Listening to the little boy in blue Sing his heart out to me too And it’s like the feathers just fall from the sky And in everyone who lives I see the one who’ll die Someday, somewhere in the ether And you don’t need to look at me either Because I will share the same fate Watch the immortal walk out the gate Into the sunset sea The oblivion going down on me In a rush of darkened fuse You can read that any way you choose I’m not here to police the state Or say which words should equate To which affairs of the mind There were years I lived like I was blind Because I could not bear the truth And it was the years of my youth You can’t live them backward, you’re forward facing And there are streets she is defacing With her rudimentary smile The one that would walk a mile In your shoes The one that believes in the power to choose But I gave my will away To something I cannot say Anymore And every door That ever opened closed in on me Now I let go so that he can be free And I see the truth bubble in his eyes And it’s like there is no disguise He hides from me It’s like it’s eternity He’s pointing to and from But the one who would listen is gone
I sit with my willowy breath And they give me everything I cannot forget And it may be a rebirth by fire But I asked for it so I cannot tire Of the flame now And say it’s all in vain now And I’ve changed in size and in shape And that’s a reality I cannot escape As they fight to tell me it is fine When they’re the ones that made me do hard time And threatened me with an eclipse Any time the truth passed from my lips And my days are all but done I don’t know what I can say to anyone Anymore Because, mo stór You sacrificed me to the gods that bay Or the ones that believe in them anyway And I cannot take this one on the chin Or say it’s just because she’s with him Because you know that that is just not it You didn’t have to be such a dick About the whole thing And this bird can still sing Inspite of the the hail you rained Don’t tell me your version of events, you already explained
He’s got a type It looks like bad bitch and wife And I’ve got one too It’s the epitome of the time of my life And he’s miserable and awesome And somethings he thinks are not lawful And I know by that glint in your eye That there are things about which you lie I’m held to the point by your glare And it doesn’t feel like being there It feels like hell in the gym When you’re lifting the weight of him Over your head When he just wants to take you to bed And make the music he hears in his mind But then he leaves me behind After I was down bad with you Now I’m drown sad too Clearing the air out of my lungs And going down the rungs Into the submerge Of the shaky verge On the edge of the road You’ll only get there when it showed You know before the tar Comes to tell you what you are And flatten the surface And some people don’t know what turf is But it warms my fire And somehow low with you feels higher Than anything I’ve ever known And I may have grown But I’m still the same And you still wear the same name Around your neck Like the ship you wreck Against my shore And I pick you up and adore The Eric of my supposition But you hit me like ammunition Straight from the cannon And you don’t know who you’re damning When you turn away Don’t you know that I mean what I say And I will turn you right around You know it when they play The Sound It looks like you on a good day Emo as shit and a little gay But that’s what I like about you The polarities you dip into And embody We switch clothes so we can both be shoddy But you are the king I am deferent to And I hate that about myself, it’s true As I just agree with every word you say Coz I want him to keep talking to me that way But we’re spinning on a knife edge Like noughts and crosses X’ing out what they said For the moment of pure pristine How can you know it all when you’re a teen And then realise you were all fucked up And the only thing that saved you was the love You didn’t realise was there I meet his eyes so he’ll know I care
The lights dim to a fade And I watch the man I love age Against a screen of maroon and peach And he’s somewhere on Miami Beach Strumming a guitar While I’m driving my car Down the only road I’ll ever know I passed him by and I didn’t slow And they intercepted the pass When he tried to grab my ass And I throw a glance back in your direction Like I am the reason for your insurrection Against the powers that be And they have me On a cliff ledge What is it that they said You’ve gotta be safe But I escape From their cage With shattered glass on the edge of my page And it still draws blood Though I proclaim that it’s all good And I take the meds And run from the music in my own head That’s writing a symphony Should I let the Beethoven in me Trample the piano into dust And just trust Into the free fall They only hurt you when they put up a wall Between you and freedom And they make sure you see them They’ve all got their pens And I swear I’ll never go back again But they can’t write a sonnet like I do They don’t know anything about you Coz I kept your name a secret The room is freezing but you heat it With your furnace flame And you can take the blame I’ll take the trophy wife And we’ll split the bill til it’s even twice
I drank myself dry in 2012 Because if I don’t this iceberg will melt And slip all over the floor I watch you adore Someone else, how did I not see it before And I’m looking through a window I didn’t want anyone to know I stare at him though Every night before I go to bed Now I can’t extinguish the images in my head And it was as though I was led Down the garden path by fate And I’ve become something you hate And you wish I would die And I’m sorry but I won’t try To break the pristine window and glass If you don’t mind I’m gonna pass As you see the truth at last Say that girl’s got class When you only ever saw me as a piece of ass You couldn’t quite get to It’s because I wouldn’t let you Not when you thought of me that way But the silence is in what you say And I can’t take it And I won’t fake it If I don’t feel it So go ahead and deal it I’ll hold And call your bluff of solid gold Do what I’m told? I think you’re just getting old Like meself Don’t go and blame mental health Coz that is just another trap Another avenue to map The rivers of your being And you have a right to what you’re seeing If you’re seeing with your own eyes You have to be, you’ve no disguise When you open up Is it okay if I call this love?
