what they say)
And I think of Stephen Gately 
And the people who cannot find a home lately 
As the rows erupt
And people on the news say that we’re fucked
But I see another scene 
And it resides in all that we’ve been 
In all these centuries 
And the millennia before they told us who we could be 
If we just believed 
But the dragon falls and I’m relieved 
Of the burden I bear 
And I watch the fabric tear 
On all that I thought I knew
This land always meant more to me than you 
And I know you’re somewhere in the city
And I tried it for a while but it’s a pity
But I missed the hills of Kilglass 
And the soul that pours through the grass 
In the fields so green 
The college was a concrete jungle of all I’d never been 
And I found some kind of refuge in Darragh
But my heart is like a sparrow
That sits on a lonely branch and sings
For the boys that gives air to its wings 
And the girls fight over what handbag is on brand 
And I just stare and watch the sand 
Slipping out of our hands 
And wonder why they don’t understand 
That they’re gripping something that is made of leather 
And won’t make them feel any better 
And I know I’ve got to get out of there
Then I find Tessa and Jennie and I know that they care
As we find some kind of peace in Nutgrove Avenue 
And I drove my own car down the roads of you 
As I stay up til five
Exuberant in the knowledge that you’re alive
Somewhere over there on the west coast 
And I don’t mean to boast 
But I think my man is the best 
Because he’s deeper than all the rest
And I cannot contemplate 
A series of x’s and y’s that do not equate
To you and I forever 
So I sail this endeavour 
To it’s logical conclusion 
My confession and your confusion

The Armour Reflects The Light

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Against my better judgement I take these pills
I’m losing my mind like I’m losing skills
And I’m scared that they will wear my brain away
Like I am a knot and it’s started to fray
But it’s gotta be better than wandering the night
They say that I’m insane and I give up, alright
Allow them to ring in a decree
And proclaim what they think they know of me
And everyone agrees, they’ve got it all on check
And what I was seeing was strange and I wreck
The picture every time I seem to see
People trying to frame you and me
And Alan was cool like they had on the system
I walked away, you could say that I missed him
And everyone in their cracked portrait there
We’re just examples of how people care
And they say that if you go and show
You’re enlightened well then you know
You’ll be locked up by the brigade at sea
And I think that may have been what happened to me
And I fight and war with what they pronounce
Only another one to denounce
Like sleeves of silk and cotton up your arm
The meditation room the only charm
As there was music and CD’s
To ameliorate my supposed disease
And I made friends and I struck a light
In the room for squares I was held that night
And the awning gap just spells the chasm
What more can I say but that she has him
For now, for forever, but not with me
I gulp another one down with dignity

My Melancholia

.Reading time 1 minute.
The streets are awash with my well worn fame
But just coz you know my name 
Doesn’t mean you know what I am
And I have a plan
To be the best thing since sliced pan 
But I get interrupted 
And things must be adjusted 
To fit my frame 
I used to love the game
There was that time my vision narrowed
Watching films and the haunting harrowed
As everyone just moved on
The place where I stood was long gone
And images rose up like a screen
Popping bubbles in the dream
And I lay in bed
Trying to quench the firestorm in my head
At eighteen
In Roebuck Hall stifling a scream
Into my pillow
Now she’s released Willow
Into the world
And I’ve grown up a girl
Into a fortress strong
Resilient that could never be wrong
And I spilt ink all over the page
Used my pen to rage and rage
Instead of caging the beast
I let the paper become the feast
And devour the pain inside
I don’t think I need to hide
Coz I know there’s a whole plethora
Of people who wish they didn’t know that 
That which I’m talking about
And the words that came out of my mouth
Were confused and afraid 
Like the sun had just put me in the shade
But it’s all in the past
Though the strength will last
Some kind of quantum leap
In consciousness that doesn’t sleep
Even when my eyes close
Are there reasons for everything, only God knows

Hunger

.Reading time 1 minute.

I eat monsters for breakfast
And they reside inside me
Itching and screaming to get out
And express themselves
Amid the peace of an elemental world
That takes no fools and harbours no criminals
And I like a precious owner
Of the jewel that hides within
Jealously guard my own domain
Lest anyone make it past the barriers
I have so carefully constructed
Yet somehow, something got inside
And now for all my trying
I cannot put it out
And you,
With those piercing eyes
Possessed not only of the body
But of the soul
Tear me apart as though I am paper thin
With a violence not of this world
Simultaneously holy and full of treachery
As I, realise
We are not two
But one