Tag: belief

The Pulling Pain

.Reading time 2 minutes.
I try not to feel it
Will time heal it 
If I just let it burn 
But the world just turn
And they grasp my arms
Tell me they’re keeping me safe from harm 
And I feel the burning within 
It all came from him
As I can barely hold on 
To what is long gone 
And who I am craves for his flesh
The terror to think he might regret
Ever knowing me 
I cry on the phone, the tears are flowing from me 
As he grits his teeth and his tongue clicks 
And one of his best friends says he can be a dick 
And I just think of that Taylor Swift song
What if I was wrong 
And you never loved anything 
And the ring 
I thought I would wear
Is just part of the dress that would tear
As she wears it down the aisle
And I watch you smile 
Right into the face of your demise
But there’s death in your eyes
And it’s something I cannot avoid
It’s not like just loving one of the boys
It brings me to the brink of surrender
And a day that you “barely remember”
And I wonder if the gaslit anthem plays
Or if there’s any truth in what he says 
When he says that I am beyond the pale
Is it just that I am not up for sale 
That gets under his skin 
And he was flush with the cash but I wanted him 
Not the dollars he owes 
To the person whose garden he sows
With seeds aplenty 
But I look at him and his face is empty
Devoid of all emotion 
And the commotion 
Gets too loud 
So I let the borrowed fools crowd
Around me and operate 
On the person who just wants a date 
Sometime in April, coz it’s just the right air 
It would be great if you could meet me there 
If she lets you slip away
Out of her grasp and the break of day
Sounds a new dawn 
If you look to me you will see what was never gone 
Only unobserved
I gave you my word 

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The Empath

.Reading time 1 minute.
The empath walks and she believes
In everything she finds upon her sleeves
To be hers
But all the wars
That people fight
In their own candlelight
Are open season
And she finds the reason
To live
And forgive
The girl that broke her heart
And left her in the darkest dark 
In the age of fourteen
There were nights I couldn’t dream 
At all
And every wall
I ever faced
Was somehow out of place
In this vast open space
Like stars in the darkness of the case
We are all held within
And the notion of sin
Is archaic and grey
And I don’t believe in it anyway
As I make my First Confession
I sit in the pews wondering what expression
Of grief I should portray
Because I cannot find the way
To see evil inside of myself
Everything is ancient and on the shelf
And I take it down and dust off
The trust that all is not lost
As dawn breaks and I realise
That I am more open skies 
Than I ever was land
I see you there and I take your hand
And lift you up
And if I ever thought I knew love
It was this moment here
You are my eternal, dear

Central Park

.Reading time 1 minute.
Is it too long left unspoken
I say, man, I’m only joking
But I’m serious as death can be
I loved you so I set you free
But I spend every moment wishing you were here 
I love you so much, my dear 
And I every time I fail to catch
I leave the door on the latch
Just in case you’ll walk in
And I make up stories of me and him
To keep me warm in the grey dark
And I just walked around Central Park
Wondering what was there to give
If there’s a life I can let live
But somehow moments in the stunning
And I’m just running, running
Away from this pain that caved inside
Is there a reason why I hide
From all I thought I knew
It all revolves around you

Graham

.Reading time 2 minutes.

God occupies a place you could never reach
And I follow the direction of the words that you teach
But I never learn what he put in my heart
Only find different ways to tear it apart
And you think your reign is sacrosanct
So you exorcise or make me walk the plank
Choosing between the sharp end of a stick
Or water full of sharks who want to have a dip
And I mean you could be Satan in another life
Or Hitler to kill what he cannot ignite
But you can never put darkness back into a soul
That has seen the light in the course you enrol
And I could really laugh cause it’s so fucking scary
It takes the edge off the harsh and you act contrary
To be ridiculed as only flesh and dust
An earthly conglomeration that I do not trust
And I would boil the kettle but you do not drink
You do not understand the silence you think
Rolls into a wave submerging the sea
There’ll never be a day when you look up to me
But I’ll still take a cup and savour the warmth
I love the midnight in the depth of the storm
And you think you’re taking notes but you haven’t seen
The ring binder of files outside of this dream
I could make a study of how you move your eyes
What you try to do when you psychologise
What you are hiding beneath the skin
That says there’s a line around what can’t get in
But you breathe, I see your chest rise and fall
So you couldn’t be completely beyond it all
As you look for an answer you do not find
And I am not the details you search in my mind
As out of the blue with long lost and stark
I comet my tail expanding the arc
Til it’s all absolved in a holy hue
None of this is because of you
As silent guilt curves the corner
I saw it coming and I didn’t warn her