Category: New River

Crumble To The Floor

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I just crumble to the floor
Without them here
I loved them so very much
So very dear
And now they’re someplace
There’s an awning chasm
My throat it chokes
And my heart aspasm 
And I try to make sense
Of the absent space
And I just 
Keep seeing your face
In dreams and words 
I hear spoken unto
And it’s almost as if
They come from you
As you watch over us
You take my hand
He says, chin up
You will be grand
And for once I trust 
In my rugged feet
Coz they lead me to where
The waters meet
And I’m supported on both sides
They each have an arm
And Granny says agrá
I’ll keep you from harm
And I try to be strong
But I just want to cry
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to die
But it seems that that’s
The way of things
And the choir knows
Of something that sings
And I just feel like collapse
Into a reverie
Til I remember 
Our history
And how you never leave
Coz it’s always in love
Now you’re just shining down
From above
While he makes a rainbow
Out of colours of sky
You know, my girl
We’ll never die
Coz we’re held somewhere
Beyond all that 
There’s no signposts
There are no maps
But you can find me
If you look within
I sigh but feel
The breath of him
As we’re playing draughts
Again on the seat
It’s a holy encounter
Where beauty meets
What I’d been saying 
For so long
What if it’s not true
What if they’re not gone
But a hairs breadth away
In all the din
Together again
Just her and him
And we’re not apart
Coz they live in my soul
I’ll hold it together
In all the growing old
And it’s more than memory 
It is ever present
I feel their love
I feel their Presence
And they’d never leave
Coz they loved me so
Is it wrong to wish
They didn’t have to go 
And to hold the pain
Inside like a crutch
They tell me to let go
And just stand up
That they will walk
Every step of my life
With one on
Either side
And I just wanna break 
Into floods of tears
Will it be ages
Years and years
Or can I see you again
By some sacred view
They tell me don’t you know
We’d never leave you
And if you just open
The heart you protect
You will see that our love
Is with you yet
And forever will
Hold you close
The Father, Son
And The Holy Ghost

The Way We Burn

.Reading time 1 minute.
The flame is burning me red
I’m ashes in the skins I’ve shed 
As I grow out of another domain
Does everybody live with this much pain
Or am I marching to my own beat
They say if you can’t stand the heat
You should get out of the fire
But it just takes me higher 
As I let go of all that’s frayed 
I kinda wished that I had stayed
To feel the feel of you move in me
You kinda set me free
With a single gaze
Did you know that I save
People with my soul
And I’ll love you til I grow old
And die a death
In the land of no regret
That builds a pyre
Dark black smoke as though a tyre
Was set to plume
Suddenly you’re in the room
And I feel all the fear depart
As you simply command my heart
To flutter and still
Some things change but this never will

Photo Credit:https://pin.it/4KgkFLt

Jesus Is Lord

.Reading time 1 minute.
The burning pain encases my soul
And like the waves I roll and roll
Until I crash to the floor
And all I used to adore
In verdant green
Is part of what it means 
To walk in this skin
And part of me’s in love with him
As we age and pale
Giving up what’s not for sale 
To the highest bidder
It’s first come, first served and the weather
Is just one more seasonal spin
Do I let him in
Coz he’s knocking down my door
Hammering ever more and more 
As the years pass 
And I was outclassed
In the long grass
And today I went to Mass
And felt that age old relief
As I stepped back into belief 
As I stare at a man on a cross
Thinking all is not lost
Coz my Saviour died for me 
But He lived and that sets me free
That Truth exists 
And quells the sound in the mists 
That grapple and let me go
This cloud looks like it’s full of snow
Or thundered might
But Jesus loves me and I’m alright

Photo Credit: https://pin.it/5eSMcGv

This Haunted House

.Reading time 1 minute.
We’re both ghosts
In this haunted house
And Wednesday’s child
Is full of self doubt 
As she rolls in woe
And you tell me to just let go
Say you’ve moved on and that you’ve got a girl
A job with the boys, moving up in the world
And I’m living with my parents and lost in the stars
Throwing rocks at walls coz they’re prison bars 
That hold us back from who we really are
And I’d love to have you by my side in my car
As I go deeper spiritually
But is it just the delusion that is drawing me
As maya plays her screen on my face
And I grow tired of growing old in this place 
And it’s in its infancy, this brutal tide
Death is a wellspring to nourish alive
Coz the water is deep and the water is pure
And it’s the only thing that we know for sure 
The impermanence of form, the willful whistle
When you roll down the grass but you land on a thistle
That is fighting it out just to survive
Feel your breath lift and know you’re alive

How About It?

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How about it
How ‘bout we catch on the sly
How ‘bout we both grow wings
And learn how to fly
From here on the ground
The clouds look like air
And you drop your eyes 
Coz you can’t meet my stare
As it’s fleeting by
We move and we learn
We’re born and we die
But there’s something in us
That’s outside of time
And I don’t have to own you
To call you mine
Coz I’m dodging bullets
To matrix that shit
And you’re the man
I’m walking with
In your long black coat
And super fly 
I know there were days 
You were down but high
And you have to survive 
Because the one I love is alive
And here to save the day
I see it in you, okay?

Remember Me, Love

.Reading time 1 minute.
Remember me, love
As I lie in wait
I sit on the bed
And think of a date 
I once had with you
I was one of the few
To walk in that open door
Would you like to see the shore
That laps the waves
And all the lost boys it saves
And Barry made a joke of me
But he was hella cute
Even if he did play the flute
And I’m looking at Hozier
On a magazine
Thinking he might just be the dream
Some Andrew Byrne with height
I bet we’d never fight
Only do things 
He dare not speak
Lest I see where he’s weak
And now I have the freedom
To be encased
Do you remember 
The first time our hearts raced
As we sat side by side
Just bristling with the feeling
Of being alive
And you zing with magic
Some electric touch
And I know I’m someone 
You’d like to rush
Into something unseen
I’m just part of the dream
On your screen
No solipsis, just the Queen
To put a crown on your head
And there are mornings
We could wake up dead
But, so far, we’re good
No Snow White in the wood
Just a single dancing elf
That asks you to just be yourself
When you move with me
It’s priceless, baby, but its free

