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Rape is an act of War

maleficient rape

Angelina Jolie talks about Maleficent Rape Metaphor

Something was brought home to me in sharp relief this weekend. I was talking to a family member about a prominent rape case that is currently in the Irish media. I was appalled by the behaviour of the individuals involved and the legitimisation of their actions by the defense counsel and segments of the media. Much to my surprise and consternation this family member spoke along a similar vein of victim blaming and shaming. To say I was shocked is an understatement. It is one thing to observe opinions such as this in the media and relegate them to the stupidity of the educated foolery of people who are accustomed to hearing themselves speak. Trolls, in other words.

The argument went as this: she shouldn’t have been there, she should have known, men are wired differently than women, there were two people involved, as well as alcohol. My anger burned and I could not collect my thoughts enough to form a coherent response. For me, the situation was thrown into sharp focus; I am not to trust a man in any kind of social situation where there is alcohol involved. It does not render him evil, rather it removes his inhibitions to the point where his natural violence is free to flow, as it were. In describing this as a violent crime, I was met with a stark refutation. Yet as a female, it is impossible to describe rape in anything other than the most soul destroying terms. Having never been the victim of sexual violence, I can only imagine the horror of such a situation, but imagine it I can and in listening to the lady’s testimony in the case referred to, I am struck with a ferocious sense of rage and an almost uncheckable desire to visit similar violence upon the perpetrators. To me, listening to her, and the kind of reception she is getting on the witness stand, my feeling is that a bullet in the brain would be far more effective than taking this man to court. If this were in my hands that would certainly be preferable to me.

However, that is not the way of the world, and perhaps with good reason. There would be a serious depletion in the male population if this was the approved course of action for such reprobates. Although, admittedly, there may also be a resultant drop in war mongering if females were the dominant gender, so it would probably balance out. I realise this kind of talk is not appropriate and I do not in actuality condone violence, even against men such as these. I am speaking like this merely to illuminate the feeling that such a violation evinces in women. For men, it seems to be no big deal, laughable almost. Texts in the morning, sexts in the evening, disseminating images all day long. But to us it is not a joke. Leaving aside the possibility of grievous bodily harm; injuries, STD’s, pregnancy; and solely focusing on the emotional impact of such an evening’s work I am lost for adequate words to describe such an experience. I can only postulate that it is devastating and to enunciate that it is not the fault of the female but rather the absolute lack of empathy in the male, and as such these sorts of “men” if you could call them that, are to be pitied, rather than hated. This does nothing to remove the burden that anyone who has gone through this has to bear, but it is my way of adding my voice to the chorus calling these bastards what they really are, scum and scum they are.

Most commentary appendages the idea that it was not meant in the way the female took it, that these were decent men (read dumb fucks) who didn’t know what they were doing and they would defo take it back if they could (cause it’s ruining their lives) but to do this ignores the billions of women who live with the threat of having rape inflicted upon them and the consequent fear this evokes. There have been times in my own life when I was in a situation or walked into a room, and for a split second feared that it might have been a bad idea, that I am not safe in my own building, my own apartment, my own room. And but for the grace of God and the individuals involved I could have been the one shattered on the floor.

I personally think the male half of the population can do better and hopefully not have to force a woman to relinquish her body, for in that there can be no love, for either party and if its pleasure you’re after…….well, use your imagination. My guess is that it is all about control, domination, power and the feeling of being powerless, the feeling of being so cut off and adrift in the world that you must impose your will upon another person and for that briefest of seconds you can feel like you are the master of the universe. But, alas, what goes up must come down and hitting the floor with a bang comes for everyone.

So, in conclusion, prison sentence or no prison sentence, karma’s a bitch and if it doesn’t get you, time will. So, what will you say on your last day on earth, as you look to the dark death of sky for an answer; I’m sorry? Will you mean it? Do you care? Can you face your maker knowing what you’ve done to your fellow human beings? Or face the emptiness of nothingness knowing the life you’ve lived, for all the atheists out there? Do you think of these things now, should you? And can you look into the eyes of the women in your life and say you’ve really served them, that you’ve really honoured them, that you’ve done right by them, as a man of this world, that you’ve done enough to merit the title?

