You could bridge the gap
But it’s not to be found on any map 
Or ideology
And if you’re trying for me
You’ve got to know you’re gonna lose
And the power to choose 
Is something you’ve lost 
When you made me pay the cost
For all that you could not bear
The baby laughed when the paper tear
And I rediscover my own joy
And you may be just a boy
To bear witness to
The multitude of what I am to do
In this inferno called life
I will never be your wife
Or you mistress or lover 
Find someone else to enjoy undercover
And you say in a belligerent tone
And say “well, I’m not alone”
Good I spit back 
And your name is stupid Jack 
It sounds like something that you lack
Rather than a website I’d like to hack
But it’s a lie because I spent my time
Stealing into you like it was a crime
And the thief in me 
Holds belief in all we’ve come to be
In infinity 
Just not in the physical dimension 
And if it’s just an extension 
Of your persona
Then I would phone ya
But I burnt that bridge 
And you’re standing on Hacksaw Ridge 
Just asking me to let you go
But I can’t, you know 
So I tow the line 
And agree to let time
Ameliorate the changes between us
Did I dream us
Up in 2011
Like earth had become a heaven
In the midst of hell
I know it sucks but I wish you well

I just want everyone to know I love him
He’s like a branch out on the limb of a tree
And there’s no question that he is for me
In all his subterfuge and camouflage 
I bear the weather and the barrage
Of insults that are hurled at me
When I think of the girl that is not me
Folded into paper cut shapes
And the heart in me escapes 
To somewhere near the coast
That is made for us both
And I know that the sea
Will wash away the eternity
That was branded on our skin
Somehow love was made to win
And I was made to be by your side
Just don’t let the tide
Drag you under
Find my number
Amid the binary code
And walk down the less travelled road 

I can feel him ache
And the cloak he forsake 
When he was in my presence, dear
You don’t have to make it crystal clear
I already see
You don’t have to be mean when you’re talking to me
And she 
Is not some wildebeest on the line
And loving someone is not a crime
Beyond the bounds of time and space
Beyond the limits of the human race
Because we were one in the land before
Before the earth shake and quake the floor
We’d be standing on
Now solid earth is gone
And we’re in the sea
With an ocean of water separating you and me
Did you call me Kairi
And, I, you Sora
Don’t you know I do adore ya
But enough of that 
Vain promises won’t get you back
And I’m not sure I even want
To be the dorm that you haunt
With your magnificent smile 
And the way you hold courage all the while 
Your heart is beating for me
Don’t you know that I see
How could I not 
And you say you forgot
But almost never crossed the finish line
And I could turn this whole world on a dime
To be near to you
Tell me what you would do 
If I was in the room
I hear your harsh breath and the sound of doom
That permeates
And first dates
Can go either way
But do you mind if I say
That green or blue doesn’t matter to me
The windows to your soul from which you see

I thought I just wanted it with someone else
But I’m beginning to see that my wealth
Comes from my solitude
And I don’t trade that in for any dude
And I try to reach across the aisle
For that guy that made me smile 
In Dean Swift
When any kindness was a gift 
Or someone far away
But like a starling I cannot stay
Past the point my heart commands
I am not putty in your hands 
Though my soul is in love with you 
It’s not because I wanted it to 
Give itself away 
And I cannot stay
Under the reign of a man
Who loves me only as deeply as he can 
And if he cannot appreciate
Me in my singular state
Then I doubt that the affection was real
And not just some way to broker a deal 
And I know what is up for sale
As eyes glaze over and without fail 
A crime is committed 
And I’m just not going with it
In the night
I would make one with you, alright
Just not at that price
And before you call me a bitch, be nice