Messages To The Sincere

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I write about you
About half as much as him
Coz you were the first ghost
That I let in
To see the spirit that fuels me
And the fighting that duels me
Always fencing with a post
Or sailing by a pretty coast
And I just want to let it out
All that has shattered my doubt
And I try to make paper planes exist
But they’re matchstick men and I can’t resist
Pulling the plug on another show
I love you so much that I let you go
To have your own freedom, I’m all at sea
And I trusted you with the best of me
But it’s a kaleidoscope on the front
And there are four weeks in every month
And twelve in a year
Are you getting any closer, dear
I was trying to protect 
Our memory or what’s left
Of it, now you live alone
And I’m scared to hit up your phone
In case you don’t reply
But what if you get the message and you die 
Coz it’s happened before and it’ll happen again
And I can’t be saved by the world of men
At best they’re a distraction
I’m not out to get some action
But hold a hand and heart aloft
I’m kinda shy but I’m still a boss
You might not know it at first sight
But it comes around to that, alright?

Steven On The Stillorgan Road

.Reading time 1 minute.
I think you are beautiful, I think you're a star
You really don't know how lovely you are
And I'd love to look at you and see you within
Your soul forms a shape and its constellating
And your eyes they are diamonds that shine from your core
I'd love to love you and then a little bit more
And your face draws my gaze but I don't want to stare
All I know is that I know you are there
And you don't fade away and you do not flinch
In the years that have passed you have not moved an inch
And we may be old and weary on the bone 
But I know in your presence I am not alone
And I wish I could spend some time by your side
Kiss the ground that you walk because you walk alive 
Shrink the violets to colour the room 
Thank you for coming not a minute too soon

The Grief Stricken Heroine

.Reading time 3 minutes.
The grief stricken heroine 
Of the story
I was told that God
Always walked before me
But where is He
In this landscape bare and thin
I wonder if I 
Should have ever let him in
Coz the doors are closed 
On the avenues 
And I’m full 
Of missing you’s 
But it doesn’t seem to matter
How many tears I cry
They can never make the ones
I love not die
And we’re all just wasting time
And trading places
Is there a dimension 
Where I can see their faces
And feel their soul
Not everyone 
Is bound to get old
And even when they do
There comes a time
When I’ve got to admit
That they are not mine
But one with the great
Vast Spirit untold
I’ve tried to stay strong
But I let my cards fold
And give in to cry
Alone in my room
If this is a dream
Can I wake up soon
Because the love is longing
And just a wave
And in the end
There’s no one I can save
But hold out my hands
Empty towards
And I’m not one who believes 
That prayers are just words
But emissaries 
To another state
Two thousand years 
Is a long time to wait
For your saviour to return
Is this place just a space to learn
And if I do will it make worthwhile
The ancient in the hidden smile
That comes across me unbidden
Into the land of the living
As I patch another shoe
Another hole, another you
And the loss is chasming 
A vast abyss
I wonder how people
Don’t feel they miss
What’s gone on and who have left
Is life just a Cosmic Yes
To discover
And if I’m okay
Does it mean I don’t love her
As I try to do justice to her trust in me
Has she partaken of Infinity
That calls all souls
Like gravity as the ball just rolls
Into the place it’s meant to be
Is forever my destiny
As I swirl onwards and henceforth
It’s like I feel no remorse
As I give in to the swing of time
And making messages in a bottle rhyme
Too much to be true
They are like little notes I’m leaving for you
To say I am here
And, my love, I’ve held you dear
As the tide marches on
One day we will all be gone
Or will we, is it true
Is there a space that is facing you
Where all is held
In little lines that you weld
Into perfect stone
And I have found my home
Under the tree, swinging the branches down
On the rope you made for us to go to town
With and I will never forget
And you’re still with me yet
As I concede to give up the fight
Let go of tears and be alright
And live in the fullness of colour they’re due
I might be getting up, not getting over you
No matter what they say
The ocean was not made to keep the waves at bay
But lap the shore
I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted anything more
Than to be the light
I look up to Heaven and hope that I’m right

Man for Life

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Giving up on the dream of a man for life
One where he’d be husband to my wife 
And the aching of tomorrows won’t hold me near
Is there anyone I can call dear
Coz the forest it grew around your name
I’m at a loss and it’s all the same
Coz you’re the one I had earmarked for the role
Staring at you through the depths of my soul
By now I’m just fine drinking down wine
Say it’s just as well for the thousandth time
Coz you’ve got a girl or a woman, I know
I’m just making angels traced in the snow
Coz you held my hand for once and forever
Growing up strong through the human endeavor 
But all of your might can’t snatch this candle
Maybe I was just too much to handle
Coz you build mountains in testament to
All that I never was to you
And I throw out the flame but end up burned
We’re just standing on earth as the axis turned
And I know you’ve soliloquies hidden somewhere
It’s just long past the time that I dare
To go searching in the brush
You can take it easy, you don’t have to rush
Coz I still see you somewhere made of stars
Like the song goes I’m just chasing cars
Somewhere around in my head
It’s been eight years but the feeling ain’t dead
Only lying in wait for what is to come
Could you really not be the one
As I set my glass at the end of the page
I think I’ll love you for an eon or age
Coz I’ve ripped out the sequins from my party dress
I’m standing at your door and I confess
That I’ll love you forever til the end of my days
But it’s okay if we go our separate ways
Coz you’ve got summer hidden in your bones 
And I always love to kick it alone
But I wish you well and the best of health
Trying hard to stay open in the days of stealth 
But you know that this verdant green is a wealth
You were the heat, I’m a snowflake to melt
And if you see me somewhere in the future
I’ll nod my head and I’ll salute ya
Coz you were the brilliance for me just once
Now you’re free as a bird, well that’s just a hunch
And maybe someday we’ll be come what may
But just for now I’ve got to say
That I’m letting you be as the rope goes slack
I love you but, darling, I don’t want you back