Because I know when the final judgement comes to call that the hearts of those who have been wronged are clear. It is the perpetrators who need to worry and seek forgiveness, because everything is mapped. Every cartographer knows that each star in the sky has its own place and nothing goes unrecorded, nothing goes unnoticed, either by God or the universal energy we call Life. Everything has its reason and for a season you may be fine, but think on it and know, in the moment you are falling asleep, something is watching and……….bí cúramach, lads.

evil eye

 

 

Kingdom Hearts

You’re full of love for the things you create
But I’m a place you can’t dominate
Though you may be king of the dormant domain
There are lands over which you don’t reign
And there is a motion that sits in the river
I will not make up for what you can’t give her
Struggle in the tide of a crocodile spin
When you cry tears there’s no way you can win
As I incline my head to that which you know
Don’t blame me for the feet you walk as you go
My hands are off the wheel of your car
But I’m still aware of who you are

Don’t bother faking the remorse
I’m sure time will have it run its course
And you don’t need to half ass what you feel you should say
I don’t believe you anyway
I’m sure you’ll buy her a real nice ring
And make the song hit the notes and everything
But you’ll never have me sign the sheet
To annul your previous fall and defeat
At the hands of a lesser God
I’ll watch you leave without a word
But don’t you dare look back
Its a permission that I lack

You’ve got loads of criteria for me to attain
But you can’t laugh at the sun and expect it to rain
As if I would give you all of my shine
So you could have a sword and take what is mine
Just another trophy to sit on your shelf
Add to the list to which she is as well
Narrow my eyes in suspicious slits
I guess I always expected no better than this
And if one and only has nothing to declare
Then you would have always been there
Instead of passing the parcel to other hands
Then claim you were true to your ancestors lands

Don’t make me laugh at your attempts
To sidle away and throw deference
I may be small but I’m fast as the wind
And I’m not merely an attenuation of him
To play the kind part of forgiving queen
Who holds in her heart the way it has been
And finds a way to live to pretend
If she just holds it in then it will come to an end
But no corseted lady am I
And there are things for which I would die
Rather than stage wise just lose breath
Over the things I cannot forget

I will not hold what is not for my soul
And if it’s by decision then was that all?
For will cannot paint what is by design
And what comes back will always be mine
And somehow I fear that there lies a string
Connecting me to everything
I feel the tug and then the pull
And life with you would never be dull
But I have a wryness in my smile’s edge
And it can’t help but turn up at the things that you said
As I, to my own supreme shame
Find myself redeemed by saying your name

As you with your talk and your wheedling charm
Find no shortage of girls to rub against your arm
And console and commit to the rogue in you
It’s just so enticing, the hole they fall into
As I watch from the cliff with my chin in my hands
Surveying the lay of the land as it stands
It’s so comical if it didn’t hurt
And when I tickle the humour it only gets worse
As I admit grudgingly that I admire
The divine devotion that you inspire
Least of all in one like me
How did this finger trap come to be?

But the authority returns from whence it came
And I’ll always be in the space I remain
Never moving, never knowing what lies beyond
The passage of time that is already gone
As I tip my hat to the extreme
And the pain without which I would not have seen
That all is illusion except what is real
And there is a peace even you cannot steal
Closing my eyes to the forest of trees
That is a life of you without me
In a place where existence is the only repose
I already am the thing that I chose

