What is the call of New York And why is there a fork In the road and on the table And I am not able To leave it all behind Even if I must go out of my mind Or be labelled as such Because I love you so much And I couldn’t be there when you died Because the man asked me how I am and I cried So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again And it may be the will of men To contain what they don’t understand But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí” And even though my broken knee Falls to the floor I know there’s more Than just screaming into the air “She’s not there, she’s not there” And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall And they console me but I fall Into their lap and rebel against the constraint Of being okay with the colour she paint Because everyone has their own way But I must do what she say If I’m not to be medicated And I may be educated But it has been the work of my life To make sure I don’t become a wife And go down with the ship Or the forests that they equip With cutting trees And the birds and the bees Buzz around my head But I would give it all up just to lay in bed And mourn And look forlorn Because all that shattered glass Never got me an A in class It only ever drew blood Now I’m standing in the wood Trying to catch the soul that escape And the red cape Couldn’t stop the passage of time And my only crime Was trying to pause the air Now I look at your chair and you’re not there
The oppressive class Think that their power will always last And they’re always doing it for a reason Til their punishment is open season And the subordinates get even With people they don’t want to be believing And you could say that kindness kills And good intentions and foreign wills Mask the wound as the blood spills Out onto my shirt It may have hurt When they struck me down But I’m not giving up on this down And it is for my own health They say they must steal my wealth From me But there is something that will always be free In the green, green grass of home There is something that you have never known As you paint a beach of waifs But I am not trying to escape The cup that’s been handed to me I’m just trying to reflect the free In the prism that casts it’s hues And he people who pay their dues In the mindfulness class It is not part of the past But of the Now And I know you will realise somehow What I’ve been trying to express In my state of undress As I spell it out in monotones What I couldn’t hide from iPhones As they responded to my touch And scared away what I loved so much Into the fold of open season Have you ever loved someone without reason?
The dark side of myself likes MCR And I’ve tried to keep control of her But she keeps bursting at the seams And waking up in all my dreams To tell me how to live And to just forgive The slights made The flights you were afraid To take Now the wake Is full of people drinking beer They don’t seem to notice death is near As I sit beside the coffin And remember our time on Inisbofin When I fell and bumped my head Against a rock and now you’re dead But are you really? I sense you’re free And not constrained to lines like me Your soul expands And all these slipping sands Are just the flow of time I try to capture as I rhyme To still the torrent But it doesn’t warrant The armed brigade The bodies you can’t save As they march off to war I look back at her And she seems to know All that I cannot let go I shake at the edge of the fray She whispers that it’s all okay But I can’t trust, can I In that which will never die
I got my last marriage proposal during MCR While I was dancing just missing her And a guy got down on one knee It wasn’t timing, it was just destiny And Gerard Way was giving it socks A year before Ken undid all the locks And we’re dancing to the groove You’re covered in mud watching me move And I say gee shucks And we both give all the fucks In the world in that moment held Seventeen and in the Veld As we both let the music just carry Us to the meaning of marry And, now, cut to the scene Have the past million years been just a dream And I know it was a joke In the years before woke Culture took the lead And society screams the way we bleed In the teen years of forever And it’s just a step above never never And before the banking suit But I cut and run and he’s still a flute That just drinks its own flavor in And I guess I am taken with him From now until the end of time An alchemy I thought I’d left behind In the young years before twenty four Took more from me than I can adore And I’m all for making the best of things But they sort of clipped my wings As they held me in a cell In all but name and with a bell By the bed in case I need A nurse to recite the creed That I live by now It’s rote learned and it makes me bow Like a weeping willow to the floor And it just makes me think of you more And wonder if you think I’m crazy And I just call you baby In my mind when they shut the doors Locked them and what’s more Tell me that I can’t leave And what I’m supposed to believe Like a mannequin With puppet strings, where do I begin To tell the story of a desert town And the thought of that gown Hanging in my wardrobe unworn Is like the vow we’ve never sworn To each other haze Looking our for someone to save Me from this maze But it’s just the end of days Every morning that you wake up To begin is to end the love Coz what Is always is And if we meet does that mean I’m His? Or is it just a summer spin Here’s the sound of me letting you in
The curbs of death Mark the pavements of my mind And I’m stepping on cracks And what I left behind Coz no one’s exempt I dunno where it all went The love and the fever Do you think that you could just believe her When she shines her light And everything will be alright They are not just grey platitudes of wishes That flit across your mind as you’re washing the dishes And a sudden plate falls from your grasp Ceramic but it shatters like glass All over the hardwood floor Or tiled with patterns you adore And there’s a mess Like a man and woman in undress Fixing pieces together But the target moved and now the weather Is spilling snow Oh, all that you did not know When you were young Was I always this highly strung And a friend permits Me to call it quits On anxious furore Who are they after, who was I before Indeed, was there ever a pre Or is it just me Who clatters the makings of another dawn Something whispers; “they’re not gone”
Torturing yourself won’t bring her back And hating yourself won’t cure the lack That bubbles up out of your skin You can’t lose, so you just win And sigh that it’s all predetermined You’re in your seat but you’re squirming With the uncomfortableness of it all John Mayer and the free fall That was 2012 Time to take a deeper delve And stand your sacred ground As you hear the sound Of tomorrow on the breeze Not all men come to leave Only the shadows knocking on your door Repeating the refrain of you don’t love me no more But it’s just an ancient pain Playing on repeat again To make a symphony out of the sound Of the love and faith abound In the green green grass of home My love, you are never alone
Are you threatened by the female Do you reverberate Am I meant to give up On myself in that state Or is there a way To be and grow I gave you a chance To have me, you know But you turned away From the dance I split the boil With a lance Til all the pus Came spewing out The knife was quick As my wit, no doubt
Is marriage the line I cannot traverse And I can only watch them rehearse And get ready for the big day Pretend I don’t care anyway When all I love is walking down the aisle And seeing you turn and spill a smile Into my eyes eternally But you’re looking at her, not me And I shouldn’t be jealous Or covet what’s hers It’s just you were mine Amongst the firs As we make Heaven Come down to Earth And I wash away The pain that you hurt With, to you and many Now I see her in your gaze And there isn’t any Anything I can do to change The way the molecules rearrange To the sound of sulfur on your breath Tinged with my greatest regret
Death is really nothing but the passing of the torch I spend years in contemplation on my front porch All to find a map that maybe would decide The route I am to take for the reason that’s inside And it may be tomorrow or in forty years Will the lake live on now that I’ve cried some tears In saltwater brine ever to explore I get older as I age but I just love it more As I fit into my skin each moment as it passes Like I used to listen to the teachers talk in classes With rapt attention in case I might miss Something of my destiny condensed into a list And everything has rolled by, I find myself thirty two It’s older that I’m getting though I’m younger than you And everything will cease one day come it’s time It’s not as if I can call forever mine Except to note that in the Now Everything is present somehow An abundance of peace and adequate zen Hands held together to utter Amen That all may be as it always is The Birth of the Eternal into what exists
The Poetry Book 