The Age Of Him

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Cruising at 35,000 feet
I’m on the ground, I can’t stand the heat
As it’s burning through my clothes and skin
The rage, the page, the age of him
As he’s darkly circumspect
And I’m the weakness you know best
As you ruminate your heel
I know the ways you cannot deal
In singing songs and infidelities 
In formation like a flock of geese
And I’m weary at the knees
Trying my best to please
But you just turn your head
No empty space in your bed
But someone else instead
I think the trauma’s going to my head
As you ashen faced tell me the truth
I drop the pillars of our youth
And they fall asunder
Did you know death had your number
When he rang your phone
Now I am all alone
And won’t come to your door
Because I couldn’t want you more
But you left me like a sleep
Like I’m a problem you can’t keep
Close to your chest 
Does your lover know you best
And is it her or me
I don’t know, I’ve got to see

The Age of the Airbender

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Do you see yourself in my refractions
And are these words more than transactions
Coz I can’t spell out what we seem to be
And it’s been years that you’ve blamed me
For something that is not my fault
Like pulling tracks from the vault 
Like you’re a songstress with a pen
And I land at your door once again
With a bouquet of apologies
If you want I’ll ask from my knees
Coz you are age old and awesome
You’re a kaleidoscope 
And it’s a slippery slope
Back into what we always were
It’s always my name next to her
And it’s not all roses in this flower bed
But I’m still a place you can rest your head
And lean on if you need strength
And I return the books you rent
Coz you loaned them to me
And you are my degree set free
In moderation, that is key
As we peer through our history
The faint light we used to be
Is now a river running free
Cause there are oceans calling us
And you’re a love that I trust
To always come back around
You be silence in the sound

The Lever To Balance By

.Reading time 1 minute.

Oh, there’s the lever to balance by
He said the same thing to me, that really nice guy
And he had a pretty cute beard on his face 
And my thoughts of him are a disgrace
Coz I saw him sitting in a darkened room
It’s like the wind blew him in on the doom
And he sat in the seat beside my bed
Looked into my eyes with each word that he said
And I’ve got him tied up like a shoelace
It’s all about love and making space
Making room into eternity 
Is forever all that would be
Us if we were to make two
You know that I love you
In your casual askance 
I smile and ask you to dance
And we do behind the walls
Shining like professionals 
As we move toe to toe
You know I won’t let you go

See Me Through

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Poetry prompt - see me through
The window is anything but you
As we stare across the plain
And I won’t play this again
Like a solo on a guitar
I’m not gonna know what you are
By staring at a screen 
It’s just pulling me deeper into the dream
That ineffable maya
And God loves a trya’ 
But I can’t keep banging my head against a wall 
When you just share it all
With friends 
And this love never ends 
Like the story and the flight 
That we take to be alright

Going Out Dancing

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Going out dancing
Used to be my meditation
A welcome adjunct 
To my education
Now I stare at times gone by
And wonder how I 
Could entertain 
A world I have lost in vain 
And I look upwards into the rain
Has the love been replaced by pain
Or is the pain just a symbol of
A holy white, a dove
Coming to rest on my shoulder
Making it impossible to carry the boulder 
Up another hill
We do not need skill 
To roll the dice
Life doesn’t happen twice 
It happens Now 
And even reincarnation somehow
Is only a reiteration of the fact
The past is gone and you can’t get it back 
The future has not and will never come 
And the heart of life is just One

L.A. Anymore

.Reading time 1 minute.
I don’t go to L.A. anymore
Not since the person locked the door
And I begged outside the window
I never did catch sight of him though
And I can be cutting in my remarks
And we were nothing if not all sparks
But I had to leave my coat on the grass
To climb up to the height of what you ask
As you kneel to kiss me slowly
And I could’ve sworn you didn’t know me
Except the moment I looked away
And you bow your head, I don’t know what to say
Except that maybe if I profess
And throw away my little black dress
That maybe you might relent
You’re an angel, heaven sent
But I have my own pair of wings
They shelter me whatever the weather brings
And I feel I have to hold back from you
Coz I don’t know what to do
And maybe is it okay
If I touch you that way
Run my hands down your arms
The length of you between my palms
And you are tall to be sure
And my love is deep and pure
Or so I’ve been told
Is it alright if I put your name in bold
While I write it next to mine
I think about it all the time
That maybe you might meet me by the shore
Or the rivers I adore
Not always hanging out in the city
See an equal not self pity
And fly out from the X 
The wilderness what’s coming next

The Material Dimension

.Reading time 1 minute.
Stop trying to be something I’m not
Watch as you miss a clear shot
As you stare into my eyes
Your deep blues like the wilderness of skies
And am I crazy to stay hung up on you
Thinking of things that we could do
With the lights turned off
As we spend nights where our clothes get lost
And I know it’s taboo but it’s also touché
If I’d have known the significance of that day
And that one day I’d want to have kids
With your smile flipping the lid
On all I’ve got cooking up a storm
And it’s your breath that keeps me warm
As you lie next to me
Sighing slowly intentionally 
Just to drive me wild once more
I’m still knocking at the door
And don’t make me implore
That I want you as much as before
So we can make mini me’s
I couldn’t see the expanse of trees
And would you maybe dance with me
If I look at you so physically
And if I blush would you turn red
As we share the same bed
It’s just a dream I have on lock 
I know it’s something that I’m not
Or at least what I try to be
Are you still staring at me
Well, what you got under those lids
Do I care enough to call myself his
As our hands intertwine 
Maybe, baby, I’ll call you mine

Real Person Then

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Making my peace with 2014
I snatched a thread in the bed of the dream
And everything cascaded in
And it was all the colour of him
And I couldn’t stand to hear Hozier play
It was all just a symbol of what’s taken away
When you tell the truth
And the pillars of youth
Fell in upon me 
Like I was so gone, we
Had to find a replacement to measure up
To the toxic flame of our burnt love