Shanghai

It was a once in a lifetime kind of a thing
And I might have a life but I’ll never have him
And you are a wonder and touch me just so
Where he left the wound that you want to go
I wish I could agree with the please in your eyes
I nod along to the flower that dies
And you give me everything I could entertain
And I know you want to ease my pain
But does that make it right to go along
When you’ve painted the picture and mastered the song
And all I need to do is slip my hand into yours
Stand by your side as you close all the doors
Hope in my heart that it is enough
To hold back the force of his tidal wave love
That wreaked such destruction on all of my plains
I called the cops but they just took names
And now I am stranded in this waste of a place
But someone sees something when they look in my face
And I want to crawl in under your arm
Cause you swore you would never do me that kind of harm
And I know in all honesty you are speaking the truth
And it’s not the first time I have loved you
But the bitterness burns in the back of my throat
As I wonder do I want to stay afloat
Cause the weather may change and the tides may rise
But he will always be God in my eyes
Bitten by a curse I cannot undo
I don’t want to inflict myself upon you
Unsteady heart that roams the seas
And kisses the waves of who I used to be
You are neat and precise and create a home
But I’m desperado and I love it alone
To come and call with flowers to your door
And say that I wish I could give you more
But he already took all that I had
What’s left are the shards and I feel so bad
That the most of what I have to offer
Is to hold your hand and think of how he thinks of her
And you’re worth true love but you don’t let me go
I look in your eyes and I feel that I know
That whatever the winds blow me in time
My feelings for you are not only mine
But surge on repeat to a lunar command
I am your friend and I think we’ll be grand
And fall into step as I catch your breath
I could be yours if you know that I met
Him as he walked blades of grass through the field
And there’s a part of my soul that never will yield
To the onslaught of this universe
I am glad of the way he made me hurt
And if that’s something you can accept
Then maybe I can be who I ought to be yet
Catch the smile to make it spread
He let me go and left me for dead
But clasped in the locket on my chain
Is a blank space waiting for a name
So maybe Poseidan won’t drown me today
I want to say thanks for not going away

Vision

I felt I was always waiting for my big break
And the world would discover me and you’d see your mistake
But it’s been over twenty years since I started writing songs
And novels in my bedroom willing them to play along
Cause I swore that I would captivate all of life from a stage
And I could mould a beginning from the ashes of my rage
And that band we never quite managed to get together
Before you left me on the sidelines for what you can’t remember
But I still swear I will make everybody so proud
And be the rebel who stands out from the crowd
The golden girl they always said would go far
But the darkness broke my spirit and you broke my heart
And I am just a shell of who I used to be
Or the ambition that I held and what was in store for me
Now it feels like I’m swimming underwater
And I have been reduced to just somebody’s daughter
Though I feel know musicians who have made it big
Or the idols of my writing and I visualise a gig
That brings us altogether and finally reveals
The depth inside of me that nobody steals
In passion and in presence to step inside my own
The fire and the promise I have always known
The inspiration deck from my observatory
I was not born to hide away so listen to me
And the aching wisdom that just came with this body
The omnipotent surrender, I’ll leave you thinking of me

Echoes

I’ve never really understood the term fun
I’ve always been searching for the mythical one
But that’s just a delusion of consciousness
Rather than what prompts me to a state of undress
And I know you bleed red at the edge of your eyes
As I’m pierced by the lance of your previous lies
As you bullet your rocket ship on its course
I can’t sacrifice to ease your remorse
When you left me on the landing and you didn’t care
But took away what once held me there
In vines and twines that could never be rope
But you gave me cause to begin to hope
As I watched the deflections you moved with your stare
Until you saw me catch you and laid it all bare
In an intimacy for which I was not prepared
I’m sorry if I came off a little scared
But the truth is I loved you beyond reproach
And I can’t take it back though they still coach
Me to say things the absence of which
Brings to the fore a doubt that will itch
As their minds run amok amid the scene
Of the decimation that I have been
Points them to decry me to swear off
The cause of what shattered my loss
But I cannot sigh enough tears to mean
That I don’t see the royalty of the king and queen
That we once were and ever are
You are my compass and I your North Star
In the echoes of a landscape we have left behind
Yes you broke me down but I don’t mind
For just one glimpse of your visage
Is worth saying goodbye to all I ever had