I get this feeling, it’s like an irritation And it has me running to his station To see what I can’t download But the road Turns and I can’t see What he ever meant for me When he changed his tune Turned his head with me in the room And I know I can’t be mad Should let him off with the feeling bad Because I feel the spiral That has somehow gone viral On YouTube And even the coolest dude Is susceptible to The weakness of being open to A failing of words And following the herds Like a basket case That some demon somewhere wants to erase I stepped into the stream And the nightmare of a dream Came to show its face Did I really need to embrace The lowest of form So that I could be warm When he’d look at me I can’t hide the gaze that just see Into mystery And he thinks he so complex and he is so proud Of all that he does not say out loud But its echoing from you Like a ripple as I dip my toe into The river we were Before you met the ocean of her When you plunged into its frigid storm Did you remember the moment we were born In some distant haze Not I look as your gaze Tries to rest on me on the sand But I could never be that land Not when it’s arid and dry And I never did mean to make you cry It’s just I’m plush and green And I take the one seat ahead of the scream That violates lines And you’ve said it before, like a thousand times How you love it when She whispers prayers like an amen And I’m sure you do Pull needles though The jumper you embroider And I hope you enjoy her But don’t blame me for the why The resolve you never had to die In a fiery fuse I look at you two and I just bruise In the place where the picture meets my skin And then I walk into a room and meet him And he’s just like you But a bit more dangerous and outspoken too If that could be real Possible that I could feel That way again In a hall of willing men Who open their palms To me like they are giving alms To the girl I was for what I’ve become I was beautiful when I was young
I’m gonna hit the road Kissing frogs like every toad Will turn into a prince I know But I think I let the king go An eon past the turn in the bend And it’s not something I know how to mend I apologised But I felt something in me me died As I spoke to you of suicide But to tell the truth I lied I couldn’t put into verse All that I can never rehearse And it came out all wrong, bubbled froth Everything that I am not And the panic ensued That I might lose the coolest dude To the bitter wind And the church says we have sinned By daring to contemplate Going on that sort of date But I cannot agree The impassive has always been me As I sought to proclaim the herald But you’ve found a girl and she is your world And I wish you the best The drugs, the love and all the rest And we are estranged from all that we were And don’t think that it’s because of her It’s because I cannot utter That song you shared about being butter On a summer’s day I think I will always feel this way
In the infinite moment of us You walked away and the broken trust Still slits like shards of glass On the ground of the class That only ever gave me a pass In it’s hall of induction And some babies are born with the power of suction But it’s not something I think that I will do And it might not be me but it could be you So go make your life With the girl that I call your wife I won’t interfere Just know it’s because I hold you dear And I could never fulfill Your last testament and will Of a perfect fold My streets are paved with gold But I only walk them when I want exercise Like I only look at you when I want to see your eyes And the disguise fall Oh, all this endless talking to the wall And you may never leave her But I think you believe her When she says that I am troubled too But I’m just bubbled like you Brewing like a pot on the hob And seceded like a man on the job As he hammers the nail into place I look away when I see your face In every man I meet I just can’t take the heat Though I would like to try And I know you wanted to die But I couldn’t fold the paper And I don’t hate her I am grateful to her For being there for you When I was sailing a sea that is so blue Telling you about the rainforest I did give you a promise That I would return But I didn’t realise the letter burn In the fire with the stamp still on I love you that’s why I’m gone
There’s a link on the chain And it’s all well and good til it starts to rain And you lose someone you love Walking the earth then suddenly above And everyone can say; you’ll be alright But there’s this vast empty feeling in the night And no one where there used to be there I acted like I didn’t care Coz I couldn’t let you know the truth That I am letting go my youth And you’re part of the scene The fabric of dream That dissipate And there’s nothing about hate I know you were alone And I left our home But I simply couldn’t stay And I wouldn’t have wanted you to go away But you did And the lid Of a bottle will never be the same Am I strong enough to say your name?
Don’t come to me looking for your tears They haven’t been here for years and years And all that you sought to steal Cannot escape the grasp of the real Why did I listen to you Coz you don’t know what you’re talking about do you When you have a rule book to follow And all of your words ring a little bit hollow As they seek to protect Me from the male reject But I fuckin’ love it, man And you never can Take me from the study of human behaviour And the masculine form as it tries to save you From what you are I wouldn’t worry ‘bout me, I am made from a star
I know you’ve got a wife And I believe that it’s for life When you make a promise to someone And I know that the sun Has gone down on what we were I used to be angry at her For taking you away from me Bitter coz you didn’t stay with me And I was flying high And you just wanted to die I could feel it in my bones When we left our homes You know the one in LA And no matter what you say We can’t put it back together And you just live in the rainy English weather While I soak up the sun And now that it’s done I can finally breathe Because what we both need Was not the claustrophobia and smother I was your girl, not your mother And they all write about us But there just was this trust Between us I though I had dreamed us Up But then my cup Overflows and spills all over the floor And the one that I adore Is many miles away And not just physically and so I pray To the God I claim to know How do I let you go? When you mean it all to me Is there a past tense to infinity? And does it mean now that the rose is in my garden That I shouldn’t be so hard on him For what he could not be I couldn’t hold on so I let you go free I always thought you’d come back to me But forever is now part of our history
It’s an Irish tradition But it feels like ammunition Firing into my soul Oh, what it takes to be whole When a person is ripped from this earth And people just say, I’m sorry that it hurt As I look at the body in the coffin And it wasn’t for a lack of lovin’ That it’s in there All the people who care Are seated in a square Around the walls A four cornered room and we walk down the halls Lined up in black And the slack That is cut like a new shirt Won’t still the breath that we skirt “She looks the same” Or “He looks peaceful” and his name Is met by an inflection of the head The horror of when someone is dead And there’s nothing you can do to get them back I remember when they carried him out and lack The ability to hold the memory in equanimity Coz it’s the last time I’ll ever see Him in that way What do they say? This too shall pass But I don’t want it to if the love don’t last Though the memory is like a baseball bat And people wonder what am I at Haunting the halls I say it wouldn’t be this way if the walls Would just fall down But I drown In the ocean I open up In the name of love And tears they pour like a saltwater sea Down my cheeks and cut a valley through me Like a glacier that moved the ground To make Kilglass lake and the sound Of the drumlin belt echoing calls Across the marsh and the footballs That just hang in the sky Why did my grandfather have to die?