In One

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Mercury’s in retrograde
And Irish people call a spade a spade 
Coz you know that morbid humor 
Isn’t gonna make it get you any sooner 
And I’m poised between a perfect spin
And in my mind I’m dancing with him
On an empty street
Oh, how I cursed the stars that meet
Us on the street or on the bus
There was just that feeling of trust
As I let myself believe
And I watch you hide your hands up your sleeve 
That morning in the Mall
Want to take a walk or shall
We just stare at each other across a mirage 
And I draw lines across your visage 
That will one day be a wrinkle in time 
But you’ll never stop being fine
As I watch you live your life with someone else
You advise me it’s best to take care of my mental health 
Coz you know stability is a wealth
So I smack the camera out of your hand
I will be grand 
Just not knowing
Coz I’m not finished growing
Gardens in my mind 
And they’re not well tended or left behind 
They are veritably wild 
And in my heart I’m still a child 
And I scoff in the face 
Of the rules that you chase 
So go ahead, be normal
Address me in a tone that’s formal
Coz you don’t have the time 
To watch my stellar shine
And maybe you were just afraid 
Coz, you know, that “bitch”, she slayed 
And all the lines that they encase
Won’t find you that dream you chase
Of 2.5 and a car
Don’t you ever wonder what we are 
And reincarnation kinda resembles the setting sun
But do you think we could get it in one
Coz this axis is an endless spin
And Nirvana revealed itself to him
When I let him into my sphere 
Now we are ever near
Like two orbiting souls 
Planets ruled by the poles 
But what is this non dual understanding 
All I know is you were commanding
My attention when you suggested
That we go get arrested
Just for the hell of it
Who am I sharing my heart with?
But I can’t help the laugh that escapes 
And not all superheroes wear capes 
But you sure do
Could I kick it with you 
In the summer of our age
I think I’m gonna need another page 
To get this down 
I won’t wear a gown
But in a t-shirt and jeans
I met the man of my dreams

Marriage Proposals

.Reading time 3 minutes.
I got my last marriage proposal during MCR
While I was dancing just missing her 
And a guy got down on one knee 
It wasn’t timing, it was just destiny 
And Gerard Way was giving it socks 
A year before Ken undid all the locks 
And we’re dancing to the groove
You’re covered in mud watching me move 
And I say gee shucks 
And we both give all the fucks 
In the world in that moment held 
Seventeen and in the Veld 
As we both let the music just carry
Us to the meaning of marry 
And, now, cut to the scene 
Have the past million years been just a dream 
And I know it was a joke 
In the years before woke 
Culture took the lead
And society screams the way we bleed 
In the teen years of forever 
And it’s just a step above never never
And before the banking suit
But I cut and run and he’s still a flute 
That just drinks its own flavor in
And I guess I am taken with him
From now until the end of time 
An alchemy I thought I’d left behind 
In the young years before twenty four 
Took more from me than I can adore 
And I’m all for making the best of things 
But they sort of clipped my wings 
As they held me in a cell 
In all but name and with a bell
By the bed in case I need 
A nurse to recite the creed
That I live by now 
It’s rote learned and it makes me bow 
Like a weeping willow to the floor
And it just makes me think of you more
And wonder if you think I’m crazy
And I just call you baby
In my mind when they shut the doors 
Locked them and what’s more 
Tell me that I can’t leave 
And what I’m supposed to believe 
Like a mannequin 
With puppet strings, where do I begin 
To tell the story of a desert town
And the thought of that gown 
Hanging in my wardrobe unworn
Is like the vow we’ve never sworn
To each other haze
Looking our for someone to save
Me from this maze
But it’s just the end of days
Every morning that you wake up
To begin is to end the love
Coz what Is always is
And if we meet does that mean I’m His? 
Or is it just a summer spin
Here’s the sound of me letting you in

The Second Stephen

.Reading time 2 minutes.
We were just three 26 year olds 
Sitting in a bar
I was daydreaming about being a star
And he said he might be Batman
That I might doubt it but he can 
Make me believe 
As he wipes his nose with his sleeve 
And I was tickled by the games we play
As Rock Paper Scissors goes my way
And Sinéad is on my other side 
She’s kind of the way I hide 
My true heart from you
Coz I’m scared you might want to
Take this down below 
And I’m a no show 
When it comes to that
I just want you to love me back
As we talk about Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse
And I’m hearing the words just drop from your mouth
In a year from now
We’ll be in that age somehow 
Coz we were all born on the 9-0
And I don’t want to wake up though
To you gone
And I’m drunk and so long
Rings in my head as I write an essay about you
Sinéad’s asleep and it’s a quarter past two 
And I write your name on a bar mat 
Coz I wanna remember you like that
And there’s no way I’ll see you again
But I catalogue a range of men
And you made the cut 
I touched your hand and it was what
You didn’t say that led me on
And I’m singing my own song
As I reminisce and I might have cried 
Coz there are people I’ve loved who’ve died 
And it’s more than nothing just to know 
You can love someone who let you go
And all I know is the Stillorgan Road
Is somewhere the traffic slowed 
As it went by your house 
And you live with your sister and your mouth
Looks inviting
But the in-fighting
In my brain pushes me away
I just want to remember you, okay
In two page and a half of semi slurred ink
Will be a reminder of someone that I think
Is pretty awesome cool
You’re even better than learning in school
All that I’ve come to be 
I hope that you’re reunited with me 
In some future dream 
I grasp you and I pull a seam

Alley Cat

.Reading time 1 minute.
But I need a man, it’s as simple as that
And you’re right up my alley, cat
And I’m climbing the walls and I’m burning down curtains
Worrying you with the way that it’s hurtin’ 
Coz you’re stellar but you’re incomplete
And I thank the stars that made us meet
As they crossed separate paths 
There are things I won’t take back
Just coz summer’s in the sky
And I do not lie 
When I say you’re everything to me
But I want you to be free
To love the one you’re with
I’m okay to take a hit
If that’s how you roll the dice 
I know that I wasn’t nice
When I screamed profanity
Down a line listening to me
Just offload my lorry truck
Did you ever give a fuck
Or did you just give too much 
It’s okay you aren’t butch
You’re just the kind of guy I need 
Please don’t make me bleed
From the want of the walls that stay
And you just blew them all away
With your sudden gust of wind 
I grow out of the thought I’ve sinned 
Coz they told me I had to confess
Now I just look like a mess 
And I never considered 
Until the branch withered 
With the weight of what it can’t bear
I watch the fabric tear
Of a dream I’m walking in
But you look at me and I begin