I feel her pity
And it stays with me 
As I try to discover
And go find another lover
Did she really not care
And did she dare
To just cross my path
Only to take our joining back
She takes my hand
And I am all sand
Barely holding it steady
I would be ready
To surrender it all to her
But what we were
Didn’t hold fast
Now I am just part of her past
And she wants no more to do with me
I think that she is through with me
Then love bursts a light
And I feel her through the darkness, there’s sight
And her warmth heats my bones
I’m not alone
And though I may be surrounded by people
And her meditating under a steeple
We are together 
Somewhere beyond the weather
There are no lines she can draw
To stave off the great thaw
That is occurring 
And she is murmuring 
Something about hope
Did she she know how she left me to cope
With thread in my veins
Startled and suffering under the pains
Of being pure at heart
Then trades me in like a piece of art
On the wall
Did she love me at all
Or was it all lies
She’s crying her goodbyes
On the phone 
But I speak back in monotone 
Knowing full well where this is going 
How has she no way of knowing 
What she did to me
All in the name of setting me free

I was kissing Kate
When you saw me, wait
No I take that back
Am I about ready for another attack
Coz the man swoops and then he siezes
Takes the name of my Jesus
In vain
And the pain
Rocks into me, back and forth
And he would have no remorse
If I didn’t cut him off
But all is not lost
I see his ship struggling on the tide
And he is barely alive
So I throw him a raft and dive right in
I can see her next to him
And jealousy burns 
Coz he never learns
About anything I try to impart
And I know I shouldn’t have given my heart
To the first knave who crossed my path
Now I must face the demon’s wrath
For daring to surrender
A part of me I can’t remember
There’s bullets in the gun
And he shoots at me with one
But I, transparent and impervious to
His hits just watch him black and blue
Try to swing
At the diamond ring
I wear on my left hand 
And it’s all sand this passing through
How did I not see that girl with you
Thought she was just a friend
Isn’t that how all good things end
Now we can’t make amends
I see you old and weary
And you never did see me clearly
Or you wouldn’t have tried
To attempt to say I had died
Or try to put my life
Into the category of second hand wife
I fluctuate 
And you date
A plethora of women
But all of them just leave you swimming 
In a ocean you cannot name 
And you may never see me again
With that carry on
It’s a quarter past one and I’m already gone 

It turns out I like what trouble could be 
Coz he walked in, now he’s talking to me
And I could be shy and walk away
And act like I’ve got nothing to say
And you’re captivating 
But who are you dating 
On the sly
He is a helluva guy
But there’s something about him that’s sweet and sincere
And I have come to hold him dear 
Close to the heart in my chest
More intimate than all the rest
And they scream at me 
“He doesn’t love you, why don’t you see”
But I’m willing to hold out hope
And learn how to cope 
With the uncertainty
And the possibility 
Of a lack of reciprocation
In my elation
I never thought to ask were you free
To spend eternity with me

The grey encircles and unwinds
And if you believe in it you are defined
As what you are 
Under the star
We call sun 
But everyone
Is more than the warmth that escapes
When the spirit leaves the shapes 
Of human form 
And you may have been born
But from whence you came 
And they gave you a name 
But is it essentially you 
I have been wanting to
Extricate from the girl you know 
Into something that is slow
And soft and sweet to the touch
Always professing what it loves so much
Whether it’s man, beast or rock
And it is woman that I am not 
As I own this skin
Only to unite with him 
In the subterfuge 
And do you want me to prove
My credentials to you 
As if I’m applying to 
Some burden out of the blue 
And you’re starstruck in the moment we meet
And, man, I can feel the heat 
Issue from your side to mine
Will it be like this all of the time? 
I risk a glance up
And all I see is love
Burning in his silhouette 
How could I ever forget 
The mark that man made on my heart
Reaching out to me in the dark 

