Tag: bitterness

Not Pretty

.Reading time 1 minute.
Why am I not pretty
And it’s a chorus, are you singing it with me 
As they make up the foundation 
To sell us one side of an equation 
Seventeen to twenty four
Til they don’t want you anymore
And I fell into the sway
But it’s not what I thought, okay
As I was labelled beautiful and sexy 
Til I gained weight and then it’s like, next, we
Don’t have time
To be the victims of your favourite crime 
And you’re just jealous coz they don’t see 
The same thing when they’re looking at me 
And is it some kind of superficial 
To be so contrived in the official 
Way they tow the line 
Because I feel fine
The way I am 
Have no ambition to Uncle Sam
My way into the American dream 
And be a supernova queen 
On the cover of a magazine 
I just want to scream 
That everything just fades and falls 
And all the walls 
I thought I had up 
Just drop away in this love
As someone somewhere says I look like the sky
And the days I wanted to die
Are long gone
But that song
Still sings on repeat
Don’t judge someone 
Til you’ve felt their heartbeat

The Control

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
The control is like a vicegrips, it sneaks round my neck
And I wonder which part of me she will wreck
With the next seize
I let go and I believe 
That everything is okay
Innocently go about my day
And then it comes 
Like a wave of a hundred drums
Banging their beat
Like people with the floor and feet
And she snatches up what she can grasp 
But this thing can never last
Coz it just burns the fuse
When I am something she would use
To ameliorate herself
And gain some kind of wealth
In someone else’s eyes
But it’s a disguise
And the lies
Are so obvious now
But when I believed them, not somehow

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The Veins Of Truth

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The veins of truth pour the blood through me
It’s back to my heart and it sets me free
And my skin may be purple, blue
But it’s not because of you 
I just wanted you to know
That it was long before we met I wanted to let go
And it was in response to 
A girl, I change the font to blue
To represent those days 
Because she cut in me in so many ways
By lines, by degrees 
Then with a sword when I was on my knees
And my grandmother had just passed
And I’m sitting in class
When she has just let me know 
That she can’t “relate” to the snow
That’s falling from my sky
And suddenly I want to die 
And the breaths I draw in are sucked not in the flow
And nobody seems to know 
It’s like steel in my blood to enter the school
And I used to keep every single rule
But it never did a thing to keep me from the deep end of the pool
And I’m just standing saying a prayer
Because we’re Catholic and the teacher is there
Til, suddenly, dizzy, I lose consciousness
And the person I used to address
As myself
Has been lost in the wealth 
Of light pouring from the sky
And though no one says hi
To me anymore
I don’t care coz the open door
Has just let me in 
And I didn’t need to win
The war she fought with tooth and nail 
The success was in the fail 
And I just let her go
To torment someone else slow 
I wonder will she change 
But I will always be the kind of strange
That sees the city in each pair of eyes
And I hope she never cries
But her docking port will not be here
She can call on the God that is ever near 
And see if he can rescue 
Her soul from what threatens you
I know I’m by the shore 
Waiting for the man I adore 
To finally swim to land
He does and I take his hand
Like it is precious ore
I am not who I was before 
But I can be all that I am 
If that’s okay with you, man

Young And Foolish

.Reading time 2 minutes.
It’s as though as I’ve been infantilised 
So that I can become human in their eyes
And it’s not like me at all
It doesn’t fit the brick wall
That was erected 
In the space her love deflected
Like it was a poison drink 
And I feel myself begin to sink 
In the grand abyss
And my old self is something that I miss
When young and seventeen 
I could manage the dream 
Just fine
Til calamity became mine
As his darkness spread a sea
Over the blanket that had become of me
Like clouds keeping the earth warm 
Eventually the break into a storm 
That fosters the people in their solemn grin 
And they say that sex is sin 
But they all do it anyway 
So I push that characterisation away
Because if we go by generations past
The pain will everlast 
Into the future
And no suture 
Can heal the gauzy wound 
I watched the winds of doom 
Close in around that sea 
And they call it sacred warfare and indignity 
Seems to be the order of the day 
But I do not look away 
From the images that perforate 
The screen that masks the dark of hate 
That propels people into motion 
And suddenly I am floating 
Above it all 
And the call 
Pummels my door
So I answer it, and what’s more
I let it take me somewhere new
I’m giving it up for them and I’m giving it up for you

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Forgiveness And Its Release

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Forgiveness opens the heart
When you agree to be a part
Of this grand swathe we call life 
Even when it isn’t nice
And the bitterness broke
Like a sea over me 
When someone I thought
Would adore me 
Forever, shattered the glass
Told me that it just wouldn’t last
And I let my hand fall 
Coz I knew a brick wall
Is not for the turning
And my indignancy’s burning 
As she calls me out 
As a princess in an ivory tower
I abdicate and she has all the power
Whispering to ears
That I caused her tears
And am malign
If she wants an ending
Well that’s fine
I let her go 
No more chasing what I don’t know 
Coz I feel for her 
But what we were 
Is toxic through and through
She poured little bullets into
My coffee when I was set on drinking
My friends say that I’m overthinking 
The matter, it’s just jealousy
But she has the will to turn all against me 
I pass Sinéad McCormack in the hall 
She averts her gaze and my heart fall
In her confidence 
I’m all marks and little dents 
From the pillars she pricked 
You wouldn’t have thought the memory sticked 
In my soul for so long
For though I did no wrong
In my own estimation
I flick to her station 
And public enemy number one 
Is me basking in the sun
Of the God of all light
Coz He chose me, alright
When the going was tough
And I had run dry of all my love
As death pierced my balloon 
The rumblings of threat 
And what’s always too soon 
But she didn’t see
What I left in the library
When I closed the door 
I won’t be back here anymore 
And it was soft
I didn’t let her know she inflicted a cost
Coz I wouldn’t please her 
As they say
But would you deceive her 
Come what may
Into thinking she meant the sky
One thing’s for certain
We all die 
And the even fate
Levels it’s gaze at me as I wait
For the gong
And the throng
That follows suit
Do you think I am a flute
To live with your bite
And apologise to you, alright 
For being what I am 
I’m sorry but that’s not my plan
In the effervescent 
Look for true care and you’ll find the essence 
Of what I sought to impart
I’m an Aries and my heart
Will rule the head 
And instead 
Of giving in
I walk out, and that’s my sin 
As she looks on
At what’s gone 
And wonders why
Friends don’t try to make you cry
So, I hope you’re well
But as for admittance 
You can go to hell