INFJ Problems

I’ve no faith in any government, the Irish least of all
I used to believe in their ideals but then they let me fall
And the harsh reality of truth came crashing in
That its all about the politics and not what is within
That the lines they draw are just electioneering
And when I put forth my case it’s not me that they’re hearing
And there may be a TD standing here or there
That goes out of their way to help because they care
But it is the small run and they bleed themselves dry
Serving constituents that never tell them why
It’s not really the people, it’s the institution you see
And I cannot find a policy that will speak for me
And Republican Fenianism burnt me with its fire
Seems freedom was something to which I could aspire
But all of those proposals don’t really fit reality
When I think of what 1921 has given me
And I would burn the British for their soul destroying crimes
To see their kingdom fall, I would die a thousand times
Yes, I would stand up against na Sasanaigh and compel their withdrawal
Under a spirit that is strong and eyes that have seen it all
But the rage, it does not quench the ache their absence left
And I can hate them all I want, it doesn’t erase what it meant
To be surrendered slowly into a free fall
And all the buildings have crumbled where I tried to build a wall
And my anguish at a border that is only in our minds
We are a human people and these are the ties that bind
And the lesson that I learned from an ancient long ago
Was that you can only act according to the consciousness you sow
As St. Peter took his blade to the High Priest’s servant’s ear
If you take part in the conflict, you are Satan too, my dear
And how even righteous anger with the noble cause
Of defending the innocent should give you pause
I must bear this in mind with my contemporaneous peers
Who are glass bottling away somebody else’s years
And death is on horizons not too far away
For all the love I bore this place I realise I cannot stay
A prisoner of the land, worshipping its monument
The country has moved on but I don’t know where it went
And my values and my loves are suddenly out of sync
With a society that wants to control the way you think
Maybe I just never saw it, as a child, growing up
I was unaffected by the waves above
As I settled in the deep with oceans to explore
But now I am complicit I can’t condone it any more
And be a citizen of a state I just don’t believe in
They are building bridges over bodies that I am grieving
And they all march to a beat of unaware homogeny
They fall into step with what they don’t even see
And they can’t debate the issues because to raise a doubt
Has hoards at the back of what you can’t live without
To be told who I am, verbatim as per dictum
Like I could rote learn away the tenant you’re evicting
And scribe all my directions to unholy line my course
I will leave your sacrosanct and go without remorse
For I am not a pigeon parrot – a trainable bird
Who will give up my wings to repeat what I have heard
And you cannot colonise the way of my inner being
Even if you bend the world to reflect what you are seeing
There is a silent space, a sanctum and refuge
Beyond all definitions and the wars that people lose
Somewhere interior we meet humanity
And the universe breathes air into who we’re meant to be
I will meet you in that quiet when the road may take you there
But for now I will leave it to the everywhere
And relinquish my hold on a world I tried to love
I guess I’m not made for what I’d been thinking of
So let the darkness pull the peace that’s calls inside
These are my true colours but they are not mine to hide
I was gifted an awareness defying universal law
Gravity is just a confluence of observed phenomena
And what holds you in its arms is not a factor of the stars
Or black hole oblivion playing out inside your heart
The impenetrable, inescapable one Truth
Is that you are here when the furniture has been removed
Before it exists and after it is gone
You are the I am to which I belong
In the midst of all the motion, the effortlessly still
You may not see it now but I promise that you will
As it is revealed the light of your own sky
I never knew life til I was willing to die
Driven to distraction by the hopelessness of hell
Now I am in awe that that was a gift as well
Leading me to the edge til there was no where left to go
I dropped all my resistance and the existence I’d come to know
Whereon a bird alighted in a laughing Buddha frame
He called me to awaken and I responded to my name
As some otherworldly force took on the bones that I was moving
I saw the struggle and the hardship of a point that needed proving
And I was liberated from the shackles I’d sat in
Never knew that the key was where I begin
Understanding absolutely that I’ve always been the same
The permanent, unmoving within which things can change
But not the leaves of winter or the tree that sheds its skin
The transcendent beyond the sleep I was dreaming
All I venerated, the illusion of my pain
But there’s no suffering to bear in the interior domain
And I’m so full of gratitude that I was crucified
To realise euphorically I am not what died
Giddy with the feeling as I realise it’s true
That if I am immortal then so are you
And there is no dimension you do not permeate
Beyond all expressions we are oneness without state
So brimming with the joy I just cannot keep in
I jump into the waters where you are swimming
Get caught up with the tide as my head is going under
The storm is raining down and you’re the gravitas of thunder
To forget all that I knew and go recklessly diving
That I’m just the vehicle something else is driving
Without reason, without meaning that I can comprehend
All I can do is acquiesce to the commands it sends
And forever pay tribute to the glory of your eyes
Heaven has a body and it is your size
I never knew a human could hold my hand home
Thank you for the benediction you gave to me alone
As grace flows out from who you are and I the beneficiary
You are the shrine that I worship contemplatively
Struck silent in your presence that is monumentally whole
I am the mirrored counterpart of someone else’s soul
Timelessly I am united here with you
Forever is the intensity of our sacred black and blue
And all the world is striving to achieve and retain
But you’re the man who can’t be moved in the place where I remain