Liquor Talk

.Reading time 1 minute.
The last time we spoke
I found you unabashedly woke
And I was a little shy
Coz I feel I’m gonna die
Like dead, like RIP me
Coz you are quintessentially free
And I can’t contain
An ocean in your mountain of pain
Because the forest runs wild
And I have loved you since I was a child 
Growing up to the brambles and brush 
Always being in a sort of a rush
Trying to fit in all I can
Then suddenly, a man 
At eighteen years old
The story’s not even close to being told 
Coz I’m ancient and I’m new
But I’ve never seen anything like you
With your debonair 
And your cute as hell fucking hair
And I know you might disagree
But, honey, if it was up to me
I’d keep you for a century, more
Fall to the floor
Coz I adore 
Everything in the way you move 
You look like Astaire in your shoes 
As they make a pattern on me
I love you Now, eternally

My Greatest Defeat

.Reading time 1 minute.
You are my greatest defeat
I just fall at your feet
And open up the midnight in the dawn
I look to my side and you are long gone 
And I’ve mountains to climb
But there were oceans of you being mine
Just settling down with a kid on the way
What is it that people say
“You’ll understand when you’re older”
But your gravity makes me bolder
Bold enough to refuse 
The point you want to prove 
With your gravelly voice
As if I even had a choice
To choose my own oppression 
And this is my confession
You always felt like a weight to carry
This guy who sorta wants to marry
Me at half my age
There’s ink enough to fill the page
With the stories that I make of us
Pencil marks on broken trust
Coz I just rewrite the story
Think of me in all of my glory
Just asking you to stay the night
You ask me if I’m alright
And I am but I’m sorta not 
The tilted stage is a lot
And is it every relationship 
Soldiers that war equip
To hold out on each other strong
I didn’t do anything wrong
It just wasn’t meant to be
Back then, but now I see
The fluorescent in the neon light
I don’t let you outta sight
And I was queen until we meet
Hold on, I’ve got another sheet
I’ve got to fill
You forget but I never will

You’ve Already Done Enough

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Nine years of hell
Listening to the stories they tell
About who I am
As if I had a plan
To fall at your feet
And the monstrous meet
Me at the door
Coz it won’t feed anymore
On the blood you let
Do you think I forget
The fallen soul 
You robbed me of time and the begging bowl
Is getting weary with aching
In every breath that you’re taking
Of shattered glass
Nine years is too long to live in the past

Friendship Bracelets

.Reading time 1 minute.
They make the friendship bracelets for each other 
Going to the Taylor Swift concert 
And there may be a stadium full
But, still, their skin’s as thin as cotton wool 
Coz she’s sensitive
This goddess that we address
Singing of years in the machine
And being true to her dream
That’s what you get
When you cannot forget
What you are
And she is no superstar
She’s down to earth
And recounts the way it hurts
When the waves crash
Life superceded by a dash 
Between the beginning and end 
And I’ve had a friend 
Who gave one to me 
It shattered but in twenty three
I still keep the pieces 
And my love for her never ceases
Lest we entertain 
What’s been done for us in vain
Like acid rain
Peels the paint off your car
And travelers dare to go far
But by Kilglass lake 
I found something I will not forsake

Running A Ten

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
My energy system’s running a ten
And I’ve blown the fuse on the light again
And they all think I have psychosis
Some modern kind of neurosis
And it may be true that the mind
Is having trouble leaving behind
All the dreams of yesteryear 
But there’s a part of me that shows no fear
That knows, that simply realise
That everything is the sky in your eyes

Grief In Waves

.Reading time 1 minute.
I miss you and it’s been twenty years
And it’s been quite a few since I cried tears
But I remember standing with you
In the morning dew
Looking out on the fields
With nothing to do
Or seeing you gaze
At my eyeline
As I video recorded
The light that you shine
Now you’re just a photograph
Paper thin
Is there anything more
Than the memory of him
To stand on stilts 
So tall
They say time washes away
Like a waterfall
But I would never want to forget
And I remember you yet
Me, so small and hardy
You the simple net
That would catch me when I trip
I love you still and that is it
Nothing more, nothing less
And I know I don’t need to stress
About the small things
And spirit has wings
To take it to the sky
It’s just I wish you didn’t have to die
I wish I could still hold your hand
Have you say that all is grand
And that you love me so deep
I love you Granda and that’s a promise I’ll keep

Haircuts And Change

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
I don’t like the way they call you ma’am
Coz a woman could never be what I am
Am I something in between 
A girl and an androgynous dream
Coz I’ve been one of the boys
But I’m not one to break my toys
Just for the noise I would make
It’s in every breath I seem to take
As I reach out to clasp
Something I could never be and I ask
The future to make sense of my past
But all it does is roll around
Cylindrical as the sound
That pumps the blood in my veins
As constant as the realm of change

The Male Archetype

.Reading time 1 minute.
His name is Fin and he is flying
He gets my mind off thoughts of dying
As everything is in decay
And I’m always wondering who made it that way
Coz if there’s a good God
Surely he wouldn’t lead with the rod
And I’m biting my nails and looking away
But I’m waiting to see what he’ll say
As the embodiment of Adiyogi
I hope he’ll like me if he knows me
And I’ve got this barrier, this cocaine wall
But it doesn’t help me to stand tall
So I show him where there’s a gap
Give him out a detailed map
So he can find his way to me
And hopefully I’ll someday see
What life is like to hold a hand
To believe in truth and love a man