I’m skating on thin ice arguing with him
And I never know when I’m gonna fall in 
Into the water beneath
I see the cracks under our feet
And get the sense it’s going to break 
Before the dawn can wake
Us up from the cold
I was brave and I was bold
But he knew where I was weak 
And so I could not speak 
About what I knew
Though I tried to communicate it to you
The wilderness ensues 
The wolves come and devour the blues
I had reserved for you
I’m not red coz you wanted to
Warm your hands by the fire 
You are deeper but I am higher
Opposite sides of the same spectrum
And he’s always worried that I will reject him
If he only knew 
That he is every page I ever rifled through
Searching for the one
And the Son
Of Man is beautiful 
But he is not made of cotton wool
And every time I reach out to touch
You it feels like I hurt you so much
So I withdraw my arm
Say “it’s just a false alarm”
I wouldn’t worry about me
I’ll get over the history
We share
And you dare 
To splice the tape
And I escape
Out the back door
But I slip in an “I love you more” 

Should I let him just go be with his girl 
Or should I confess that he is my world
As he blisters under skin 
Dying to be let in
And I hear the knock at the door
But I don’t think I know him anymore
Like a stranger
And the danger
Is we could go on like this
Indefinitely, like our first kiss
Lingers on my breath
As the cold holds onto regret
Like an icy morning breeze
All I can do is freeze
As he spurns me
And turns me 
Away
What more is there to say
When you have opened your heart
To someone and they’ve taken a part
Of it and run away
It was a terrible day
But you made it worse
As you rehearse
Ways to let me down easy
But you grit your teeth and your anger frees me
To tell you where to shove your compassion
You aim at me like an assassin 
And you hit the mark
Do you fumble in the dark 
Or open the windows to let the light in
Is it sacred when she is with him
Or does he live on borrowed time
Counting the pebbles on the shore that’s mine

I jumped on a number ten
Will I find him again 
And the bus takes me through Donnybrook
But, no matter where I look, 
I can’t find you
And if you wanted to 
You would be here
It’s so crystal clear
But my gaze just roams
Across crystals that once were stones
And you’re in the hall with me
Giving in like eternity
Has missed that lesson in Quinn
“She let me in”
I hear you in my mind
They say telepathy is one of a kind 
And can only happen with twins
But the flame burns and I throw everything in
As Biffy sings about machines
And Florence wakes from dreams
Of a normal life
But she is king, she is no wife
And so it goes with us
I live in the broken trust
When I spilled my truth out on the phone
And you left me all alone
To face, by degrees, a tribunal 
On exactly what I’m doing
Singing up to someone on a balcony
“But do you think she really likes me” 
I sigh and blush
As he gives me a big time rush
Cindered bones on the astral plane
But I’m alone in my room and your name 
Makes me hide away
Because what will they say
When they see the fool I am
For a man who only ever can
Say, “we should hang out sometime?”
Don’t you see you are mine? 
And I am yours
Forever, unconditionally, knock on all the doors
You’ll never find anything like this 
I miss the fact that our first kiss
Is in the future or the past, long ago
When we walked different bodies into the snow
And woke up lying in separate beds
Is all this in our heads? 
Or do we segue into the fifth dimension 
Where reading minds is just an extension
Of love that reaches out
And quenches all doubt
I know you’ve found a port to dock
But could you spare me some time, or not….
I guess you’re a busy man
But I still shake your hand 
Before you walk away
Why can’t you hear what I do not say? 

I miss you on a train

I tell the time by the tick of my clock
And it has sure been ticking a lot
Lately 
As time speeds up
And we have only ten years, love
To find a way to each other’s star
Because this car
Will only go so far
In this lane
And afterwards, it might not be the same
I don’t know if this will mean anything to you
But I had to tell you, I hope you understand, do you
And you’ve got a significant other 
And, brother
It gets up in my grill
That you have another person to thrill 
With your six pack of words
Connected like I’ve never heard
And you string the beans
All the way from our teens
To present day
I liked you that way
But I’m sure you knew
Didn’t you 
As you walk away
I want to scream, to shout, to say
Don’t go! Just stay with me
Should I let the man be free
Or should I come with a ball and chain
Asking him to dance with me in the rain
When we live in the floods of tears
And though it has been years
Time and space are relative
And I forgive 
Every trespass you make 
Did you think I could fake
That wondered glance
I’m giving us another chance