Go water your seeds It isn’t for me And every month she bleeds Out part of our history As she longs for child To fill the part of her that’s wild And forever free But eternity Won’t let me move in that direction And no man with an erection Of desire in the mood Shall make me brood Over what shall not come to pass And if I ever had class It’s gone now So I allow The truth of my being to express The part of me that’s a mess And her hot under the collar bothers me Because she expects my dignity To go the way of her folly But I just hit the volley Right back at her And whatever we were Is gone now and it’s a relief Because her belief In how things should be Have only ever chained up me To the post of her mocking And she fills her stocking With a heavy denier soul I only ever see getting old And she fears that time When forty two would be mine In the age of running dry And it’s okay for me but she’s barely getting by On the fuel that heats her from beneath I left that gemstone on the street
There’s a darkness inside me that I can’t evict Like when I call the man I love a dick And lash out at him For loving other women When I sent him away When I said you cannot stay Coz you only want to have sex And I don’t know what you expect From me And history Is just the future in reverse And do we just rehearse The story everyone else is spinning And no one is really winning When we share what we lack Then he said I can’t come back Though I self flagellate Anything to make a date Of things and make it officially true But he turns up his nose and says “I don’t love you” But I know you do And I can’t explain it There’s no one to train it Into you And when the colour blue Is on fire red And I am not warming up your bed Do you set a scene Make an enemy of me in the dream And then wake up screaming Oh, now I am really steaming So I tell you IDGAFuck And if you want me to you’re in hard luck I can really be mean when I want to be A bitch on the front of everything you want to see Coz I won’t bear child And the fact that you force it down my throat is wild I wasn’t made to sin And lie to myself over him Just to complete the circle We’re all on a rock that hurtle Through outer space And it would be a waste To bring another soul Into this rock and roll But he’s bitter and mad And I know he don’t say it, but a little bit sad About the whole story Says he don’t adore me I let it fly And someday you may wonder why When I make my home with someone else And leave behind your poor mental health With a different chick But I’m sorry for thinking you were a prick I didn’t say it out loud But you are so proud I’m sure you can hear it And it didn’t endear it To any of you So let the water wash me away if you want it to
There’s a dead in her eyes That nothing can disguise But it always lit up when she looked at me Didn’t think that I would ever be The reason why the curtains close As she follows me down the road To nowhereland And it’s all sand That just gathers at my feet An hourglass when we meet Somewhere in between And if it’s all a dream Then why are we crying Over the people that are dying Left right and centre And so I enter The hallowed halls Of the people who can walk through walls And the longing calls Me to let go of the line That had me doing hard time In a crater not of my making And all the people that I’m forsaking When I take that pill And it will kill If I keep on keeping on So I have to get gone And on the road Her carriage slowed Just to take a look at me And she never sees the free I’ve come to be Only ever the apparent chains The sunlight reflects upon when it rains And who gains When everything is lost Don’t we all just pay the cost For the brutal tide That means we are alive Because we can feel Everything that’s real And vital and true And just because the colour blue Is sad and lonely Doesn’t mean you can’t phone me Anytime you want I change the font To match my mood Meanwhile you just sit and brood Over a perceived slight But you are alright Aren’t you, aren’t you I daren’t ask lest it be true That the fields are green far past the slide Of what it means to be alive And they click go on the PowerPoint And I never want to leave the oint- Ment powder red What goes on inside a person’s head Is the least of what they are I look up and see that star Shining over my crucifixion My errant ways and my eviction From the stable then I just don’t want to go through that again Not for even the best of men So I take what they offer And the coffer Is full But my skin’s as thin as cotton wool They use to mask Everything they cannot ask Me now the ship has sailed The chain linked fence and I impaled Over the least of crimes My only solace in these rhymes That never lead to the sea What is it that you are asking of me Once more, arís Some Celtic chieftain once had a feast But she wasn’t invited And so the war ignited The gunpowder flame That only ever lands upon a name
The problem with life is that it’s just too truthful One minute you’re old and the next thing you’re youthful Fresh again in your summer skin Then one day you run into him Looking haggard as the day he was born With no one there to keep him warm And it breaks your heart to say I don’t want to love that way With two strings tied to each other’s finger Where someone nearby could be a dead ringer For your starshot soul But somehow I found something that made me whole And I got lost in St. Pat’s Between avenues and their baseball bats It was a kind of a refuge from their stares And the way they said you can’t go there Not even if it’s your spirit’s longing You don’t know who you might be wronging By telling the secret It’s better you keep it Even if that means going through hell At the hands of those who wish you well And you can always tell When something’s not right Coz they cover up the silence with a fight And try to “settle you down” No silver lining in this town But only a bridge to burn And I had to learn I can’t rely on suspense To get me back into the present tense And her eyes were dead and flat and grey And there was nothing I could say To bring them back to life If I ever become somebody’s wife I’d like to save the pause So they would have a get out clause And not feel shackled to A dream that is just not made for you And I claw and I scream But it just doesn’t seem That the rocks will fall back up the mountain And the fountain Won’t play in reverse There’s no way to rehearse The subtle sound When everyone, everywhere around Abandons you I didn’t think I would do Anything bad enough to be worthy of The desertion and a lack of love As I look into his polar eyes and they do not meet mine They have a sort of deadly shine In the glow of the fire The bell rings a bit higher Than the frequency That ordinarily would call to me And so I leave the glen And I don’t know when I will be back I just know I can’t stand the lack I see in her face As if she was an island to trace In a green copy book It was awful, man, and I was shook To my core But I don’t go there anymore Not in the trees I couldn’t paint Not in the moment that I faint Out of the movie And I cannot prove “me” To somebody’s din I blame myself and I blame him Until I can recognise That no one told any lies It was just miscommunication Like missing the train at the station And never seeing your foe As he let the trauma go On the last ride home I guess I had to learn that I stand alone When I stand for this And no kiss Can recompense What it all meant In the eve of dawn I looked at my palms and the lines were gone No route to track, no road to follow Only the deathly hollow In the room as I scrunched myself into a ball Wishing I could just disappear into the wall But I made it out And their doubt Is a reminder that Everything is just a stat Until it happens to you And you cannot do Anything but ride the wave I was waiting for someone to save Me when I became The sky beyond the rain