Brutal Blows And The Reveal

.Reading time 1 minute.
Death, the scar scabs over
But I pick at it 
Until it starts to bleed
And I must take heed
And heal again
Did I lose a friend
When the ocean between us
Was a nightmare so dark I couldn’t dream it
And I thought I could clamber back
But you build a house on what you lack
And I try to find away in
But I just face the sin
That builds a wall
Like the maniacs down the hall
Do 
What about you
What’s on your scene
If you could paint it on a screen 
Coz you keep it tight lipped
Would you notice the glitch if the track hadn’t skipped 
On the part where Weird Al riffs
I know there are those who’ve called me a bitch 
And maybe there’s an element of truth in their professions
But I would never want to force a confession 
Like she did to me
Did you see
The welt that she left
Cut my heart with a blade so deft
And it was like it all caved in
Til the light broke and I met him
And he showed me a shine
That used to be mine
In the days before 
She didn’t want me anymore 
But the clue
Was that I chose you
In the forest of dreams
And the screams
Are not as sharp as they used to be
Am I desensitized or do I just see
What’s there to unfold
I think I found my fields of gold

The Avenues

.Reading time 1 minute.
Which would be worse
That you move to Australia 
Or that I meet you on the street
And the words they might fail ya
As you present 
Your wife and kids
And I must contend 
With the life that’s his
And I let it go at eighteen
And I’ve been trying to right the dream
Ever since
I wince
When I think of all the truth I spilled
Out from my soul like it is killed
And I know he knotted threads
Wore them thinner as I lay in bed
With fear in my throat
If you burn a witch would she float 
And I can’t fight with this great swathe of sea
As it’s all pouring through me 
Like a vessel in the storm
Giving voice to the cold meets warm
And there’s really nothing stopping the flow
When you know you just let go

Rhythm Section, Immaterially

.Reading time 1 minute.

https://youtu.be/UOS5CP8tzYQ

Cause of death, dying
What do you expect, trying 
And I try to reason
With him but it’s just a season 
In the garden he grows
It’s all flowers and God knows
I try not to be the sky
Reflecting blues in his eyes
As they stare up at the sun
But I think he might be the One
As he moves in a sashay
And he can have me any way
He likes to entertain
And his love is not in vain
As he holds a paper heart
Out and it makes my own start
Beating a rhythm I cannot contain
Would the sky take back the rain
It had cried in tears
If it meant it could erase the years
That have gone in between
The midnight of someone else’s dream
In a come what may
What is it that the people say
That there is a wilderness beyond the hedge
And you are more than the pond you dredge
To bring up gold
And that story’s never told
If you’re looking for a quick line
In the bathroom for the thousandth time

Full On Headwreck

.Reading time 3 minutes.
He’s full on emo
And he’s got my heart
I didn’t give it to him
He just took a part
And stole away
Into the night
He says it’s cool
And I’ll be alright
But I’m here listening to
Dashboard Confessional and you
Are some other where
With some other girl 
While I turned inside out
And upside down my world 
And he just smiled
It’s like the lightning crack
He just sighed 
And doesn’t want me back
But he paints daydreams 
In my delusions
I’m all psyduck
In my own confusion
As I try to get close
But it’s like trying to catch a frightened ghost
As he comes near and then far away
And I’m at a loss for what to say
Coz he is perfect 
He’s pristine
I’m living the teenage dream
At thirty one
He still burns like the sun
And I feel the heat from over here
Is it okay if I call you dear
Coz you’re cute and fine
And fuckin lovely
You rain the showers of clouds
That wait above me
And I’m here listening to Something Corporate 
Coz you think it is important 
And I had earmarked 
Each page that you wrote
I wore down your facebook 
With all that I quote
And it’s ancient with the life
You took out west with a new bite
And I just smile at my own defiance
And you’re all self reliance
That can get by by yourself
Do you think I could add to your wealth
By shoving a note under your door
Goodbye means I love you more
As I hold back the knot of fist
That wishes to tell you I exist
But you’ve got a chick
And I bet she’s cool
I’m yesterday
And follow rules 
So don’t be mad
Don’t hate me either
Just be glad
We swam through the ether
And found each other 
One day on the grass
For me at least
The feeling last
And if you’re truly
Down with the kids
Could you explain
The moment that is
As I sigh a grey September
Your breath is something I remember 
So cool and real and hip and dude
The beauty that you exude 
Without even trying
And you know I would be lying
If I didn’t say
Hook, line and sinker
I’m more a daydreamer
Than a thinker
And I always wish for you
But I don’t know what I can do
To catch what’s mid air
The moment is high but I’m there
And then come back down to earth
I didn’t mean to hurt
Your precious and sincere
I’m just writing this
To say I love you, dear

It Was More Than That

.Reading time 1 minute.
It was a grapevine fire that caught onto you
And I didn’t want you to know I was staring through
A portal into another world
How did I not see that you had a girl
And all my detective, all my sleuth
Building pillars of time upon our youth
And they had me admitted to a psych ward
I just look at you when I’m bored
And it makes me smile 
Then Emmett crashes in for a while 
With his clipboard and pen 
Could you say that again 
Like I said to you
The pain in your eyes was pushing me through
The eye of a needle so fine
God, I wish we would’ve had more time
Til the separate 
Would you call it fate
Or just say it’s my fault 
That a heart’s not made to be locked in a vault
And let out on special occasions 
Jesus, what are those abrasions 
Did you roll down a hill
He tells the truth but I never will
In his company 
And he just acts the fool with me 
And I feel whole 
I didn’t realise I’d found my soul

The Social Outcast

.Reading time 1 minute.
I used to be a Queen
A butterfly
And I was not
Afraid to die
Surfing the waves
Of come what may
Now I just stand in the rain
And make hay, may hay
And all the seasons blend into one
Everything one under the sun
That shines on the clouds
That I fear to speak out loud  
For fear it might disturb
The quaking ground
So I don’t make a sound 
And suffer in silence
Like that ad long ago
With the person crumpled on the floor
It’s an open door 
That I just walk through
And I guess the means were you
In an incantation that I fear to speak
Lest love makes me weak
In the summer days
But the power plays 
Shatter the glass 
Coz nothing is born to last
That you see, ephemeral
I’m longing for the eternal 
To crack like an egg
I broke at the edge instead 
And poured into an empty bowl
But they cannot capture my soul
Only roll
In an endless sea
There is no triumph over me