Do I give my secret away?
That I cannot stay
Any place I put my foot upon 
I love the moment then it’s gone
And I met him at the dance
And took a chance 
Following him outside the door
When he got kicked out by the bore
Who was handling security
He had lit up the fire inside of me 
And they all gathered round the gates
But you know time waits 
For no man
So I return so I can
Dance the night away
I move slow til I realise they
Have left him all alone in the cold 
And I know I’m getting old 
But I just cannot be having that
So I go back 
To the place I had left
And it was absolute theft
I see him walking up the street 
To God knows where and God knows who he’ll meet 
In that state
I’m in high heels and I teeter after him 
Wondering whether my integrity will win
Out over my fragile pride
But I look at him and inside
Just does a flip
And he doesn’t know it
Does he? Anyway
I meet him and he says
My name, slow and long
And I know I belong
With him leaning his weight on me
A part of me has been set free
To have him by my side 
And the knowledge that he’s alive
Somewhere in the world
Still brings light to this girl 
And we are just a happy pair
Happy that the other is there
But a little confused
Is his ego bruised
Coz the next day he won’t talk to me 
I call his name and he ignores me 
And I stammer and pause
Did I break some of his laws
When I chose to save his skin
From anyone who might have been watching him 
And thought to steal a dime
You see it in the news all the time 
But we get off the bus
And I’ll be damned if he won’t trust
Me with the burden
Of really having heard him 
When he met me in the hall
He looked at me, confused is all
And I say that it was the best night
You know the one I’m moving with
And he kinda looks to his side
Please, be glad that I am alive
And he slows his pace
So I can get a read on his face
And we talk a little and smile and I throw a laugh
And his gaff
Is just across from mine
But is this the last time
We will ever share together 
Coz the weather
Is shifting 
And the season is misting 
As the course comes to an end
Will I lose a best friend
To the grey advance of time
Will I ever get to call you mine
In any meaningful way
Is there nothing that you have to say
He meets my eyes again and my blood stills 
But there are plays of wills 
In the fray
And I know we’re going away
And I feel a grief I can’t explain
As though I’m standing in the rain
Begging him to just make a move
So there’s nothing that I have to prove
To anyone 
And the sun
Doesn’t shine out of him letting me go
Or the whirlpool I wrote about in the months after, so 
Does thirteen years mean anything to you
And if I send this will you
Remember 
The moments we felt timelessness engender
A place in the heart we shared
Because I know you cared
About me
And free
And all as I am
I still would understand 
If you wanted to make two
It’s not like I wouldn’t have wanted to
So I meet you in the ether
It’s not over for me either

I remember running my fingers through the city
And it was a pity 
You were not there
Because you would see how much I care
About the fire that burns 
Into being every time the world turns 
And the girls were all I knew 
When I would topple a little askew 
Out of the nearest club
And love
Was a foreign word
Til I met a beautiful bird
A phoenix rising from the ashes 
I hit the button and, man, it cashes
Out
And my self doubt
Falters as he looks me in the eyes
And I’m reborn as that which never dies
And I could say his name
But I’m sure he knows, all the same 
Just who he is
He is the boy I let live
As he circled my gravity
At a point of infinite density
But something draws him back to me 
Even after all these years 
And the snowflakes pouring tears 
As they melt in the sun
He is the one 
I knew better than my old coat 
He kept my hope afloat
When I picked him up in my car
And I drove us all to a bar 
Somewhere near Eddie Rockets 
And he empties his pockets 
Buying a drink for me
Made me think about eternity
And what we could be 
If I let him come close to my mystery
He throws his arm around my shoulder
And now that I’m older
I can appreciate
The fact that we didn’t date
But just revelled in the pure
That passed between us sure
Of it’s place in the atmosphere
An elliptical orbit that has found me
Circling back to where we were born 
And the glasses that I would have worn 
If I hadn’t given my gaze
To the boy I chose to save
At seventeen 
And I woke his dream 
Up mid nightmare
I didn’t mean to scare
You with my heavy handedness
It’s just you seem in distress
And I want you to know 
That the light never lets you go
And in the bask of this peace
I remind them I never cease
To be where I promised I am 
Loving Him is God’s plan