I can feel the slang hanging in the air All the words that just aren’t there But were said somewhere Like Rob whispers secrets And I know that they’ll all keep it In the silent bond And I abscond But I know in truth Prisms refracting light of my youth Will always hold their colour As life around me gets duller With the encroach My grandmother used to wear a broach To special occasions and sometimes Mass I wondered when I’d get to pass That hallowed hall And I walk with my hand on the wall The paper would scratch my fingers And we are family of singers In the booth And the proof Of our love is long lasting heart Even when life tears us apart Like little fibres And the tigers That roam the forest purr I always wanted to be her But somewhere, somehow something has changed All the stars have rearranged And I sit in my own boots You know the one with the roots That anchor me deep Into an earth that does not sleep But watches with one eye open All your errant, fervent coping That the seasons do I don’t want to lose any of you But I feel the pull Drag me somewhere and the wool That was once draped over the back of the chair Is now threadbare And I must make my place somewhere That echoes true I hope to make you proud with what I do
Do I hold onto that grudge That had me trudge Through the snow For an eon you know But it was also the birth of the sun Stellar as no one Was in my corner And no one thought to warn her Of the advance of time That would steal everything that’s mine But this time the brunt of the bitch Didn’t burst every single stitch Yes, it hurt and I cried Like I always do after the silence has died In the aftermath of the quiet There is an unholy riot That burns my city down But this town Just seems to go round and round And the land absorbs the sound I never wanted to leave But something in me believe That I never would have found you If I had not chanced the blue Of Dublin via Dun Laoghaire And some part of me thought you feared me When I would stop and stare into your soul And I know we’re not growing old Though I don’t know if we’ll speak again It’s complicated when it comes to men Coz I don’t want to give the wrong impression But my confession Is that I love deep and true At the drop of a hat when I met you And you are not in my past You are in the heart that will everlast And somewhere in the ocean This emotion Will reveal To you how I feel For you now and forever And I will never Shut you out You don’t have to doubt In that fact I just turned back The way I came And I will never be the same As I was before But you gave me someone to adore And do I talk about death And the pain I cannot forget The crucify Hearing the phone ring and I Just know it’s gonna be bad news Because swans always swim in two’s And when you lose your other half You also lose the ability to laugh And somewhere in the scene Something kind woke the dream So I don’t have to go down that path But I keep going back To fourteen And the queen Of all hell Rained on me and I never tell Of her secret heart Coz she swore me to a silence I can’t rip apart And she wrote me a letter To apologise, it didn’t make it any better Coz the damage had already been done So I let her go and no one Could ever replace The beauty of her face But it’s not a human race So I slow down and let her pass by Because some day I will die And I can’t live like this Til suddenly I am His And I can do is say thanks For the way she made me walk the plank
Infringing on my liability You are walking on thin ice with me Coz though I look like I go with the flow I’m as independent as much as it doesn’t show And I follow the beat of my own drum And I do not succumb To the oncoming wave And I don’t need anybody to save Me from myself And she’s only after the wealth I can see it in her eyes When she drops the disguise And I wonder would she turf me out If it meant that she could shout From the highest rooftop I play the bad cop And lock it away There are things I shouldn’t say Coz they are too true And when it comes down to it I see through you As flippant as the air So nonchalant and barely there And though I love you to your bones I know that you would leave me alone If it meant you could be free I left with a degree In what could never be said Do you sleep well when you lie in bed?
Meeting Joe Black was the end of my life The birth of the Son and the last of the wife That had ever been in my veins I dried my eyes on sleeves that are tear stained And he looked so soft and serene Til he tore through my dream With a knife and an attitude Coz he was a really cool dude And he had a point to prove He could never lose To a girl Coz the world Only ever appreciates A woman for who she dates And she’s chosen you And now you don’t know what to do So you just set a fire And I tire Of this leadránach So I leave you for the shock Of your life I won’t say it twice As I give you every chance To ask me to the dance And when you don’t Well I won’t Stick around To be the sound You love to hear But only when no one else is near And you can hide Behind the facade you hate inside Because all you ever do Is hop scotch between the lines that you want to Really cross But all is not lost Maybe someday your light Will meet it’s own Jean White
I want him so bad that it literally hurts And as time’s going on it’s only getting worse As he comes and goes, close then far Says he’s born from the farthest star And I hold out Coz I’ve got that doubt Is he the man I want to marry Does he see me as an equal or just someone to carry His child somewhere in the future And I had a wound but he was the suture That tied it up and kept it in Healed my soul with that irreverent grin And his eyes dart to and fro I wonder where his mind would go If he could read mine I know I shine And I’m a gem in the dark It’s just you sorta hit the mark Right on the head And I know you want me in your bed As you tell me lies Think I buy the disguise You’re selling with the full of your heart Is it just because you want a part Of me for your own To impress upon me what could be known With your help And is there anyone else In this whole scene That could wake me, then take me from the dream And you’re shy in a certain way Not in the usual bashful sway But in a kind of sensitivity When you tell the truth and then look at me As though I would judge and turn you out But instead I want to kiss your mouth Coz this is more than intimacy When I trust in what you’re saying to me And it didn’t break It’s just I wake From a slumber that was self induced Startled by what you produced In your ardent soul Do you think we could make our parts whole If we just dropped the pretence I think that my defence Is the thing that separates Me from men I’d love to date And that barrier Between what we were Fell right on through And even though I seem distant from you Nothing’s changed I love guys that are sort of strange
Why am I not pretty And it’s a chorus, are you singing it with me As they make up the foundation To sell us one side of an equation Seventeen to twenty four Til they don’t want you anymore And I fell into the sway But it’s not what I thought, okay As I was labelled beautiful and sexy Til I gained weight and then it’s like, next, we Don’t have time To be the victims of your favourite crime And you’re just jealous coz they don’t see The same thing when they’re looking at me And is it some kind of superficial To be so contrived in the official Way they tow the line Because I feel fine The way I am Have no ambition to Uncle Sam My way into the American dream And be a supernova queen On the cover of a magazine I just want to scream That everything just fades and falls And all the walls I thought I had up Just drop away in this love As someone somewhere says I look like the sky And the days I wanted to die Are long gone But that song Still sings on repeat Don’t judge someone Til you’ve felt their heartbeat