Apocalypse, Now

.Reading time 1 minute.
It’s firing on all cylinders 
This slow rush to the bottom
What about all the suffering
It’s all forgotten 
All the men pulling triggers
To blow up a bomb
What happens to the world
When we’re all gone
And it’s raining in my ears
And it’s not just astute
Fanciful feelings
While playing the brute
And we can sigh
And say that we mourn
But what is birthed
In the heat of the storm
When the tides are turned
And the way back is burned
What is left but ashes 
When the enemy clashes
With itself on the front
And the innocent bear the brunt
Of words unspoken 
Is peace just a token 
That we exchange
With the shaking of hands 
And the conquering
Of foreign lands 
To say that they’re discovered 
And civil and tame 
Do we know something
Just because we give it a name 
Or does the essence elude 
Us when we exude 
The kind of confidence 
That shatters windows 
We let down the glass 
But we can’t see in though

Love Forgives

.Reading time 1 minute.
The rings of Saturn around your lips
Our hearts meet and it’s an eclipse 
And I can’t seem to cast the die
Any way that’s not a lie
As you’re sleeping silver beds 
And it’s all in my head 
How you brew up a storm
And keep each other warm
I know that it’s sacred, it’d be sacred to me
But how did I simply not see
The girl by your side 
That’s breathing alive
And full of the flavor
That you gave her 
When your sun drenched shore 
Met her adore 
And I’m just looking on
And it’s all gone
Out of my hands, into vapor and air 
Emptiness where something used to be there 
And the midnights never find me on my phone
I’m tucked up in bed all alone
And when you see me, do you see me through the glimmer 
Oh, how a mirage makes the sand shimmer 
Coz I’m lost without you
Alone to doubt you
And December was on my mind
The year I left Kenzie behind 
It was a summer sun
That told me the battle’s won
When it was lost
What is the cost
I have to pay
For loving you, deeply, this way
I know there must be a retribute 
For finding someone cute
And being willing to tie my life to his
All I know is love forgives

The Faucet

.Reading time 1 minute.
I try to turn it off
But the faucet’s set to on
And this moment is so delicate
Every second it is gone
And I try to share the shine
The mystery complete 
But it’s like begging him to take 
Me at my word down at his feet
And I throw my diamonds into water
They shimmer and they sparkle 
I wasn’t thinking of
The fish that they might startle 
As they’re raining from the surface
Of the world they seem to know
It’s like the clouds in the summer 
Heavy with letting go
And I’m ominous and silver
Silhouetted in the dark
I never thought that I 
Would be with this swimming lark
As the avenues all close 
To let me know that I 
Must walk my own path
From here unto the sky

Sit and Stare

.Reading time 1 minute.
I sit and stare at the grand abyss
Coz I don’t even miss
You now you’re gone
And I never said so long
Never got a chance 
Almost asked you to the dance 
If I had’ve would you still be here 
A butterfly flaps its wings and the sky clears 
And I remember I had a dream 
The night before 
I had fallen through the floor 
Into the water
Like someone’s daughter
And someone’s son, the father 
Tries to save you from the sea
And I woke up, to a degree,
To realise it was imagined 
Relief 
Then the crashing thief
You’re not lost under a boat 
But neither does hope float
And they’re turning it off 
At twelve noon
And every second is a second too soon
But, God, is there no hope
I cry tears into the side of my coat 
Coz I don’t feel worthy of
The dregs of pain that accompany love
When you’re eighteen 
And no longer in the dream

The Dream Will Realise

.Reading time 1 minute.
Would you ever just be mine
Coz I’m tired all of the time
And she looks slinky in that mini dress
Seductive coz she’s not trying to impress
Just being her own dear self
And you can only guess the wealth
Beneath her skin 
But do I, do I let him in 
And he comes close to the door
Knocks and asks me to open it a little bit more 
But I hesitate
And it’s not coz I wanna make you wait 
It’s just coz I
Already know what it is to die 
It woke me up
Some kind of love
Like taking your first breath above
The water when you are born
Did you know the sun is warm
Coz I never felt it til that day
It cascaded in the window 
Now it’s shining from him though
And I can’t make it stop
It’s ticking like a body clock
Down to its inevitable conclusion 
Could you tell me where is the confusion 
In telling me how you felt 
Like butter you melt
On the pavement before 
The train station I abhor

The Sky Pouring Ocean

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Why do I feel the ultimate pain
When the girl is making it rain
And it comes down in a sea of screams
Waking people from their dreams 
And could it be grace that I
Was willing to die
For what I believe 
It’s an ocean that I leave
Behind when I set out on my way
And you can’t trust what people say
You watch what they do
And I am staring at you
For an eon forever
As if you could be a hopeful endeavor

The Irish Male At Seventeen

.Reading time 2 minutes.
The Irish male at seventeen
What a wonder fucking dream
And he drew me in then pushed me back
As though there’s nothing that we lack
In our two by two, absolute four
And I don’t know who I am anymore
As I leave unlocked and off the hinge door
There’s no one close by what I have in store 
For you, for us, for him, for she
Could you just get down on one knee
So I could let you in again
Instead of running away from men
Coz they always want and need, lookout!
So much so that I am in doubt
As to what we’ve forever been 
Now I just see you on a screen
Talking to that other girl
I wish the paper would just unfurl
And unmap the story of us
Something in which I can trust
And I don’t care about all of the guys
On the sidelines to my futile tries
To win you over, once more, again
Don’t blame me for being your friend
As you throw around what people love
I’m sorry I ever gave you that drug
The one with the hit so high
And I’m just the queen of saying goodbye
Until the day you made me say
I really like you, okay?
And when I wrapped my arms around ya
I knew that you were sound, yeah
With your gentle and sashay
When did all of that go away
To be replaced by thunderstorm 
You think you’re hot, you’re not even warm
As lightning cracks bolts across the black
I’ll always have asked you back
Into the room where it’s just us two
I don’t think they know about all of it, do you?
As silent on the astral plane
You used to enunciate my name
And I hear you now with all of the slow
Do you just suppose or do you know
Exactly what you claim to be
Is the ocean all at sea
Like it used to be when we were young
Just old enough to get some
And I don’t blush anymore 
When you look at me like that, a stór
But something stirs at the sight
Of you in the twilight 
When I think of all that could’ve been
With the Irish male at seventeen