I found a silhouette in the dark 
And somehow it was you and you made a mark 
On me 
I let it go free
Because history
Can’t pave the way for a new surrender
How do you still remember 
What we were
I saw you looking at her
For guidance as to what to do 
As if she was afraid of you
Falling in love with me 
And it’s simplicity
To just close the door and walk away
But I feel you in every word I say
To everyone around the centre
There is a door only you can enter
And the core of me wraps around the tree
As we crash into infinity
With each other by the side
Of the part of us that we hide
From the eyes that see
And decide who we get to be 
And you’re lovely and have eyes for days
And lashes that break the resolve I have, it sways
Like a sapling in the wind
And our love never sinned
Not a day in it’s life
And you may have a wife
By now, I do not know
But this thing does not let you go
And I just wanted to say
I love you, okay? 

I found some kind of enlightenment
In the darkest depression
And here is my confession
Lightning struck and killed the girl
It was the birth of a new world 
Where everything was verdant green
And it was as though I had never seen
Anything before
And the first time I found you, mo stór
I realised what I had taken birth for
To find you and reunite
So when we fight
Just remember it’s the clash of Titans
And when I’m writing
I only ever think of you
In the various forms I see you through
Coz we have been separated 
And you dated
Other people
And the steeple
Is what I fear the most
I see you and her and the ghost
Of what I’ve lost comes to haunt me
Did he ever even want me
So I hold the waves back
But they crash to the shore like an attack
And I can’t keep them in
Its always gonna be him
My eternal partner in the sea
That somehow waits for me
And when the tide has pulled you low
I dive in and rise you til it’s safe to let go
And you never see the elf 
Who fixes your broken parts like mending delft
In my grandmother’s glass cabinet
Did you think I was done with it?
Look a little longer and harder too
I am always with you

Things are complicated 
Because there are people you have dated
And you take that shit seriously
But did you ever think of me
In that time
I’m in the RDS and the light Sublime
Reminds me you exist
And the exam I’m doing must have missed
The mark 
Coz I only got a C in the dark
In school I used to excel
But this college thing is gone to hell
I only want to be a writer
Not a businesswoman or a firefighter
And I’m sitting in the shower in Nutgrove Avenue 
The water falls on my legs and I think of you
As it makes ripples in the bath
I wonder if I could get back
To the place I was before 
With your hand in mine, mo stór
And it seems like the demons chase
But there is an eternity they cannot erase
And I don’t know where you are
You could be in Australia or in a bar
For all I know
I had to stop staring out the window, so
I no longer see the scenery
That used to greet my inquiry
But when I realised you were with her
I doubted all we were
And I don’t blame you friend 
But my spying has to end 
I just want to let you know
My love for you will never go
And if you ever come to my door
I’ll be here for you like I was before

That’s all

Singing songs of our tragedy
Watching you parting from me
As you walk down by Mel’s 
Past their silent peeling bells
And you look over your shoulder
And now that we’re older
Can I recount the tale to you
I was watching too
From the car park with the bag you had lifted
Into the back of the bus like the request had gifted
You with sudden insight
I don’t want to fight
“But you’re wrong”
Then I hear your song
And I break down
Do you think you could tolerate this town
If it meant you could have me
Or is our home history
As you “move on”
It’s just another word for being gone
And I let my hand drop
For all we are, we are not
Lovers in the physical dimension
And my hope is just an extension
Of the trust you had in me
I let you go free
I damn well push you away
I have to make you not stay
As the grief cracks the floor
In a direct line to you, mo stór
And why, you ask
I look up without a mask
But you don’t see
You have unveiled me
In all my pretension
Could you not mention
That I have died and now the sun
Shines through me on everyone
But there is no person there
And you swear
That it’s okay
But did you look deep enough into me that day
I pause
And you break all the laws
To destroy the handshakes we made
In the light that casts no shade
On the ground
Do you think you will come around
And burn for me
Infinitely 
Coz that summer was not the end of it for me ❤️