She inflects a simple turn of head And I’m dreaming of him in my bed As we make mattresses make music It’s been years but I finally choose it Come undone in the spokes of you Threading the needle, you pull it through Whether in this season or ones yet to come He’s like a perpetual burning sun And I love him or I wouldn’t say I give it all up okay Dream of you just holding my hand Walking the streets or strolling the strand That we’ve come to know And it is the one place that will not let go But it’s been years since I found that shore When I had nothing to adore And that girl had torn me to pieces Shredded over a person that deceases Despite my best efforts to pray Them back into being okay And she took what was left of me And cracked the glass with indignity As she separated me from all my friends And told me that this has to end Now or never in some way I sat beside her in Irish and I couldn’t say The words I was longing to You are no friend, are you And the space was distance long But she did me wrong In my mind In her own she was left behind By some great power of weight So now she gets by on the hate She hurls at anyone close to her And I know now what we were That she was only ever on my side When she could beat me with her stride Being longer than mine But I don’t have the time To waste on you So I let you just do what you do And fuck everything up So you can realise it was never love On this side of the fence And they say that the first defence Is an act of war I just don’t want to be around you, mo stór
I have always felt absent belonging And there’s no telling who I’m wronging When I say I’m on my own Because they’re all on the other end of the phone But I can’t bring myself to call And listen to myself talk to a brick wall As it echoes back at me And I just want to let her go free But something pulls me back to meet The way that he feet Walk in the beat with mine And would it be a crime To let her know that I Once wanted to die When I had lost someone to the sky They say it’s heaven but that’s a lie Because I know they would never leave me here Not when I hold them dear To depart to some foreign shore That they are supposed to love more Than anything on earth And I savour the hurt Because it reminds me of my toes By the sea as the water goes In and out And my self doubt Fades away What is it that they say You have to stand on your own two feet But all I could ever meet Was this great void inside my soul That is not getting old As time passes And all the classes That I aced Never compared to his face When he looks at me with honest eyes And my spirit flies I wonder if he knows what he is to me I don’t think he does but my integrity Won’t let me spill the tea All over the table in front of me And Isabelle asked me who I liked And I swear I should have been miked Up because someone was listening And I can hear the future glistening Like a new pearl I was just a girl And couldn’t face the idea of A narrow kind of eighty year love With babies and cars Gardens that grow and weekend bars But I was born to roam the fields So I hold back and he yields To the idea that I don’t care But do I dare Tell him that I do So I run away and confess myself to you Coz you’re unattainable and far off And I loved you when you were lost But now you’re found You won’t hear a sound From me I choose presence over the indignity Of bearing child I once was wild And running through the trees And something in me believes That I’ll always be this way So I couldn’t agree with what you say
He was dangerous but beautiful Like a shark in the water And I know he thinks he caught her Though he never did I just hid All I wanted to from him But I saw that grin When I bit my straw And let him see through to the Great Thaw I did not want to let him go So I let him see enough so That he would not believe He was nothing but a heart on a sleeve And he issued me a warning And I’m not forlorning But I must let you know That there’s something in what moves you slow Through the ice And you were not super nice But you were kind enough to say That you wouldn’t get in my way If I were to move my stance But you take my hand and our eyes dance Their own reel across the screen Of what was only ever a dream And your hair was super cool As your run your fingers through it and my drool Nearly runs from my mouth And in the years since I think of what I do without By ignoring what I am What did you mean by “the plan”?
I was faking the dumb ingenue But I was real when I let on that you Were someone I could love And I know your glove Could fit my arm I’m just not sure you would keep me from harm If you held me under your roof And I need proof So I set a test You knock a domino and I do the rest As we clamber up onto each other Just a man and his lover In the middle of the sea It’s open season on what you think of me As you plot a course and chart the shore And I must admit that I adore All you have to offer I just wish that I didn’t stop her From expressing what she feel And the moment that we share is real
There is a fear of life and death And there is burning regret That you have not got to live it right When they take your whole life And pulverise your wanton veins So they can see the stains On the carpet when they clean it up Then have the temerity to call it love I know she doesn’t understand Though she claims she can read my hands When I do not show the deck I don’t know about truth but she knows a shipwreck And she seeks to break my bow on that hill But though she may kill All of what is alive in her And sacrifice what we were Because propriety and conformity Are part of what earned her her degree And that society That she claims deference to Is no reference to What I am And she has a plan To lead with her heat maker And cry over the ones who forsake her And lock the gate on the years behind her I believed once but something said not to mind her Living in the broken brigade So I pull the switch and sit in the shade Of the great tree I love And let the light shine on me from above I guess you could call it sanctuary From the demons they launched at me
I'm writing something I'm proud of, it's a saga And you could just say I love the drama Of being in and out of an emotional state With boys that I don't even date But could you equate All that society requires With the way they set the fires In my heart just brimming full And there are no strings they pull Just help me to find the peace That I thought did decease With the passing of time But passion is mine And freedom and plurality And loving for eternity If life can be encased between two events The where'd you come from and where'd it went Anyway the dash Won't hold any cash You have to leave it behind It, your heart and your mind But your consciousness, where does that go Is that not the reason you exist, so It outlives time and space They appear in it and do not waste Any of themselves on a fragrant breath I'd tell you the truth but it hasn't happened yet
He calls me a bitch A modern day version of being a witch A vision that does not comply With someone else’s ride or die And he’s a sashay When he looks at me that way But he’s found someone else And it does no good for my mental health To stare at them both Through the windowpane of the stories you quote Me in the dark And it left a mark When you said you didn’t have the time to share With someone who would care If you let her in So I let you win And you hang up the line Somehow I know that it will be the last time We speak for a while And your smile Seems stifled prude And you act like you’re the dude On the page you play But I just pray You will grow Up and out of the mindset you know And hit me with So keep her lit And let me breathe I’m not the woman that you need
There’s a world that we live or it appears so And there are places we’re not supposed to go But we always traversed that line As though we could travel through time Back to when we begin When it was just me and him On the bus In open arms and open trust But then he turns on me And his eyes fire daggers into the sea As I’m looking through The ocean soul straight at you And I feel your pain Fall on me like acid rain And I turn away But there are things I still have to say If you would only listen But his teardrops merely glisten Like his skin in the sun Before I knew he was the one That would father my child Out in the wild Of what we were And you looked at her With sadness in your gaze And I wish I could save You from your embark But you shoot at me in the dark As though I’m the enemy Instead of the one trying to steady The ship you roll on every wave And the glass is clear but you pave Over the ceiling with concrete stone And you make someone else your home And that would be fine If you hadn’t stole my time In a whisper at the break of day And I am okay But I’m not great But I don’t hate You at all I just say goodbye to the wall You face in my direction All of this because of your selection In a different time Is loving you my only crime?