The Cripple Walks

Feeling the pain of my other half and consequently in myself
She stood and asked me how I felt and I tried to articulate
It’s like what I always thought she knew, she never even saw
And I realised you never held me in the heart that I held you
And all that I was so sure of just fell by my side
It’s like I’m missing something monumental
And she’s a stranger to me
Mystery in more ways than one
My hands can’t hold her in any way there is
I was by her side
Til the moon cast shadow
And hung it’s head
I knew there were waves
But you drowned in a way I never could
And though I fill my lungs, I can’t help but breathe air
To die is easy, like falling asleep
And I can’t make myself afraid
Of the perpetual night
That ensues
As you sail away
For your far distant adventure
And eminent critique
Of where I reside
To give my life
And bury the sand of the coffins I know
With an ache
You were not there
As I stood sentinel
Over the cracks in the earth
Where lay the possibility I could fall through
Why can’t you ever understand?
I let it go
The purpose in presence
That you do not find here
In eyes
You turn away
And for all your forests’ wilderness
I would not have it so
That you would labour under a sky you hate
So drift
Impermanent
I thought otherwise
And vows played out
To lie broken on the floor
You do not see
But I cannot question your vision
And admit to yourself who you are
I know you will abide
Forever in the place
Of your cravat
That nooses me til I say enough
Beg no more
Alas you say, I knew it would come to this
Contemptible being
You fall
In my gaze
And I, adjacent
Concede
O, Master of Ceremonies
That you may proclaim
A religion foreign to me
And I atheist to your god
Would not have it so that I should lie
With a bended knee
Or head bowed in servitude
You may have your truth
But I do not subscribe
So, loss the one deity that I have served
Though you do not recognise
Alas, it is you, my love

This Is War

Its just another form of oppressioning
You say I don’t hear what you’re speaking
And I may be so angry that that is true
Don’t want to engage with that side of you
As you override all that I say
And I think that you will achieve the day
But it doesn’t undo the march of time
And I pour my heart into my rhyme
As the only place my feelings are sacrosanct
Where you cannot irrigate the seeds you plant
And I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to war
So I just stand back and you know what it’s for
So just let me go and I will resist
Silently to what you insist
You can’t convince me and I won’t change
So just skip me over and you can rearrange
The furniture of your life without me in it
I can’t lend my voice so you can win it
So earn your just cause reprieve
And fight to the death for what you believe
I’ll find some other lonesome I can sail
Cause I don’t belong where you impale
And I’ll just find some quiet I can reconcile
What people do to each other every once in a while
And my helplessness at what I cannot face
That I could be something you would erase
And I guess it just comes down to that
Something went away and it never came back