Hiding part of myself so I won’t attract the male 
Because I can feel the guard rail 
He puts up to reject
Any attempt to intercept
Me from him
And I cannot win
When I want to connect
With everyone that I select
To be part of myself
There is verdant wealth
In my soul 
And the waves roll
And crash upon the shore
I never wanted anything more
Than to share our purity
For free
Like a gust of wind
It is not to have sinned
It is to have trust
And watch the monsters go bust
In the love we share
I may be concealed but I’m still there

I found love bubbles in the male
But something in me is not for sale
And every man I get close to 
Just wants to own what I give to you
And it issues from the Source
I let the river run and there’s no remorse
That could ever make me sorry for what I said to you
I let you in because I wanted to 
I unlocked the gate and held it open
And you looked into my eyes like “here’s hoping”
But I was never to be girlfriend material 
I am bound to the ethereal 
And I take my light from the depths
Not a women to bury her regrets
In a man
As if she can
And then a child
Watch them while they’re still wild 
And growing up and young
Then she wonders what she’s become
I never wanted to embody
What becomes run down and shoddy
So I fight it out with a knife and a cut
But
I end up just the same 
Worn out and tired and grey
I’ll be free if that’s what you say
But will never build the blockade
I am not all the rage
You pour into you pull and push
For some kind of rush 
To keep you from the dark 
And the mark
It made on you 
Is an X marks the spot for finding what’s true 

I was talking with Keav for the longest time
It was before I thought to rhyme 
One word with another
And I saw him as a brother
Who had been brought low
By people who did not know 
What they were talking about
And I can sense your doubt
In what I’m saying to you
But you’re eyes change and suddenly want to
Stare into my soul and capture
But I am all rapture 
And I do not roll like that 
I don’t try to take it back 
Coz you do not lack
What you think you do 
But I’m not the girl for you
My heart has been sold
To the solemn fields of gold
I used to wander in my teens
And then the man of my dreams
Shone like a shooting star in the sky
And I know life can never die 
Not in the way I thought before
Now we don’t speak anymore
Coz you blocked me on Facebook
I used to love to look
And see that you were there 
And I know that you care
And probably feel the burn
That never got to take it’s turn
Spinning around that celestial light
But I’m still here alright
And it you ever want to try
It is not goodbye
Beautiful boy in your machination
Don’t get lost in your PlayStation

The present moment has nothing in it 
I try and try and try to win it 
But nothing gives 
As the spirit lives 
In another dimension
And the extension 
Of my soul in another form
Is burning a fire to keep me warm
And I can feel the heat from here
Like a sun that I hold dear
And he wants me to know
That he never let me go
When he called me a bitch
And tried to burn the witch
At the stake 
He called me fake 
So I bit back 
And hit him where I could see the lack
Reside
And alive 
We are at war
What the hell is it for 
Because we cannot be One
He loves the stars, I love the Sun
And he took a swipe at the crucified 
So I blocked him out coz Jesus died 
For me and him
And sin
Has no power now
Not in the world his peace is allow
To flow uninterrupted
And I’ve wondered if I’ve fucked it
Up because that man
Takes more of me than I can
Ever bear to consternate
And it is a kind of fate
To admit 
That the gearstick 
On his car 
Drives me pretty far
From where I thought I was
And it’s because 
Of our original state 
I did not make you wait
I just doubted your intention
But don’t worry, I will not mention
It to her 
Because what we were 
Was sacred, secret too
And I’m not sure if you
Were ever aware
That I was there 
When you spoke the words 
I’m just letting you know, I heard