I’m standing in the heat And I feel the power of us meet As we are seventeen and eighteen I learned that every dream I ever had Could be tied to feeling bad Because it all gets taken away from me One way or another by time or indignity And you were sent like a saint Now it’s my blood you use to paint Your facebook page And I feel a certain scent of rage Colour my cheeks That you think I’m weak And need the help of my family When I’ve always rebelled at what they wanted from me Now I’m held like a noose As though I’m the golden goose That must be prized in case she is set loose By her own hand But I wouldn’t worry, I am grand And have no intention to jump from a cliff It’s all held in a what if And the march of time Can steal everything but what’s mine God plucked me from the sea When dying was all that was left of me And I fought my way to the shore Gasping and what’s more I was tired and wrecked And something woke while I slept And in the bathroom I couldn’t bear To look in a mirror that would tear Who I was to pieces Coz everything that’s born deceases And my grandmother just left this earth And I can’t seem to bear the hurt I was fourteen And my scream Was silent and unheard Except by that holy bird Who alight on my shoulder And somehow roll away the boulder In the mouth of the tomb I find my Jesus and resume My prostrations at the feet of my Lord It’s not over till you hear the spoken Word Made flesh And every regret Falls to the floor As I worship what I was born to adore
What is the call of New York And why is there a fork In the road and on the table And I am not able To leave it all behind Even if I must go out of my mind Or be labelled as such Because I love you so much And I couldn’t be there when you died Because the man asked me how I am and I cried So I got locked up in St. Pat’s again And it may be the will of men To contain what they don’t understand But I look at you and you just say “it’s grand, I won’t leave you a grá mo chroí” And even though my broken knee Falls to the floor I know there’s more Than just screaming into the air “She’s not there, she’s not there” And it was all I could do not to hit my head off the wall And they console me but I fall Into their lap and rebel against the constraint Of being okay with the colour she paint Because everyone has their own way But I must do what she say If I’m not to be medicated And I may be educated But it has been the work of my life To make sure I don’t become a wife And go down with the ship Or the forests that they equip With cutting trees And the birds and the bees Buzz around my head But I would give it all up just to lay in bed And mourn And look forlorn Because all that shattered glass Never got me an A in class It only ever drew blood Now I’m standing in the wood Trying to catch the soul that escape And the red cape Couldn’t stop the passage of time And my only crime Was trying to pause the air Now I look at your chair and you’re not there
I dreamed about you last night You were as fragile as a butterfly And it was like in real life I just had to watch you die And yet you do not leave me here You kiss me like you always did, dear On my forehead or on my cheek And when I used to feel weak I would run to your side I would hide And then let you find me And you didn’t mind me Being a little bit strange And all the peace rearrange To atoms that say that you are gone But your song Will have life as long as I am breathing You were always something I was needing As I would lie into you And at fifteen I watched you Washing the dishes at the sink And all I could do was think Of what would happen the day you died If I would break like waves of tears I cried And I insulated myself Under the veil of mental health Because I can’t shatter again And there are legions of men Who would take my hand And make me “understand” What true love means But it’s insubstantial as the stuff of dreams And you are wholly really And even though you’ve left I still feel You in my veins and blood Like when I was lying in the wood And I felt the soul of the trees Kiss me when I’m on my knees And I know that your prayers save me Even when I cave, we Will always be a two by two And it’s not up to someone forgetting you It’s something that you always are You are not on some far distant star You are in my heart And in this instant we are not apart
The tears that flow It’s been nearly twenty years since you let go And people tell me to move on But how do I ignore the space where you’re gone A beacon of love and trust And I know they just aren’t fussed Coz to lose a grandmother is par for the course Something common, like weddings and divorce But no one told me what it would be like to have you ripped From the fortress I had equipped With everything I had So nothing bad Could happen And you were just napping In the kitchen when Rocky lay down by the settee And I had had fourteen years when you showered love on me And I know I am closer to the grave Than the point that could save You from the monsters that eat your soul But somehow I know that Jesus made you whole And the cancer spreads I’m crying in bed But there’s nothing I can do I can’t heal you At least not yet But there’s something I will never forget Like when you told me good things come to those who wait And I trudge through the hate Coz I know your advice is true And there was wisdom that had its home in you And you made rhubarb tart for us all I take a place by the wall But you wink at me And save the biggest piece and for free You offer me the whole damn world I’ll always be your girl
The broken record plays the tune And I dance coz I’m the only one in the room And it’s effervescent gold But I still do what I’m told When they get the whip and chain And scream like they’re making it rain When they bellow at me But it only fans the fire sacramentally As I kneel in the temple of my own being And no one can take away what I’m seeing Like that boy I professed my soul to He told me where to go but you Can’t make me leave home Even if you leave me there all alone It’s my house anyway And though I’m sad that you couldn’t stay I’m not gonna make you play Some game that means you do what I say If you don’t want to Go do you And go do her I don’t know what we were If the whole time You were living the crime You kept from me And our history Is a greyed out, redacted document Kept in the file of “once heaven sent”
The secret store Are all the stories I kept before I found a blank page To hold all my rage And people are multifaceted I don’t think she acted it When she told me to go fcuk myself That day in her presence And the mark still leaves a crescent Shaped bite on my arm I never thought she would harm Me in that way But that’s the price you pay For loving the games you play And leaving it all on the field The way the fortress might yield If I could bridge the gap But I never could read the map That led to the heart of her And I could write mountains about what we were But am I just looking to the past For a mast I can use to set sail And does my courage fail When she stares at me down the barrel of the gun Like she’s got a single shot and I am the one The bullet is for And a closed door Hurts more than the blood in my veins Pouring out of me like the rains Upon the ground I know He didn’t get it so I said it slow But nothing caught on And he tells me he is gone But I see his shadow at the door When he thinks the light won’t catch him anymore