Heaney’s Shovel

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Here is my pen like the blade of a knife
As it furrows through earth already turned twice 
And there is treasure within, I can hear it call
And all of the problems are not there at all
As I open air in the core of my being
I know there is something here worth seeing
And they tell me lies but they believe
In all of the strings that hang from my sleeve
And I’m just untwining a tapestry
So the threads might be able to run free
And make themselves a masterpiece
Not somebody else’s picture to learn to crease

Outliers

.Reading time 2 minutes.
Oh, the weather brought in Stephen
And I was weary with all of the leaving
Behind that I had done
Searching for the only one
And they say that awakening can land
You in a state where you’re under command
And out of the control you think you know
There’s nowhere it leads that I will not go
And I found myself in a psych clinic
I kept trying to explain why I shouldn’t be in it
But they brush past my honesty like it was lies
Pinned up a frame over my eyes
To tell me who they think I am
But I constantly fall outside the plan
And the time flowed past me like sand
Rough and brittle with the misunderstand
Til I met a common heart
And he made my pain look like art
With his smile and his self conscious laugh
I was doing yoga when I stretched my calf
And I wanted to explain just what was in my mind
Flexible around the river bend
And why do I stand for this shit
Oh, the ocean I flow with
Had me by decree
Down on one knee
Proposing a new direction
Standing outside natural selection 
Into a reverberate that would sound
The corridors I walked around
In monuments to my fear
But there was always someone near
And I was shaking with the times
Am I stepping on land mines
Or is everywhere I place my tread
Safely like they never said
And it’s hard to reconcile
That place with my secret smile
The one that knows no bounds
I used to listen for the sounds
That would set me free
I am okay, but hey, that’s just me!

The Flame and the Letting Go

.Reading time 3 minutes.
Suffering means I love you more
And I’m always banging on your front door
To see will you let me in
And you just remind me of him
His casual ways, his beautiful dance
His chest, the rest and his hands
As they fold themselves into mine
It is the cessation of time
As in the moment held forever
Is the faith of a new endeavor 
As it opens out to sky
I love you and I don’t know why
Only the beauty to burst through
The diagrams I see in you
And in all that’s sad and lonely
I’m wondering why you don’t phone me
When we left it on so bad a note
And there are pages that I quote
Which makes up the dream of us
The magnitude, the waves, the trust
In all that we can’t imbue
I’m waiting for what you might do
With your love, the sea, the stars
The way you melt those prison bars
Down into metal ore
I know you better than I did before
But you are untouchable, unattainable 
The clouds are grey, the day raining and dull
And you’re just some other where 
I keep looking, you’re not there
And you may have another chick
And I the page that you flip
But anyway, bitterness won’t get me far
Not when you’re written on my heart
And I feel this seething for all we were
And the fact that I’m not her
And I know it’s selfish and self absorbed 
I should just take you at your word
When you say you’re happy there
That you’ve found love and true care
But I’m gnawing at the edges and all the seams
I still see you in my dreams
Sometimes you’re mine, more you’re not
I’d write them down but I forgot
Exactly what they had to say 
Some kind of I’m not going away
But everything does 
All that is is a remnant of what was
And I fight the tide
But the waves crash and abide
In the place they’ve always been
There is the dimension of the seen
Then other ones
Diagonals and come undones 
Would you marry me?
So that the bird could be set free
But I’m letting go
Of all I thought that I know
To find a new shore
Worship all I adore
As it comes in close
Would you haunt me like a Holy Ghost?

Taco Belle

.Reading time 1 minute.
I find furrows in the wood exploring with you
And more often than not it’s just us two
Brushing through reeds in Derrymacstuir
When I’m in need I know I can call her
To listen to my ramblings for a little while
She cracks me up and makes me smile
And there’s something of longing in her absent stare
Like she’s wishing for something in particular to be there
And I try to hold up, to carry the fort
In the years in between as we man the fort
Over the garden that’s grown between us
There’s something of magic, there’s something of trust
And I know I can rely on her steady heart
In the years and seasons we’ve been apart
In the moments when there’s an ocean in between 
We rip up the map coz it’s just a dream
And all of the separation that seems to be
Hanging in the air between you and me
Is nothing in the magnitude of what’s always been
I salute you, honey, coz you are the queen

One World Community

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Holding space for war torn regions
With the strength of prayer
So they know that love is there
And the fighters on the extreme
Are only caught up in the dream
Never knowing what they do
But what would you do if it was you
And if you had the power to make change
Would you think it a bit strange
That some people resist
There’s nobody on my list
Coz I have let go of enmity
But I stay vigilant coz integrity 
Means being aware that it could come back 
The ego hiding in the lack

Starfish

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
Are we just starfish
Learning how to shine
Do I speak up
About what isn’t fine
As the layers in the cake
Are slowly spread
And people on the sidelines
Are left for dead
As we just
Get on with our lives
And the bare minimum
Of trust survives
The onset of
A foreign occupation
Am I getting
Far above my station
To say I stand
With the power of peace
A moment when
The war might cease
And they could come
For my neck
Or I could lose it all
In a train wreck
As I try to mean
Something true
Is it just me
Or is it me and you

Persecution

.Reading time less than 1 minute.
They stick their knives and forks in me
Coz a dinner they have made
They want to serve me up
Then say that I am saved
Do all in their power
To quietly persecute
Everything that is good
And is based in Truth
And do I falter on the brink
Do I let the ship go down
Do I be the King and Queen
The ocean of this town
Ever to inspire
The faint of heart with lies
But I tire
Of all your futile tries 
And kicking it with the cool
As a beat finds my feet
And I find the love 
Like the first time he and I meet
And all their cattle prods
And their medication
Is not enough 
To get me to skip this station