Love, X

Don’t call me a crazy female just cause I sing the blues
I’m entitled to my feeling as you are to your truth
And all your words and actions just do not negate
The fact that I love you interspersed with the hate
And though I may be wild and inconvenient to host
You don’t have to treat me as if I am a ghost
As you look straight through as though you never saw me there
I know you have a heart so don’t pretend you do not care
And relegate my cause to the long lost ceaseless pile
Just cause I stood in your shoes but declined to walk a mile
I am not the stereotype of an ex who just won’t let go
That is a little sexist though I won’t claim to know 
Why you always had a disdain for the other half
So you tried to make them smile, you tried to make them laugh
You tried to make them fall so they could not right themselves
And when you were done you left them on the shelf
To waste and wear away until they were nothing at all
Though I had to say I enjoyed my free fall
Down into the darkness, the emptiness of the void
I won’t pretend you’re the cause of what makes me annoyed
That you did not reach out when I was hanging on that cliff
And I just keep on going and back and saying what if
But all explainations fail and considerations die
When I look into the pupil in the centre of your eye
And find myself adrift like so many years ago
When you met me as a girl, the girl you say you do not know
And yes it hit the mark, did it hurt to deny
That we collided interscope, say the truth now, do not lie
That we once in a lifetimed upon the green grass
As you stood and stared at me and what I thought to ask
Such a preposterous question and so handsomely obvious
That you were the decider and where I placed my trust
But years have gone by and I have not seen your face
You never were the hero that rode out to lay waste
You just sat inside and cried about love long gone
You didn’t care about the someone that you kept on
You didn’t care about the promises you made to me that day
About how you looked me in the face and did not go away
And how I waited on your figure to statue all my dreams
But that was just the prelude to my long lasting private screams
That I howled in the night time on my bedroom floor
In a city far away behind a closed door
And I clutched at my insides cause I felt them coming out
And tried my best to keep silent cause I did not want to shout
About the enemies who had closed in on my life
And decided in that cage that I didn’t get another light
And subtle was the meaning and subtle was the voice
It was many years before I saw there was a choice
That there was another way, a way out of the pain
And just because you’re under clouds doesn’t mean you feel the rain
So here I stand before you and I repeat what’s ever true
That though my body will die I am not leaving you
And I will descend to the very depths
If that’s what it takes to pull you up those steps
To walk you to the door though you in the end refuse
And I’m left to perish slowly from the burning of a fuse
And there the gates of heaven lie meaningless without
Someone to hold my hand, the one it’s all about
So what do you expect, me to just go away
Again in all the cyanide where the demonds hold sway
But I stand here defiant and here I will roar
That I love you in the vacancy of a foreign shore
And I may never realise the place whereon I stand
But it was a miracle that I got to touch your hand
And hold you so close for a moment and for all
I think I was mistaken, there was never a wall
I just hit my own pride and held back what I knew
And now the time has come to pay you your due
In coins or in gold, I know you hold them in contempt
And I’ll always be the one that you resent
But here I pledge my life for yours and forever
I will seal it in blood to ensure my endeavour
And I will stand guard at the edges to soften the blow
Of the searing scars you don’t want to show
To hold and to comfort and to see you see your might
I knew that in that moment and I know now you’re alright
Whatever you say and the play you do cascade
I can see that you tremble, that you shake, that you’re afraid
And know I will not hurt you and my alliegence is true
All is nothing to me honey and there is only you
So to hell with all the anger and the sorcery
I am here to tell you now that it’s possible to be free
And just to breathe in air when you think that you are done
And when you’ve lost it all you see that you have won
And ever could forgive the place where you fell
It wasn’t only you, it was me aswell

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