It’s impossible to stay angry at you When you flick that gaze at me And I swore that it would be us For eternity But the dials switched and changed The atoms rearranged And it seemed like our history Would stay in the past Like me getting all those A’s in class And they called me names Like all I am is brains And Deirdre, she cut me down Made me wanna run clear outta that town And she would pick away at me Til I had enough and infinity Isn’t far enough to be away from her Even though I mourn what we were And I know her depths go unknown And some of them were shown To me too And there were parts that were true But the lies they perforate And before I know it it’s that date Again And men Seem like my only salvation As I make x and y balance the equation And I thought I had struck gold In the ground or at the end of the rainbow You turned out to be the same as her though It was all shits and giggles But the next thing the girl wriggles And you’re gone And I say so long To all that I thought you were Enjoy the business you have with her I’m sure it’s mighty fine But just don’t try to waste my time Saying you’re my friend When I only ever saw the end Of what you were trying to sell And I wish you both well But I’m not gonna gallop that pony And I could be wrong but you’re full of baloney
So I guess his girlfriend hates me now Because I let him in and allow Him to take me to dance Give love at first sight a second chance And I won’t refuse him If he knocks on my door Prove to God Who loves him more And I know you’ve made him happy And I don’t envy the task But there is still so much I’ve got to ask You both coz I wanna be friends With the two of you Don’t doubt that I love you too Some kind of sister In the scene You were his twenty something dream And I can only catch a glimpse of him Through the photographs in which I swim That you took And I wrote a book About the way feelings clash Hot and cold fronts, smoke and ash But I don’t want a showdown with fragrant air I’m glad that you were there To catch his tears and resound his laughter And you’re cute but I know what you’re after As you fool a second glance In a sort of romance But you gotta know I gotta say That I’ve loved him In every way Picked up the crumbs he dropped on the path Be the beauty in the aftermath And I don’t want an enemy Or someone taking swipes at me I just want to kneel as I confess I envy you in that dress And all that I missed out in the fire You’re burning earth on the pyre And I’m sure a furnace or two Knows the depths and breadth of you And you look at each other But he is my soul brother And I gotta let him know Let the love show In the diagrams refract Is it okay if I come back And be the mirror to reflect Not something circumspect But deep blue truth That professed secrets of our youth And he used to be an emotional kid And I was straight laced, he took the lid Off of all I can’t contain I’m singing summertime in the rain As we share each other’s speech And he’s tall and got reach And I know in his secret heart He has held onto you I know what he wants to do And I can’t escape From the flash of a red cape As it floats in the mirror And I was so blind I didn’t see her As I made an overview of you I mapped the things that you could do And I give up the fight Coz I wanna be a good person and alright And I feel if you knew all there was to know There is no way you would ever go I keep hidden the best part of me But I’m opening up so you see All that’s left of what we were It’s not a matter of me or her
It’s a grievance, this hate that’s burning inside And my gratitude for being alive Is unsustained And it rained On the sunniest day Everyone asking if I was okay But I can’t have you Though it’s not as if I even wanted to And you’re far away I only came to say I think you’re awesome, okay And you fire back a retort I guess you were a little short In the olden days And there are so many ways I can’t have you At least not like you wanted me to And I sigh Is forever just a long goodbye As the darkness calls Leads us down miscellaneous halls To where it all began And I ran For my life You want a wife And I’m all open seas You’ll never get me on my knees Begging to hold The absence of which you scold Like a never say die I know I caught your eye It’s just your heart is free And I don’t want it to capture me And let all my toil Simply going off the boil Because this love is real And there are things that will heal If you want them to If you let me I will hold you In my steady gaze I don’t need no hero to try and save Me from what I already am I guess it’s less without a plan
A full grown woman in my thirties It’s something I never wanted to be It smacks of decay and ingenuity And they want me to confirm their lies But growing up means your spirit dies If you conform to identity And let them make a role of me And she shouts me down So I start to drown In all they don’t want me to know They scream to just let him go But how do they not see He and I are one eternally Somewhere in a field afar We are joined underneath a star And we may never be a heteronormative pair He’s restrictive and I don’t care About the might he threatens to unleash I could always sense the beast That hid beneath the calm facade And this is not about making you feel bad It’s about trying to express the truth of my soul But they just smack me til my eyes roll And I pull myself out of that shit They’re not the cycle I’m spinning with
Death comes to take everything I love And I lose the glove I wore when I was younger and blue And it was all I could do to hold onto you But I had to let you go your own way Because there’s nothing that I can say To stem the tide Of that which cannot abide In the tome of fate I never gave in to hate But I couldn’t hold the love you carry And the boy I want to marry I ran him off Because I couldn’t pay the cost That it would require And now the whole world is on fire With the hate that burns As the aching turns It on its axis and spin And once I was with him But things change and so did he So I let go and now I’m free
My heart is touched By the ones I love so much And I can’t bear the loss Bearing the heavy weight of cost Of all this time And everything that’s mine Will one day belong to the sky We do not know the hour we die Or the day or the year All I know is that a tear Slides down my face When something goes to waste Because it was not said And it pounds in my head As I’m lying in bed Hoping to stay warm And all form Is permeable to The water that just wears through Our steady soul And the waves roll Over the Burren floor It was once at the bottom of the ocean and what’s more It’s solidity Is only apparent when it’s taken from me To go sliding away I close my eyes to the day And embrace the night Have people ask; “are you alright?” And yes I am, but no I’m not Like asking a candle is it hot As it slowly melts This is made to be felt As it sits in my chest And holds the people I love the best In the Kilglass sun What if everything is the One
She can’t stop running interference And though I held her dear once I can’t keep up this spin Why don’t you keep that aspect of yourself for him Like you’ve been trained to do But I never will be you In all this mountainous thunder And taking a number To be what you are Has every star Been categorised And every sunset a way the day dies I don’t know about your aching pain As it tries to force me to stand in the rain Because you got wet From a time you cannot forget All the lights shine But forever will never be mine As long as I pick up after you I feel cold at the sound of your laughter too Because it rings of disdain And your aching stain On the carpet or sheet There must have been a reason we meet By universal design But know that I cannot call mine What only pulverises And she surmises That I’m cutting, direct The words she hurls haven’t changed me yet But I just feel this sigh Coming on like a longing goodbye As I wonder why She never understood jack And now she cannot take it back
There’s darker than that in the shadows And the girl rebelled on All Hallow’s Eve and there were claps of thunder I saw them taking my number So I ran and ran Now no one can Reach me And no matter what they teach me I cannot unsee the truth That perforated the wisdom of my youth They try to placate Say; find a perfect date Find a man you can settle down with Though it might be hard coz you’re such a bitch But I don’t care anyway I just sway With the leaves in the trees As everyone believes that down on your knees Is the way to free But it just isn’t me And the man is beautiful, the man is real But he just closes down how I feel And say’s to me on the phone Goodbye, Laura, now I’m alone As the bombs go off And I pay the cost For the rattling rain That hammers my doorstep again And again and again I can’t reasonably blame the weather on men But then I do I just blame you For casting me out For casting aspersions and self doubt On who I am And if I’ve any choice as to who I can Love, it will never be you Even if your baby blue Is enticing My soul is advicing Me to depart I do it all with solemn heart
When people implore me with their eyes But I don’t care who dies Because I have seen beyond the form And what happens when the body warm Soon turns cold and depart The spirit leaves by the heart And returns to join it’s immortal core They struggle to say I love you more In their attempts at suppression Some kind of drive at oppression Til I’m twenty nine and in confession As the priest says this will be your last aggression But I just can’t muster up the energy to say I’m saving it for another day Because everything is now And somehow In the forest of storm I found that which was never born And so can never leave this earth The something beyond the hurt And though they try to scratch and claw They are no match for the Great Thaw That is unfolding humanly On the planet and undoing me Well the “me” I thought I was It does not abide by laws But sits in it’s own sweet soul And tells the waves to roll and roll They will still meet the beach If this is what it is to teach Then call my words silent prose This is the less travelled road
The porcupine is out tonight She hits me with her firing light And everything is just fair game She shells me and I don’t feel the same Because everything is just a mood And all she ever does is brood To bake what she can never cook And do everything by the book The book she names The book she recites She looks at me And dynamites Everything that ever was She says that she does it coz She loves me but I think that’s a hoot I watch as the flames take root In desire and in fear I push away when she comes near Coz forests come and forests go But the green will stay the same so I trust in my own hands of clay When I just walk surreptitiously say Nothing at all to you It’s been an ocean, these shades of blue
I edit the muse Because I feel the ruse Is too obvious to everyone around So quiet as a mouse I don’t make a sound Til it implodes And everyone goads Me til a break in my mental health Is the cards that I am dealt I smile into the sun And I look for the one Meanwhile, on the run I end what was never begun And I look to him for salvation He hasn’t got any I thought he had the truth But it’s just one of the many And something he spouts To eschew his self doubt I look within And I find a power greater than him Deep in my soul He could make all the waves roll But he can’t command the sea Or make a woman out of me Just coz he’s a man He kicks the can Down the road And the car slowed To see what he was doing I’m no girl for the pursuing So I let it go I’m not sure if he ever got it though
He wants to mean something to me But he was just a dream that never got to be And now he self flagellates That he never took the girl on dates And he makes do with what he has But most of the time he just feels bad That he settled for Someone he could never adore Only ever be useful to And she’d skull the devil to get to you Because you’ve got that verdant green And arches her back the way it had never been Before And the shore May be a more sunny shade of grey But you and I were never that way So I take the bull by the horns But something warns Me to just let it go He’s not what you think, you know And he rained bloody blue hell On the summer of wishing me well And I don’t know if he can tell But when I fell I fell hard And let the bard Inside of me run loose But she has run out of juice And gets by on mere gasoline I wonder does she ever scream When you make her high I wonder does she feel you When you wanna die Like I do I’m miles away and the needle pulls through On another thread I don’t want to be witness to someone else’s bed But I feel it all And I forestall The grief For mere belief In who I am to be You won’t make a whore out of me
The control is like a vicegrips, it sneaks round my neck And I wonder which part of me she will wreck With the next seize I let go and I believe That everything is okay Innocently go about my day And then it comes Like a wave of a hundred drums Banging their beat Like people with the floor and feet And she snatches up what she can grasp But this thing can never last Coz it just burns the fuse When I am something she would use To ameliorate herself And gain some kind of wealth In someone else’s eyes But it’s a disguise And the lies Are so obvious now But when I believed them, not somehow
He thinks he owns wherever he sets his flag And he wants me so bad But I can see that he just wants to conquer ground And lay claim to my sound And there are many ways for the male To set their sail High up into the sky But I would rather die Than be anybody’s business So I will not be your mistress Not any kind of bargaining chip As you equip Your long guns and your cannons rare To fire on what you feel is not fair And you train your pistol or your rifle On the girl who would dare trifle With your reign You will not see me again As I take my leave For the sake of what you would believe About me Do you doubt me You will see My home is in eternity Not in a dishevelled pair of eyes Who barely manage to uphold their disguise By burying themselves in a girl Like she would be your world If you managed to make her comply But like I said I cannot lie Empty as the grave I left It’s not me who’s bereft As the sun without light Solar power in moonlight
The Poetry Book 